3 Powerful Ways To Make Your Ex Miss You During No Contact

123 thoughts on “How To Make Your Ex Miss You During No Contact”

Esther

November 1, 2019 at 2:30 am

Hi Chris. My boyfriend and I were together for 14 months, being in contact 24/7 by messaging, occasional calls and meetups once or twice a week (he lives about 2 hours away from me so not too close). I am 21, he is 20. We became very close and also kind of co-dependent, and the relationship had issues but now that we’re apart I’ve realised it’s him I truly want to be with and I’m willing to try and do what it takes to see if I can get him back. Well, his parents are kind of traditional and according to what he told me they never liked me and the fact that he was dating me, he said it’s not really personal they just don’t support him having a girlfriend as he “needs to experience the world and other girls” before he eventually settles down. He lives at home with his family. So about 1 month ago he started messaging shorter than usual, was colder and didn’t show as much affection as he used to. We still hung out but I could feel that something was different, like he wasn’t really there. Like he wasn’t worried anymore that much if he lost me (he used to be really overprotective anxious about other guys potentially interacting with me and stuff). I confronted him about his behaviour change a couple times but he usually stayed with nonchalant face and said he’s alright. There were also some unkind comments from him. He told me a couple weeks ago on the phone which we regularly talked on that his parents are blaming him not being home enough on me and that it’s my fault he’s always gets home late, blah blah and his mum even kept asking him “why are you still with her, you should not be in a relationship” etc. even though I never even met them. They never even knew when he came over or slept at my house because he left his phone at his friends house on which his parents apparently installed a device to see where he is. So he kept lying a lot to his parents when he met up with me and had to make up stories. A week ago he messaged me out of the blue saying he’s sorry but he needs some space and that he doesn’t know yet for how long but he just needs to be alone… so we stopped talking for the first time in 14 months but it wasn’t yet a breakup as all he said he just needed space.. I already had a really bad feeling though and from that day I had no appetite, I fell apart and got frequent urges to break down. I had no idea how long his “space” will be, he was never even a space person he always liked to be in touch. Well, it lasted 1,5 day and the next evening he called me and we were on the phone for 3 hours. He said he can’t take it anymore and wants to tell me the things that have been on his mind.. he said his overthinking and anxiety about our relationship has been getting really bad to the point where he overthinks every little text message I send him when we talk, and also said he “knew he wasn’t quite ready for a relationship” yet even before we started dating but that he fell in love with me at first sight and felt a connection so strong he wanted to make me his… but that he thinks he’s “immature” and that it’s about him and not about me, he said he also thinks “he’s not the best thing for me”. So I asked him what he wants and he said it might be best if we go our separate ways. We both cried towards the end he said he wanted it to be a mutual agreement but I definitely didn’t want it and he knew it. He even said he loved me and that it wouldn’t affect that.. also asked me during the breakup conversation that if we were to run into each other in a few years and started talking would I give things another chance. I said maybe, as couple years is a lot of time. I’ve been thinking a lot if what he said was the truth, or those reasons were just a cover for something else he didn’t wanna hurt me more with.. he could’ve lied to me he’s good a thing lying to his parents. I’m thinking maybe he lost attraction for me and didn’t wanna be with me and/or found someone else.. when we hung up for the last time afterwards I sent him one more message saying I love him and then the next day since we didn’t yet remove each other off each other’s Facebook it tortured me seeing him online constantly and not talking to me so I sent him another message the next day in the evenings saying I think it’s for our own good if we don’t see each other’s stuff at all.. then as soon as he saw the message I blocked him on Facebook but we agreed we would leave each other our phone numbers just in case for the future. Then he sent me one last response on SMS saying yes he thinks that might be best too and told me to take care of myself. I didn’t respond. After that we had no contact andIt’s been 5 days now haven’t heard anything from him have no idea how he is or what’s happening with him I really want to just reach out and ask him.. but I read about no contact and decided I would do it.ive also realised this is the guy I want to be with and I want to try and get him back… what do you think in my situation? I really want this guy as I love and miss him, how should I go about getting him back? I’ve been in no contact for 5 days now he still hasn’t reached out but don’t know how long i should do it as i don’t want him to move on from me either. Sorry about the long post I would really appreciate your advice. Thank you Esther

