I like writing articles that challenge me intellectually.
This is one of those types of articles.
Most of you are here for a reason.
You want your ex boyfriend back.
Thus, it makes perfect sense that your greatest fear is your ex boyfriend killing any chance you have of a happy reunion.
How can he go about doing this?
Easy, with one simple phrase,
“I don’t see us getting back together”
Hmm… perhaps I wasn’t specific enough for you.
Ok, here is a quick role play in which I am going to act out your greatest fear about your ex boyfriend.
For the purposes of this role play we are going to pretend that I am your ex boyfriend (YAY ME!)
The two of us have been dating for three years and then one day you come home and notice me on the couch with a very depressed look on my face.
“What’s wrong?” you ask me.
“Sit down… we need to talk” I say to you with the same depressed look on my face.
Over the next hour I tell you that my feelings aren’t what they once were.
Things have gotten stale…
I just need a break from “us…”
In other words, I break up with you on the spot.
Over the next few weeks you slowly but surely work your way back into my life and try to convince me that us getting back together is a good idea.
You are relentless about this. In fact, so relentless that you start to get on my nerves.
Every single day it’s the same old story…
You try to convince me that our relationship is important and that we should get back together.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
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“Look, I don’t see us getting back together so stop trying to convince me.”
….
….
….
OUCH!
Well, today we are going to explore what an ex boyfriend means when he says that phrase to you.
The Way This Page Is Going To Work
I’m going to be honest with you.
I don’t do this very often.
Usually when I write one of these mammoth guides I like to focus on big picture ideas.
For example, I am sure you are familiar with my guide on how to get your ex boyfriend back or how to ask him to be in a relationship with you. Those are very popular situations and each of those guides cover a wide variety of topics within them.
It’s not often that I write a guide around one specific phrase. However, that is the case with this guide as I am going to be dissecting what a man means when he tells you,
“I don’t see us getting back together…”
So, since this guide is deviating from the normal way I write it should be common sense to assume that the way this is going to work is going to be a bit different than normal.
In other words, I have decided to divide this page up into two sections… or parts… or.. whatever you prefer.
Actually, now that I think about it I think I am going to go with “parts.”
So, there is going to be a part one and a part two.
Now, I know what you are wondering.
“What the heck are these parts?”
Good question, in order for me to explain that I must first explain the two commonly held beliefs that women have when they hear,
“I don’t see us getting back together”
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What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizTwo Beliefs About “I Don’t See Us Getting Back Together”
How can I put this…
There are two train of thoughts when it comes to the phrase we are dissecting today.
Thought One- My Ex Doesn’t Want To Be With Me… Right Now
Thought Two- My Ex Doesn’t Want To Be With Me
Now, I am tempted to explain what each of these train of thoughts mean but that’s kind of the point of the whole article here so I am going to hold off on that.
Above I mentioned that I have decided to format this page so that there are two parts to it.
Do you see where these is going?
Part One = My Ex Doesn’t Want To Be With Me… Right Now
Part Two = My Ex Doesn’t Want To Be With Me
Now, since the goal of this guide is to teach you about the mind of a man who says, “I don’t want to be with you right now” I am going to give you my thoughts on what is going on in the mind of a man who says this phrase in each of the parts.
Part of the problem that we are dealing with here is the fact that everything is very situational.
For example, a man who has just gotten cheated on is probably more likely to mean “I don’t want to be with you” than a man who hasn’t.
That’s kind of why instead of giving one set answer to what it means when a man tells you that he doesn’t see the two of you getting back together I am giving you both sides of the coin.
Lets start with part one!
PART ONE: It Means That He Doesn’t Want To Be With You… Right Now
Like I said above there are two parts to this bad boy.
In this “part” we are going to be focusing on your ex boyfriend meaning he doesn’t want to be with you… right now.
So, for those of you who are confused take a deep breath.
The way this works is pretty simple.
Your ex boyfriend tells you the generic,
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quiz“I don’t see us getting back together.”
But what does he really mean?
Well, with this “part” he does mean what he says but only in the current moment.
The Importance Of “Right Now”
Take a look at the phrase above..
Hmm.. maybe I should be mores specific.
Ok, take a look at the phrase below,
“It means that he doesn’t want to be with you… right now.”
Notice the bolded part?
Those two little words, right now, mean A LOT.
They are the difference from your ex boyfriend actually meaning what he says and not meaning what he says.
The best way I can describe this is by taking a look at a workout.
I know that sounds weird but bear with me here.
I really enjoy going for a workout.
Why?
Because I feel like I am accomplishing something and after the workout food tastes like 10 times better.
So, lets say that I go for a really hard workout.
Lets say I do something insane and am in the gym for something crazy like 4 hours and I end up losing 5lbs from that one workout. After I am finished with the workout I think to myself,
“Man, I have nothing left to give.”
If you were to ask me in that moment,
“Hey Chris, would you like to go out for another workout?”
I would definitely say no especially if I felt I had nothing left to give.
However, if you were to ask me the same question a few days later when I am feeling healthy I would definitely say yes.
The two little words,
“Right Now”
Work in this way.
Just because your ex boyfriend is saying something like, “I don’t see us getting back together” to you doesn’t necessarily make it true.
Hmm… perhaps I should expand on this.
