I Don't See Us Getting Back Together... What Does It Mean?- Ex Boyfriend Recovery

384 thoughts on “I Don’t See Us Getting Back Together… What Does It Mean?”

C

July 1, 2015 at 7:39 pm

Hi Chris, please please help me.

My bf of bearly 3 years broke up with me a month ago. He and I go to the same University and are from the same hometown. This past semester I had been dealing with some depression and it caused me to be insecure and jealous. When Summer came, I saw him once after spring semester ended and we had a small fight and he said when he got back from his trip and from summer session we would work everything out and be okay. On his trip my depression got worse and I kept bugging him. We had two little scuffles but I didn’t think it was a big deal. One night he was telling me how much he missed me and loved me and all the things he got me from his trip and the next day we get into a scuffle and he breaks uo with me… Over the phone. I became desperate, my depression made me so unhappy, I chugged a bottle of wine and blacked out and realized the next day I tried to facetime him and call him again and again and again like an idiot. He told me he needed space and maybe somewhere down the road we could talk. Then ten days later (I tried NC but failed) I sent him a long apology letter and told him I want him to be happy and I understood why he broke up with me and respect it and even though I miss him I want him to do what makes him happy. This time he responded and said he cared, the break up was hard on him, but he doesn’t see us getting back together. I didn’t respond. I unfollowed him on Instagram and blocked him on snapchat, but he still follows me on Instagram and is my friend on Facebook. It’s been about a month since I’ve spoken with him, and he’s back home now. Should I still try to contact him when NC is over? Should I even try at all?
Gina

July 1, 2015 at 7:19 am

Hi Chris, got a bit of a situation with a guy. Me and a guy were contacting one another pretty frequently. We then had an awful amount of complications in our communicating which caused us to have a lot of difficulties. I wanted to talk about the problems to solve them, however, he wanted to allow time to pass to let those problems ease. He didn’t make this verbally clear to me though and left me to guess the situation. I then grew pretty needy and persistant in try to get him to open up to me. Though he withdrew. Finally now, after a good 6 months, he’s discussed our communication problems. We’ve agreed to cut down talking and see how things go. However, he said due to the complications from before, he’ll be quite sensitive towards my words, and vice versa. I don’t think either of us are ready to communicate properly again really, at this time. Also, now I feel that whenever I contact him, I look needy and am always awaiting him to reply. In this case, would going NC help matters, and how long for?

Kate

gina

July 14, 2015 at 10:59 pm

Hi chris, I can’t break myself into NC. We both know we both need time, but I just can’t find it in myself to not contact him. Thing is, I have two jobs, many friends whom I’m in contact with regularly, and yet, I still want to contact this man. I don’t know why. I guess I’m pretty attached and I just can’t let myself let go. What do I do?
Chris Seiter

July 9, 2015 at 12:28 am

30 days in NC.

NJ

June 26, 2015 at 11:16 pm

Hi Chris,
The other day I saw my ex as we had to do some logistical stuff together. We fought a lot over it and at the end and he was telling me everything I did wrong and blaming me for everything as usual which really hurt but he says it was healing for him. In between this fight we kissed passionately, like 4 times! I wanted it to be more and he said he was just being nice. Is that a lame lie? He enjoyed it obviously. I’ve done NC and all but definitely told him too much how I feel and how hurt I am. I feel like if I let go he will just dudsaoeared. He says he’s happy with his life now and doesn’t want to be in a relationship. It’s been over 4 months since we broke up and I still cry nearly every day. I dint know how to get over him, I feel like I never will. We were together 3 years. I lost 20 pounds etc I don’t know what else to do. Any advice will be appreciated, thanks!
J.

