How To Prevent A Breakup With Your Boyfriend When You Know It's Coming

399 thoughts on “How To Prevent A Breakup With Your Boyfriend When You Know It’s Coming”

Abril

September 21, 2014 at 12:17 am

Chris, I am glad I read this page today. My BF broke up on me about a year ago, we got back together 6 months later (thanks to your site). We are now having the same issues as what we faced a year ago.
Thank you very much for reminding me to:
– ask myself if this relationship is worth saving, and
– communicate and influence.

admin

September 29, 2014 at 4:27 pm

Communication is key I think.

Chloe

September 4, 2014 at 2:48 am

I am crazy in love with my boyfriend. We have been together for 1 year 3 months. He was been a great guy and treated me right. Lately he told me he does not feel comfortable being himself around me like he would not try to make jokes he would be serious but I could see it was causing him to be depressed. I can feel a break-up coming but we have been through so much already so I dont wanna throw it away. I wanna try to fix it but he wont let me.. what do i do?…

admin

September 4, 2014 at 12:28 pm

You haven’t broken up yet so just communicate with him. TALK to him.

katy

August 16, 2014 at 2:40 am

Hi there,

I’ve been seeing this guy ever since November 2013, although we’ve only become very close and intimate in the last two months.

It never once occurred to me in the past that he may have been leading me on or using me, because he would always tell me he loves me and he would show it too with his actions whenever we hungout, just by acting lovingly towards me and doing things for me. We’ve both met each other’s families and friends which has been wonderful. He treats his mother with such love and respect too.

Recently however, we slept together for the first time and ever since then he has been acting distant towards me. He barely messages me anymore (we can go days without talking), and whenever we do talk, the conversation is pretty bland and sometimes he doesn’t even reply.

I know that he has a friend who he is very close with and for some reason his friend doesn’t like me (even though I thought he did). The guy I’m seeing told me that his close friend told him that I was only using him etc (which is NOT true). I have a feeling his friend is putting ideas in his head about me…

What I’m really wondering here is:

Do you think the guy I’m seeing is just using me for sex etc? (Even though I thought he liked me)

Do you think he might also be acting distant because of things his friend has said about me?

And what should I do? Should I talk to him about any worries or wait for him to talk to me? I’m terrified of losing him…

Thanks

admin

August 18, 2014 at 12:41 pm

If you really want to know if he is using you for sex then look at his actions and take his words out of the equation!

Lauren

August 13, 2014 at 3:27 pm

I am probably commenting way too much on here, but now I know what I actually need help with. I am really afraid that my boyfriend is going to break up with me. We are on a “break” right now and have been for about 3 weeks but have still been seeing each other and talking. We haven’t seen each other since Saturday morning (I slept over Friday night.) This weekend he became distant, not after I left because we talked on the phone and it was great, but then Saturday night into Sunday he became very distant and wasn’t responding to my texts. I was supposed to meet up with him Saturday night with my friends and his, and I called him to figure out the plans, he didn’t answer. I texted him, he answered and said he didn’t know what they were doing yet. Then I waited over an hour and texted him again, he didn’t answer, so I tried to call him again, he didn’t answer. Then, I decided I was not going to meet up with him, so I texted him saying “Babe I’m just gonna stay here, but I wanna talk to you before you go out, can you call me?” He then texted me “babe i’m just going to hangout with my friends tn sorry im in a bar.” (meaning he could not answer the phone) but i had already told him that i wasnt going to meet up with him, so I feel like he was mad that I “rejected” him before he could reject me… and then said that so it would be like it was his idea and pretend I never said it.. anyway, he didnt respond to any other texts that night.. later I found out he was at the same bar I was at but after I had already left (he lives like 4 towns away but has friends in my town) anyway, he didnt answer when I called the next day, then I texted him and said “sorry babe i texted you a lot last night i was kinda drunk” and he goes “yeah like 20 texts lol” it was not 20.. more like 6.. but throughout the night not all at once and only because he wasn’t answering at all and I was just worried and had a bad feeling.. so then I tried to call him again after he said this, and he didnt answer, at this point he had been ignoring my calls since saturday night… finnally at 6 pm he texts me “hey sorry sooo hungover how are you?” and said he was going to hangout with his friends that night and we’d hangout tomorrow.. then that night we finally talked on the phone and hes like i still dont know what i want yet etc.. blah blah still need more time on this break, you cant keep calling me and texting me when im with my friends if u wnt this to work out.. so whatever he said he couldnt hangout mon but would hangout tues.. then yesterday was tuesday we talked and i said what are you doing tn he said he had his nanas party which he never told me about (he said wed hangout) so i was like oh ok.. and he said yeah u? and i said idk yet.. then i tried to call him he didnt answer so i asked him to call me and he siad he was eating lunch… and i said ok after? still nothing i called him again half an hour later and left a msg saying i was gonna leave him alone and he needs to contact me when he wants to talk or hangout bc i feel like im trying to make this work and hes not.. he then texts me “im in the car with pat (his little cousin) psycho leaving me voicemails” and i said “im not a psycho i was just letting you know im gona leave u alone i know ur busy” and he said “ok thanks” i didnt text or call him for the rest of the day until last night and said “hey babe hope you had a good day and that youre having a good time at your nanas. ttys” he never responded… so i know that i have been annoying him by calling and texting too much, I KNOW that… but the only reason ive been doing this is because he is acting like a weirdo and being distant and cold after we had a really good night friday and it was HIS idea to hangout sat night.. so what do I do? I need to show him that I’m not going to be a nag anymore and bother him.. but its hard not to when im so insecure right now and worried about him breaking up with me..

