If You Were Blindsided By Your Breakup Here's What You Do...

120 thoughts on “If You Were Blindsided By Your Breakup Here’s What To Do…”

Sabrina

October 15, 2016 at 2:45 pm

Hi,
My ex and I were dating for 3 months. Our best friends were all dating each other and we had a wonderful summer together. I thought everything was going great, until he started to seem more distant. I asked him questions about why things were off and he said that everything was perfect. He ignored me for an entire weekend and then broke up with me on the Monday. We were together the friday and everything seemed to be OK. I didn’t know that I was going to be wanting him back right away, so I decided to contact him so that I could speak. We met up yesterday and I got to tell him all that I was feeling, since during the breakup he’s the only one that spoke. I found out that he feels as though things got awkward and as if nothing was happening in our relationship. I told him that for a relationship to work both people have to put in effort and I never got the impression that he was putting in the work… Now, all of my best friends think that I’m better off without him.. I disagree. I know this person very well and I know that we clicked. The way I was when I was with him was at my best and the same goes for him, we bring out the best in each other. He is my best friend and I want him back. I am officially trying the no contact rule, but I’m skeptical. If he broke up with me because he felt like things weren’t working, do you think it would work?
Thank you!!!

Sabrina

January 9, 2017 at 7:02 am

Hi,
So some time has passed and I had decided not to contact him again. I did not feel as though it would do me any good since I got nothing but silence during the no contact zone. I ended up meeting someone and now we’re seeing each other, which is very exciting. Despite that, tonight, i attended a friend’s birthday party where I knew my ex was going to be. When he walked in I waved and he smiled For the entire night, every time i was near him he would turn around and focus on making conversation with someone else as if he were avoiding me. It happened all night long. I did catch him staring at me (it was quite obvious, nothing im reading into). None of this matters because I’m happy with the guy I’m seeing now, but just out of curiosity what do you think this could imply? Of course, we don’t know what he’s thinking… but to me this is a sign of him being unable to approach me and confront me; if anything I felt like I was intimidating to him the whole night and not like he was ignoring me to be mean and make me feel bad.
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 9, 2017 at 5:26 pm

maybe he was intimidated or he wasn’t sure if you’ve really moved on, so he kept his distance
Sabrina

November 30, 2016 at 12:28 am

Hi amor,
So i ended up waiting much longer than a month to contact my ex because i still found myself obsessing over the break up and I knew that this wasn’t going to be easy for me if I was still vulnerable. Today i decided to text him because i wanted directions to this neighbourhood he once showed me. I was nice and breezy in my text but he just answered with the directions and thats it.. i didn’t get anything out of the conversation.. What do you think I should do?
EBR Team Member: Amor

November 30, 2016 at 7:20 pm

Initiate a topic that he loves talking about.. Let’s just say, he just answered what you asked because he feels awkward to initiate a conversation.. Don’t over analyze
Sabrina

November 7, 2016 at 5:20 pm

Hi again!
So I’ve been doing the no contact rule (i have one week left)! I’m still close with his best friend and today at school I saw him and his best friend walking and i was going in the same direction. my ex was a little ahead and i was talking to his friend about something, at one point he just turns around and says SUP and i just say hey and continue my conversation, it was a 30 second interaction because they had to turn to go to their class. I don’t feel the need to analyze this situation because literally nothing happened, but this combined with another story that his best friend told me is confusing me.
One night at a party my ex’s best friend told me that my ex had mentioned me this week (which is super weird because my ex never mentions me even when we were dating; hes a very private person and deals with things internally). He just had told his best friend how when the volume is at 13 i have to change it to 14 or 15 because it gave me a little bit of anxiety.
To me, this might be a sign that he’s thinking of me. I don’t know if its a negative or a positive.. I don’t know if the no contact rule is working..
I’m sorry I know this is long but im just trying to make sense of it all without over analyzing or trying to find something that isn’t there!
EBR Team Member: Amor

November 7, 2016 at 11:38 pm

yeah, he did thought of you and that’s good! He remembered you at that moment!
Sabrina

