How To Prevent A Breakup With Your Boyfriend When You Know It's Coming

399 thoughts on “How To Prevent A Breakup With Your Boyfriend When You Know It’s Coming”

Destiny Sandoval

December 17, 2015 at 2:08 am

I was very intrigued by your writing I learned a lot and I thank you for your words of wisdom. When I was reading everything you had wrote I thought to myself maybe instead of trying to fix things and control everything maybe I need to just focus on me. I am only 18 and I know I’m very young I know I probably don’t know the true meaning of love I guess I just can’t help myself from feeling a certain way. All my friends tell me I should just not care but it’s hard to push those feelings aside I just want someone to show me they care and love me for me not just what they see on the out side. My parents don’t really communicate with me and I guess that all ties into making me look for love in the wrong direction. It’s not only that it’s mass media too movies, television shows, the internet, and newspapers they all show us what love should look like or feel like and it makes us women want that kind of love. I have been through a lot in my life I’ve had my fair share of heartaches and they all lead me to believe maybe something is wrong with me, but when I was reading what you wrote I realized it’s not me maybe it just wasn’t meant to be. Your writing inspired me to go foward with my life and try to accomplish my goals and if he ends it he won’t break me I’m going to strive for my dreams and hopefully fulfill them with all my heart and soul. This is not the ending of the book it’s just a closing of a chapter. I just want to thank you so much for helping me realize the truth I wish I had you as a friend to help guid me through this challenge, but I’m thankful for your words of wisdom it’s going to help me over come this. I wish you the best of luck in life thank you so much. 🙂
J

December 3, 2015 at 3:19 am

Hi there, I see this page hasn’t had any replies lately but I’m coming across it after, yes, desperately searching Google for an answer. This page has a lot of great advice so thank you but I still don’t know what to do with my situation.
In two days in will be me and my boyfriends 3rd year anniversary. We me in highschool and I am currently attending my first year of college. We moved in together in September because I had to move to the city away from family and we thought it would help financially by splitting rent. He’s working full time in retail and is having a hard time deciding what he wants to go to study for in college. So anyway, a few weeks ago I asked him if he was okay because he seemed a little quiet and not himself and he told me he is confused with what he see’s in his future. He’s unsure if he wants to be with me or not. He met this girl at work (and by the way we work at the same place so I work with her too) and he has been hanging out with her alone just going to sit and chat. So that’s a little concerning. He’s turning into the party type unlike his old stay at home kind of guy. And he’s been paying so much attention to his friends and not much to me. One thing I realized is that I do too much for him and I’m working on stepping back because he’s going to start taking advantage of me if he hasn’t already.
So because we have been together for so long I really don’t beleive this could be the end but I’m sure if I’m happy. I feel hurt that he makes his friends more important than me (posting pictures ofhim and his friends on Facebook and calling them like family). Maybe I’m seeing things wrong but hanging out with this girl he just met while I’m at home waiting for him, it feels like I’m his mother doing everything for him while he’s out. Or even like a wife who is worried her husband is cheating on her when he texts me after work and says “oh yeah I’m hanging out with her tonight, be home later”. He says that they are just friends and she is a good person to talk to. I’m thinking, I’m his girlfriend. I’m supposed to be the one he likes to talk to. And I used to be. I haven’t changed other than being in college but he has hanged drastically and I really want this to work. My best friend is going to college miles away and he is like my bestfriend. My lover. The person I talk to about everything. Do you have any advice?
Michal

