5 Powerful Methods To Make Your Ex Boyfriend Regret Losing You

1,759 thoughts on “How To Make Your Ex Boyfriend Regret Letting You Go”

Alisa

December 1, 2014 at 12:12 pm

My partner of 22 yrs is leaving me. He is currently abroad for 4 weeks to decide whether to return home. We have 3 kids. What is the rule for no contact if you live together?

admin

December 1, 2014 at 3:47 pm

You have to act like rooommates essentially.

Why did he leave you?

ruby

December 1, 2014 at 10:40 am

Hello.. I just came across your website and wanted to ask you something..
Been in a relationship for almost 3 years.. and love this guy so much. We are opposites.. im more of a family type girl and love sentimental stuff.. although i know i am very confident too in what i do.
.. hes more of a strong bold confident entrepreneurial type of guy.
I made a mistake of lying to him about getting a lift from work from a person he does not like. That guy 2 likes me as well and i told guy2 im not single yet because hes at the age where he wants to settle down he didnt stop trying. I obviously paid no attention as i was committed to guy 1. Guy 2 also knows me and my family so hs always around i just wish guy 1 was in that place instead. Everythingg was brilliant between me and my boyfriend till guy 2 took my phone n read my conversation with my boyfriend. It pissed him off so he rang my boyfriend and i had to tell my boyfriend the truth. That i accepted a lift to work from that guy2 and on like few occasions due to mutual friends we also were at a cafe together.. as a group mostly.
I know guy 2 and anything to do with him didnt mean anything but boyfriends is very upset that i lied and says he cannot trust me anymore. Truth is it was so trivial and meaningless to me that the next day i wouldnt even think about guy 2.
Boyfriend doesnt want me anymore depsite the beautiful 3 years. I mean is my mistake this unforgivable. . The way ive been speaking to him and telling him how i just need one chance he says why should i give u it. In anger he said he wants a better honest clever and more entrepreneur type of girl now. I know he said it to burn me a bit but i dont want him to obviously do that.
I have got the qualities to be a good wife for him but hes too mad to see it. I know u may say dont talk to him but i cant help but feel he will think i dint care even though ive been trying for the last month. I cant let go of things just like that.. we planned our future and marriage and some members of my family know too.. but at the moment hes not concerned.
What is your opinion on this?

admin

December 1, 2014 at 3:43 pm

You shouldn’t have lied about that probably but this guy 2… he is a cancer and is going to never stop trying to sabotage your relationships in the future.

Thats my opinion.
ruby

December 1, 2014 at 10:42 am

I meant to say.. ‘im not single’ instead of ‘im not single yet’ to guy 2.

