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384 thoughts on “I Don’t See Us Getting Back Together… What Does It Mean?”

  1. Kelsey

    December 17, 2016 at 1:17 pm

    I was in a relationship for 2.5 years. We lived together for the last year of the relationship. I was very insecure and would start issues over small things. I became very unhappy, we began fighting a lot and eventually broke it off and moved our separate ways. I realized my silly mistakes cost me the relationship. I began working on myself for myself and I’m in a much better place. I did no contact for a month and a half. Ended up contacting him to apologize for how we had ended things. He had been trying to contact me (I had him blocked on everything) for weeks to tell me about a death in his family. We’be been in contact for a few weeks now, we’ve had dinner and drinks as well which went great. I felt that things were moving positively and so I brought up the idea of maybe us hanging out and dating and he brought up an array of excuses “don’t you think that we have tried?”, “you don’t want to live where I do” (that not being true at all), etc. I’ve never gotten upset or angry at him in fact I’ve said I respect his opinion. However, something is telling me to not give up. He is very up and down and must be confused. At one point he said I don’t want to consider getting back together and yesterday he had said “give it a year and maybe ill see you’ve changed”. I know I won’t wait around for a year. I’m willing to let some more time pass but I won’t be a doormat. Is there any hope for this situation? Or should I just leave it alone? My heart and head seem to be telling me to keep trying but it’s very confusing. Any help is appreciated!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 20, 2016 at 10:45 pm

      Hi Kelsey,

      I think it was too early too ask for dates. It should have come more naturally after building more rapport and attraction from hangouts. For me, you should move on. First, he knows you’re still waiting. Second, you’re right. One year is too long to wait and to let him know that you’re waiting.

  2. Samantha

    December 9, 2016 at 6:01 am

    Hey
    My boyfriend and I are both 20 and have been together since we were 16. A few months ago he first brought up that he thought we should end our relationship, then three weeks ago he was adamant it was over so we both agreed to go on a break and see how it goes. I told him that we won’t talk or see each other for a week, but obviously we ended up speaking, and we agreed that we’ll go on a break and let it build up then try again and it’ll feel like a new relationship. He told me that we will get back together we just need a few months apart seeing our friends and having fun. Then about a week into our break this girl who all his friends are close to started texting him, I know there is nothing going on with them and that they are just friends but he texts her all the time and has seen her at least 4/5 times, from what he’s vaguely told me. I don’t have a problem with him being friends with girls because my best friend of ten years is a guy (who’s gay). It just worries me because he says that she’s a lot of fun and he likes spending time with her, he does all the things we used to and I feel like he doesn’t miss me because she’s fun and maybe more fun than me? So we said we were going to see how it goes and he seemed positive in wanting to get back with me. Then last week things started to go bad in that we argued a little but nothing big, it was mainly just frustration on my part because I never wanted it to be over and I still wanted to try. Now he’s saying it’s officially over and that he can’t help how he’s feeling. He said that he only said about us getting back together because he was confused and now he’s not confused any more. Although he said he’s been thinking about splitting up for a few months he was the one who said we should go to New York in January and we were looking at hotels and flights, etc. Also the week before he seriously said about splitting up he told me was going to be at my graduation which isn’t for another two years. For us both this was never a silly little relationship, we talked about living together, getting married, having a family. We thought we were going to be one of the first loves who last. I’m just scared that where I’ve tried to show him that I still love him and want to be with him it’s just pushed him away more? And when I’ve given him space the last month it’s gone both ways in that he said it would work and now he’s saying it won’t. We haven’t argued, we haven’t fallen out, neither of us have cheated, it literally just seems he doesn’t want to be in a relationship before. He said he still wants me in his life, he still cares about me, he still loves me, but he just can’t be with me. Both of our families want us to get back together too. We still have things booked too, on 21st of this month we’re going to see a band we both love but now I’m dreading it. We also work together so I’ll still have to see him every week but since our split he’s not been at work. It’s also my 21st next month and we always said we’d do something big for it. He knows that I’d wait for him and that I’m not interested in anyone else. At the end of the day he’s my best friend and neither of us thought we’d have to go through something like this.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 12, 2016 at 7:29 pm

      Hi Samantha,

      You weren’t falling out of love but when he said he wanted to break up months ago, that’s a sign that he is. Right now, I think he’s in a grass is greener situation. Check this:
      The Grass is Greener Syndrome For Ex Boyfriends

