5 Powerful Methods To Make Your Ex Boyfriend Regret Losing You

1,759 thoughts on “How To Make Your Ex Boyfriend Regret Letting You Go”

Lauren

September 9, 2016 at 10:50 pm

What if I wasn’t clingy when we were together, but we would text constantly throughout the day? We didn’t talk on the phone much either. I started pushing him away because he would pressure me. He would mention using pet names and the fact that I called him one once and I claimed up and didn’t do it again.
What if I get to 30 day NC or 45 day NC and I’m still not really over him or ready to make that first contact. Do I still have a chance of getting him back?

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 10, 2016 at 5:10 pm

Well, you really wouldnt be over him because if that happens, it means you’re moving on which actually happens to some after they do nc..

but nc is supposed to help you be more rational.. let’s say you weren’t clingy but you kept talking after the break up, so that means it lessens the chance of him missing you because of a break up because it’s like you were friendzoned.. but he could still miss you being there in his life when you do nc after being friendzoned..

what matters more is how you improved during nc and that you continually improve after it because that helps in attracting him back

Emilie

September 9, 2016 at 3:00 pm

Two weeks ago my boyfriend broke up with me. It kinda came out of the blue even though he spent the last two weeks of our relationship with his friends. I am heartbroken obviously because I still have feelings for him and I don’t want him out of my life. I really want him back and he said he was tired but he still have a bit of feelings for me. The only problem is that the no contact rule is tricky right now because his band is having a concert in 1 week and I want to go more than anything in the world because I’ve been watching them practising for the last 9months. We have talked a bit about the concert and I need to buy tickets from him and stuff. I really want him back but he is not a fan of texting or social media at all so I don’t expect him to make contact through them and he is very stubborn I just don’t know what to do….

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 10, 2016 at 12:09 pm

Hi Emilie,

how long were you together? You said he’s not a fan of texting and social media, so that means you always see each other personally? if yes, then that means there’s a higher chance of him missing you and when he misses you, the only way he can check you is through social media. If you really want to attend, attend first and then start no contact after that.

mallishka

September 6, 2016 at 4:30 am

Hi chris i m 22 years old n my boyfriend is 17. The things were going right. Suddenly i came to know that he is sharing our personal talks with his mom. Nd now the scene he no longer takes care of me he didnt turn till 20days and he is now just emotionless about me. I dont know how to handle him

mallishka

September 7, 2016 at 9:25 am

No i didnt say something about his mom but wenever v have fight he shares on personal talks n fights issue with his mom. N he doesnot really seem to be intrested after fight. So yes i m trying nc
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 8, 2016 at 10:08 am

that’s very good. Don’t worry about her mom’s opinion for now. What’s more important is that you show through social media that you are improving
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 7, 2016 at 6:14 am

Hi Mallishka,

Why? Did you say something about his mom? Are you going to do the no contact rule?

