I Regret Breaking Up With My Ex Boyfriend; Can I Get Him Back?

121 thoughts on “I Regret Breaking Up With My Ex Boyfriend; How Can I Get Him Back?”

Carrie-Anne

December 16, 2019 at 2:34 pm

I called a break on my 5 year relationship back in January this year. I’m extroverted and very loving whereas he was introverted and more logical. I felt in my heart that he didn’t love me and I needed to feel that he did. He said he found it hard to show me he loved me because I moan too much. We tried again for 6 months and in August I ended things. We’d been on a week’s holiday and he hadn’t cuddled me or held my hand once for the entire week, I felt so sad inside. When I ended things he agreed to the split and said we were too different. I tried to see him to talk about it but he didn’t want to. I turned up at his house 5 weeks later and he was in a relationship with a girl from work. It’s been 4 months now and I still regret our breakup. I can see the problems on both sides (mainly communication) and wish we could have resolved it. I’ve tried dating but no one compares to him. He messaged me 3 months after our split to say he would send me money for our stuff. I convinced myself he was making contact to test the water and I tried reaching out with a few messages saying I missed him and regretted the split but I haven’t heard anything back. He’s still with the girl from work. Do I need to accept and move on? I don’t even know where to begin, I honestly loved him so much I just felt so unloved and unappreciated.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

December 16, 2019 at 11:38 pm

Hi Carrie Anne, so you need to go into No Contact and work on becoming Ungettable which can be found on this website to help you show your ex you are doing great without him and then when you reach out at the end of your no contact he can see a big difference in you and want to get to know the new you again

Kelly

November 26, 2019 at 2:01 am

I broke up with my boyfriend of 6 months because I felt as though he didn’t show me that he cared enough. He barely called like he used to and never really complimented me anymore or thanked me like he used to. I get that honeymoon phases are a thing, but I still think effort is important. I have communicated with him about this, and he never fixed it. Our last conversation about it he said he was tired of having this talk, and that he doesn’t know what to say if I think he doesn’t care. That’s when the relationship ended. I texted him the next night telling him I just wish he tried more and made more of an effort (I broke NC already) and that he should try to think about other people more often. He responded saying I just sound more angry than anything and it doesn’t sound like I miss him. I said I do miss him, and i’m angry that I miss him and then he never replied. Would NC maybe help him realize he didn’t put in any effort? Or did I throw that out the window with being angry and blowing up his phone

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

November 30, 2019 at 11:35 pm

Hi Kelly, so yes you need to do No Contact 1 – to see if he reaches out to you in that time considering youve told him you feel like he doesnt care. 2 – for you to have some time to work on yourself and emotional reactions.

Melissa

November 18, 2019 at 1:33 pm

I broke up with my long-distance boyfriend of almost 2 years, a little less than 3 months ago. I had just gotten out of a 12-year marriage and he also had just left an 8 year marriage. We met through our ex’s as they were having an affair, leading us to each other. We leaned on each other to heal and it worked for a while. Eventually, I realized though i had to work through the hurt I had previously experienced so I could give him what he deserved, my whole heart. I have done a lot of work in that time and realized I maybe made the wrong decision to break it off. I miss having him in my life and worry that maybe he might be the one that got away. I messaged him recently but haven’t heard back. I know he really loved me and was very hurt when I broke it off. I know I should probably just leave it alone but I miss us. Should I just move on with my life and hope for the best with the regret I feel?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

November 23, 2019 at 12:39 pm

Hi Melissa, so if you have got over what your ex has done then you can reach out and see how he feels about talking to you again but start off as being his friend and build it up as you did the first time. If you have not dealt with those feelings then continue to work on yourself. When you are cheated on there is a lot of emotions people need to go through before they can be over that, it does not mean that you wont develop feelings for someone else, but some people need to be alone to get over the first initial break up before they can full commit, like yourself. When you have done the work needed to forgive your ex before, then you can work on building a new relationship with the new guy if thats what you want by that time.