  3. Lariene

    December 7, 2016 at 7:21 pm

    my ex broke up with me in aug. after that, we’ve fought, i’ve said some extremely hurtful things. even with that, he still spoke to me, responded, still told me he loved me, he just didn’t want us anymore. in oct we hooked up, i felt dirty…of coursee like the idiot that i am, i vocalized that. we argued again, i said some more hurtful things… he said he didn’t hate me but he just wanted nothing to do with me. he hasn’t responded since then. i didn’t contact him for ALMOST a month (next week would have made 30 days) but i accidentally hit send on skype.. i texted him after that and told him the skype request was not intentional. but i called him the next day, he was at work so he didn’t answer. he called back later (i know that doesn’t mean anything)…i just wanted to see how he was doing and apologize for all the hurtful things i said. our phone call lasted 1min. after i said “i just wanted to check up on you…..” he said “ok, bye”. so i texted him what i initially wanted to say. he didn’t say anything back. i love him, i miss him, we had a great relationship, i was just insecure and didn’t appreciate him. i made him pay for other’s mistakes…i’m angry and i know why he left..but i think i’m more sad that i’ve lost my best friend. what do i do? is he gone forever?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 11, 2016 at 5:56 pm

      Hi Lariene,

      how much did you change and improve since you started the no contact rule?

  4. Grapes 001

    December 4, 2016 at 8:36 pm

    Hey, my boyfriend ended things yesterday because he’s sick of our petty arguments. The frustrating thing is after he petty argument I ran to fix it, and he was rude. He then messaged saying sorry for being rude and I text him so,e pretty hefty texts explaining how I would never talk to him like that and how he said he was busy but he’s fine talking to everyone else as normal. Anyway he ignored me for 2 days which is not like him. When we finally spoke he said he was tired of the petty arguments, and couldn’t see this working. One day before this argument he told me he wanted to move in with me and we were planning our Christmas together. After we hung up I asked him how he’d feel if I was with someone else and if someone else was kissing me. He said he wouldn’t like to see it or think about it. I asked these questions to make sure he fully understood the break up. I haven’t replied since he replied and I don’t plan on it either. It just shocks me how he can plan a future with me one day and say he wasn’t bothered to contact me the next. What do you suggest? We work together so I am definitely going to look to move elsewhere and I am going to try focusing on me and begin happy. I just don’t understand the change so quickly. Help!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 5, 2016 at 12:25 pm

      HI Grapes 001,

      he must have realized that he can’t deal with the arguments once he moved in with you.. if you work together check this:
      EBR 032: What To Do If You Work With Your Ex Boyfriend

  5. LaurieC80

    December 1, 2016 at 4:56 pm

    Hello,

    So my ex dumped me a little more than a month ago. We had a fight over moving in together and he wasn’t ready. Well, i probably pushed too much in the last few months and it drove him away. However after the fight we both talked about our future together and even though he wasnt ready to move in just yet after us dating 2 yrs, he said hed like me to move nearby him…its cheaper and currently i have roomies so he couldn’t come over. So he was excited about me getting a place near him. I told him though i can afford to pay monthly rent, saving for deposit was difficult for me as a single mom. He was mad that i didn’t ask him for help sooner. But he said hed help me with a deposit and that if i ever needed assistance in the future to never hesitate to ask. After all that he seemed fine, i asked him if we were good before i left that night, and he said he thinks wed have a stronger relationship after talking and resolving this. He told me he loved me very much and could not wait to see me in a few days.
    Just 5 hrs later i get a text saying we were over. For several days after i pestered him and begged etc. Id go a week and send him more angry texts. Mostly with no response. Early in November i asked for my stuff and he wouldn’t answer. Finally i made the mistake of asking if i needed to get police involved to get my stuff back and finally he responds. We chat over text i asked him if he loved me he says not anymore. I ask if there’s a chance to reconcile he said hes “made his decision “. I told him i loved him and he said thats my problem. That was Nov 7th. I haven’t heard from him since and ive stopped trying to reach out goung on 3 weeks. I really want to talk and get him back. We had a great relationship where we rarely fought. Ive never had such a good relationship. And now it’s gone. We’re not kids im 36 hes 45, im hoping time and space heals….but im losing hope. Hes very stubborn and i dont think nc or any thing else will bring him atound. What should i do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 2, 2016 at 12:57 am

      Hi Lauriec80,

      at this point, for me, 45 nc won’t help. Because it would be like you’re just fooling yourself. He knows how much you’re hung up on him.. 45 days isn’t enough to convince somebody that you have moved on. For me, you’re only chance is to look like you’ve really moved on and that you’ve improved for him to be attracted again.

  6. J. Dozier

    November 26, 2016 at 3:11 am

    Hi, my ex boyfriend of four years and I broke up two months ago because we were on different pages with marriage: he had been sure for over a year that he wanted to marry me, but I had been working through doubts and hesitations during the year and didn’t feel like I had a clear peace about it. In September, we broke up because I felt like I needed space to gain clarity to figure out what I wanted, and in that time I realized a lot of why I was hesitant. I wrote him a long letter explaining those things a month into our breakup, and even though I didn’t have a clear answer on how to move forward, I had really hoped we would get back together. I realized we hadn’t had important conversations about it, and I wanted to begin those to move forward. However, he asked to meet up a couple weeks ago and told me that getting my letter gave him more confidence to move on, and that we werent ever going to get back together. He also told me that he was taking another girl out on dates (only 6 weeks after our breakup), and that he felt like this past year had been preparing him to let it go. He unfriended me on all social media and deleted every picture, and seems to be doing just fine, while ive been having a really hard time. I have written him another letter for my own closure, explaining my hopes and intentions in the breakup and my desire at the time to be together, but also accepting his decision and telling him what I hope for him moving forward. I want to send it to him, just because I feel like I can’t move on unless he knows everything. Do you think this is a bad decision? Will it only push him further away, even though explaining that I wanted to be with him, and I’m accepting his choice and wishing him well? Thank you for your help.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 27, 2016 at 8:07 pm