Jenny

November 28, 2014 at 6:16 pm

Please help. My ex boyfriend and I had been together for almost 2 years. We broke up a few days ago. The back story is pretty magical. We met in college in the dining hall. We had checked each other out for months and didn’t know that the other liked us. Finally he approached me and we hit it off instantly. We went on a few dates and before i knew it I was meeting his parents and visiting him at home. Through the course of our relationship we’ve always been very similar in our wants. We share the same morals and values and I love that he possesses everything I thought I ever wanted in a man. He was chivilrist and always took care of me. Made me feel safe and secure. Our first months as boyfriend and girlfriend we had to spend apart because of school vacation. But we managed to visit each other throughout those months. They were bliss. After coming back to school in September we were doing great and then things started going downhill. I started getting mad over petty things after I had seen some messages he has sent a girl while he was out partying without me. They weren’t excessively flirty, but there was some intent. After seeing that I broke down and lost a lot of trust in him. We were able to work and move forward but there was a constant nagging in the back of my head to always feel the need to check up on him. So I did. He continued to have contact with this girl via snapchat and he knew it bothered me. He insisted they were friends and that it was nothing. I was at the point where I felt that if something truly hurt me enough to bring to his attention that he would stop. Instead he kept going. Which made me even more paranoid. We ended up going on a break because of all our fighting and it devastated me. During this break I was a mess. It lasted a little over a week. When we got back together I had seen messages from this very girl he had been snap chatting and I knew he was using her as a distraction which pissed me off but I let it go. Eventually it got to the point where this girl had called him at 3am and I basically have him an ultimatum. I was through with him and this girl and told him to block her on snap chat and that it was obvious something was going on. He still insisted it was nothing but eventually complied with blocking her. This brought some ease to me for some time. But the fact that I had to basically beg him for it made me seriously question his character and his motives. He didn’t like a guy that I used to snap with and it came naturally to take him out of the picture because my ex meant more to me than whatever I was talking about with this other guy. Anyway, a few months passed and we still fought over petty things. I got mad over dumb and insignificant things mainly from insecurity. So he broke up with me. Again I was devastated. I sent him the pathetic pleads to give me a chance and that I would do better. No avail. finally I backed off for a few days and he came crawling back. We decided to work it out yet again. We had fights here and there still and our relationship always felt like it was on the line. He is a very outgoing and personable guy who likes attention and it normally wouldn’t bother me but after losing the trust so far back, it was so hard for me not to be paranoid. I would get upset over the slightest things because I always feared he had other motives, just as I had seen with the first girl before. We threatened to break up several times and always decided to keep working it out. We argued about whether or not our relationship was realistic since we would be going into a long distance relationship after he graduated. Now I am abroad and we have still managed to fight over stupid things. I get upset over the people he snalchats with and it bothers me that he knows his actions will hurt me but does them anyway. I have never been disloyal or cheated. Perhaps all I’ve done is care too much or take things to personally. Since being abroad we threatened to break up so many times if things didn’t change. Meaning if I didn’t stop fivbting him for meaningless things. I couldn’t help myself. I couldn’t help the fact that he was 10,000 miles away with a 9 hour difference to be paranoid and worry all the time. He had be programmed to believe that whenever I was upset or bothered by something that the relationship would immediately be on the cutting board. Which always made me very defensive and made me fivbt my case to the death. Anyway, he’s going into the army and goes into training in January. We haven’t seen eachoyher since end of August and we had made plans to spend NYE together. However, after our most recent fight, over yet another girl whom he was communicating with that happened to be an ex lover, things got sour. I felt like he didn’t care how that communication made me feel. I pleaded for him t just show me that he cared and have consideration of me and my feelings and it didn’t deel so. We went a few days without talking and finally I collapsed and asked him what the deal was between us because he didn’t know what to do moving forward and didn’t believe this relationship was realistic any more. He wanted to break up but I kept telling him that things would change once and for all. But he didn’t believe me. Now granted, I didn’t fail because I didn’t listen to his warnings about our relationship ending if we didn’t stop fivbting, I just never thought our fights would escalate to the ways they did and it was never my intention to fight. I simply came from a place of care and love and desire for respect and consideration. He started to cry saying he tried everhtbing he could to salvage this and that I was the only one he wanted to be with but that he didn’t see this working for the time being and that maybe somewhere down the line we could meet again once I’ve worked on my issues without him. I begged him not to and that I would change. So we agreed to take a break and that we would reconnect in 3 weeks when I came home from break. During this time I was sad. I resched out to a friend of mine who was going through a rough time with his girlfriend. We both vented to each other and I mad do the mistake in trusting him. He ended up going to my ex and trying to get his side of the story. Which oissed my ex off. I don’t know if jt was out of anger but he told my friend plenty of awful things about me and then decided we weren’t gonna get back together. Hearing that killed me because I was I under the impression that we were on a break as that we were open to the options of working it out. So I reached out and told him if he didn’t want to work it out that I should know. We ended up talking again that night and he basically said I couldn’t respect his wishes for space. Which wasn’t true. I never sent my friend to talk to him. I just made the poor choice in trusting him. Now my ex was certain he wanted a break. He said even before my friend had resched out to him he knew it needed to end mainly because he didn’t feel so stressed and that he couldn’t focus in this right before training. He said that if the timing was different and he wasn’t going away for months that we could work it out. But right now he couldn’t. I was obviously devastated. I gave him my long spiel and he didn’t budge. every effort I made proved unsuccessful. He said that he wanted this to be amicable and that maybe sometime in the future we could try this again. Maybe after training ends in June. I couldn’t let it go. It killed me and I was I denial. All these emotions and memories came flooding back and all I could think of is all the things he said to me. “I love you.” “You’re the only one I want to be with” “I can’t imagine myself with anyone else” “I wanna marry you” blah blah. He has never had a serious girlfriend before me and has never said I love you to anyone else before me. He’s very serious about what he says so all I can think of is how he can turn his back on someone he saw himself marrying? Over issues that are fixable. Over issues that in the grand scheme of things aren’t that bad. We just really struggled to compromise because we are both very stubborn people and stuck in our ways. Anyway, I reached out to him yesterday telling him that his was harder than I ever imagined it would be. I pleaded to him again to not throw this away because I know he wants to be with me deep down he just wants to make a realistic choice. And I understand but it pains me. I sent him the numerous messages that pleaded my case, gave him solutions to our problems, told him how I would change and pleaded him not to give up on me. I’ve always been really resilient and very dedicated to the people I love. I don’t give up on them. He has his qualities that drive me up a Wall but I know that he is more good than bad and someone worth fivbting for. I thought that it he could see how committed I was that he’d change his mind. He didn’t. He grew upset and kept saying the time wasn’t right and that maybe sometime in the future. It’s a hard pill for me to swallow. I messaged him again saying that it wasn’t fair for him to place all the blame on me for the figbts and the ending of our relationship. Because I truly did try to chill out. He just expected me to do all the work while he remained the same. He didn’t care to meet me halfway or at least realize how his actions would hurt me too. He made me feel so guilty and I’ve been carrying this weight on my shoulders that’s dragging me down. After sending that message he said he knew I wasn’t the only one to blame and that he knows that. We haven’t talked since. And he leaves for training in a little over a month. I just want to make things work and fix things and this has really opened my eyes to the fact that I really need to change some things about myself. But so does he. Please help. I don’t know what to do because he leaves in a few weeks and I have t seen him in basically 4 months. He’s the love of my life. And I know that I’m his. I feel so broken and sad and betrayed and just thrown away. Like nothing mattered. Like I didn’t matter. Please please help.

