Starting A Conversation With An Ex The After No Contact Rule

166 thoughts on “How To Properly Start A Conversation With Your Ex After No Contact”

Rachel H.

December 4, 2017 at 2:28 pm

My ex and I broke up around the end of October. He broke up with me and we haven’t spoken since. His mother has reached out to me once and said that she missed me and wished we could of worked it out. Lately I’ve had dreams about him and want to check on him. Although I don’t want to initiate contact because I don’t want to come off as needy or weak. I do miss him. Although there’s a 50/50 chance we will or will not work out, he has mentioned before he is not the committed type and does what he wants. I just don’t want to initiate contact since he broke up with me. Should I initiate contact or leave him alone completely?

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 5, 2017 at 7:30 pm

Hi Rachel,

if you were not active in improving yourself and in posting, that’s not a total no contact period.. do that first.. if you don’t want to initiate contact after 30 days, set a limit after that on until when you would wait for him to initiate until you move on

Rachel

December 4, 2017 at 1:54 pm

My ex and I broke up around the end of October. He broke up with me and we haven’t spoken since. His mother has reached out to me once and said she missed me and wish we could work it out. Lately, I’ve been having dreams about him and I’m not sure what they mean. I don’t want to initiate contact because it seems like I also do when we having disagreements and so on. I also know that if him and I were to get back together there’s a 50/50 chance we would or would not work out. He already said before he’s not the committed type and he does what he wants. I have to admit that I do miss him but I don’t want to initiate contact and come off as weak and needy. Should I initiate contact or just leave him alone completely?

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 5, 2017 at 7:30 pm

Hi Rachel,

if you were not active in improving yourself and in posting, that’s not a total no contact period.. do that first.. if you don’t want to initiate contact after 30 days, set a limit after that on until when you would wait for him to initiate until you move on

Unicorn

October 31, 2017 at 4:47 am

Hi Amor,
I texted my ex after 32days nc saying something like i watched a show which reminded me of him and hoped that he was doing great. To which he replied that he was doing okay and hoped the same for me( with a smiley emoji). So i took that as a positive reply and replied that i was doing good too and thanked him for the birthday wish(my bday was during nc but i didnt respond to his text then) He has not replied to my text so i didnt get around to telling him why i couldnt respond to his text during nc. A day has gone by. What do you think i should do next? Should i reach out to him after a couple of days or weeks? If yes, how should i frame my text now? If you can please give your opinion thanks

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 1, 2017 at 7:02 pm

Hi Unicorn,

You can initiate again after a couple of days and check this one:
Texting An Ex Boyfriend (The New Rules)

lucky

August 12, 2017 at 7:01 pm

hi
My girlfriend broke up with me on 17th July with an excuse/intention of taking pause and saying she doesn’t want to be in no contact so that we both could know that everything’s fine. 3rd or 4th day I was really desperate and needy and sent her like 20 SMSes in that tone which just pissed her off even more. After that I’d only reply to her texts and that was the 1st week till I realized that she needed space.
She was really really angry because the last month of our relationship I was almost abusing her, taking her for granted, sometimes being jealous on the things that didn’t even existed – to cut things short I was at my worst and a lot of new things were happening in my life in a short period of time. We were only together for 4 months but it was very intense. We’ve met each other whole families and introduced each other to our friends for the first time, which was especially big for her. Also she never brought any boy home or even made a habit of him sleeping over which were the normal things. If we exclude this 6-7 fights that we had, we were really happy. Had an amazing chemistry and overall compatibility as human beings. Of course she never opened up to anyone like she did to me and vice versa. Now, after 2 weeks of this on/off no contact (we would only text each other every 3-4 days) we’ve met on 31st July and broke up for real. At first she was cold (and I was weak trying to stay strong) but when we got to her house to pick up my stuff and say goodbye to everyone she started crying and basically fell to pieces with the last words:”I can’t believe I came with one feelings, now I have the opposite. I don’t believe this the end of us…” So I accepted the reality and tried to move on. And then got her text on 6th August. She wanted to see me. In the evening I called and we agreed I’d come in 2 weeks (20th August) because of our schedule. Day after my bus came earlier and I texted her if she could meet me for a quick talk before her work cause the bus station is near her workplace. We talked lightly, laughed, were positive, although she was more nervous and hugged me out of the blue and ran away to work and on the last step she turned to see if I was still there which I was. That was the last contact on 7th August.
Now my question is: should I ignore her and our agreement about my stuff (which I don’t need) and do the 30 day NC till 7th September or do some kind of shorter version or even something else? Because on some other places I’ve seen advice like don’t do the full NC if you did it on and off before.
So 20th August would be a month and some change of our break up, or 20 days from real cutoff. Now I know that I’ve been weak (before and after the breakup) and stupid and I feel sorry for her like a person because she’s a good girl, hardworking and caring for everyone. She didn’t deserve that kind of behavior, but also I’m aware what I’ve done and my mind is clearer than ever and I’m having these great happy changes exclusively because of me – because I don’t want to be cranky or bad-tempered like I sometimes was in the past. And that’s a big step for me. I’ve really opened up to people, started exercising meditating, laughing more and of course I know that I don’t need anyone to make my life full. It would only be a shame because we have a chance for making it even more beautiful together if we’d give it a shot one more time. But also I’m prepared for any outcome. I see both paths I can take and I’m totally fine with both of them. I only want this to have an ending, so that’s my only confusion.