December 2, 2015 at 2:38 pm

Hi Chris,
my boyfriend and I have been together for 11 months now, we’re both 20 and we met last year on the university, being in the same study field and had all our courses together. we started living together about a month and half ago (the begining of the school year) in the dorms (we share a room) i’m his first girlfriend and he’s my second. a week ago we had a fight because I got upset over a little thing he told me and I made a big deal out of it which led to a conversation which I really regret not just apologizing to him in it. after that talk which got me more angry i sent some really nasty texts and I drove home. after i relaxed and thought about it i texted him saying sorry and that i understand him etc. and he texted back that he needs to think about it and we’ll talk on saturday, when i’ll return, except from this we almost didn’t text each other all weekend. when i returned, i apologized whole heartdley and (as ususal) cried (i’m a very emotional person). he said he forgives me and after that we didn’t talk all evening and didn’t cuddle or anything when we went to sleep (and i understand him, he was really hurt). the next day passed without us talking, just some “hi”s when we saw each other. the day after that (monday) i started crying in bed out of frustration because whenever we would fight and then apologized and everything would be okay after a maximum of a day without talking. he came to me and asked me what was wrong, and i told him how i felt and that i know he’s hurt but it feels like wer’e not together anymore, and told him that i need to know what’s happening with us, does he want to break up/ have a break or work things out? he asked me what do we do on a break and i told him we just kind of ignore each other and that i can go sleep somewhere else in the meantime. after 10 minuets of thinking he said he needed some time to think. the next day (last night) he told me he decided he wants a break because he needs to think about our relationship without the disturbance of school and work and that it would take some weeks (less than a month, he promised!) i asked him what does he think about our relationship and he said that since we moved in together we are together a lot and he hasn’t been in contact or went out (he said it’s not because of me) with any of his friends and now i’m like everything and the boundaries between what he expects from his girlfriend and his friend had been mixed. he also said we fight a lot about little things (i don’t think fighting over the way we talk/treat each other is little) also’ he said he feels guilty when he comes back to our room in the end of the day because he feels he doesn’t give me the attention and love he should. in the end, he told me it would very much help him if i slept somewhere else but made me swore if that doesn’t work out that i still sleep in our room and have a free access to the room even if i go. “i don’t want you to do anything drastic, i don’t want to wake up and find out all your stuff are gone”. he also said he loves me no less than before and that he would still love me even if we break up.
it’s so hard for me, and iv’e been crying for days now, but i’m not willing to give him up and i would suffer as much as needed for him to want me back.
what do i do? how does a break work? what can i do to prevent this from being a break up?
thanks a lot, Michal
Nelly P

November 30, 2015 at 8:22 am

Hello Chris,
Me and my boyfriend known each other for 5 years and we been going out for 2 years now. Im 19 and hes 27. And hes been having some money issues right now he helps his parents pay for the house and phones mostly everything. His brother isnt paying him enough. Hes a trucker. So just yesterday i told him we should go to a edm music event for new years eve because his friend wanted to go also, but i said tickets are kinda expensive and ask him what do you think?? So this morning i received 5 messages from him saying this .. “yeah no we have to break up lol i had a dream about you doing something i know you would doin real life. Plus you reposted a sexy picture on instagram and youwont lie about me not driving at the lake but you will lie to defend yourself and say you didnt touch me. Thanks but no thanks. (Something happen at the lake that time he got a dui and was drunk and push and i really defend him so much that day .. if i didnt lie he would be in jail.. anyways…) were i left off.. ” and you want to buy expensive ass tickets. Spend money. YOU KNOW wat im sayiiin. Idk why you think your happy in this relationship but im more sad and cant trust you because all the things i just mentioned bout wat u think is ok todo, how u like going out and feeling sexy. Im not looking for a girl friend that wants to feel sexy” … so thats all he said and i told him what i thought about it and talk to him. I would try to call him several times but he will ignore my call and texts messages. But then he saw i message a guy on instagram i have no idea how he had my password.. but that guy i meesage was a personal trainer.. all i told him was “”heyy:) how much is it to train with you” and my boyfriend told me “and u want to work out with guys -_- thats koo” i told him my part i kept telling things that i wouldnt cheat on him and i love him.. you know?? Ane he send me sad faces.. and a youtube link to watch.. i kept calling him no answer. Then he said ” im not going to answer stop calling sweetie” that moment i was sad but i had no tears, i stay strong and i reply ‘ okay bye, call me when you can’ then 5 hours later i send him a screen shot of my exam i got an A+.. and that was all!! So chris , please tell me is he breaking up with me? Or did already did? I have no idea.. and what should i do or we do? Please and thank you!:)
Anne