Why An Ex Saying “I Don’t See Us Getting Back Together” Doesn’t Make It True 100% Of The Time
“Two words. Three vowels. Four consonants. Seven letters. It can either cut you open to the core and leave you in ungodly pain or it can free your soul and lift a tremendous weight off you shoulders. The phrase is: It’s over.”
Maggie Richard once said this about breaking up.
I have found that it is very true.
As I am sure you are aware going through a breakup is one of the most painful things that a human being can experience.
I mean, breakups are often associated with,
- Pain
- Anger
- Crying
- Depression
- Loss Of Appetite
- Physical Harm
- Withdrawl
Last time I checked everything I mentioned above is very negative.
I guess my point is that breakups have a lot of negatives associated with them and a person doesn’t just get over a breakup in a week or two. Heck, I have seen some cases where it takes a person YEARS to finally move on.
So, let me ask you.
When you take an ex boyfriend who is going through a highly emotional time during a breakup and listen to him say,
“I don’t see us getting back together”
How likely is it that you think he actually means what he is saying?
I mean, of course he doesn’t see the two of you getting back together RIGHT NOW because RIGHT NOW his life sucks.
He is going through a breakup after all.
You remember my cool example about the workout above?
Well, I look at an ex boyfriend saying that he doesn’t see the two of you getting back together like you asking him if he wants to run a mile after he has just run a marathon. Of course, the answer is going to be no in the moment.
However, like with most relationships a lot of this all boils down to timing.
If you were to re-approach the situation at a later time and push the right emotional buttons you may find that he has a different outlook.
In other words, “right now” usually means,
“Maybe Later.”
A Case Study Proving This
Here is something I haven’t done before.
Today we are going to take a real life example and show you how you can’t always take everything your ex boyfriend says “in the moment” so personally.
I want you to meet Sarah.
(That isn’t really her but I figured you would respond better to an image of her so I found this picture to hold as a place holder.)
Sarah is just like you.
Her boyfriend broke up with her citing a bunch of lame reasons (most of which aren’t true.)
Like all women in her position Sarah was faced with a choice.
She could desperately try to win him back or she could give up and move on.
What do you think she chose?
If you guessed “getting him back” then you would be right. Of course, Sarah wasn’t too clever in how she tried to get him back. She made most of the mistakes here and ended up pushing her ex further away.
That’s when something amazing happened.
The heavens parted…
Angels sang…
And God brought her his most powerful ally when it comes to breakups…
ME!
All kidding aside Sarah ended up finding Ex Boyfriend Recovery and implementing the advice found here.
Slowly but surely the advice started working.
Oh, perhaps I should mention that the two of us communicated for a while through the comments section here. In fact, I believe she even went as far as to buy my PRO system. So, we did have constant contact throughout this hard time in her life.
It might also be relevant to mention that at one point early on her ex boyfriend did mutter a version of,
“I don’t see us getting back together ever…”
What did he say exactly?
To be honest I can’t remember 100% what he said but it was probably something like,
“Look Sarah, I like you a lot but I don’t think we are right together.”
You get the picture.
So, here is the question I submit to you.
Do you think he meant it?
Well, the only sure fire way that Sarah could find out was to try my strategies and see if she could get him back.
Guess what…
SHE DID!
So, what we have here is a case where an ex boyfriend claims that he is never going to take you back and then his actions suggest otherwise.
Speaking of actions…
Actions Vs. Words Theory
I am a big believer that actions speak louder than words.
I know…
I know…
It’s not necessarily the most earth shattering insight but it kind of explains the case study above.
For example, Sarah’s boyfriend told her at one point that he didn’t think that they would be together. However, after a few months go by he ends up getting together with her.
Does this make him a liar?
Why yes it does…
Above I explained my theory on why this phenomenon occurs (remember how I said that breakups are extremely emotional and cloud people’s judgement?) Well, I don’t want to spend too much time talking about the lying right now.
What I would like to do is focus in on the actions vs words theory.
What is the actions vs words theory you ask?
Actions Vs. Word’s Theory– Instead of getting hung up on a mans words I want you to take words out of the equation entirely. I want you to take a look at his actions only since they are the true test as to what he is really thinking.
Lets zone in on the situation above with Sarah and her ex.
What was Sarah’s exes words?
“I don’t see us getting back together”
If Sarah was smart (which she was) she would completely disregard this and instead of obsessing about it she would just focus in on his actions AFTER he said it since they are the true test.
Ok, lets do that now.
What was Sarah’s exes actions?
He took her back
So, what we have here is a situation where the actions and words don’t agree. Of course, it just so happens that them not agreeing worked out for Sarah in this case.
What’s the point of me teaching you this theory?
It’s to teach you to not react to him saying “I don’t see us getting back together” immediately.
That’s actually the worst mistake you can make because you’ll be amazed at how many men can change their mind down the road but you can’t right them off right away for that to happen.
Of course, there are always those cases where your exes action may match up with his words.
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PART TWO: It Actually Means He Doesn’t Want To Be With You
If you recall I have divided this page up into two different “parts.”
These parts are meant to represent the most common train of thoughts that women have when a man tells them “I don’t see us getting back together…”
In part one I talked a lot about the fact that there is a strong chance that your ex boyfriend may not totally mean it when he tells you that you guys aren’t going to end up together. Well, in part two we are going to take the opposite approach.
I am going to list out the warning signs that you need to keep an eye out for if your ex boyfriend actually means what he says.
There is nothing worse than putting your heart and soul into something only to have it not pan out in the end.