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

November 9, 2019 at 12:45 am

Hey Esther, so your ex is not going to forget about you within the 30 days of No Contact but if you want to follow this process it really is necessary, make sure you read through all the relevant information to your situation on this website, making sure you know what you need to be doing during your No Contact too

Louise

October 26, 2019 at 2:04 pm

Hi,
My boyfriend of 5 years broke up with me 2 months ago as we had been going through a really rough patch due to how I had unsupportive and selfish I was behaving around a new job he had taken. We have always very in love and had planned out our lives together with friends and family and ourselves included thinking we would get married. However in the last few months the stress of the new job and my behaviour put immense strain on us and after a few months he cracked and said we needed to break up because we weren’t making each other happy and were on different life paths. I was devastated but decided to address my behaviour straight away and began having therapy to address why I had behaved in this way. I didn’t contact my ex but live around the corner from each other and after 1 week we ran into each other and spoke briefly where I told him that I was going to therapy. After seeing him I still didn’t contact him but bumped into him again on week 3 and week 5 where we had longer conversations. He told me that he misses me a lot and isn’t finding this easy but that after being together from 19-25 he feels he needs some time alone. We agreed to meet to properly talk at 7 weeks, we met and spent the whole day together and I was able to tell him everything I have learnt in therapy and why I previously acted as I did and why I know it won’t happen again now I confronted my issues. He listened and said he still loves me but mentally just isn’t there to be in a releationship with me and doesn’t know if and when that will change and so doesn’t want me to wait for him because it’s unfair. At the same time he admitted he could see a potential future for us but that he just doesn’t know right now and knows he needs to be on his own. I love him more than anything and this time apart has proved to me more than ever that I want to spend the rest of my life with him. Since meeting 2 weeks we have sent 2 messages just to address some life things that were happening but it has been clear he doesn’t want to chat. Would you recommend beginning no contact now and even though it’s already been 2 months apart with some contact and a meet up?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

October 27, 2019 at 10:07 pm

Hi Louise so I would suggest giving it a full 30 days nc and working on yourself in that time so that you make some positive changes to your life big or small it matters in the sense that it makes you happier in your life. Then when you reach out to him you do not mention the break up the relationship or anything to do with your past. You reach out as friend asking for advice on something you know he is knowledgeable in, or telling him you’ve done something you know he is interested in doing as a hobby or wanted to do one day. The conversations need to be positive short and ending at the peak

Theodora

October 21, 2019 at 1:54 pm

Hi could you please help?

My boyfriend put a stop to us seeing together because he said he finds everything hard at the momemt, including planning, feelings drowning etc. His reasons are 1) logistics (but i have offered to drive to him once a fortnight (we live 1.5 hrs drive away) and 2) his mental health which makes planning difficult, especially as he also flies to Edinburgh for work ar least once a fortnight. Last week he expressed an interest in not losing me as a friend as everything was natural and flowed between us (but he did say he recognised his selfishness). I told him i dont think i could be just friends or we could given history etc.He told me to contact him when im hurting less. I told him again i dont think i could be just friends and said id be in touch when im ready but that i may check in with him to see how hes doing. It has now been around a month since he broke things off and 10-11 days since i initiated no contact. But i do want to support him if hes suffering.

What should i do?

Background:
After he put stop to us seeing each other, (although he said he was no longer sure about what he wanted when i asked him if he was sure), i didnt message him for about a week. Then texted him to see how he was doing. We then chatted every day as we would usually but it got confusing for me emotionally especially when he sent a rather formal text which when we talked about it he said it was because he saw on fb that i felt ready to move on and he wants nothing but happiness for me but when i deleted it he wondered what that meant for our friendship. I explained that i was sorry he saw that but it was really a post to say im not afraid to have other people in my life (im currently divorcing) asi was so afraid of what people may think. But took it down as thought it was not best forum and my ex family will get message albeit more sesitively. I asked him what he wanted from me and he said friendship would be nice as being anything more would mean meeting regularly which he just cant deal with at the moment. I said i couldnt just be friends as we went far beyond. But do wonder as i want to support him and do love him. Hes talked about feeling of drowning, his life is a mess, lots of travel plannings etc. More explained below.