Ann

November 1, 2019 at 11:49 pm

Hi,
Me and my ex boyfriend had big fight and he told me so many mean things. I broke up with him after that but now I regret that. He block me after that and now after couple days he unblock me. He told me he wants time for thinking if he wants be with me. I really don’t know what does that mean. I try text him but he is ignoring my messages. Also we are in long distance relationship and it is not first time we broke up. I really love him and i want get him back. Im not sure if he want move on or he is still thinking about me. I saw him on dating app too.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

November 2, 2019 at 2:12 pm

Hi Ann so if hes asked for time then allow him to think and make a decision if you call him and hassle him it isnt going to keep him

Ann

October 27, 2019 at 4:40 pm

Hi,
My boyfriend and I had big fight. He told me so many mean things and I couldn’t forgive him right away so I broke up with him. He block me after that. Now after couples days I really want him back. I told him many rude things too and I’m feeling sad. This is not first time we broke up and I don’t know if this will work out.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

October 27, 2019 at 7:39 pm

Hi Ann, if you want your ex back, you are going to give yourself your best chance by following the steps advised by Chris starting with No Contact

Lila

August 15, 2019 at 1:32 am

Hi,thankyou so much for the article.im in a real mess right now.i was with my boyfriend for a few months and it was really serious and we decided to get married soon…but my mom was always against him..hated him too much.she was always poisoning me against him and I ended up ditching him really and without even giving him a reason .now I really want him back…it’s been 4 months and he’s already dating a friend of his.he thinks all that time I used him for stuff and was never serious about him..which isn’t true.
Nadia

May 28, 2019 at 3:16 pm

I broke up with my ex boyfriend after two years. We were extremely in love but he had commitment issues and towards the end I suspected infidelity and became complacent. After leaving him he waited several weeks to call me back. He didn’t expect the breakup to stick and I was in a rebound relationship a month later. I was so upset by how things ended with my ex I told him we’d never reconcile. He pursued me for 3 months. I finally told him if I hadn’t moved on I would have considered giving him a second try but I am in a relationship. I ended my rebound relationship but my ex who I was with for 2 years is now in a relationship. I contacted him and he said he believes she is a rebound and he’s still upset he’s not with me but I broke his heart and he isn’t sure that he could trust me and how does he know I won’t do this again. Anyhow I contacted him off and on for 2 months and decided I couldn’t do it anymore.It was torture for me because I was experiencing the breakup all over again as a single person. I’m open to dating others but I know now that he’s what I want. Especially since he made positive changes since I left. He expressed he wants me in his future and thinks of me all the time. I did all of the reaching out the past two months. He reached out first once. But told me he likes when we talk and he’ll reach out more if I want him too. We even met up for a few minutes and the chemistry was palpable but we kept it light and only exchanged hugs. A few weeks later I told him I still cared for him but the dynamic isn’t healthy bc I want to be with him not friends with him. I told him I’d love to hear from him in the future if he reconsiders. It seemed like he wanted me to chase him and I was becoming bitter bc I did have valid reasons for leaving. He never responded when I texted and it’s been 4 days and he always responds. This is coming from the guy who said he wanted to marry me, move in and be a step dad to my daughter. I’m not sure if I came on too strong or if he is just figuring things out. We have both said we believed we were soulmates in the past and I don’t want to lose him forever.

Chris Seiter

May 28, 2019 at 10:07 pm

Hi Nadia…so its always good to have a sensible ex recovery plan. Take a look at some of the resources I offer (EBR PRO Bundle) as I think it will help with your situation.

Honey bunny

May 21, 2019 at 12:42 pm

Hey ,so i brole up with my boyfriend after being in a relationship for 1.4 yrs…he was the most sweetest guy on earth but as i got out of a bad breakup ,i literally took him for granted.but the main reason i broke up with him is cuz he was 2 yrs younger than me.i couldnt handle the pressure that was coming from my families nd friends.so i broke up with him eventhough i cared about him so much…at that time i just felt like he wasnt going to be ready anytime soon…for marriage and stuff…i un friended him on fb…for 5 months but when he asked me why i did that i added him back…nd he tried to keep contact with me eventhough i knew if we did that we would end up together so i refused to meet up with him…in the mean time i was going through depression…nd just became soo occupied with my well being…after 6 months of break up,i met a guy who seemed to be a great guy but turned out to be a narccissist…so after dating him for 5 months we decided to end things… after that ive been single for over a year.nd started to respond tomy ex…as i was more of myself nd settled…he has always been trying to reach out thes past 2 yrs…and i didnt want to meet up with him…so about a month ago i called him after a long time nd texted each other a couple of times…and i asked him if he would like to hv coffee by text but he didnt reply for a day,then i texted him saying how about we grab some food nd he replied back by saying,i would like too…then i texted him u seem to be busy thesedays nd he went all silent on me for 5 days.after that i sent him a text saying i thought we both wanted to meet up ,anyways am sotty for whatever happened between us…sorry that i was selfish nd didnt consider ur feelings…then after 3 days he said to me by text”you did the right thing why r u apologizing “….after that i texted him saying”you havent been replying to my text nd i felt like u r mad at me”…after that its been a week nd he hasnt replyed or texted me back.do u beleive that there is a chance of us getting back together?if not i dont want to bother him..
Olivia