Kaite

September 5, 2016 at 4:24 pm

Hey guys,

So I dated my ex for approximately 2 years off and on. He broke up with me before last summer and said he didn’t want to be in a long term commitment, also that he just didn’t feel it anymore. He insisted that he wanted to stay friends and he exclaimed I was his best friend at the time. Anyways last summer got messy and we tried fwb however he always reassured me that he didn’t want anyone else but that he also didn’t want to be tied down. Long story short we spent the entire summer together and we were inseparable. So inevitably he decided to make things official come September. He is about 5 years younger than I however we are both in the same program at school and we have school related work together. Now to update you on what happened this time around. So since September we had been dating and everything seemed great. There are were a few times I got jealous when he went out for lunch to catch up with and old friend (that was a girl) but I thought it was reasonable. Whenever I addressed my feelings on the issue he would almost manipulate the situation and say he felt like I didn’t trust him if I was feeling jealous. Anyways this only happened on a few occasions and he always assures me that I was his girl what happened just last week is that he broke it off with me again. What confuses me is that we just went away for my birthday which was a week before we broke up. We had a great time on our trip just went away for a few days to the states. Sorry to get to the point my so called best friend has been extremely busy with work this past month and I was busy with school. We didn’t see much of each other for that reason and when we talked we both sounded stressed and he sounded irritable. I knew school was starting up again soon and that he was leaving on a trip with work and I wanted to see him before he left because I hadn’t seen him since we got back from our trip. He avoided talking about what was wrong but I knew something was up and he insisted to break up with me while he was drunk and over the phone. I was extremely hurt since I sensed he had no desire to meet up then and there to discuss things and I told him I couldn’t do this over the phone and just hung up. On the phone he said he didn’t want to be in a relationship for the rest of his life and that I basically forced the relationship on him. He brought up the times where he had gone out with those girls for lunch and said that if we stayed together I would never ever be ok with the thought of him hanging out with his other friends from time to time. I realise that the relationship was toxic now and that he used me in a sense to get what he wanted out of it. I’m hurt and ashamed of myself for putting up with his bull for so long. He texted me a big long text apologizing for the way he broke up with me and said he just wants to be single and that he’s unhappy with himself and wants a change, but that he’ll always be there for me and that we can still be friends and hang out. I started NC the day I hung up on him. He texted me again before he got back from his trip insisting we could meet this week to chat and that he’d be happy to talk to me about whatever. I do not feel the need to ask for an explanation I’m still pretty ticked off. However I do want to remain civil at work and school and I want him to regret breaking up with me. So I guess what I’m saying is how do I go about initiating NC when I see him at least 4 to 5 times a week and I work closely with him? Help!!!!!

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 6, 2016 at 2:43 pm

Hi Kaite,

you can use what’s advised in this article:
EBR 032: What To Do If You Work With Your Ex Boyfriend

Lisa

September 5, 2016 at 12:53 pm

Thanks for a great article!! LoVe it.

My boyfriend and me was together for 2 years, and i always had doubts. I felt like we were good friends, but i wasn’t passionately in love. I hid this well because I think he is the best man ever. Lately i also accepted that this is what i want, and i would rather be with my bestfriend whom I can have fun with and not argue tons with than have crazy Passion since that never Worked too well in the past. He then, out of the blue endes it with me. It was a very calm and beautiful ending, and we cried in each other’s arms since we are loosing each other. He didn’t want me out of his life but felt like being best friends isn’t enough.

Now I am wondering if I should have hopes that he regrets it or if it’s really over. He sent me the most beautiful text two days after the breakup (which I responded to several hours later) and thanked me for being the best girl in his life and that he will always love me.

I said” thank you, I have only love and respect for you”

Crazy to write on a wall like this but I am so sad and it drives me crazy. Although I don’t know if it would be the kindest of me to be with him since I’ve been so unsure, I still am heartbroken and want him to ask for a new chance. Just want some insight.

Love

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 6, 2016 at 1:39 pm

Hi Lisa,

any thoughts on why he broke up with you and are you going to try the no contact rule?

Salma

September 4, 2016 at 10:58 pm

Hi I have messaged before but I cannot see my comment on board. Me and my ex parted on really bad terms from both sides. We gave a child together it has been a year and a half he has not contacted me or out children. We are going through a divorce and live in seperate countries now. Will he ever regret losing me? And how can I apply your theory if we live in seperate countries and have no contact. I want him to return and make our relationship work. I love him dearly.