admin

December 1, 2014 at 3:18 pm

Have you attempted any type of NC? Or are you scared to because you want to be on speaking terms with him before he leaves for training.

Won’t he still be able to text when hes at training though?

krystel

November 26, 2014 at 11:48 pm

Hello Chris,
Im in high school and my boyfriend broke up with me about a week ago. We’ve been together for almost a year. Everything happened way too fast. he told me he wasn’t feeling the same way he was feeling before. i really don’t know what happened. i talked to everyone to know what i should do and they told me not to talk to him. when he told me he wanted to break up i tried to keep him with him and i told him i would change and everything but i don’t know what to do. i don’t want to chase him but i don’t want him to forget me. Six months ago, im the one who broke up because i wasn’t feeling the same love i was feeling in the beginning and because he was acting like he didn’t care about me even though he did. Two weeks after i broke up, he came back to me and he did everything to have me back. he said he would change and everything. In fact, he did change. i realized after that break up that i couldn’t live without him. Everything was perfect between us even if we would fight. we were really strong and that’s why i don’t know why he broke up. i talked to his best friend and he told me that my ex told him: first love never ends… so im afraid he goes back with the girl he used to like 3 years before. but i really don’t know how it could workout because they are best friends now. also, he told me that he never loved someone as much as he loved me so im supposed to be his first REAL love and his best friend confirmed that. he wants us to stay friends and even best friends but i cant do this right now because i still love him. he doesn’t want things to be awkward between us but im afraid they will. we have the same group of friends so we will eventually see each other. i know that he still cares about me a lot and he doesn’t want to lose me because im important to him. i don’t want to chase him but im wondering if hes telling himself: “im waiting for her to chase me because when she broke up im the one who chased her” but i don’t think he can think that because when he was talking about breaking up, as i said previously, i did everything too stop him so its like as if i chased him a little. im sure he will text me to see how im going because he wants us to stay friends but i don’t want to be in the friend zone. so i don’t know what i should do to make him love me like before. i don’t wanna look desperate either.
i hope you will be able to help me and that your advice will workout. thank you very much i love your site:)

admin

November 28, 2014 at 3:18 pm

Well, step one is usually always NC.

Are you currently doing that?
krystel

December 1, 2014 at 10:32 pm

yes thats exactly what im doing! i had my birthday party yesterday & i invited him before we broke up! to show that he still cares & to show some respect, he came! we barely talked! we huged and he wished me a happy birthday! i acted cool all night & i enjoyed my party to show him that i can have fun without him! oh i forgot to mention that before the party he texted me(1week after the break up) asking if i was excited for my bday and i replied cool also! i was not dry with him i was just normal! & then after the party he said: i hope you enjoyed happy birthday again:) i said: thanks you for coming:)! thats all! now i dont know what to do! if i dont text him i dont know if hell maybe tell himself: shes not making efforts so ill stop trying to text her to stay friends! im confused i really need your help! im doing the no contact rule right now though

Ashley

November 26, 2014 at 1:18 am

Love your website! I love that you encourage women to work on themselves first, it is vital!
My question:
How do I implement the NC Rule when our circumstances somewhat require us to communicate with one and other.As we are in the process of moving out of our home and dividing up dogs. I don’t want to blow him off completely but I also don’t want to seem available to him. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks so much
Ashley

admin

November 26, 2014 at 3:10 pm

You will have to do limited contact. Just focus on business related things. I actually wrote an article about there here.