October 31, 2016 at 11:03 pm

We’re both 19. It was when we weren’t together that I felt the lack of effort. When we were together he was very nice to me and made me feel really good. But when we weren’t together he didn’t really text me much. Honestly, I think he got tired of me asking him if everything was ok. I have a lot of anxiety and some times brought it into the relationship. But I’m working on my anxiety. All of our friends are dating each other and we’re close with each other’s friends. We haven’t spoken in three weeks and I feel okay without him, but every day I find myself thinking of things I want to tell him and showing him things that I think he’d find funny. I know I’ll be good without him and I don’t miss him because I miss having a boyfriend. But I miss having HIM as a person.
EBR Team Member: Amor

November 1, 2016 at 6:26 pm

Ah.. hmm he found you needy? Then, that’s good that you’re starting to work on it.
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 16, 2016 at 6:14 pm

Hi Sabrina,

How old are you both? There’s no guarantee that it will work.. How did it happen that he’s not putting in effort while you felt that it was the best at the same time? Did he got bored of the relationship?

Michael

October 13, 2016 at 4:02 am

I was somewhat blindsided by a breakup last month. I knew he was having a hard time because of health issues and being stressed by work but I felt we were making progress towards things getting better in the relationship. He told me he wanted time to focus on himself and that he didn’t know if he wanted to try making it work with me afterwards because it might not be fair to me. I asked him if he wanted me to give him some time and space which he did so I haven’t tried to contact him in over a month. The last thing he said was that he loved me before he got off the phone. I have been working on myself with the help of a few self help books over the last few weeks but I guess I’m just starting to wonder if I should give up hope in him ever making contact again?

Michael

October 14, 2016 at 5:17 am

I told him to contact me if he wanted to talk again so I kinda figured he will if he ever wants to. I don’t want to pressure him into talking if he’s not ready.
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 13, 2016 at 3:37 pm

Hi Michael,

why not initiate contact instead?

Torn

October 12, 2016 at 3:11 pm

Hi,

Not sure if you got my first message… In No Contact on day 8 and he texted me yesterday a remixed song from my favorite artist. We are both really into music and he would do this all the time for me. I did not reply when during no contact I probably would have. I am dying to see how he is. A few hours later he re sent the song and I did not reply again. He is testing me?

Our break up was bad. He kicked me out and tried to get me back shortly after but I did not go back because of my self respect. He also said horrible things like leave me alone. Etc. I guess I am staying in No Contact.

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 13, 2016 at 6:22 am

Hi Torn,
yes, you should stay in no contact.

Stubborn and lost

October 12, 2016 at 4:20 am

Hi, so I left a voicemail on the podcast and sent a facebook msg with more details, my email has the first 3 letters of my FB name. Anyways I purchased all the ebooks, listened to the podcast and read over the site. The texting blogs, texting bible and exboyfriend recovery pro all day something different about how to text (I mean they elaborate on each other overall but it’s a little confusing). Then I stumbled onto this blog post and got even more confused about my game plan. I did the no contact but my ex saw that coming because he already knew that I cut off my exes. He just kept saying that he was sorry, this was just for him to get right with himself and that he knows we will talk when the time was right. So I felt like after the no contact and I started texting him that it was just feeding his ego (he’s very prideful and stubborn). He did text back lightening fast over the course of days (I’m on day 11 but haven’t texted in him in the past 4days because I have a full time job and I’m back in college so I’m a little busy but I’m still trying to focus on this as well). He seems interested but uninterested at the same time. I’ve gotten all positive texts from him for the most part, some I felt were slightly neutral. Since I’m on the transition text should I grasp his attention with a story then ask to call and finish it and then tell him “look I’m not interested in a relationship, I’m just trying to build a friendship? (Reverse psychology) or should I got back into no contact because it doesn’t seem like it’s really messed with him? I know I can’t expect him to text first and I know if I asked to call he will most likely say yes to that. But how do I turn the tables? I feel like in his head he’s probably thinking I still can have her because I contacted first and he knows I’m stubborn too. Please refer to my FB msg if possible, it goes into more detail about this and the msg I left on the podcast. Thank you!