admin

August 14, 2014 at 11:23 am

This is a tricky one…

Getting past your insecurity of him breaking up with you is going to be tough. Why did you two go on a break?
Lauren

August 14, 2014 at 1:17 pm

Well, if you ask him, because we were fighting a lot and I can have an attitude a lot because I get defensive, it has to do with things that I went through growing up and also anxiety.

If you ask me, it’s because I got in a huge fight with his sister, as I think I mentioned on another one of your posts, and she moved back home and as soon as that happened, things between me and my bf got complicated because she was there and it was uncomfortable. Also, his grandpa died a month ago and they were very close, then I got really sick like to the point of going to the ER and my bf had to take care of me, it was a tough time. I think all of these things contributed because I wasn’t myself and he wasn’t himself.

After I got better from being sick, he said that he never wanted to feel that way ever again (it was right after his grandpa died) and he said he was so worried about me it really scared him, and he kept thinking of the possibility of losing me right after he lost his grandpa and said he never would have been able to deal with it because he can’t lose me… but then we went on a break… so it’s confusing to me. If he doesn’t want to lose me, why is he pushing me away now?
admin

August 15, 2014 at 2:28 pm

I somehow feel that he is not giving you the whole story from his end…
Lauren

August 15, 2014 at 5:45 pm

What do you mean? Like he met someone else or something? That’s why I want to meet up and talk to him because I feel like he is not telling me everything… he went from wanting to see me all the time even though we were on a break, to not even wanting to talk to me.
Lauren

August 14, 2014 at 1:21 pm

Last night I asked if he wanted to meet him for a drink or two if he wasn’t hanging out with his friend which he said he might.. and he said “ok i will def let you know” that was 8 PM then finally at 10PM he said “im at corys. sorry” (i haven’t seen him since that saturday morning when I left his house)

Oh and last night I wrote him this letter (you say this is bad but since we’re not technically broken up yet i thought it as ok) explaining how I felt about things and him being distant, which is why I got kind of clingy and called and texted him a lot..

He read it and he said “that note was nice thankss” which i try to take as a good sign but i’m not sure.

meriem

July 14, 2014 at 1:32 am

hi chris i really need your advice on something my boyfriend and i have been together for 5 months now in the first 4 months he was the perfect boyfriend carring loving sweet he missed me all the times called me all day long we talked too much everything was perfect but in the last month i sense a change in his attitude towards me he is not him anymore no sweet talk no i love you or i miss you until i say it and he say it back bach i feel like he say it just because i say it to him so i tried to talk to him but he said there is nothing and that he is like he was and nothing change when i talked with him over and over again he got angry and gave me the silent treatment he became even colder and our conversation became shorter and shorter here i was fed up and i told him i want to break up with you he said no and gave me sweet words to forget so i forget but after one day he bacame like he was and we fight again and say i want to break up inside me i didn’t want to break up i want my boyfriend back so he felt that and when i kept saying that i want to break up latly he’s been ignoring me complitly when i say that 2 days until he is sur that i forgot because he know that i love him and he come lik nothing happened and say i don’t want to here this talk again and that there is nothing wrong and we have nothing wrong between us to break up.i’m so confused what it means i don’t feel that he love me anymore but at the same time he don’t want to leave me what do you think since you are a man tell me what’s in his mind plzzz