Salma

September 14, 2016 at 5:20 pm

Hi Amor thank you for your reply. I have enrolled into study and hoping to find a job really soon. Yes he has abandoned his children completely to a point our children do not know him and do not recognize him. I show them pictures and explain to them that this is their father. No we will not be seeing each other for the divorce as our divorce is international and I will probably sign off from here. I will be opening a social media account soon. I’ve isolated myself with my children and stopped taking care of my physical appearance. I spend my whole day caring for my children and can spend the whole day in my pjs.
Salma

September 8, 2016 at 9:06 pm

Hi amor we were together for 2 years and children are involved. He has not contacted me or the children in nearly two years. He found someone else and told me he wasn’t attracted to me. He has not made any contact instead blocked me from his life entirely. He’s also moved houses, I do not have his current address and we living in seperate countries. I have no social media as life just evolves around my children. I have never thought I would be a single mother, I am 25 years old. My husband had an affair and left me and our children…despite this I still love him.
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 10, 2016 at 8:41 am

Ok. One by one. Make a social media account. It doesn’t matter if the posts are always with your children. As long as it’s showing that you and the children are moving on. Don’t chase. Add a routine that benefits yourself. You can do it. Do something that is apart from being a mother. It can be workouts or learning online skills and the monetizing from that skill. Something that can make you grow. Growth and progress helps in healing.

Remember, don’t chase. Take care of yourself and put yourself first. I’m hoping he has not totally abandoned his children and that someday he will reach out for them but when that happens, do not use that opportunity to jump right in and beg to come back. He has to think first that you have moved on and most importantly that you have improved. Attraction starts with physical aspects and then aside from improving your physical looks, continue to be great in your life. Since it’s been two year, I’m pretty sure you have your own routine now with the kids.

Aren’t you going to see each other for the divorce proceedings?
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 4, 2016 at 11:05 pm

Hi Salma,

sorry I just haven’t reached your comments yet. First, do you have social media accounts? If not, make one. How old are you, how long were you together, why did he leave you? How was the last contact made? When the divorce papers were sent, did he contact you in any way? What did he say? When was the last attempt of contact you made?

Lynz

September 4, 2016 at 4:49 am

hello EFR 🙂 thank you chris and team for all the information that you’ve compiled on this website. I’m so happy this website exists.

My bf and I were together for a little over 7 months. For the most part, we were very happy.
He ended the relationship, told me he wasn’t in the place to try again, at least not now. I tried to convince him and he said he needed to be free from this situation but he wants us to be friends, he wants me in his life. I said I understood and respected his wishes.

We broke up 8/30 and I started the NC 9/1.
I want him to disassociate any negative “aftertaste” of our relationship. We didn’t end anything in a bad way he still has many of my things that are important but not enough to break the nc and I also have a lot of important documents. During my NC I will be traveling over seas So my question is this, I don’t plan on breaking my nc but if he texts me and while I’m posting things on IG and fB or Twitter, blatantly ignoring him.. I wanted to know how to handle the situation.

Thank u so much in advance 🙂

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 5, 2016 at 12:25 am

Hi Lynz,

Thank you! That’s very good that you’re starting so early from the breakup.. Actually, since it’s not a bad break up and you agreed to be friends, I think you need to tell him that you need space because you’re not actually ready to be friends right but when you are you’ll reach out again.. and then just continue nc..

Salk

September 4, 2016 at 1:15 am

Hi me and my husband parted a year and a half ago. We live in sep countries he has made no contact with me and our children but sent divorce papers. How do I make him regret losing me when we are so far away and have no contact?

Salk

September 4, 2016 at 1:18 am

I’m at that point I just want him to regret losing me. Our marriage ended on very bad terms is him regretting still possible?
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 4, 2016 at 11:05 pm

Hi Salma,

sorry I just haven’t reached your comments yet. First, do you have social media accounts? If not, make one. How old are you, how long were you together, why did he leave you? How was the last contact made? When the divorce papers were sent, did he contact you in any way? What did he say? When was the last attempt of contact you made?

Haley

September 2, 2016 at 2:56 am

Hi so heres my situation.
I want my ex to regret dumping me. He says that he’d like to be friends and maybe one day we might get back together down the road.

I dont trust it but I secretly hope.
We talked face to face 3 days after breaking up (august 22nd) returned one anothers things and left on good terms.
i texted him that night saying thanks for the talk and i too hope to be friends, he said hed like that.
Day after that i wished him luck starting school to which he replied. we had a short conversation that had a defined end.

