I Don't See Us Getting Back Together... What Does It Mean?- Ex Boyfriend Recovery

384 thoughts on “I Don’t See Us Getting Back Together… What Does It Mean?”

Hopeful

December 21, 2015 at 2:03 am

My ex just broke up with me last week. He has commitment issues and I knew that. He kept telling me things about the future and how he wanted us to be together I spent a lot of time with his family. I have been going through an emotional time and things happened to him in that same two week period. We were supposed to spend the weekend together and he broke up with me that Friday. He said he didn’t have strong enough feeling and it was that he didn’t see me in his future. We talked days later and he said that he wished that he could see me in his future but he could t see it. He said he didn’t know what he wanted. He said he wanted to be friends. I agreed and now we have been texting or talking on the phone for the last five days. I’m not sure if he just has his vision clouded or if I should just move on. My gut tells me that he wants me in his life I just am so confused.
EM

November 25, 2015 at 2:43 am

Hello Chris,
So my boyfriend broke up with me literally out of the blue last week. We dated for almost 11 months. It was a really good relationship, he treated me very well and so did I. We never ever had an argument, we never nagged or disrespected each other. Every time we hanged out we had lots of fun, full of laughter. We had so many things in common, and our friends and family loved us both. He came all the way to my house to see me and drop the bomb. I was getting mixed signals from him during this. He was having a hard time explaining why. He wasn’t bored of me, he didn’t find another girl, he just said things felt different than before. He was tearing up a lot and even gave me long hugs about 3 times. He kept insisting to be friends and said he was sorry. At one point he said ” I don’t think we should be together for now”…and then when I questioned that he quickly said ” I shouldn’t of said that, and got your hopes up”.
I didn’t talk to him for 3 days, and then I finally decided to message him to meet up because I wanted to know the truth since I was so confused and shocked. He surprisingly agreed, and even suggested to pick me up and go for sushi. Here, he told me that he just didn’t see a future with me. He also mentioned how he was stressed with this big school project due in 2 months and with work. We both agreed that we seemed to of lacked communication for the past month ( I thought we were just being busy and were going be okay later). He also said he didn’t want to lead me on and since Xmas and all the other responsibilities were coming up, it would of been so hard to work things out. I asked if we could try after all these things were over, and he said he didn’t think it would be a good idea and that we should focus on being friends for now. At the end of this hangout, I told him that I’m open to working things out, and for him to contact me if he ever has anything to talk about or just wants to send something funny that happened. He teared up again, agreeing and weirdly was touching my hand.
I’m just wondering if he is just too stressed out and that I haven’t really been there for the past month since I was super busy with school (if he only told me). Perhaps he got stressed with the relationship and decided to end it. Also we were close to the 1 year mark, maybe he was freaked out a little too.
So far, we had no contact for 2 days after the hangout. What do you think Chris?
Thank you in advance.

EM

December 3, 2015 at 10:49 pm

Hello Again, for some reason my comment is still waiting for moderation and I left a voicemail awhile back and still got no response 🙁
I just wanted to update how things are going. So far he sent me something funny on Skype on the 2nd day but I never replied. It has been 11 days since we have talked. I would love to hear what your thoughts are on this situation.
Chris Seiter

December 7, 2015 at 6:15 pm

Again, really sorry about this.

Alli (Can't Lose Hope)

November 16, 2015 at 9:29 pm

Chris, I have some more questions for you about my own particular situation that I emailed and left you a voice message about on 11/15/15 (Can’t Lose Hope).

I have some more info for you about our relationship, too, first being that I have a lot of communication problems because I used to take a drug daily for ADHD (prescribed), but although it was prescribed he really expressed that he felt it inhibited my mental capacity and made me blow up. I expressed to him that I was going to stop taking all drugs, even alcohol etc. because I really don’t want to feel like I’m constantly angry due to something I can’t control. Now I CAN control it because I’m sober, and I really want him to give the sober me another chance, even though he’s really adamant about it “being his final decision”.

