I Don't See Us Getting Back Together... What Does It Mean?- Ex Boyfriend Recovery

384 thoughts on “I Don’t See Us Getting Back Together… What Does It Mean?”

Sarah

March 7, 2018 at 1:35 pm

Hi,
my ex boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me 5 weeks ago and it’s been 3 weeks no contact. I just found out that through a friend he doesn’t see us getting back together and I don’t think he understands I don’t want a relationship like that with him again (well for a long time), he’s just my bestest friend and I just really want to maintain a friendship now but he’s blocked/deleted me on everything! He broke up with me because I moved 1.5 hours away for uni and I only did it because he wanted me to try this course. He originally said he just wants time to find himself without me and then re-evaluate again later but now I’m completely out of his life, left with an immense amount of false hope. He always said I deserve better but I would always tell him I don’t care if there’s better, I don’t want it… I guess that didn’t mean anything to him. I’m trying so hard to keep going with No contact but his 18th birthday is in 6 days and want to leave a voicemail (even though he won’t get it). I just need my best friend but he couldn’t care less about me anymore and it’s ruined me.

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 11, 2018 at 8:47 am

Hi Sarah,

Because he wants you to move on..You won’t be able to if you kept being friends..

Emily

February 17, 2018 at 7:03 am

I broke things off with my ex-boyfriend last year… we have been together for 8 years and long distance for 4 before I broke it off with him early last year… shortly after he got into depression and has to be hospitalize… I went to visit him couple months ago for holidays and shortly after… he has a relapse… he’s from the states where I’m from Asia… I moved back home to advance my career, while he struggled in the US… he doesn’t have a degree and was working at fast food chain… I visited him twice a year… he is a super jealous type and I had to report to him all the time and he got mad when I missed his calls and always think I’m cheating on him… aside from that my parents hate him and his family doesn’t like me… so it’s been an on-going battle… my career was going really a year and a half ago that’s when I can no longer handle the stress from him and broke it off with him and focus on my career… but now that my career is going well… I realized that I had been a terrible girlfriend to him… I was never supportive and at times was disrespectful… I was immature and my salary right now can easily provide for him and I have no problem doing that… it was a problem to me before cause I was struggling but now that I’m in the position… my perspective change and I want to get back together and build a future… but he wasn’t… he explains that he wasn’t able to provide for me, he wants a rich guy for me and thinks I deserve it… we almost got back together when I visited couple months back… he since had a relapse with his depression and move out of country and are staying with his cousins… we were fine for 2 months until 2 weeks ago, he told me he can not longer do this anymore… and today he said he does want to see other people and want me to do the same… that he loves me and I’m his best friend and that he value that more than anything… and we are just friends… that he really don’t see me that way and want me like that anymore.. He knows I still love him and wants to be with him… I know that I turned down his marriage proposals twice when we were in our early 20s doesn’t help the situation… I’m scheduled to visit him next month and now I don’t know what to do… I’m torn… I want to see him but I just don’t know if I can control my emotion… I know he is struggling and being with me hurts his ego as he said as he wants to be able to provide for his partner…and that he wants us to focus on our career and futures… I told him I will focus, be positive and supportive and that time will tell… and I will leave it at that and focus on getting myself to be a better version of myself and continue to improve… I know I need to give him his space… will I going to visit his make things worst or will he appreciated or will be ignored… I honestly don’t know what to do… at this rate, you will probably say we are better off friends… but I really want to give it another shot and I really do want to be with him… what’s your advice?… and I just found out from his sister that he has recently got a new job, hooked up with a girl and are living together… he still sort of reply my messages and I still message him like I used to… what should I do… I was so ready to go the next steps to be together… and this happened…