Now 3 days later of not texting him he texts me today. I just moved into an apartment a state over for school and he texts me without encouragement:
“Good luck with classes tomorrow. I hope the move into the apartment went well.”

Now its only been 3 days no contact. Do I
1. ignore him (for how long?)
2. text reply him in an hour or so?
3. leave him waiting till tomorrow?

I wouldn’t object to getting him back…we where together for 5 years!

The things he told me weren’t right are fixable with me getting a life of my own which is in progress.

What do you think I should do?

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 2, 2016 at 3:46 pm

HI haley,

do you want to try what Chris advised above?

Herewego

August 31, 2016 at 3:35 am

Hi! Thanks for the response. So my other question was this… after the break up, I cut all contact, completely. I wanted to cut him out so that I couldn’t even have him on my radar. I defriended him on facebook, blocked him on instagram which also now means he’s not follow me and I unfriended him on snapchat. Basically my question is, how is he going to see the changes I’ve made now that we’re not connected at all through social media? We do have a few mutual friends, and it’s a possibility I’d see him out, but it’s still not 100%. How do I make sure he’s going to see my changes I’m making in my life to make myself a better person? At this point, what would you recommend. Thanks so much, I really appreciate it 🙂

EBR Team Member: Amor

August 31, 2016 at 2:54 pm

Ah.. just make your posts public for other people..If he’s curious, he can just use a different account to view your posts

Karen

August 30, 2016 at 11:59 am

Hi,
My partner left seven weeks ago. It’s not the first time he has left in our five year relationship.
I recently had a baby, my partner was diagnosed as an alcoholic and through therapy admitted he cheated on me five times. He went to a mental hospital for his anger shortly after our son was born, they diagnosed him with a narcacisstic personality disorder and over controlled emotions.
He return home after being in hospital for two months a few weeks after his return he started physically hitting me ( this has been on going since I found out I was pregnant)
He said he couldn’t take responsibility for his actions or apologise for his behaviour.
We argued a lot, his abuse continued.

I want our family but I’m not sure what to do.
He completed a course for over controlled emotions but since the course ended its impossible to speak to him.
He keeps talking like he was the victim of domestic violence and not the other way around.
He wants to spend time together as a family but only when it suits him when we do meet he is aggressive and angry with me and extremely cold.
He has said his anger and bitterness toward me makes it impossible for him to speak to me properly.
How do I say what I need and want without being abused
The no contact phase doesn’t work because when he asks about our son I’m afraid not to answer

EBR Team Member: Amor

August 31, 2016 at 1:25 pm

Hi Karen,

you need to move on from him and have therapy so you can heal from him

Herewego

August 26, 2016 at 9:26 pm

As of today, the guy I’ve been dating has officially called it quits. These last few days I was needy, texted a lot, looked pathetic. Accused him of wanting to see other people. He seemed angry today when he said this was done. Didn’t respond to my last comment. Soooo think Nc can even work for me??? Have I done too much damage? Thanks for any help, I appreciate it.

Herewego

August 29, 2016 at 1:52 am

Also, one more thing to ask, should I go on a dating site? If he sees me on there will it hurt my chances of getting back with him later? I thought it may be a good distraction to go on a date or two…. but I know he has usedan dating apps before… so I’m nervous he’ll see me on there. Thanks again for all the questions! 🙂
EBR Team Member: Amor

August 30, 2016 at 10:53 am

Hi Herewego,

I have to apologize first. I saw your latest comment in the spam section but instead of unspamming it, I accidentally deleted it. I can’t remember what was it. Anyways, it’s normal that you would beg on the first day of breakup, so it’s not too late to do nc yet. THough, we can’t guarantee that it will work. It’s ok to go dating but I think it would be too soon to be on a dating app. If he sees that, it might look like you’re being too forward. Go on group dates, and let him wonder what you’ve been up to.