May 20, 2019 at 12:50 am

Thank you for answering all my questions 🙂 yes will be checking for an open slot this week, I look forward to speaking with u/ur team. I’ll be focusing on my recovery in the mean time, I think a medium/long time line is the minimum for me.. I never rly doubted his feelings before but I told my sister about it and and she said he was just testing to see if I would respond and when he could see I still had some feelings and hadn’t moved on, he was satisfied and so stopped replying. I know I shouldn’t be examining everything like a sign but even in the picture how he immediately stopped replying once I said I’m willing to wait, I think that may kind of be true. 🙁

Chris Seiter

May 20, 2019 at 3:27 am

Hi again Olivia…so if you check our Coaching Page, you will see that we have opened up the Coaching Calendar. Anna Gonowon, my Senior Coach, who is terrific by the way, should have some slots available. Yes, guys will do that..test and probe…sometimes pulling off….then trying again later.

Olivia

May 18, 2019 at 4:37 am

Thank you for the reply, Chris! I have taken a look at your programs and I saw that you’ve been fully booked for one on one coaching this month so I’ve decided to sign up on the waiting list, meanwhile looking through some of the interesting stuff on your website. I want one-on-one as I feel my situation is really different, though I’m sure everyone’s Situation is unique. What I’m a little worried about is whether he would ever change, because I don’t see how it could work if he doesn’t become more responsible.. I just want him to try and improve, but I tried to be supportive for two years and he would try for a little bit and then give up and go back to his drinking all day ways, and I just don’t know if it’s worth it anymore. Would you say better communication and relationship may help towards that or maybe I should consider really just moving on completely? Because I just don’t see how telling him he needed to change before we can get together was well received. I know we love each other and felt like it was special but I don’t know anymore if that’s enough.

Chris Seiter

May 18, 2019 at 11:13 pm

Hi Olivia….thanks for signing up for the waiting list. Feel free to keep checking the Coaching links to see when we open up the calendar. Should be within the week. I don’t advise moving on until you have exhausted all reasonable efforts. But meanwhile, your focus should be on your ongoing healing/recovery and personal growth. Time is your friend and often it smooths out these things with a little help