Firstly, I’m not confident that getting him to regret the breakup will even work, even after I’ve improved myself because he said, “I’ve made my decision, I can’t go back again.” He even said “no promises” about simply talking in person sometime down the road after time has passed (all said during the breakup convo, I have NOT contacted him since the breakup conversation. Going to stay firm on that!) *

Second, the language he used during the breakup confused me, and the way he did it confused me too. He did it over the phone, because he said it “wasn’t a good idea to do this in person” twice. Obviously that is because it would be too painful for him to see me while he broke up with me, is that a good, or a bad thing? What if he uses this pain to get OVER me during the no contact period, uses it to fuel his fire of moving on from me?

A branch off that question, what if even when I break this no contact period he is still mentally in denial about wanting me back, even though it seems impossible that he could forget 6 ½ years in the span of 30 days. I just don’t want him to use the pain he’s experiencing now as a tool to move on from me.

Third, what if he responds neutrally to my texts after the no contact period, but sees right through them and sees what I’m trying to do by conjuring up old feelings of better times?

Finally, if I do get that face-to-face meeting eventually, how in the world do I convince him that now that I’m completely sober, I really want the chance to be the person I know I can be for him, and make up for my behavior in the last 6 months?
Laura

November 16, 2015 at 8:26 pm

Hi Chris,

Wondering if you can help with this doozy: How to get an Ex-Ex boyfriend back.

Here’s the deal: We dated once before. We were very young and hurt each other a lot. We both cheated, I would say, in different ways. I dealt with the break up HORRIBLY. Did everything I wasn’t supposed to do. Was actually a GRADE A CRAZY.

Fast forward 7 years: We reconnect and, miraculously, try again. We were together for 2 years and the 2 years were pretty great. Sure, we definitely hit some relationship drift (poor communication) and maybe I started to feel the old marriage-and-kids-pressure… and chose to handle it by going blithely along without bothering to talk to each other about the future.
The breakup hit me like a load of bricks. We were in the midst of planning to move in with one another – which was very stressful due to outside factors – and then at the last moment he pulled out.
Now, if I had been wise I would have treated this moment like the end it was, but unfortunately, I was left totally homeless in NYC and had to move in with him for a little bit. Besides, he kept telling me he didn’t want to break up, asking me to stay, while also saying he just “didn’t see a future.”
As you might expect, I got angrier and angrier and more and more resentful. I tried to give him time. I asked him to get help for his depression. I asked him to think more deeply about what he means when he says he doesn’t see a future. He just kept repeating himself – then begging me to stay.
It was stressful. My hair was falling out. I felt like I didn’t know him anymore. One night, while he was out of town, I decided I had had enough. I set up a date with someone else (no sex). When he returned, I went through the motions of some commitments we had. Then we had The Talk. I lied and said I hadn’t seen anyone. I thought it didn’t matter since I was breaking up with him anyway. We broke up, but still he begged me to stay. It’s so hard to say no to someone you love.
Finally, I told him I had to leave. That’s when he realized I had seen someone and basically forced a confession from me.
I realize he experiences it as cheating, but I really don’t think, given the circumstances, it counts. I was absolutely loyal to him during our time together – is it fair to call me a cheater for setting up a rebound? I don’t know.
Anyway, this time around, I didn’t contact him for 30 days. Since then, our contact has been cordial, warm even. He’s let me know how sad he is, how hurt. I’ve kept things positive like your advice suggests. I do feel happy and OK by myself. I know I’m a good partner and I’m not afraid of loving someone else… I just really think he’s my soul mate – silly as that sounds. Do I have a shot?
Sofie

November 6, 2015 at 3:10 pm

Hi Chris, what if you ex boyfriend says “it’s too late” is this just basically the same as “I don’t see us getting back together” or “we are never getting back together”

