Make Your Ex Miss You Without Having to Talk to Him At All

136 thoughts on “How to Make Your Ex Miss You Without Talking To Him”

Julie

April 22, 2018 at 7:44 pm

Hi Chris, I am on day 13 of NC rule. He hasn’t said anything yet. Do you think cut off all communication with someone can help a person to completely forget or get over his/her ex? Thanks!

Chris Seiter

April 22, 2018 at 10:23 pm

Hi Julie…certainly all things are possible in the world of relationships, but it is unlikely. Have you picked up my ebook yet? It serves as a Companion Guide and can help you navigate all the things you should be doing. It’s best to have a comprehensive blueprint to figure out things and adapt along the way as needed. How long have you guys been dating? I ask, because if you both have a good amount of history with each other, then gives the relationship some traction to recover.
Julie

April 22, 2018 at 11:09 pm

We’ve been dating for 2 years. His family and friends don’t like me. They are very much conservative and we happen to be interracial couples…So I guess the breakup received a lot of pressure from the outside too
Chris Seiter

April 23, 2018 at 12:20 am

Well, two years counts for something because people can put down some roots over that time which means they can find a way back to each other. But you need to develop your plan and seek to execute it!
Julie

April 23, 2018 at 2:50 am

With that much outside forces, I am just not sure if he would stand by me. He is the type of person that is really easily swayed by others around him…
What type of mentality should I have if I decide to fight against those outside forces and get him back?
Chris Seiter

April 23, 2018 at 5:08 am

Hey there….I guess we are going to find out if your boyfriend can think for himself. Just be calm and stick with your plan and don’t allow emotions and uncertainty twist you up inside, because its not worth it. You can’t control everything, just mainly your own actions and attitude.

J M

April 7, 2018 at 1:58 pm

I was with my ex for 4 years, 4 months. We met at 15 (me) + 16 (him). We knew each other for 5 years. Long distance for 2 years (NY and FL). Then I moved to Florida for college (4 hours away from him), but we made trips to see each other every 3-5 months. They would be for a week or long weekends. We were in love, he bought me a promise ring, we made plans to get married, have kids, etc. But we did have our rough patches and small arguements. I have a quick temper, and sometimes short patience. I got along great with his friends and family. Suddenly after I came back from a family vacation in Dec from TX, he was distant, he changed. As the new year came, he and I went to a festival with friends and kind of rekindled our love. However, afterwards he became even more distant, but still telling me he loves me. I did catch him dancing with another girl on social media during the time he was distant with me, and he was hanging out A LOT with his friends (so he says). He claims he didn’t know the girl at the time, and it was an innocent dance. I have caught him in the past sending suspicious flirty texts to other girls. Suddenly, he drove down 4 hours just to tell me in person that he can’t do it anymore. That things have changed, he’s been having tempations, he still loves and cares about me deeply, but is no longer in love with me, and didnt want to keep the relationship going in fear of hurting me. He cried a lot and I could tell he was heartbroken as he was breaking up with me. I was even more heartbroken, and crying a lot. We cuddled all night, and had sex the next morning (he initiated it). He said I will always be a special person in his life, and that he still wants to be friends. I stuck by him through the worst parts of his life, he had to retake certain programs in college TWICE, and I still supported him, and was there for him, encouraged him. For the past 2 months we talked as friends, but I would still bring up the break up sometimes because there were a lot of things that didn’t make sense, and he would never want to talk about it. I feel like there is something he hasn’t told me. There is something missing because it was so sudden, and before him becoming distant, I never got the impression he had lost feelings. He’s called me his blessing and future wife before all this happened. He even said he’s been feeling that way for months, even tho we had just seen each other September-January for long weekend trips. I never got the sensation he was feeling that way cuz he treated me like a queen. 1 week after our breakup he started going after the girl I saw him grinding up on social media. This girl lives in the same town as him, she’s 3 years older, finished school, and working. She looks a lot like me, and I wonder if my ex and I just lost our spark. 2 weeks after our break up, he ended up going out with her, and is still currently in a relationship with her. Its been 2 months since the break up, and 1 month he’s been with the new girl, and he posted the first picture of them together on social media on Easter Sunday. It tore me up, I blocked him on facebook and instagram without saying a word, but not snapchat, and am currently on Day 7 of the no contact period. I do have his family and friends on social media. He has a group of friends where he lives that either have a wife or girlfriend, so when he would hang out with them, he would be the only one without a partner because I lived 4 hours away. It seems like with time, it got to him. I think his friends manipulated him saying that long distance relationships dont work, even tho we always made the time to see each other, and we video chatted every day. He used the negative parts about our relationship as an excuse to break up and be with this new girl. He said he is taking things slow with this new girl, and he says he really cares about her. It made me mad and jealous when he said that, yet he still tells me he loves and cares about me a lot. All he does is go to school, work, and hang out with his new girl. Day 7 of the no contact period, I guess he realized I blocked him, and has yet to contact me through text, snapchat, kik, or email. I guess maybe he took it wrong ? But I am planning to keep the no contact period for about 1 month, and start to talk to him again, but I don’t know how I would initiate it, how I would make him miss me. I know long distances are difficult to rekindle, but we both still have plans to move to Tampa within the next year. His friends in Tampa became more of my friends in Tampa, I live in Central Florida, he lives by the panhandle. I don’t speak too much to the friends in his town, but he does hang out with his friends in Tampa, but I hang out with them more often. How would I make him miss me if we are 4 hours away, and he’s with someone he says he cares about a lot. It will always be hard for me to see him with someone else on social media, and I plan on keeping him blocked from IG and FCBK because I just cant see those pics.