meriem

July 14, 2014 at 11:04 pm

please 🙁

Karlie

June 24, 2014 at 8:38 pm

Hey Chris,

My new bf and I have been dating just over a month. I’ve fallen for him hard and fast (which kinda scares me seeing how badly my last relationship ended) Well all of last week he was away on a mission trip and we had no contact whatsoever, now that he is back though, things feel different. His texts are shorter and far between, he’s depressed but won’t talk to me about it, oh, and he’s texting a girl he met there nonstop. I already talked to him about her, and the texting issue, but no changes so far. Tonight I’m leaving for three weeks to spend time with family out of state, and while I’m gone, a whole group of his mission trip friends will be staying at his house for an entire week, including the girl that he knows bothers me. One of our mutual guy friends has promised to keep an eye on him for me.

Basically, my question is, does it seem to you that thus whole relationship is about to fall apart? Cause it feels that way to me, and I really want to keep him around for a long time.

admin

June 25, 2014 at 5:09 pm

What about this girl bothers you? He likes her?
Karlie

June 24, 2014 at 11:37 pm

Relationship just ended… guess I didn’t need your help to know it was doomed….

Elly

June 23, 2014 at 12:08 pm

Hi Chris

I really need some advices from you. I broke up with my ex about 2 weeks ago and heed your advice on the nc. he hasn’t contacted me thusfar. has he given up on me? We broke up because he said we were incompatible, is it possible to fix this? And also feelings for me faded over time. We’ve been together for almost a year. Now I really don’t know if it’s possible to get him back. Sometimes I have thoughts that he is cheating on me, or even enjoying life without me, or worse enjoying life with other girls. I really hope we can get back together but I don’t know how to fix this.. I hope you can help me. What should I do. I’m afraid if i continue nc, he would forget about me totally if he really is enjoying his life now. He wanted us to be friends initially, but he isn’t even trying to talk to me! Does that mean he is just saying it for fun? I really need you help chris……

Elly

June 27, 2014 at 12:51 pm

Hi chris, i really hope you can help. what should i do?

Amy

June 12, 2014 at 9:21 am

Hey Chris are you saying I should restart NC if my BF ended up calling it off (after getting him back the first time)?

admin

June 15, 2014 at 3:35 pm

Yes!

mo

May 28, 2014 at 4:02 am

I’m confused if I should move on or not I’m stuck in some sort of limbo I know I’m out of his league I just miss having that companionship. an im very unhappy with the new men I’ve met. I want to work on my career .an my ex is just hanging around I don’t know where to place him.he was an ass quite a bit. bottom line is when I think about how much I gave it sux. I’m not sure if I ever really knew him.7

admin

May 28, 2014 at 2:54 pm

Move on if you are happy with the new men youve met.

Sally

May 24, 2014 at 6:52 pm

Hi chris, thank you so much for all of your replies. I think u remember me from my comment section. My ex broke up with me because he said I don’t love him enough. Anyway, long story short, I don’t understand why he kept doing this. When I didn’t wish him for his birthday, he message me. Then when I start messaging me, he will give me those one word reply. Then I stop messaging him and he started to message me again. He even said his mistake is that he gave up on us. He said he is complete cool down already now and had been thinking a lot and hope that I am not hurt and angry anymore. But when I reply to him, he starts ignoring me and saying that he is very very busy. He is constantly online on Facebook although he said he was busy. I need to work with him in a group of 5 for one more year before I can find another job. What should I do now? Please help me…
Jesse

May 24, 2014 at 4:55 pm

My ex is being nice to me again. He ignored my text but the same night I saw him in person. He hugged all my friends and just said hi to me and didn’t respond. When I walked past him he asked if I was going to leave with my friends and I said “Nope.” and he was like “What the f*ck?!” (I don’t know why he responded like that) but I replied back as if he was a baby, slowly saying “I am not leaving with them.” His friend came up behind me and rubbed my forearms as if I was cold and I was standing in front of my ex. He looked me straight in the eyes as if he his heart had a shock. When I left I hugged his friend good-bye first so my ex turned around awkwardly in his chair and said “Bye Jesse.” smiled, and hugged me awkwardly.