Cassie

November 25, 2014 at 4:51 pm

Hi, I have a huge dilemma. I’ve known this guy for years. We didnt ever really talk just knew each other through friends. Well back in May we started hanging out and texting. He had a baby on the way with his ex (i know that sounds bad) but theyd broken up then she found out she was pregnant and she didnt wanna be with him through the whole pregnancy. His son was born around may, we were hanging out, his baby mama lives 3 hours away so hed go every other weekend down there and see her and the baby. He had tried and tried and she didnt want him. so we had been hanging out but he felt that it wasnt right to start something with me if his heart wasnt 100% in it. so we ended things, no big deal. i told him i wanted him to figure it out and he should try to have his little family together and i would not come in between him. we didnt talk except for him telling me happy birthday in july. no contact at all from when we ended things in may until he randomly called me the beginning of august. he told me him and her were done and he was done trying and he wanted to give us a real shot. it was great. we had an amazing relationship. got along great. always laughed and enjoyed each other. then a month into us dating i told him he should tell her just so his ex knows and the VERY DAY he told her he was with me shes like well how long have you two been together and hes like a month and shes like well that sucks i was gonna tell you a month ago that i missed you i was like REALLY SHE ONLY WANTS YOU CAUSE I HAVE YOU well he got a new job where he worked weekends so he could not get his son every other weekend so every tuesday he drove 3 hours down there to see his son and 3 hours home that night so he just spent the day there. but i think when he was down there she got into his head. about a month ago he started getting wierd and distant. i could feel it. i found a message on his phone where he admitted to her that he still loved her and missed her but i was way better than her and that he wasnt giving what we had up it really hurt me and it was rough for a few days. we seemed to work past it. even though he seemed somewhat distant still. then he bought me a necklace with 2 hearts in it and a purple diamond which is my favorite color and gave it to me as an early chirstmas present. he hadnt given jewelry to any girl before. then 8 days later he showed up at my house and told me he had to break up with me because it wasnt fair to me that i couldnt have his whole heart. but I SWEAR shes just trying to make him feel bad about how if he wasnt with me they could be a family EVEN THOUGH he tried and tried. his mom dad sister and brother love me and were so pissed. his brother and sister said she loves to play mind games with him and didnt want him this whole time for over a year, but ever since she found out about me shes been up his ass. so they say shell just rip him away from me, tease him and rip his heart out again. so idk what to do. by the way we broke up friday and i havent said anything to him no text no call nothing but i have to meet up with him this week to give him the rest of his stuff back and me mine. so what should i say when i see him? anything? nothing? i mean when we broke up he was balling and repeated over and over i love you i always will i care about you so much i never wanted to hurt you what do i do im in love with two people i just dont know what to do and he KISSED me bye i was like thats the last time youll ever kiss me and hes like i dont know. so i mean he seems so confused. my family says hes in love with me and feels bad about ripping his family apart for his son so hes only gonna be with her for him and they DONT think he really loves her just loves his son so much that he confuses the two. so i REALLY REALLY need your help. PLEASE PLEASE respond and give me some insight. Thank you soooooooo much!!!!!!!

admin

November 26, 2014 at 2:04 pm

Do the no contact rule.

Also, he will always have a bit of allegence to that woman since she is the mother of his child. Nevertheless, she is probably going to chew him up and spit him out.
Cassie