That is exactly what I want to help you avoid in this “part.”
Look, I would be doing you a disservice if I sat here and told you that there wasn’t a possibility that your ex could mean what he says when he says the “get back together” line.
There is…
However, I am going to teach you the warning signs that you need to look out for to determine whether or not trying to get him back is a waste of time.
I guess we should start off by talking about a concept that I just talked about.
Actions Vs. Words Matching
It’s kind of weird.
Usually when we talk about actions and words matching we want them to match.
For example, when you have an ex boyfriend who gives you mixed signals and says something like,
“We will be together later.”
You want his actions to match with his words because it means that eventually you will indeed be together.
Unfortunately, that is not the case in this situation.
If you have an ex boyfriend who tells you that he doesn’t see the two of you getting back together you want his actions to say the opposite.
But what if they match?
What if your ex boyfriend tells you that he doesn’t want to be with you and his actions also point towards that?
Well, in that case things aren’t looking so good for you since it probably points towards the fact that he actually means what he says.
But what are some of the “actions” he can take for him to actually mean his words?
Action #1- He Ignores You Permanently
Lets say that your ex delivers the patented “I don’t see us getting back together line” and you take a very pragmatic approach to receiving the news.
Rather than reacting in the moment like so many other women do you decided to lay back and study his actions.
Your first way of testing the waters is reaching out to him with a friendly text message,
You wait a few minutes… no response.
You wait an hour… no response.
You wait for a full day… no response.
“Hmm… it looks like he isn’t going to respond to me. That’s ok, I will try again at a later date” you think to yourself.
There’s just one problem.
When you do try again at a later date he still ignores you.
In fact, every single time you ever reach out to him he ignores you.
As a general rule no response/attention from an ex is the worst thing that can happen to you.
No, seriously…
I would rather take negative attention over no attention any day when it comes to this game.
Let’s move on to our next “action.”
Action #2- He Is Insisting That You Won’t Get Back Together… A Lot
This isn’t an action per se but if your ex boyfriend is persistent about the fact that the two of you won’t get back together it can turn into an action.
Confusing huh?
Allow me to explain.
Imagine that I was your ex boyfriend and I told you that we weren’t ever going to get back together.
Of course, you being you, you decided to completely disregard what I say and continued to try to win me back.
Now, me being me continued to tell you that you had no chance.
In fact, I must have said this to you over 10 times.
If I am saying something to you that much it becomes an action.
Why?
Because there is a pattern to it and I consciously created that pattern.
In other words, I consciously took the action of building that pattern.
Action #3- Your Ex Starts Dating Someone Else
Some of you may be shocked that I am even mentioning this since I have put together extensive guides on how to get your ex back if he has a new girlfriend.
So, why would I recommend that women try to win back their ex in that case and not in this one?
Well, this is a little bit of a different situation.
Why?
Because of the fact that your ex warned you ahead of time that he did not see the two of you getting back together in the future… ever.
So, him taking the action of finding someone else is indicative that he might actually mean what he says.
Now, I do have a bit of good news with regards to this particular situation.
There are some very rare cases where he will date a new girl just to spite you.
For example, if I was your ex and was hurt really bad by the breakup and I went out and found the first girl that would date me I would be doing it to spite you. It just so happens that we call this a rebound relationship.
Rebounds are not what I am talking about here.
I am talking about when your ex boyfriend legitimately moves on.
In other words, enough time has passed for him to be over the breakup and be serious about someone new.
I guess what I am trying to say here is that if your ex is in a rebound relationship we aren’t going to count that as an official relationship.
Get it?
Sam
July 21, 2021 at 8:32 pm
Hello, me and my ex split 2 months ago. We were in a weird spot at the time where we weren’t together but we where if that makes sense. I was away on work for 2 months and she was telling me how much she missed me, we were always in contact. I got back and we had made plans twice but she bailed both times. It lead to a very short conversation on her part and all she told me was I don’t see us getting back together. She has not responded to anything I’ve sent and I haven’t heard from her since that message. It has left me in a confused state of limbo. I don’t know what went wrong. I poured my heart out and no response. It’s been a month and a half since I last tried to contact her.. I don’t know I’m just lost and looking for advice
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
August 6, 2021 at 11:33 pm
Hey Sam, so I would suggest that you follow a no contact rule for at least 30 days
Sara
July 18, 2021 at 11:06 am
Hi team,
My ex broke up with me 3 weeks back. Our relationship had a lot of fights but we always decided we loved each other a lot to keep trying.
Then he said he could not take the fights anymore and said he does not see a future with me
He blocked my number and i went no contact for a week. Then broke NC, made a few break up mistakes you mentioned and even went to his place to talk to him. We got back only for him to breakup again in 4 days (it was a very bad one and he said super mean things to me)
I am in NC since 10 days and he blocked me in most places.
What can i expect?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
July 20, 2021 at 9:53 pm
Hi Sara, as you are blocked you are forced to complete a 45 day NC and work on yourself in that time. As for what to expect, I cannot predict anything for you. If he reaches out to you for conversation regardless of which media he chooses you must ignore him.
Amber
February 25, 2021 at 12:11 pm
My ex and broke up February 2 and immediately he started dating someone new, he ignores me he tells me we’re never getting back together…do I still have a Chance ? I still really love him
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
March 4, 2021 at 5:57 pm
Hi Amber, I cannot predict if you are going to get back together or not but you can work on yourself during your 45 day no contact and read more articles to understand how this process works.