Olivia

May 17, 2019 at 2:54 am

Hello Chris/Amor,

I had a very messy relationship with my ex as he was drinking a lot and not being responsible finding a job and improving himself. We broke up a lot over the last 2 years we were together, mainly initiated by me and sometimes we’re apart for months but somehow always ended up patching up. This time he really went over the line turning up at my place at 6am drunk when my younger sister was here and he was really rude because I wouldn’t let him in. I was so angry and messaged him that he could never come back again and then blocked him. He sent me a long text msg saying he’s really sorry and to not be upset abt it as it was all his fault and to take care and all the best. I sent him back a long message, heart broken at the time, saying thank you for the message and that I didn’t hate him and I still love him and to take care too. For 2 weeks we didn’t say anything and then he texted out of the blue to ask how I was and if I was still mad at him and that he was missing me. I didn’t reply. A week later he messaged me saying he’s rly sorry and he loves me and didn’t blame him if I didn’t want to speak with him again. I didn’t reply again. After that another week later, he starts trying to call me saying he really loves me and is sorry and won’t drink around me again. I decided to respond by saying that it’s not just the drinking and if he was rly sorry to respect my wishes to move on. He said he really just wants to talk to me which I didn’t Respond to. A few days later he tried calling me in the middle of the night saying he’s sister is in hospital and to call him pls. I called him and then we spoke for around 10 minutes, which was at first abt his sister and then he tried to swerve the topic and said sorry and that he wish he could take back that night, and that he wouldn’t drink around me. I said that’s not good enough, and he said I know, I know u want me to not drink full stop. And after asking him questions he said he hadn’t been looking for job because he had been having a lot of stress in his life. He said he knew I still had love for him. Anyway he could tell I was done because I said it myself and asked me “u’ve really gone off me now haven’t u?” And I just agreed with mmmm. And then the conversation was killed because his phone died. So then he messaged me a while later to say his phone died and to call him tomorrow if I’m tired but only up to me. I texted him saying that I appreciate him saying sorry and he won’t drink around me again but I said u know that’s not just it. And that I would only say this once – u have a drinking problem and yet u keep drinking and u don’t try to find work, I know u have a lot of stress in ur life but I don’t want to try again, I rly don’t have the energy if ur going to keep on drinking and not doing anything to improve. He texted saying I should be asleep right now (it was 3 or 4am) and that I know how much he loved me and that he is sorry that he offended me and that he promise because he rly cares abt me and doesn’t want to lose me he will stop everything. Just one more chance is all he was asking for. I replied (and this maybe was my mistake…): yes about to go bed, having sahur as it’s ramadan. Thank u for saying all that. I think ur sweet and I want to believe as well that u will stop everything. But I need to see it happen first and I’m willing to wait a little to see if it does from afar. I don’t think it’s smth that can happen overnight and I don’t want us to try again until u’ve rly stopped and tried to get a job because I know we’re just going to end up falling out again”. Now it’s been 5-6 days and he didn’t say anything. I’m just wondering did I say the wrong thing? I do love him still but I know it won’t work if he doesn’t change, but I don’t know if saying I’m willing to wait for him was a little too much like I was getting ahead of myself? And whether I should just protect myself and not respond anymore to his texts? And I don’t know whether I confused him because now suddenly I’m giving him hope again and maybe that makes him confused and feel upset.

Chris Seiter

May 17, 2019 at 4:36 pm

Hi Olivia….usually its best to have a solid and sensible ex recovery plan so you don’t get lost in the minutia of if this went right or wrong. Take a look at Program as it take a more holistic look at how you might want to approach all of this.

Marie

May 1, 2019 at 9:28 pm

Long story short we were engaged for 6 months and I sort of dragged my feet in the whole wedding thing and eventually broke it off after months of counseling. I miss him terribly and regret my decision but he’s ignoring me. I don’t know what to do. I’ve texted a few times with minimal response if any at all.
Farrah

May 1, 2019 at 6:36 pm

Hi,
I was with my boyfriend for 14 months we moved in together 7 months ago. Around November it got rocky and we had our first break up he moved out for a week, due to me being impulsive. And again Feb, he left for two days I asked him to come back. And this time in April I got upset because he was thinking of going to Cal Poly which is far. And I was not having it I got upset told him to leave. Of course I didn’t mean it. Our relationship was a little rocky this year, constant fighting. But I regretted it a week later I begged him to come back he said no that his feelings for me were gone and I must learn and move on that he not coming back. He has never ever said this me. It hurt to I begged. And he blocked me . Then I tried no contact, didn’t last I waited on week. Asked if I was still blocked he said nope then 2nd text you haven’t been for a while. Then I responded with I never got closure and some long text about I must accept it he wants space . (Because thy day I asked him to leave it got bad he called me names made me cry and got a little violent with my things.) anyways he didn’t respond to my long text. So then the next day I text again and I called once. I still wasn’t blocked but he did ignore me. So I went to No contact again. I do miss him. And I can’t believe he hasn’t appoglized to me for the way he acted the last time we seen each other. What should I do?
Lyne

April 28, 2019 at 11:18 am

I knew my ex 3 months before we started dating. For him it was love at first sight and he spend months to win over my heart. When I finally opened up to him, I fell in love. We dated for a 6 weeks. He was so sweet, funny, charming. We were so alike! But after 4 weeks, he changed. Took distance. Messages got less frequent, his behaviour slowly changed. We both have the same demanding job with a lot of days abroad. For him it is his first job (I’m 6y older) and recently problems occured in his private life. So he was very busy. When he gosted me for 3 days, I decided I couldn’t handle the situation anymore. I didn’t know what I did wrong and he didn’t want to explain. His cold behaviour broke my heart. So I broke up with him because I felt I didn’t have a choice. 3 weeks later I still miss him so much. I did no contact immediatelly. But we are still in the same Whatsapp group due to our job. I don’t repply to what he posts in there and vise versa. I can’t leave the group sinse I need it occasionally for my job.