Jennifer Seiter

April 7, 2018 at 7:43 pm

Can you unblock him but just unfollow him? That would be ideal because he should see you update often to keep you top of mind.
J M

April 9, 2018 at 3:06 am

Yea I can keep him unfriended. How would I go about talking to him after the no contact period? How would I start the conversation up? And how would I go about our friendship afterwards. I want him to realize he has lost a good woman, someone who was there for him through the good and the bad, someone who made him a better person.
Jennifer Seiter

April 10, 2018 at 6:57 pm

Are you able to text him or are you blocked from texting? That would be the best way to contact him. He will realize he lost a good woman when you show him your changes with actions. During your no contact you should be focusing on yourself and improving anything that you think you need to improve. https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/using-text-messages-to-get-your-ex-boyfriend-back/

Marie

April 5, 2018 at 8:25 pm

Me and my now ex-boyfriend dated for almost a year- our anniversary was going to be next saturday. He saw me on easter and acted like everything was ok, but on monday, he was avoiding me and talked to me here and there. I felt something was wrong and then later that night he broke up with me through text saying that it wasn’t going to work and that for 2 weeks he didn’t love me, but he wanted to be friends and continued talking to me but I was hurt and he kept saying that he didn’t want me to go quiet or disappear. On tuesday, he would talk to me and tell me that he missed me and wants to hang out in the future and see each other and that in the future there is a possibility we are getting back together and that he is “obviously not going to rule out wanting to be with me”. But that tuesday night, I told him that I was sad and angry and I need to have a couple of days to myself so I can get better. He texted me in the morning saying that he was going to miss me and wanted me to come back soon. I love him and I’m in love with him still and I have a strong feeling he could be to, but I’m confused by all this and still in shock by all this. I figured that he was seeing someone else or met someone new, but he told me no and that it was and is always going to be only me, and that’s what I’m so confused on. He broke up with me but he still makes it known that he misses me. What should I do?

Chris Seiter

April 6, 2018 at 12:09 am

I feel like you need to achieve the following things,

Scarcity, Urgnecy and Fear of Loss

Create those and he’s yours.
Marie

April 6, 2018 at 1:06 am

How would I go about it? I haven’t talked to him in two days, would that be a good start to this?
Chris Seiter

April 7, 2018 at 4:40 am

I’d start first with trying to find a way to prime. Basically build up anticipation.

Start with the fear of loss…. Potentially try a jealousy text. Go out with a friend, preferably a guy, take a picture of your food with a guys arm in the picture and post it. Create that perception first before you reach out.

Tammy

March 28, 2018 at 1:26 am

Dated for 4 months, we decided to be casual, i found out he slept with someone else while he had unprotected sex with me. I got mad at him and he thought i was threatening him when i got mad at him. We decided to be on a break and get lunch, but when i texted him a week later to confirm lunch plans, he said he needed more time. He then later said we should talk. He would have normal conversations with me and whenever I brought up when we should meet to talk he would push back the day. I asked him via text how I threatened him, he explained, I tried to understand and apologize, he got more mad and deleted me off of snapchat and he said he didn’t want to meet up to talk and that we should both move on. I wrote him a letter for my own closure, gave it to his doorman, and said that i just wanted him to be happy via text. I miss him and just want to resume our casual relationship with more respect and better communication in regards to protection – what do i do?

Chris Seiter

April 3, 2018 at 1:44 am

So, just so we are on the same wavelength.

You found out he cheated on you, correct?
Tammy

April 4, 2018 at 12:58 am

Also not sure if this makes a difference to the story, but the day before he broke things off via text, he was flirting with me, asking me about my day, and asking me for my opinion on a haircut (conversation was completely normal until I asked him how I threatened him and he got angry)
Tammy

April 4, 2018 at 12:56 am

Well to be clear, we had decided to be casual/non committal. For me, that meant dating other people, but sleeping together exclusively. For him, that meant dating and sleeping with other people, something which we didn’t go in depth about.
Chris Seiter

April 5, 2018 at 10:38 pm

I feel like the issue here is that you have given him permission to do what he wants when he wants with no repercussions. I guess my question for you is are you trying to get him back in a committed relationship or just trying to reset things back to the way they were before?
Tammy

April 3, 2018 at 2:15 am

I’m not sure what we would call it here since we mutually decided to be non exclusive/date casually. To me, that meant dating other people while we were exclusive sexually (I was talking to other guys as well). But to him, that meant dating and sleeping with other people. We should have been more clear with each other, but I still thought it was disrespectful. Bottom line – I just want to continue a casual relationship while opening myself to date other guys because I do enjoy hanging out with him.
Chris Seiter

April 4, 2018 at 12:57 am

So, it seems to me like you guys had a wavelength issue.

I feel like you might have opened pandoras box b/c I think once men get a taste of non exclusivity they kinda only want that.
Tammy

April 4, 2018 at 1:02 am

Sure, and to be quite honest, I am in a stage in my life where I’m not sure I’m ready for a relationship. But admittedly, I would like to continue hanging out with him – any tips? I have been doing my own thing (focusing on my studies, successfully doing interviews at top institutes, and posting attractive pictures of myself on social media) and haven’t spoken to him since then. I have, however, planned on reach out after a couple more weeks.
Chris Seiter

April 5, 2018 at 10:38 pm

I’d say really harp on the Zeigarnik Effect if you do get into conversation or hang out with him a lot. Leave him wanting more so he has a reason to continually come back.
Tammy

April 5, 2018 at 11:08 pm

So I should continue no contact, and start with a text in a couple weeks to see if I can get the ball rolling? Thought I’d either say guess what and show him a screenshot of a completed crossword we use to do together, or ask him what him and friends dressed up as for this big rugby tournament he’s going to in China. Preference? Thanks for taking the time to reply, by the way!
Jennifer Seiter

April 7, 2018 at 2:27 am

You definitely should continue NC!
Tammy

April 7, 2018 at 2:59 am

Okay, thank you. Last q- any preference as to which text to use when the time comes?
Jennifer Seiter

April 7, 2018 at 3:30 am

No problem, you can ask as many questions as you’d like. Make a list of his interests and then compose a text from that. Check out the post on texting. https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/using-text-messages-to-get-your-ex-boyfriend-back/

M. A.

March 15, 2018 at 8:56 pm

I read the GIGS article which was super helpful after your response!

