Is It Even Possible To Get An Ex Boyfriend Back? Breaking Down Preconceived Notions

558 thoughts on “Is It Even Possible To Get An Ex Boyfriend Back?”

Tina Tinkerbell

January 27, 2016 at 10:25 pm

Damnit, Chris! You had me there for a moment with the punch and jail story! haha

The answer is “YES” of course it is possible to get an ex back. People have to follow your advice. Thank goodness I was smart enough to listen to you. 🙂

Hope all is well with you and your little family.
Tina Tinkerbell

January 27, 2016 at 10:25 pm

Damnit, Chris! You had me there for a moment with the punch and jail story! haha

The answer is “YES” of course it is possible to get an ex back. People have to follow your advice. Thank goodness I was smart enough to listen to you. 🙂

Hope all is well with you and your little family.
Amy

January 27, 2016 at 1:29 pm

Hi Amor,

I would appreciate your advice on something. I was in a situation where I proposed a break up with my BF of just over a year because I felt like he was less and less interested in the relationship. We spent time together well, but it would be times when I was upset at him and he wouldn’t do much to try and console me. I very much still want to be in a relationship with him but I think I wanted him to ‘wake up’ and realise that he needs to pull his weight too. Since proposing a break/(up), he has explained that things have not been great at home and he has a parent that is very sick. He did tell me that he had an unwell parent but not to what extent and did not tell me how much it was affecting him, he “just needed some time alone”. He keeps his emotions very close to his chest to the point where he can bottle up his emotions. I want him to be able to share things with me. I want someone to share their problems with me, especially if it is something that is affecting our relationship. Will he change for me?

Many thanks,
Amy

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 27, 2016 at 3:49 pm

Hi Amy,

Hmm, if he’s parent is sick and he needs to care for them, you come second to that. Because even if he likes or loves you, the sick parent will be priority of course. Another thing is that, we can’t really force somebody to share their emotions or story with us, the more we ask, the more that person will pull away. So, the only thing you can do is tell them you’re open if they want to share but if they don’t want to, of course you’ll understand. We can influence a person to change but to take it up to ourselves that he/she must change for us is actually very hard because change must always be a personal decision whether that is or not because of another person.

Amy

January 27, 2016 at 1:29 pm

Hi Amor,

I would appreciate your advice on something. I was in a situation where I proposed a break up with my BF of just over a year because I felt like he was less and less interested in the relationship. We spent time together well, but it would be times when I was upset at him and he wouldn’t do much to try and console me. I very much still want to be in a relationship with him but I think I wanted him to ‘wake up’ and realise that he needs to pull his weight too. Since proposing a break/(up), he has explained that things have not been great at home and he has a parent that is very sick. He did tell me that he had an unwell parent but not to what extent and did not tell me how much it was affecting him, he “just needed some time alone”. He keeps his emotions very close to his chest to the point where he can bottle up his emotions. I want him to be able to share things with me. I want someone to share their problems with me, especially if it is something that is affecting our relationship. Will he change for me?

Many thanks,
Amy

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 27, 2016 at 3:49 pm

Hi Amy,

Hmm, if he’s parent is sick and he needs to care for them, you come second to that. Because even if he likes or loves you, the sick parent will be priority of course. Another thing is that, we can’t really force somebody to share their emotions or story with us, the more we ask, the more that person will pull away. So, the only thing you can do is tell them you’re open if they want to share but if they don’t want to, of course you’ll understand. We can influence a person to change but to take it up to ourselves that he/she must change for us is actually very hard because change must always be a personal decision whether that is or not because of another person.

Liz

January 27, 2016 at 6:53 am

Hi there Chris/Amor,

Firstly I’m really excited that you are replying to comments because I’ve been waiting for ages to ask about my specific question.

My boyfriend of 5 years broke up with me about 4 months ago. The only real reason I got for the break up was that we aren’t right for each other anymore. I do not feel this way, I feel like the good outweighed the bad a million times over and I’m willing to work at our relationship.

I was a mess for a good 6 weeks and I did everything Chris has said not to do in those 6 weeks. Thankfully I found this site. I am now an avid follower and I have read every single blog. I have also bought the Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO and the Texting Bible.

I then decided to go into a 30 day no contact rule. I completed it successfully, improving myself as a person and planning out my “get my ex back” campaign.