Kind regards
Hope&faith

November 2, 2015 at 5:25 pm

Good morning chris, i need advise like everyother relationship me and my partner broke up i did the no contact purchase ex-boyfried recovery it worked ialso purchase the texting bible it worked we went out to 4dates it was great the I use this techiniquetelling him how great and fun we been having duringour time together I love to see him smile and continue to have great time together tempting to have our bodies closer and was i thinkig it will begreat to makeit official to be back together making more memorable fun memories. And his answer was Not Now !!! :-/ . He then put a serious face telling me he didnt want to talk about it . We where atthe end of our date we said good bye we went our seperate ways … He then text me he just wanned to spend time with me . We did though it was great . The his last text said for me to have a great night . I did not respond back. This jusy happen this weekend I dont know if i should respond What should I DO ?Should I do NC and if so for how long? or should I continue texting here and there again like ur texting bible says like if it didnt get to me his answer . What do u recommend Im assuming he might be seen someone. Please guide me I thought it eas going good til I push it theres got to be a way andu sure can help me. Ill be waiting for your response.

Hope&faith

November 2, 2015 at 5:45 pm

If there another guide I can tead or purchase please let me know.

Errka

November 2, 2015 at 3:14 am

I am curious….about 2.5 months ago my ex husband told me he wanted a divorce after alosing another job… He was constantly toward the end fighting with kids etc and began withdrawing…. Well he filled for a divorce… Say he still Cares for me etc….. Buy yells me he doesn’t see it happening in the future to be a family again…… He has tried on and off to be my freind… FINALLY I said no because it wasn’t fair to me…. Well out divorce was final last week… He is already dating someone…. Took her to meet all his friends etc….. I’ve done everything I’ve needed to that was bothering him…. Got a job I love…. Bought a place etc….. Before I did EVERYTHING wrong from constant text messages to emails… Crying begging and pleading….. Today after reading this site… Pretty much now 3 months later…..am I too late???
Ivana

October 21, 2015 at 7:09 am

I am 25 and my boyfriend and I were together for 8 years (since I was 16). I broke up with him three times throughout these 8 years because I was curious and uncertain about us but I would always end up with him again after a month. I would try dating people but it felt wrong. This last time I broke up with him (Feb 2015) he stayed in touch and ended up taking me to dinner and giving me an ultimatum. He was going to China for work for 9 months in July 2015 and wanted me to stay with him through it or we were done forever. So I took the ultimatum and in the months before he went to China, I realized I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. We got a ring custom made for me and he seemed ready to propose so I thought he would do it in China when I went to visit him September 2015. Instead, I found out for the last 2 weeks he had been texting his coworker who was also in China and had a boyfriend and that he was hiding it from me. He at first tried to say he wanted to fight for us but as time went by, he was confused and I was so angry and hurt that he decided we had to break up. That was the end of September. Now, he keeps telling me you hurt me too much, I can’t be in love with you, I’m not sure about us. That girl broke up with her boyfriend and will be back in Shanghai in January. He will most likely be home before June and I don’t know how long she will be there. I am devastated because after all my soul searching I had finally realized this is the man I want forever.. Please help.
Lauren

October 8, 2015 at 3:41 am

Hello,
I was in a relationship for 9 years with my ex. We had a rough few years, from about 2009-2012. None of the said roughness was self provoked by the way. Some bad business dealings (his not mine), family bs (both of ours), and other (im going to call them) unforchunate act of God. Anywho, the end of 2013 he left me for another lady without any warning. Literally no warning. I mean LITERALLY. One day he was home and everything was fine, and then he dropped off of the face of the earth for three WHOLE days and I thought aliens had obducted him! After being very worried for three days and sending out every search party I could think of he came home. His mom didn’t know where he was and was looking with me. So it wasn’t a case of everyone knowing except for me. Moving on, He came home, kind of. It was only to tell me he had left and that it was over. He went on about how he couldn’t be with me because it was too hard… blah blah blah! He told me I changed.