      Hi J Dozier,

      It would probably put you in the chaser position, because right now, it’s clear that he just wants you to move on. So, just do it. Let your actions show that you have understood his decision and you’re moving on.

  7. Vb08

    November 24, 2016 at 2:07 pm

    My boyfriend and I dated for a yr in a half.We seemed to never fight besides little pitty stuff every now an then like oh get off your game an hang with me.We was so happy&I was told by him before the relationship his mom didn’t like anybody.She was set in her ways,an I noticed made all the decisions in the house.We was fine,until she started liking her other sons girl again.Its like she could not like both.Problems started to occur even after my boyfriend moved on his own.All a sudden he started picking fights and wanting alone time.I even fixed my issues after we broke up the 1st time,We got back together&didnt argue that whole two months,but he once again left for no reason then wanted me back.Final time he told me he do whatever,I told him to grow a pair that I was in it with him an not his family. To stop lie in over dumb things,and to let his parent know he was happy with me.She found out an said whatever he raged out on me an left that he was done trying with all the drama.Told me his feelings changed an he didn’t feel the same.I asked if we manage to cross paths somehow again if we moved on an something happend,would he never consiter even then&he said to not say never because we didn’t know the future an he wanted me to move on hoped I got over him that it was best we put in our mind we won’t get back together an for me to think that way.Didnt make sense.He offered to be friends an only hang as friends that he saw nothing wrong with it. I don’t see the point in that if he’s gonna tell me he don’t want me.He told me he didn’t want me or anyone,an that’s he’s not talked to his mom since he left me a month ago.I just kinda doubt he’s not talking to her,because he’s always listened to her.Also said multiple times that it wasn’t my fault an I done nothing wrong,an when I asked if i didnt do nothing wrong how did you fall out of love with me and if you did feel like you lost feelings why did you keep coming back?.He said for me to not ask that because he didnt even know why(as in how he supposably fell out).I have blocked him from my phone,and went out with friends as I should.We don’t speak. Just bothers me that we was so happy,until all this occurred an I felt like I lost him.We are not a young teenage couple,he is 28 an I’m 26.So I feel that’s his choice if he wants others to control him.Is he lien about loving me because whatever personal family matters is going on? Or is there really no chance after the storm passes?.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 26, 2016 at 9:10 pm

      HI VB08,

      it would be better if you unblock him but don’t add him back if you do, just unblock.. do you want to try the no contact rule?

  8. Jennifer

    November 11, 2016 at 1:12 pm

    Hi,

    My ex broke up with me 3 days ago. Throughout our entire relationships i let my insecurities grow and fought with him. I would say really mean things such as ” oh well i’ll just go f*** another guy” or that ” your a piece of shit and i hope you die” stuff that I never really meant. I think he stuck it out for so long because he was trying to see if I was going to change. I also paid the entire rent, utilities and groceries. This was also because he was struggling, and when I met him he was just starting college at the age of 25. I think he also held on to me because I would do things girls would never do for their boyfriend. I would meal prep for him. I would think of the most romantic thing to surprise him wtih. But he also said when we broke up that the good should not come at a cost. He said that ” He never questioned if i was a good woman or not and that having feelings still and knowing things don’t change is also another thing. he hasn’t rushed anything, it has been going on, Everything that was done and said nobody knows how it feels. I think this is right for now because i feel like this is how it has to be . people shouldn’t be in situations that make them doubt themselves and lose hope in things. it isn’t fair to either people. I started to feel like there was something wrong with me . I just needed to do this (breakup).” On the first day of our break up, i didn’t cal or text him, i got so agitated and tried to change his mind on the second day ( i know it was a bad move) . He moved out and everything. he says that hes not leaning towards getting back together, that he is just focusing on himself and needing to feel like himself again. He says he doesn’t know if feeling like himself again will make him stronger to recover this relationship, or to just say leave the relationship in the past and hope for a better one next time . HELP !!!! I know that i need to give him space.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 14, 2016 at 8:17 pm

      Hi Jennifer,

      well at least you know that you have to give him space.. I think you need to apologize, if you haven’t, for a clean slate and then do the no contact rule. Improve and grow, be in a new world and make new friends. Look like you’re moving on so that he wouldnt hesitate starting as friends again later on.