December 3, 2014 at 10:03 pm

So, I did the no contact, but then he texted me because when we broke up we agreed that we would meet up the next week to give him his stuff back and me mine. So we met up, I got out of my car and into his. It was on Thanksgiving to boot, lovely. So anyways, I got in the car and he asked me how I was, I said I’m doing good. And we made small talk. Then he asked me again how I was and he said he was glad I was doing good cause he felt really bad. Then I asked him how he was and he said he is ok. So we sort of talked about his baby mama situation. I explained to him that I understood where he was coming from with the whole family thing. I told him I hoped she would not hurt him, but I felt like she might and I hope he is strong enough to see it coming. He just kept saying he had to do it for his son. He never mentioned her really like he didn’t say he was in love with her or anything. He mentioned that it was like her and his son on one end of a tug a war and me on the other. He said shell always win as long as his son is on it, but he said if it was her vs me only, thered be on second guess that he would choose me. He also kept repeating that he was really scared she’s just putting on a front and that she’s going to end up hurting him again. He told he that he told her that this is the last chance she’ll ever get. And that when he was down there he focused mostly on his son, didn’t talk much to her. He also couldn’t hardly look at me, or only briefly. At one point I asked him if it was wierd sitting here talking to me, and he looked at me and said, “I’ve had butterflies since you got out of your car.” So… that’s where I’m so lost like he obviously still cares and he says he’ll always care about me but he has to try to have his family together for his son. So after that I have not texted him since, tomorrow will be a week, and I do not plan on texting him at all. So what do you think about everything? Any insight will be much appreciated. Thanks again.

Georgia

November 25, 2014 at 12:50 am

Hi Chris!

I like your site. I was hoping you could help me out with something. Sorry this is long.

About 2 months ago I started dating this great guy. Relationship dynamic was awesome, but he works about 100 hours a week. I have much more time so I started doing too much of the work (i know). About 2 weeks ago I stayed over his house on a work night and he ended up oversleeping a bit and missed his morning rounds (hes a surgeon). He didn’t make a big deal, assured me it was fine/not my fault (it wasn’t!), but I worried that he would attribute his lapse in focus on the relationship distraction. He’s been studying 13 years and is months from finishing, i get that he’s under pressure. Anyways, about 48 hours later I kinda had a weird spidey sense that he would distance himself from me to refocus on work. So of course, I get insecure and text him that “i like him a lot but I understand he might not be able to reciprocate right now, but please try to be clear and honest so i can manage my expectations”(paraphrase). two days go by and NO response. I subsequently freak out and say “its ok if you’re not interested in me, but please be respectful and let me know”. He responds that he can’t talk until tomorrow, i respond with a bit more insecure foolishness before cutting myself off, but i never hear from him after that. (he did respond to a totally unrelated text about a non-relationship item a week later so he’s not ‘off the grid’, but we aren’t ‘talking’)

It’s important to note that i’m actually a real catch. He’s an amazing man (except for disappearing!) but he will struggle to find someone like me.

ok. So how do I get this guy back???? I know I need to give him space to chase me.

admin

November 25, 2014 at 3:00 pm

Eventually he will realize that you are a catch and he will regret it I am bettign.

I would start with the NC rule. How long have you been doing that?

Evelyn

November 25, 2014 at 12:36 am

Hello 🙂
My boyfriend and I are both seniors in high school, and we technically broke up about 3 weeks ago, but it was made more official a few days ago, and that’s when I started the no contact period. I was wondering how the no contact rule would apply to a situation where I have to see him every day in class, and in extra curricular activities. I want to continue the ‘no contact’ but I also don’t want to come across as angry and bitter by just ignoring him. Thanks for your help 🙂

admin

November 25, 2014 at 3:00 pm

You have to modify it to be more like limited contact.

vennessa

October 29, 2014 at 3:38 pm

Dear chris,
i have read ur post.its quite interesting .this is my situation.im 20 yrs dis is my first relationship n ma bf n i have been dating for abt a yr.de relationship was going on well till lately he started behaving strange. he always promised to call n nt.ill then ask y n Wats happening to us.he wil always say nothing. i always ask if he still wants de relationship n he will say yes he does. two weeks ago he asked for a break dat he wants us to keep our distance n dat he doesnt have de anxiety like before n keeps asking himself Wats wrong. dat maybe wen he misses me it will be different. its nt easy cuz i always see him online on whatsapp so always felt as to write to him. i broke de NC rule wen i wrote a letter to him three days later to say i understand him n will respect his need for space ,dat he shld take his tym n whatever his decision is,ill be fine with it. ever since dat day we have meet on de street twice bt just waved.now ive been waiting for him to tell me de results of space bt he hasnt .im hurt n confused cuz i think he will move on n forget me.just today i was planning to go to his house n ask him all wat i want bt i came across this post.i thank God i didnt. ill go along with de 30 days NC bt i fear he might take it dat ive moved on n doesnt care no more n dis might cause him to move on too.i( dont knw hw to go abt dat.i love him very much.hw do i go abt dis.pls reply

admin

October 29, 2014 at 4:09 pm

Hi Venessa!