June 20, 2015 at 9:25 pm

Hi Chris,

Me and my ex have known each other for about 3 years now, we started dating when we met. It was like nothing before, we both fell for each other the moment we first saw each other, we dated and everything was good until i started ruining things. For years I always felt like i needed constant attention from a guy, so when we were dating and i lived with him, he wasnt giving me attention at times, so i started talking to and falling for his best friend (I know, really bad idea), i decided i didnt wanna be with him anymore and was gonna move, and started dating his best friend. He later found out and wanted nothing to do with me. I moved back and we started talking again and tried, things didnt work out for reasons i dont remember, but we later came back to each other again. This time i lived with him again and everything was going good, we werent “officially” dating though because he didnt trust me at the time, but anyways i started getting a little bored and not getting the attention i wanted so i started talking to his stepbrothers friends brother, he found out while i was still living with him and kicked me out. We didnt talk for a while and then about a few months ago, i tried talking to him again and things were going okay, we hung out, i would stay at his house alot, he just didnt trust me at all and was telling me that it would take alot of time and effort on my part to earn any bit of trust back, but he didnt think it was possible because of how much i have hurt him in the past but he was willing to let me try because he still had feelings and cared and hoped we could maybe be together again at some point in our lives. So this recent time, i was really trying to gain the trust back and work on things, but it all went to hell yesterday when a “friend” got mad at him for something and went off on him and told him i had been telling her all the stuff in our relationship, including personal things about him(which he told me to not talk about him to people because we were not together and our business needed to stay our business) so he went off on me and i panicked and went a little crazy at the thought of losing him again. He blocked my number and social media, so i went to his work today like i usually do to bring him food or a drink, when i got there, he calmly talked me and told me how he is not his punching bag or practice target and was done, that i had really messed up this time and that i needed to stop acting crazy. I proceeded to tell him i wasnt going to give up like the other times and that i am going to fix this, that i will change and wasnt going to mess up anymore. He then told me “we’ll see” and then said a few more things that made me think he maybe really isnt completely done and that i might have a chance at fixing this. I know he cares about me and still has feelings because his friends tell me, and he has given me a bunch of chances i didnt deserve. Do you think i have a chance to fix it one more time? If so, how do i? Im not sure what to do, i just cant lose him again. I was serious about us this last time and still am, i want a life with him. Please help!
Anonymous

June 20, 2015 at 12:43 am

Hi Chris — A few months ago I wrote that my ex boyfriend came back to me. We had a good relationship and almost moved in together. I was staying there 6 nights out of the week.

We had a huge fight the other day and I broke up with him. He said that this would be the last time he’d allow me to push him away. I tried to sort things out but he was too angry.

I went over to his apartment today while he was at work to surprise him with dinner and doing all the chores. But it went horribly wrong. He came back from work in full rage screaming that I invaded his space and that I had destroyed any chance we had. He said I was a psycho and he didn’t love me anymore bc I disrespected him. I completely broke down and lost control.

I left and he blocked me on everything. Phone, Facebook, Messenger, everything. I was trying to do something sweet and it went horribly wrong. I’m back at square one and I really need some support. Do you think that he will ever reach out again?

Chris Seiter

July 15, 2015 at 6:29 pm

What was the fight over?

I like to know what I am dealing with here.

Last Chance Dance

June 17, 2015 at 5:36 pm

Hey Chris, I’ve been an avid reader of your site for a year now, I bought the Pro book but I really need your help. I was on and off with my ex for the past 8 months after the initial breakup and in the last few weeks or so he became more serious with a new girl he met in March. I reacted badly to some photos I saw of the two of them on Facebook and called him to demand answers. Just 4 weeks ago, I met him for lunch and he said he wasn’t tied down to anybody else and wanted to see where things go with us in August. I did 30 days of no contact, and the day I broke NC was the day I saw the photos. I asked him: When did things get serious? Why didn’t he tell me about her? He told me she was low maintenance and easy to date during this busy time. He said he was really busy with work and the relationship was in stark contrast to mine. I feel like I’ve burnt some bridges even though we agreed to remain on good terms, he said we couldn’t be friends until I’ve moved on and was happy with somebody else. What should my game plan be here? How do I salvage this situation? I still want my ex back.
lee