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 19, 2018 at 4:20 pm

Hi Emily,

Check this one:
Will My Ex Forget Me If I Do No Contact

Karissa

February 15, 2018 at 12:04 am

Hey, me and my ex boyfriend was together for a year. Everything seems to be going well when he started to distant himself about two – three weeks before the break up. He asked for a break because he was unsure of what he wanted although he said he loves me. I started to panic because I didn’t wanted to lose him ever and I fear that was going to happen. The break lasted 4 days because everyday I would just beg and cry, we ended up actually breaking up a week after. He say he doesn’t feel a connection anymore but I do and it won’t be fear to me but he loves me so much. Which broke me completely, I spoke to him after the break up and didn’t for a few days (6) and when I did it was like he completely hated me and wanted to have nothing to do with me. He told me we can be friends and friends alone bc he doesn’t want a relationship with me. I strted no contact after a month of the break up and it lasted 18 days which I broke it, the conversation was going fine and he told me how much he miss me in bed. I told him I do to which was my mistake and I give him too much of myself, he wanted sex but I didn’t have sex with him but I did told him yes. Two days after, I sent him a long paragraph saying I was done and he lost someone who loved him very much because he told me that he just want sex, no relationship. I started back no contact again and I am currently on my 14th day. He still watches my Snapchat story all the time, I try to post positive things like me going out, showing a more fun me. What do you suggest that I do further and how long should I do the no contact for?

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 18, 2018 at 11:18 pm

Hi Karissa,

That’s good that you’re actively posting.. Do posts in Fb or Insta that just stays. Be active in improving yourself too and do at least 30 days.

Nicky

January 21, 2018 at 2:44 pm

My boyfriend and I broke up two weeks ago and we were together for 4 years. Since we have had some contact, and when we have it’s been blunt. I am trying to do no contact but the last time I spoke to him he said he doesn’t see how we would be able to get back together (his mum hates me) and that if we do then it won’t be right now and for a while. I am self-loving and doing all the right things I think even though we have had some contact, but ultimately I want him back.

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 22, 2018 at 3:34 am

Hi Nicky,

Check this one:
EBR 054: My Exes Mom Made Him Break Up With Me

Mary kathryn Carlisle

January 4, 2018 at 2:57 pm

My and my ex were together 5 years. We broke up because I had mixed feelings for someone which killed him. He said we won’t be getting back together but the called to say not right now. Did the no contact broke it after 7 days just to apologize he responded positively. But I didn’t say anything back just went back to no contact

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 5, 2018 at 10:35 pm

Hi Mary Kathryn,

not really.. just make sure she doesn’t talk to him again..

Heartbroken

October 24, 2017 at 1:49 pm

So we dated for 6 years, but we’ve known each other since we were in middle school, and we are both in our mid 30s now. We both have issues that made the relationship rocky at times. He has PTSD, and was an alcoholic. I put him in treatment several times and stuck with him throughout it. We did breakup for a few months, but he kept chasing me and eventually he won and we got back together. He has anger issues from the PTSD and I have insecurity issues and am codependent. A year or so ago I had some traumatic experiences, and I began to cope with them through drinking. I became a heavy drinker, almost full blown alcoholic and at times I would get drunk and text nasty mean things to him. I was definitely struggling and depressed, but didn’t realize how bad off I was at the time. Throughout our relationship he would get angry over things due to the PTSD, and we would break up for a day or two maybe a week, then get back together.

So when he broke up with me the last time I didn’t really take it seriously at first. But this time he was adamant that he loved me, but didn’t want to be in a relationship with me. He cut contact for 2 weeks, then used a discord group we are both on to locate me and apologize for how he acted, and wanted to be friends, but still felt that we should not be a couple.

I tried being friends with him over the next month, but it was always me contacting him (1-2 week) to say hi or see if he wanted to do something. We had been best friends and had a very deep emotional connection so to go from that to him being so casual and not contacting at all really hurt. I only heard from him the day his grandmother passed away, so I brought over his favorite brownies and milk and hung with him.