Can I reach out to him casually after 3 weeks or do I need to wait longer?

Chris Seiter

April 28, 2019 at 5:58 pm

Hi Lynnn….so if you are employing No Contact, then a 21 days NC period may be a good fit for your situation. In my Program, I discuss in detail the texting strategy you can use to make contact.

Bailey

April 28, 2019 at 9:18 am

I broke up with my boyfriend of 5 years just 2 days ago..and I am already regretting it. I miss him, we have agreed to stay friends. I broke up with him because we have different goals in life, and in order to fulfill our goals, one need to sacrifice their own goal…. My family doesn’t like him but was okay with him as long as I am happy. Should I give myself more time? I don’t feel happy at all. I feel really lonely, I don’t even know if I miss him or I just miss being in a relationship. I really don’t know what to do…

Chris Seiter

April 28, 2019 at 5:59 pm

High Bailey…sometimes you just need to give each other some space and sometimes that space may grow to be a few weeks long or longer. Depends on the situation. Take a look at my digital Program as I think it can help you going forward.

Stacy

April 24, 2019 at 1:41 am

I was with my bf for 15 months. He was amazing at first. We are both in our 40s with failed marriages. He wanted a sincere relationship I wanted transparency. So a few months into dating he moved in. I gave him the code to my phone just to be open not for him to read all my messages. I didn’t have anything to hide but still. I would come in the room he would be reading my messages. He didn’t like I hugged people especially men. Like from my church or family. My ex husband and I were married for 23 years I still have a bond with some of his family. He told me I shouldn’t talk to them. I had divorced the ex. I never went out with my friends he said he wouldn’t like it. This is the Third time I had him to leave.he questioned who I talked to and why. A week after this break up. He is in a relationship with someone two hours from his place. I can’t help but think he was taking to her before leaving. He has been liking photos of her on social media. But if I had liked any mans photo in there it would have been war.

Now I feel like I gave up the best man ever. Because he was good to me and my kids. He’s been gone six weeks and I feel I want him back. But not sure I should. What are your thoughts

Chris Seiter

April 25, 2019 at 12:33 am

HI Stacy….sometimes these relationships that have a lot of traction (23 years) results in deep roots which can contribute to bringing back the two parties back into each other’s orbit. So this other relationship could be a rebound or grass is greener type. Time will tell. Continue doing the things to helps yourself in the healing department, while at the same time reinforcing your value in various ways…often small ways.

Sammy

March 6, 2019 at 10:51 am

Hi.
The relationship was for around 2 and half years. Up and down but solid connection. Love was real, I know that he does. Didn’t reallt need to question it ever .Outside things causing the up and down. He has a lot of issues, depression, insecurities and ex wife problems with kids. It’s been tough being the girlfriend.
I broke it off as struggling with the issues. He forced the decision, I immediately said it wasn’t what I wanted. I just wanted his support and for him to listen to my struggles
Wasn’t a great breakup, as I let it all out but that was over messages. All the hurt and resentment- I did tell him I didn’t want him around , as pushing him away due to fear of being hurt and couldn’t forgive a few things he did. He ignored the context and took it as ‘can’t be with someone who doesn’t want me around or want me’
He messaged me to say he has moved on and accepted I don’t want him, that I should move on too and find my happiness and a healthier person to be with, as for me, that is not him.
It didn’t work out because of his baggage and how we are as people.

He also told me he was going to move and that we should avoid each other for a while. And if we saw each other he would be nice & could I be nice too. That he is single and so am I. He said you just get on and move on as simple as that. If I meet someone he is ok with that and if he does that is ok too.
It was all a bit frantic messages from him but really hard to hear.