November 16, 2015 at 4:59 am

Hey Chris,
Just recently my boyfriend of a year and a half wanted to have ‘a talk’ that he has been thinking about for a few weeks. When I showed up, he told me that I am a pretty selfish person and we talked through what I need to improve.
I am definitely going to work on it to my full potential because I do not want the relationship to end. However, I feel like I am being too conscious of myself and am always worried that I am not going to act like myself around him, in fear of him breaking up with me. That and the possibility of me believing that everything is okay again over time and he breaks up with me.

I am not seeing him for a week due to his busy schedule and was wondering if I should wait for him to make the first step contacting me, or if I should still send him good mornings/how are you’s as per usual?

Anne

Anne

November 17, 2015 at 1:16 pm

Update: There has been no exchanges of ‘I love you’s’ since the discussion and on that day as well, his response was different as per usual. Is this simply a sign that he will not say it back whole-heartedly until everything is sorted? Or does that mean that he’s already done with the relationship and this is making it easier for him to break up with me in the long run? Should I try and say it to him or will that make matters worse? I am also scared of his response if I try to say it again.

Maria

November 12, 2015 at 2:00 pm

I’ve been in love with a guy for 11 month’s. He has been flirting with girl’s, I’ve warned him not to & he promised me not to flirt and also asked me believe him. We are frequently having fights for no reason. He comments about my dress & says “if you don’t dress up properly next time, I’m going to break up with you”. Then he asked me change my whatsapp DP, which i said i can’t. Again for that he says break up, and has blocked me on everything. How am I to handle this?
Anon

November 2, 2015 at 1:28 pm

Hi Chris,
Me and my boyfriend have been going out for 5 months now, I should also mention that we are both only 18. We started going out at the start of summer and everything was perfect for the summer. Then we both had to move away for college, we are about a two hour journey away so only see each other every couple of weeks. Lately things have felt really distant so as I had a week off college I went and stayed with him for the week in hope of trying to fix it. Things were getting better when we were together but then we had a pregnancy scare and I know it really freaked him out but he wouldn’t talk to me about it. He was lying to me about not having the money to go home over the weekend but I didn’t tell him I knew he was lying as I didn’t want to start an argument, however when I found out I wasn’t pregnant I text him to tell him (tried ringing first but his phone was off). He then told me he was at home, that a friend gave him a loan of some money. At this point I was already annoyed that he hadn’t talked to me much or even asked how I’d been about the whole pregnancy scare since I’d left his place a few days previous. This started a huge fight (over text message I should add) about how he’s sick of always putting up with my problems when he has his own to deal with, as I suffer from depression & anxiety. He then told me he needed some space but we clarified we weren’t broken up and said we would talk in person soon. I know he’s going to break up with me the next time we see each other and I would do anything not to loose him. He’d always been the perfect boyfriend before that and never said anything mean to me before. I know if I loose him il regret everything I did wrong so much, I’ve given him all the space he needs the last couple of days just waiting for him to contact me about when we can meet up to talk. Please help I don’t know what to do
Liz

October 28, 2015 at 3:02 am

Hi Chris, my fiancé and I have been together for a year. He’s a few years older than I am (25 and 33). He has a 5 year old son and we don’t get along as fantastically as I think maybe he had hoped we would. I try very hard to have patience but he’s such a difficult child. I’ve expressed my issues with his son as calmly as possible but he only tells me that he thinks I’m trying to drive a wedge between them, though his friends have told me that he knows how difficult his son is. I also have been diagnosed with a Borderline Personality Disorder. Which is accompanied by depression, severe anxiety and panic attacks and fits of extreme anger and rage. None of which I have ever taken out on his son but I do take it out on him quite often. I know I’m not easy to be with sometimes. My fiancé told me a couple weeks ago that his office is moving locations in a couple months and when they move, he’s going to move with them but he wants to end the relationship and move alone. I don’t know what to do. I’m trying to seek psychiatric help so I can get put on some sort of medication for my disorder but he says he doesn’t think it will help and that regardless, he is still done. I feel like this relationship is just a ticking time bomb which doesn’t help my anxiety. I’ve been trying to be on my best behavior with him and try not to take things out on him but that usually just leads to me feeling like I’m about to explode and excusing myself frequently to the restroom to cry, collect myself and return. It’s not his fault and honestly, I can completely understand why he would want to leave. But I love him more than anything and I can’t bear the thought of him leaving. We were building a life together. Going to buy a house. Because of my illness, I feel hopeless to save this relationship because sometimes I really just have no control over my emotions and how they come out. Is there any hope for me?
Rebecca