We met online and chatted regularly for a couple of months before finally having a first date in December and decided to be exclusive in feb. He has a son and lives near south coast of England and works half the week in Edinburgh. He has said hes finding everything hard, not in control of his emotions, worried something seriously wrong with him, and needs to simplify his life. I live in london with my daughter. Ive offered to drive to see him and for him to stay at mine at the weekends but he says that even slightest planning is too much for him . Also said he doesnt want to hurt us (meaning me and my daughter) or get us caught up in what he has expressed his life is a mess .

I stopped contact for a week after we messaged for a few days regarding the break up but messaged him to see how he was doing. He said he was happy to hear from me. Chats continued for a week almost as we were and became confusing . I asked him what he wanted from me and he said friendship that losing me as a friend would be hard as what we had came so naturally and flowed. I told him i couldn’t just be friends because of my feelings for him as much as i wanted to. He asked if our friendship hurt me and i said it wasnt our friendship that hurt. He said i have his details and to contact him for anything in any circumstances. I told him how can he do that when hes been worried about his mental health (also said sometimes he feels as though hes drowning) and he cant be there for me as a partner how can he be their as a friend. I told him i have plenty of friends and family to support and he needs to concentrate on himself. He said he was trying to get courage to see his GP but was afraid of the repercussions on his work, house, son etc.

I left it as i couldnt be friends but would check in on him to see how hes doing. i had offered to be there for him as a partner but for him that would mean meeting up and he said the logistics are just too difficult for him mentally at the momemt (we live a 1.5 hr drive away).

How should i deal with this? What are your thoughts?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

October 21, 2019 at 8:36 pm

I would suggest giving him space and time to get his own headspace sorted and know what he is feeling and in that time focus on you and your life for a while. Not speaking to him or contacting him at all for a minimum 30 days and then reach out as friend talking about something he is interested in and that will get him talking. dont have emotional conversations or anything about the past only a positive small chat

Sarah Puckerin

July 24, 2019 at 3:44 pm

Hi am 46 and my ex 33 we’ve been together for two years before that we were friends for fourteen years, I am married with adult kids due to my husband constant unfaithful, we got together he’s the best thing that ever happened to me he showed me love and was very open and honest with me things I never got from my husband. But he called it off about a month ago because he said he wants more and can’t get that from me, said he loves me more than anything but is going into depression because of the relationship I know he’s right I can’t give him more I can’t live with him etc I use to be at his apartment alot we got the place together and furnished it all the stuff in there I got it. I’ve never loved anyone this wayy not even my husband. He is the first man I’ve been with other than my husband I love him soo much and selfishly want him to want me back into his life. Plzxx help….tee
sam

July 14, 2019 at 1:41 am

will making him miss you through social media work if you’re blocked on all social media? How else could I get his attention if not through social media?
Alaijah

July 5, 2019 at 7:11 pm

Will no contact work if my ex expects it? We agreed and said we weren’t going to talk for awhile but in the past we have been on and off about it and I’m usually the one to come crying back. We were dating for a year
Tracy

June 3, 2019 at 10:42 pm

I forgot to mention, my ex is not on any social media and he ghosted me…do you think there’s any chance he’d respond if I text him after no contact?

Chris Seiter

June 3, 2019 at 11:27 pm

hey Tracy….so I think your chances are enhanced if you implement NC in the way I each in my Program.

Pragati

May 25, 2019 at 12:07 pm

Hey Chris
Me and my boyfriend are in relationship from 15 months..we were best till January..and in February we had a fight over a girl and he got very frustrated and I apologized to him and things were normal again but then he started asking for space on every little argument…he recently asked me for space I gave him and one day I saw him with another girl..i got frustrated and scared bcz I thought he is cheating on me n ended up overreacting…nd told everything to his parents..by the way our families are involved..then they told me whatever I did was wrong..he said he dont want to be with me as I keep on fighting and is scared tht I will continue to do so in future…and his parents to were disappointed..they told me to give him space and show him tht u have changed..he won’t leave you but I m really scared..bcz even if he will miss me he won’t tell or contact me bcz of his attitude and ego…i really love him and I m scared I m loosing him..please help me out…
Francesca Wiles

