Starting A Conversation With An Ex The After No Contact Rule

166 thoughts on “How To Properly Start A Conversation With Your Ex After No Contact”

Syntia

March 19, 2019 at 4:22 pm

Hi, my ex and i ended on not so good terms. We we’re seeing eachother for 4 months but then he cheated and i send him an angry text in which he didn’t reply. Thats how things ended between us. After couple of days i sent him another text asking how he is on which he replied and we exchanged a few texts. After 2/3 day i texted him againg asking about something regarding the last conversation we had, he replied again, but when i asked him if he is going out that night he stopped. After two or so weeks of not seeing eachother at all or talking i texted him again just asking how he is and he didnt reply. At the time i think he was seeing someone else. Then a two weeks back we bump into eachother in a club but we both turned our head away and didnt say anyhing. Now i find myself constantly thinking about him and even want to text him but i dont want to look like im pushing anything or that i’m needy and desperate, and he is out there having fun and not thinking aboit me at all. I’m also scared that i’ll be rejected again, i want him to text me back and to reconnect with eachother, but the thing is i dont know what to say to him. Please help
Claire

March 19, 2019 at 8:54 am

Hi, i’m not sure if i should finsh the nc, it’s been nearly 2 months, but im scared of the thought what he’ll might think if i text him. He cheated and sent an angry text on which he didn’t reply and it ended, then i texted him after couple of days to see how he is doing and he replied. It was only a few text and then two days later a texted him again and he replied again. And then nothing for two weeks and i texted again saying how is he on which he didnt reply anything. We saw eachother few weekend later but we both didnt said anything (he was with a girl and i was with my friends, but we both turned our heads). And now its been almost two months and i find myself thinking aboit him every single day and decided that i want to text him, but im bot sure if i should or what should i say? I dont want to look like im pushing it like i dont understand that is been a while and we didnt ended on such a nice terms, if he doesnt want to talk to me, but on the other hand i want to be with him and want to try to establish a connection again. So what should i do?
Erica

January 8, 2019 at 1:10 am

I messaged my ex after no contact it’s been 3 months. I said something that made me think of him and asked how he was. He said good and asked how I’ve been and I said good and told him about my apartment and new car. He said look at you that’s so cool I’m happy you’ve been doing good. I said thank you and he said my place looks nice and that I probably save a lot on gas with the car. I said I didn’t care about the gas just that it has Bluetooth! But sometimes has me dancing and forgetting my speed. He stopped responding. What does this mean? Should I let it go?
Alexandra

November 29, 2018 at 2:16 am

Ive completed NC for about 35 days and it has been super successful. I texted my ex and got a positive response, and then i ended the conversation by saying i was busy and had to run. Do I wait for him to text me the next time or do i start another conversation?

Chris Seiter

November 29, 2018 at 3:34 am

Hi Alexandra! Things are looking up! If you have not picked up my 485 page eBook, “Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro”, please consider it as it goes into all the granularity and detail you are asking about. He may reach out and if so slowly build the convo. But if he doesn’t then the try again in the next day or so.

Tyne

October 20, 2018 at 7:05 pm

I am day 7 on NC. My ex has been contacting my sister and he has now neglected his health and resorted to heavily drinking. My sister has been giving me pressure to talk to him cz he was getting out of hand. It’s a long distance relationship. Have been dating for 6 mths. Decided to employ NC because he has been very ignorant to my chats recently. When I asked him he said I should not worry bt should bare in mind that he will b busy. It never used to b like that before because no matter how busy we would b our chats were flowing. The mother of his children has been contacting him making excuses for him to go and see the baby at times they will b genuine at times not genuine and they end up fighting. Thought he needed space to decide what he needs to do because they separated months ago before we started dating. We both have our own children.i really love him and I don’t want to lose him during NC. How long can I do my NC period.

Chris Seiter

October 22, 2018 at 4:05 am

Hi Tyne!

Space can be good for all involved. I would suggest if you want to maximize the impact of No Contact you consider picking up my core eBook or my Special Topic ebook (The No Contact Rule Book) so you are up to speed on all of this.