  9. Nadine

    November 6, 2016 at 11:07 pm

    My Ex boyfriend broke up with me 11 days ago. The day after he broke up with me, I texted him asking him if he was okay and he said that he hopes im okay too. Anyway, Since that moment, i’ve been in NC. Its been about 9 days. I really miss him. Yesterday my cousin texted him to see if he’s okay and he said he’s still cool with me and he wants to give me time to sink in that we’re not getting back together. It really hurt me hearing that because on Facebook, he still has all of our relationship pictures and he still have pictures of me in his room. I dont know what he’s thinking..does he love me or not? We’ve been together for two and a half years and he hasnt been happy with his life for the past couples months. I’ve supported him throughout his depression and he let me go. He said that I used to be really mean and bad to him but that was a long time ago. He said its hard to not bring up the past when you lost interest in someone. Im really hurt. I dont know what to do. Im still in NC and im dedicated to not contacting him but i want him back.. He’s a really close family friend and he’s coming to my birthday cause im sharing it with a cousin and I want to win him back. We were a 2 hours long distance couple and we sae eachother once maybe every 4 months. I feel like he lost interest because we barley saw eachother. I want him back. I have so much hope..Please help.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 7, 2016 at 6:28 pm

      Hi Nadine,

      so he lost attraction with you because you’re ldr? Are you actively improving yourself? Check the article I will link below.
      The Complete Guide To Getting An Ex Boyfriend Back In A Long Distance Relationship

      What It Takes To Make A Long Distance Relationship Work

  10. Lette

    October 17, 2016 at 7:11 pm

    I need help. Me and my boyfriend have been together for 2 years and have been living together. Well we broke up about 2 months ago. He just out of nowhere said the feelings weren’t there anymore and he didn’t feel the same. He also said he just didn’t see anything with us right now. So I moved but I really want to be with him but idk what to do or how to deal with this. Oh,we also have a 1 year old daughter together,so idk if cutting contact off completely is a good idea or what?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 18, 2016 at 7:08 pm

      Hi Lette,

      it’s ok to talk to him about your daughter during no contact..but only about your daughter.. check this one:
      Get Your Boyfriend Back If You Have A Child Together

  11. maria

    October 6, 2016 at 8:19 pm

    Chris..I NEEEEED your help. My ex and I were together for the last 4 years and in that time have had 4 kids together..a HUGE issue of mine with him was that he couldn’t hold a job for more than 3 months, while trying to support our family, so I ended up doing the supporting. We had a lot of great times, he made me laugh like no other and likewise, and also we had great sexual chemistry. He is 27 next month and I am 22. We have literally been through thick and thin, we’ve never cheated on each other. But due to my insecurities I have accused him of looking at other girls and finding them more attractive. (Dumb, I know) anyways, the relationship had moments where it had gotten physically aggressive on both sides. I wouldn’t label it abuse. But more like an immature temper tantrum on both parts. Well this last time was the worst physically..we were both involved and he had me arrested. Anyways, we broke up 3 months ago, and we hadn’t had contact until about 3 weeks ago. I tried my hardest not to beg. But after seeing him for him to visit my kids, it brought feelings back. We were both cool during the visit, but afterwards I made myself look dumb twice by crying to him about what we had. He keeps saying, “we both need to fix ourselves” and that he is not worried about a relationship. However, he has slept with someone already and is also partying it up and hanging with all these girls. The other night, the same day I cried to him about missing him, he had a girl call me from his phone at midnight saying something flirty to him in the background and he hung up..I later saw on Facebook the girl admitting they were trying to mess with me. I am stuck..would he play these games if he didn’t want me back? You know, out of spite? Also, when he calls my kids he is as nice as can be. Do you think he enjoys seeing me suffer? Or since he’s prideful, could he be hiding the fact that he is fighting to take me back? Also how I mentioned a big issue was him not working… He always brags about his new awesome job.. What could that mean?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 9, 2016 at 2:56 pm

      Hi Maria,

      bottomline, both of you are immature.. His actions to hurt you, is just something that’s vengeful..

  12. Michelle

    October 3, 2016 at 1:57 am

    We had been on and off for a very long time. When we actually tried breaking up we tried cutting eachother off completely except on facebook. After 4 days, my ex begged for me back, and he begged pretty hard. within a month, he had already decided he no longer wanted to be with me and he was being extra stern and more hurtful. He actually waited until the morning of what would’ve been 11 months together to tell me he didn’t want me anymore. I’m worried he might actually mean it this time because hes been trying extra hard to push me away and telling me to move on and let him go and that i’ll be fine on my own. should i restart a longer NC or do you think he’s really serious?