Here is where my problem lies. I followed all the texting guides and sent quite interesting first contact text messages to which I did get positive responses, however they were always at least a day later. I tried sending a few more than 3 “first contact messages” and then tried to start a small texting conversation but they didn’t go anywhere. I have since moved on and tried to build rapport but I am finding this so difficult because of how long it takes for him to respond to me. His responses are always positive, they just take so long and so I feel like I can’t progress or even have a conversation!

He has planned a massive Europe trip this year and I feel like he doesn’t want to move forward with me because of that. He doesn’t show resentment towards me, he responds to me, and we even caught up for lunch for his birthday since I started texting him.

This blog caught my eye because I really don’t know if it’s possible anymore! How do I make us move forward to the point where we can actually have a texting conversation? I know before asking him to get back together again I need to build up to it which I plan to do this time, properly. I just feel like I can’t go anywhere until we can actually have a texting conversation. Any advice would be greatly appreciated 🙂

Liz

January 29, 2016 at 7:18 am

Ok thanks. How should I go about iniating a phone conversation? I feel like he will be resistant and avoid it if I just call randomly.
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 29, 2016 at 2:07 pm

This post is perfect for that. HOW TO TALK TO YOUR EX BOYFRIEND ON THE PHONE
Liz

January 27, 2016 at 9:50 pm

Thanks for replying. I’m mainly worried because even since we caught up for that lunch where I think we had a really nice time together and things were almost normal, he is still taking a day to reply to messages. He was never a really big texter before we broke up, I’ll admit that, but he wouldn’t take a day to respond. Should I ask to catch up again and be more flirty? Or how else can I move forward with him as texting is proving to be difficult?
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 28, 2016 at 9:25 am

If you’re getting a positive response, even if it takes a day, that’s still better than nothing. Since you’re getting positive responses and went out, why not try to call him?
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 27, 2016 at 3:14 pm

Hi Liz,

Is he a big texter before you broke up and I’m wondering why you’re worried about this since you’ve already had lunch together. Are you flirty in that lunch?

Liz

January 27, 2016 at 6:53 am

Hi there Chris/Amor,

Firstly I’m really excited that you are replying to comments because I’ve been waiting for ages to ask about my specific question.

My boyfriend of 5 years broke up with me about 4 months ago. The only real reason I got for the break up was that we aren’t right for each other anymore. I do not feel this way, I feel like the good outweighed the bad a million times over and I’m willing to work at our relationship.

I was a mess for a good 6 weeks and I did everything Chris has said not to do in those 6 weeks. Thankfully I found this site. I am now an avid follower and I have read every single blog. I have also bought the Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO and the Texting Bible.

I then decided to go into a 30 day no contact rule. I completed it successfully, improving myself as a person and planning out my “get my ex back” campaign.

Here is where my problem lies. I followed all the texting guides and sent quite interesting first contact text messages to which I did get positive responses, however they were always at least a day later. I tried sending a few more than 3 “first contact messages” and then tried to start a small texting conversation but they didn’t go anywhere. I have since moved on and tried to build rapport but I am finding this so difficult because of how long it takes for him to respond to me. His responses are always positive, they just take so long and so I feel like I can’t progress or even have a conversation!

He has planned a massive Europe trip this year and I feel like he doesn’t want to move forward with me because of that. He doesn’t show resentment towards me, he responds to me, and we even caught up for lunch for his birthday since I started texting him.

This blog caught my eye because I really don’t know if it’s possible anymore! How do I make us move forward to the point where we can actually have a texting conversation? I know before asking him to get back together again I need to build up to it which I plan to do this time, properly. I just feel like I can’t go anywhere until we can actually have a texting conversation. Any advice would be greatly appreciated 🙂

Liz

January 29, 2016 at 7:18 am

Ok thanks. How should I go about iniating a phone conversation? I feel like he will be resistant and avoid it if I just call randomly.
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 29, 2016 at 2:07 pm

This post is perfect for that. HOW TO TALK TO YOUR EX BOYFRIEND ON THE PHONE
Liz

January 27, 2016 at 9:50 pm

Thanks for replying. I’m mainly worried because even since we caught up for that lunch where I think we had a really nice time together and things were almost normal, he is still taking a day to reply to messages. He was never a really big texter before we broke up, I’ll admit that, but he wouldn’t take a day to respond. Should I ask to catch up again and be more flirty? Or how else can I move forward with him as texting is proving to be difficult?
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 28, 2016 at 9:25 am

If you’re getting a positive response, even if it takes a day, that’s still better than nothing. Since you’re getting positive responses and went out, why not try to call him?
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 27, 2016 at 3:14 pm

Hi Liz,

Is he a big texter before you broke up and I’m wondering why you’re worried about this since you’ve already had lunch together. Are you flirty in that lunch?