Have you seen my other site, Ex Boyfriend Recovery

Sally

October 28, 2014 at 6:36 pm

Hello, my boyfriend and I broke up last week after dating for 2 years. He broke up with me out of the blue stating he doesn’t feel the same anymore and doesn’t want this anymore. I have done nothing but care and love for him. About 2 months back we had a conversation that he was feeling like myself and his family were putting too much pressure on the “future” and he didn’t know if he could see a life with me. We decided to take things day by day and not put TOO much pressure on the future and stay together. So now he has decided to end it, after continuing to spend time with me, be intimate with me etc. he says he hasn’t been trying anymore because he doesn’t want to and found himself ignoring my messages. He did it over a text message and just stopped talking to me completely, we did not have a face to face conversation until 4 days later after i explained to him that’s the least he could do. I love him with all of my heart but am holding onto SO much anger. At the end of the conversation he said you can still message me and we can meet up again if you’d like, i feel as if he said this because he felt bad that he had just broken my heart. I want him to want me back and realize how badly he’s fucked up. I have continued to have no contact with him even though i fight it every day not to message him. I hate knowing that he is following new girls on social media and partying with his “single” friends. This all seems very fast to me and seems like he doesn’t care anymore and wants to just wipe me from his memory. How do i make him realize before its too late or is this a mega waste of time?

admin

October 29, 2014 at 2:30 pm

Maybe it is his way of coping with the breakup. Going out and partying with single friends.

sara

October 28, 2014 at 3:22 am

What do you do if you have children with this man? How do you apply the no contact rule when you have to see him at sports, school events, or even speak to him once in a blue about the kids? How do you act when you see him? If I act to happy it’ll seem fake, if I act like a b*itch and not speak to him if he tries to speak to me about the Kids I think it’ll just make me look stupid! I don’t know how to act or how I’ll ever make him miss me when I have to see and talk to him on a regular basis.. Help

admin

October 28, 2014 at 4:33 pm

I have written about this actually.

You are allowed to break NC in the case you have children but only to talk about those children… nothing else.

Nay

October 28, 2014 at 12:26 am

i sent u a PM on facebook w my sad tale. Perhaps U could take a look?

admin

October 28, 2014 at 4:31 pm

I will take a look.

You sent it to the page right?

Anon

October 13, 2014 at 3:50 pm

Hi im alyssa and like me and my ex bf just had a broke up last monday…we lasted about 5 months.. it didnt go too well during the last month because of me ditching him and/or being late for our plans just cuz of friends which was very horrible and right now… I feel really sorry for myself.. im trying the NC rule now i just started today and im just gonna see what goes from there. but he kinda has a crush on this girl well a little bit .. but theres just friends.. it does hurt me but i still try not to care cuz all my friends say that i should move on for now and yeahh be happy in my life. but honestly yeah I do want him back because it was my mistake and well im not sure what would happen anyways so I wont assume anything or expect! he was like the best boyfriend ever that I’ve had but he wasnt my first lol. so im just still hoping yenno and yeah. any advice?? 🙂

admin

October 14, 2014 at 3:41 pm

Yep, give no contact a shot!

chin

October 10, 2014 at 2:54 am

Hi sir chris,

i am currently in a complicated situation. My Bf ignores me now. we are in a long distance relationship. he was so sweet back then, when suddenly after 3 days, he’s changed a lot. i kept on sending him messages in facebook but i am always “seen-zoned”. until now he hasn’t replied. what shall i do?

admin

October 13, 2014 at 3:32 pm

Have you broken up with him or are you two still together?

Nessa

October 8, 2014 at 1:47 pm

Hi,
I don’t normally comment on these kinds of things but I feel like I’m in such a horrible and tricky situation and would love some feedback! Me and my boyfriend are currently on a ‘break’, it’s only been a day or two but I’m devastated. We’ve been together for almost 4 years and I truly believe that he’s the one for me. I thought things were good and we were happy but he’s told me that he feels something has changed (he doesn’t know what)and he thinks he’d like to be single. He wants some time to think about the situation. I hold my hands up – I have been difficult to live with at times. I’ve been feeling low and unhappy with different things in my life (not our relationship) and have taken it out on him. There have been arguments and he’s said this has contributed to it. He’s said hes felt this way for the last month but didn’t want to hurt me. It’s a shock as I’ve felt we’ve been fine – intimate, affectionate and so on.