April 5, 2019 at 1:36 pm

Hi Chris,
My ex and I broke up because he was feeling suffocated; that was right after we had spent almost 10 whole days together without a break. I was devastated. I did the nagging, calling, texting route knowing it was wrong. He has been up and since then even going so far as to tell me I’m the most amazing, loving person he’s ever met and that he would be an idiot not to see us through. That was St. Patrick’s day. We spent the following Monday night together and Tuesday night as well. We facetimed on Wednesday and everything seemed fine with him even asking if we were okay and telling me he needed some emotional validation that I cared and felt we were moving in the right direction. I, of course said yes. By Friday afternoon he told me he was incredibly depressed and didn’t want to get out of bed. We had made plans to see each other that Saturday. I spent all day at work feeling like he would cancel He didn’t I went to his house and he was still in bed (4pm). We did go out and he seemed okay (not withdrawn or quiet). I asked him that even though he was feeling this way were we stick working towards getting back together. He said yes, but right now we were in a gray area. At the end of the night he said he wanted me to stay, but also wanted to be by himself that night. Take a hot shower and sleep. He spoke to me later that night and said we were working on getting back together. He even said he would see me the next day if he was feeling better and he would text me when he woke up. I hadn’t heard from him by 1 o’clock so I texted and asked if he was coming, he said he was still in bed and wanted to be by himself. He was depressed Monday and by Tuesday I had to ask if we would see each other Wednesday like we planned. He said he had too much going on to even think about forming a relationship. I let him know how much he was hurting me and I said I needed to talk to him. He said I could vent and I would listen but he didn’t want to hash this out. I ended up texting him as I couldn’t bear a phone call where he didn’t really wanna talk. I told him maybe our timing was off; he agreed. I told him I thought some actual time and space might help. I said why don’t we reconvene in 3 months. He said that was so far away. I said what about 1 or 2 months? He said how about 2 months? I agreed and said call me in 2 months. He then said he does love me and that he was still wearing his necklace I had bought him.

What should I do? It’s been a whole week and it’s killing me. I’m trying to keep busy. Working extra at my second job, going to the gym, moving apartments, spending time with friends. Friends have said it’ll be less than 2 months before I hear from him. Are they right? What should I do? Will he contact me? Or is it a lost cause?

Sorry for the length. I’m just confused.
skittles

February 24, 2019 at 4:26 am

Hey, my ex of 1 year broke up with me yesterday. He’s tried to break up with me twice, both reasons have been the same. He says there’s nothing wrong with me I’m beautiful and smart and have a great personality but he wants to focus on himself. He says in a relationship u either give it 100% or nothing at all and because he can’t give me 100% he wants to leave. He’s starting a buisness and getting back on the gym grind so he dosnt have time or money. Money because he wants to invest in his buisness idk why he sees this as a factor in our relationship and time he dosnt have because he dosnt have time to spend with me, sleeping over isn’t enough for him. he also truly believes that we won’t work out in the future cuz of the lack of time I’ll cheat on him or something. He also said he’s been having visions that it wouldn’t work out with me and someone brought it up casually without my ex even telling them and that firmed his decision even more. he still loves me and told me he would miss me but he told me he would swallow those feelings and love me from a distance. he’s intent on us not working out in the future he thinks if he continues dating me it’s gonna end tragically later which is why he’s doing it now. Does the no contact rule still apply here? , idk what to do I need help. I know we can make it work but he dosnt. So how do I get him back and strengthen our relationship.
Ann

January 12, 2019 at 1:31 pm

Hi Chris,
My boyfriend and I have been living together for about a year. One day I come home some of his clothes were gone. I asked him about it and he said he gave them away. Okay, maybe. So finally moved out and said that we need to work on our relationship and that we are still exclusive. I did think it was problem between us. Okay contact was good at first until he got all his things out . After that the contact got slimmer . Okay , no time spent with me during the holidays. So I decided to implement the NC rule and not call him ( I don’t have a time frame). I decided to let it flow. I’ve been the one reaching out since he left with little effort on his end. Would the NC tell me if the relationship is going to end the relationship completely or make it better? I do want the relationship to work, but he’s not making as much effort as I am.
Sara