He usually ignores me at parties and gives me angry jealous stares. I think he may be being nice to me because he knows I’m in a fight with my dad and seems pretty concerned about it.

My friend said that if he’s mean to you it means he isn’t over you. She’s the same friend that told him hate is a feeling and showed he still has feelings, and he agreed that he wasn’t over me. So I’m confused. He’s being nice now. A week ago he was saying he wasn’t over me. He’s still acting jealous though.

A few months ago when I was positive he still had a lot of feelings for me, he was nice and laughing with me brining up old memories, but he got scared of us being close again and was mean to me ever since. Maybe he is just going back to that loving stage, but he knows what he’s doing now and can handle it.

Do you think he’s getting over me or he’s being friendly and opening up again because he wants to rekindle a relationship or friendship?
Amy

May 23, 2014 at 3:20 am

Hey Chris thanks for your advice. I managed to get back together with my bf.

However recently his mum went to see a pastor. The pastor told her that god deoesnt want the bf to date and wants to meet the ex in june. The ex broke up with me because he is afraid of the pastors direction in June.

After that he keeps contacting me because he wants to know about my health etc. He also keeps asking me out but cancels on me. Do you think I should do NC again?

admin

May 23, 2014 at 5:22 pm

This is great to hear!!!

Em

May 21, 2014 at 10:59 pm

Sorry for the double comment, the top half of my comment disappeared.

Dear Chris,

You’ve been a big help to me in the past so I hope you’ll help me once more.

About 3 months ago I started sleeping with a guy. We both agreed we didn’t want a relationship, but then it started to resemble one… he’d hold my hand and kiss me in public. We’d go out to eat and hang out. He always
Em

May 21, 2014 at 10:52 pm

wanted to cuddle. I met his friends and some of his family. He met mine. we spent the night together a couple times. He complimented me constantly, and things were starting to feel serious… more serious than he was comfortable with, even though he was the one initiating all the seriousness. I knew that and I wasn’t asking him for anything. I still am not, I just want him to figure out what the heck he wants! I mean… last Thursday we had some crazy intense sex… like it was like he was trying to inhabit my skin, I felt like an Occupy movement. He fell asleep kissing me, and I eventually had to kick him out so he could go home. Then his parents came to town so I hadn’t seen him all weekend…but we were texting and everything was going as normal.
Yesterday before my last final (not cool!!) he told me he needed a break, just a week, which was a major backpedal from his initial statement that we shouldn’t see each other anymore cuz it seemed like I wasn’t happy with what he was offering (confusion? Yeah, I guess I’m not happy with blurred lines.) Anyway.. he says… he can’t get me out of his head. He doesn’t want to work, he can’t study, and… it sounds like he really likes me.. and that scares him? He sat next to me for awhile and grabbed my hand before he left, too, which made me want to kick him in the junk . But I didn’t, because I’m a classy lady.
What do you think? Should I wait and see if he comes around or is he gone? He makes me pretty happy and treats me wonderfully otherwise and I think this could be an actually good relationship.. but I am a strong girl and I don’t need it so I’m going to be ok either way. Just want your take. 🙂

admin

May 22, 2014 at 3:58 pm

Sounds like he has feelings for you but be careful its not just about sex for him.
Em

May 23, 2014 at 4:59 am

You were right, Chris… he called me tonight saying he was miserable and missed me and realized he wanted me and was just scared because he hasn’t had a girlfriend in 5 years. Gosh, if ignoring him for two days worked so well, I’m giddy at what 30 days could do to a man. Good stuff, man!
admin

May 23, 2014 at 5:22 pm

😉

anonymous

May 21, 2014 at 4:22 am

Helloo chris! Its been awhile since I last commented. How are you? Hope life’s been good for you 🙂

Anyway to cut my long story short. I decided to completely move on from my ex. And I’m currently dating a new man; coming to 4months. My ex however, still occasionally gets in touch with me, wants to meet up with me and so forth. My current bf even told my ex off a few times (we’re getting officially engaged in a month’s time) but knowing this, my ex still does ask me out sometimes; even to his family gatherings. Why is that so? Does that mean that my ex still has feelings for me? Or he just sees me as a “challenge” since I have a new bf. Taken into consideration that my ex has been seeing a few ladies since we broke up about a year plus ago.