Angeline

January 26, 2016 at 8:25 pm

I honestly think that my situation is impossible.
Me and my boyfriend split up last September. I got him back in november and he promised that he would work on his problems, that I was worth working for and that he loved me. Before him I was in a very abusive relationship and I have mental health problems from it, so that meant a lot to me. He promised me he would make it work.
Anyway, by december he was making no effort. I was really trying and he wasn’t bothering. He missed our one year anniversary, he wasn’t bothered about doing anything for new years. I got upset and he couldn’t deal with that either. By January we were spending time apart while I focused on my studies. When we met up he told me it was over. He acted like a completely different person. He wouldn’t even look at me. He told me he hadn’t had feelings for me since December. It was a kick in the teeth after his promises. My whole mental health is unravelling because of the lies. I can’t cope.
I don’t know if I even want him back….would we have anything left? I don’t even know why I’m commenting on this site…I just want to know if it is even worth putting the effort in to salvage this and whether I should try?
He just wants to know when he can get his stuff back.

Angeline

January 27, 2016 at 1:25 pm

If I wanted to try again what would you recommend?
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 27, 2016 at 2:04 pm

For me you need to do no contact to see if after that, you still decide to give it a try with him and if you do, you need to be firm with standards. It’s a good thing to hear the words from him, but he has to show it but if you still stay when he’s not showing the change, the problem is not with him by that time. It’s with how you are serious on your standards. It’s either he changes and stays or he goes because he’s not meeting your standards.
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 27, 2016 at 11:42 am

Hi Angeline,

It only depends on you if you b want to v try again. If not, that’s fine. But be civil when you meet him for stuff. Don’t be emotional. Just stay quiet instead of blurting out your frustrations with him because saying those in that moment will not do any good.

Angeline

January 26, 2016 at 8:25 pm

I honestly think that my situation is impossible.
Me and my boyfriend split up last September. I got him back in november and he promised that he would work on his problems, that I was worth working for and that he loved me. Before him I was in a very abusive relationship and I have mental health problems from it, so that meant a lot to me. He promised me he would make it work.
Anyway, by december he was making no effort. I was really trying and he wasn’t bothering. He missed our one year anniversary, he wasn’t bothered about doing anything for new years. I got upset and he couldn’t deal with that either. By January we were spending time apart while I focused on my studies. When we met up he told me it was over. He acted like a completely different person. He wouldn’t even look at me. He told me he hadn’t had feelings for me since December. It was a kick in the teeth after his promises. My whole mental health is unravelling because of the lies. I can’t cope.
I don’t know if I even want him back….would we have anything left? I don’t even know why I’m commenting on this site…I just want to know if it is even worth putting the effort in to salvage this and whether I should try?
He just wants to know when he can get his stuff back.

Angeline

January 27, 2016 at 1:25 pm

If I wanted to try again what would you recommend?
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 27, 2016 at 2:04 pm

For me you need to do no contact to see if after that, you still decide to give it a try with him and if you do, you need to be firm with standards. It’s a good thing to hear the words from him, but he has to show it but if you still stay when he’s not showing the change, the problem is not with him by that time. It’s with how you are serious on your standards. It’s either he changes and stays or he goes because he’s not meeting your standards.
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 27, 2016 at 11:42 am

Hi Angeline,

It only depends on you if you b want to v try again. If not, that’s fine. But be civil when you meet him for stuff. Don’t be emotional. Just stay quiet instead of blurting out your frustrations with him because saying those in that moment will not do any good.

Ardelle

January 26, 2016 at 8:05 pm

Hi Chris, I would like to make a testimony and some progress of what I achieved by doing your advices. Hope this will help some people here to really dare push themselves to do something outside their comfort zone and to be able to get what they want. I will try my best to make this as short as possible.

