Introverted Ex Boyfriends Vs. Extroverted Ex Boyfriends (How To Get Them Back)

213 thoughts on “Introverted Ex Boyfriends Vs. Extroverted Ex Boyfriends (How To Approach Them)”

Lola

November 11, 2015 at 4:50 pm

Hey Chris, wrote you on other post but I will try to talk here since I need ASAP help. So cut the story short I failed NC after 4 days. He bombarded me via whatsapp, text, mail. I gave in, replied back, called and (STUPID ME) begged him to come back. Next day he got suspicious and jealous there was sb else. He realized I am coming back home (not because of him) he begged to come and see me within a month (once I come back to my country). I gave in, replied, agreed. After that I decided I’d rather cut my fingers off then text again and break NC. So here I am with my INTROVERT EX doing 28 days of no contact. He doesn’t contact me either. Friends who saw him said he looked ok, relaxed and overall content. My friend told me that once he caught him looking at out pictures. Still, in two days I should contact him. I did gym 6 days a week, shopping and some other stuff. My friends tell me to contact him that I am back home and tell him that as our relationship is over it would be nice to see each other and talk face2face. Your texting contact posts suggest I should take it slow. Please tell me how I should approach him in these two days so I don’t ruin it for good. BEGGING

Lola

November 22, 2015 at 4:55 pm

I know that I wrote so many comments already but wanted to make updates and seek advice. I sent a “confession msg” saying how I was at our restaurant and I really enjoyed it last time. His reply was neutral after the confession. I didn’t reply. Went 7 days NC. He said to his friend I didn’t reply. 5 days later, he sent a text asking why I wasn’t talking to him. I waited 2 days then sent a funny msg about his stolen water bottle from the gym. Reply short rather cold. And after my next text no reply from him. He came to my city today. He didn’t try contacting me. He knows I am back from abroad. I am loosing hope. Chris, please tell me:
1. Should I give up?
2. Was I too cold?
3. What should I do next?
Lola

November 19, 2015 at 8:09 am

Chris what if he texts me on day 5 during my second turn of 7-day NC asking why I didn’t reply to his text?
Lola

November 17, 2015 at 12:20 pm

I read everything you provide here. Got your Ebooks as well. Really good for texting guidance. And the 6 times a week gym is a great advice! 😛 I took it slow sent a message with “confession” got a reply between neutral and positive. Didn’t reply to that message and doing one week of NC now again. The second message should not be about ” sth reminded me you” type? Is it good for introverts or too emotional?
Chris Seiter

November 17, 2015 at 2:29 am

You still need to take it slow. Start out with a text. Did you read the guide on text messages?

Minnie

November 11, 2015 at 3:50 pm

After about 1 month he tried to reply me such as ah, uhm, yes, ok… (you know that he doesn’t want to be impolite). Now he doesn’t reply me at all. It took him really long time to “seen” my inbox message but still no reply. He also unfollowed me on Facebook.
I’m not that type of an interesting girl, honestly. Although I’ve tried my best to be the most sociable version of me on social network, but simply he lost all his attraction on me, so whatever I do doesn’t matter. That’s all what I understand my situation. I haven’t talk to him about 3 weeks after finishing no contact. I don’t know what to talk to him when he keeps ignores me like that. Feeling hopeless :-<

Minnie

November 19, 2015 at 4:09 pm

Many kinds of text message that I’ve read in your website: Good time remind, remind him about his mother’s birthday, ….
I tried my best to set up a conversation with him. But everything he did is simply ignoring my efforts.
Chris Seiter

November 17, 2015 at 2:30 am

What were your texts to him?

Laura

November 11, 2015 at 7:29 am

Hello Chris,

Let me start by saying I have read many of your articles and I find them very helpful and reassuring. My extrovert boyfriend and I broke up 6 months ago after dating for about 6 months. We were very happy together and did not fight much, we ended things after he cheated on me one night at a party. He told me that I deserved better and that I would be happier if I just moved on. When we first broke up, I did panic and I broke some of the post-breakup rules but by a couple weeks after the break up, I did start following the nc rule. After a while, it got to a point where we would occasionally share very short but friendly text conversations (he was the first one to start to do this but after that initial one I would occasionally start convos). This has really only happened about 5 times since after the nc. He had also unfollowed me on all social media (not blocked, just unfollowed) when we first broke up because he said that he wanted to move on and be happy and he couldnt do that while seeing all my posts. He recently followed me back. Many people have told me that he just associates me with bad feelings for himself because he is upset with himself for hurting me. He doesn’t understand why I would want to get back together with him. I just want him to know that im still in love with him and that I believe that if we were to try again, we could be even happier than we were the first time around but I dont know how to get him to forgive himself and want me back. He is still an extrovert though and presents himself to most people as as confident, funny, and flirty.