Fast forward…
So, we’re broken up and it has been about three months. I am depressed. I mean super depressed. This MF was my world. Everything I had done for the past 9 years was for us. NOT ME, us!!!! I was so shocked about the break up that I turned into a hermit of sorts. I didn’t bother him, and I unfriended his entire family. Not because I didn’t care for them, but It just hurt to much to talk to them or be around them. God forbid I go out with his family or talk to them and him and his new woman pop up. I would die… a thousand times over. Plus I got tired of his mother asking me how I was doing and apologizing to me for something she had nothing to do with. Through out these three months I catch him riding past my house at least twice a week and recieve text messages asking me who is over the house. (when there is a car in the drive way) Weird and creepy right. But what ever, after three months of depression and a complete mind and heart screw over, I change my phone number and tell myself to get it togther. I don’t, and still haven’t by the way. I still hurt. I have gone on dates. I even went back to school and have gotten deans list 4 semsters in a row. (whoop whoop) I’ve done evrything to try and move forward and forget about him. I even have pep talks with myself. I tell myself our relationship was shallow (it wasn’t) I tell myself he was a liar (he was in the end at least)

Fast foeward to today…
I saw his mother out a few months ago and we talked for a minute. I tried like hell to avoid her but didn’t want to seem like I was intentionally avoiding her. That’s rude, you know. anywho, She asks for my phone number and I gave it to her seeing as my phone was in my hand and I couldn’t lie and say I didn’t have a phone. (obnoxious emoji) She called a week ago and asked how I was doing. BLAH BLAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH BLAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHh and I mean it took everything in me not to break down. I felt like saying oh you know life is great outside of the constant voied heart attack feeling burning in the deepest depths of my friggin soul!!!!!!!!!!!!! I want to reach out to him again. I want what we were back……. 🙁 But it has been years. He through out the year…s went so far as to write me letters and try to talk… but I threw them away. He’s asked for my number and I told him hell no. I’m just so afraid. What if he rejects me. What if he wants to make his cake and eat it too… What if I open myself up to getting heart broken… AGAIN… I wouldn’t be the victim the second go around. What do I even say. What if he is still in a relationship. What is he going to do? Go back and forth between us when he finds the relationship too intense. I don’t know. I know It has been to long and I have to do something. It has been 3 years and I still haven’t moved on. There isn’t a day I dont think about him.
Michele

October 7, 2015 at 2:45 am

Hi Chris. I am in a unique situation & REALLY need your help. My ex & I broke up over a year ago and I did NC for several months. We started speaking on & off, but a few months ago we started talking again consistently. He has told me on occasion that he has feelings for me but that he is scared to get back together because of the fighting. Honestly, we didn’t fight excessively but we did go through a small rough patch which was enough to scare him off, plus I didn’t handle the breakup well & got super emotional which just pushed him further away (I wish I read your guides back then!). He has also told me on occasion that he doesn’t think we have a future together, but then other times he says conflicting things, he is very inconsistent. When we started hanging out again I made the mistake of sleeping with him once (this was like 4 months ago) but have not done that since & told him I am not interested in being friends with benefits. We have hung out several times since then & I have not slept with him but the last time he tried again, but I didn’t. The tricky thing is he keeps telling me that he wants to have a baby with me! This isn’t something new, from when we were together & even after we broke up he always brings up having a baby together. I have declined so far because we aren’t together & have even reminded him that he said we didn’t have a future together so why would we have a baby and that I am not interested in being a single mother and then he says that if I get pregnant it will bring us back together & that I won’t be a single mother. He tells me that me getting pregnant is the push that he needs to commit to me again & that we would get a place together & get married. I just don’t understand him & how he only wants to get back together if we have a kid. I would think most men wouldn’t want to impregnate a women they think they have no future with, it makes no sense but he insists that it’s the push he needs cause he is scared. I have tried your techniques but I just can’t get a commitment from him, but then he sends these mixed signals with this baby thing & seems adamant that that’s the only way he will commit. It’s so hard too because I love him & really do want to be with him & have a family with him. Don’t worry, we aren’t teenagers, we are actually both in our 30’s & neither of us have kids & I really want to have kids but obviously I want to be together and I just don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like I have tried everything & he has even told me how much I have changed & grown. It’s not like I was horrible to him when we were in a relationship & he was definately not perfect, but I have learned the proper way to deal with things & control my emotions. But he still doesn’t want to get back together (unless I get preg) cause he is scared this is an act or something. Also he used to call & text me a lot, but the past couple weeks he has gotten flaky. After a week of not hearing from him I called him & he acted fine, spoke to me for hours, brought up the whole “let’s have a baby” topic which he usually does but i just brushed it off. We got off the phone fine, but again I haven’t heard from him in a week. Which is another thing I find strange, how he will talk to me for hours & laugh, talk about having babies and then he just disappears & he claims he isn’t seeing anyone else & even jokes to me that I better not be dating anyone else. I don’t understand him & also I’m afraid I’m losing him again cause I haven’t been hearing from him, he is becoming distant & I don’t want to keep bothering him & I’m not sure how to get him to start contacting me again? Ugh, this is so frustrating. Do you think this situation is completely hopeless? Do you have any advice or pointers for me? I know this is a tricky situation so I would truly appreciate any help, advice or feedback you have! I wish I had the money for your personal services but please please help!!! this has been such a hard situation for me, please help me : /
Catt