October 2, 2015 at 8:25 pm

Hi Chris,
My boyfriend and I have been officially dating for 10 months, but started hanging out and getting close a year ago. I’m 19, he is 21. 5 months in, my dad was diagnosed with cancer. He and my mom went to another state for treatment for 12 weeks, and doctors told us he had a 95% cure rate. Right at the end of the 12 weeks, June 1st, my dad unexpectedly passed away and I took it really hard. My boyfriend was the only thing that could make me happy for a while, he is still the only one I’ll cry to. He was there for me through everything and he was so great. We both work over the summer, so we saw each other less than usual, but still a couple of times a week. We took a vacation together, just the 2 of us, and had an amazing time (so I thought). School started back up in September and he all of a sudden became really distant. One word texts, not really wanting to hang out etc. I asked him about it and he said he didn’t know if he wanted to be together anymore, he felt like the relationship felt forced. He said we have too many little arguments, and it doesn’t feel right anymore. This took me by surprise because I thought everything was fine! I think the problem started when my dad died, because he was afraid to tell me when something was bothering him, in fear that it would make more more upset. I asked him to give us a chance…I wrote him a really long letter reminding him of all of the memories we had, how much I love his family, and explaining that a really devastating thing happened to me, and things are finally going back to normal…things can get better with us. I asked him to tell me when something bothers him, and we can work to fix it. I’ve been trying so hard to make sure he’s happy when we’re together, but giving him the space that he needs when he needs it. Things are great when we’re hanging out, but when we’re texting he is so distant. One night last week he went out with his friends and started drinking…he was being really distant and acted like he didn’t want to talk so I told him I would leave him alone for the night. I stayed at his house last night and saw on his phone that the night he was drunk, he was texting other girls and asking “when they’re gonna hang out”. I asked him about it this morning, because it makes me feel awful that I’m trying so hard for this relationship to work, and it doesn’t seem like he is. He didn’t really say much back to me…he kept saying he just doesn’t know. I left his house and told him I would leave him alone to think about things, and I would text him later. It’s only been 6 hours and I’m going crazy. I can’t lose him after losing my dad. The thought of seeing him around campus with somebody else makes me sick. He’s the best thing that ever happened to me and I would do absolutely anything for this relationship to work. Can you give me any advice?!
sunshine

September 13, 2015 at 12:25 pm

Hi chris..
Me n my bf were in a ldr since 4 years..we were very much in love..from 2015 i was very insecure n started being very clingy..i did all the things that wud made him go mad.. i was jealous of a girl who is his frd n i ended up abusing her.. i did this for the second time now he has cut off all the contact vd me he says he doesnt want me in his life..idk what to do..i still love him alot..! He has blocked me on whatsapp ,fb. After breakup i m not sure but i guess he likes someone else.. idk what to do i m panic..! Plzz help i want him back..
May

September 11, 2015 at 6:28 pm

My boyfriend and I have been fighting/arguing more often lately. I tend to have a temper and to get upset rather easily, I am trying to work on that. That is what bugs my boyfriend the most, as well as me thinking with my emotions instead of ‘logically’. His issue being he doesn’t apologize or acknowledge when my feelings get hurt when he doesn’t start an argument or something, he’s been getting better at it. (We are both 20 years old, 21 next March)

On Monday, we were driving back from our parents homes back to school, we both go to college. The car ride was mostly silent, and the little conversation we had wasn’t amicable. About an hour and a half left of the drive, he began talking about how he felt, he said he wanted some time to clear his head because he doesn’t feel the same way about ‘us’ but that he really really cares about me and doesn’t want me to hurt. We talked and I was sad, crying (not crazy) but just an overwhelming sadness. I didn’t really want to say too much mainly because I didn’t want to say something wrong. When I dropped him off he hugged me twice.