Chris Seiter

November 13, 2015 at 12:42 am

How long were you actually in NC for?

You were probably attracted to his extroverted nature, right? I mean, I kinda always admired extroverted people.

Blue

November 11, 2015 at 4:29 am

hi, chris. i wrote to you sometime back abt help with my INTROVERT ex of a 3week relationship. i text 1 short casual text after 37days of NC. H’es STILL NOT REPLYING ME. But i think he viewed my msg at 4am midnight? (Can see on Watsapp). What should i DOOO??? I’m on wits enD!!!! i don’t even know HOW he does this “silent treatment” or WATEVER he’s trying to do~~~~

Blue

November 13, 2015 at 2:31 pm

well i just sent another today, teasing him if he’s still upset i’ll give him cookies.. i use to cheer him up like tat when he’s not in a good mood.. or its a bad idea? but this time round he saw the msg immediately, but still no reply.. hmmm~ how should i coax him to at lease start responding to me..?? Chris heLP me!!! ure like my Love GurU right now~~” HANDS DOWN~~!!!
Blue

November 13, 2015 at 3:04 am

i sent him a wink. before i started NC more than a mth ago. i text 9 emotional msgs. So i felt the most casual was to say Nothing at all?.. he’s still not responding, and doesn’t view my text only after days. He usually doesn’t text past midnight as he only text for work. i know when my text is viewed when the watsapp ticks light green?? and the 9 msgs + the New one i sent last week was viewed 3-4am.. and NO REPLY :SSSS
Chris Seiter

November 13, 2015 at 12:40 am

What was the casual text exactly?

Isla

November 11, 2015 at 12:35 am

Hi Chris,

Ive commented before, was with my boyfriend for 5 months, I initiated no contact the day after break up and I’m 2 1/2 weeks in with no contact from me nor him. I bumped into him at the supermarket today we both would have seen each other but avoided eye contact, I ended up chatting to the old lady behind me to keep distracted and act like i didn’t see him. Was that the right thing to do? He seemed to leave very fast after seeing me does that mean he is completely over me? Im very confused if I should contact him or not. Thanks

Chris Seiter

November 30, 2015 at 9:46 pm

Haha I would have waved and left it at that.

Jo

November 10, 2015 at 4:21 pm

So glad for this post right now!
You are completely right about the worst case scenario. Didn’t see stubborn, introvert ex for two months (lived together 6 years, he ended it due to me having undiagnosed mild work related depression for a year; it’s sorted now as I got rid of my stressors). I reached out to him by emailing and I asked him for help with my parent’s website and we met for two lunch ‘dates’
I’d spent two months working out, lost 15kg getting my sh*t together and felt great and invite He definitely saw the difference in m, and was very gentlemanly. Second time we met was nice. We chatted about general stuff, his body language was positive (kept making excuses to touch me) complimented me and gave me a massive hug and wouldn’t let go but said he’s not open to reconciliation (I made a joke about it, silly I know). I told him he was stubborn, and he said I’ve always know that! He said he wants to know what is going on with me though and tells me how much he cares for me. I know he has been ‘checking up on me’ on social media though I had to take him off Facebook as I couldn’t handle seeing him there and not talking to him.
Now we exchange emails once every few days, however it’s always me making the initiative. I’m at the point where I need to think about future and whether or not it’s best option for me to stay in his city and country (I love it here, but it’s difficult for me to be here in this state of ‘limbo’).
I’m seriously thinking about going no contact again, putting my stuff in storage and heading to my home country for a couple of months without telling him to get some space. I can work remotely and stay with parents. We’re both in our early/mid-thirties. I feel like I’m in limbo and I want to put down roots, just not sure I want to do that here without him. I do want him back, maybe I’m just being too impatient. I just don’t want to be ‘hanging around’ only to find out sometime later he has someone new
What would you recommend to do in this situation? NC again? He only reached out once after the first NC and after this it has been all me.