He would tell me to move on, but then make comments “like who is texting you”, or “who gave you that? ” And then his mood would change to defensive. He changed from I don’t want a relationship with you, to I don’t want one with you right now, and the changes and behavior had me so confused that I kept pushing. He wanted time for us to both work on ourselves and I wanted some sort of hope that we would be together again, and I screwed things all up.

I ended up telling him that I couldn’t be his friend, and if he wanted me to move on I would have to walk away completely. He was very hurt, but let me walk away. Two days later I woke up in a panic as I do love him completely and don’t want the break up, and I called him and told him that I didn’t want to walk away and I loved him..

He got angry and said he wasn’t doing the yo-yo bs, he tried to be my friend and that I accused him of not trying hard enough, he didn’t care anymore, it was over and nothing would change his mind. He then said the conversation was over and not to call back. So instead of respecting his need for space I totally went into panic mode and drove to his house and knocked on the door, and when he didn’t answer THEN I tried calling. Yep I went full crazy lady. He blocked my number, and I had already blocked him on FB when he first broke up with me.

I haven’t drank since the day we broke up, which is over a month now. I’m in therapy, started a new diet and already lost 7lbs, and quitting smoking is next on my list.
I know he is going through a lot with the death of his grandmother, and he is studying to get a certification for a new job (been out of work for 2 years) and he is very focused on getting his life to a better place.

I don’t know if I should unblock him from FB, or what to do next. I’m not planning on trying to contact him, the funeral will be in a month or so, and I figure I will see him then. I still talk to his mom and am fb friends with her, she loves me, and wishes for us to work.

I am serious about wanting us to work, and I am putting the effort into changing myself so that I don’t keep making the same mistakes, I just don’t know if he really wants nothing to do with me, or if he is just hurt and angry and trying to deal with everything that is going on, or doesn’t believe that I’m serious about not drinking and facing my past traumas. I could use some help on how to proceed.

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 24, 2017 at 6:24 pm

Hi heartbroken,

Restart nc, do at least 45 days, stop talking to his mom, get a therapist for yourself, be active in improving yourself and in posting and unblock him..

Halei

September 4, 2017 at 4:38 am

I am not sure when my ex told me that we aren’t getting back together for right now or for good. He said we will never get back together he is done and we would be nothing more. We were going to talk and I was returning some of his stuff and I mentioned something to him about knowing what he had been doing and that set him off. Before he had said that he told me we needed some time so we can change , I asked a week later when we spoke on the phone and he said for the time being we needed space. He has said this before. We have almost been together 3 years on and off again. I am afraid he does mean it this time I have not contacted him since and he hasn’t . This happened last Tuesday and we have been broken up for 13 days now. I have entered the no contact also. I did snoop and saw he added a girl from far away and liked her pictures and freaked but I was looking too much into it. He isn’t going crazy and adding girls but I am afraid he will forget about me.. he said he’s been more productive since we’ve been apart and said I have also. He was so upset while saying this also. I’m just worried about this and I’m afraid for it being for good. I know he is in lots of stress right now as well.. he said for me to block him on everything and to delete our pictures. I know he was looking at my instgram because his name would pop up on my story so I don’t understand why he is defensive and telling me to leave him alone when he was watching me… is this out of emotion ?

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 7, 2017 at 7:39 pm

Hi Halei,

yup, it more likely is.

Hayley potter

August 12, 2017 at 4:22 pm

My bf and I dated for a year and a half. We lived together. I helped pay bills, cooked, cleaned. We talked a lot about getting engaged and our future. My bf was amazing. He has his own house, is very goal driven, has a wonderful job. My anxiety was very bad and I made him feel like I was controlling. He broke up with me over text while at a bachelor party in Nashville. I had to move out and we’ve been broken up for 2 months now. When we broke up I was devastated. I asked him if we could try again and he said he would always be open to it. He jut asked in return I give him space. I never gave him space and pushed him further away. We had big blow ups and he ever started hanging out with someone else about 3 weeks after we broke up. He was so nice when we first broke up but as time went on he got angry at me for not giving him his space. He told me he doesn’t think I’m the one for Him and that he can do better. I am absolutely devasted once again. Can I ever win this man back or have I pushed him too far?