    1. Michelle

      October 6, 2016 at 1:22 am

      well, I’ll admit I kind of rushed things when we tried again because i was just so happy that he came back i wasn’t exactly sure what he meant by “starting over and going slow” because we’ve been together for so long. And its just really nerve wracking to see him say things like, “get over me”, “you’ll be fine without me”, or “change your mindset. Im not there anymore.” We’ve been on and off for so long I wouldn’t blame him if he definitely called it quits. I know none of these techniques are guaranteed to work but im just nervous. The only reason he even hit me up last time was because he got jealous. but i doubt he’ll make the same mistake twice

    2. Michelle

      October 3, 2016 at 1:59 am

      and by 11 months, I mean 11 months consecutively. Because except for those 4 days, whenever we tried separating from eachother we always stayed together.

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 5, 2016 at 7:41 pm

      Hi Michelle,

      You have to stick to no contact rule this time because you’re on and off. There is that chance that it wont work if you will break it once he misses you and messages you that he wants you back. Because he has to see that you’re getting tired of his actions and he has to think that you’re finally moving on. He has to think he will lose you if he will not stick to his word of committing to you. So I think you have to do at least 45 days of no contact.

  13. Sandy

    September 28, 2016 at 8:07 pm

    So my ex boyfriend and I have been split up for a week. We split up because I lied to him, several times. He is 25 and I am 23. During this week I have done the no contact rule, until yesterday (day 6.) Where my car broke down on the side of the road and I couldn’t get ahold of any of my family members so I made a post on Facebook. Mind you, he deleted me from Facebook and called me twice. I ended up calling him since he was really worried. We ended up talking for a really long time, but he still is saying that he has zero trust for me and for that reason he doesn’t want to be with me. He still said he loves me and is miserable without me. And wants me to be apart of his life.
    What should my next steps be?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 30, 2016 at 3:45 pm

      Hi Sandy.

      Just restart no contact.. See, he checks your posts. So continue to be active in this no contact and be active in improving yourself. Make it seem like you’ve accepted that he doesn’t want a relationship and you’re now moving on

  14. Ninna

    September 21, 2016 at 3:20 am

    My ex boyfriend of 3yrs left me 3 months back. Till then I did the No contact. He came to meet me during the No contact. We spoke for around 7 days where he met me 3times and he left me. Cause of few arguments that happens in those 7days, arguments were regarding a few girls , he was flirting behind my back during the relationship , that wasn’t my problem but he crossed his limits in flirting, he says he didn’t get physical with any girl till now except me ..now since he has lied so many time I am unable to trust him . He has hurted me too dam lot and he has lied also many time I over looked many of his mistakes.
    I am unable to understand his behavior. He stopped talking to me on the 11th September after which I texted him on the 20th September . Reason behind texting him was because it was our 3yrs anniversary . He replied to my text he wished me also i asked him how he was doing he said he was super busy cause of festivals exam and events. the chat was tooo formal I told him I missed him. He said let’s not go there . I asked him if we shared any bad memories he said our memories are like a mangnet to him. But he does not want to get back there.i asked him if he was dating someone else he said that’s the problem there is no girl. I told him there were so many girls you flirted with he said those are just friends. he doesn’t want a girlfriend. he asked me to move on.I told him I had ever reason to move on but I am unable to cause I still love you even with your flaws. He sent me a peace icon on wat’s app. Which meant ok enough now I don’t wana talk. he sends that whenever he doesn’t want to talk. I asked him to block me. And he did. This is not our 1st break up we have broken up hell lot of times with worst situations and he was always back. Everytime he said things like this and came back. But what is scaring me his behavior with me. And he has left our common group on what’s app and plus he stays online all day.
    I don’t understand he has hurted me he has lied to me. Then why is he behaving like this with me. How can he ignore me? Where I tried to sort everything thinking he feels guilty for what all he has been doing behind my back.
    P.S our common friend texted me saying she met him yesterday after college when they were on the way going back home he saw a Renault Car. And it reminded him of the text drive we took. He was telling my friend that. And she told me he still remembers you. What do I do to get him back. I know I have given more than 1000% in this relationship and loved more than anything. He too had told me long back I am not someone who can be dated I am someone who can be married to. He himself he told me I can’t find a person like you. What to do please help me.

    1. Ninna

      September 26, 2016 at 1:42 am

      Thank you so much for the help. It feels good after sharing everything to you. Some ray of hope. You have been so sweet and helpful

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 26, 2016 at 11:40 am

      Thank you too Ninna! 🙂

    3. Ninna

      September 25, 2016 at 4:39 am

      Cool will do it for 45 days. Do you think I have a chance to win him back? And will he want to come back again after leaving me so many times?

    4. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 25, 2016 at 2:18 pm

      because of the pattern, he will probably come back but it’s a small chance that he will stay and not repeat the pattern.

    5. Ninna

      September 24, 2016 at 9:21 am

      Thanks it was a great help from you. You asked me to break the pattern of NC. That is something I didn’t understand how do I do that? Do I do NC for 90 days? And then get in contact with him again?
      And yes it’s going to be a long process and I will not give up and do anything and everything.