October 3, 2015 at 7:49 am

Hi,

My ex broke up with me about 5 weeks ago, we are both devastated. The reason we broke up was because I left it too late to leave my husband, he’s had enough. I’ve not been happy in my marriage for some time but felt so guilty and feared the consequences that it overwhelmed me. I tried talking to my husband a few times and left on 2 occasions but went back! I think I wasn’t emotionally ready. My affair partner has had enough, I let him and myself down and he says it’s too late. He wants to remain friends but at a distance for some time, an email once a week from him and he asks that I let him come to me, he needs to feel in control of his life again and I respect that. Right now he doesn’t know when and how our friendship will look. He has low self esteem and my behaviour played into all his insecurities. He says we’ll never get back together, he’s hurt and angry and that he’s a broken man. We loved each other dearly and I can’t believe it’s came to this. I can only hope his anger will fade in time and we can start afresh, both having sorted our lives and ourselves out, but he told me that will never happen. I feel let down too, when I needed his advice and support the most he stopped talking, suppressed his thoughts and emotions. We have been through so much together, it’s been very stressful at times and our situation was stressful and difficult, but we were always there for one another, encouraged and supported one another. We are both fragile and struggling. Can you offer any advice or is this hopeless?

Catt

October 6, 2015 at 5:41 pm

Hi Chris,

My marriage is over, I shouldn’t have left it so long to leave. I had the break up conversation with my husband but I felt so guilty and feared the consequences. I want to get back with my affair partner, he’s hurt and angry and said we’ll never get back together … I can only hope in time we can reconcile.

He (my affair partner) suffers from low self esteem and he says he is broken – he didn’t think I was ever going to leave my husband but I was!

Any advice?
Chris Seiter

October 6, 2015 at 4:14 am

So you want to get your marriage back or the affair guy back?

Just trying to get it straight here.

S

September 29, 2015 at 6:33 pm

Hi Chris,
So my ex bf broke up with me saying he isn’t happy with himself and miss being his old self. We dated for 6 months. Within this six month we broke up after 2 months of dating. He initiated getting back together after a couple of hours of breaking up.
After getting back together we had fun. I was the first girl that met his entire God parent’s family. He even cooked me his favorite childhood dish, which he has never done for any other girl. He loves to go surfing alone, but he brought me to the beach to watch him surf. He brought up spending the future together, but i told him lets take it one day at a time, which caused him to get angry with me.
I really felt like we had something and sad that he decided to walk out. He said he still wants me to be a part of his life as a friend, but I told him that I need time.
I haven’t spoken to him, even when we have class on Mondays together, I just ignore him. Its been a 2 months now. He texted me, “I miss you being a part of my life, but I’m happy with the changes we took. I love how confident you are in class & it makes me happy hearing you laugh. I just wanted to know that your doing well and if you need anything I’m here for you.”

I feel like he has moved on … and to be honest I’m really sad.
Do you think I have a chance getting him back? What should I do?