Fari

September 30, 2018 at 5:13 pm

Hi,
I was completed my no contact then i sent him a text he replied me.then when i was sent a texts he replied me but he never send msg to me first he always replied but not initiate conversation. Sometime reply me soon some time later.What i do? Why he not initiate conversation?

Chris Seiter

October 1, 2018 at 3:31 am

Hi Fari!

Best to build some attraction through the methods I talk about slowly over time. Your text strategy won’t always be successful on every level. And patience is needed to really figure out if there is a connection that can get serious.

Anita

August 17, 2018 at 7:27 pm

Help! Things just got worse!
I posted a comment on my facebook making it look like i had today. My ex read a different meaning into it and he texted me and called me only to tell me he hates me, used alot of hurtful words includin “to hell with your fake love, your not sorry”

And he threatened to block me everywhere

I cheated on him, what can i do

Chris Seiter

August 17, 2018 at 9:05 pm

Well, Anita….you ex is being very hateful and abusive. So right now, I would remain in no contact and if you have not already done so, pick up my eBook (Pro) so you have the best practices available to you going forward.

Anita

August 17, 2018 at 2:57 am

Hi
For example, my ex is nuts about chocolates
So is this fit for a text after NC

“Hi, hope all’s good, I’m about returning from my vacation to Dubai so I decided to get some chocolates but I’m stuck choosing a flavour, Toblerones or Mars?

How is that for a start

Chris Seiter

August 17, 2018 at 2:01 pm

I like that text Anita…..good job! Save that one and think of some others or utilize my ebook, “The Texting Bible” to help you construct text messages you can use after the NC period.

Lily

August 14, 2018 at 6:30 am

Hello, I know my ex for two years, he’s so calm but the problem is when he feel bad or anything is bothering him he just disappear!! Not calling or texting or saying anything to me and it may take from 3 to 4 days then after he texted or call me back.. we talk about and he said when he feel like that he likes to be quiet.. but it’s becoming more often like that especially before we broke up!! He just texted me saying we need a break just for the summer so I can build my energy again.. after 9 days texting asking about me and saying he travel.. we have been broke up like two months and half now, but during the last texting from him I have been ignoring him about 40 days now.. I focused about my self and everything, but I scared that he didn’t text or talking to!!
The only way to reach him on phone or wats up only..
thanks .
Anna

May 13, 2018 at 3:13 am

I called my ex after no contact (45 Days) instead of text. He was very excited and happy to talk to me and text me as soon as we hung up with a long tex saying his opinion of me never changed and that he was was okay whether we talked everyday or every now and then. I took a few hours to reply and when i did I replied with a vey short text saying ‘I agree.’. he didn’t respond. The next day, I text him and he responded but again, I took hours to reply and once I did he didn’t respond. Am I doing things wrong? What should be the next thing to do?

Chris Seiter

May 13, 2018 at 5:09 am

It OK Anna..these communication contacts can go different ways for different reasons. Try again and once you get a rhythm, you need not wait hours to respond. just reply normally after you hear from him.
Anna

May 13, 2018 at 5:21 am

Also, if he responds in the morning from the last text I sent today should I respond? Or ignore it and wait for him to text me again?
Chris Seiter

May 13, 2018 at 3:50 pm

Hi Anna…I think you should follow my advice in my ebooks! Now that initial contact has been made, utilize texting to build attraction. You need not ignore his texts or wait hours. Rather engage and keep it interesting. Have balance in the communications. End convo at high points. You have my ebook, right?
Anna

May 13, 2018 at 5:04 pm

He hasn’t responded so I feel like I ruined my opportunity to keep his attention. He was into the conversation up until I started responding late. And no but I would like to purchase your ebook.
Chris Seiter

May 13, 2018 at 9:35 pm

I wouldn’t worry too much about his barking at you. Time has a way of calming the beast, bringing back some logic and chasing out some of the emotions. Let me know how it goes for you Anna! And as the book discusses, be sure to keep the main focus on your self recovery and building more value within yourself, but not for him…for you. He will notice and that is good…but you will get more out of in in the long run. I call it becoming the Ungettable Girl.
Anna