The next day after work I was miserable, but remained calm throughout the day. I went to go see him and we talked calmly and rationally for about 45 minutes, I let our what I feel I can change and also said what he can do as well in order to maintain our relationship and be happier in the outcome. I said “I don’t want a break, breaks are dumb” and he lightly chuckled and said “you dont want a break?” to that I said “no i believe we should communicate and talk about what is bothering us and try to figure something out instead of not talking because that wont clear the issue” He agreed but also seemed a little iffy, but after I explained what I wanted to say he understood. I said that by taking breaks the problem do not get solved because they aren’t being addressed, rather than communicating like we did that day. He said he hoped that I really took the time to think about it and I said I did and I meant everything I said. He then said, “you win” with a little smile/smirk in his voice. I then gave him a ride to the library so he can study for his final exams. He said he’ll text me later and he gave me a couple kisses, then I said ‘are you forgetting something?’ he looked a bit confused, then I said ‘ i love you’ and he said ‘i love you too’ but I’m not sure if he felt forced to say it or not, it seemed he just said it so i can be happy.

He did text me that night saying goodnight, to which i was happy to wake up to.

But I have been initiating most of the conversations, and he seems to be a little short at times. but i feel its nothing out of the ordinary but sometimes i feel like he is going to end things. I tend to overthink things, so i hope that is what im doing and that everything is actually fine. He takes school extremely seriously, and he has been busy studying for his finals, its very important he does well so he can get into the engineering major. SO that is why he has probably been quick and not really talking much because hes focused on what he needs to get done.

Tomorrow, Saturday, he goes home for a week because he’ll be done with classes, and will be back next Saturday. I’m really hoping he’ll talk to me since he won’t be so busy with school for the next few days, and have everything back to normal. I’m just afraid that he won’t speak to me and that he won’t miss me and that he will tell people. So far he hasn’t told anyone, neither have I. That makes me feel better because it seems like things can still be fixed.

P.S: I asked if there was someone else and he said that if there was, I would know. And that there wasn’t another girl. I trust he is telling the truth, because the one thing we have to be proud of in our relationship is that we never lie to each other, especially when its important.

Am I overthinking the situation or is something wrong? A response would be amazing, I just want an unbiased opinion.
Melissa

August 31, 2015 at 5:18 am

My boyfriend of a year and a half wants to possibly breakup. I’ve told him serveral times while we were dating that I didn’t want to be with him and I wasn’t happy but it was always just over reacting to a fight and I got over it and we stayed together. Well I did it again this weekend and he’s so over it he says we should break up. That he loves me but he knows I’m not happy. I love him and I don’t want to loose him because of my stupidity. What do I do?

Chris Seiter

September 2, 2015 at 3:43 am

Accept the breakup and determine if you want him back.

