How To Win An Ex Back Who Is With Someone Else- Here's What You Do!

243 thoughts on “How To Win Back An Ex Who Is With Someone Else”

Erin

September 5, 2019 at 3:54 pm

Recently my partner and baby’s father left me for a much younger girl. There is still an obvious attraction between us, he’s working away during the week but still living at home. One minute he talks about selling the house but keeps moving the goal posts. Then he’s making plans. I wish I knew where his head was at! I know he’s hurt me so much but I still don’t want to give up on us and our family. What do I do?
lia

August 9, 2019 at 7:42 pm

Good afternoon Chris,
I feel at such a loss. My boyfriend I broke up 8 months ago. To date, I’m sure why. However, he said he was going through a lot with work, his parent was very ill, and I was suffering from the effects of a bad car accident. This all became too much for him. Since the break-up we kept in irregular contact. I see his parents once a week ( as we are still friends). In the early part of this year, we started hanging out as friends. He said he still did not want to be in a relationship. But, he did try to get intimate (in April of this year). He has now been dating someone for 3 months. He said “it just happened” and he did not plan to be in a relationship.
I am devastated. When we first met, we had an immediate and deep connection. Something I have never felt in any relationship previously.
I’m not sure what to do form here.
Desi

July 28, 2019 at 4:46 pm

Hi Chris,
So I dated this guy for four years. We had a very nasty break up two years ago and were pretty much no contact and then low contact during that time.

We both got dumped about three months ago—literally on the same day—by people we were dating for a while (7 months in my case; 9 in his). After our breakups we started hanging out again, going out to dinner, texting, etc. Here’s the thing: his most recent ex just came back into the picture a few weeks ago and said she wants to work things out, so now that’s what he is doing. This was a bummer because it felt as though we were working things out, mending things, and slowly exploring the possibility of getting back together. I told him as much. He said he is in love with her and not with me anymore (though he did say he loves me and always will).

Mind you, he still texts me back and we run into each other regularly at the local watering hole but the dinners and lunches together have basically stopped, as the new gf doesn’t want me hanging around and is a bit jealous. Obviously, his time is more limited now.

What do I do? Does the being there thing work in a case such as this? Or is NCR better in this instance? And what are the odds of him falling in love with me again/convincing him that it’s worth working through the issues we had? What does it mean when I guy says I “love you but am not in love with you anymore”? Is there a way back from that? He’s responsive, so I take that as a good sign. But I don’t want to be friend zoned permanently. Thx!

Chris Seiter

July 28, 2019 at 4:57 pm

I think employing the Being There method makes sense until it does not, then NCR may be the way to go

Chris

June 10, 2019 at 6:06 am

My ex and I dated for seven months before he broke things off with me and it was a very traumatic breakup for the both of us, including a near-fatal suicide attempt from me. Almost instantly he started seeing someone that he was friends with throughout the relationship. Initially, he told me it wasn’t serious and that he still had feelings for me, about about a month ago, we got into a few fights and he went cold before admitting that they were official (until she maybe moves for school at the end of the year) about a week ago. He used to spend quite a bit of time with me after the breakup but now he hardly talks to me, aside from “maybe” making plans this week. Also, he lives down the street from me. Should I be there for him or do NC?
Laura

March 14, 2019 at 12:24 am

I have been “casually” seeing a guy for the last 2 months, with him chasing me relentlessly for another 3 months before that, but we officially ended things last night. He had seemed obsessed with me but suddenly has completely shut me out. He ended things by saying he doesn’t want to feel any attachments or commitments and thought we were less serious (?!). This doesn’t involve another girl, I kinda think he might’ve just been spooked that he was catching feelings and chickened out. We met last night to return belongings and talk, but he just politely reiterated his desire to not be in a relationship. It wasn’t malicious, but he knows he hurt me.