Me and my ex had been together for one year and 8 months. And we officially broke up around october last year, we had an on/off relationship throughout our time together. But that October, I was pretty much done with it and by that time, I found your site and know that the on/off relationship is not healthy at all.

So, despite us being done from each other, he was still trying to contact me, texting the usual like “Be careful when you go home.” or “Don’t forget to eat.” and me knowing the NC rule decided to put it aside and replied him back, but not the gnat kind of reply. He still asked me to hang out together, held my hands, kissed me, whatever it is that most couple do. And yes, we were still sleeping together. I did all the mistakes, but every time I tried to talk to him about commitment, he would definitely back off. And so I did NC again, but because we were in this one team for our youth organization, we were bound to talk and discuss about work, and he would definitely sidetracked from there and asked me to go out again, as friends. But he always ended up holding my hands, kissing my forehead. He just couldn’t stop touching me. And of course, me being still in love with him (mind you, he’s my first boyfriend), couldn’t refuse to his affections. From there, we would talk and always keep in touch like how we used to be as couple (include facetiming every night). But again, he would back away when I started telling him this relationship is not healthy and I want assurance. He would then started telling me that he cares about me but he just couldn’t love me like he used to.

I accepted that, and said to him to clear it once and for all. I told him we couldn’t contact anymore. Not even by the excuse saying it’s between friends and just be strangers. And I started the NC again, but not even in one day, he texted me and said he couldn’t bear the idea of us not to talk anymore and be friends. And again….I got swayed. But this time though, i tried to hold myself and always let him be the one who is desperate for my attention…(I used the ungettable advice here) and it worked. He was always looking for me and would be upset if I didn’t reply his texts. He would be mad as well if I put too much time with my friends and then he started talking about some chance on getting back together and it hurts him so much whenever he think of me with other men. And me being dumb again, asked him to commit to the relationship. And again he backed off

Lesson learnt after the third time, I DECIDED TO NC HIM and told him for the last time that that was his decision. He made it and I told him to be a man that keep his words. I texted him that and he never replied back to me, so I thought, that will be all, that he made his decision. Around the sixth day of NC, he did text me “Happy new year.” But I didn’t reply. I blocked him on instagram (he did too after he found out I blocked him but around 20-ish day of NC, he unblocked me) and also blocked him on facebook after 20 days of NC.

The reason I blocked him was because he’s finally seeing this girl (that i was being suspicious about and confronted to him during my fail NCs. He denied that he likes the girl by saying he wouldn’t be still caring and wanting to see me if he indeed likes the girl) and he posted pictures and videos of them together. And i know this is a rebound thing, because I read one of your post that said about a man seeing other girl after only three weeks of breaking up, means he’s rebounding. And we are officially stop keeping in touch three weeks ago.

Now, I am on 30 days of NC and I am planning to not stop until he text me first and by then, I would not ignore him but I will play the ungettable (the hard one) again. And if I am not wrong, if he text me, that would mean the other girl is not satisfying him enough…but truthfully though, I am in no way feeling threatened by this girl. Because reading your other posts, I have been pretty much focusing on myself during NC and it has help me a lot to make myself more attractive, build better personality traits and actually doing something successful for my own future. I know in the end somehow, he would forget the other girl. What made me certain? Because i was his longest girlfriend, we were almost engaged, and I lost my virginity to him (apparently he said this part made me more special than any of his exes and other women)

So yeah, if he does end up with this girl, I wouldn’t feel bad whatsoever, because I know I could have better man. But if he does still care for me, I would train him to learn how to commit.

I hope this is not too long, and I hope whoever read this could try the methods Chris gave out because it will definitely work, especially if you’re not making mistakes like me *sighs*

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 27, 2016 at 2:19 pm

Thank you very much Ardelle!

Ardelle

January 26, 2016 at 8:05 pm

Hi Chris, I would like to make a testimony and some progress of what I achieved by doing your advices. Hope this will help some people here to really dare push themselves to do something outside their comfort zone and to be able to get what they want. I will try my best to make this as short as possible.

Me and my ex had been together for one year and 8 months. And we officially broke up around october last year, we had an on/off relationship throughout our time together. But that October, I was pretty much done with it and by that time, I found your site and know that the on/off relationship is not healthy at all.