June 15, 2015 at 5:18 am

Hi Chris, I found your webpage and need advice…So after 8 yrs and a year of warnings on a change he wanted us to both do in regards to personal growth…yes I feel it regarded our relationship and how we see ourselves…the last 3 yrs there were sum fighting mostly due to each of us feeling insecurities by both parties…the last 6 months the fighting got intense that we both quit talking…we have 2 kids and live together…in May his grandpa who like his dad got sick and out of the blue he told me we weren’t getting along and left for work…I like crazy person knew what he meant and went into protect mood and called myself his ex …anyway. a few days later he said that it was coming and tried to share his reasoning, it pretty much was an opening up text telling me he felt ashamed of not being there for his grandfather and that me and the kids were his reality…and tangible love his words… then weeks went on and being mad and hurt by him breaking up with me he called me on mothers day and I was working so I missed it…during all this time of texting back and forth I was unreasonable and hurt …we had a conversation where he was yelling at me saying it was my fault, I wanted this and asked for 30 days no contact…of course I didn’t know what that was and drove him further away…by texting and calling and yes I seen my mistake shouldn’t have done it…anyway in the last convo he had said..’ I love you but I can’t love you as a couple’ not sure what that means but I took it badly also he now completely doing the blackout and going elsewhere and not coming home …he goes to his grandfather place…and he ended up blocking me via the phone when I got needy and I know he got mad and blocked …and then blocked me again after he sent me a text that warrented a convo regarding the kids…I then tried to do the 30 day NC he Haas asked for and in a day he texted me…and now he blocked me again because he’s mad…I’m now on the 30 days for myself because I do love and care for him and I want to look at my self and work on myself ..I do know what I did wrong and are working on those issues but I also don’t blame him for his doing on his part in the relationship…I do want him back and see a future with him…I also know I did a lot of damage in the last month and 2 weeks…to push him further away…he seems to be under the impression I’m taking us as his family away and making him see a needy person and not the girl I once was …I’m lost in my feelings on what he doing and his reasoning! I feel he now is not coming home for awhile when in the begining he was gonna alter shifts and go both there and here…he works and lives in a camp…So he gone 14 days and off for 5 …but this is the second days off and he should have come home but he didn’t and I know my neediness did have a part to do with it…So my question is what did he means and how do I go about it …

lee

June 15, 2015 at 6:02 am

He had said I love you but not as couple like 2 weeks ago during our phone convo where he was yelling at me saying it was my fault and I wanted this…and then left me a long message saying I had a lot to learn in this life time and that he couldn’t be my guide…this all happened way after he asked for the 30 day NC …did I screw up my chance with him because I harrassed him before this convo and this was his reaction…and do I continue my NC because when I do he still texts me…he has me confused and why he doing this being mean and bugging me and now blackout

Amanda

June 1, 2015 at 7:05 pm

Hey Chris,
I’ve been reading a lot of your articles and a few days ago I just completed the no contact rule. We broke up in March but I bothered him for almost 2 months :/ I messaged my ex and we ended up texting for 2 hours back and forth about what’s been going on in life until I told him I needed to go to bed because I had to get up early the next day. During the conversation he mentioned a couple of times that he wanted us to be friends if it was possible and I said I would like that also (but I want us to get back together of course). I know he still has feelings for me because he doesn’t want to know about my dating life. He also said he looked at pictures I left with him when we broke up and it hurt him to remember the happy times. I’m not sure if I still have a chance. I went on a trip this past weekend that we were supposed to go on together and I texted him when I got home and he never wrote back (maybe jealous?) I haven’t messaged him today I want to take things slow. I mentioned us hanging out sometime and he said maybe but he feels awkward because things left off on a bad foot :/ I want us to get back together but I’m trying my best to not message him a bunch and bother him. I talk to his mom some which is ironic because we broke up mostly because the stress she caused and now she’s bothering him trying to get answers to things I mentioned to her and now he’s getting upset with me :/ I’m not sure what to do anymore 🙁
Living with my ex

May 30, 2015 at 12:55 am

Hi Chris I desperately need your help! Me and my ex broke up but are still living together for our daughter. We had plans to get married but due to continued issues from the past he broke up with me. He stAtes he wishes things would of turned out differently but says we will never work out because we haven’t been ok for two years. He says he’s willing to stay to help and that if he wanted to abandon us he would if but that he’s only there for the baby. He is very distant and cold at times and then at others will be fine. I feel like it can work but he does not! I need to save my family! Please help me!
Anonymous

May 29, 2015 at 5:17 am

Hi Chris.. Your website is truly a blessing.. It has helped me in so many ways.. Keep up the amazing work! So umm.. I’m a teenager and my ex just broke up with me 2 weeks ago after a year of being together.. I’m still in the no contact period.. He has talked to me twice.. Once we had a fight and after that I just started the no contact. Then he talked again asking me to do something (nothing related to our relationship) and I ignored the text since I was in no contact.. He got a new girlfriend 3 days after our breakup .. Then broke up with her .. And now I’ve been hearing from mutual friends that he’s been trying to get his ex girfriend (the girl before me) back.. Saying he never loved me and tried to find a way to leave me.. Now it’s all a confusion.. Should I continue the no contact rule and then try to get him back or should I start to move on.. Because as you said I don’t want to waste my time trying to get him back if eventually it’s not going to be a long lasting relationship.. Please answer me on this I’m really desperate and in need of your help..
Karen