Sometimes I do reply his msgs. But I’ve turned down his offer for “breakfast” “lunch” “dinner” for example, i said i cant have breakfast with him, he suggest lunch, i say no still, he suggest dinner, no still, he suggest other days. He turns up at my office a few times saying he happens to be around the area.

How serious can he possibly be about wanting me back? Or is this just some kinda game of some sort to him?

admin

May 21, 2014 at 2:41 pm

Yay new man.

Here is what I think is happening. He sees you happy with someone else and all of a sudden has to have you again. Men always want what they can’t have. He doesn’t have you (someone else does) and that can make you more attractive to him.

Anonymous

May 18, 2014 at 8:07 am

I’ve been talking to my ex for a while now after completing NC. He got in touch four days before the end of NC and I didn’t reply until it was over. We’ve been getting on really well, although sometimes he goes a little cold and goes from being all flirtatious and talking about us getting back together, to treating me like a friend. He says it’s because he can’t do anything more than getting to know me again right now, he say’s he’s ‘messed up’ in the head and sometimes he finds it impossible to show affection to anyone, and that he just goes cold inside and feels nothing for anyone when it happens. He also said he believes he can make me happy, and he wants us to be together again when he sorts himself out, until then we should keep getting to know each other again.

I agreed at first, and although he knows I’m not waiting for him (I can’t let myself wait knowing there’s a chance he might decide it’s not worth another try) I’m afraid that when he’s sorted himself out he will decide that it’s the wrong thing to be with me (he’s said that at one point, but he keeps saying that right now he feels differently and believes it won’t change – that we should be together and he would like to make me happy some day).

He’s also riddled with this guilt over hurting me. He’s terrified he’s going to do it again, saying I’m a remarkable person because I never hated him for what he did, I never held anything against him, and that if there’s anyone he can be close to again it’s me.

I don’t know what to do now. It’s gotten pretty deep pretty fast and I don’t know how to know if he’s ever going to come back. Or how long it will take for him to sort himself out. He said he wants me there when he finally does, but if at the time he decides we’re not going to work, I don’t know how I’d cope. Any advice?

admin

May 20, 2014 at 8:58 pm

I wish I could give you an exact answer but the truth is that he is the only one that can know that for sure.
Anonymous

May 18, 2014 at 8:15 am

Although we haven’t seen each other yet, we’re supposed to be going to see our favourite band together in about ten days time. I know how the night has to go but I’m wondering that with all that I’m worried about whether I can be that way, and not just call it a day. I really don’t want to but I’m not sure I can go through another (non) break up with this guy, he means so much to me and it was crushing enough the first time.

jane

May 17, 2014 at 3:24 pm

Hi chris,

my boyfriend of 9 months suddenly became distance for few weeks after a while he agreed that we should meet up and talk, during our meeting he said he still cares about me but hes not sure what he wants, i asked him if he wants a break up he said he has not said that but doesn’t know what he really wants, i told him i’m not really sure it will be okay with me to stick around with a guy who hes not sure about me as it just seems like sitting on the fence, he said he doesn’t know what else to say but hes just told me his mind, the conversation was 2 days ago, he sent me a text the next day saying thanks for coming and he has since then gone silent again, is there anyway i can stop a break up or its better off ignoring him and see how things go, please what would you advise in this situation.
thanks

admin

May 20, 2014 at 8:44 pm

What do you think caused him to have these types of feelings?
jane

May 21, 2014 at 2:17 pm

we had an argument because i added his ex on my cousins facebook a month after i met him just because i wanted to be sure they are not together as he has told me, i apologised after he knew about this which was okay and then i deleted her off but he later brought it up 2 months after saying he finds it difficult to trust me, since our last conversation when he told me he doesn’t know what he wants which was a week ago, he has completely ignored me and blocked me from accessing some training he introduced me to and aloo asked for a usb he gave to me a while ago telling me to post it and this was by text.
admin

May 22, 2014 at 3:37 pm

Thats not that big of a deal to be honest. Adding the ex on the cousins facebook thing.
jane

May 21, 2014 at 4:42 pm

i also texted him when i sent the usb by post just to confirm that i have posted the item, he did not reply my text and just ignored me

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399 thoughts on “How To Prevent A Breakup With Your Boyfriend When You Know It’s Coming”