Flush

July 24, 2016 at 4:51 am

Hi, my now-ex, had a big fight, overwhelmed by hurt, I said break up. Contacted him 4days later to salvage n he insisted now he wants a breakup. When I said how to change your mind he said he needs time. In this 1.5mths time, spoke to him f2f once and once they text, to share what needs to be changed on my end, what went wrong etc. but he still insist he can’t see it working. He said he can’t help but feel the ill feelings from all our fights now. N think we are not compatible. Admit it’s now hurts vs love. Thinks we only hurt each other but the good times are so good. So confused. But don’t want to leave me hanging. I couldn’t wait anymore cos it was hurting me during the wait, I decided if he said he insist he can’t see us working, I respect n so collected my things from his place.

On that day, had a long chat. Funny thing is he is crying much more than me altho I’m the dumpee. He said he was scared to walk out altho he can’t see how we can work. He can’t get past what hurt him n the fights. He said he googled ‘shld u still break up when u still care’ he basically can’t stop crying but insist we can’t work. (Not a gd match) n this break up is hard. He said logically he thinks we can’t work. When he read the last letter I wrote to him, he weep like someone died. We could even have convo where he still whinges Abt his work/friends. Some small moments of laughter. But he didn’t stop me from leaving. Ask what are his plans, he said duno just wanna be alone n happy. So. Now here i am, officially broken up. But keep having feelings that he still loves me just really hurt to see it now?? What are my chances?

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 26, 2016 at 6:18 pm

Hi Flush,

You said it’s been 1.5 months right but you haven’t been in no contact. do that first.. I think you should do 30 days.. and then just keep in improving yourself

VeryNice

July 20, 2016 at 8:57 pm

Hi Chris and friends!

My boyfriend of a year and a half broke up with me yesterday, citing my allergies to his cats, my aspirations to move to a bigger city, and his feelings for me weren’t as strong as they were. I cried, but I was expecting a break-up since he’s been finding ways to avoid me for the past month or so (since we last went on vacation together). I didn’t beg for him to reconsider and I have not contacted him at all since the break-up. However no contact is going to be a difficult thing to continue since we share a circle of friends (and we’re all meeting up tonight). We also work together so I hope that using the “No contact when you work together” is also applicable for a friend group setting?

It also seems really sudden that in the past month he’s gone from singing karaoke songs to me all the way to a break-up. I’m confused as to what’s going on and I would like to get him back. Thank you guys for your time.

VeryNice

July 22, 2016 at 1:11 pm

Yeah. That was me. I kinda forgot I posted the first since that was before actually sleeping for a bit. Anyways. Went to the first game night and it was fine. It felt like literally every other game night, so that makes me think that he was thinking about the breakup for awhile before that. And work is totally fine since we work in different departments so there’s very little interaction. I still haven’t contacted him so that’s pretty neat. I’m not sure if that means I STILL have to miss some of the game nights.
EBR Team Member: Amor

July 22, 2016 at 8:22 pm

better if you can.. coz at least that helps for your nc to have more impact
EBR Team Member: Amor

July 21, 2016 at 7:16 pm

hi verynice,

did you have a first comment? that one sounds similar to yours.. yes you can use that to your friends too.. but if you can skip even just two meetups then better

ThePseudoRedHead

July 20, 2016 at 11:05 am

So my ex and I broke up about four hours ago. We dated for nearly two years and oh my goodness does it hurt. His reasoning for our breakup is that we had different aspirations (I don’t wanna be stuck in a redneck town where he’s content to just exist), I’m allergic to his pets, and he just didn’t have the same feelings for me as he once did. He was completely stoic during our breakup where I was in tears (duh and/or hello?) but I accepted it because the heart wants what the heart wants. That being said I haven’t been single long enough to mess up NC or any of the other steps in ex-recovery (or whatever else I’d want, really).

His family really liked me and a few weeks ago his mom was going on about how we’d been dating for so long and should be thinking about getting more serious or something like that, since she’s a super traditional lady.