Sorry for the essay

hope You’ll respond

cheers

EBR Team Member: Amor

August 13, 2017 at 7:22 pm

she’s trying to friendzone you.. you should stick to at least 30 days of nc.

Linda

July 25, 2017 at 3:37 am

Hi!
My ex and I broke up about a year ago. He’s the one that ended things so I was devastated but in general things ended on good terms. We didn’t really stay in contact thought and as of now we haven’t had any contact for over 6 months. Ive been waiting hoping he’d reach out to me but because he hasn’t Im ready to just take the leap and reach out to him. I was reading this article and I found it very helpful but I was wondering if I could apply all this with snapchat instead of texting. Snapchat seems more casual and I’m going on an amazing trip soon and I thought during that would be a good time to initiate. So I guess my questions are…should I use snapchat or would that be worse than texting? Also is this trip a good time to initiate or no? And lastly if you do think snapchat is a good idea and this trip would be a good time to do it what would be a good opening snapchat to send?? Thanks for your help!

Linda

August 2, 2017 at 6:46 am

Hi! So I I ended up snap chatting him yesterday. It was a picture of something during my trip that I though was cool and I presented it so it could seem like just a mass snapchat that just sent to everyone. After I sent it I prepared myself thinking he probably would just open it and not respond but to my surprise he did. Not only did he respond but he seemed to want to have a conversation. He was asking me about school and what I’ve been up to and he also told me a little about whats been happening with him. This was all over snapchat and the conversation spread across a few hours however we both had stuff we were out doing during the time so it wasn’t super continuous conversation (maybe just a couple snapchats every hour). Overall the convo seemed really nice and although I hoped for it I hadn’t expected us to have an actual conversation but we did. When the convo seemed to be reaching a good point I decided to end it so I made my excuse and added an “ill talk to you later” to the end. To this he only responded “have fun”. Im grateful that I got such a positive respond from him but I’m also very worried because of things that have happened in the past. First it bothered me that he didn’t reciprocate my “ill talk to you later” and didn’t really make any nod to us talking again. Second, 2 times previous to this me and him had gotten back in contact and both times I though things went really good and we had a really good conversation but then he never contacted me after them and Im worried that this time will be like the times before. Both previous times were over 7 months ago and I really want something to come of this attempt but I’m unsure of what to do now. I have to admit I was a little disappointed today that he didn’t contact me at all after our conversation yesterday. Am I over thinking his response at the end of our conversation? Should I reach out again and if so when? and am I expecting too much by having hopes he would start reaching out to contact me after we had our first convo in months? I know this i a lot of questions but thanks so much for your help! What is your take on the whole situation?
EBR Team Member: Amor

August 5, 2017 at 5:16 pm

You can initiate again. Have you by now?
linda

July 30, 2017 at 4:35 am

Ive been posting a lot for a few months now trying to be the ungetable girl but he hadn’t contacted me. Knowing this do you think it is still a better idea to wait until after the trip to contact him? Or in one of the articles about finding out if your ex is truly over you there was something about sending an innocent snapchat to your ex…could I do that while on the trip and then fully try to indicate contact after or do you think I should wait until after the trip all together? Would it hurt me at all to send him an innocent snapchat during the trip?
EBR Team Member: Amor