May 14, 2018 at 2:02 am

Also, I blocked him on all social media two weeks ago in order for me to heal because he was still very active with watching my stories and liking my pictures. If he is still blocked, and can’t see me post anything, how can I achieve the ‘Ungettable Girl’ strategy? Should I unblock him now that we’ve started speaking again?
Chris Seiter

May 14, 2018 at 3:28 pm

Yes. Unblock. I am not a fan of blocking for the reasons you gave.
Anna

May 14, 2018 at 3:53 pm

Thank you so much! I can’t wait for the book to arrive!
Anna

May 14, 2018 at 1:58 am

I just ordered your book and until it arrives I’m contemplating my next step. Also, I’m not clear on what you meant by “barking at you” he didn’t upset. Should I count today as Day 3 of the Tide Theory which is not sending him anything and then tomorrow should I text him something about his favorite show he always wanted me to watch? Can I count that as Day 4?
Chris Seiter

May 14, 2018 at 3:30 pm

I took it that he was being fussy with you (i.e. barking at you). Yes, that is a good plan. Seeking some balance is what you strive for.
Anna

May 13, 2018 at 5:19 am

Thank you for responding! I found your podcast about the ‘Tide Theory’ AFTER texting him. So, should I start over and let him initiate a conversation this time and apply the tide theory then? Like a fresh start and not counting the past few texts between him and I ?

cara

May 8, 2018 at 8:50 am

He had been sending me little messages with photos each day (4 days), then It all stopped. Not sure If he was doing it out of pity, or to be nice for a while. Should I go no contact again? I have sent him one photo , just a pic of a place we used to go. No reply from him. Been 3 days since I sent that. Thank you

Chris Seiter

May 8, 2018 at 3:00 pm

Remind me Cara….how long were the two of you together as a couple and how long was your no contact. Also, did you pick up a copy of my ebook, “Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro”, as it goes into all the things you can do to optimize your chances depending on where you are in the process.

cara

May 2, 2018 at 12:17 pm

Hi my on off relationship was over (again) in Feb. He cheated, and I forgave him, but things didn’t work out (I think he was still seeing her), so ended up with us rowing all the time. I started the 30 day no contact rule. And he didnt try to contact me at all. At the end of the no contact, I was in a good place, and had something I needed to give him. I called and we arranged to meet up. I met him, and we only discussed positive aspects of our time together. I didnt mention the ‘other woman’. Since then he has been sending me little photographs every day via texts. He knows I love that, and that I miss that. Not sure how to move forward, as miss him everyday. He sadi he misses me to. But he has not asked to meet me or anything. Should i keep going and keep replying ‘thank you’ everytime i get a phot text message in the ope he eventually asks to meet up. Or should I just ignore?

Chris Seiter

May 3, 2018 at 1:26 am

Hi Cara…2 options probably. One is bold. You simply ask him if he is with this other woman. If the answer is yes or anything approaching that, then you have your answer right there. The other option is to reply sporadically to him and see if he ups the attention. NC is always an option, but it has happened already but in this case communications have resumed, take little steps to explore. And if you haven’t already done so, go pick up my ebook, Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro (website Menu/Products link) as it is comprehensive and will serve as your Companion Guide throughout this whole process.

andrea

April 20, 2018 at 11:23 pm

Hi,
I had a relationship for 3 years and out of the blue he broke up with me, we were living together and I had no place to go, so we lived 4 months in different bedroom, I moved out from his house in February, and after few days I started my NC.
He deleted his facebook profile, when I was in my NC he changed his What’s pic for one with both of us (just for a couple of hours) and then he changed his pic for one alone again.
I finished my NC after 33 days and I contact him by What’s.He replied immediately and then we engaged in a conversation for a while, after 2 days I sent another msg in his What’s and I always finish our conversation.
Should I keep all the time starting a conversation, what I suppose to do it?
regards

Chris Seiter

April 21, 2018 at 1:29 am

Hey there Andrea…..The idea is to slowly rebuild attraction and there is a process you go through by using text messages and then leading up to a meet-up in a public, neutral place, etc, etc. If you have not picked up my ebook, “Ex Boyfriend Recovery”, you really should consider it! Having an actionable blueprint on how to handle things is useful, which is why I wrote it. Its like a comprehensive Companion Guide. So go check that out by visiting my website Menu/Products link. It seems that you are making some inroads, but these break up situations can be fragile, so having an overall plan of attack would optimize your chances. Good job in getting through your NC. I hope you used the opportunity to work on your own healing as that is important!