May 27, 2015 at 11:24 pm

Hi Chris. My ex said, “I’m not opposed to us being together, but it’s something that might not happen.” is this a variation of “I don’t see us getting back together right now”?
Anne

May 27, 2015 at 9:53 pm

“I don’t see us together in the near future.”
What do you do with an introvert, possible INTJ who broke up with you? He says he doesn’t miss people and doesn’t know what he wants… He enjoys and needs his alone time so I know NC just gives him time to think. I also know for a fact he cares.
So how do you out-space someone who loves space? Or make someone miss you that doesn’t miss people?
He texted me every day during the time we were together but then said that we were too opposite. Introvert/extrovert attraction is a force but is also overwhelming for the introvert.
How do I look at actions to know what is going on if I’m doubting that there will be any actions? On Day 8 of NC after hearing the above line. Wondering how to proceed and what to expect.
M.

May 27, 2015 at 9:11 pm

That broke(again) my heart.My ex boyfriend who has said “we can’t be together and we wont be!” and who has a gf a year now still keeps me on fb(without talking or like anything of course). He owes me Money that hasn’t given me although he said he would and I already has asked them once…I kept him too because I followed your advice and tryied everything you said but he’s still with her…and lately he’s started posting photos with the two of them everytime I post sth and I can’t stand it anymore.Also yesterday he changed his profile photo to one with her kissing him and his cover with a quote saying sth like ”to tell you the truth I don’t feel anymore…I’m sick of it”..I have no idea if that went for me or no but I really see no hope winning him back..I feel such a loser, I want to just delete him..What do you beleive?Is it over for good?? What should I do?
Olga

May 27, 2015 at 7:00 pm

Hey Chris,
For the past couple of weeks things seemed to get better with my ex boyfriend until today when he said he wants me but is afraid to change the way things are AT THE MOMENT (so it’s kinda similar to what this post is about) so my question is… How do I make him stop being afraid of me and how do I let him know things actually could and would be different this time without flat out telling him which I know is pointless. It’s not the first time he says he’s scared…
Linda

May 27, 2015 at 10:20 am

Chris,

My situation is a little weird. We’re long distance right now due to work and we broke up during long distance. I did NC and he ended up messaging me a few times until he said he wanted to talk about something important. We talked and he said he reconsidered things and thought that our breakup was a mistake and he would want to give it another try. However, a part of the reason for our breakup was because he started to have feelings for another girl (who has a boyfriend) at work. Later he admitted that he has feelings for both of us and doesn’t know what to do. I could tell he was overwhelmed emotionally so I asked him if he even wanted to be in a relationship right now cuz in his current state (with his first full time job, moving out to a new city alone, and other high stress factors) he didn’t seem ready to be in a relationship… He took that suggestion so now he’s focusing on himself. When we message, his replies have been very brief and it’s kind of worrying me that he’s trying to cut me out. I haven’t been a text gnat. We were together for 4 years. Did I just ruin my chances of getting back together by suggesting he take some time for himself?
IVA

May 27, 2015 at 3:19 am

Hi Chris,

I have read your blog for couple days. It have helped me building a strategy to get back with my ex and think about what I have done since last month, and I think mine are still okay, but I have a unique situation, it’s kinda a mix of everything, so here it is…