S

October 7, 2015 at 4:19 am

Thanks for the reply Chris!
I agree. I have a question though, he asked if we could be friends (before he bragged how he is friends with all of his exes & his best friends is his ex(first gf he had)) to be honest this kind put me off and I just didn’t respond to him. So at school I am just ignoring him. Should I continue to ignore him or should I be more cordial if I want to get him back?
Chris Seiter

October 1, 2015 at 6:01 pm

I think you have a chance but you need to realize that it’s not going to happen overnight.

Ella

September 29, 2015 at 6:11 am

Hi Chris,

At First Sorry for mA Bad englisch…
I have a very complicated Situation. je isnt my boyfriend, he Never was, we MEt before 5 years ago. We have Some good Time together (i Never skeptisch with him) we Were on Dates etc. he told me the typical frases like “its not because of you its because of me” and so on. He was always good to me and Interessed too nur not for a relationship. He Knows Very well that i Want an Relationship. He have a girlfriend then for 10 months, broke up with her, and we Were dating again, but we writing on whatsapp Most of the Time, i made every Mistske a Woman gab make, i told him that i Want him etc. je told me About 7times that i Should forget him and that he cant give what i need. This Happen again yestwrday. So Chris, so you think er ever has a Chance for a relationship? What Should I so?

Ella

September 29, 2015 at 2:03 pm

Ive read Many of your Articles. I think my case is very complicated, Maybe I go to The pro-Version. Today he wrote me that We Can be Friends but he thinks I Need More Time for Myself that he Needs. After that, he wrote, that i was thrown away my years and that many men out there Want to have me. I didn’t response. Should I and when? After the 30 days?

T

September 29, 2015 at 12:01 am

I cheated on my boyfriend of 5 years, let’s call him Ed. I thought we were blissfully happy until another ex came back into the picture and I was tempted. It was a horrible mistake. Ed recently gave me the “I don’t see us getting back together” line and I’m crushed. I’m going to try to follow your guide to getting back together but he has been insisting for the past week that it’s not gonna happen. A week before, though, he thought he might feel differently. I still have some hope that, if I follow your guide, that we can make it work. We’re both incredibly emotional so I understand our feelings and reactions will be like a roller coaster for awhile. Before the breakup we were supposed to move to another city together for his work but the affair surfaced and we broke up. We still have our old place together but he has relocated to the new city. We still have some contact in regards to moving out of our place. Is there hope for us?
Anonymous

September 15, 2015 at 5:38 pm

Hey Chris. My 22 year old ex broke up with me two months and found a new girlfriend right after the breakup. and he is now asking about me but i am the absolute worst at deciphering sarcasm in a text conversation.
My guy friend was talking to my ex about how he just returned to his hometown (because my ex is living in another city.) and my ex mentioned me because he knows i live there too. He said “i bet melissa is there haha” and my friend said i left town a few days ago and tired changing the subject but my ex insisted on asking why i left. My friend said “work”. my ex said “thats funny shit haha”. i almost feel that he thinks i left town to look for him because his big ego but he should know thats not why.

Do you think him mentioning me is a good thing? i never thought my ex would have a reason to come back to my hometown till now because our good friend has just returned and my ex wants to see him. So maybe he mentioned me because he secretly wants to see me? am i wrong to think he was being kind of an ass when he was talking about me, simply cause hes a dude talking to another dude?
lisa

September 14, 2015 at 7:42 pm

Hi Chris,

so… I was really upset when I asked to see him and when he was free, at first my ex said okay yeah sure 🙂 and now.. he is truly busy. And I suggested maybe during the week and he agreed. Anyway… I asked him if he missed me ( I know wrong move) and he said “yeah” but as he was busy cooking for his family on his mum’s birthday, he replied late. I then said “evidently not the same way i miss you” and i said to not lie to me again please.. (since he is very upfront and honest) he said ” i’m not very emotional as you know, i’d try not to miss a family member once they’re gone/passed. missing someone sounds like it could effect negatively.” (keep in mind… he got over the breakup easy.. he doesn’t dwell, he carries on and acts fine, because emotionally he is fine)