Stubborn and Lost

November 7, 2016 at 1:47 pm

And no I haven’t texted him since his bday sat because he never responded to my last text (which I didn’t listen to my gut and not send because the text before was the high point – I’ll watch that). He still hasn’t text, so should I text him today, tomorrow or in a few days? What kind of text should I use and how long should I keep the convo going?
EBR Team Member: Amor

November 7, 2016 at 9:30 pm

It’s ok to initiate, as long as you’re the one ending the conversations in high note…you can use the themes, you can use current topics or continue topics that you were talking about before..and when you’re transitioning to calls, transition a good convo text to a call when it’s about to hit high point and then end the call in high point…
Stubborn and Lost

November 7, 2016 at 1:42 pm

I had decided to finish the no contact for another full 30 days and he contacted me on day 14 but I ignored him and then ran into him the day before no contact ended. He looked like he wanted to hug me and talk to me. I didn’t hug him though, was I wrong? And I kept the convo really brief not seeming like anything. I texted him happy bday the following day and those texts were positive, I told him I hoped all was well and it was nice seeing him and he said it back but he never really said if he was doing good or not he just said he hoped all was well with me also and then when I didn’t respond, 4 mins later he said and it was nice seeing me too, good sign?

So do I start trying to text everyday again using the same text themes? Or spread the text out?
When I get him on the phone do I follow the same rules about phone calls?

What if he doesn’t text me first again is that a bad sign? Or should I just be the one to make the first move again?

Thank you all your advice!!
Stubborn and Lost

November 7, 2016 at 1:41 pm

I had decided to finish the no contact for another full 30 days and he contacted me on day 14 but I ignored him and then ran into him the day before no contact ended. He looked like he wanted to hug me and talk to me. I didn’t hug him though, was I wrong? And I kept the convo really brief not seeming like anything. I texted him happy bday the following day and those texts were positive, I told him I hoped all was well and it was nice seeing him and he said it back but he never really said if he was doing good or not he just said he hoped all was well with me also and then when I didn’t respond, 4 mins later he said and it was nice seeing me too, good sign?

So do I start trying to text everyday again using the same text themes? Or spread the text out?
When I get him on the phone do I follow the same rules about phone calls?

What if he doesn’t text me first again is that a bad sign? Or should I just be the one to make the first move again?
Stubborn and Lost

November 5, 2016 at 8:06 pm

So I wind up not contacting him for another 30 days and he contacted me for the first time on day 14 texting “hey what’s up, how are you?) but I ignored this msg because I was doing no contact again. Anyways it ended today which is also his birthday, but I actually ran into him last night at a mutual friend’s play. idk how he spotted me because he was rolls over and seats down and it was dark for the most part. Anyways during the 15 min intermission he walked up to me out of nowhere with open arms as if as he wanted to hug me. We caught eye contact the entire time and I just genuinely smiled and looked at him (it was a real emotion) I was happy to see him (I felt that connect which I didn’t feel earlier this year so maybe he felt it too?) and he genuinely looked happy to see me but for some reason I didn’t hug him. I talked to him briefly because he asked why I was there and I told him and then I carried on to the bathroom (where I was already going) and that was that.

I texted him happy birthday at midnight and with a good memory text and video from his birthday last year celebrating. All of the texting was positive. At one point I was messing around with the new feature on iPhone texting not knowing that it sent as soon as I did it. After he texted me it was nice seeing me, iPhone sent a heart and kiss and it showed that he was about to send something back using the same feature until I texted back “lmao sorry didn’t mean to send that I was just messing with the thing and then he sent back lol o ok.” Then we continued the convo. Also I didn’t listen to my gut and didn’t end at a high note. I sent one last text and he hasn’t responded.