Chris Seiter

November 13, 2015 at 12:40 am

I know my stuff when it comes to introverts haha.

(I am one so I’d like to think I do know.)

Where is your home country?

I think you can keep trying to work him up the value chain. I mean, you are making progress right?

Sarah

November 10, 2015 at 2:16 am

Hi Chris, we broke up 2 months ago over text, with him refusing to take my calls and telling me not to contact him and he wouldn’t respond if I did. I did 45 days NC and contacted him and got a neutral to positive response. I waited 9 days then sent an intriguing and funny message and then we had a short positive exchange. I thought it had gone really well then 2 hours later I got this negative text from him “I’m still angry with you btw. I wish you hadn’t forced my hand. I don’t know exactly how to deal with you. I feel like I should just ignore you, but I don’t know”. I waited 3 hours and responded “I hope you don’t decide to ignore me. But if you do I will understand and respect that”. The funny thing is that I never did anything terrible to him to delve him breaking up with me” I just got impatient with him from the lack of effort I thought he was making. My plan is to leave it for 3 weeks and send him a light message on Thanksgiving, or should I do NC for longer. Another 45 days since he’s still angry?

Sarah

November 13, 2015 at 2:49 am

Hi Chris, you didn’t respond so I hope it’s because you’re so busy not because you think my case is hopeless and don’t know how to tell me! So to recap, we broke up 2 months ago over text, with him refusing to take my calls and telling me not to contact him and he wouldn’t respond if I did. I did 45 days NC and contacted him and got a neutral to positive response. I waited 9 days then sent an intriguing and funny message and then we had a short positive exchange. I thought it had gone really well then 2 hours later I got this negative text from him “I’m still angry with you btw. I wish you hadn’t forced my hand. I don’t know exactly how to deal with you. I feel like I should just ignore you, but I don’t know”. I waited 3 hours and responded “I hope you don’t decide to ignore me. But if you do I will understand and respect that”. The funny thing is that I never did anything terrible to him to delve him breaking up with me” I just got impatient with him from the lack of effort I thought he was making. My plan is to leave it for 3 weeks and send him a light message on Thanksgiving, or should I do NC for longer. Another 45 days since he’s still angry? He’s a TOTAL introvert, no question.

Cindy

November 9, 2015 at 2:00 pm

Hi Chris! Please help!! It’s really long so apologies in advance but I need your advice!!!
My ex is an introvert, as am I – but i’m very open and trusting and he is less so – he’s more quiet and analytical.
I successfully completed a 45 day NC and I met up with him a while ago. But now i’m back to square one! Here is the catch – I’m not well and this break up has destroyed me, I can’t focus on my studies or anything. He agreed to meet up with me and I told him about how ill I had become. I asked him if he would be around while I battle this and he said he would think about it, not because he doesn’t care but because he’s not sure he can handle it. I’ve been waiting for a response but nothing yet. I sent him a friendly text about a week after meeting and again the other day, but this time asking to see him again (I made it sound as no pressure as possible and respected his decision to continue thinking) as i’ve got a heavy personal decision to make and I need to know if he is gonna support me or not!! He still hasn’t responded and I don’t know why! I don’t know whether to assume he just doesn’t care about me or…?
The whole thing is extremely confusing! I’m very upset because I feel like he abandoned me as he knew I wasn’t well when we broke up and now he knows it’s pretty serious and I feel like he has left me hanging on his response which isn’t fair. His reason for breaking up changes every time – first it was that he couldn’t forgive me for this fight we had (I apologised again when I saw him and he basically confirmed that this wasn’t the reason for our break up as he didn’t seem at all bothered by the fight), then it was that it was because he didn’t feel the same anymore (but then when I saw him he was doing things like walking me home, giving me a really long hug which I kept trying to end but he kept holding on and he looked back when I walked away) and I wonder if he just used that as an excuse to get out of the relationship as I saved us from a break up a couple of weeks before the official break up because he kept saying he loved me and I said if we loved each other then why were we breaking up? His most recent excuse has been that we broke up because the dynamics changed and he doesn’t think that’s something that can be changed (but that makes no sense because dynamics constantly change!!). He said he hasn’t moved on but has moved on from being unhappy and that he doesn’t think i’m a bad person. I was really good to him throughout our relationship – I always made sure he knew how much I loved him, and that I appreciated him and I was grateful to have him in my life. I transformed his life – he went from living at home with his parents to spending a year overseas with me and I helped him get into college and I just don’t feel like he appreciates me or anything that i’ve done for him – he even says I treated him badly but when I asked for examples he couldn’t think of any and in the end said that me treating him badly wasn’t necessarily true, it was just how he felt?! I don’t know what to do as I put so much effort into being a good girlfriend to him and he just thinks I treated him badly when that’s not even true?
I guess I want to know what my chances of getting my boyfriend back are and what you think I should do with regard to texting him as this illness is not going away and I need to know whether he is gonna be there for me or not! Unfortunately time isn’t really on my side at the moment for me to go into NC for another month :/
Please help!! Any advice you can give me would be amazing and so appreciated!

