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Post categories
HS
March 9, 2015 at 5:50 am
I feel like such an idiot and that I messed up my only chance to have him back in my life. We dated for 9 months and attempted to be friends post breakup but it was painful because he still had feelings for me. I broke off the friendship in January thinking he would never move on if I didn’t, 5 days later he has a new gf.
They dated for 2 months and broke up on the day I messaged him about being in town. I feel like the word “friend” triggered bad memories and he was so upset after the breakup my message just set him off. If I was thinking logically I would have accepted the proposal to keep things shallow and infrequent then I could have built up attraction over time. Instead I was too eager to define it and he rejected me.
Jess
March 9, 2015 at 2:44 am
Hi Chris,
My and I have been broken up for 5 months now. I got a new phone and number around Christmas time. I never texted him to tell him I got a new number. So what should I do? I’ve been avoiding him on social media too, so I have no clue what I would even have to text him about.
admin
March 13, 2015 at 3:51 pm
That might work if you text him and say, hey this is Jess and prepare the right icebreaker.
linda
March 8, 2015 at 5:24 pm
Hey chris.
I have many concerns and questions, that are somewhat not related to this particular article, but it’s easier to post on the newest article around.
My ex and I stayed friends after breaking up, although we always kept fighting, but we always managed to stay friends. He got with another girl over the summer (they’re broken up now) and she used to post nasty undirect comments about me, there was a direct one at one point, and my ex was very “strict” with me, we barely talked or had any sort of contact when he was with her, and whenwe did talk, it was very short and cold. When he broke up with her, he immedately was good to me again, laughing and joking and showing kikes and comments on facebook (he was ignoring me on facebook when he was with her ) and we even started flirting again, but then it’s like one day we’re talking and it’s great, and the next he’s answering in a way when it’s like “how are you?” “fine.” No “how are u too?” Not that exactly, but you get the idea, and then the next day he’ll be joking and stuff with me and idk what to do, this is very energy conauming. My birthday is coming up soon and I would be really disappoonted if he ignored me or just said a normal happy birthday, because a) it’s him and b) i got him a good gift that he actually uses for his birthday and a while ago we were talking about it in a haha that was a cool gift sort of way. My point is, what’s the eeal with the mixed signs, what should I do? And how do i take my mind off thinking about my birthday?
admin
March 13, 2015 at 3:29 pm
Sorry for the late response Linda.
My advice is to distract yourself. Make yourself so busy with other stuff that you can get your mind off the birthday dilemma.
Olga
March 8, 2015 at 9:23 am
Hey Chris, I really have no idea what to do. I wrote to you and also submitted a question to the podcast regarding my options if during the NC my ex realized it’s best not to contact each other. So I said I was fine with it, thinking we’d have to meet eventually since we’re in the same friend circle. I also thought he’d act normally, it’s been almost 3 months since the breakup after all. My bff’s birthday is coming up and everyone is invited and he replied he wouldn’t be there for obvious reasons. Seriously? How long is he going to avoid me like that? And what’s the point? Does he think I’m such a drama queen and sth bad is going to happen if he comes or is he afraid his feelings will come back when he sees me? (That would also imply they were never gone wouldn’t it?). Anyways, I read your posts and most of the scenarios you describe have a pretty happy ending but I’d really like to now what to do in a situation like mine? When getting in touch isn’t an option because he clearly doesn’t want to, when there’s no chance in running into him because he conciously chooses to miss out on social events because of me… Do I need to start playing stupid games like having my friends tell him I won’t be somewhere and then turn up because my plans changed in the last minute? I find such set ups really dumb but it feels like there’s nothing else I can do.
Also, since I seem to post a hella lot of comments on this website, I want you ti know I’m this desperate only with you because in front of our friends I think I’m doing a really great job being a single and letting go of my lost relationship. Yesterday I made the biggest step, I unpacked the Jenga blocks I had bought him for Christmas and all the time I thought I’d give it to him someday. But we had such a blast playing it so NO REGRETS 😀
admin
March 8, 2015 at 3:17 pm
Hi Olga, I haven’t gotten around to creating a new podcast yet but rest assured they will start coming out again next week.
How long were you in NC for total?
What are we dealing with here?
Olga
March 8, 2015 at 7:00 pm
It’s ok, I’m just being impatient 😀
I was in NC for 32 days before, then I tried to contact him and you told me I should’ve ended the conversation sooner. Then after a few days I wished him the best of luck on his exams and he replied neutrally. Two weeks later I told him I wish we could stay in touch and he said he had wanted it too but then he realized it doesn’t make any sense and that it was my idea not to talk and he now finds it a really good one. And now he isn’t coming to my best friend’s birthday party ‘for obvious reasons’ (his exact words). So I’m wondering if there’s ANYTHING I can do because he can avoid me like that forever and I hate feeling helpless, I need to take action.