To be honest I’m still not sure what she would be considered because he and I had been broken up since August but acting like a couple for 2 months after reconnecting in October and we said we loved each other and were sleeping together and he kept asking about our future. I was just too nervous and one day he got fed up (he thought I was toying with him) but we had been involved for 3 years at this point.

He decided (without telling me but he blocked me so I guess he showed me) that he was done after a stupid fight we had on New Years. he started talking to the girl who’s now his new GF in January so clearly he didn’t give himself time to actually process.

So that’s why I can’t tell which approach to take. He didn’t unblock me and officially tell me flat out he didn’t want to try anymore until a month ago (which is also a month into his talking to her) but I suppose I got the message before hand. But this conversation was super emotional we both cried. I could tell there was a lot of unresolved emotion there. It was only three weeks after he officially said he didn’t want to try with me anymore that he made this girl his girlfriend. I haven’t spoken to him in a month which is why I wasn’t sure if I should restart NC (because now I feel stupid contacting him only two weeks after he entered a new relationship, it feels like he’d think I’m only contacting him for that reason and I’d be chasing). I honestly feel like the new girlfriend is a mixture of Rebound and GIGS. Especially knowing his history: he doesn’t just jump into things and takes relationships super serious.

should I just wait it out? continue NC and see?

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 16, 2018 at 3:25 pm

You can extend to 45 days, after that try to rebuild rapport.

M

March 14, 2018 at 3:18 pm

Thank you Amor! Should I start nc over or just extend it?

And about the new girl being a rebound, you don’t think so? I thought so because he decided he didn’t want us in January (which apparently was when they started talking) and then beginning of feb 5 is when we had our emotional final ending and end of feb is when they became official. I just thought after 3 years of I love you and I want to marry you, here’s a ring you couldn’t establish a meaningful connection so quickly with someone, especially if you yourself are still holding on to emotion whether its anger or hurt and especially if its only a couple of weeks after he said he loved me and wanted to know our status.

but then again my emotions are all over the place so maybe I missed the signs?

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply by the way, you’re really helping me cope.

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 15, 2018 at 2:40 pm

If he started talking to her after the break up, she’s rebound but before it she’s a grass is greener. If you contacted him last week, yes, you need to restart nc.

M

March 14, 2018 at 1:27 am

Hi Amor! Thank you so much for responding! yes, we were not officially back together but acting like a couple (he wanted to be but I was just too scared). I was staying at his place though a lot and we even spent New Year’s together. Do I start no contact over? I technically started almost a month ago but found out last week that him and the new girl started dating 2 weeks into my NC. Do I start NC over from then? I just didn’t want him thinking i contacted him just because I found out about the new relationship.

btw is it awkward he still has one of my items in his house? Do I ask for it back?
Abigail

March 12, 2018 at 5:26 am

why isnt my post showing up?

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 14, 2018 at 5:31 pm

Hi Abigail,

If he has a habit of ghosting you, that means he’s the one who’s not vulnerable because he runs away from problems instead of dealing with them..is he the one that told you that you’re not vulnerable? If yes, it looks like he’s insecure amd somehow convinced you that being strong is the problem..but when the truth is, he’s the one who needs to work on dealing with problems.

Abigail

March 12, 2018 at 3:50 am

I was best, BEST friends with a guy I eventually began dating, and our relationship was great and though I loved him, can honestly say he was MADLY in love with me. It’s difficult in general for me to be vulnerable, so even as friends when he doesnt know how to handle things or drama, he tends to go AWOL to clear his head, and essentially practices his own NC rule though I theres no way he’s aware of it. Yet every time we would take a couple weeks and he would realize how much he missed me etc. After one of these ~3 week breaks we finally began “real dating” (not just hooking up as confused friends) and had a fantastic relationship of 8 months. Trips, spending every night together, etc and we were true partner in crimes and best friends. However, my inability to be vulnerable still continued though I truly thought I was. After a drunken fight one night he lost it and what I thought was to be a minor fight ended up becoming a full blown breakup (the day before valentines day). When we met up to discuss it became clear my inability to wear my heart on my sleeve was hurting as as I tend to be a confident, sarcastic, alpha female that wasn’t aware that I was hurting him by not being truly vulnerable all of this time. After two weeks of NC he sent me an email forwarding our valentines day tickets and as I took that as an attempt to contact me and test the waters, made the mistake of texting him. During those two weeks the NC rule really worked for me in turns of self awareness, as I was able to see his side. What I thought was innocent behavior made me realize hes right – I was inadvertently hurting him and needed to be more vulnerable in our relationship. I sent a casual text hello and said I would love to meet up as his words really made an impact on me and he realized a lot of mistakes I’d made, and received a cool reply essentially saying he wasn’t free for two weeks. A week later he ran into our mutual friend, and though she lives very, very out of the way insisted on walking her home and told her he still loved me, hes struggling, but needs time.

Now it’s been another week (so 4 weeks since breakup, 2 since we texted, and 1 since he saw my friend) and his birthday happens to be on the day NC ends (unless I was supposed to start over after the text mishap. I know I am not to reach out despite being his birthday and he KNOWS from my texts I want to talk, plus I dont want to have my ending of NC text get lost in the millions of birthday texts he will get. Also, as we were BEST friends, is it really the right thing to not just send a simply “happy birthday” text because thats mean or still the right thing to do? I’m typically that girlfriend or friend that throws you a birthday, does a million thoughtful things for you etc, so feel doing nothing might make him think I’m a bitch (and not in my character.) I have trouble with my words, but am very much an action oriented person.

But what do I do in general? Do I wait for him to reach out or do I send him a friendly text 1-2 days after his birthday and the NC rule is over? He is EXTREMELY stubborn and in the past I’ve had to reach out to initiate conversation (and then we make up) but this time feels more serious. Or do I wait for him to reach out to me?
M

March 11, 2018 at 5:38 am

Hi Amor, thank you so much for responding!!! I really appreciate it!

Yes, we had begun talking again and were having sex (though I was reluctant at first) but we were basically behaving like a couple that entire time even though we didn’t say we were. And he also made it clear to me that he only focuses on one person when he dates.