Currently I don’t THINK I want him back even though, oh my goodness does it ever hurt, but if I were to hypothetically decide that I’m the greatest person on the earth for him, what do I do from here? I should note that he and I work together and share several friends (we all get together once a week for game night). How do I navigate this?

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 21, 2016 at 4:36 pm

Hi ThePseudoredhead,

if you can skip at least 2 consecutive game nights do that.. and then other than that just be busy with yourself

Jenna

July 12, 2016 at 3:17 am

Hi, Chris. My ex and I have been broken up for eight months now. He broke up with me three days after returning home from a trip we took together with his family. We were together for almost six years and all of a sudden, a few months before the trip, he started blowing me off. He became distant and was distant on the trip as well. The breakup felt awful, and it stung even more when three months after it, I found out he started dating an older woman (only four or five yrs older than him) the VERY NEXT day after ending it with me. I asked for the key to my house back, my friend got it back for me, and I sent him an awful, nasty text to him about how he was a coward, and a stoner, and won’t amount to anything. He sent me back a txt saying the breakup and me being sad was all my fault and that I only had myself to blame for feeling bad and that he left me because I bitched about everything. It was terrible. When he txted me Merry Xmas six weeks after our breakup, I thought he missed me but now I don’t think so. I’m so confused and I hate what I said to him. He smokes weed all the time and I hate how it’s changed him. I hate that I complained so much and I’m working on changing that. I just do feel like it’s all my fault now, only cuz he said it was. I don’t know what to do and I hate that after eight months, he’s still with this other person. How do I fix things? How do I make him regret it? Can I follow the things on this post I’m commenting on and it’ll work? I’m so lost. Please help and thank you.

Jenna

July 13, 2016 at 3:00 am

Thank you, Amor. And yes, he still smokes weed now. He does very potent (contains lots of THC) weed almost every day. He does it at least a few times a week for sure. And yes, I did complain about that a lot. He actually brought it on the cruise ship and smoked it two times a day the whole week we were there. My friends and family keep telling me weed obviously changed him and me constantly telling him to stop doing it made him end things. It’s so hard to believe tho only because he thinks he’s ok and he thinks doesn’t have a problem. But, I know he does. His sister told me weed is the only thing he ever really talks to her about anymore.

I complained about a lot of things, so he was right about that. I just can’t believe that’s the only reason he ended it and I know it’s not. I’m working hard on not complaining and am reading “A Complaint Free World” by Will Bowen to help myself. I know I’m beautiful and have a great personality, tho I have some stuff to work on for sure. I just wish things didn’t have to change.

If you have any other advice or thoughts, I’d appreciate it. Thank you. I’m going to focus on myself and do what some of the posts on this site say and if it doesn’t get him back, I know it will at least attract someone new and make me a better me. And, after everything he’s said and done to me, I honestly don’t know if I would take him back if he ever did give me an opportunity to be together again. It’s hard.
EBR Team Member: Amor

July 12, 2016 at 5:11 pm

Hi Jenna,

he still smoking weed now? if you complained about that, it was sensible.. we can’t guarantee it will work to get him back but for sure you will improve and you won’t lose anything but gain confidence out of that

Nieve

July 9, 2016 at 12:57 pm

Hi. I just broke up with my bf yesterday as he says he does not want a relationship or committment after almost a year of being together, so he dumped me. I know we are meant for each other, hes given up on me so quickly and didnt even want to work on our relationship. I want to do the no contact rule however we work together so how can i do this? Thankfully we only see each other rarely at work, but iv got 3 whole days in a conference with him next week what do i do?

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 9, 2016 at 5:55 pm

Hi Nieve,

check this out: EBR 032: What To Do If You Work With Your Ex Boyfriend

exproblems

July 8, 2016 at 7:58 am

Hey there, well where to start. (It’s pretty messed up really) Well it started off as a one off thing 😉 We talked but I had no feelings for him. Then a month later I found out I was pregnant and kept him updated through the pregnacy. On my last months of pregnancy we fell for each other and decided to be together. Our son was born and the first few months of my son’s life he was more than amazing, but he slowing stop seeing his son then the messages got fewer and fewer. Yes I was being annoying calling and texting, I’ll admit that. We were on and off, long story short a found out he was still in love with his ex and he was chatting up other woman (Seen the messages) I asked him and he admitted it to me. I broke it off. The thing is, No Contact? We get in contact for our son, I don’t understand how that will work for me.