I broke up with my boyfriend because I thought we didn’t have future together, we didn’t commit enough to our relationship (it’s LDR and it has been 1 year, I still have 1 more year left in US, but right now I am in my country-Indonesia for summer break). After one month, I accidentally texted him and talked, we were fighting, but at the end I was thinking that I want him back. I asked him if he wanted to get back together. He said yes, but I was not sure and still uneasy about us. He is a jealous guy and I have friends, which are boys, that I did not tell him. So, before we got back (which, never happens until now), I told him that I have 2 boy best friends in US and I’ve been to Chicago once (for a day) with one of my boy best friends (my university is one hour away from Chicago), but I did not cheat on him, I told him that because I want us to be honest to each other in the future. As a result of that, he said that he feel betrayed, he feel cheated, me went to Chicago with the guy is intolerable, he could not do LDR, and he does not want to get back together. We were still texting for couple weeks because I said I want to keep in contact until I was asking him about one of his friend, which is a girl, in his Instagram. He was mad, we fight, he said, “why are you still acting like this? I don’t care about what you do anymore, what do you want for me?” and he said “What is the solution for our relationship? But we will never ever getting back together, I just can’t”. Then, I stop texting him for 30 days, I considered this as the No Contact Rule. After that, I texted him asking for forgiveness, but I texted him with a really cool attitude. It was “hey sorry for everything I don’t want you to hate me” it sounds like a text to make peace with him, and I got positive response, he said he has been okay the whole time so I don’t have to feel guilty. I also said “we should be friend, not a stranger :)” and he said “okay :)” Couple days later, I asked him to meet me, he said yes, and we will meet up tomorrow. I asked one of his friend, he said, my ex is single and he still sad about our break up.

What do you think I should do? Do I have to cut my friendships with the 2 guys and delete all of their texts, or leave it like what it was in case he look at my phone and read the texts (there is nothing to be mad of when he read it if he is not insecure)? What do you think he feels? Is there a chance for me to get him back? If it is, could you tell me how? Because I know he doesn’t trust me. Once, he saw my ex picture in my room that I’ve even long forgotten and was mad at me. He also doesn’t like me chat with another guy, but I do sometimes because I have to talk to those guys.
Samantha

May 26, 2015 at 9:29 pm

Hey Chris, my ex boyfriend of one and a half years broke up with me 2 months ago and left things open ended. He said he wanted to focus on himself and date other people and didn’t have the time for a serious commitment until August. I met him a week ago for lunch after rebuilding the rapport and asked him what he meant by August and if he saw potential for us getting back together around then. He said he couldn’t say right now if we’re definitely going to be dating in August but that we should just see what happens. I’m not happy with this wish-washy response but I didn’t push it further. I’ve entered into NC and I’m 10 days in. I haven’t heard from him yet, but I’ve seen this one girl he mentioned to me in the past liking his Facebook photos and that truly alarmed me!

My question is – how do I create a sense of URGENCY for him to get back with me SOON? If he doesn’t contact me after NC it makes me feel like there is really no rush from his side to win me back. What is the strategy I could implement here to shorten my timeline?
Tina

May 26, 2015 at 9:35 am

Why do friends of my ex boyfriends girlfriend hate me and why is she always looking at me?
Me and my ex broke up 5 months ago, and i don’t care about him, why do they even care?
marnie101

May 26, 2015 at 5:53 am

Um- what if I told him never to contact me again? We were off on for a year, when it was good it was amazing, but then he would break up only to come back days later begging and miserable. Even when I asked him to leave me alone he couldn’t. Then he would wear me down over a week or two and the whole cycle would start again. It pissed me off so much that he couldn’t just be selfless and stay gone. Even though I don’t want him to. It’s a mess. Well it looks like he finally listened to me- which shows growth. I’m NC for about a week, and we have not seen each other for a month. It ended bad by me saying awful things to him, and I never want to see him again, I’m blocking him from everything, and some other very hurtful stuff. The next day I apologized and said “goodbye” he forgave me and said “goodbye. for now.” This NC is the worst kind because I told him to leave me alone and by doing just that, it shows growth on his part. He is a classic commitment issues. Should I be worried that he blocked me from facebook and instagram? I have done the same to him before, he is just the one chasing me after a breakup. Bad or good sign? And if he keeps contacting me and begging why can’t I answer him, I mean I just feel bad- how can I leave him hanging? He can get very desperate. Help!

Chris Seiter

June 2, 2015 at 2:31 am

Ideally not the best situation.

Not the end of the world though.

Remember, after NC YOU end up contacting him.

Grace Hays

May 26, 2015 at 2:24 am

Hey Chris, I was in an LDR for about 6 months, and then suddenly my ( now ex I guess) boyfriend stopped talking to me. Wouldn’t call, text, Skype or anything. I didn’t want to come off as desperate so I sent about 2 messages the first month and then stopped. We hadn’t communicated for about 3 months before I messaged him again. We talked maybe 10 minutes and he’s been ignoring me again. It’s been about a month and a half since then. What should I do?

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384 thoughts on “I Don’t See Us Getting Back Together… What Does It Mean?”