Kaitlain Ott
February 24, 2021 at 4:28 pm
My boyfriend and i broke up in january and we didn’t talk for a week, he began to text me and say something about us getting back together and i didn’t really say anything about it. well in february we began texting and i asked for him back and he said he would think, i begged and told him how much i loved him only because he said we broke up bc he thought i didn’t care and took him for granted. a couple days ago he said his answer was no for right now . i really love him and don’t want to lose him . i texted him 2 days ago and asked if this was really what he wanted and he didn’t respond. he says he still loves me but doesn’t know if we are right for eachother.
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
March 7, 2021 at 5:48 pm
Hi Katilain I’d suggest that you follow a 30 day no contact period after your last conversation with you ex
Nicole
October 4, 2020 at 12:16 am
My ex of three years and I broke up about two months ago but haven’t seen eachother since the beginning of July because of the pandemic. He has me blocked on everything except one email address, so he isn’t looking at my social media and I can’t see his. I finally got him to talk to me today and he won’t tell me if he has slept with anyone else or is seeing anyone, but has told me several times both when we broke up and today that he does not want to date me ever again. He doesn’t reach out to me but said he hopes we can be friends one day. Is there any chance of us getting back together with some time?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
October 5, 2020 at 11:08 am
Hi Nicole, for your best chance to get your ex back you need to start following the information this website gives and the program, starting with no contact. Work on yourself and prepare your first reach out there are so many articles here to help you through
Rosie
July 27, 2020 at 4:15 pm
I was dating this guy for a little over 2 months. We met online and we hit it off right away. When we first met things were so great and I felt that real connection. Comes to find out he got out of a 2 year relationship 6 months ago and she ended up cheating on him. So I don’t think he was ready for a real relationship we spent A LOT of time together during those 2 months and I spent a lot of time with his family also. We got into little Arguements that he was annoyed about but with spending so much time together you’re still getting to know one another. When I met him it was unexpected… I got out of a really toxic relationship where my ex had put his hands on me and cheat on me and I dealt with it for a year so I’m slowly recovering. And I tried to briefly explain that to him. But the way it ended was that he wanted “space” and from knowing each other within 2 month why would you want space? I’m thinking… ok he just wants to take a step back and no see each other as much… nope he didn’t wanna talk to me for a few days… and I don’t like that because as a female I’ll think the worst out of things. He threw it in my face that we don’t have much in common. We fight too much (which we really don’t).. just a bunch of excuses. We went from fun adventures to not speaking and the way it ended was TERRIBLE. Yes I over reacted because I didn’t know what was going on and I didn’t want it to end. So I kept digging for answers and it just got worse. The last thing he said was “we are past every point possible we’ll never be anything”… but he was angry for the past 3 days of us fighting and I didn’t say anything after that. My heart hurts a little from a short period of time because he said he wanted me out of his life for good… but the whole day he was just filled with rage and I don’t know if he meant it. I care about him but he said him and I would never work… which I don’t believe that’s true. He just didn’t know how to communicate right. But I wanna make this right and I wanna give him time to cool down and not reach out. But does he really mean what he said? Cause I hate to think about it …
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
August 6, 2020 at 12:17 am
Hi Roise I think that you moved too quickly and he was not expecting to spend so much time with you so soon. I would suggest that you follow the no contact and reach out and slow things right down this time around. To be arguing so soon into a relationship is not a good sign either, it is a sign that maybe you are not as compatible as you may thing
Emma
June 15, 2020 at 5:06 pm
Weve been together for 5 years. We both have a child each. About 2 years ago I hit really bad depression, like real bad. In my own head I blamed it on him, I couldn’t ever talk to him without him getting defensive. I broke it off. We never left each other tho, texted talked on the phone, I was looking after his child whilst he worked. We ended up slotting back into a relationship without falling everything through. The past yeah I have be trying to fix my depression and I got better but not enough. We stopped having sex, I stopped seeing to his needs. He did try so hard to save the relationship. I found it all too much, he was trying way to much and ended up pushing me away. I ended thing 6 weeks ago. It was obviously on his mind as he was fine with it and said we can be friends. Didnt fight for us. The first 2 weeks I barely contacted him, then i realised i had made a mistake, that all the thoughts and feelings I was having towards him was down to my depression. I got straigh on the the doctors and now on medication and having cbt therapy. In the 2-4th week we met up a couple of times, I helped him move some stuff, he even came round for a film night. A couple of days later I got frustrated as I was putting all the effort into this new ‘friendship’ (trying to be friends with the hope we could find our way back) I tect him and said you’re the one that’s wants this friendship yet I’m the one orcastrating it. He replied saying he thought that was unfair and cant see us being friends going forward. I told him that I am still in live with him, that i couldn’t be just friends with him. I said we should cut it all off completely. We ended up agreeing to give each other a couple if weeks space to see how we feel. Well yesterday i texted him, started as nice small talk, had a kiss at the end of each message. I told him that if it’s ok it like to tell him some things i want him to hear. It all came out. Basically saying I’d made a massive mistake, that I dont want us to go back to what we were but to take things slowly and see how things go. He said he doesnt feel the same way. I ended up begging him to take me back. 2 more times he said he cant see a way back, he drained himself trying to save the relationship. I text him this morning to apologise for begging, that I shouldnt have done that to him. I said I understand where he was coming from and that I have now realised where I had made my mistakes. I asked him to not block me out completely. He replied saying that he doesnt want to hurt me and I dont deserve it but he has to do what is right for him deep down, then said there is no chance of us happening again, it’s just the way it has to be. I’ve text him back saying I understand where he is coming from and I respect his feelings. And agreed maybe too much has happened but asked not right now but maybe down the line if we could be friends. I havent had a response yet, I text it 20 mins ago. Do I have a chance at getting him back if I give him more space? My line of thought is that he hasnt once said that he doesnt want me to fight for us, he didnt say we cant be friends (yet) he hasnt once told me to stop trying (when I begged him last night) do I have a chance?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