When I saw him it’s like he wanted to talk to me but didn’t know how to receive me? :/ I know I’m still in love and something is there because I didn’t know how I would feel when I saw him again or how he would react but it felt so natural and positive after everything.

(I felt that connect which I didn’t feel earlier this year so maybe he felt it too?

It caught me off guard but I didn’t seem bitter or angry but should I have hugged him?

I wasn’t sure if that was what he was trying to get exactly?

I figured he was happy to see me because he didn’t have to make his presence known I didn’t know he was there. And he hates being ignored which I did with the text but he still seemed so happy to see me?

It felt natural texting this time around but I feel like I should have ended or not text back the last text? Because he hasn’t responded and I feel like I failed at matching his text.

Today is his birthday so do I just wait it out, do I initiate contact again today, tomorrow or in a few days? Maybe transition to phone call sooner than later? Tell him I’m like a week that since that day I couldn’t get him off my mind to try to gauge where he’s at?

Should I maybe re add him on FB since I deleted him?
EBR Team Member: Amor

November 7, 2016 at 12:29 am

I thought you already greeted him.. but did you text him again? dont confess when you’re just a week in texting. That’s too early and dont be too available. Dont rush. If he’s consistently replying positively, transition to calls in the second week
Stubborn and lost

November 5, 2016 at 6:52 pm

So I wind-up not texting or contacting him for another 30days and on day 14 he actually contacted me for the first time texting “hey what’s up, how are you?” but this I ignored it. Today was the last day of no contact but yesterday I actually happened to run into him at a mutual friend’s play. During the 15 min intermission he came up to with open arms as if he wanted a hug (I didn’t hug him though) but the whole time that he was nearing me we held eye contact and all I could do was smile (he genuinely seemed happy to see me). I felt our connection which I didn’t really feel this past year so I’m sure he felt it. He asked me what I was doing there and I told him the friend asked me to come. I was already on my way to the bathroom so I kept it moving. And that was the end of our convo.

Was I wrong for not hugging him, I didn’t seem bitter or angry or anything. I genuinely smiled at him and answered his question (kept it brief).

Anyways today is his birthday and I’m feeling some type of way because it’s the first one in 4 years I haven’t spent with him :/ I did text him at midnight saying happy birthday and doing a good memory text. The interaction between texting felt more natural this time around. I feel like I failed at matching his text and ending it at the high point tho. I sent the statement I hope all is well with him instead of asking how he was. He sent the same thing back but I actually elaborated in a sentence instead, should I have not? And like my gut told me when the high point was but I sent one last text that he hasn’t responded to. I won’t do it again but our entire convo was positive, he even said it was nice seeing me last night as well. If he doesn’t text back today do I text tomorrow or in a few days?

His mom has also been liking all of my stuff on FB, I haven’t talked to her just as long as I haven’t talked to him. Is she trying to get my attention?
Stubborn and lost

October 18, 2016 at 11:15 am

So should I just get back to texting him? It seemed like he was maybe wondering why I kept randomly texting. Idk what to say during the transition, should I ask how he’s been finally? I just felt like he needed some more time. But why he did he take down our pic? Is he mad? Or trying to get a reaction? Or maybe he saw on my page that mind were gone? Can I go back to texting but how to ease it back in?
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 19, 2016 at 10:14 pm

It looks like you didnt text in the right way becauase you’re over thinking..basically, you’re just supposed to naturally talk.. the first contact texts were to help you start a conversation and then slowly over time, let it naturally flow.. if you suddenly told him you’re not into having a relationship with him and you’re just being friendly when you’re not even talking about that would be weird, right?

You would look like the relationship is really what you want, you’re just trying to make him think otherwise..

Dont overthink. Dont rush. And dont jump into conclusions.. Stop assuming what he probably thinks.. observe his actions but avoid over assume..

You said he was responding positive, that’s good.. Sometimes neutral, which is sometimes normal, especially when the topic is boring or the conversation is unnatural..