So, despite us being done from each other, he was still trying to contact me, texting the usual like “Be careful when you go home.” or “Don’t forget to eat.” and me knowing the NC rule decided to put it aside and replied him back, but not the gnat kind of reply. He still asked me to hang out together, held my hands, kissed me, whatever it is that most couple do. And yes, we were still sleeping together. I did all the mistakes, but every time I tried to talk to him about commitment, he would definitely back off. And so I did NC again, but because we were in this one team for our youth organization, we were bound to talk and discuss about work, and he would definitely sidetracked from there and asked me to go out again, as friends. But he always ended up holding my hands, kissing my forehead. He just couldn’t stop touching me. And of course, me being still in love with him (mind you, he’s my first boyfriend), couldn’t refuse to his affections. From there, we would talk and always keep in touch like how we used to be as couple (include facetiming every night). But again, he would back away when I started telling him this relationship is not healthy and I want assurance. He would then started telling me that he cares about me but he just couldn’t love me like he used to.

I accepted that, and said to him to clear it once and for all. I told him we couldn’t contact anymore. Not even by the excuse saying it’s between friends and just be strangers. And I started the NC again, but not even in one day, he texted me and said he couldn’t bear the idea of us not to talk anymore and be friends. And again….I got swayed. But this time though, i tried to hold myself and always let him be the one who is desperate for my attention…(I used the ungettable advice here) and it worked. He was always looking for me and would be upset if I didn’t reply his texts. He would be mad as well if I put too much time with my friends and then he started talking about some chance on getting back together and it hurts him so much whenever he think of me with other men. And me being dumb again, asked him to commit to the relationship. And again he backed off

Lesson learnt after the third time, I DECIDED TO NC HIM and told him for the last time that that was his decision. He made it and I told him to be a man that keep his words. I texted him that and he never replied back to me, so I thought, that will be all, that he made his decision. Around the sixth day of NC, he did text me “Happy new year.” But I didn’t reply. I blocked him on instagram (he did too after he found out I blocked him but around 20-ish day of NC, he unblocked me) and also blocked him on facebook after 20 days of NC.

The reason I blocked him was because he’s finally seeing this girl (that i was being suspicious about and confronted to him during my fail NCs. He denied that he likes the girl by saying he wouldn’t be still caring and wanting to see me if he indeed likes the girl) and he posted pictures and videos of them together. And i know this is a rebound thing, because I read one of your post that said about a man seeing other girl after only three weeks of breaking up, means he’s rebounding. And we are officially stop keeping in touch three weeks ago.

Now, I am on 30 days of NC and I am planning to not stop until he text me first and by then, I would not ignore him but I will play the ungettable (the hard one) again. And if I am not wrong, if he text me, that would mean the other girl is not satisfying him enough…but truthfully though, I am in no way feeling threatened by this girl. Because reading your other posts, I have been pretty much focusing on myself during NC and it has help me a lot to make myself more attractive, build better personality traits and actually doing something successful for my own future. I know in the end somehow, he would forget the other girl. What made me certain? Because i was his longest girlfriend, we were almost engaged, and I lost my virginity to him (apparently he said this part made me more special than any of his exes and other women)

So yeah, if he does end up with this girl, I wouldn’t feel bad whatsoever, because I know I could have better man. But if he does still care for me, I would train him to learn how to commit.

I hope this is not too long, and I hope whoever read this could try the methods Chris gave out because it will definitely work, especially if you’re not making mistakes like me *sighs*

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 27, 2016 at 2:19 pm

Thank you very much Ardelle!