So the question is how do I overcome the resistance he has if I’m not able to contact/see him.
admin
March 13, 2015 at 3:33 pm
Hey, I completely understand!
Olga
March 13, 2015 at 11:45 pm
Yes it was!
I think my ex might have remembered how nicely we spent it last year and he missed me a little bit? I did send him that pic and we talked later in the evening and it was quite awkward but still he continued to ask questions so the conversation went on. Should I now wait for him to contact me first?
admin
March 15, 2015 at 4:24 pm
No, go on the attack and contact him first and end the conversation first too.
Olga
March 15, 2015 at 4:52 pm
Really? I’m a little worried he’ll think I’m too eager to talk. But you’re the expert here so I better do as you say. My roommate has an issue with her computer so I could ask him about it. Thanks Chris!
admin
March 18, 2015 at 6:24 pm
Try that out and let me know how it goes.
Olga
March 18, 2015 at 7:13 pm
Sooo I asked him about that issue and he took the time to google it haha. He couldn’t help but we started talking about something else, it was an interview again because he asks a lot of questions every time we talk. Anyways, I did end the conversation first and I said thanks for googling the issue and he said it hadn’t been that exhausting. So today I texted him on my way to work and said he could take my place at work today if he wants exhausting (i work at a candy manufacture so I told him what flavours of lollipops were to made and that I woukd take a day off cause I was ill). It was supposed to be funny but I haven’t got any response yet and facebook says READ AT 2:42 pm.
Too many details I guess haha
Olga
March 18, 2015 at 8:20 pm
False alarm, I got a response. A neutral one but still.
Thanks for reading all this anyways! 🙂
admin
March 21, 2015 at 3:07 pm
No problem Olga!
Glad you got a response.
Olga
March 17, 2015 at 10:24 pm
Okay I did it! And again he was into the conversation but I ended it (last time i admit to have lost that battle) saying it was time to sleep. So do I wait now? I’ve no problem contacting him first but shouldn’t it be reciprocated?
Olga
March 8, 2015 at 10:45 pm
Update: he wished me a happy women’s day today and then asked how I was doing 🙂 I was very surprised to have heard from him! We talked a little and then I ended the conversation saying my girls are back and we’ve got to celebrate our day but he seemed really fond on talking. I’m planning to send him a pic of my workplace since he was really curious about it. But first I’m going into a day of NC ofc 😀
admin
March 13, 2015 at 3:41 pm
Was it women’s day?
I had no idea haha.
mfy
March 8, 2015 at 8:35 am
hi chris!! great article! will this still work if we are in long distance? I am still in NC period (almost over) and I already have all the topics lined up for the text and phone call.. but what should I do to for the IN PERSON stage? Like do i wait for a few months till we see each other again? It’s gonna be a couple of months before I see him again..
admin
March 8, 2015 at 3:14 pm
Of course it will…
You might have to alter things a bit though so instead of in person you need to ask for a meet up long distance wise.
Angel
March 6, 2015 at 10:46 pm
Great, great article! I am at this point with my ex, but he was reluctant at first to meet up because he said it would be easy to/he knew he would just want to get back together with me and he was scared of falling into old, unhealthy habits. I told him I wouldn’t let that happen, that I wanted it to be a healthy thing but I did love and miss him. He eventually agreed to meet up, saying we should touch base in a few weeks about time and place. I’m scared he will get cold feet. Any advice?
admin
March 7, 2015 at 6:10 pm
Thanks Angel!
Well, I guess patience is the best advice I can think of right now to see if he actually comes on the date.
Cami
March 6, 2015 at 6:28 pm
Hi,
I’ve been with my boyfriend for 3 years and we are in a long distance relationship. We are high school sweethearts and we are both pretty young. He revealed to me at the end of January that he believes he no longer has feelings for me anymore, so we broke up for a few weeks. We decided to give it another try and on Valentines Day we got back together. I thought we were getting better, but he recently revealed to me that he still doesn’t have feelings for me. I worked my way back into convincing him to give me another chance, but I want it to work this time. I have been trying so hard. I’ve been trying not to be clingy and to give him his space. Please help because I don’t want to let him go this time and really need help. How do I get a guy to fall back in love with me over long distance?
admin
March 7, 2015 at 6:05 pm
I think you came to the wrong article for that.
I wrote a few long distance articles and this one is what to do on the phone.