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 8, 2016 at 4:20 pm

Hi Ex problems,

you’re going to do a limited contact with him.. check this post:
Get Your Boyfriend Back If You Have A Child Together

Marina Gonzalez-Irvin

July 5, 2016 at 7:06 pm

Please help me to understand my ex. He is the one, I know this. He is sending so many confusing signals, I really need help.

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 6, 2016 at 8:30 am

Hi Marina,

check this article:
Decoding The Mixed Signals From Your Ex Boyfriend

distilledwater

July 3, 2016 at 2:51 pm

my fiance of 7 years cheated on me and left me for his co-worker whom he fell for a few months ago. It was especially horrible because he stringed me along for a while even after I found out about his affair before officially breaking up with me a couple of weeks ago. Immed after the split he spent time with me as the other woman was away on business and we talked a lot about how I felt and he seemed unsure of his decision. We both agreed to stay friends. However, the moment the woman came back, he reverted to being obsessed with her and I could not take it so I instituted NC. Before that I gave him a heads up to say that we should not see each other for a while because I need to protect myself from being hurt again and cut him out from my heart.

It has been about 5 days since NC, and he has texted me every day: at first mostly to ask how I am doing, and tried to call me a few times. Yesterday he was more aggressive by saying it has been some time and he wants to know why I am ignoring him when we promised to be friends, and that I should at least let him know if I don’t want him to talk to me. He says he wants to clarify things and has suggested coming to visit.

So i haven’t responded to his messages or his calls. Assuming that I have thought through this 200% and still decide that I want him back, after the NC period, how do you respond to the inevitable question of “why did you ignore me?”. In any case, is this one of those situations where you break NC to talk to him or complete a shorter NC period? Also, what do I do if he just shows up at my doorstep one day?

distilledwater

July 8, 2016 at 2:01 pm

Hi Amor,
Just wanted to be sure – so I can’t tell him outright that I have moved on, but at the same time I behave as if I have by appearing very cheerful and unaffected by the break-up?

If he wants to talk about our past, or the other girl, should I try and change the topic to something more light-hearted? And basically no talk at all about how his actions have hurt me so much?

Thanks!
EBR Team Member: Amor

July 8, 2016 at 5:00 pm

yes…because you will look like you’re just making him believe it..

if he initiates about the past eigher be cool and answer calmly..or tell him you think it’s not the right time yet to talk about your past.. if it’s the other girl just be calm and cool.. and nope you can’t initiate heavy talks yet
Distilledwater

July 7, 2016 at 10:46 am

Amor, thanks for your advice!
Just a few follow-up questions: If after NC I tell him I took away time for myself to heal, does that indicate that “since I am now contacting you, I have healed and am moving on with my life without you”? Is part of the plan letting your ex believe that you have no feelings for him anymore? Should I be making an affirmative statement to this effect then?

Also, what if he wants to talk about his affair and his choice to leave me for the other girl? Do i engage him on this?
EBR Team Member: Amor

July 7, 2016 at 5:39 pm

you mean you want to say that directly? Nope, it’s like making him believe you are.. If he wants to talk about the other girl, stay relaxed and cool.. you can’t get angry because that will push him away.
EBR Team Member: Amor

July 4, 2016 at 7:54 pm

hi Distilled water,
nopr.. you only break nc in case of emegency or if he says he wants you back.. if he appears at your doorstop, let him in and listen to what he has to say..if he just wants to save the friendship, tell him you’re not.ready and you need to heal then you’ll reach out again once you’re ok..

after nc, you can tell him you took time away for yourself to heal

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