Chris Seiter

November 19, 2015 at 5:44 am

You should text him something positive.

Olga

November 9, 2015 at 7:20 am

the biggest thank you for this article Chris! 🙂 my bf is an introvert and now I know where I went wrong- it could have been obvious to him that I wanted to make him jealous, although I didn’t do it on purpose (I swear). Do you think there’s still a chance to start over after more than a month of no contact? He unblocked be on FB but we’re not friends anymore, aand he changed his phone number. I moved to another city. What do you think about this situation?

Olga

November 13, 2015 at 10:17 pm

No, I don’t have it. The only ways to contact him would be fb (but, as I said, we’re no konger friends) and Skype.
Chris Seiter

November 13, 2015 at 12:38 am

Do you have his new number? If so, how did you get it?
Olga

November 9, 2015 at 7:20 am

Sorry for the double comment 🙁
Chris Seiter

November 13, 2015 at 12:37 am

No problem.

Sarah

November 8, 2015 at 9:45 pm

I’ve done no contact 30 days and it’s been 3 weeks after the first time I initiated contact.

However, he is acting stone cold to me.

At first he ignored me and tried to become indifferent but when I asked about him, saying I wondered if he was okay, he responded saying that it’s best not having contact at all. He says that, that’s what he wants: having no contact.

What am I supposed to do now?

How do I get past his resistance to communication?

Chris Seiter

November 13, 2015 at 12:38 am

What were you texting him exactly?

Adélaïde

November 8, 2015 at 8:19 pm

Hello Chris!
I just found your web site and so far I love it.
My ex and I were together for only 3 months. We met on the train and 4 days after We were together. He truly cared for me, but thinks that he wont make me happy. As We are now, ive begun à NC (We broke up on october 1st. Met again november 3rd it was Nice same complicity. He just adores me). I coulndt bring myself to NC the 1st month cause I red somewhere that for a short relationship such as ours, it was Best to nurture the talk and interest. Truth is, he said it would have been better if I NC. Now he asked me to NC for another month, to see how my feeling evolved. What I mean is…. Im 100% sure that IM THE BEST GIRL FOR HIM. And I dont want to have any regrets. Gonna see how Im feeling in 1 month… but so far , Will the NC do something? And how can I make him sure that he’s right for me?
I assure you… between us, there is a lot of affection.

Thanks and keep it up….
A follower from France 🙂

Adélaïde

November 13, 2015 at 7:50 am

Oooh that would be so Nice! Cant wait to read it, many people in France do not speak English…pretty well.
Anyway thanks for your reply, it helps me keeping the NC on.

Merci !
Chris Seiter

November 19, 2015 at 5:27 am

Avec plaisir 🙂
Chris Seiter

November 13, 2015 at 12:37 am

Thanks!

You know we are lookinginto translating the website into french for people like you.

I think NC is a good idea for you.

Becky

November 8, 2015 at 4:45 pm

Hi,

I’m fairly sure my ex is an introvert, he used to always be worried I was going to cheat and leave him for someone else.

Strangely though I feel like as much as he does love his alone time he always seems to want to be in a relationship (we got together quick after him and his previous ex broke up) and then he left me for another girl, even though we were engaged. Do you think this means he’s not actually introverted?

Anyways I used jealous tactics on him, posting pictures of me and a male friend and posting things that could suggest I was on dates (even though most of the things I was actually doing with my friends) during the no contact period… Then when it came to contacting him after NC he’s ignored me twice now which is a bit upsetting…

I’m not sure I even want him back anymore as time goes by since I feel betrayed that he replaced me so quickly with another girl even though he used to claim that was what he was scared I would do to him… But it just annoys me still that he hasn’t even replied to me… Do you think it’s because I used the jealousy tactics or do you think it’s just because he actually wants to be with this other girl now and doesn’t want anymore to do with me?