Breanna

August 25, 2015 at 7:44 pm

Hi Chris,
A brief over view in our relationship: we started dating and immediately moved in together because he was living in another state (I knew him before this is not like an online dating thing he had just moved a away) so when we got together he moved back so we could be together. 9 months into our relationship I got pregnant. We started making plans to get married, he panicked, broke up with me. While we were broken up, I slept with someone else (not proud of this moment of weakness) I was pregnant hurt alon. A few months later I told him about the incident. We got back together, had the baby, things were fine. When our daughter was 5 months old we got pregnant again. After she was born things were rough. I was now a stay at home mom and her was working at a job he hated. He started drinking heavily, I took the kids and left because he was blacking out and lost his job, we talked through, started getting help, moved back in after a month and got pregnant with our son. He got a new job and our son was born. He had started to act weird right before the birth and while we were in the hospital I went through his phone because he was acting so strange, like hiding his phone, closing messages so I couldn’t see them, not telling me who he was chatting with when I would just be like what’s up, who ya talking to? He would be like what does it matter who I’m talk to? So any ways I found out he is infatuated with this girl he works with. Telling her he doesn’t know how he feels about me anymore, he thinks he loves her and can’t stop thinking about her. I brought it up the next day (still at the hospital with our 3 day old child) and he said he was just flirting, he has a crush but it doesn’t mean anything. That was 5 months ago almost. He is still flirting with this girl and keeps going back and forth on the emotional spectrum with our relationship. Today he was crying when I woke up, asked him what was wrong and he said he didn’t want to talk about it but from how he was acting I’m thinking now that a breakup conversation is coming. He hasn’t cheated physically, I know that. And we had made plans to visit the venue we want for our wedding because we were just talking about getting married finally once we get back on our feet financially. I’ve noticed the decrease in I love you’s as you described and we are currently living with my mom with our 3 babies (3,2,4.5 months) because our ac is broken so we have no alone time or anything like that which is important I know in a relationship. We have no money to try to reenergize things by going in dates and as much as i wish he would get a different job so he was not around her, that’s not practical. We still have meaningful talks and discussions, we don’t really fight all that often. He just seems to be in a place were he doesn’t know what he wants in life in regards to me. You offer great advice but with children involved, is there any thing I should try to do differently to aid in trying to figure this out since we live together and have children. I can see us being old, the dying together question creeps me out and I don’t literally want to die with anyone or experience the grief of losing him to death, I’m so happy I had children with him and I use to be able to see it’s getting married but with hire things have been I’m afraid to let myself envision that for fear of being best broken. He has told me before that the fact that I slept with someone while we were separated 3.5 years ago is part of his issues because he feels like I cheated and feels like he can’t trust me because I don’t trust him because I kept going through his phone, which I have made a great effort in not doing that for the last 2 months in trying to fix things. But as you said, you can sense when things are not right and it’s going on 5 years of us being together and once again we are talking about getting married but his actions the last few days and the crying today. I just don’t know what to do. I’m terrified of losing him, I lose him I not only lose the man I love whole heartedly and have loved for 8 years, I lose my idea of a whole family unit together, I lose my primary provider to myself and children because I am a stay at home mom with the kids, I lose my best friend. What advice can you give me?
Ray

August 12, 2015 at 3:28 pm

Hi and j just read your entire artical and I don’t even know what to say. I found it so honest and helpful to my situation. My boyfriend of a year and a half has obviously been acting strange towards me lately. I’m not one to handle people’s shit, I stand up for myself and address the issue. I told him he’s been putting me on the back burner and Janet been making me feel important like he used to. He agreed with that and apoglized and said it wasn’t because he lost feelings for me, he just has been selfish and busy. We talked about the things we need to work on as a couple and agreed to improve our relationship. Ever since then he’s all over the place. One day it will be great, we will have great conversations, he tells me how much he appreciates me and how I am such an exciting person in his life. And then the next day he will say things like he doesn’t know how he feels anymore, and that he’s confused. And then the next day things will be fine. So the other day he was really short and I finally asked him what’s going on, and he said he’s not sure how he feels, he has lost fleeings. I asked him if he had any feelings for me at all and he responded “I don’t know right now”. He told me he wants to sit down and break up with me in person. I really love this guy and I’m my eyes our relationship is compeletly worth fighting for. How do I handle this talk he wants to have with me face to face? I need your realistic and truthful help please.