He then wouldn’t respond to any messages at all. For four days I messaged, mainly asking him to talk to me and support the conversation, but prior to that I was OTT with hurtful words on his issues and what it has been like being with him.
The last time he messaged me was following me asking why he is being so cold and refusing to respond to my messages. He could block me if easier. He responded to say, you ended it so unfortunately we both now need to move on. I should be able to control myself and not message him.
I left him a open message to contact me should he want to, to discuss this properly.
I didn’t message again and it’s been around 20 days. I think he has gone forever. Initially my gut said he was hurt, He has a fragile ego, and overthinks and offen avoids the pain and shuts down. Blocked me on Facebook. Wouldn’t blocked me anywhere else despite my request. I can only move on and accept he his stance. I am not sure this no contact is working as he has radio silenced me totally. It has given me peace to come to terms with things but I love him and would rather be with him. I do know though, he has issues and needs to seek some work on himself to change the dynamics of the relationship with me supportive of that. I think though, if a man doesn’t want to lose you, he doesn’t let you go. Not for this long. I think it was middle of January we broke off. So he dealt with it from that point. I didn’t until contact stopped.
What do you think?
Rach

January 24, 2019 at 8:32 pm

Hi,

I was with my ex for 10 yrs. I had after 6/7th yr I had endrimetrosis (pain during sex condition). It took a long time to sort. But by then I didn’t realise (thought it was all about me as I’m the one that had the condition) but it traumatised him a bit too and he associated sex as a negative from there after.
Also we both weren’t great at addressing things and just communicating. So after 10 years after I turned 37 I freaked out that I’m never going to have sex again. We weren’t engaged/talked about kids- we both didn’t really discuss it. Not something on our radar. But as a 37 woman all of a sudden I felt this weird pressure. And I left him.
He’s not an emotional person but on the day I left and for a while after – he was so upset and didn’t go to work. He’s emotionally unavailable and this broke him. I know it did.
We stayed in touch. We’re still so fond of each other. I’ve had so much time to figure out who I am and what I want and after 1 yr I still wanted him. Now it’s 2 years and I still want him. Its really hard to know what approach to take. So I done NC, then build up some positive interactions. Then I asked to meet recently and he said ‘sorry I can’t, we will do soon though’ and that’s it. He’s reluctant. I never put any pressure. He knows he had the power. I probably text every few days. And make him laugh or go with a topic I know he’ll be interested in. Finally he’s started asking a question back. Any advice? I’m sure I want him back xx

Chris Seiter

January 24, 2019 at 11:37 pm

I Rach….so think in terms of little steps, slowly rebuilding the connection. Small steps to rebuild is more practical than giant leaps.

Gie

November 30, 2018 at 11:39 pm

When your ex boyfriend broke up with you and he block your number entirely afterwards, is that a dead end already? He said he needs to see that i change my behavior.. He said the future can only tell and that he is in control if he will unblock me or not.

Chris Seiter

December 1, 2018 at 12:11 am

Hi Gie!

No, I don’t think so. It is not unusual for someone to act impulsively or angrily post breakup. Your ex seems a bit full of himself as he talks about controlling everything. Take a look at my Program as it relates to the No Contact principle. Tap into some of my resources and tools!

Rachael

August 15, 2018 at 6:40 am

Hi,

I was with my ex boyfriend for nearly 3 years. We met at uni and it was great, lots of fun and special times. Towards the end of our relationship it was obvious that he was into going out and getting drunk a lot more than I was and if drink was involved we’d normally end up arguing. I started training to be a teacher and decided to break up with him. I then got into another relationship about a month or so afterwards which ended after six months – it was a very toxic relationship. It’s now been just over a month since that breakup and I messaged my original ex boyfriend after not speaking for almost a year. We met and went for lunch and he says he still has feelings for me and I felt those feelings come rushing back. I now cant stop thinking avoabout him and whether I should have even have broken up wirh him in the first place. He wants to meet up again but right now doesn’t know how to act upon his feelings because of the hurt of the break up. What do I do? Keep meeting and building rapport with him to see if there is a chance that we could rekindle our relationship?

R

Chris Seiter

August 17, 2018 at 2:46 pm

Yes, Rachael…I think you go slow like you don’t know each other and rebuild trust and the connection. Also, you might want to take a look at joining my Private Facebook Support Group as there is a lot of sharing and idea exchanges within the group about matters like this.

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121 thoughts on “I Regret Breaking Up With My Ex Boyfriend; How Can I Get Him Back?”