Dani

April 20, 2018 at 6:04 pm

Hi Chris,
I was dating a guy exclusively in Paris for several months where we had so much in common from our quirky/unique backgrounds to same interests, values, no games, that I really saw it going somewhere.

Although I knew he was interviewing for jobs, he didn’t make it clear that his goal was to move to a german-speaking market. The second he got this job (hour away by plane, 3.4 by train) that doesn’t start for another 2.5 months, he ended things, telling me that i was the “full package,” but that “for now, long distance seemed to difficult…”

I responded saying that I had considered him the full package and that I really have no expectations, but would like to continue seeing him, at least while he’s still in Paris. He never responded, which shocked me because there was only good in the relationship and no reason to just throw me away. Is there any use in texting him in a few weeks or in trying to get him back or “convince” him to give long-distance a shot? Obviously new job is a new life, and he’s extremely practical and clear-headed, but I’m heart-broken and can’t believe that I’ll never talk to or see him again, especially since he’s still here and it was only good. During the relationship, I wasn’t clingy at all, gave him a lot of space, time, etc, but I did cry when he ended things.

Chris Seiter

April 20, 2018 at 9:07 pm

Hi Dani…it does hurt when things don’t work out, so it was good you shed some tears as that helps the recovery process. No matter how this turns out, what is important is you come out of it whole, with the right perspective because you have so many amazing paths and opportunities that lie ahead of you. I know something about long distance relationships as that is how I met my wife. My Companion Guide on breakups (Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro) has a section that deals with Long distance relationships. But most importantly, if you are looking for a way to optimize your chances you need a blueprint, so go take a look at some of my ebooks and other services at website Menu/Products link as that is where I will be able to help you most!

Cece

April 11, 2018 at 9:27 pm

Hi,
I’ll be sending my ex my first contact text in about a week from now and I have two drafts set up. I’ve listened to all your podcasts and read most of your posts on texting, but I’m still stuck on which text I should send. Which of the two texts will likely elicit a positive reply? Also, I’ve broken them down into two texts but I’m wondering if I should just send one big text or keep them as 2 separate texts, hoping that he will reply.

Text A: 1) “I’ve got a confession to make…”
2) “I just binged watched (insert tv show we started watching together prior to breaking up) and I loved it! It made me think of you for the first time in a while”

Text B:
1) “So I just watched (insert his favorite movie) with a friend and guess what?”
2) “My friend loved it and reacted the same way I did 🙂 it reminded me of the first time I watched it with you.

Honestly your podcasts have been so helpful 🙂 Any help will be greatly appreciated!

Chris Seiter

April 11, 2018 at 10:40 pm

Hey there Cece! Cool name! I am partial to Text A. If you have not already picked up Ex BF Recovery Pro, take a look (menu/products section of my website). You will also see I have included coaching services and it’s also where you go to join my Private Facebook Group. Best of luck to you Cece.

zoey

April 8, 2018 at 5:41 pm

ok.he is interesting in photography and i will do my best to have some informations about to start this conversation but how long should i talk about this?? i think i could not do it more than 2 days!!
Jennifer,he is stubborn! he is just like the stone!!
Amy

April 7, 2018 at 12:33 am

Hi Chris! My ex and I broke up early March. I tried no contact and he was texting me every few days. I ignored him, signed up for my first half marathon, and started eating more healthy! However, I broke no contact on my birthday (I lasted two weeks) and we had a wonderful date, had sex once, said he loved me. But I was still resentful and we really just avoided that talk we really should have had. He continued to contact me and a week after our reuniting did the exact actions that I found and communicated I found disrespectful. I became extremely mad. Told him he absolutely had to stop contacting me and I got very accusatory (I’m guessing because I didn’t let myself recover yet. I felt so mad still!) He tried to be nice but I said to myself “I ain’t falling for this again!!!” It’s now been another two weeks. I’m doing OK but for the first time he’s been silent. He finally listened but it’s just so different than the first time around I tried no contact. I’ve had a few more nights out this time around which distracts me from the healthy things I should be doing… he still likes my social media photos and follows me. I just maybe would like to hear some positive reinforcement as his silence is actually confusing me. THANK YOU

Jennifer Seiter

April 7, 2018 at 2:24 am

I think you are doing the right thing!