If you have built rapport, it was a good idea to do a text first, and then transition that text to call when it’s about to hit the high point..basically, the high point is what you’ll talk about in the call.. and then end the conversation at that call..

that’s it.. dont suddenly mention that you’re not trying to get him back..

and the no contact rule is not really for him to be devastated just by you ignoring him.. it’s for you to improve, and for both of you to have a restart.. If you genuinely improved, it’s ok to initiate contact, as long as you’re the one ending the conversation at high point..

Because in that way you have control, and if you really changed, he probably thinks you’re just being friendly..that way, you can slowly build rapport because he’s not putting his walls up since he can see that you have your own life..

You maintaining yourself and your own life shows that you dont make your world revolve around him..You’re active, so that means you’re already doing that..just dont overthink..

It’s like you’re two people, trying to get to know each other.. let go of the past relationship.. if he toon down your pic, then dont make a big deal out of it because this is a restart right? You broke up, it’s natural that he will remove that because you’re not together anymore..

If he did that to get you angry, dont be angry..because that’s enabling him to do more immature moves..if he did that because he saw yours is gone, then that’s just reasonable for him to do.. it would be weird that he still kept his when you’ve broken up and you’ve removed yours..

so how do you start texting again? Just choose a topic that’s current that he’s interested in..

For example, this is just for example..if he’s interested in the walking dead series, the walking dead season trailer just went out..talk about that.. if he saw it, his opinion, your speculations, what his speculations are, etc..

more natural right? You can do this! Enjoy! you wont build rapport by worrying..
Stubborn and lost

October 16, 2016 at 7:35 pm

So I have yet to do the story text feeling as though it will feed his ego. I haven’t texted him in the past week and he hasn’t texted me. He recently took down a cover photo of us kissing, he changed it after the breakup but still had it in the photos and it was the album cover. Is he upset because I stopped contacting him? Should I text and try now? I actually listened to the podcast with Brad Browning and I’m trying to work with him too… I’m just so confused. I think him hearing my voice would make him feel a certain way?
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 18, 2016 at 10:34 am

wait, if you haven’t built rapport in text, it would be weird if you just called him..
Stubborn and lost

October 12, 2016 at 2:15 pm

No, I did the no contact. I’m on day 11 of texting via the new texting rules guidelines. I’m on the transition text. Should I do a story then ask to call to finish it and then after that use reverse psychology and tell him that I’m not interested in a relationship? The day we broke up he said things like he didn’t want to mistreat me in anyway because how he was feeling and that he wanted me to remain in his life as his bestfriend and he didn’t know that if he wanted to just take a break (neither of us believe in that) then he said stuff like I know where I’m going in life and have things setup for that (back in school) and all types of things of that nature. Then we talked two days later before no contact his demeanor changed and I asked if he just wanted to test the waters or something, he said he doesn’t know maybe and that he was at peace for telling me about the breakup but he still teared up a little because I did…
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 13, 2016 at 6:09 am

Ah ok.. That’s good.. Yeah, you can do the story text but you don’t have to say you don’t want a relationship if he’s not mentioning it.. because you might sound like you’re just trying to convince him
Stubborn and lost

October 12, 2016 at 1:13 pm

No I’m on day 11 of texting based on the new texting rules. I’m on the transition text message.
Stubborn and lost

October 12, 2016 at 4:24 am

Oh and yes I was blinded but not at the same time. Again my FB msg goes more in detail. Thanks again for feedback.
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 12, 2016 at 10:55 am

Hi Stubborn and lost,

Unfortunately I don’t have access in the fb group because Jen(Chris’ wife) handles that but for now, what you typed is enough. What did you mean that you’re in day 11? Day 11 of no contact? If yes, You’re not in no contact rule because you kept talking to him.. And it looks like you wanted to apply everything you’ve read and you’re thinking too much.. If he’s really prideful, he wouldn’t have apologized to you..