I’ve internally accepted that it’s probably over although this has come as a total shock for me. We live together making this incredibly awkward and difficult… I’ve left the house and plan to stay away and make no contact for a few weeks and hoping maybe this will allow him to work out what he wants and whether he wants to be with me. I hate this limbo of being on a break because potentially I will need to look in to finding a new place, not to mention I’ll have to officially accept that it’s over etc etc. I don’t know how to deal with this situation or what to do now, I’m gutted.

admin

October 9, 2014 at 1:23 pm

Definitely do NC.

He won’t know what hit him.

Shayla

October 7, 2014 at 2:32 am

Hi Chris. Im currently on NC day nr 2. The thing is my ex who also happens to be my business partner broke off with me 2 months ago but we he asked to stay friends. I wasnt cool with it at first but played along for the sake of our business and because i hoped he would regret. I made the huge mistake of having sex with him a couple of times we were together after discussing business. This led me into false hopes and as soon as i thought we are getting along and reconnecting he pushes away which leads into me becoming frustrated and lashed out at him big time via text and told him we cant be friends anymore its over i will move on. I still want him back and even though i dont regret the things i’ve said, i do regret the way i said it. Now, i have to meet him twice monthly due to our business and the next meeting will be right by the 25th day into NC. How can i be professional and still seem like i got my life together and its all okay with me. I dont know how to act or what to say. Also i would like to mention that we were friends first for over 6 years. Also i was thinking the possibility of having our shared assistant meet him instead on the next meeting as she is capable to cover. P.s. we only been in an exclusive relationship for 18 months.
i would really want your opinion . i obviously already miss the him but most importantly the friendship.
Katie

October 6, 2014 at 11:51 pm

Hi, I love the advice you are giving. This seems like the trend across a few sites and I value what you’re saying because youre a guy. You know how this works. So my question is after the initial text and the no contact the next day….what do you do after that? Do I text him again or would he text me and then from there you implement available/unavailable concept? What if my ex does the same thing back to me and ignores me and then does the available/unavailable? How do you overcome that and almost get him texting you on your terms? What is the chance that my ex would notice what I’m doing?

Little background info, my ex and I dated for two years and were at the point of looking at engagement rings. This summer we still randomly saw each other but we were in long distance relationship after two years of being in the same place. He broke up with me 4 weeks ago, he barely said why, I had a mutual friend get the scoop of what he thought happened and then I did the worst thing where all the emails and texts flooded is inboxes. Though I will say part of the emails contained logical apologies for what I did wrong and everything else I shouldn’t have mentioned in the email. Texts were the no no as well but we still remained friendly. I asked to video chat last week about what happened to get answers from him and he had to reschedule for this week sometime but said he wanted to have this talk and thought it was important. When breaking up he left an inclination that we could rekindle potentially later on and our mutual friend said everything reminds him of me throughout the day. These past four weeks I have been working on self improvement and feel great! It also helps knowing he still thinks about me!

My point is, we rescheduled to have this talk and now I’m considering just going into no contact mode for a month and I haven’t talked to him since Friday. Will this work in my favor because we had this talk set up and he’s supposed to text me when he can have it so if I ignore him, he’ll be like what happened?!

Thank you so much!

admin

October 7, 2014 at 1:52 pm

You slowly try to keep texting him and extend the conversations.
Katie

October 7, 2014 at 4:29 pm

Okay so after the one no contact day there should be contact everyday thereafter but like short texts and just keep in mind the time lapse and content….that’s simple enough.
admin

October 8, 2014 at 12:48 pm

Pretty much..
Katie

October 9, 2014 at 2:20 pm

One more thing I have been thinking about. You say some guys are stubborn during no contact but given my ex’s situation with living with his parents and more importantly best friend whole I feel influenced his decision to break up, what is the likelihood he would be influenced not to talk to me during no contact or after because of his surroundings saying not to? Or is it more likely that he would make his own decision and his heart would override his pride? Thanks.
Katie

October 7, 2014 at 3:07 am

Also, here’s key elements. He broke up with me. I know what I did wrong, I know this was not all my fault, he had communication issues, I agree with what he said caused the breakup on my part plus I few other things I realized during a self evaluation. Everything has been put into perspective and I’ve already started working on myself becoming a better person even before I read your articles, which I’ve read like 6 so far tonight. We are still long distance (for two years we were in Iowa together, then I moved back to Chicago with my parents after college graduation and he stayed in Iowa but he is now in tennessee) and the arguments and breakup came at a time that was very stressful for my ex from a new job and moving to a different state. He now lives with his parents and best friend all under one roof for the time being. As much as he said they didn’t influence his decision to end things, I’m not stupid, they totally influenced him.