June 15, 2020 at 9:10 pm
Hi Emma, so you begging and fighting for a relationship that the other party does not want to be in at this moment… forces their decision and makes them stubborn to stick to it as you are trying to force them to do something they do not want to do (at the moment). You need to go into a 45 day No Contact and from there you work on yourself, showing your ex that you are living your life and not sat at home waiting for a call from them. When you have completed your 45 days you start to reach out, but the reach outs need to be in line with what Chris advises in his articles. So be sure that you read through as many articles as you can that apply to your situation, you will find that they help you so much through the process
Polly
March 13, 2020 at 7:10 pm
My ex broke up with me just over 5 months ago. We had been together for 6 years and had finally moved in together to start our first jobs together in a new city after both being at medical school for 5 years- something we’d been looking forward to all that time. It was a stressful start and I was very anxious but we were still there for one another although he had pulled away from me intimately and had started to show less care towards me. I asked him what was going on one day and he just said he didn’t think we should be together anymore and was very upset but still wanted to be best friends and continue living together and seeing our families etc (we had both been very close with one another’s families). I found this difficult and was extremely upset so after a few weeks I asked him to move out for a couple of weeks to give me some space but we agreed he’d move back after that. However he never moved back in. He still messages me fairly regularly but nothing flirty or hugely significant and we see one another regularly at work and through mutual friends. I know he still cares about me as he still mentions me to friends and talks to me, says things that imply he cares, offers hugs and is still paying all rent and bills for the house and leaving half his things here despite not living here. He also drunk called me once which he has never done in the past and this was after he had believed I had been on a date but I didn’t answer to hear what he would’ve said. He’s never been a jealous person but he has brought up when a few guys have been interested in me as though he is a little jealous. When his grandma died he said I was the only person he wanted to talk to about it and was very thankful I was there for him. I have tried to not message him first and have been acting like I’m fine and going out and having fun and sometimes even being cold or ignoring him. However this week I asked if he would come round to talk through things through as my friends and family convinced me I needed to ask him if there was any chance we’d get back together. We had a lovely evening together catching up and having dinner and he said he was proud of me and how independent and strong I’d been and then I summoned up courage and asked if we’d ever get back together and he said he didn’t think so but then cried a little and said he felt sick about it. I asked if he could answer some more questions for me for closure and he said it’d been heavy discussing that and could we leave it another night? Which I felt was quite unfair. I said he shouldn’t be the one crying about it and he said ‘you told me you were upset when you broke up with others in the past’ so I said I was but for a few weeks not 5-6 months! He hasn’t been with anyone else at all since we broke up and neither have I even though it’s been nearly 6 months. He says he’s trying to find himself and work out who he is. He had felt depressed at the time of our break up but says he’s feeling better now. I’m so heartbroken and I miss him so much but I have been trying to carry on and be strong and enjoy life. I know I need to pull away and do as much no contact as I can and try and go on dates with others to see what else is out there but do you think there’s any chance of us ever getting back together?! I still really feel in my heart that he will regret it at some point because I know he used to truly worship me and everyone used to tell me how lucky I was because they’d never seen anyone care for another as much as he did for me 🙁 I just can’t understand why his feelings seemed to so suddenly change for me. I thought it was him feeling depressed and our big life changes but that has all settled down now and it seems he still feels the same way 🙁
Liz
January 4, 2020 at 11:01 pm
My ex and I broke up after 1.5 years and living together. She broke up with me, because of small insecurities and anxiety. However for most of our relationship is was good and very healthy. No yelling, no anger…I applied the no contact rule after she moved out and did not talk to her until 21 days of no contact that she reached out and asked for some of her other stuff back. We talked some (not about the relationship) but she grabbed her stuff and left But before she left I asked her if after the holidays she would want to get together and chat. Throughout the holidays we talked some but it was on and off, no relationship Chat and even revealed she could still see my location from my phone. Then when we finally met up and talked and I explained I wasn’t sure if I could be friends but I would try…and that she wanted that cause she still cared about me. However, she did say she feels she made the right choice in breaking up and doesn’t see us getting back together. She says she still is trying to move on and deal with the break up but however only loves me as a friend. We also stopped sharing locations, because I think she realized it wouldn’t be good, knowing my whereabouts. When she left it was a weird exit, and not a good one in the sense that we had talked about the uncomfortable things we had been avoiding. I still love her and I want her back. Are my chances over? She’s not dating anyone and isn’t looking to. I did tell her that in the case that I met someone I would have to reevaluate our friends and possibly cut off all contact.