It’s actually pretty common for an ex to kind of be a bit stubborn during the no contact rule. In fact, we polled our Private FB group and found that half the women on there have stubborn exes who don’t reach out.

And our research shows it doesn’t have a huge bearing on your overall success.

Zoey

April 6, 2018 at 6:01 am

Dear Chris
i am not gnatty now in comparison with before NC..i am sure now that is totally my fault because i care for things so mush silly and press on him to go away…
anyway,the last one i sent to him before two days but when i saw no response i deleted them so he could not see them BUT yesterday morning he replied my deleted messages in a neutral way too,i did not reply till the night then i sent POSITIVE STRESS FREE messages,then he replied after three hours…i do not know if it is positive thing or not?
also there is a difficulty to engage him in a long conversation…
i will end this one with him to start another with him after 5 days…

Jennifer Seiter

April 7, 2018 at 3:18 am

Was his reply positive? Even if it was three hours later I think it’s still a good sign if it was a positive response.
zoey

April 7, 2018 at 6:40 am

No,it is not positive..it is neutral;i am asking him about dental cases as excuses and he replied for helping and fixing problems only but if i asked him how are you doing;he stopped talking for this i find a difficulty to engage him in a conversations…i do not think it is a good sign!!
Jennifer Seiter

April 7, 2018 at 10:49 pm

I think its the texts your sending. Let me give you an example to help you. Let’s pretend he loves baseball and the Astro’s and you ask him an open ended question like “What are the chances Verlander will be traded next year?”

See how he might respond to that over “how are you?” Your chances for him to respond will be higher if the question is open ended and something he’s interested in.

Zoey

April 4, 2018 at 5:03 am

Dear Chris,yes i am going to write them but keep in mind my first message after nc was on 21st of March
they are
1_hey/no reply
2_I need your advice about getting visa/ fast reply and mostly positive but when he found me i am late in replying he mirroring my response and fought slightly then he sent me this message”when you change your behaviour in a good way,i will do too..i apologized for being busy for now why you blame me”…..and actually he helped me!
3_I did sth bad in my clinc help me/ super fast response within ten minutes and gave me instructions but i ended the conversation by good night and he stop replying
4_ i want your help but do not be angry/his response also fast and said it depends on what you want, and this time i told him i miss him and reminded him of two old sweet messages from him before nc and suddenly he stopped replying
5_i need your help in my seminar/no reply
6_did you read my seminar;you could not believe what happend!/ no reply
7_i saw a video that remind me of you and this makes me cry”actually the video was funny”/no reply

could be angry because i used this rule just because he ignored my long messages??? Chris! i am really super GNAT but i am trying to slow down

Chris Seiter

April 5, 2018 at 10:54 pm

So, you nailed it on the head. You are being very GNATTY!

But it’s ok. I think we just need to really work on finding a way to keep you a bit more disciplined on not reaching out to him so much.

Zoey

April 3, 2018 at 10:52 pm

Dear Chris
i followed your advice and sent to him different objects every time…at the beginning he replied when i asked him for help in case or to get visa ..i created everything but i did two mistakes first i said i miss him when i reminded him about two sweet messages he sent to me before breakup and he did not reply..then i became crazy and sent to him daily just one message but was question about the things he loved but no reply
i need your help
note:i did nc rule because he ignored me alot and iy is not serious breakup,he just hated my long,7777 messages per day

Chris Seiter

April 4, 2018 at 12:47 am

Hey Zoey,

Do you mind giving me some context. I don’t necessarily understand what you mean by “giving him different objects every time.”

I am not sure I’ve given that advice before.

(It’s possible that it’s on an outdated article that I haven’t updated yet I just want some context.)

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166 thoughts on “How To Properly Start A Conversation With Your Ex After No Contact”