April Pierson

October 10, 2016 at 11:23 pm

Hi I do have a question, I was blindsided by my boyfriend. He broke up with me over the phone. But my circumstances are a little different he lost his daughter in an ATV accident last year where he fell on top of her and killed her she was 8 years old. I’ve been with him ever since then so a little over a year now. And he asked me to move in a couple of months ago. I love him with all my heart and I thought he loved me as much. And before I moved in I asked him if he was sure he wanted me to move in and he said he was sure. And it was great we got along great but out of nowhere he he becomes a little more distance and was away on a job for a few days and he finally called me and you broke up with me over the phone. I know what you’re thinking you think he might have someone else but no he’s not that type of man. He said we’re just not compatible and he said his heart died when his daughter died. Everyone around us even his family think I’m the best thing for him and he thought so too at one time. But is there anyway that I can get him back? Also I still live with him because the reason I asked him is he sure that he wants me to move in. Is that I would have nowhere else to go once I moved in I would have to save up quite a bit of money to be able to move back out. So he agreed to let me stay here. Until I’m up on my feet and can find my own place. We are going to stay friends and we get along great talking as friends. Is there any hope???

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 11, 2016 at 4:23 pm

Hi April,

is he in professional help? because honestly that’s what he needs.. he needs to heal from it… I’m not saying I understand, but in his perspective he probably feels guilt and it’s hard to feel love and guilt at the same time.. I think you should check this one too for doing the no contact while living with him:
EBR 027: What To Do If You Live With Your Ex Boyfriend

but in regards to chances, honestly, if that was really the reason, I think he needs to heal first. Maybe not totally, but heal more.. and I don’t think it’s in the near future.. Let’s hope he can do that while being with you but maybe he’s feeling more guilty of being happy when he remembers his daughter.

Carmen

October 8, 2016 at 4:36 pm

So I’m 20 and my ex is 21. My ex and I had been dating for 3 years and in the beginning every thing seemed to be great. He was a great guy to me. This was his first relationship and first everything basically. I went off to college and he stayed home, we remained together up until last week he decided he wants to take break or most likely a full blown breakup he probably was trying to be ease some of the pain off of it. Some of the things that led up to the breakup was the previous weekend he came and visited me in college suprising me and when he seen me I was with a guy who is really honestly like a brother to me. So I introduced them to each to each other and everything. When we get back to my room he’s like “oh yeah, I caught you with another guy” and I’m like please do not start that because we are supposed ro be having a good time. So later on during the weekend my friends from school came to my room and my brother that I was with when my ex seen me came along also. In my mind every thing is going fine. I’m with my boyfriend and my good friends at the same time what could possibly go wrong? So later on in the week after he has left he makes a facebook page and I asked him could we put our relationship status up there and he’s like “it wasn’t up there before so why do it now?”. So I argue back with him letting him know that I always have him on my social media because there are guys that interested in me in my messages and I like them to know who is mine. So he replies with you always talking about someone trying to get at you like you doing me a favor or something. So then after than I just tell him just forget that I even mentioned it and he’s like yeah and who was that dude that you was with when he surprised me at school the past weekend and I tell him exactly who he is and that he doesn’t have to worry about any guys because I love him and the relationship and I wouldn’t do anything to risk losing it and basically the argument led to him saying “so I can have friends that are girls? And I replied yes because I trust that you wouldn’t do anything to damage our relationship so he replied “Say no more” and I did just that because he was wrong. So the next day I finally broke and called him and I asked him what he was doing and how was his day and he tells me but then also says he wants to talk about something serious. He says that we should take a break because he is bored with me and he feels like he is married at 21. He says he loves me and I will always be his first love and I can call him for anything. He wants to be ny best friend he says. I agreed at the time but now it’s a week later with no contact and I am angry that he could be so selfish and arrogant to a person that he has been with for 3 years. I have felt that way also but the love I had him for him was strong enough to endure all of those feelings. It’s so many guys that were interested in me in college while we were together but I never once broke because I loved him too much. Could you please just help me heal my broken heart and help me move on from this?