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
January 8, 2020 at 4:30 pm
Hey Liz, so I cant not tell you if your chances are all gone as clearly your ex is going through emotions that they are trying to deal with and ending the relationship, even short term, is actually the smart move. When someone has anxiety and major insecurities that it starts to take effect on a relationship stepping away to deal with those things is the healthiest option. So I would say give your ex that time to work through those things, when they are feeling better more than likely you will hear form them again, but if you want to try and get them back then start texting them at the end of 45 days, telling your ex that you would cut all contact if you met someone else probably wouldnt have an effect unless they were worried you were going to meet someone else while you were together. So start you No Contact ASAP and make sure you do not break this unless your ex says that they want to get back together, which you then decide if you want to or not
Panda
November 19, 2019 at 4:59 pm
Hey Coaches. About a week ago today, I was at his place having dinner and watching a movie together. The next day, we broke up. We used to get mad at each other and break up all the time but we always always bounced back together one way or another. He would get upset and text me, so I knew he cared. Then I would go over and hang out. There was lying, that was my fault. I regret it deeply. No matter what happened we never went more than 2-3 days without talking. I knew he wanted to see me because no matter what, we texted called and visited each other.
Then it became different. He did not care to text or call or ask to see me. He just said, I think we need to go out separate ways I cannot do this anymore.
When he broke up with me because I lied, I begged and cried and pleaded. He put all my stuff in trash bags, got new sheets and comforters and deleted my photos. I drove over every night/day, begging him to give me another chance. I was going through a really hard time because the rapist in my past gave me something incurable and I was just so heartbroken that my life is over because of it. He would tell me “I don’t think we are a good match, I have told you not to lie to me and you did again and again, it was just not a healthy relationship and I need to do what is best for both of us”. When I ask him to give me some time and work on myself then give us another chance, he said “I don’t know whether that is a good idea and I don’t want to predict the future I am living day by day”. When I drove over to beg, he would tell me hey I want to support you but I don’t think you should come around anymore, this is a break up and you will be ok.
So I stopped texting him, calling him, and showing up. Usually I can feel if he wants to talk or see me. Now I know, in my heart, he really does not care anymore and even told me he doesn’t love me anymore.
He is so relaxed, even happy, relieved that we are done. I am so heart broken. He usually drives 2 hours home to party every weekend, and I know it will help him forget about me.
It’s been over a week, we have not talked. Part of me feels like we really have no chance anymore. Part of me is scared he is going to move on fast because that is what he did with his last ex. Just one day, he stopped feeling for her when he found me.
I don’t know whether NO contact works in this sense. I know if I text him he will respond, but I also know it’s not a good idea to keep on contacting him.
What do you think? Him telling me “I don’t think it was a healthy relationship and I know I don’t want to be dragged back into that cycle so I am doing what is the best for both of us, and I don’t think I see each other together right now and I also don’t know wether we will be in the future”.
What should I do, he used to get on social media all the time to check my stories, Now he doesn’t, at all.
Please help. After finding out the rapist gave me an incurable disease, and him truthfully stopped to care about me and even happy without me. He called me sweetie when I showed up last week, and said he knows I will be fine soon, but he also told me he doesn’t see us being together right now and maybe not ever. I said my twin is coming in a month and would you like to meet her, he said no I don’t think that’s a good idea we are broken up.
What should I do, what does this all mean? What are my chances? My life was shattered after finding out about the disease, now I lost the love of my life. Coaches I know I should not lie and I never will again. Please help me.
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
November 23, 2019 at 11:08 pm
Hey Panda, so you are in the right place to give yourself a chance, but in doing so you need to follow the program consistently and do the work that is required.
Samantha
November 14, 2019 at 11:58 pm
My ex broke up with me two weeks ago. We were together for a year and a half. He told me he didn’t feel the same way he did in the beginning. He said he hopes those feelings come back and that is why he thought it was best to move on and go our separate ways. We ended on good terms and I drunk texted him a couple times. Later on I texted again and he said I don’t see my feelings changing anymore. I texted a couple days later saying sorry and saying I finally feel good and like i’m moving on and said it’ll be the last time he hears from me. It’s been a week and a half with no contact. I am just so heartbroken and I am hoping and wondering if he will ever get back with me. He told my friends today that he doesn’t see it happening still.. i need help and advice because i just miss him so much and i am so heartbroken. he was balling his eyes out when he broke up with me and was really upset
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
November 18, 2019 at 8:19 pm
Hi Samantha so what you are going to have to do is appear that you are actually living your life and moving on where you post through social media living your life and showing yourself happy and doing great things. Just because his feelings are not the same as they were does not mean they cant come back if you can remind him of the girl that he first met. Do interesting and exciting things. Be adventurous and love life so that he questions if he made the right decision
Anonymous
October 25, 2019 at 11:59 pm
Hi. When boyfriend was blindsided when I broke up with him and we agreed to stay friends afterwards. He carried the most weight in the relationship and I wasn’t available to him due to my schedule. He waited for me to be available for 1.5years then left. I convinced him to come back and I still couldn’t make out enough time for him which caused him to question my priorities. Since we broke up, we kept in touch frequently and he asked me why I continued to act like we’re together after I broke the relationship. After 3 months of breaking up, he stopped responding to my texts and calls. I tried NC and it didn’t work. He told our mutual friend that he’s not seeing anyone. He said that he still likes me, but he doesn’t see a relationship working between us. He mentioned that we still have the same problem since 2017, which is me not being available. I want us to get back in a relationship, but he’s been ignoring me. What do I do? I’m ready to make myself more available to him now.