EBR Team Member: Amor

August 13, 2017 at 7:13 pm

Hi Hayley,

check this one:
You Desperately Begged For Him Back And Failed… I’m Here To Fix That

Mary

July 25, 2017 at 1:48 am

3 years together in a serious relationship with plans to get married within next year. His kids moved in with him recently and I accepted to live all together. He broke up because he says I wouldnt be able to live with them and wanted me to accomodate and live where was more confortable for them without thinking on me and my child. 5 weeks ok NC, and he contacted a few times for business related matters, and just 2 days ago texted for the first time to ask how I was doing and had a brief chat on how the weekend was gong.
I dont know what he wants because I dont see him making any choices that wouldnt put kids confortable lives first.
lyza

July 21, 2017 at 10:02 am

After 3weeks of begging to come back with he said no..and after of 1 month of not contacting my ex boyfriend but we see each other at the office i talk to him my boyfriend doesnt move on and attracted to me. He says he misses our kiss hugs and sex.but he doesnt want to be in a commitment with me.

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 25, 2017 at 12:25 pm

Hi Lyza,

Did you follow the advice on this one?
EBR 032: What To Do If You Work With Your Ex Boyfriend

Jess

June 3, 2017 at 12:46 am

I’ve been with my. Boyfriend for 2 yrs the first 8 months we were long distance so we decided I should move… he was insecure when I was in my city so we thought it was a good idea…I left my place career and we got a place together..as soon as we moved in he changed sex stopped, affection stop and he became one of those guys that would say negative things to make fun of you instead of sweet things like he used to.. 3 months after moving in he began to say he didn’t want to be together I’d cry the first day then I’d say ok and he’d change his mind we stayed together for one yr of this uncertainty on his part until this Valentine’s Day he decided to finally leave…. he got his own place I got mine.. and even though we broke up we managed to stay in each other’s lives off and on for 2 months.. he’d comeback in my life say I love you ok we can work it out we’d have sex then he’d change again so I’d tell him leave me alone he’ll leave me alone and a few days later come right back.. this went on for 2 months until I found out he was actually seeing someone also in that 2 months.. I spoke with her they were dating and having sex once I found out we were all 3 in a room were he told her he doesn’t want her but he wants and loves me she got upset and left… I decided to forgive and forget because we weren’t really together although he did lie, his excuse for talking to her was he was trying to get over me… so now it’s been 1 month of trying to work things out but he never changed still not the man he used to be, not very sorry at all just expects me to automatically forgive and forget and I’ve tried only wants to see me on his time does call me everyday and we FaceTime at night but the affection isn’t there and sometimes when I’d go in for hugs and kisses he’d reject them with an excuse like when we lived together.. I finally got tired of it and decided to end it 1 week ago he came back via text though and we were talking but he wasn’t being very nice so i asked him why and he said he just doesn’t want to do this, that he can’t do the things I want him to do that he used to treat me like I’m supposed to that he won’t be that guy and we’ll never be together (he’s been a jerk for a while) so I said ok leave me alone forever… it’s been 5 days now he called me twice text me everyday but it’s just to ask how I’m doing I haven’t responded…I do want to get back together but the Text aren’t to reconcile it’s just him asking if I’m ok because I’m in his city alone with no friends or family starting my life over alone.. I guess my question is will he ever come around or will he forget me, will he just throw all this away, im so confused to why he changed I just don’t know there was never anyone else when we were together… I’m confused

EBR Team Member: Amor

June 3, 2017 at 3:53 pm

Standards are important because we cant expect people to change for us, if they do, it’s mostly because they know they have to because of your standards.. but that doesnt mean you will take the credit for the change.. it’s their decision..