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 10, 2016 at 5:37 pm

Hi Carmen,

you should read this one:
How To Get Over An Ex Boyfriend When You’re Still In Love With Him

Elle

October 8, 2016 at 3:08 pm

My ex boyfriend and I dated for 3 passionate months. Last Wednesday he dumped me via Facebook video chat…the day before my show opened (professional dancer), the day before my mom came in town (they were to meet). I was blindsided by this, as just an hour before he was offering to buy his and my mother’s tickets to my show and describing where we’d stay (we both are not from the city in which we currently reside) when I was to meet his family later in the fall. I started NC immediately, like as soon as the breakup conversation ended. The next morning I maneuvered retrieving my things and returning his without having to speak to him. I wanted to have my space as cleared of that energy as possible, so that I could focus on maintaining the integrity of my artistic obligations later that evening (compartmentalize and avoid). Also, I refused to be that girl who wallowed in self pity. Much as I may have wanted to binge eat ice cream, my livelihood is dependent upon what I look like. Over the past 10 days: I had a wonderful opening to my show (so many friends came), a fantastic girls’ weekend with my mom, got cast as a lead in an independent documentary film, hung out with friends, lived life, and posted some fun pics on Instagram, the only social medium in which my ex can still view the exciting facets of my life. Yesterday the ex liked one of my photos. Then, while I was hanging out with my guy best friend, he sent me a ‘hey’ text. I have not acknowledged either, and I have no intention of doing so. I’ve only just begun bettering myself to become the ‘ungettable girl.’ I’m flabbergasted and hurt by the method and timing of my breakup. If stupidity were a stick, I’d beat my ex with it. But, I love him, miss him, and firmly believe that something happened to make him all of a sudden want to call things quits. However, I REFUSE to beg for an explanation, or anything at all for that matter. Is this the right stance/attitude to have during NC? Should I limit myself to a 21 day period (I don’t want to fall prey to my tendency to go longer out of spite, killing my chances completely)? While I’m great at NC, I’m not so great at the reintroduction that follows. I want him to reach out to me. Do you have any suggestions for combating pride in the event that he doesn’t reach out again after NC? In the event that I have to be the one to send a tantalizing text?

Elle

October 10, 2016 at 9:00 pm

30 days. Done. Thanks for the article suggestion! I actually read it before this one. My question is really more about intention. Armed with the knowledge to send the perfect text, how do I make myself press send? I’m great at ignoring (opposite problem) and not so great wIth vulnerability.
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 11, 2016 at 3:34 pm

hmmm.. choose a topic that’s current.. so, that it would look natural.. anything in news or in friends life that you know he would be interested in, or something you can ask him about or learn from him
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 10, 2016 at 4:56 pm

Hi Elle,

I think you should do 30 days.. And I think he was pressured to meet your mom.. but it was really cowardly move from him.. The best you can do is to really just keep doing what you’re doing but I suggest you still try initiating contact after 30 days.. check this one for an initial text:
EBR 053: Deconstructing The Perfect First Contact Text Message

Zenifer

October 8, 2016 at 9:30 am

Hey guys! so I known this guy for 10 years we ware friends! Life got in the way! And we reunited after 10 years we both recognized that we liked each other and we started dating! He told me he loves and adores 3 months in everything was perfect until 5 months in when he started to change, he turned cold! After our 6 month anniversary I asked hem in he cares about me and he said that his feelings started to fade and that I deserve better! What makes me wonder is that our sex life was good until the break up, and that he doesn’t erase the pictures of us! Another thing is that he admits that this is his fault and that he doesn’t like the way we ended up! I’m confused I need your help!

Zenifer

October 10, 2016 at 4:43 pm

Yes I applied the no contact rule! But I’m confused! We talked the last time about 3 weeks ago! I can’t tell what is he thinking
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 11, 2016 at 11:22 am

ok, be active in improving yourself.. I’m not sure too on what he exactly he is thinking.. he probably thought everything was moving too fast or something else happened in his life.
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 10, 2016 at 3:42 pm

Hi Zenifer,

so when did you last talked? And are you going to do the no contact rule?