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
October 27, 2019 at 8:44 pm
Hi there if you have been out of contact for more than 30 days and less than 66 days then reach out with a friendly text, if its been more than 66 days be prepared for a delayed reply or even takes a few reach outs to hear back from him
Hailey
October 25, 2019 at 6:37 am
So here’s the deal. Me and my ex girlfriend dated for 4 years and before that we were best friends. We have a house together and a lot of animals we had a whole life together and in the last 6 months of our relationship it got bad we fought all the time and I stopped paying attention to her and didn’t see what she meant about not paying attention to her. And she was very bossy and felt like she was a parent to me. Ultimately she broke up with me and it was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to deal with. She was my first everything, first love first girlfriend first kiss you name it. I took it really hard and she took it hard as well. We own a house together so we couldn’t really leave and we didn’t. So about a month passes and she starts seeing someone and it’s hard and it hurts both of us because I still love her and want to be with her but she said we don’t work anymore and we should move on. But anyways she’s dating this girl who is 15 years older than her with 3 kids. My ex is 21 just like me so this all came as a lot of course for not just me but everyone in her family as well. But I just didn’t like this girl for a lot of reasons at the time mainly because I love my ex. But with in a month of dating the girl cheats on my ex with her ex and made my ex feel like all of her suspicions and worries were in her head. While having all of these suspicions we would talk about it and watching her get so sad and hurt by someone else and I can’t do anything to help sucks. But anyways This of course I believed was the breaking point considering my ex always said cheating was the breaking point. But no after they talked she instead takes her back and moves her in to our house so she wouldn’t be around her ex and would be with her. I was mad at her for so long because why would she do that and take her back when she’s not good for you or just at all. But I’m just the “ex” so anything I say just sounds like excuses to win her back. She often will say during one of our arguments about the girl and the house that we are very different people and we weren’t meant to be together and we would never have worked and it stings to hear that but I also just brush it off because I feel like she says it so I’ll just move on. I was very depressed during all of this because of many things in my life going wrong and this whole situation. But she stayed here with her child and this all happened 6 months ago. We have all had so many arguments and fights so much so that My ex wasn’t allowed to talk to me anymore because the girl didn’t trust her enough to talk to me. And it got so bad that I recently had to move out of our house because it wasn’t good for either of us. I love her a lot and I hate to see her be with someone like this but she says she loves her and she wants us to be friends but we can’t live together anymore and go through what we have been going through again. Is there any chance she will see that she deserves better and we can be together again. I will say this I have changed in to the person I want to be and not the person I was when we first broke up and she has also changed but I’m not allowed to get to know her or hang out with her.
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
October 27, 2019 at 9:49 pm
Hi Hailey so I would say that her new relationship isnt a healthy one but you can not make her see this it is only time that will change these things, as for you getting back together you can only try to do the being there method (be your exes friend) Moving out and living your life without her in it for the short term basis may be a good thing too, this will give your ex a chance to miss you or even consider if she has made a mistake it wont happens straight away as you have been arguing so much but now you’re gone she only has the new girlfriend to fight with and guess who shes going to think about when those arguments happen
Shary
October 6, 2019 at 8:54 pm
My boyfriend of 1 year and I broke up. I can’t even believe I’m on a site like this haha. We spent EVERYDAY together, it was fun at first but of course it got into a routine. There were fights, there was unloyalty. Yet we always bounced back stronger, until 2 weeks ago. He broke up with me saying he didn’t want this relationship anymore. His friends pester him about us, he says he wants me then he doesn’t. I definitely have messed up by breaking the NC rule, multiple times. Yet I’m scared he will find a rebound or realize he’s better off without me. I have begged, I have cried. He is so firm about not being together “right now”… He ignores me then he texts me. He has all our photos still up, and my name on his social media biography. I am so confused and defeated because I just want my bestfriend back. Desperate for advice please.
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
October 7, 2019 at 8:28 am
Hey Shary, so as hes ignoring you then texting you = hes checking if you’re still an option to him. This is why No Contact is so important. You need to stop replying to him and NC him for 30 days solid… hes using that small interaction to help himself feel better while he heals. Take away his option to talk to you and he will start chasing you. even if he gets upset or angry that you’re not replying. Stick to it! Read as much as you can through these articles and the youtube channel too! It really is so much help to give you your best chance of getting him back.
Sally
September 25, 2019 at 7:57 pm
I am hoping you can help me. I was with my ex for 3 years and we have a 1 year old together. We broke up 2 weeks ago due to alot of arguments due to him working crazy hours and me being exhausted looking after the child all day.
I snapped at him 2 weeks ago and he packed his stuff and moved back to his mums.
The first week of the breakup was nasty, both saying things to eachother in anger.
I have begged and pleaded for him to come back to his family, which he said i pushed him away from and gave him no option but to leave, he says he is done and not interested anymore.
We have hung out a few times at mine while he sees the child, hes blowing hot and cold constantly and im convinced he is depressed as he is just sleeping and has lost interest in doing anything at all.
He said that he needs time to think about everything, yet he said that he is giving me a chance to prove to him i will change and stop arguing constantly with him.
Im trying to do this but he has his guard right up and wont let me in at all.