    6. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 24, 2016 at 8:52 pm

      Sorry I wasn’t clear 🙂 It’s pretty long, we only recommend up to 45 days but, you’ve done it a lot of times so, I think this will be the last shot. And the more importantly, remember after that, take it slow. It’s not a continuation of your relationship. Think of him as somebody who doesn’t feelings for you and that you’re just starting out as friends and when he shows feelings for you, let him prove it first. Let him confirm it.

    7. Ninna

      September 23, 2016 at 7:00 am

      I was the only girl who he dated for so long. But in these 3yrs it’s been like 2 month or 3 months we are together and then he leaves me for 1 or 2 months and comes back. again. This has happened more than 10 times and every time I do NC. And he comes back. But it’s of no use cause he leaves. And he never gives a reason for the break up. And then during the relationship and off the relationship he has been flirting with girls and crossed his limits. I too used to flirt but I always used to let him know everything.
      My friends are fed up with us cause of the ample of times he has left me. He knows he was wrong but he still shows attitude and his ignorance towards me then when months pass he acts as if nothing happened he starts loving me does amazing things for me and then I am back to square 1 to this site for help.
      We both were very possessive About each other and still are. But when I changed and started being less possessive he was still the same. But he did everything behind my back and expects me not to react. And when I reacted it pissed him off.
      I still love him even with his flaws. I feel somewhere he too is hurt but not showing me. I tried talking to him too most of the times he doesn’t wana talk but when he does talk he doesn’t keep his words. And lies.
      My heart still loves him please help me what should I do?

    8. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 24, 2016 at 7:16 am

      There’s no permanent solution. That’s the rules of a healthy relationship.. It’s work. For long lasting relationship, both parties need to grow constantly and keep their individual lives healthy so that both parties will find something interesting to explore with each other..
      To be honest, you and him are already in a pattern and doing nc repeatedly loses it’s effect.
      The only way to give you a higher chance with him is to break the pattern. And that means really changing yourself, do not participate in the pattern, and not rushing things. It’s easy to say but it’s hard to do, especially for you that you’re so hung up on him. You’re too emotionally invested.
      Be more emotionally independent from him first. It will be a long process but you can do it. I think it will be more obvious to you that you have been more emotionally independent when you can withhold from asking him to come back, when you can let him go, when you’re not chasing him and you’re the one making him chase.
      For me, the things you need to avoid to do is to ask or beg him to work things out, be angry with him, demand and accuse him, and expect him to be inlove with you again in a short span of time..
      Be the outsider’s perspective in all of this so, that you can help yourself be more rational

    9. Ninna

      September 23, 2016 at 2:01 am

      So what should I do now?
      I am off all social networking sites cause I want to control myself from initiating contact with him and stop chasing seeing him online all the time it used to hurt me more. So ya for around a month I only want to focus on my work and not be desperate and most importantly to stop chasing him. This time I am thinking of doing NC for 90 days
      And he has hurted me a lot by doing things behind my back and lieing to me. And even after telling him I am ready to forgive you for all you did. all I want you is to te me the truth whatever you did in the past without me knowing (during our relationship) he said I don’t remember things. When he replies like this It also pisses me.
      Above whatever I have written is what I felt like doing. Cause I felt it’s only one way to control my self. Cause I know myself that much at least. But your an expert at this I want to know from you what should I do to get him back. Cause trust me past 3 yrs I have going through this again and again him leaving me. I am struggling like this.I want a permanent solution to it where he is back Forever. Where he sees dreams to marry me and chase me.
      My friends tell me he is bored of the relationship. And yes he has used these words when he was back last time it feels better without the relationship but not without you. Your a habit to me. But now he doesn’t even want to talk to me. Nor see me. please I really want a future with this man please help me out

    10. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 22, 2016 at 9:10 pm

      Hi Ninna,

      You rushed things. Yes, you did nc but how did you do during it and after it? Did you keep improving yourself? After nc, he should think you have or is moving on because you are continuously improving and because you’re not chasing him and you’re just being friendly. And then you slowly build rapport and attraction through text, calls and then meet ups. Arguing, getting angry is big no no because that kills rapport. And especially in your case, even though he misses you,it looks like all he sees from you is the old you he broke up with. He misses the good times, but the negative ones are greater than the positive ones and he can still see you haven’t changed. You just distanced yourself for a while, and now you’re back chasing him.

  15. Sarah

    September 15, 2016 at 12:36 am

    My boyfriend of 6 months just ended our relationship. He recently divorced this year and we started dating during his divorce. He told me all these horror stories about his ex and how she cheated on him 3 times that he knew of and that his marriage had been over for a long time. Our relationship was great up until his divorce had become final and he became depressed over the set schedule to see his kids. He was always worried I’d leave him despite all the reassurance I would give him. Last week we got into an argument and he ended it over facebook. He told me that he wasn’t sure he loved me and didn’t see a future with me. I find out the same week that not only his school shut down but he was getting kicked out of the place he was living. Then he tells me hes going back to his ex wife because he “needs” his kids but it actually still in love with me. He moved back into his ex’s house this week but mentioned all his concerns about going back.