You don’t believe no contact will push him and his new girl together? And if so, how long do you think I should do NC for? Should I start again? I had started 2-3 weeks ago. I’m just afraid the rebound could become serious. I just feel that she must be a rebound if two months ago he was telling me he loved me and asking where our relationship was going and how emotional he was 1 month ago when he gave me my things. What do you think? Is there hope?

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 14, 2018 at 11:53 am

She’s not a rebound because they started talking while you and him were still seeing each other..keeping in contact after he ended it with you will just make you look like chasing..it’s either you move on or do nc..if you weren’t active in improving yourself and in posting, extend to 45 days.

M

March 10, 2018 at 6:25 pm

I’ve been very confused as to whether I should continue NC or try the “being there route”, PLEASE ADVISE!
My ex and I were involved for 3 years and were very serious about a future together. (to the point that I had a diamond promise ring that he wanted me to wear on my ring finger every day) Also, at 30 years old, he’s only had 3 relationships including myself (now 4) and also is only intimate if he’s in a relationship. I left him last September because we were fighting too much (I didn’t know it all stemmed from his insecurity about our relationship and his depression). We started talking again in October and immediately became involved. We were intimate, we said we loved each other, but I pushed him away by continuing to say let’s not be exclusive because I was afraid things would go back to the way they were. To be honest, I thought that if he thought I was on the market he’d work even harder. It only pushed him away.

When I finally told him I still loved him in December, he kept asking “so what now? what’s our next step” and I told him I was afraid in telling him I loved him everything would change. He took that as I still didn’t want to be exclusive, meanwhile in my mind (because I hadn’t been seeing anyone anyways) I meant it as we need to continue taking it slow but I also said I wouldn’t tell him I loved him if I didn’t see us being in a relationship again. I think that went through one ear and out the other because after that his wall went right back up. This is all December.

We spent New Year’s together but we had a really stupid fight. That was his last straw. He blocked me afterwards and didn’t speak to me for a month despite my pleading with him, asking him to just speak to me even if it was to end it. During this month, he still had my things in his apartment, and wouldn’t reach out even to just end it or say he didn’t love me anymore (When I finally confronted him about this, asking why he didn’t just end it or give me my things he just kept saying he didn’t know, he didn’t want to be pulled into the cycle again)

He met with me one month ago, finally ending it. Telling me there was a difference between loving someone and caring about them but wanting to remove yourself from the cycle. I told him I didn’t mean anything I had said, that I had always loved him. He said he had too. We both admitted we missed each other in the time we didn’t speak and that we would miss each other. He admitted that it was never a lack of love but very poor communication that led us to this. He said We both said things we didn’t mean out of fear. He cried and said it was a shame, said he’d unblock me and that we could be friends and “hangout one day”. We even had moments when it was like we were ourselves again. I asked if we could never make it work, and he said “I don’t know, not now”. He wished me well and gave me my things (although he still to this day has my shoes)
Two weeks later it was his birthday, I wished him well and that was it. He thanked me. (Since then, I tried implementing NC). On social media though, he thanked a girl for making his day special with a pic of a cupcake in an apartment I knew was not his but the wallet I bought him for his college graduation was in the background. Two weeks after that, it was “facebook official” via her page that they are in a relationship.(one week ago). There is a picture of them on instagram but they aren’t even touching. To be honest it looks awkward. Apparently they have been “talking/dating” since January. He also told my friend that he feels “like a whole new person”.

I don’t know what my next move should be. To move on, to hold out hope. I wonder if she is a rebound? But he takes relationships so seriously that it’s hard to believe. He’s always been very emotional and in tune with his feelings. But because he’s so emotional I can’t help but think that he didn’t give himself time to move on at all. All of this behavior is not like him. His girlfriend before me cheated on him after a four year relationship and he didn’t ask me out for five months and then didn’t get into a relationship with me until 9 months after his previous split. I don’t know what to believe anymore. And to be honest, I’m freaking out because I still love him. Please help.

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 10, 2018 at 6:55 pm

Hi M,

When you talked again last October and were intimate, did you mean you were not officially bask together but you had sex? Right now, continue on nc and being active posting. The being there method is done after nc while continue your new daily routine that you started in nc.

J

March 10, 2018 at 3:26 pm

Hi, my boyfriend broke up with me 2 weeks ago. He is 27 I am 25. We dated for 3.5 years. He broke up with me out of the blue, a week after we went to Mexico (my birthday was also during that time). He had booked a fancy restaurant for dinner and spent $500 on a couples massage for us. We even had future plans set up. He invited me over his place for dinner and sat me down saying we had to talk about our relationship. He said he wanted to break up and asked me how I felt. I said this was the first we’ve talked about this, I am willing to work on our relationship, but he said he didn’t want to. He couldn’t give me a reason for breaking up, he kept saying “I don’t know” and that we are different people from when we met and that neither of us should change. He even said that he may regret breaking up with me and want me back. I told him I respect his decision, he hugged me, and then I left. I wasn’t emotional, I didn’t cry. I have gone no contact since then. A week after the breakup he texted me saying “ Hey- I’m sure this past week has felt weird and I’m certain you have mixed emotions about it. I wanted to reach out to see how you are doing, I understand if you don’t want to chat either “. I just replied that I was doing well, and haven’t spoken to or heard from him since. His best friend told my friend that he is worried about him because I grounded him and he is worried that my ex is going to party too much. I was planning on continuing no contact for a couple more weeks. But after that, what should I do? Do you think it’s possible that he will want me back?

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 13, 2018 at 5:03 pm

Hi J,

what do you mean that you grounded your x? And you also have to restart nc because you replied to him.. How active are you in improving yourself and in posting?