Just thought this was important to add.

Anonymous

October 2, 2014 at 2:47 am

Hello, my situation is kinda crazy. Me and my supposed to be ex we’re dating for a year and a half. We seperated within 4 months because I was forced to move away. So our relationship turned into a ling distance one. I would always ask him did he want to be with other people or start a new relationship with others. He would lie and say no. Well as tome went on I would come see him and we would get into heated arguments due to things he would post on the internet. Well when I moved back to the town he stayed in I was under the impression we were together. And when I first for here he was acting as if he wanted to be my” man” as he said but something in me was basically screaming that he had been cheating and doing it for a while. So months went by arguments kept getting worst. And one day he was just like idc anymore. I have nothing to say. So I we would ask him does he still want the relationship, he would say things like yea we can work it out. Well this whole time afterwards coming back he had an entire relationship behind my back,and had been making a fool out of me in front of people. I was thinking we were together and every one else including him knew other wise. So now he is telling everyone all these horrible things about me. And I honestly just feel kinda used and just foolish because I was still having sex with this man not knowing there was a scheme all along. I really don’t think I want him back but more than anything I just want to make him see and everyone else in this fucked up town to know I’m about my business abd that he is just a liar. I am trying not to be angry and I don’t want revenge but now I can’t go anywhere without me hearing bullshit that he has had to say about me. And it honestly hurts my feelings bc when we first got together I helped him get the job he has, even paid his phone bills and I’m only 19 and he is21. How can I redeem myself? How can I change this for the betterment myself without feeling so deprived?

admin

October 3, 2014 at 2:33 pm

May I ask why you want him back?

Casey

September 30, 2014 at 8:52 pm

Hello! Recently, my boyfriend and I have broken up because he feels that he should work on himself, focus on school, and overall his future. The breakup was not mutual, though I was very understanding and I loved him enough to respect his decision. We are both seniors in high school and this is a long distance relationship. He is not one of those “people” who date online and I am not either, but there was something about him that wanted me to take a chance on him. Anyhow, we had been really close friends for a little more than a year before I confessed to him. We had just been dating for 5 months, then the next day this happens. I feel it is the stress of what is to come that made him succumb to this “answer.” He thinks that we will eventually dislike each other, because he wouldn’t be able to be there for me as often and to be able to “support’ this relationship. It takes two to tango and he knows that I am a very patient and understanding person- I am. I know my break points, I’m sure this won’t be so bad- he should’ve just gave us a shot. It sucks that he doesn’t believe we can overcome it, because I see him in my future and want him in mine, but I don’t think he “fully” sees me in his, he just seems to anxious. Anyhow I promised myself I wouldn’t fight back for him, because every time I fought back for someone whom I have fell so hard for (My ex, is the 3rd, but he is way different from the others). I didn’t want to ruin what little I thought I had left of him- so I broke the no contact rule 2 days after the breakup and well we’ve settled things- so it wasn’t so bad. He said that if for any reason he starts to regret this, he will tell me immediately. So for now, I’m keeping keen to the no contact rule- although I’m indirectly putting quotes on my skype status that are meant for him- I stopped doing that today and shall now focus on myself and trying to hold on to the hope of him wanting me back. Do you think I still have a chance?

admin

October 1, 2014 at 3:48 pm

Did you read my long distance articles. It can help you a lot.

Anonymous

September 30, 2014 at 8:13 pm

Dear Chris,

My situation might be a little bit different from the others. I’ve been dating a guy for a few months now. I really like him, and would love to get to know him better so that in the future we could maybe start a relationship. But the problem is: he is not so sure at all. He was dumped by his ex-girlfriend, and isn’t quite over her yet. He does like me, but he’s a mess and that’s why it’s not working out. He only texts me when he feels like it, we have already kissed several times but it won’t get serious and he admits that he’s not ready for it to get serious. But I am mad. He kinda messed with my feelings, by first saying he wants to get to know me better, and then again not… I haven’t heard him for 2 days now. My question is, should I start NC? Because he’s not my ex-boyfriend… He’s also from my neighbourhood so I will probably see him now and then. What should I do?

admin

October 1, 2014 at 3:45 pm

Hmm… no maybe some form of limited contact though.

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