Catie

October 7, 2016 at 4:03 pm

Hi!
I just have a relatively quick question.
My ex blindsided me about a month ago and I had a lot of personal issues going on, so the break up was the absolute worst. I tried to implement of the no contact rule and made the mistake of talking to him when he did contact me. We ended up meeting up at his house and talking, and I spent the night ( I know that was a mistake). He said he didn’t know what he wanted, he said he missed me, but he has commitment problems. He said he would text me but he hasn’t. Is it too late to try the no contact rule? or too late to get him back? I’ve been really trying to work on myself and he did see a change in me, but I need to work on self improvement more! I guess I’m just nervous that he will find someone else. Any suggestions?

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 10, 2016 at 11:23 am

Hi Catie,

if he finds someone else, it won’t matter if you’re there or not.. he will still go out with that someone else.. I don’t think it’s too late to do no contact for self improvement. There’s no guarantee that it will get him back but what’s for sure is that there’s no harm in choosing to improve yourself first instead of staying with a guy who doesn’t want to be with you at the moment.

Imogen

October 6, 2016 at 1:27 pm

Hey EBR team!
I’ve been dating my ex for about a month now. We’re exclusive with each other, he’s taken me out with his friends and told them we were dating, kissed me in front of them, and we’ve both been very open with each other. Much more than our past relationship (we were together for 3yrs).
Now the issue is that he won’t call me his girlfriend, won’t add me back on facebook, and hasn’t mentioned that he’s seeing me to his parents yet. Both of our profiles still say that we’re single.
Yet when we’re together he asks me to stay over for days at a time, doesn’t want me to leave etc. but i feel like we’ve skipped the fun dating phase and gone straight to living together without the title :/ He doesn’t want to do much, and he doesn’t put any effort into planning dates for us (money isn’t an issue, yet he’s always wanting to do the cheaper option), nor does he seem that affectionate when we’re apart.
So my question is, what can i do to change this situation around and get him to start putting more effort in, and get him to ask me to be his girlfriend again?

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 9, 2016 at 12:17 pm

Hi Imogen,

be less available and focus in your own activities.. check this one too:
How To Make Your Ex Boyfriend Commit

blah

October 6, 2016 at 4:47 am

So I thought everything was going fine. We went to a trip to an island and everything waz good great, we had gone to the theater this month and he was excited about moving on from his job and getting a new one. After the island trip he had his interview, he thought everything was fine, but later on the week he found out he wasn’t hired. He got depressed, I let him be and I told him I would support him whatever happened I continued giving him space and it had been a week since we had seen each other. Then on wednesday I got sad cuz he didnt reply a text that I said I miss him. And I was like I dont understand how you cant even take the time to reply cuz like 18 hours had passed. He apologized we kept talking like everything was fine and he kept asking me when I got out of work cuz he wanted to hang. Turns out he asked to have dinner two days later and I said yes and I just got in the car and he started crying saying he couldnt do this anymore, that things were too serious that he couldnt do it. He said he was terrified, that he didnt want to end up marrying me in five years that he didnt want to date anyone fore that tim, that I didnt do anything wrongm He asked to yell at him to punch him to do whatever and he just had this face of profound suffering and I couldnt believe what was happening, neither could his friends, my friends, his family, my fsmily! like I think maybe he is having a quarter life crisis, how the fuck I didnt see this coming, I just thought he was sad that he needef space. I really want him back, I didnt do a single thing wrong. I wasnt clingy, nor high maintainance, I didnt complain of guy nights. I dont fucking know.

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 7, 2016 at 4:54 pm

Hi Blah,

he needs space.. for him right now, spending time with you is a chore.. probably because he’s sad.. he needs to be sad.. so, if you want, just let him be

Patricia

October 5, 2016 at 8:22 pm

I don’t understand why a man would be *pleased* that someone else is suffering so much.

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 5, 2016 at 10:34 pm

yes, it does matter but it’s not just about length..it wont matter how long you did it if you didnt improve yourself and you sound like chasing him when you talk to him

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