Since it wasn’t serious, the Being There method seems to be more appropriate than NC, but how do I even start that? He hasn’t initiated contact in weeks, we don’t have reason to be seeing each other very often, and I don’t want to seem desperate by suddenly asking to see him repeatedly. I doubt he will reach out to me on his own.
Lala

February 5, 2019 at 4:50 pm

Hi. Please help. I’m 32 and struggling with this situation. My boyfriend and I dated for a year but also dated for 4 months 12 years ago when we were in college. He went on vacation to visit family 6000 miles away. We were having a rough patch. He meets his cousins friend, they talk and she tells him about our problems and the process of the divorce he has been going through. She also is a divorce woman with a child. Long story short, he cheated on me, kept it a secret for 2 weeks from me when he came home. I caught him texting her and we broke up. I told him I can only forgive him if he ended it and we get help. He said he doesn’t want to lose me but he can’t stop talking to her. He needs to see where this goes (she lives 6000 miles away) because she understands him and they have similar situation so I left. We didn’t talk for 3 days, met for dinner and had a heart to heart. He explained why he had to explore this 6000 miles feelings as he was once in this crossroad with his exwife but he chose his ex wife and she divorced him. So maybe he felt like it was history repeating itself? And he needed to pick the other girl for the sake of his curiousity? He says he still has feelings for me. He started crying a lot when we reminisce about the past year and our dreams we had. Anyways, to wrap it up. I still want him in my life. I know I wasn’t an angel and I was at fault for many of our rough patches but I miss him and want him back. I feel like this is just a thing he needed to get out of his system. I haven’t spoken to him in a week as I’m trying to ease my emotions and trying to do the NC but afraid that because he said he still wants me in his life that NC might make him change his mind. What should I do? And is this 6000 miles thing a fling?
Samantha Green

February 1, 2019 at 1:51 am

I was dating this guy for 3 months who admit he had been seeing someone else and now he feels a “slightly stronger connection” than me and wants to focus on that relationship for now. He told me we should stay connected and down the road if things don’t work out with her, he’d want to give this a good shot in a more serious committed way but unfortunately for now timing was bad. I heard all this yesterday. What should by my next steps be to get him back to me and only me?
Reah

January 7, 2019 at 1:03 am

But this he chose the kid again. Is he feeling guilty because he was caught?
His family doesn’t like the new girl. Thay want us to get back together.

Should I apply again the NCR? It’s been a week since we talked. But he said he loves her and afraid that in the future he’ll realize that what if the one he really loves is me. I don’t know what should I do.

Chris Seiter

January 7, 2019 at 4:39 am

Seems like that would be a good choice along with making use of a sensible ex recovery plan.
Chris Seiter

January 7, 2019 at 4:39 am

Seems like that would be a good choice along with making use of a sensible ex recovery plan.

Reah

January 6, 2019 at 1:50 pm

Hi Chris,

My ex and I dated days ago. We broke up because of LDR. When he begged there’s a girl that became his safety net. He chose this girl 3 months ago. I did NCR. But, they became official a month ago. Why did he ask me to go out? The way he treated me is like when we are together. Can’t take his eyes off me. Took care of me. But he was caught, long story short. He chose the girl. Is it because he is feeling guilty or because this girl is near him. They dont need to be in LDR. BTW his new gf is 18yearsold and my ex is 27 working.

Chris Seiter

January 6, 2019 at 8:06 pm

Hi Reah!

Seems he has gotten better in touch with his feelings. and the NCR helped awaken that.

Angel

January 1, 2019 at 2:29 pm

Hi! I’ve been contacting my ex bf once in a while. He is already dating someone else so I only send simple text openers and he always respond to my texts positively but we never really progress to conversations. Since it’s the holidays, I got gifts for everyone in his family (we were together for 9 yrs). I really have no bad intention, it’s just a simple token of gratitude to them. I mentioned it to him via text but he replied that there is no need for gifts and that he is sorry because he is not comfortable with it. How should I answer him back? I don’t really want to ruin this so I want but I’m not sure how to reply. His family already knows about it and is expecting it already. How should I go on about this? Thanks!

Chris Seiter

January 1, 2019 at 5:29 pm

Hi Angel!

Just give him some time to process it, then you can bring up the topic again considering his family may be expecting gifts from you. Some guys need time to get use to certain things…run it through their mind to consider a different notion

Jill

December 18, 2018 at 7:15 am

Hey
I was with my ex for 11 years (since we were 16). We had just bought a house together when I found out he had traveled 5 hours to meet up and sleep with someone he met on the internet. He then left me for her. They barely know eachother and live 5 hours apart.