Jess

January 26, 2016 at 7:22 pm

I’ve never posted on anything like this, but I am really worried about this one. I dated this guy for 4 months. We took things slow as we have both been really hurt in the past. We really it it off and spent a lot of time together. I met his family and a lot of his friends and they all loved me and friended me on Facebook. About 4 days ago, out of the blue, he ended, saying he found it hard to communicate with me. I asked him if he wanted to discuss the future and he didn’t want to. About a week before this I quit going to law school because it was getting too expensive. It really crushed me, and I started to clam up. He was there for me though to make me feel better and lift my spirits. He was also in the process of getting a new job and I knew he was stressed about it, but I told him it would all work out. The job would take him 2 hours away from me, but he said it was no big deal and that he would come up and see me, plus his family was by me. I would also make trips to go to him. He would always say that I would like it where he was going and talked about me moving down there eventually. His friends always told me that he talked about me none stop. When he ended it with me he said I was the “prettiest, smartest girl he had ever dated” and that his “head was spinning with the move” and “he wanted to stay in my life” and that it “wasn’t easy for him”. I respected his wishes and told him that while it broke my heart completely, I understood. I proceeded to unfriend him on all social media and have not contacted him since (4 days ago). I really love this guy, but I will not look desperate. He was a great guy and respected me in every way, and I always returned the favor. We had a lot of similar interests and loved spending time together. I feel that we had a real connection. We never fought. He never gave me any sign that he was not into me anymore.We had little things that we didn’t agree on but nothing major and we usually just compromised and laughed about it. His friends have remained friends with me on Facebook. I’m just wondering if this sounds like its a done deal, or is there a single thread of hope. I feel like in the midst of everything that was going on he panicked and he just needs time and space.
Jess

January 26, 2016 at 7:22 pm

I’ve never posted on anything like this, but I am really worried about this one. I dated this guy for 4 months. We took things slow as we have both been really hurt in the past. We really it it off and spent a lot of time together. I met his family and a lot of his friends and they all loved me and friended me on Facebook. About 4 days ago, out of the blue, he ended, saying he found it hard to communicate with me. I asked him if he wanted to discuss the future and he didn’t want to. About a week before this I quit going to law school because it was getting too expensive. It really crushed me, and I started to clam up. He was there for me though to make me feel better and lift my spirits. He was also in the process of getting a new job and I knew he was stressed about it, but I told him it would all work out. The job would take him 2 hours away from me, but he said it was no big deal and that he would come up and see me, plus his family was by me. I would also make trips to go to him. He would always say that I would like it where he was going and talked about me moving down there eventually. His friends always told me that he talked about me none stop. When he ended it with me he said I was the “prettiest, smartest girl he had ever dated” and that his “head was spinning with the move” and “he wanted to stay in my life” and that it “wasn’t easy for him”. I respected his wishes and told him that while it broke my heart completely, I understood. I proceeded to unfriend him on all social media and have not contacted him since (4 days ago). I really love this guy, but I will not look desperate. He was a great guy and respected me in every way, and I always returned the favor. We had a lot of similar interests and loved spending time together. I feel that we had a real connection. We never fought. He never gave me any sign that he was not into me anymore.We had little things that we didn’t agree on but nothing major and we usually just compromised and laughed about it. His friends have remained friends with me on Facebook. I’m just wondering if this sounds like its a done deal, or is there a single thread of hope. I feel like in the midst of everything that was going on he panicked and he just needs time and space.
Liu Fei

January 26, 2016 at 2:06 pm

Dear Chirs
I think you shoud write a post about :”How to get your ex back when he blocked you and dumped you for an another girl”. Because this situation is so common, and in this situation , girls don’t have much things to do. We can’t be friend with ex , so how can we Raise His Attractiveness Towards ? I think this is the most terrible and the most common situation !
So please write a post about it, Chris

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 26, 2016 at 2:20 pm

Hi Liu Fei,

Thank you for the suggestion. I think this post is close to that.

What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Gets A New Girlfriend

Liu Fei

January 26, 2016 at 2:06 pm

Dear Chirs
I think you shoud write a post about :”How to get your ex back when he blocked you and dumped you for an another girl”. Because this situation is so common, and in this situation , girls don’t have much things to do. We can’t be friend with ex , so how can we Raise His Attractiveness Towards ? I think this is the most terrible and the most common situation !
So please write a post about it, Chris

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 26, 2016 at 2:20 pm

Hi Liu Fei,

Thank you for the suggestion. I think this post is close to that.

What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Gets A New Girlfriend

C

January 26, 2016 at 2:05 pm

Hey

I broke up with my long term (1yr 4months) boyfriend nearly two weeks ago. He says he is depressed and needed space. Anyway since the breakup my own depression spiralled into an attempt on my life.

He says that all he can think of is that when he thinks of me. He also says that there is a small part of him that wants to give me a chance, but the chances of us getting back together are slim. He also says that he wants to see me get with someone else so that he can use that to get over me.

I was 4 days into no contact when he contacted me about getting my stuff from the home we shared together. He asked questions like how am I, have I got someone else, how is work. I just broke down.