    What the hell do I do with all of this? I honestly think he needs a therapist. Not a toxic ex. But what do I do? I love him but do I just move on with the idea that he will never come back?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 18, 2016 at 11:09 am

      Hi Sarah,

      Try out doing the no contact rule first.. Let him figure out things on his own.. He has to get a job first and get his own place but for now, while he’s still living with his ex, give him space.

  16. Eden

    September 11, 2016 at 3:58 am

    my ex of 3 months broke up with me after I said I wasn’t happy with the relationship since we were fighting a lot and he had no time for me. At first I begged him to make it work again but he said it would be better for both of us and less painful if we just ended it now. I went no contact for 30 days and saw him again after and we went for a walk and it was extremely emotional and he said he misses me and obviously still has feelings for me, but that he doesn’t want to get back together. I told him that maybe we should take it really really slow ? And he said you’re not going to like what I have to say but no I don’t think we should try at all because you may end up getting hurt again and I can’t hurt you again like before. I told him he was actually right I was thinking straight he is right we shouldn’t be in a relationship and we parted as “friends”. What should I do at this point ? Do you think we even have a chance ?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 12, 2016 at 3:43 pm

      Hi Eden,

      yeah, it’s like you’re friendzoned.. He knew or felt that that’s why you talked to talk him but it’s good that you agreed to him. Follow what’s advised in this one: EBR 012: How To Get Out Of The “Friend Zone” With Your Ex Boyfriend

  17. Nami

    September 10, 2016 at 6:54 pm

    My ex bf and me have been dating for 3 in a half year. I’m 19 and he’s 21. We meet in high school during my freshman year and his junior year. We’re long distance. He’s in the military while I’m at home faithful and loyal to him. We both love each other alot. This year 2016 January, we broken up. We both agree to break up. I agree because I thought he would chase me back if he really love me. But he never ask for me back. I also agree to the break up because I got so sad that he online cheat on me. He told me he give girls from OMEGO his phone number. I just know so much about him that make me sad. I feel like I forgive him too much. After a few weeks after the break up, he texted me how was my day. Then we start talking again. But then he stop, during April. I try to ignore him. We couldn’t cut the tie. Then on my birthday in June he called two days later ‘late’ and sang me the ‘1234’song (a love song) for my late birthday. He then tell me he’s having someone new. I was crying very bad. During July he come back from the military for 15 days visit. He messaged me if he could come get his stuff. I messaged him back no. I was heartbroken that I would cry so much if I see him in person because we haven’t see each other in a year. I kept changing my mind back in forth if I should see him. I also think if he really want to see me, he’ll come see me without asking. But he didn’t come at all. He ignored me the whole time he visited his family. It really break my heart because his actions tells me he doesn’t care anymore. Then at the end of July 25 I texted him if he got back to the military safe and he say yes. The reply to my text very fast too. He didn’t ignore my text for long. Then we text again. I thought I can make him come back, but I was wrong. I ask him if he was taken and he told me yes. I was really heart broken that I couldn’t eat for three days. I lost 6pounds. I didn’t text him for a months. During August 6, he send me a weird song through Facebook. It’s ‘My kind of heart break’ by Connor. It was a rebound song. I didn’t reply back till August 24. I told him I send his stuff to him. Then I ignore him again. He called me later that night but I keep the conversation short. The next day he call. I didn’t answer and later that night I call back. He was super excited and want to know everything about me. He told me he was sad that he make me cried. He wanted to talk to me long. We FaceTime. After two days of talking nonstop, I told him I can’t continue doing what we’re doing and it hurt. He told me that he to see that girl during the summer visit for 4 days. I asked him why didn’t he come visit me and he would do that to me. But he’ll book a ticket $800 for me to see him at the Hawaii military. So we can go hike and eat foods. I don’t know if I should go. Then he told me he want to be friend with me. He want friend with benefits too but I told him straight no. No to both of those. He doesn’t want me to get away from him. He want me to be in his circle. But he is taken. He told me he is in a open relationship with that girl. I didn’t even know who she is. I told him why is he doing this. I cannot continue talking to him Then I hanged up. He called me like 30 missed call. I answered and told him, I don’t want to be in his mom shoe where I have to watch the man I love liking someone else, online cheating. He is doing exactly like his dad did to his mom to me. I told him that and I cried. He tried to convince me to stay. He say sorry he take advantage of me. Because that girl couldn’t do like what I did to him and he miss me but still love that girl too. Then I keep changing my mind because it’s not right. But we continue talking. He get really mad when I talk to other guys. I didn’t feel the same way towards them as towards him. September, suddenly he stop and told me he’ll call later. He went to talk to her. I got so mad at myself because I fall into his game. I tried to call him alot to see if he answer like I did for him. He answer and told me he is talking to his girlfriend. I got heart broken again. He told me “we’re never getting back together.” I told him how did he move on so fast. He say he doesn’t want to hurt me anymore and just want to help me move on. He hanged up and went to talk to that girl. I text him and ask if he still want me to visit him. He say ‘at this rate: no, becuase you are going crazy’
    I was left crying to myself again, didn’t cried as much as I use to becuase I just don’t really cried hard anymore.
    I tried so hard and it’s just not working.
    I am doing the two months no contact rule this time. I won’t be using social media too. till November the day I suppose to visit him. I don’t even if I should see him because he is in a new relationship. I might as well give up.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 12, 2016 at 10:12 am