Ray

August 23, 2015 at 4:56 am

thank for your adivce! he ended up breaking up with me over the phone and not even to my fave after a year and a half couldn’t have the decency to say it to my face. but yet I can’t see to get over him. I obviously still love him, feelings don’t just disappear. but I have not talked to him since which is so weird to me how you can go from talking everyday to nothing at all. but he texted me asking for an address of a place and I simply responded with the address and he said thanks babe. is this me over thinking it, but why would he say that? I’m not his “babe” anymore. he is trying to piss me off? I can’t seem to get over his babe comment or him. did his text mean anything, or am I just overreacting? and how do I make him slightly jealous and seem like I’m fine when I’m not at all?
Chris Seiter

August 25, 2015 at 5:53 pm

Don’t reply to his texts. check out the post on using facebook to get your ex back.
Chris Seiter

August 19, 2015 at 4:55 pm

Don’t beg for him back. If you can handle the face to face, go and be aloof. Don’t cry, or beg for him back. Just listen and don’t say anything, act kind of not interested. When you leave do no contact for 30 days. If he asks to be friends just say “sure” but then don’t respond to him when he contacts you. That will rebuild that attraction, along with that you can maybe use subtle jealously but lets see how he reacts first. The best way for you to maintain your cool is knowing that you read this site early enough to make him regret leaving you. Just make sure you follow the no contact rule and don’t break it unless he says he wants to get back together. 🙂

Scared

August 7, 2015 at 11:23 pm

Me and my (ex) bf were having a rough month. I know he was overwhelmed with work, catching up with friends, many family affairs. About three weeks ago we got into an argument because he would come home from work and not seem to want to spend time with me and I was feeling a little neglected. He explained that he was just trying to unwind after work and wasn’t in the mood to cuddle or be cute or anything. This was completely new to me. He has never worked this much so it was a new experience. Anyways, the fight got blown out of proportion and he suggested taking a break then decided against it. We spent our one year anniversary together later that week, it was nice but not on the same level as usual.
After he started going out with his friends almost every night and we weren’t talking much. I decided to just give him some space and not bother him. Later that next week we were supposed to go camping together but instead he went with one of his friends. I obliged since I had work to catch up on anyways and figured he needed some time alone. The night before he left we discussed our relationship and he said he was just thinking over it and was questioning if we would be together in the future. I got a little upset but we didn’t fight or anything. I let him go about his trip and the next morning he asked if I still wanted to go but I just wanted to him to spend some time with friends.
Since he barely had reception so I didn’t bother him at all and wished him well on his trip. I got some advice saying that thinking a relationship over sometimes was normal and decided to be cool about it. The day he was coming back he seemed really excited to come see me and said he loved me so much. The next week or two after it was a little up and down. We didn’t fight but he still seemed somewhat distant on some days. We were supposed to hang out one night and he got caught up with his friends and I didn’t see him. I tried to communicate as calmly as I could that I don’t mind him spending time with friends I just wished he would tell me next time since we were supposed to hang out.
Well the next night we hung out and got ice cream and he wanted to talk about our relationship. It was similar to the conversation we had before. He wasn’t completely sure what he wanted and was not sure if he could see our relationship lasting because it got off to a rocky start in the beginning (mind you we have been strong and happy for quite some time). He wasn’t planning on breaking up that night but it was really emotional and when he took me home he decided it was the best thing to do before he leaves on a three week trip to see his family in Iran. Of course I was devastated.
I knew the best thing to do was cut off all communication and let myself heal and try to move on. We talked a little the next day but emotions were flying high and I decided we needed to stop talking. Later that day he texted me saying “I feel so bad and I’m sorry. I hope I change my mind when I get back”. I continued the NC rule. The proceeding days he texted me twice wondering about something trivial to see if I would respond. I didn’t. Then later that night he called, I didn’t answer and texted me saying he left a letter at my door. The letter just addressed to call him if I needed closure before his flight left. Finally I decided to answer his question from the previous day (breaking the NC rule, I know) and let him know that I was accepting what happened and trying to move on. His last text to me sounded like a final goodbye but he said he would contact me when he got back from Iran.
My biggest worry from this whole story is that I’m trying to move on and heal and I am scared that he will get back and call me up just to tell me he hadn’t changed his mind and I am not sure how I’m going to be able to handle it. I figure any which way I look at it I know when he’s coming back and I’ll be anxious enough to what he has to say but I don’t want to get hurt all over again while I’m in the process of moving on. If you have any advice that would be so helpful. Thank you.
Shanaya