Semira

May 14, 2017 at 8:17 pm

My boyfriend broke up with me and he said he doesnt see us getting back together so I gave him space and after three days he called me on video call and I didnt pick up but I returned the call later and he didnt pick up. When I asked if he called he said it was a mistake and I haven’t spoken to him since. Has he moved on? does he mean what he said? pls help!!!!

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 15, 2017 at 2:50 pm

not really, do you want to try the advice above?

Hopeful

April 17, 2017 at 7:38 pm

Here’s where I am right now. I’m a week into NC after my other two failed attempts where I caved too soon (9 and 12 days). He replied both times and has only initiated an actual conversation with me once, to ask my why I added a friend of his on Facebook (who’s a girl and in a relationship with another friend of his). Once I realized it made her and my ex uncomfortable, I unfriended her. In hindsight, friending her wasn’t a good idea, because it made me look like I had ulterior motives. However, I didn’t like the way my ex talked to me when he confronted me about it, as he seemed pretty rude, so I’ve been using that along with the fact that he only wanted an answer out of me as motivation to get through NC.

I’ve also been reading a lot of articles on here to try and gather clarity about my situation. The break up happened a month ago as of Easter. He told me there were better people out there for me after he gave me the main reason for breaking up with me (that there’s too much going on in his life and things weren’t working). However, when I asked if this meant there was no chance of us getting back together in the future, he said something like, “I don’t know how I’ll be feeling when things are better on my end, but I guess I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it.”

I’ve had people tell me I need to give up on him and people tell me it “doesn’t sound like things are over” and “it doesn’t sound like he REALLY wanted to break up with me.” He didn’t ignore either of my attempts at friendly conversation before I re-entered NC, but he has been liking my stuff less than he did when we first broke up. I’m trying to move forward with my life but it’s hard when I don’t know what to make of this. Please help.

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 24, 2017 at 6:43 pm

it’s ok to be afraid, it’s another thing to let it let it get to you.. be realistic.. if you’re more energized in going out alone, do that more and when you go out, be with fellow introverts

Stephanie

April 16, 2017 at 10:04 pm

He broke up with me for reasons that I still don’t understand. He told me he still loved me and 3 days later, he said that breaking up with me was probably a decision he will regret for the rest of his life. He told me about a week later he did not see us together but nothing is 100%. I do know one thing he said was something I am working on and he is aware of it. He also told me there were too many unknowns about me. Huh? Isn’t that something you learn in time? We talk via text/phone and face time daily. We even go out on dates still but he told his friends we broke up but only when they ask about met. I asked if we could do some things we used to do and wanted to do but had not before the breakup and he says “yes”. When he sees me, he is the one who hugs on me more and kisses me. I told him I wanted to be best friends and see what happens from there because we moved way too fast in the relationship previously. I told him I was not asking him to marry me and that I would not be ready for at least 1-2 years. He tells me what goes on in his life and asks me about mine when we talk. His actions at times say he still feels the same way but I do not stay over at his place like I did before. What am I supposed to think? What does this all mean?

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 20, 2017 at 7:01 pm

you’re friendzoning yourself, why not try the no contact rule instead?

Lauren

April 7, 2017 at 1:35 pm

My boyfriend and I were together for just over a year and recently we broke up because he didn’t want anything long term and wanted something different. He said he felt like he was becoming a different person and not himself. He wanted 7 days of space and so I gave him that. Two days later he texted me and asked to hang out. I said yes. We have been hanging out every day since then and it is very couply and romantic but also he stops himself st times and says this is weird. He has also told me numerous times that he doesn’t want to get back with me. I’m not quite sure what to do. Tonight I dropped him home and a friend of ours found out about us hanging out. My ex’s behaviour immediately changed from affectionate to cold. He told me he wanted to be alone for the remainder of the night but prior to this he wanted me to come up and hang out. What do I actually do..