He’s very hot and cold with me and is not interested in small talk. We only talk about bills and house stuff, he moved out. Sometimes he’ll crack jokes, other times he’ll be cold and mean. Not sure whether no contact or “being there” is the right thing?

Chris Seiter

December 19, 2018 at 2:31 am

Hi Jill….I am sorry you ex is behaved in such an irresponsible way. I am thinking NC is the path forward.

K

December 2, 2018 at 7:33 pm

Me and my boyfriend was together for a year and we broke up nearly 2 weeks ago due to us both saying we couldn’t see a future together and ended on good terms. I immediately changed my mind and became a txt gnat and went to a pub he usually drinks in but now he don’t want anything more to do with me and has become so angry with me. I think he may have been talking to other girls whilst we were together and I have reasons to believe he’s dating already which I’m finding so difficult to deal with. We’ve been in NC for 2 days but this article has confused me as I don’t know wether to apologise and “be there” or stay in NC. Please help

Chris Seiter

December 3, 2018 at 9:37 pm

Hi K!

Those are two different strategies…NC and “Being There”. Though sometimes you can employ a limited form of NC, while living up to the spirit of “Being There”. Based on my read of your situation, I suspect that NC would be a better match for you right now. And I have tons of eBooks and other resources that can help you understand how to get the most out of that approach. But remember, it starts with a focus on your healing….you being the best “you” and doing it not for him…but for yourself.

claudia

May 12, 2018 at 12:05 am

Hey so my ex and I’ve been together for 9months and we’ve been broken up for 2 1/2 months and we’ve made small talk but he wasn’t making that much effort and he told my best friend who he’s friends with to tell me to leave him alone because it’s getting annoying when I never constantly texting him and well he’s in a relationship already. But the thing is it’s with a girl who in our highschool (we’re in college now) well she would fight with a girl for a guy and would skip school to sleep with him and her last boyfriend she cheated on and well he knows that but it seems like he’s gotten dumb or something because he’s a smart guy but the decision he made with going out with her….. well I don’t know what he’s thinking…. I guess he doesn’t care anymore or is just filling a void of loneliness but what should I do? Will he ever realize the good he’s lost? Should I just keep trying to be an ungettable girl

Chris Seiter

May 12, 2018 at 6:18 am

Yep, Claudia…be the ungettable girl…but do it for yourself, not him.

Monique

April 18, 2018 at 5:08 pm

My and my ex have been broken up for 4 months. We just had a baby dec 1. We were together for over 2 years and living together for one year. Shortly after I had the baby we got evicted from our apartment I moved back in with my parents and I found out he moved in with a girl he’s cheated on me with in the past. Now they are in a relationship. He says he’s only with her because he was nowhere else to stay and only loves her because she does a lot for him and she’s more mature than me but he’s not in love wit her. His birthday just passed and he hung out with her instead of me. I feel like I’m losing him to her. What should I do? I really want to be with him and be a family with our baby. We’ve been talking everyday and I see him almost twice a week but recently I told him that it’s only best if we talk strictly about our daughter. It’s been 2 days and I haven’t heard from him

Chris Seiter

April 18, 2018 at 10:23 pm

Hi Monique! I am sorry this guy said such mean things to you. I thing you are right to to lay down some groundrules around the relationship. Him staying with this other girl is his choice, but it is clearly not something you tolerate. He might be bummed out about what you told him, but your are sticking up for yourself and that is good.

Natalie

April 11, 2018 at 12:44 am

My ex and I have been broken up for almost a year and half and we have had limited contact throughout this time. We were together for 2 and half years and had both met each others families – we tried to have baby but the chances were very slim and we broke up about a month after this – we had been probably on tenderhooks for about 3 months before this so probably shouldn’t have gone through all the hormone treatment. I found out 4 months ago (although I suspect he has been seeing her for about a year – apparently on and off). I have kept up contact more than him but about a month ago he sent me a photo of both of us (all loved up) and for about 2 weeks we were texting every few days (no phone calls though). Then I tried to call him and he did not return my call. I ended up sending him quite a long text saying how confused I was about the recent texts and that if he still had feelings for me that he should let me know, that I don’t need a commitment I just need to know if I should completely close this chapter – I also advised that I’d be ok with whatever the response is. He responded with an equally long text advising that it wasn’t his intention to send me mixed signals that he does not mean anything by it he just thinks of the good times we had and sends a pic or text. He also said he wants to be friends but can understand if I don’t. He then mentioned he is seeing someone but it’s not in a good space but then re-iterated he wanted to remain friends. This someone I’m sure is the same girl he advised he has been having an on-off relationship with. He finished the text by saying he wouldn’t be “disheartened” if he didn’t hear from me after this text he will just know my decision and ended the text with Take Care.