July 31, 2017 at 3:07 pm

If you’re sending a messagw during the trip because you’re panicking on why he hasn’t message, then dont.. That’s not a good emotional place to come from
Linda

July 26, 2017 at 6:53 am

okay Im sure I could find something on this trip that he would find cool but how do I present it? obviously with snapchat there will be a picture but with the pic do I caption..a question for him, a fact, an interesting statement?? What would work best? Also should I do initiate it on this trip when I’m out doing things or should I wait until I get home?
EBR Team Member: Amor

July 29, 2017 at 6:20 pm

After your trip because even if you haven’t talked for months, nc is more effective if you were focused in improving yourself and in posting.. Do that during your trip.. And then after your trip initiate contact.. Those are all ok styles, you know him better. So pick one that you know will get him to reply
EBR Team Member: Amor

July 25, 2017 at 6:21 pm

Hi Linda,

yeah, it’s ok to use snapchat, what about something about your trip that he would find interesting?

Rachel

July 21, 2017 at 1:48 am

Rachel here, i need your advise. my ex broke up with me since end of march 17. Since then I’ve begged/pleaded multiple times, in which he has said we’re never getting back together again. We originally even planned to have a hotel staycation on his birthday on end of April but it didnt happen. During this period, I’ve met him twice, once coincidentally a day before his bday and another he came over to get his birthday present a week later, he was happy, he hugged and thanked me. It wasnt something very expensive though. However, i continued to text him daily (about the breakup and to convince him to meet up) and he did say i was pushing him away and it would be better if i contact him after afew months. Apparently i didnt, and he got vexed and told me we were never getting back together. He also said, in may, that he was seeing someone. I thought it was a rebound and still continued to text him, we had a quarrel and he told me to stop contacting him. I stopped contacting him since Mid June, when he didnt reply my last message. I’m wondering if I should text him again after not contacting him for 30 days, but I still regularly sees his facebook/whatsapp online status. While I am trying to focus on myself, I dont know if I should do a first contact text msg or focus on myself? My birthday is next month, or should I wait and see if he’ll send a birthday greeting text? Thanks so much.

Rachel

August 4, 2017 at 12:46 pm

thanks for the reply.
i have only started posting in FB since Mid – Late July, about afew days more than 30 days NC.
I would post daily/ once every few days /once per week of friends outing and participating in gym activities and all.
I have been improving myself, healing mentally and emotionally and have been more positive after the breakup.
I’m just not sure when I should actually initiate contact, as I’m afraid it will be awkward. And I’m not sure if he will send me a birthday greeting text, since we ended in bad terms. Appreciate your reply!
EBR Team Member: Amor

August 6, 2017 at 9:25 am

that’s good.. why not try the advice above?
EBR Team Member: Amor

July 25, 2017 at 11:57 am

Hi rachel,

It depends on how much you improved yourself and how active were you in posting?

Lisa

July 19, 2017 at 12:47 am

Hello EBR team!

My ex of 5 years contacted me 7 months ago – after almost a year of no contact. First he called with an apology for how things ended and then he called me twice more and asked me to call him back. I accepted his apology during the first phone call but never responded to his other contact attempts. It’s now 7 months later and I see that he’s newly single and I’d like to try again. I sent him a general email 3 days ago saying he crossed my mind, I hope he’s doing ok and thanking him for his calls but I haven’t heard back. I know it’s only been 3 days but I’m wondering if he is bothered that it took me 7 months to reach out to him. Has too much time passed and should I text him to follow up on the email?

Thank you!

Lisa

July 21, 2017 at 5:47 am

Hi Amor,

My ex replied yesterday and thanked me for my email and said he hopes things are going good for me too. Should I start text messages in a week?

Thank you!
EBR Team Member: Amor

July 23, 2017 at 6:38 pm

Initiate again afyer 3-5 days
Lisa

July 20, 2017 at 2:54 am

Hi Amor,

He emailed me back today and thanked me for my email and said that he hopes everything is going good with me. His email was short like mine. I’m not sure what to do next. Do I wait for him to say something else or wait a week and start the text messages? I think it’s a good sign that he replied and in under a week. I know he wouldn’t have if he was in love with someone else or had bad feelings toward me.

