How Can My Ex Boyfriend Be Over Me Already

87 thoughts on “Is My Ex Boyfriend Over Me Already?”

Lauren

February 24, 2017 at 3:10 pm

I wrote on a different feed but this one sings a bit to me. Heres my story.

My guy and I meet two years ago at work. He was married. Well his marriage was shit. They ended it. We started seeing each other right away. Our connection and love is insane. We have everything in common, we love spending all of our time together and we bring out the best in each other. We are best friends. Well along with divorce comes child visits and debt and dealing with his crazy ex. We have had to deal with a lot of out side factors and it hasnt been easy. We have gotten into a few large fights where he wouldnt speak to me for a day or two. (I will admit i didnt handle it like a mature 28 year old more like a child im human) We would always work things out. Well for the last few months I have had feelings of mistrust. Which is strange because i do trust him. Before we dated i was with a guy who treated me so awful. Even caught him in bed with someone. Well it chagned me and i was taking it out on my guy now, Brian. We just went up north to his families cabin this past weekend ( 4 days ago) we had an amazing time. I mean we are so in love and just couldnt even imagine being apart. We got back home and he was telling me how he cherishs our relatonship more than he had in his marriage. He said i love you more than i have ever loved anyone before and youre my world youre my person. Then monday comes. We work togehter and our job can be very stressful on both of us. We were both in funky moods and kinda started arguing. Not bad but not good. I kinda blurted out that i dont trust him. I DONT KNOW WHY i said that i dont even mean it. Well he took that and ran with it. We went to bed and the next day i texted him around 11 am and we casually spoke and we got into a little tiff but nothing that i thought would cause him to leave. He went home on lunch (i live with a roomie but he literally stayed every night and had almost all of his stuff there) well he went home and packed his stuff. I couldnt believe he did that. He wouldnt speak to me. Well i left him alone tuesday. Then wednesday came and i didnt contact him. I spoke to his brother and he said it sounds like he is just mad and stressed and he needs space. Well thursday came (yesterday) and he talked a bit and he agreed to go to lunch with me. We were joking and laughing and even my co workers were like wow he must have came to his senses. We went to lunch and he told me he wants to be on his own to figure things out. Was very cold and closed off. He isnt ever like this. I havent spoken to him. He left facebook up, and we have bills togehter and havent done anything to seperate them. His brother spoke to me last night and said he still feels he needs time and that he will come around because our realtionship is pretty great.

Side note – not to brag but i was amazing to him. literally people who know us are always like “lauren you treat him like a king” even brian admits it and always would say he is so lucky. Our sex life is amazing. We both have goals together. Our chemistry is crazy. We even share a savings account because we are saving for a house. This break up was out of the blue. Im in shock and so much pain. He is my best friend and is acting like a differnt person. He said that he will “be okay in time” but i know him and he has told me so many times that he needs me and hates being away from me for more than a day. He also hasnt told his family and he told me he wasnt going to tell his son. He also said we dont need to share this with anyone at work. I told his brother all of this and he said that if he was 100% ready to be done he would have made everything more soild and end it all.

Please help. Im confused and i want and need him back. He is my world and my life. I dont want to push him away.

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 24, 2017 at 3:58 pm

Hi Lauren,

Follow the advice on this one:
EBR 032: What To Do If You Work With Your Ex Boyfriend

Andy

February 23, 2017 at 4:21 am

Is it possible to get back with ex after long time? We are still in contact, it’s been a year, we were fwb, I know, mistake, but he seems that he didn’t overcome our relationship, we talk sometimes about it. He is a commitment phobe and he said that he thinks he is ready for a relationship. We talked about our relationship and we agreed on some things that were wrong in it but I am afraid that he will move on to other girls.
I wanna know if I have a chance with him after all that time? Does NC helps at all in this case? Because, he is now used to be without me for longer periods… it wont have such an effect. I was clingy and unemployed when we were togehter and I have a job now. Every time I go into NC he seems interested after that but I fail every time. Should I try once more or there is no hope?

Ändy

February 23, 2017 at 9:23 pm

Thank you, Amor, it’ very useful, but I would like to say that we were in contact during that year, so, what in that case? We saw each other last week, he was taking my dog to the vet. What should I do? NC- how long?
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 23, 2017 at 10:06 pm

Well, you can still try nc and then rebuild rapport after that. I think you should do at least 30 days, and then be very focused in improving yourself in it but continue doing that after nc.
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 23, 2017 at 8:51 pm

Hi Andy,

check this one:
Getting Him Back After A Year (Or More) Apart

Anon

February 22, 2017 at 2:37 pm

Hi there,
My ex broke up with me a month and a half ago. I acted a bit stupid in the first week, texting him etc… So I started NC. When we firstly initially broke up he told me he wouldn’t remove me off social media and he didn’t for two weeks. Suddenly, during the No Contact phase, he has unfriended me off FB, unfollowed me off Instagram and removed me off Snapchat, not all at once but in the space off a week each or so and seemingly after each time I posted something on there. Why has he done this during the NC phase and how do I get him back now that he can’t see my posts? I’m also nearly three weeks into No Contact.

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 22, 2017 at 11:50 pm

Hi Anon,

he’ll more likely keep checking your posts, maybe through a friends’ or a different account. So just keep being active in posting.

Gloria

February 21, 2017 at 6:50 pm

Hey Amor! I’m near the end of the value chain, I think (finally). Texting, calls, and we’ve seen each other at several group events recently. I asked him on a date (a public event). I DID NOT call it a date though, don’t worry. He said he was busy with a 🙁 emoji, so I said no problem and went about as normal. A week later, we were in a steady conversation – he was responding within a minute of each message. I asked him if he wanted to go to a different event – one I know he’d enjoy – and he said “sorry I have plans that day” so I said “no problem! what days are normally good for you?” And he never replied. It’s been three days now.