Amy

March 2, 2018 at 9:28 am

Hi, my boyfriend and I broke up somewhat mutually about a month ago. The main reasons were he is extremely non-emotional and unexpressive, and I became insecure on a lot of his feelings towards me. It became a sort of cycle where his lack of expression would make me upset and insecure and in turn make him upset. Aside from those moments, we never fought much. I’m the first girl he’s ever said I love you to (and he’s had other girlfriends) and I’m literally the ONLY photo he has ever posted on his Instagram, even though he is on the app quite often (he also has not deleted that photo of us). The breakup ended really ambiguously, mostly with him saying he couldn’t put as much effort in the relationship right now and that he at least needed a step back, but somehow because we couldn’t come to resolve it it became an implied break up. A few days after he sent me a long message that made me more confused; parts of it said stuff like “I never went into that night with the intention of breaking up/Thinking about the future without you is scary/I still love you very much” but other parts said things like “I’m afraid I can’t be enough for you/for the time being I don’t think I can take care of myself and sometimes you as well”, although I did reply to this message, he didn’t reply again.
Since then, I haven’t contacted him personally, although he still has me on all social media and we didn’t block each other from anything.
He still watches my Snapchat stories and likes my newest Instagram posts, but of course has not reached out to me.
It has been about 3 weeks since I last contacted him but I really want to know if I have a chance at getting him back or how much longer to continue no contact.
My main fear is that he is not like other guys in that he is introverted, and that if he saw me moving on and being happy, even if he DID want to make things work, he wouldn’t want to hold me back if I look like I’ve moved on. I don’t know if that’s true, but I’m just scared of that. What to do??

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 5, 2018 at 5:27 pm

Hi Amy,

Check this one:
Introverted Ex Boyfriends Vs. Extroverted Ex Boyfriends (How To Approach Them)

Rebecca

March 1, 2018 at 6:01 pm

So me and my boyfriend..We broke up for good in November right after thanskgiving. even though when it happened in September it was apparently just a break to “step back”. I didn’t know that but he officially ended it the week I got back from Texas. We had a huge fight the day before I left to go to Texas. Well we’ve been broken up. And I’ve been devastated. Heartbroken. Then about a month ago he said he wants to just be friends. We had dinner once or twice and drinks and chilled. We went to publix and he drove around following me actin silly like “hey girl. What’s your name”. It was nice to just hang out. He kissed me. Well then we had lunch once or twice too.
We had Christmas at his house when Christmas came around and it was nice.
And then the end of the year was coming up. Well then I basically decided that I needed to start 2018 with a clear head and I had been writing this long letter and I read him what I wrote around 6pm on New Year’s Eve: So I know that things are different between us. And yes, I know why. I was wrong for so many things. And unfortunately I cannot undo the things I said and did. I would like another chance to give you the love you deserve.

With that said, I want you to know that I want to go back to sharing the highs (and lows) of each other’s day. And the nights we spent together after long days–we shared our highs in each other’s arms, too, remember? Sleep came easy for me back then.

Since you left, though, my nights are restless but uneventful. I find myself turning sideways in bed, throwing an arm over as I try to cuddle up to someone who’s no longer there. I don’t get to comfort you when you get home from a long,restless day at work.

What all of this means, of course, is that I still love you. I took for granted what I had. I want us to share our dreams with each other, and share kisses when we have a rough day and I want to be able to be the one who makes things better for you. I definitely know that I need to listen more and choose my battles. All the things I got upset about were never worth it. Definitely not worth losing you just to be “right”.

True love is not easily destroyed, I’ve found, even when the once-happy lovers separate in anger. It was anger, wasn’t it?

We had our problems but most problems can be solved when those involved have had enough time to cool off and think about it. I don’t know about you, but it certainly doesn’t seem worth throwing away all the good things we’ve shared together.

2017 wasn’t all bad but we definitely had our problems. But I remember the wonderful times that we shared, too. It’s more than just reminiscing about happy memories in the past; it’s a yearning to create more of them in the future. I think it’s no secret that I want to be able to call you mine again.

And I guess you could say I’m asking if we can start fresh. Our old relationship is dead. I don’t want it back to be honest. I want to start over and have a chance of building something even better. I don’t want anyone else but you. (I hope you feel the same). And I respect you still need space. With that said, as we prepare to enter 2018, im simply asking for another first date and hopefully several more after that because I don’t want to lose the best man to have ever walked into my life.
Are you opposed to starting fresh? New year, new us? I know that sounds cliche but like I’ve said before. I want us to be that power couple that beats all the obstacles that come our way. We beat all the odds It definitely hasn’t been easy but I believe it’s worth it. You’re worth it.

———-
So basically he said he isn’t opposed to a first date but he doesn’t want me to misunderstand we’re in the direction of being friends.