Thank you for your help!
Lisa

July 20, 2017 at 2:53 am

Hi Amor,

He emailed me back today and thanked me for my email and said that he hopes everything is going good with me. His email was short like mine. I’m not sure what to do next. Do I wait for him to say something else or wait a week and start the text messages? I think it’s a good sign that he replied and in under a week. I know he wouldn’t have if he was in love with someone else or had bad feelings toward me.

Thank you!
EBR Team Member: Amor

July 19, 2017 at 12:35 pm

Don’t overthink.. If he doesn’t respond in a week, try the advice above and initiate a text.

rori

July 15, 2017 at 10:46 pm

is there a list of things that i should not say to my ex ???? ( like telling him im about to start dating someone els or something like that to make him react )

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 18, 2017 at 2:20 pm

if you already had a break up, there’s no need to say anything else.. if you kept talking, just tell him what’s currently happening is not working for you and you’re moving on. That’s it. and then start nc.. it would be better if you do nc now and be very active in improving yourself and in posting and then start slowly building rapport while he’s abroad..

Bilqis

July 7, 2017 at 9:28 am

Hello, Amor.

So my husband of 4 years (11 years together, I’m 30, he is 29) broke up with me in the 13th of May out of the blue — told he wanted to stay alone, he loved me as a person but not as a woman, etc. Then he moved out. Nobody knows where he lives (even his parents), he spents time playing board games with his friend (he stopped talking with our common friends and some friends that used to came to us). Since then we met two times, I begged, pleaded and cried. He answered he didn’t see a possibility for us to get back together, but he would remember every happy moment. It was the 8th of June, so I decided to go NC. After 17 days of NC I was forced to call him, because our computer was broken. We talked a bit, it seemed he was happy to hear me. Then on the 22th day of NC he reached out to me and texted I looked good with new hair colour (I post a lot on Facebook). Today is the 30th day of NC — so I texted him first, started with our happy memory and then asked, how his exam went. He answered immediately, complimented furniture I bought, then we texted a little and I ended convo positively.

What should I do now? Should I wait for him to reach out again? Should I continue NC for, maybe, two weeks? I am planning a vacation in August, so there will be a pause in texting, I believe.

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 9, 2017 at 5:16 pm

So, in essence..you actually just did 17 days.. And then you gave in and replied a week after your initial text, and texted just once again another week after that… think you should restart 30 days and stick to it
And then continuously, slowly rebuild rapport after

nicole

July 2, 2017 at 6:36 am

HI EBR team,

I am currently in NC but he texted me several times. to get his credit card, to wish me happy birthday, to get his password, and about work. one time he asked if we are cool and i replied yes. do i have to extend NC? we see each other at work and we have work together.

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 4, 2017 at 9:14 pm

Check this one:
EBR 032: What To Do If You Work With Your Ex Boyfriend

EBR Team Member: Amor

June 28, 2017 at 5:45 pm

It will depend on the topics you used.. What did you message him?
Ellie

June 23, 2017 at 9:59 pm

Hi
My ex and I broke up almost a month ago , we have had contact as we share a dog!

I will be moving town and would like to start the NC however he said that we will never get back together !

Help!!!

EBR Team Member: Amor

June 24, 2017 at 5:47 pm

Hi Ellie,
check this one:
He Said It’s Over For Good… What Do I Do?

Alicia

June 20, 2017 at 8:30 pm

How do you start a conversation with an ex who you haven’t contacted in a year? I messaged about 2 weeks ago and was told immediately that he had a girlfriend and wasn’t interested in being friends. Things ended badly between us so I wanted to make sure that there were no hard feelings. I said that I was happy for him and that I hoped that we could one day be Facebook friends again. He got angry at me then and referenced past arguments, I said that all that was in the past now but never received a reply! Where do I go from here? Will I try again or just move on? I was never angry in any of the messages that I sent, just polite!