Should I respond to this text or just leave it? I don’t know if I want to be friends because really we aren’t if it’s just random texts every month about something that reminds us of our relationship – I feel if I don’t respond it still won’t close the door, but I could be wrong, my intuition tells me that he will still be in my life but I always had this niggling feeling that he’s not the type of person that can deal with challenges.

Chris Seiter

April 11, 2018 at 2:47 am

Hell Natalie…I suspect he was feeling you out. After all, you both have a lot of history together. A short response is probably fine. But if the text messaging takes that turn where it is just monthly little check-in texts, I agree, you may not want that in your life.
Natalie

April 12, 2018 at 1:35 am

Hi Chris – thanks for your response. I just re-read what I sent to you and thank you for being able to decipher some of my dribble! I’ve decided not to respond. I deserve better.
Chris Seiter

April 12, 2018 at 3:05 am

Best of luck you Natalie. There are some good ones out there. You know better now what to look for.

I.S.

March 20, 2018 at 2:58 am

Hello I need some advice. My BF cheated, I told him to leave, he wanted to be friends, i said i couldnt be friends. I went back on my word more then once, even going as far as giving an ultimatum, choosing for him to just end it after he wouldnt make a choice. Then i went back on it again.

He moved in with this first, quick, within a week. They had been sleeping together for 5 months and they’ve known each other for about a year. I know her too and work with her, he use to work with her too. They kept in contact through video games (i played with them)

My BF and i were (are?) best friends though. We have done everything together for the last 6 years.. hiking, camping, fishing, working.. we’ve worked 3 different jobs together., video games etc.. we were always together. I started giving him more space and he started giving me more space the last year or 2.. we stopped working the same jobs, we would go hang out with other people.. but we always did the things that brought us together, together.

Anyway, she bought him a new phone, but he kept the one he bought with me (different numbers). At first i played the crazy GF but it never drove him away, he came over every day I asked to talk, he answered my calls and texts.. Now the emotional talks are over (after about week 2 they were). But we still text and occasionally talk basically every day.. He initiates about 75% of all the conversations.. rather they be about movie trailers, his crappy day at work, his family, all random things. But he only texts or calls me when the other girl is at work (remember we work together so i know her schedule) and only on the phone that is on our plan together.

Basically what I’m getting at is.. I’m at a point where it’s been a month in a half now, the texts and calls are constant but i’m thinking he is content with it being just like that.. He told the other girl he wanted to be friends with me after we broke up, but he is clearly trying to hide that we communicate back and forth so much.

All of his very sentimental stuff is here too, pictures of his deceased mom and father and other family members, clothes, his furniture that he had before we moved in together, his snakes, all here.

Strictly NC isn’t really an option as we have bills together that he still pays for (credit cards, car insurance). But I have been thinking about NC with the strictly business talk only aspect and quiet possibly not sure if that would be needed as bills come once a month around the same time..

What I’m getting at is.. I’m not content with thinking he is content.. But the whole always being there is what I want to be at the same time. I’m so confused. and hiding our conversations makes me wonder even more. Should I continue the being there and being a presence always, or should I NC him and see if his messages change?

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 25, 2018 at 4:24 pm

Hi IS,

How long have they been together and why do you sti have bills with him? He is content with the situation. Either you’re friends with benefits or that’s where you’re heading..