December 2, 2018 at 8:08 pm

Hey Chris. I’ve been doing the no contact for about 2 weeks now. We’ve been broken up about 3 months. The first month was a break to Center myself. Which was my idea. I’ll call him up see how he’s doing. He’s doing fine. He has moved on! Okay he moved on. He wasn’t supposed to do that. That’s okay I know he loved me. But I know he was afraid. We were getting serious. He said he needed me to help him he wasn’t ready just then. That was before the break he said that. I’ve been staying away and not contacting him for about 2 weeks. Where is his head?I know he’s seeing somebody else. And I am trying to get myself together like I intended to. I miss him.
Ashley

November 29, 2018 at 2:21 pm

Hello Chris,
I am on day three of NC and I ended up becoming very upset and losing hope… Firstly, me and my ex all have mutual friends (including my sister whose bf is his best friend) so my friends will know things that my ex says and won’t tell me half of the truth. In a sense it is kinda like being in a divorced family where our friends move back and forth to our places. Anyway, my sister sent me a screenshot of her bf and my ex text convo and he was saying he doesn’t deal with breakups very well, that he’s just gonna try and stay busy and then he questioned and said “Do y’all think I made the right choice?”. This obviously gave me a bunch of hope because he is having doubts already, but then later that day my sister said that my ex wanted to live the single life and just be by himself… It was then I checked his Instagram and he had deleted all our pictures together and it completely broke me because I had so much confidence in our relationship. Do I still have a shot if I continue the NC rule? our relationship lasted over a year and the last time we saw each other in person we were saying”I love you” to each other and hugging and I also slept at his place. He dumped me via text which is very immature, he is 19 and I’m 20 and we are both in college. Thank you for your time

Chris Seiter

November 30, 2018 at 2:59 am

Hi Ashley….usually best to stick with your NC program. A big part of NC is you unending focus on your own self healing. Do you have Program?

lea

November 27, 2018 at 4:34 pm

Hi Chris,
I was long distance with my bf ( middle east to europe) for 6 months then i moved in with him and now after another 6 months he called time on us saying he really thought it through but it isnt working. Ive had a hard time making friends in a new place and less luck with a job and became depressed. He gets quite anxious and stressed generally and with the fights and unhappiness which i think is also circumstantial he says to leave him alone that its definitely over and to arrange my things with his dad. Is there still a chance he will come back? His family say once hes made a decision he wont change his mind. Not sure what to do.
A

November 22, 2018 at 5:40 pm

Hi ,

Me and my boyfriend were together for 10 years . We recently broke up and I have been in NC for 9 days. This is our second break up , do we still have a chance ? Am I doing everything that I could do??

Thank you,
A

Chris Seiter

November 24, 2018 at 2:24 am

Hi A!

Odds are on your side given the length of your relationship. Are you following my Program for how to do NC according to my site or eBooks?

Rajveer Jeetoo

November 13, 2018 at 4:40 pm

I was dating my girl for 3 months. Our relationship was the best. We were very happy, we were weird together, doing crazy things and we love each other unconditionally. I was not over protective nor possessive towards her. Since last week she told me that she doesn’t want to be in a relationship, she wants break up, she wants to stay alone and she said she will not return to me. I haven’t done any mistake yet. Yes we fought over little things but we cleared the matter the same day. She even told me to move on as she doesn’t want to be in a relationship right now. I’ve been begging her to stay those days but she’s too stubborn. Today i started the No Contact rule. I’m scared if i might lose her forever. I miss her.
Am i getting her back? Is the no contact rule is making her miss me? Is she going to make the first step?
Lorraine

November 2, 2018 at 6:26 pm

Hi Chris! I’ve been dating this guy for 3 months now and it was something more casual but I started to have feelings for him. A few weeks ago he planned camping with me and then texted late night saying he missed me. Well, we went camping. He showed me his favorite place. It was all good! But the other day when he was leaving me at home he said out nowhere he did want to date anyone anymore because he didn’t know what the other person was thinking and that for him to be in a serious relationship and fall in love he needed to be more organized with his life so he needed time. I was so shocked I didn’t know what to answer. A few days later I texted him If we were going to see each other again (cause he keep texting me like nothing has happened) and he said he didn’t know but he wanted to keep in touch and the he was doing this because he all the was thinking about was his love life and that he was felling behind in life. I said that I understood and he should take his time and let me know if he wanted to talk or see me again. Last Saturday he asked to go to his friends house with him. We spend the weekend together and he only apologized about telling all of that in the car but he wasn’t sure when to say or if he wanted to say it. We kept talking on Monday but then he ended the conversation and I’ve heard about him since (I didn’t text him either). What should I do? Should I just give up and move on?