Chris Seiter

November 13, 2015 at 12:36 am

Hahaha yup, totally introvert.

I mean, extroverts can worry about that too but I personally think it’s more prevalent in introverts. He probably likes being in a relationship so he can feel safe and secure.

How often does he actually go out?

Taylor

November 7, 2015 at 7:53 pm

Hi Chris,
I’ve left a few comments on past articles and haven’t yet got a response but I thought I would try again since my circumstances have changed.

I was in a successful NC, using jealousy on Facebook until my ex unfriended me (though my posts were appropriate and positive). Day 17 he called and I didn’t answer. Day 20 he texted me saying he had some of my stuff and he could drop it off or maybe we could meet for coffee or something. I ended up going to coffee (bare with me) where he told me that he wanted to just check up on me and make sure I’m doing okay. It was a strange feeling and I tried to keep things pleasant and short. He said to me ‘aren’t things so much better now?’
I told him yes because I could do what I want, wear what I want, say what I want. Shortly after I told him I was ready to get my stuff (my stuff included expensive backpacking gear, a heating blanket which is important since it’s getting cold, and other things) We go outside and he pulls his car around then he says, ‘so do you want to grab your stuff and go or sit and talk for a bit?’

I hesitate but tell him I can talk. We sit in his car and again he tells me that he wanted to check on me. We talk for a little bit but I try to keep the focus on my stuff and if he got all of it back to me. I give him back his key. When I turn to look in the back seat at my stuff he says ‘did you get a haircut? It’s shorter in the back.’ Then he says ‘where did you get those earrings? I like them’
I just say thank you and redirect the conversation. He sits there trying to talk about if I think he is a bad person, I tell him I don’t know what he is doing and I have no place to say. He asks me if everyone hates him and I told him I haven’t been talking bad about you. He tells me he is not eating meat anymore (something I’ve always told him he should try)
Then finally he tells me ‘I bought you a bottle of wine because when we were dating I bought you that bottle of wine and gave it to my uncle for a birthday present. I owed you so I bought you a bottle.’ It was a French white which he knows I love. I had also forgotten about this and I was just like oh thank you you didn’t have to.

All in all he didn’t bring me all of the stuff I asked for during the initial break up so I have to see him again to get that. He told me he would round up my things just as he did the first time and he would text me. So now I’m on day 24 and NC is about to end. I felt so strange about our meeting because I was able to stay positive and he was emitting some strange vibes by complimenting me and going out of his way to buy me wine?

So I’m waiting for NC to end and I already know after having texted him that day to arrange a meetup, there should be a positive response. He was texting me so strangely saying I should meet him at his house because he was free, after saying he didn’t know if he could make it in time… Then saying ‘we’re meeting halfway my pittudy! Okay I’ll head over.’ How do I proceed from here? I have a feeling he still wants me back, wants to see me sad without him but I’m doing alright for the situation.

Taylor

November 14, 2015 at 5:00 pm

Also from my initial text after NC I received this reply ‘Good. I’m glad I could share that journey with you.’
Which feels between neutral and positive. I’m not sure how often to text him at this point during initial contact and have decided to wait two days before another text.

I also had my girlfriend tell me the day after I met up with him he facebooked her and was asking her if we have been hanging out… Then he asked how I was doing and that he was glad she was there for me. Then he told her to let him know if she wanted to grab a drink or something!
Taylor

November 13, 2015 at 6:58 pm

Hello Chris,
We met up that day as described above. He has not yet contacted me to return the rest of my things. My 30 days NC ends tomorrow.
Chris Seiter

November 16, 2015 at 9:09 pm

What is your plan for your first text?
Chris Seiter

November 13, 2015 at 12:35 am

Sorry about the no response Taylor.

Things just keep getting more and more hectic.

Where are you meeting up?

Kay

November 7, 2015 at 4:04 pm

Hi Chris,

What if after NC for 30 days I sent my ex a simple kind text, like suggested. But then followed it up with a request to meet, particularly sharing I’d like to feel that theres peace between us, andbit just two days later after the kind light text? I’m thinking I blew it there. Especially after reading this article. It could feel pushy to an introvert. How can I best recover from that and begin the value chain?