I told him he cant post any letters that arrive for meto my ccurrent address and that the stuff left behind can be gotten rid of. I just couldn’t face collecting it.

I haven’t spoken since and have no idea what to do now.

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 26, 2016 at 2:29 pm

Hi C,

First, don’t follow his request about you seeing others so he can move on. That is being selfish of him. But most important is, don’t lose hope. If you take your life, you also take the chance of getting back with him or meeting someone much better or just enjoying life and being a blessing to others. This time do NC because you need to find love for yourself not just because you need to get over somebody. You first, because you can’t give love that you don’t have.

C

January 26, 2016 at 2:05 pm

Hey

I broke up with my long term (1yr 4months) boyfriend nearly two weeks ago. He says he is depressed and needed space. Anyway since the breakup my own depression spiralled into an attempt on my life.

He says that all he can think of is that when he thinks of me. He also says that there is a small part of him that wants to give me a chance, but the chances of us getting back together are slim. He also says that he wants to see me get with someone else so that he can use that to get over me.

I was 4 days into no contact when he contacted me about getting my stuff from the home we shared together. He asked questions like how am I, have I got someone else, how is work. I just broke down.

I told him he cant post any letters that arrive for meto my ccurrent address and that the stuff left behind can be gotten rid of. I just couldn’t face collecting it.

I haven’t spoken since and have no idea what to do now.

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 26, 2016 at 2:29 pm

Hi C,

First, don’t follow his request about you seeing others so he can move on. That is being selfish of him. But most important is, don’t lose hope. If you take your life, you also take the chance of getting back with him or meeting someone much better or just enjoying life and being a blessing to others. This time do NC because you need to find love for yourself not just because you need to get over somebody. You first, because you can’t give love that you don’t have.

Elise

January 26, 2016 at 12:59 pm

Hello,
I broke up with my ex boyfriend of 4 and a half years over Christmas and i’m currently in week 2 of no contact. In the first year i found out he went on dating websites ‘just to look’, i took him back but we never built our trust back up. He wrote me a letter in his own blood begging me to stay (something that really freaked me out), yet i stayed. After that he gradually became less caring, and less interested in my career. Everything became about him, i was his first kiss, first girlfriend etc. while he was my first long term relationship. He also hid his relationship status on facebook and posted pictures as though he was by himself, even though i was right there with him. He also used to meet up with girls behind my back and send xx to them (but said it was his initials), like only the slutty pictures of his female friends, but not the ordinary ones. He used to check my phone (he paid the contract, so had access to my texts and calls) and be jealous over any guy i spoke to, yet i was expected to be fine with whatever he did. I used to plan trips such as horse riding etc, while towards the end he stopped taking care of his appearance, he rarely made any effort to go out on dates with me. I was fiery and argumentative, but apologized and moved on from an argument quickly. He ignored me for days after each argument. I was even willing to go to couples therapy with him, which he wouldn’t do. He once even said that it was my fault for him trying to cut his own wrists (this was said in front of his parents who he lives with, i was staying there at the time). I wanted to move in together to see if we would be able to work, he just kept delaying it and wanted to still live with his parents. Towards the end he just didn’t answer my calls, or even ask how my day had been.
During the break up he sent me an email telling me i should move on etc. and thanked me for everything. But when i calmly confronted him in person asking why he sent it, he said he still loves me and he still wants to see me again, but right now he said he still can’t forget what happened during the argument over Christmas (he drove dangerously and i wanted to get out of the car) and wants to focus on his career, he still loves me but it just hurts too much to look at me. He said he’d be upset if i dated someone else but it’s my choice. He said he doesn’t know if it’ll be weeks or months and he might feel differently. To me he’s not acknowledging any part of his responsibility for our relationship ending.
But now i’m starting to think if i should even try to get a guy back who has acted/treated me in this way. Right now i feel happier because i’m not stressed over the relationship (which was affecting both my health, and my grades), i’m doing the things that i enjoy, i’m meeting new people and learning new things, and i’m focusing on my career.
Is there any hope of this guy changing and becoming the guy i fell in love with again? Now that i’m getting myself back, should i even try again with him, and does he even want to? I don’t know if the way he acted was simply because he’s immature and trying to seek attention, or something more serious that i should avoid. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

Thanks!