Chris Seiter

November 2, 2018 at 10:47 pm

Hi Lorraine!

It seems you would benefit by rolling into no contact, but its best to understand well how it all works. Visit my site’s home page for access to resources and tools that will help you out!

Sara

October 30, 2018 at 2:29 am

Hey Chris I haven’t talked to him in a while the last thing I sent to him was about my clothes I was suppose to pick them up after my career training had ended. So it’s been about a week and half since I have sent him a text and all I said is he can throw out the little bit of clothes I had but yeah I have implemented a NC rule. I’m not sure if he is lying or telling me the truth I feel like now that we’ve broken up I have realized that he and I have been on and off and it’s making me realize that he’s been trying to maybe get out of the relationship all along so I have been distancing myself emotionally from wanting to try again because I just feel like he is always going to disappoint me again. He said he’s done this before and when I had asked him about it he said he wasn’t doing anything but I have huge trust issues so for me I don’t trust him

Chris Seiter

October 31, 2018 at 12:24 am

Hi Sara!

It seems you have reason to distrust him, otherwise you wouldn’t feel this way. It will all come out in the wash. But right now, leverage your NC period to heal and find things and are fulfilling and rewarding to you. This is your time for “you” to grow and seek to be the best “you” and enjoy all the things that bring you fulfillment.

Rebecca

October 29, 2018 at 2:38 am

Hi Chris!
My boyfriend of 4 months left me after gradually giving me less time & then abruptly telling me he didn’t want to deal with anyone for an entire weekend, after which he broke up with me. I didn’t ask why. I just told him I didn’t want to hear from him again. I constantly lose good men after a few months, but this one was really special & I want him back. That was 3 weeks ago & we’ve had no contact since then.

The men I date are my age(35-45) & very intelligent and socially astute. They all broke up with me & broke my heart. I have no idea why they left me when we seemed so compatible. I feel that they would see right through what I was doing if I tried to contact them for any reason after NC.

My question is this: is this even working? I don’t break the NC rule at all. I’ve never had one of these men contact me himself after the NC. Is this something that really only works on younger, less experienced men? Because it doesn’t seem to work for me at all.

Chris Seiter

October 29, 2018 at 2:42 am

Hi Rebecca!

I think you improve your chances with NC and at the end of the period, I advocate reaching out to the ex in a prescribed method. I discuss in detail in my ebooks, posts, videos. So tap into those resources. There is a lot more to NC than people realize. Its just one of the puzzle pieces.

Sara

October 27, 2018 at 5:17 am

My ex and I broke up last month he said that he wanted to be by himself before we officially broke up I left him two days prior because he was having difficul saying “I love you” back to me. In the past my ex has showed me he cared for me but I guess he wasn’t in love with me which is very confusing. We were together for a year so when I said that to him it was already a year after we’ve been together. He said he couldn’t bring himself to tell me that. Then he proceeded to tell me he has been talking to someone else. So I asked him the basic questions and I said if you wanted to be by yourself why would you bring someone else into your mess? He then said it was a lie and he has told this lie before to get women to leave him (very dysfunctional I know) I told him he disgusts me and I hope whatever is true was worth it. Because in my eyes I don’t feel like that’s how you behave he’s a grown man and to act like that is not what I really want in a man. I just want to know two things why wouldn’t he just leave me alone after I had asked if he is ok to be in a relationship? Because he said he was going through a lot with school and his family that I know to be true. The other question is do men really tell lies about cheating to get a girl to break up with them, or was he really telling me the truth?

Chris Seiter

October 28, 2018 at 4:39 am

Hi Sara!

Guys will lie. But everybody lies. But certainly, there is a lot of lying that exists around breakups. So if he is cheating….that is a lie to you as he is betraying your trust. If he is lying about cheating….that is not healthy either. Have you considered implementing NC? My website has a lot of resources that can help you with your ex recovery plan. Visit my home page to tap into some of them!

« Previous 1 2 3 4 Next »

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

123 thoughts on “How To Make Your Ex Miss You During No Contact”