Its soo hard watching my family fall apart, is there anything i can do? We do text daily and sort of civil, but if i bring up fixing the relationship he just gets angry and tells me to stop going on and on about it.
Please help.
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
September 26, 2019 at 8:12 pm
Hey Sally, so your break up sounds similar to mine (few years ago now) So you need to complete a limited NC where you are not speaking to him constantly – let him miss you! Work on yourself and focus on how yo deal with your low energy a different way. Once your LNC is over you can start texting him again building a new relationship showing how your so confident happy and calm. I get the ‘Mamma’ exhaustion is hard. It just takes some time to LOOK AFTER YOURSELF when you get the chance
Michaela
September 9, 2019 at 3:20 pm
So my ex and I broke up after 10months of dating he said he just wanted to be friends that we were clashing too much. So I asked if we would get back together and he said I need to do me and he needs to do him for a while well he was liking my fb pictures and watching my Snapchat then stopped so I asked him if he wanted to get back together and he said he didn’t think it was a good idea that we are better off as friends then said I will find a good guy that I’m still young do you think we still have a chance or he has moved on?
sally
September 3, 2019 at 3:38 pm
my ex and I mutually broke up 4 months ago. he was leaving town. he is now back and I went to tell him I wasn’t over him and wanted to get back together. His response was it was an important year and half of my life and I wouldn’t say I’m over you but i am not in a position to get back together. what does that mean.
Rose
April 13, 2019 at 2:42 am
Hi,
My ex boyfriend and I recently broke up 3 days ago. We have been experiencing several fights due to his constant negativity around me and due to his preference of hanging out with his friends, making me feel like I am not a priority to him. He claims that I am needy, emotional, and just someone that he does not envision a future with. I work from 8-5, and we would text daily, but I would not see him on a daily basis even though he lived 5 minutes from me. He also claims that we are not compatible. This would be the second time we broke up. The first time was year and half ago, and we got back together within hours, regretting our decision. My ex was very adamant about the break-up, this time, because I did plead for him to reconsider, but he refused, claiming he was no longer happy. I explained that we need to put more positivity into our relationship, in which, he replied that it is too late. He stated that he no longer wanted to be in the relationship. However, once the emotions died, I did ask whether there was any hope in salvaging our relationship and he said yes. Although, he did say he needed time, but he does not envision his mind changing. He promised he would contact me after 30 days or sooner if he feels. He is the type of man that is true to his word, so I do believe he will do it. We still have each other on social media. He said he has never been through this situation, so he does not know how he will react. I have not broken the no contact rule, and I do not intend to. What advice do you have, in regards to him eventually reaching out? Can he be more positive in a month and look at me in a different way?
Pam
October 22, 2018 at 10:14 pm
Hello, it’s been about a month since my ex dumped me because of “irreconcilable differences” and basically saying our relationship will never work. It hurts a lot because we both still care about each other. We haven’t talked for about a week, but we ran into each other the other day which was ok and I texted him later. We started talking but it ended up with me talking about the relationship. He said he would rather be friends and has no interest in getting back together with me ever, not that he doesn’t want to but because he thinks it’ll never work. I tried doing NC but having seen him and it being a positive interaction made me feel more confident and that’s why I texted him. But now him saying he does not want to be in a relationship with me at all ever, after over a month of being broken up and a week of not speaking, makes me feel very unhopeful for the future of being with him…
Chris Seiter
October 24, 2018 at 3:36 am
Hi Pam!
I am sorry you are feeling bad these days, but things will get better for you. Take a lot of time and space for yourself, focusing on your healing, recovery, and being the best “you”. Do all this for yourself. It discuss this and much more in my eBook, “The No Contact Rule Book”.
Maynel
August 6, 2018 at 12:03 am
My girlfriend and I broke up a month and a half ago (end of June)we kept contact for two weeks after and had sex a few times leading me to think that things could work out. Then in the second week of July she started being short with me and sometimes ignoring me. I became frustrated. I lashed out on social media (nothing crazy just some tweets) I asked her if she wanted to stop contact and she thought that it would be a good idea. Then three days later I texted her about something we ended up texting for a bit then she faced timed me and officially broke things off. Next day she picked up her things from my place. We didn’t talk for about two weeks. I FaceTimed her yesterday to ask for my keys, she seemed happy to see me, we talked and flirted for a bit and talked about her stopping by in a few days and she said she would. That same night I had an emergency with my pet and called her for help but she ended up blocking my number. Today I messaged her on twitter apologizing for reaching out to her for help with my dog. The conversation lead to our relationship and why she blocked my number. Blocked it because she was having a bad night. I ended up asking if she was still stopping by but she said that it’s not a good idea because the break up wouldn’t be “effective” I told her that I missed her and that I’ve been working on myself and I wanted her to see the new me. I ended up sending a text about sex because from the conversation the day before I thought that we were on the same page about being physical. She asked me to stop talking about sex with her, that she didn’t see us getting back together. I apologized and told her that I read the conversation wrong. She never wrote back but she hasn’t unfollowed me or blocked me on social media or her phone. I feel like she sends mixed signals. We are in a lesbian relationship btw.
Chris Seiter
August 6, 2018 at 4:37 am
Hi Maynel!
That is good that the social media lines of communication are open. You can leverage that. You will want to execute an ex recovery plan, but first you need to learn more about all of the things you can do to better your chances and to also focus on your own healing. Go visit my home page as I have tons of resources and tools for you to explore.