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 26, 2016 at 1:22 pm

Hi Elise,

Thank you for sharing your story. I’m happy you can see what don’t deserve. But honestly, he may change because he can see you’re leaving him but once you’re back there’s a very good chance he’ll be back to neglecting and treating you badly because that’s what you have allowed for so long.
We can’t change somebody, we may influence them but it will never be because we want them to. It will always be that person’s decision to change.

Elise

January 26, 2016 at 12:59 pm

Hello,
I broke up with my ex boyfriend of 4 and a half years over Christmas and i’m currently in week 2 of no contact. In the first year i found out he went on dating websites ‘just to look’, i took him back but we never built our trust back up. He wrote me a letter in his own blood begging me to stay (something that really freaked me out), yet i stayed. After that he gradually became less caring, and less interested in my career. Everything became about him, i was his first kiss, first girlfriend etc. while he was my first long term relationship. He also hid his relationship status on facebook and posted pictures as though he was by himself, even though i was right there with him. He also used to meet up with girls behind my back and send xx to them (but said it was his initials), like only the slutty pictures of his female friends, but not the ordinary ones. He used to check my phone (he paid the contract, so had access to my texts and calls) and be jealous over any guy i spoke to, yet i was expected to be fine with whatever he did. I used to plan trips such as horse riding etc, while towards the end he stopped taking care of his appearance, he rarely made any effort to go out on dates with me. I was fiery and argumentative, but apologized and moved on from an argument quickly. He ignored me for days after each argument. I was even willing to go to couples therapy with him, which he wouldn’t do. He once even said that it was my fault for him trying to cut his own wrists (this was said in front of his parents who he lives with, i was staying there at the time). I wanted to move in together to see if we would be able to work, he just kept delaying it and wanted to still live with his parents. Towards the end he just didn’t answer my calls, or even ask how my day had been.
During the break up he sent me an email telling me i should move on etc. and thanked me for everything. But when i calmly confronted him in person asking why he sent it, he said he still loves me and he still wants to see me again, but right now he said he still can’t forget what happened during the argument over Christmas (he drove dangerously and i wanted to get out of the car) and wants to focus on his career, he still loves me but it just hurts too much to look at me. He said he’d be upset if i dated someone else but it’s my choice. He said he doesn’t know if it’ll be weeks or months and he might feel differently. To me he’s not acknowledging any part of his responsibility for our relationship ending.
But now i’m starting to think if i should even try to get a guy back who has acted/treated me in this way. Right now i feel happier because i’m not stressed over the relationship (which was affecting both my health, and my grades), i’m doing the things that i enjoy, i’m meeting new people and learning new things, and i’m focusing on my career.
Is there any hope of this guy changing and becoming the guy i fell in love with again? Now that i’m getting myself back, should i even try again with him, and does he even want to? I don’t know if the way he acted was simply because he’s immature and trying to seek attention, or something more serious that i should avoid. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

Thanks!

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 26, 2016 at 1:22 pm

Hi Elise,

Thank you for sharing your story. I’m happy you can see what don’t deserve. But honestly, he may change because he can see you’re leaving him but once you’re back there’s a very good chance he’ll be back to neglecting and treating you badly because that’s what you have allowed for so long.
We can’t change somebody, we may influence them but it will never be because we want them to. It will always be that person’s decision to change.

calista

January 26, 2016 at 8:06 am

There is a suggestion to help the reconciliation. That is to agree with anything your mate says or does. Put a good name on it. Agree with their negative feelings.

How does that tie in with no contact and getting your ex back from a position of power?

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 26, 2016 at 1:31 pm

Hi Calista,

Agreeing with the person, puts you in a position that you are on their side, that you understand him and in return he will listen to you more, it doesn’t mean that you are powerless. It actually means you are mature enough to let other people have their own beliefs.
But with no contact, do you mean when to do the agreement when doing no contact?

calista

January 26, 2016 at 8:06 am

There is a suggestion to help the reconciliation. That is to agree with anything your mate says or does. Put a good name on it. Agree with their negative feelings.

How does that tie in with no contact and getting your ex back from a position of power?

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 26, 2016 at 1:31 pm

Hi Calista,

Agreeing with the person, puts you in a position that you are on their side, that you understand him and in return he will listen to you more, it doesn’t mean that you are powerless. It actually means you are mature enough to let other people have their own beliefs.
But with no contact, do you mean when to do the agreement when doing no contact?

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