Well then he showed up at my house at 11:30pm New Year’s Eve. I was home alone. He was all like see we’re bringing in the new year together. We drove to the gas station to get some snacks. We did the countdown to the radio and he tried to kiss me. I turned my head and he grabbed my face and kissed me on the lips.
We went back to my place. He cried and told me he’s in love with me and I was supposed to be the last after everything we have been through. That I was the first since his daughters mom. And I cried. I apologized. He stayed over. He kissed me and held me. Then he went home the next morning. Well, I kind of got distant bc he wants space & time. Well basically he reached out to me. He would text me “hey…goodnight buddy” and then one Thursday he called me and wanted to know if I had plans that weekend. He wanted to see if i wanted to go see the new insidious movie with him. I told him I had plans. He asked about Saturday or Sunday. I said sure. Then we talked and he said we just need time and he would always take me back. But we need time to ourselves. Well then I basically told him I understand and I asked him this through text: Okay so you want space/time clearly. But what for? If we can’t work through things together now, will we be able to later? He said in time we mature.I said: i respect that and i hope we find our way back to each other in time. but gonna keep building upwards. i hope to meet you on the way up and we finish building to the top together. And he replied with yea…we would have been a good power couple. (That doesn’t imply we will be…in the future ) and then I got frustrated and texted: you say you’d always take me back too. You want us to mature over time. but then you said we would of been a good power couple. I reply with we still could be and you dismiss what I say. i can’t make it any clearer what i want and I obviously want to fix things and be in your life.. you know where to find me when you realize you’re throwing away something real and it’s not everyday you find/experience a love as real as ours. He replied with okay Becca can you plz stop now. Well then I basically apologized for hurting him and not appreciating what I had when I had it. I said I hope he would one day forgive me. He replied that’s he’s already forgiven me. Then he said thanks for all I’ve done for him and Mya (his daughter). And I got super emotional and blew up his phone and I know it pushed him away more and he said goodnight and i didn’t really talk to him. In my gut, I just feel like I shouldn’t give up. But he clearly wants space and time but I’m scared I’ll never get him back. All because I didn’t appreciate what I had. And what we had was so real. And I don’t want to lose him but idk how to get him back and im just so devastated and I feel like I should just not contact him for awhile bc how can he miss me and realize what he’s missing out on if im around. I just want him back. Like I’ve been praying for him like I always do. He just seems confused..idk I’m just heartbroken girl. Idk if I lost him for good and i just feel so sad.. I just wanna give him his space but I also want him back.
So then he texted me last Tuesday ” so idk if u want to wait @ ur house but if u got other plans then i just go home”. He waited an hour for me to get home just to see me. He hugged me and was like “give me a real hug”. I asked if he wanted to come inside bc I thought it would be rude if I didn’t since he waited for an hour. So we went inside and im wearing a jacket vest and he unzipped it to hug me again and had his arms around my waist. He said he missed me. He came in and hugged me like I said. we asked how each other have been. I asked about his daughter. School came up. He asked if I went and saw that movie insidious and I said no. You wanted to go see it but we both been busy. He was like maybe we can go see it tomorrow. Then I asked if he was ready for his birthday. I asked what was he doing. He said he was probably getting his daughter. I was like so that means you aren’t doing anything? No birthday lunch? (We always would treat the other person to lunch or dinner for their birthday). He said he’d let me know And THEN we got on the topic of us.. he asked but didn’t want me to answer why did things happen the way they did before I went to texas (we had a huge fight which I think I told you). he said he’s thinking positive. In time. Maybe. I said that’s a big maybe. So I got a little emotional and told him what I’ve told him before. That I can’t right my wrongs. I wish I could. I said I feel like you’re letting all the bad stuff and he cut me off and said I’m letting it cloud my judgement about getting back together? I said well..I just think you’re forgetting we had something real. And I was like I can’t do anything at this point. You’re happy in your own. He was like “don’t say that”. So then I basically told him he’s the only one keeping us from being together. He said if we take each other back I better be his wife and I laughed. He was like I’m not laughing. He said and you better have my babies. I told him he has to take me back bc he walked away and he knows I’d always take him back. I told him again he’s the only person keeping us from not being together that my cards are all on the table. I said but I’m done trying to ask to have you back and keep getting shut down. I’m not trying to sound desperate. He said you don’t sound desperate. It’s your love. And that was pretty much it and he left and said to have a good week.
Well then I texted him this past Saturday asking if we could talk and he said he thinks we need to. So on Sunday we talked and he said he doesn’t feel that spark. That I don’t kiss him the way I used to. How am I supposed to have ever kissed him the way I used to when I kept having to remind myself we’re just friends. He asked if I hate him and I said no. I just want him to be happy. And he asked if I was still gonna go to the basketball game with him and I said yes but now I’m contemplating if i should kiss him the way I’ve wanted to this whole time and see if that changes anything. I just feel so then he texted me yesterday evening and said ” after yesterday i just want you to know. I don’t want you to be removed from my life that’s not my intentions”. I haven’t replied or talked to him. Idk what to do… in my gut and heart I just know he’s who I’m supposed to be with but it’s like what else can I do. And I’ve had a few people say that he’s gonna come back but idk that for sure and it hurts bc it’s never been just me and him. I’ve known his daughter since she was 2. She’s almost 7

Well I took him to a hawks game feb 9th and it was really nice. He interlocked his arm in mine. Hugged me in the parking lot. We had dinner and he said that we could both do something about the situation we’re in. But we don’t have to label it and we can take our time as friends and see where it goes. We ended up kissing after dinner. He was like that’s how you’re supposed to kiss me. We made out like 3 times. When he got to his grandmas house where we met we made out in the rain. But I told someone and they apparently told him and he told me we needed to talk. He wants things between us private.. and he had to pull away bc i was kissing and telling. So then he said we are taking small steps. Well then my birthday was last Sunday. I just moved to a new place and he came over and saw it. He was subtle but gentle with touching my hand and leg and arm. We went to get food and he was like “babe turn left here” and we were laughing and it was like old times .
So apparently my friend told me that she talked to him and asked him how we were and he said something along the lines of we’re good and we were together for a long time. It was a rollercoaster but he doesn’t want to put labels on it right now..

So I called my ex this am. And I basically was like we’re still taking small steps and seeing what happens right. He was like I guess…idk. I thought we already talked about this. He had to go bc he had to clock in at 4. I texted him “never mind Vonte”. He replied y? What u He doesn’t know if he can meet to talk face to face. He doesn’t know about the movie anymore cause he doesn’t know what he’s doing later from me. I replied with I understand you had to clock in. It’s okay. He replied with you sure ? I replied to his “u sure” with “ I didn’t call to rehave that conversation about us about taking small steps and seeing where it goes btw” I asked if we are friends giving it time to see if we can actually have something better the second time around or just until someone better comes along?

He said it could be both…whatever happens in time. I replied with “okay. “ He said: what making you think of all this. I replied with: bc march 5th is coming up and that was one of the best days of my life… and it’s been almost 3 months since we broke up. You don’t see that i think the world of you…
he said: Oh…Becca I get u …I want you happy. I replied with: You don’t get it.. i think the world of you. You and Mya made me happier than I’ve ever been in my entire life.. I didn’t know it was physically possible to feel so much love for two people. You both made my life 1,000,000 times better than before. I never wanted to imagine spending my life without you by My side..

I don’t know what to do…
He texts me good morning most mornings. He asks how I am. He was texting me two days ago in the am. And asked if I was off. Then he called me and asked how I was and if I worked. We chatted for about 10 minutes. He asked if I still needed help moving my stuff to my new place and I told him no I’d pretty much already got everything moved in. But he asked me the same question the day before too if I had everything moved in and I said yes so I thought that was weird. He asked if I had all my stuff set up in my room. He told me he hopes I have a great day.