i later asked if he CARED or MISSED me? he honestly said ” i’d say i care about you yeah. Which is why i’ll be honest and say i don’t think i miss the relationship. You as a person I liked and miss in a way sure. ” i got offended but said thanks for being honest, he later said “It’s just not me, being in relationships. i still don’t feel like i did well” I then asked to start fresh and he said this isn’t the way.. ” well stop asking relo questions, because i don’t really like it” and then i did.. until I ASKED about the fresh new start and how he can’t treat me so poorly and be cold and to get to know him again, slowly no rush, he said “yeah sure we can be friends, ” I FINALLY GOT THE COURAGE.. and asked “but is really asking you if you’d ever give me a chance so bad to know? ” he said ” AT THIS POINT IN TIME NO, I’M NOT READY FOR THAT, WHO KNOWS WHAT WILL HAPPEN”

so to question you…. on this lovely article.. he isn’t emotional and hung up on the breakup, he is logical and I guess will be my friend and talk better… if he doesn’t want it now and wants to be free and do his own thing..

SHOULD i just ignore him and do NC rule? or be his friend and slowly be in his good books.. he didn’t say NO NEVER, I don’t see hope.. he made it sound like he wasn’t sure but dislikes relationships and isn’t good and personally isn’t ready..

i have no idea what to do with this HIGH CLASS information 🙁
Simona

September 13, 2015 at 2:05 pm

My ex and I are both 26. I was dating him for four years and it was a wonderful relationship, we moved abroad for a year and returned to our city in October 2014 and moved back in with our respective parents. We were thinking of taking things to the next level, so he formally introduced me to his parents this May at his birthday at a get together, although I had met his father a few times before. A few days later, when I asked how his parents liked me or what they thought of me, my BF told me his father thought I was too thin (I’m a U.S. size 2) and that I might be a very nice person, but my BF deserved to be with someone who matched his looks. His father told him to tell me that he wasn’t serious about me and that he should end our relationship. The next two months were tumultuous because my BF gave me mixed signals all the time, picked fights over inconsequential things frequently, or broke up every second weekend, but constantly maintained that he loved me. So when I finally asked him to have the talk six weeks ago (also a day after our fourth anniversary), he chickened out of the relationship saying he couldn’t be with me because his father wouldn’t give me the love and respect I deserve from my in-laws, even though the rest of extended family is very fond of me, and that responsibility scared him and moving out of his parents house would mean he wouldn’t have the comfortable life he has right now and that he would miss his bed, his home food and his PS3. I was devastated and insulted that he didn’t have the guts to stand up for me, and began no contact the following day, but I broke it at 21 days and went to return his things and talk to him. We chatted for over three hours. He seemed upset but my tears didn’t move him, he refused to let logic dictate his actions and said he had started to feel like we were married and he couldn’t handle that anymore, and that our families are very different and he wouldn’t be able to adjust with them (he’s Muslim and I’m Hindu), it is important to note that he wouldn’t be living with my family, we would’ve had our own place, but he said he simply wanted to focus on his career right now and earn enough money to run a household, we both have amazing jobs and we’re earning good money. He then added he didn’t see himself being in a serious relationship with anyone at the moment, and even though he has had a unique relationship with me, he had started to think we wouldn’t have lasted beyond four years. I asked him to reconsider his decision multiple times that day, only to hear “no” every single time, except for when he got up to leave, when he said he would think about it. When I texted him a “thank you for meeting me” later during the day, he asked me to not talk to him and said we need to move on. It’s been three weeks since then and I haven’t been in touch. But I can’t bring myself to move on. I’ve blocked him from everywhere on social media, except for snapchat, where he has now started to see snapstories everyday, but other than that he has not contacted me even once in the six weeks that we have been broken up. He used to be my best friend and this withdrawal is driving me nuts. I really just want him to come back, but I don’t know what to do, if I should even want him back for the way he treated me.
is it ok to call?