July 23, 2015 at 10:41 pm

hi, Me and my boyfriend has been dating from 2 and half years and in recent few months he tries to breakup with me 3 times.But I didn’t let him I promised him that I won’t fight I’ll do this I’ll do that and I kept my promise but if yesterday we had a normal fight he said he can’t carry it anymorit
He said he don’t want me to love him to this extent.
And I used to do everything now what he says but still I want him to love me I know He loves me but still I don’t want a breakup and I can do anything for it.
Plzzzz help
alex

July 10, 2015 at 5:44 pm

Hi Chris Ive been with my boyfriend for 2 years on the 14th this has now changed , but a week ago all a sudden he said we need to have a talk and im coming to meet you half way on our trip its is serious, i dont want you to come out here for it , i asked if it was bad and he said , yes it is bad conversation i need to have in person with you, i got what it was about from him and he said for 8 months in some point in our relationship apparently i pushed him away and has never felt the same since, i wasnt aware i did this, this being a year and 4 months later he has bottled that one up, yet i talked to him, and he was planning us to do all sorts on this day, all a sudden gone, why is he only just bringing this up now cancelling plans and planning to have this ” sense a break up talk” on our anniversary, why has he not tried to resloves his worries before hand , im going to hear him out and offer my solutions everything has been more than better for months and said he loved me after telling me he needed the talk, im very confused and felt like my emotions are being put up and down, was i blinded by love to see the signs and we rarley fight , how do i avoid this break up im feeling is going to happen dont want to loose my best friend should i suggest a break to see if he knows what he wants ? thankyou
Anushka

July 1, 2015 at 3:39 am

Hi Chris, My boyfriend and I have been together for 9 months. I believe thats a lot since we are in high school junior year. This relationship has been the best until yesterday when he suddenly decided to break up with me because I am a distraction. He said he needs to focus on his academics and is willing to give me up for his future. Is there any way I can stop him from doing this because no part of me ready to deal with a break up right now.

Thankyou
Ashley

June 16, 2015 at 9:16 pm

Hey Chris, so I have read this entire article and it has given me a positive outlook on things. Although the my boyfriend dumped me two days ago, I do still have some hope he will return. He told me that he lost the spark, that he has changed and he isn’t the same person he was when I met him a year and a half ago. Here’s the thing, he is two years younger that me. I believe that a lot of the way he is feeling has to do with the fact that our maturity levels differ and that he may be feeling that he is too young to be tied down and have to take care of a girl friend. He has treated me so well throughout the relationship, I felt like a princess with him. He has always said how much he loves me and that he wants a family with me and to grow old with me. We broke up 2 months ago because he lost the spark again, then two weeks later he got a new girlfriend. I tried to be supportive and be the “best friend” in hopes that he would hate her and love me cuz I continued to be there for him. He invited me to his basketball game and after that we went to lunch and he began to cry because he missed me so much and regretted being in a new relationship. So he dumped that girl a day later and got back with me. Now it’s summer and he ended it right before I could make plans with him. I feel like using the same method I did last time and just be the “best friend” so I don’t lose him. That’s one thing he begged me not to do is shut him out of my life because he truly cares about me and wants to know I’m safe. I don’t know what to do.
anonymous

June 15, 2015 at 8:53 am

Thank you for all the great content and work you have shared here! My bf and I had an argument that resulted in him ignoring me for the past four days since our fight. I texted him to allow me to better understand his frustrations when he was ready to talk (this was actually couple hrs after the fight in my attempt to resolve this issue since he was on his computer and playing games on his phone-my mistake?). The day after the argument I began to panic and sent him texts and couple voice mails since he has been completely silent and ignoring me. Since then I have not contacted him at all to give him space. Would it be best to wait for him to initiate communication again or to try texting him in a couple days? Also, we have a class together so there is a good chance we will see each other. Thank you.

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