He then texted me about 5 minutes later “it was nice to hear you”.

And he texted me some yesterday and today.

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 5, 2018 at 1:17 pm

Hi Rebecca,

Stop chasing him.. It’s not helping you. Tell him being friends is not working for you, thank him for everything and then start at least 30 days nc.. Dont tell him that you’re doing nc..

K

February 22, 2018 at 2:04 am

Is there any hope for getting a long distance ex boyfriend back if you only dated for a short period of time? We initially met in person in my hometown, and then had been talking regularly via text/snapchat for about two months. I visited him (he lives about five hours away), and we stayed together for three days, everything was great! He then came to visit me for a weekend a few weeks later, again, everything went well. This visit was the last one before he started his new job. We stayed in communication via skype/texting/snapchat after that visit, and when I asked him “what we were”, he said he wasn’t seeing anyone else, he was committed to me, and that he saw this potentially turning into something long-term. I stopped seeing other people at this point, as I told him I only wanted to see him as well (and long-distance isn’t something I usually do, I just really liked this guy). A few weeks later, I went to his place and stayed with him and his family for eight days, everything seemingly went well. I met his friends, his family seemed to like me a lot, he seemed to like me a lot, etc. We made things “boyfriend-girlfriend official” during this visit. We continued to skype throughout the weeks, and would text and snapchat throughout the day, although I did feel like communication was less frequent (because he was busy with work), and asked for a bit more when possible without being unreasonable. I am in graduate school and have 18 months left, but we were going to make it a point to see each other at least once a month if possible. Anyway, it seems like he got pretty overwhelmed with work and being uncertain of the future, so he ended it. He said he didn’t like me enough to do long distance, which really sucked, because I was putting in a lot of effort. I wonder if making it “official” scared him off, because we were really good together, and I had no idea he wasn’t as interested as I was. I wrote him a short letter about being disappointed that we wouldn’t get closure since we were long distance and about how I really liked him, then he apologized and I offered to stay “friends”. I haven’t contacted him since that day. He watches all of my social media stories and has snapchatted me, but I have not replied. I want to maintain no contact, but I am worried about losing him since the basis of our long-distance relationship isn’t as long as some of the other long-distance relationships I have read about. Can you offer any advice? I feel like I can’t implement some of these things since he is far away and I don’t really have a reason to go to his town in the future after no contact is over.

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 26, 2018 at 11:54 am

Hi K,

It is a small chance because even if you don’t do nc, staying in contact would look like you’re chasing him because he clearly said he doesn’t like you enough.. That’s like being ok with somebody after they hurt you..

Amanda

February 8, 2018 at 12:07 am

My boyfriend and I broke up a week ago. I initially broke up with him, and then talked to him a few days later and he agreed with me. I didn’t really want to break up, just needed to give him a reality check. I freaked out and called him twice that night, but he stood his ground. We still love each other clearly, and he’s sad. But he thinks we shouldn’t be together right now. I definitely lost my identity in our relationship and am working on restoring myself. We are apart of the same friend group, and I have cried to just about every friend saying how much I miss him and just want it to work out. Is it too late to start sending a different message? I haven’t talked to him in over a week, but saw him briefly on accident, and he looked really sad. I want to start sending a different message to our friends because I’m worried they are relaying everything I’m saying to them.

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 9, 2018 at 11:56 am

Hi Amanda,

Try the nc rule instead and if you are going to do it, stop telling friends you want him back. Use them to convey that you have accepted the situation now and is moving on.