September 10, 2015 at 10:30 am

Already did nc for a month. He has a new gf and blocked me on facebook but is it ok to call him and basically imply we should get back together? Im not going to beg, simply imply it will be a fresh start, not like the old relationship. The only reason I’m asking is because when we broke up, i never begged or anything. But it occured to me that maybe thats what he wanted! Hes 22 and sensitive if that helps
Amanda

September 9, 2015 at 6:25 pm

My ex and I were together for 3 amazing years. He proposed to me and all. 3 weeks before he gave me “the talk” we had our engagement pictures done cost me tons of money. When he broke up with me, I of course acted on my anger instead of accepting the fact we broke up. I said a lot of nasty things which made me seem like a crazy ex girlfriend.

The reason we broke up was because he said my family was a drama filled family and all we do is live for drama. He hated my family. I don’t understand where it came from or why he wanted to end the good relationship we had. I thought we were actually going to get married.
About a week ago I texted him and asked him if we would ever get back together, he of course said “I don’t think so I’m sorry” does that mean we will never get back together. I truly can’t imagine me or him with anyone else. He is the only one I want to be with. what should i do? Leave him alone and never get back together?
jane

September 9, 2015 at 6:48 am

My boyfriend broke up with me last month after 6 years. We lived near eachother at uni etc for 4 years lived together for one year and then he decided to take a job opposite end if the country for our last year which was not the plan but as job prospects didnt go in his favour he chose to go where the jobs took him.
Tbh i felt neglected and that i wasnt a priorty or choice but i didnt kick up a fuss. I spent most of my weekends travelling 600 miles to see him just getting about one full day with him. He only travelled to me 3 x in one year.
During that year it was very difficult for me my dad suffers with severe depression and i had to move back home. His depression puts strain on whole family. My mum was ill and my parents were discussing getting a divorce. My parents bought a business that was too demanding and i was working duribg the day at my own job and coming back to fo shifts for them in there business. Life was stressful and plus i didnt feel loved by my byf who was choosing to spend his work holidays visiting frineds over me. He often would tell me i wasnt a priorty.
Then one week dad was very very low and alot was piling up and that week a recieved a text from a previous byf. He was saying he missed me and wanted to meet up. I first declined but he was being persistent saying he missed me and he wanted to chat. I was very low and lonely and i sent a message back saying i missed him too even though i didnt and i wanted to meet him also.
My boyfriend who i do love looked on my emails and saw this and dumped me understandbly. I didnt ever want to meet him and havent seen him since we broke up but i guess i enjoyed someone being there for me.
I travelled right down to see him but he was angry and told me i need to go home he didnt want me anymore and he needs space. The next day he kept contacting me saying i was a fantastic person who tries to do too much for everyone.
The tricky part is i was movibg down to be with him a few weeks later and obviously i had to get my own place and he was telling me not to move down if its for him. But i did anyway as i had a job commitment and i thought being far away would be harder to reignite things.
I did 30 NC with an odd 1 of 2 email regarding housing arrangements but no personal.
I moved down and he was finding excuses to see me it seemed. He said he needed his suitcase back for the weekend but this suitcase was massive. When he dropped by he was flirtaous and he said he loved seeing me. He took his case but then offered it straight back to me saying it can wait.
He then kept texting me more and more and he kept asking what id been doing my plans etc.
He then text me saying he was naked one night and he then said i need to stop this ny head all confused.
We had previously arranged to travel home one weekend together the 300 miles he messaged asking if lift home ok. I agreed. That day i found out after 3 weeks he was on a dating website already.
I gave him a lift back and we chatted it was fun and i asked him about his dating website and he sed it was just for an ego boost. I decided to join also and he keeps asking aboutif ive had any interest.
When i dropped him home he kissed me and we had sex. He made me food we watched a movie and cuddle he held myhand he stroked my hair he kissed me randomly but then told me it was casual. I thought it didnt seem casual he was caring. He also said he enjoyed spending time with me.
The next day he text me saying it was a mistake and he needs space he cant ever see us getting back together as he will seem a mug.

What do i do? What is he thinking is there any chance???

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