Kay

November 21, 2015 at 8:11 pm

He did send me a very kind birthday message. And responded briefly to a text I sent. 1out of 4 spread out over three weeks. It’s been 5 days since his brief response. He hasn’t initiated any communication. Should I wait and text another positive one?
Kay

November 21, 2015 at 8:08 pm

He is introverted.
Chris Seiter

November 13, 2015 at 12:35 am

Is he introverted or extroverted?

Kait

November 6, 2015 at 11:06 pm

Hi Chris, I know you get thousands of messages like this, but I really need some advice. I think I’ve completely blown my chances of ever getting my ex back, even if I do follow your guides/advice. Basically we’ve been on and off for over a year now and we argue a lot, he never apologises after arguments and will just ignore me for the rest of the day or even for a day+ where as I’ll apologise most of the time regardless and I hate being ignored, especially by him, and then when he does speak to me he just acts normal again or sometimes he’ll say things like ‘going to be a normal gf or still an angry troll’ I admit when we argue at times I can say some really horrible and unforgivable things, but so has he. He’s said many times over the past months that he doesn’t love me and hasnt wanted to be with me for months now. It’s mostly him who breaks up with me, I’ve only ever broken up with him I’ve but I didn’t mean it. He’s also said that he’s only taken me back because I made him or wouldn’t leave him alone. Now last week we had a huge fight on Sunday and things got so bad and again he said were over and that he doesn’t love me anymore and that once I leave his house I won’t be setting foot in there ever again. Things got broken and he got angry and pushed me but I replaced the broken things and got them sent to his house. He text me after the break up saying he got the items but he can’t accept them knowing how he feels about us and that he sees no future for us and doesn’t see us ever working. I tried to do no contact but failed on day 3 🙁 and text him back saying ‘Hey, I was just thinking about the first time we went to the cinema together to see Jurassic World, it was so good. I am glad we did that.’ But because he didn’t reply I turned into a text gnat and then said ‘could we talk please? I don’t like how things were left.’ He replied ‘I enjoyed the good times we had too but things arent the same and we argue too much, please send me your address so i can return the items as it doesnt feel right’ I responded ‘I don’t want to lose you, so will you please work with me to make our relationship work again, I know I don’t deserve it but I care for you deeply and I love you..I want you to keep the them, I’m sorry.’ And again he didn’t respond so I text him again saying ‘Please just talk with me, even if you hate me, please hear me out.’ He responded saying ‘it’s over I sorry, there’s nothing else I can say’ I continued to keep begging him to take me back and him not replying and when he I asked him if he loved me he said no sorry and he also said he won’t be contacting me anymore and i really dont want to upset you more and talking is doing that, you are more than welcome to let me send the items back, other than that good bye. I continued to bombard him with messages and calls, he replied no my minds made up..I continued to message and call him the next day too but no reply. It’s not been almost 3 days I haven’t heard from him and I’m absolutely terrified of losing him. I didn’t text him today so this is the first day I haven’t contacted him for..I want to try the no contact but I always end up caving in. Do you think the Nc rule will get him to speak to me or even give us a chance of ever getting back together? Please help.

Kait

November 13, 2015 at 11:13 am

Yes I read your latest version, very helpful, thank you!
Kait

November 13, 2015 at 11:12 am

Hi chris, what if I never hear from him again? i’m terrified of losing him 🙁 it’s been two weeks today since we split :/
Chris Seiter

November 13, 2015 at 12:34 am

You are on the right track with NC.

BUT you really have to stick with it. Did you read my latest version of the nc rule?

I give a calendar there that kind of outlines how to stop from caving in.

Errka

November 6, 2015 at 3:15 am

I am curious….about 2.5 months ago my ex husband told me he wanted a divorce after alosing another job… He was constantly toward the end fighting with kids etc and began withdrawing…. Well he filled for a divorce… Say he still Cares for me etc….. Buy yells me he doesn’t see it happening in the future to be a family again…… He has tried on and off to be my freind… FINALLY I said no because it wasn’t fair to me…. Well out divorce was final last week… He is already dating someone…. Took her to meet all his friends etc….. I’ve done everything I’ve needed to that was bothering him…. Got a job I love…. Bought a place etc….. Before I did EVERYTHING wrong from constant text messages to emails… Crying begging and pleading….. Today after reading this site… Pretty much now 3 months later…..am I too late???