Jenna

February 7, 2018 at 4:56 am

Hey guys!
I had to move to a new state for graduate school this past August (it was the only school I got into, so I didn’t have a choice & I was really upset about having to move so far away from my family & friends) & met my now-ex boyfriend right off the bat. He was a senior graduating in December & he basically showed me everything the town had to offer/was my only good friend for awhile (I have more now & I joined a club on campus so I promise I’m not wallowing alone in my room anymore) I felt much better about being in a new place because of him, & felt like I was sent there for a reason. I knew he was still kind of hung up on this girl who cheated on him 7 months prior to meeting me. They had dated for almost 3 years & sort of lived together since neither had lived on campus; it was obvious that she had really broken his heart, but when I asked if I was a rebound (which I did ask twice because I’m paranoid) he said he would never go back to her after what she did & that he’d hooked up with other girls in between so those random hook ups were the rebounds, not me. He asked me to be his girlfriend about one month in & then seemed to be really excited for me to meet his family. And I met his ENTIRE family (both sets of grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, freakin neighbors). He was always down to meet up in public, bought me stuff, he fixed my taillights, car radiator, & my broken car keys. He also made a lot of long term plans with me like spending a weekend together over summer vacation & talked about how I would have to visit him every weekend once he graduated & moved out of town. One day, 2 months into the relationship, we went to a pumpkin patch where one of his ex girlfriends friends saw us together. His ex contacted him via another friends phone number (her own number was blocked) & told him how much she still loved & missed him. He didn’t try to hide the texts from me & read all that she had sent. He seemed to really revel in the fact that she was clearly jealous, & I took pride in it, thinking that he was happy & proud of being with me instead of her. Afterwards, things got weird & kind of tense. She started showing up everywhere when we were out together, & when he saw her, he got snappy with me for little stupid things (one thing that bothered him was my driving & me not knowing the towns roads like um…obviously not I just moved there) & he started getting quieter & quieter. One night he got a job offer in another town about 40 minutes away, & on the same night he crashed his motorcycle that he had worked really hard to fix up over the summer. That weekend was crazy for me (being a grad student & all) so I didn’t get to talk or see him much. On that Sunday he invited me to his grandparents dinner to discuss if he should take the job or not. It was not as much money as he was hoping to make, but one of his cousins worked there & encouraged him to take it. I did too, since it was only 40 min away from campus & it was even on the way home for me. I thought it was the universe really falling into place. It was obvious, however, that he wasn’t thrilled about “settling” for this job. I told him that he didn’t have to take it, he could hold out for more, or he could take it just for now & move on to better things later, but his family ended up convincing him. He seemed in a worse mood after that, saying that he wasn’t making future career decisions based on me. I tried to make it clear that I understood, & that I wasn’t going to hold on to him if an amazing opportunity opened up where I couldn’t follow. However, the job he took was in a place that I could easily follow. That next week, I had 2 huge tests & couldn’t come to his place to hang out, even though he was texting about how much he missed me & wished I could be there. I finally came over for an hour on Wednesday & since his back still hurt from the motorcycle crash, I brought him hot chocolate. Everything seemed normal & we even started making out, when he abruptly stopped & started staring at the TV. I asked him what was wrong & he said he was wondering if we should be together. Now this week had been HELL for me: I was in a huge fight with my friends from home, my 16 year old cat was sick, I felt like I didn’t have any friends in my new program & I was super lonely, etc etc etc. I had told him all of this on top of my midterms that I was taking THE DAY AFTER. So understandably, I’m upset when he says this & when I calmly ask him what he meant he shrugged & said “I don’t know.” After trying some more to get him to elaborate, with him continuing to twiddle his thumbs, I calmly (I reiterate “calmly” because I didn’t yell, scream, cuss at him, or cry) left his apartment & said I had to go study. Later that same night, I called & told him I was sorry for leaving & asked if he wanted to talk the next day. He said that he did not want to break up, but that I had just shown him a “side he didn’t know about or like”. Now, again, I was the chilliest girl in the world when I left his apartment & I had literally nothing to apologize for. He agreed to meet up again after my tests. So the next night, I go back to his apartment where he’s in a shittier mood than the night before. And this sucks, because I didn’t want to cry in front of him, but I cried after asking him point blank if he wanted to break up with me & he AGAIN said “I don’t know”. But it wasn’t hysterical crying in any way & all I did after that was try to get to the root of the issue, because I literally DID NOT see this coming. For 4 hours (during which he told me he wasn’t over his ex who had cheated on him & that he had had a better connection with her than me – I responded that we hadn’t been dating for NEARLY as long & that it was dumb to compare a 3 month relationship to a 3 year one) he was wishy washy with me until he finally asked me to leave so he could think about what he wanted to do. I calmly left & then texted him later saying goodnight & that I hoped he felt better. The next morning, he texted to say he wanted to break up AFTER HE HAD SO MANY OPPORTUNITIES TO SAY IT TO MY FACE. Anyway, for 3 weeks we kind of back & forth texted & fought with each other. A few days after the break up I told him how much I missed him & didn’t understand what happened. I never begged for him back, all I asked him for was closure. He was very emotionally disconnected which broke my heart & made me extremely frustrated. I was in a very bad place & for 2 months would text him whenever I got drunk to tell him what a dick he was to me, none of which he ever responded to. Eventually I found myself in a better place over winter break & texted him saying sorry for all that I said & that I forgave him too & hoped he loved his new job. Again, never texted back & blocked me on Snapchat (nowhere else though which is odd). Now, I haven’t texted him for a little over a month & this guy has little to no social media presence, I never friended any of his relatives on Facebook, & I only met like 4 of his friends who are all graduated now. I stalked the ex who cheated on him & I see they never got back together. Like I mentioned before I’ve made new friends & have gone out & flirted with other men since this. I’ve focused on my studies, getting closer to God, & ya girl even got a boob job, but I can’t stop thinking about him, I really thought he was the one. Literallllly guys, what do I do???

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 8, 2018 at 6:13 pm

Hi Jenna,

That’s good that you did a lot of those, and physically improving yourself but what about activities that help you grow in terms of skills and relationship with other people? And if even you’re blocked in Snapchat, did you do the kind of posts that just stays in your account publicly like in FB or Instagram?

Casey

February 2, 2018 at 7:58 pm

Hi Amor:
We were not living together, but I live down the street. I realized I don’t want to do medical school anymore because I have been trying for so long and just never do it. I contacted my ex the other day and he said he appreciated me reaching out but said he doesnt think he is in a place to talk to me with a clear head right now and said he just doesn’t think he can go down that road again…he wished me well and said to give my dog a big hug for him. Do you think it’s completely over and I should move on or he just needs space?

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 7, 2018 at 12:39 pm

it would be better to assume that he has moved on or starting to.. You can still do nc process even if that’s the case.

Juliet

February 2, 2018 at 12:29 am

Hi Rachel! Nu ex boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years! We had a relationship full of ups and downs but we really love each other. He broke up with me 1 month ago for 2 reasons.. first he said he needed to star thinking about his future and need to start making money (we had a long distance relationship for 10 months and we saw each other every month) and 2nd because he’s Jewish and I’m not, my last name is Arabic. He said that he loved me and that he is not happy with his decision but that the future between us is unclear because of the religion issue, I told him and can convert into a Jew but he said that is not possible because I’m an Arabic. I don’t know what triggered him to make that decision, but I’m willing to get him back. He hasn’t texted me and I know he hasn’t gotten over me yet because he told me, and that talking to me with be worst for the both of us. What can I do?

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 7, 2018 at 12:03 pm

Hi Juliet,

how many times have you broken up and how many times have you done nc?

Richa

February 1, 2018 at 3:15 am

Hi

So to cut the long story short we broke up on a very bad note. And I was a crazy girlfriend who constantly bugged him called him and sent him unpleasant texts. He has blocked and I know he means it when he says he will never be with me. I have realized my mistake too late but I can assure you I have changed myself. It’s been almost a month since I last contacted him. I am happy in my friend circle but sometimes I spiral downwards. I know for a fact that I will not contact him ever again as I don’t want to trouble him anymore. Do I still have a chance to get him back ? The only positive I can take from all of this is that my next relationship whenever it would be will be different. And yes the changes that I have made in myself can be seen by my close friends and they are proud of me. M sacred. Please help

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 7, 2018 at 11:32 am

HI Richa,

I’m confused. If you’re not going to contact him again, are you expecting him to initiate contact? If yes, there’s still a chance if he sees you have moved on and improved.

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