Alicia

June 30, 2017 at 12:53 pm

Okay, I’ve just been blocked again after sending another polite message saying hi. Time to give up I think. I’m starting to think now that he’s not worth the effort and is just a horrible person.
Alicia

June 24, 2017 at 5:59 pm

Hi Amor,

Thanks for your reply. I’m still not sure what to do (after having read those articles). Would messaging (when he said that he has a girlfriend) not seem a bit stalkerish and give him the impression that I want him back? My ex is clever and a bit of a narcissist so I could see him thinking that I’m interested solely because I messaged! Also, do you have any idea why he’s still angry after all this time? Surely if he was happy in his new relationship he wouldn’t be so angry at me?
EBR Team Member: Amor

June 23, 2017 at 5:02 pm

Hi Alicia,

check this links:
How To Win Back An Ex Who Is With Someone Else
Getting An Ex Boyfriend Back After Years Apart

Bernice

June 20, 2017 at 6:15 am

Hey Chris and the team,

we broke up about 8 months ago, the reason was he doesn’t want to change. He said he is scared to enter a closer relationship, but he requested us to stay friends, which I refused as I really didn’t want to see or talk to him at that time . We did see each other every week as we attend the same chapel service, but no contact and we tried to avoid each other. During these period, he text me twice (we haven’t contacted for the first 3 months) and I did a brief reply (at that time, I didn’t know this website yet and haven’t heard about NC, but actually I was doing a NC indeed as we haven’t contacted for more than 6 months!)

weeks before I tried to text him(my first time to text him after the break up), telling him I was doing pretty well in getting over from the break up, hoping we can act in a more carefree way as we still see each other in chapel every week. Surprising me, he said he can’t face me and was used to ignore my presence already. What should I do to get him back then? Keep texting him seems not workable when he says he can’t face me………….

EBR Team Member: Amor

June 23, 2017 at 1:50 pm

But first, how much did you change and improve?

Bernice

June 20, 2017 at 6:13 am

Hey Chris and the team,

we borke up about 8 months ago, the reason was he doesn’t want to change. He said he is scared to enter a closer relationship, but he requested us to stay friends, which I refused as I really didn’t want to see or talk to him at that time . We did see each other every week as we attend the same chapel service, but no contact and we tried to avoid each other. During these period, he text me twice (we haven’t contacted for the first 3 months) and I did a brief reply (at that time, I didn’t know this website yet and haven’t heard about NC, but actually I was doing a NC indeed as we haven’t contacted for more than 6 months!)

weeks before I tried to text him(my first time to text him after the break up), telling him I was doing pretty well in getting over from the break up, hoping we can act in a more carefree way as we still see each other in chapel every week. Surprising me, he said he can’t face me and was used to ignore my presence already. What should I do to get him back then? Keep texting him seems not workable when he says he can’t face me………….

EBR Team Member: Amor

June 23, 2017 at 1:50 pm

But first, how much did you change and improve?

Bella

June 19, 2017 at 10:39 am

Hi, I saw my ex on the bus 14 days into NC. We only had eyecontact so no speaking. Do i need to extrend the no contact or can I still do 30 days?

EBR Team Member: Amor

June 22, 2017 at 2:41 pm

Nope..no need

Freja

June 16, 2017 at 5:52 pm

I’m tryng to get my ex back after a few months. I commited some mistakes at first but the last two months have been better, we text each other frequently and we are in the friendship phase, getting closer with the time. However he has a crush with another girl (he dind’t told me, obviously but I can see it through social media and I know they have some kind of friendship). She lives far away and has a boyfriend but I guess she likes having someone chasing her. My ex seems to be blindfolded and I don’t know what to do to being the one to him again… It is being difficults enough gaining him back step by step, and now the things were better than ever after the break up but that girl…I don’t know how to making him forget his fantasy ( crush and “seeing me” again.

Freja

June 19, 2017 at 10:14 pm

Thank you Amor, I found it very interesting. I have already tried the NC and it worked, since then we got better and he isn’t distant as before. I will try that “push and pull” advice for after NC. And… I know (because we kinda talked about it recently…a few times) that he is still attracted to me (physically). Of course didn’t told me directly and he didn’t propose having sex or something like that but…he let me know that he keeps finding me attractive and “sexy” (and he didn’t see me during these months but I got better since the break up, I’ve lost several pounds, change my hair color…). So… I would like to use it in my game but without falling in the “friends with benefits” trap. I want to make him forget any crush (even if the crush is unlikely to become anything) and get him back.
To sum up: we are texting each other kinda frecuently, he wanted to remain friends and he is still attracted to me. I don’t know how to mix everything to get him back but these are the pieces…
EBR Team Member: Amor

June 18, 2017 at 7:03 pm

Hi freja,

check this one:
EBR 012: How To Get Out Of The “Friend Zone” With Your Ex Boyfriend

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166 thoughts on “How To Properly Start A Conversation With Your Ex After No Contact”