Errka

November 21, 2015 at 9:36 pm

Yes I did. Where I live you have to wait 20 days before the judge signs it it was official Oct 21st. So during this time a few days ago my ex told me he didn’t want me to disappear but he’s not crazy into being buddy buddy etc…. Says he will think about letting my kids see his son (my step son) around Christmas…. I asked him why he seemed so cold he said it wasn’t anything I’ve done he’s just doing his thing……. I dunno what to think anymore…… I’m back into NC now for 4 days…. Can’t stop thinking about him…. My kids either…..
Errka

November 13, 2015 at 4:18 pm

Yes the divorce was final 2 weeks ago he told me… But I haven’t received any paperwork etc….
Chris Seiter

November 19, 2015 at 5:23 am

So you didn’t sign anything for the divorce?
Chris Seiter

November 13, 2015 at 12:33 am

Are you divorced yet?

Sophie

November 5, 2015 at 11:45 pm

Hi Chris,
My boyfriend broke up with me a month ago. We said a lot of things to eachother about staying together forever, and we were going to get through anything. But then one day something went wrong, and I was unable to shut up all day long while all he needed was some space for an hour or two so that he could think. He then said that he couldn’t be in this relationship anymore because it felt too horrible, and broke up.

We decided to stay friends because we never wanted to leave eachothers’ sides, no matter what. For the past month or so, I’ve been trying to recover, but I feel too broken. It often feels really hard to text with him, and he’s going through a lot in his real life right now. I also keep ending up writing about my feelings, and he always gets really mad when I do. I then promise him I won’t do it again, and then end up doing it anyway, which infuriates him more and more everytime. Since yesterday, I think we started getting on the right track again, because we were talking a lot casually without me having any need to write about my feelings to him. However, I screwed it up again by writing about how today was exactly a month since we broke up, and writing about how much I love him and what he means to me. He’s really really pissed off at me now and I don’t know how to recover it out of this. He’s an introvert, so I think we were on the right track since yesterday when we started talking to eachother more. But I messed it up, and I didn’t read this article in time. Now I just wanna cry. What do I do? Please help. Nothing I say seems to be able to calm him down or make him forget about what I did again.

Sophie

November 18, 2015 at 11:14 pm

how much I’d give for another chance*
Sophie

November 18, 2015 at 11:13 pm

I felt weak and got emotional, and then I ended up telling him again how much he means to me, what I did wrong in our relationship before, how much I’d give for another and how much I miss him. Then he got very angry because he said that it’s not going to bring anything back and all I did was made him feel like a bad person.

The next day he said he wanted to take a break from me for a day, but he ended up deleting me and telling me that I could only come back be his friend once I’ve changed myself and become something that is in his opinion a good person. But I re-added him on our chatting platform, and I told him that I feel like he’s being really unfair and pretty mean. He didn’t take it very well, but I think I brought a general idea into his head with it. Now we haven’t really had any contact in the last 2 weeks. Chris, do you think that if I re-add him in a few weeks while doing as much as I can to make myself the perfect girl, this would count as having been a 30-day no contact?
Chris Seiter

November 13, 2015 at 12:33 am

How did you mess up?

Lana

November 5, 2015 at 6:52 pm

Hi Chris, thank you so much for this article, this is exactly what I was waiting for!
My ex is an introvert and after NC I texted him a bit (once a week) and received neutral/positive replies.
But I’m always the one sending the first and last texts. He never tries to keep the conversation going…
What kind of texts do you recommend sending him since he’s an introvert? Should I talk about random stuffs or get more intimate/emotional? And how often should I text him? I don’t want to push him away but I don’t want him to move on either…
Your help is greatly appreciated!

Chris Seiter

November 11, 2015 at 12:10 am

Wow, getting a ton of people saying that their ex is introverted.

I think you need to make it to where you exit the conversation in the middle of it when its good. That can work really well on introverts.

Michelle

November 5, 2015 at 3:31 pm

Hi Chris, glad to see an update! I really hope u can help me here. I wrote u a very long email a couple days ago to the email u provided in ur books. I broke up, i didnt do NC, i slept with him, and i think he is now becoming cooler and cooler. I went to a concert (bought the ticket when we were still together) with him but he was just talking to frds but ignored me. I felt embarrased. He has told his friend i m super insecured and we dont click and he doesnt agree with some ways of me handling things. But that night after the concert we slept together again and he asked me for my help. I feel like there is no way of going back to be a couple and i am feeling very depressed. There is a lot of room for improvement in our relationship but althought he appears to be an extrovert on the outside, he is actully not opening up (he think i wont understand and he doesnt like to explain) at all. Please Chris, i dont know if you can help me with a game plan, but you are the only hope i have now. Should i go NC, what should i do? Beside, in the concert i saw him texting many girls..he has been very active on social media and i am very afraid that he might already have someone he likes….please help me Chris….