M

March 6, 2018 at 11:19 pm

ALSO: I know it says within 2 months, and I keep thinking where do I start the timeline? While I left him (actually in September not August), we started behaving like a couple, said we loved each other, were intimate and on the road to being together (he and i were both very excited to be the way we were with one another) seeing each other almost every week or other week, talking day in and day out. But the emotional ending happened 1 month ago. And I don’t believe he was over me in the slightest in January, he was way too emotional and said he loved me and kept asking where the relationship was going in December. So do I start the time line then? Or September? Or one month ago? I can’t tell if this new girl is a rebound or not. Please advise!! I’m freaking out! thanks!
M

March 6, 2018 at 11:16 pm

Question: No Contact + Rebound??
Hello! I’d really appreciate your help on this:
Boyfriend and I were involved for 3 years in a very serious committed relationship. We discussed marriage, moving in and were very serious about it, he even bought me a promise ring. (We would have been in a relationship 3 years in two weeks). I broke up with him in August because we were butting heads too much for the last 9 months (little did I know it was because he was depressed) He begged me to come back.

We started dating again in October but I kept saying we couldn’t be official/exclusive (because I was afraid but he didn’t know that). He was very excited, as was I and (although it seemed otherwise on my part) neither of us dated anyone else and he was very adamant about that; that he was only focusing on me because “the girl he loved was back in his life”. It was rough because we weren’t communicating. He slipped and said he loved me and then one day we both admitted it to each other. But when he asked me “so now what” I got scared and said we still needed time. He took that as we’re still not exclusive. Bad communication. He started to put up a wall after that and on New Years we got into a stupid fight. He got mad at me and blocked me for one month (January-Feb) Where he refused to end it (even though I begged and said just say something at this point even to end it) and held onto my things this whole time. One month ago (feb 5) I asked him to come by and give me my things (he was a little petty but I apologized for what I did wrong and he softened) He cried, he said it was a shame, that we could hang out one day and be friends, he unblocked me and opened communication. Said it doesnt always work out and when I said not ever? He said I don’t know, not right now. He said “there’s a difference between loving someone and caring for them but wanting to remove yourself from the cycle.

Two weeks later it was his birthday. I wished him a happy birthday and he thanked me, saying he appreciated it Since then I’ve tried implementing No Contact.

Now it has been a month since he brought me my things, two weeks since his birthday/last spoke. On his birthday, he thanked a girl for making his day special and posted a picture of a cupcake I assume she gave him in an apartment I know isn’t his. Now A month later, a friend of mine who works with him says it’s going around the office that he plans on making this same girl his official girlfriend via social media this week or next week; that they’ve been talking since January! He couldn’t have given himself time to grieve.

Please advise: Is this likely a rebound? I tell myself he couldn’t possibly establish a strong connection so soon. He’s also 30 and I am his third girlfriend, he takes relationships very seriously so this seems left field. Before me, he waited 9 months to get into another relationship.

Should I still do no contact? I know the articles say waiting too long gives them time to get closer. What should my next step be? Please help, I still love him very much and wish we could make this work, especially knowing it was always lack of communication, never lack of love which we both admitted.
Confused

February 27, 2018 at 3:33 pm

Hi, Amor, In response to your question Yes, he knew I still loved him. We haven’t spoke in 8 days but as I said he still spams my e-mail saying things like “Why can’t you be an adult and be my friend?” etc. Yesterday I got 8 e-mails basically saying the same things… I am continuing no contact.

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 28, 2018 at 12:38 pm

Hmm..either he’s playing dumb or you’ve been friends for so long he doesn’t think you still have feeling for him…yuo, continue nc..

Confused

February 26, 2018 at 4:50 pm

My ex and I broke up about 3 months ago… I did everything wrong stuck around was available… we continued talking he continued telling me he loved me but that we were over… Just recently I found out he was seeing someone else fairly recently I believe despite still telling me he loved me a few days earlier. (He even cancelled plans to a mutual party we are attending bc he knew I would be there) I have been on NC for a week. He messages me almost daily… sometimes one message sometimes 7 …. saying he doesn’t understand why we cant be friends…. and asking why I am ignoring him. What do you think about my chances? I feel like he’s sending me all sorts of mixed messages… He even sent me a picture of a memento from our first date a couple nights ago… I actually blocked him on all social media accounts because he was becoming a text gnat now he just spams my e-mail.

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 27, 2018 at 2:33 pm

Hi Confused,

does he know what you feel about him?

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243 thoughts on “How To Win Back An Ex Who Is With Someone Else”