      HI Nami,

      Don’t visit him.. what for? don’t lower your value.. It would be more awkward to visit him after doing nc. That would be weird. For me you have to remind yourself of what’s obvious. He has a girlfriend, he doesn’t plan on breaking up with her for you and he’s using you. He misses some things about you, and he’s talking to you to experience some of that, but doesn’t mean he loves you and wants to commit to you.

      Do no contact to heal and improve. If you’re going to talk again, remind yourself that you should let him prove to you first that he really loves. Start over being friendly to him, and then see if you can build up rapport and attraction but make him work. Don’t go there when you know he still has a girlfriend.

  18. Olivia

    September 9, 2016 at 1:41 pm

    Hi,
    So my boyfriend of 9 months broke up with me out of nowhere saying that we were too different and that I deserved to be happier, I have a feeling it happened because we were fighting a lot and it was me picking fights since he was being really distant and I was being extra jealous. A few days later he says that he just needs time to think, he stars texting me once he sees there’s a guy going after me however after like a week he deletes all of our pictures and says we need to move on, by then I was already over it and I just accepted it. A week later he starts texting me again because of my birthday since then we were talking for a while he was being a little flirting too. Eventually he freaked out on me bc I had made a tinder profile and he starts saying I moved on, I said no that he’s the one I want to be with. He told me he couldn’t be there at the moment because he had personal things to figure out, I said okay when we’re ready we will be together again. From then we were talking for weeks, eventually I started freaking out on him when he wouldn’t respond etc,two days ago he said that no matter how much he loves me and how much he wants this, we will never work. I don’t know what to think about it, he says we need to let go and that I deserve to be happy with someone who makes sense. He says I’m still his best friend but that we can’t be talking while we’re at the point where whenever we talk it leads to discussion, i let on telling him that if his live was strong enough he would try but I honestly think I just never gave myself the opportunity to become a better me and am still stuck in the last month of our relationship. I think we can work once we both have ourselves figured out but I dont know how to get that through his head.

    1. Olivia

      September 10, 2016 at 2:03 pm

      Honestly I’m just scared that no contact is gonna push him further away since he says we need to let go, I know it’s because we just never gave each other the chance to heal and we were trying to focus on fixing the relationship and ourselves at the same time, which isn’t okay. I just don’t know how to make him see that

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 12, 2016 at 7:52 am

      I understand.. I cant assure that nc is the answer. So, try to weigh your options.. The only questions I can see that would help seeing the benefits of nc is that if he already made a decision and you kept pushing for what you want, will it make him listen or annoyed with you?
      If he does want to let go, will nc push him away or let him think you understood his decsion and would be open to start as friends again?

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 10, 2016 at 12:05 pm

      Hi Olivia,

      you had a good start and then you started fighting again. Try to do the no contact period for 30 days so that both of you can have a restart

  19. Grace

    September 8, 2016 at 12:25 am

    My ex and I were only dating for 3 month and then all of a sudden he texted me saying that he loves me so much to death but that he is not ready for a relationship! Then I told him if that’s how you feel then its fine! And I also told him once he is ready I will wait and be there for him! But then a few days ago my friend asked him if he would still want to be with me once he is ready! My friend told me that he said he loves me but thinks we are not going to get back together! So I don’t know what he means by that if he says he loves me?Should I talk to him in person see what we can figure out what’s going on? Because I don’t know whether to let him go or be patient and just wait?!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 9, 2016 at 9:54 am

      Hi Grace,

      nope that’s chasing. Maybe he doesn’t want you to expect because he’s not really sure on when he would be ready.
      How old are you both? And maybe the relationship went too fast for him.. Do you want to try the no contact rule?

  20. Grace

    September 7, 2016 at 11:56 pm

    My ex and I were only dating for 3 month and then all of a sudden he texted me saying that he loves me so much to death but that he is not ready for a relationship! Then I told him if that’s how you feel then its fine! And I also told him once he is ready I will wait and be there for him! But then a few days ago my friend asked him if he would still want to be with me once he is ready! My friend told me that he said he loves me but thinks we are not going to get back together! So I don’t know whether to let him go or just be patient! I love him dearly, but his emotions are just confusing for me!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 9, 2016 at 9:54 am

      Hi Grace,

      nope that’s chasing. Maybe he doesn’t want you to expect because he’s not really sure on when he would be ready.
      How old are you both? And maybe the relationship went too fast for him.. Do you want to try the no contact rule?

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