Michelle

November 15, 2015 at 12:06 am

Hi Chris, i have his reply
He thanked me, and said he was sorry and asked me dont do anything for him anymore cuz he owe me too much….i feel hopeless….feel like he has already moved on….
Michelle

November 14, 2015 at 8:53 pm

Hi Chris, in the letter i sent him, i mentioned how nice i was to him.. i think i made him feel too much pressure, and then i also said i apologize for the pressure i brought him n thanked him for him being tolerant.. i think he took this as a goodbye letter…..and he hasnt replied since yesterday…..i think the letter has brought him even more pressure and i screwed things up with it….i shouldn’t have listened to that Counsellor….. what should i do now Chris, is there anything else i need to send him, or is there anything i can do now?? I really wish i haven’t done that…..can i still use re attraction on him???? He is an extravert on the outside and think deep down he is an jntrovert
Michelle

November 13, 2015 at 6:38 pm

Hello Chris, thank you for giving me your reply. I will stick with the NC then. I just wrote him a letter thanking him for the past. I am expecting a very neutral response with him wishing me the best (this wud be a very heart breaking response actually). In fact no matter what he response it wud be a bad one for me. I wud rather see him not replying. I think i was just too available to say no to, and he can use me as a backup any time. In this case, i think NC and then re attraction wud be the best shot. But i am not sure how it will go as i think he has lost 8interest already, and he has a bunch of pageant material girls around him. My being super caring is just boring to him. I think guys are hunter. I want to ultilize the “man always want what they can’t have” psychology but I am not sure if it wud still work becuz he has already had me before. And if yes, I wud need to make it fast and blow his mind with a new appearance and a very positive change.
He is also going away for a month in two weeks. Which means that when NC is done, he wudnt be in town, which adds to my anxiousness.

Do you think the plan would work? How much chance you think I have here Chris?
Chris Seiter

November 11, 2015 at 12:09 am

Hi Michelle!

I absolutely think you should do NC.

Also, I think you should limit your contact for a while after NC. I think you were way too available for him.
Michelle

November 5, 2015 at 7:16 pm

I think he is slowly pulling over me….i feel hopeless..
Michelle

November 5, 2015 at 5:55 pm

And i just saw his post flirting with another girl…. i dont think he has ever liked me….i dont know what to do Chris…..
Michelle

November 5, 2015 at 4:58 pm

Besides, the break up for him is already 3 months away, and i have been texting everyday. He treats me like a stranger…replied but politely. I dont know if NC still works. I regret so much.

JamieC

November 5, 2015 at 6:39 am

Hi Chris,

Wow this article was so helpful… I didn’t even really take the time to think about the fact that my boyfriend is totally an introvert and I’m an extravert. I do enjoy staying home & just spending time with him sometimes but I also really enjoy doing THINGS… events, going out, parties etc. And you hit it right on the spot with the “worst case scenario” thing.. soo many times my ex would get mad about hypothetical situations! Or sometimes if we were in an argument & he’d bring up something from the past & it was totally different from how it actually happened… like he changed the story to make me the bad guy!

He does have a good heart, and I know that he’s learning a lot as well because I’m his first girlfriend. But we ended pretty badly, a lot of harsh things were said on his part and he has a hard time letting things go. Even if I made a mistake & apologized & he forgave me and it was something that happened maybe like 9 months ago.. he brought it up when we were fighting during our breakup.

Do you think getting back together is even possible? He seems to really hate me.. and in terms of being extraverted and introverted we are totally different. He & his whole family are very introverted, they don’t have many friends & like to stay home. Me & my family go to many events & have a fairly large acquaintance base. I’ve been doing no contact for a few days now, but I feel like at the end of it it’ll be too late?

Chris Seiter

November 11, 2015 at 12:08 am

Ya, I had a bunch of fun writing it!

Yup, that hypthetical situation thing has gotten yours truly in trouble so I knew that other introverted men did it too.

What is the source of his hate?

Just the things that were said during the breakup?

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