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 9, 2017 at 6:01 pm

Hi Lauren,

check this one:
The Friend Zone: What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Just Wants To Be Friends

Tina

March 12, 2017 at 9:17 pm

My boyfriend broke up with me a week ago. We continued to be intimate for a week and today he told me is sorry he has led me on & it was wrong of him. We are staying in our 2 bedroom place for the remainder of the 10 month lease. He is just going to stay in the other room. I have been a little emotionally abusive just because I can’t seem to stop getting irritated or angry at him for small things. I can stop for a couple months but then revert back. I want to work on myself and be better but also, am hoping maybe it will work out with my ex in time. He told me we are not right for each other but do you think he will ever change his mjnd? We want to stay friends after the sexual tension has passed. I just want him to be happy. We are going to act like roommates.

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 15, 2017 at 9:29 am

Hi Tina,

follow the advice on this one:
EBR 027: What To Do If You Live With Your Ex Boyfriend

Tina

March 12, 2017 at 8:45 pm

Just wanted to double check my comment went through

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 15, 2017 at 9:29 am

Hi Tina,

follow the advice on this one:
EBR 027: What To Do If You Live With Your Ex Boyfriend

Tina

March 12, 2017 at 8:38 pm

My boyfriend & I were together for a little over 3 years. We just broke up & are going to continue to finish our lease at our place for 10 months. He broke up with me & ive been having a hard time. I would get angry and irritated with him all the time until he couldn’t take it anymore. I just want to know if there is any hope. I know he still cares about me and We were intimate for a week after the break up to which he apologized and said he should have had more self control since he was leading me on. He has moved into the separate room & we will try to act like roommates. I know I need to work on myself to even get to the point where we might try again but he is saying we aren’t right for each other. Any chance he could change his mind?

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 15, 2017 at 9:29 am

Hi Tina,

follow the advice on this one:
EBR 027: What To Do If You Live With Your Ex Boyfriend

Krysten

February 14, 2017 at 1:28 pm

Hey, love all the articles on here. However, most cases I noticed it right after you break up. What if you waited a couple months already and you guys talk as friends however now you’re implementing the no contact. Is there a page that suggests how to get him back then? Also he told me he still loves me and misses me and will always, so a lot of the stuff I see on here is if he doesn’t say those things…

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 14, 2017 at 9:14 pm

Hi Krysten,

what about this one:
Getting Him Back After A Year (Or More) Apart

Sarah

February 7, 2017 at 5:40 am

Hi,
My ex and I were together for 5 years until suddenly he broke up after we did not see each other during vacationtime. He said he fell out of love with me and he cannot even remember when he loved me the last time! But 10 days before i asked him if he sees a future with me and he replied – of course! I want 4 children!
When he came back I asked him about moving in again for 5 days a week (he moved out bc of money issues and bc of our fighting). He said yes he wants to move in but then looked sad. The next morning he was sad too then cried because of his dead grandmother? And when I asked him to work on himself by seeing a therapist for his anger issues (we both agreed to wirk on our individual struggles before with a councelor to improve our relationship) – he broke up with me. Saying he started thinking in the vacation that he is not happy in his life and the next thought was that we dont fit together. It was horrible – be both cried for like an hour. The thing is we have so much in common and he is also going through a life crisis with serious visa and money issues.
We tried couple therspy and it worked but the week we stopped it was the week he broke up.
Now, i did not contact him for 20 days then i broke it couple times with positive messages about great things happening in my life or if he wants to come out with his friends and myself.
He completelly ignores me and we haveva vacation booked in 5 weeks.
What should I do? He is my life and I am committed to work on myself – we went through a crisis before and fixed it but this time it was a real break up 3 weeks ago. What should I do???

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 7, 2017 at 8:02 pm

Hi Sarah,

if he’s ignoring you, start over the count and stick to 30 days.. if he initiates a talk about the vacation, talk about it but only about it.. better if you say that you’ll think about it and get back to him when its near..that way you can talk about it after the nc period

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