Is he just not ready to be alone even in public? What do I do now, and when do I text again?

Gloria

April 4, 2017 at 4:08 am

Alright, so what do I say to talk to him about it? The last conversation was me wishing him a good bday, him responding the next day saying sorry he was asleep when I sent it (a lie) and he did have a good day, me responding cheerfully with “Oh yay! what did you do for your celebration?” and him not responding to that. It’s been four days. I thought I’d message him and say “hey what’s up with you lately? I feel like you’re avoiding me” but that also sounds too confrontational for his personality. Ugh. Help with the wording?
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 4, 2017 at 5:35 pm

If you see each other in person, just be honest and straightforward.. It would be better to be done in person.. Be calm, don’t be emotional. So, that you would know where you actually stand, because you’ve been doing this for a year now right?You have to be clear now whether to move on, or to just work on some issues about his fears. The longer you stick to him like that, the less ungettable you appear.. You have to convey, that you have a life and that you’re not going to stick forever. I know that you’re not willing to give up easily, which is good.. But if you really want a higher chance, you have to consider how you appear by not setting limits on doing this. You have to put yourself first. If you still want to be friends with him, of course that’s ok.
Gloria

March 30, 2017 at 3:07 pm

I’m back with an update! I was friendly and cheerful at the party. He acted like any normal person to me, didn’t talk about or hit on any girls, didn’t do anything upsetting. It was nice. I asked him why he hadn’t responded to me about talking on the phone, and he made up some long thing about having to do taxes, etc. A few days after I messaged him and invited him to a group event, and he avoided with the excuse of being “busy every day for the next few weeks.” Ridiculous, right? If you’re going to lie, at least make it believable. So then, I let him be for a few days until yesterday, his birthday. I messaged him to wish him a happy day and he responded today, saying thank you and sorry he had gone to sleep when I texted last night. However, he posted on FB after my message so I know he was lying about that too.

I tell you these anecdotes because it really bothers me when he lies, even when they’re just “excuse” lies to avoid a confrontation. I want to call him out on them, but my friends tell me not to. What do you think? If, for example, next time he says he’s crazy busy but then I see in photos him hanging out with other friends..should I cut through the excuses and say, look, you’re clearly not too busy for other friends so what’s the deal? Or will that just push him further away?

As we’ve established, I think it’s obvious he’s avoiding seeing me because he’s worried about falling for me again. If you recall our talk back in November, where he said hanging out with me makes him feel like we’re dating again and because of our history and connection if we start hanging out he’d want me back.

So if that’s the case, why don’t I have him back? If hanging out with me would make him easily want me back, if he’s still attracted to me, if he enjoys my conversation, then everything I’ve done according to the plan has worked. But I have no success in actually getting him. Do you see what I’m saying? He’s not letting that last step happen, and it’s not because I haven’t worked on myself because he TOLD our mutual friend he can see I’ve changed for the better. I’ve done everything in the plan, and objectively he’s not even doing as well as me post-breakup, as he’s gone on hardly any dates, gained weight, etc. I don’t understand why this won’t work.
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 30, 2017 at 7:41 pm

I agree with talking to him about it.. So, that you can get clear answers instead of second guessing
Gloria

March 16, 2017 at 4:27 pm

I messaged him about it, and he ignored the text. /eyeroll A few days later, I messaged about something else and he answered in 30 seconds. He’s obviously avoiding the topic of interacting in person or phone – I say it’s because he’s worried about falling for me again. Because he’s answering texts on any other topic! I even got him to answer to “hey what’s up” which isn’t even interesting, lol.

I just found out he’s coming to a mutual friend’s party tomorrow night. Haven’t seen each other in two and a half months now. What’s the most effective strategy for how to act tomorrow? These are the scenarios I’m imagining: If I ignore him and flirt with other people, he’ll get angry and spiteful (last time I flirted with a guy in front of him, he purposely was all over our other friend who he doesn’t even like). If I act friendly and talk to him a lot, he’ll probably push me further away because he’ll find himself feeling that connection again. If I outright flirt with him, he’ll know I still want him back. So what’s the course of action? Idk how to act tomorrow to make any progress!
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 16, 2017 at 7:42 pm

be friendly with him ti establish a good impression
Gloria

February 24, 2017 at 3:23 am

He’s not good at talking about his feelings. I asked him a couple months ago and said it seems to me he’s not being honest with himself about how he feels about me based on XYZ, and he said “you’re probably right” and I was like, okay so are we going to do anything about it or..?? Ugh. That was basically an admission he still has feelings, in my opinion. That conversation was like, two hours long. He just doesn’t want to talk about it, ya know? He’s been single this whole time. But the thing is, I’m not even talking about a relationship; I’m just trying to get him to see me for a coffee or something! It shouldn’t be that big of a deal. I don’t think he’s over me and if he sees me and hangs out with me, he’ll want me back. He even said he can’t do friends with benefits because if he started seeing me, he would just wanna date me and not meet any other girls, lol. BUT THAT’S THE GOAL. Do you get what I’m saying? It’s like I’m having success but I’m not because he’s refusing to let the last part of the strategy work. Also, our mutual friend told me today he was talking to her a few weeks ago saying he thinks I’m trying to get him back..idk how he can know that. I’m being as subtle as possible and following all the instructions Chris gives! But that means he’s STILL talking about me after all this time.. 😛
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 24, 2017 at 2:45 pm

then tell him that. be candid,funny and cheeky. Tell him, don’t worry, it’s not as if we’re getting married over coffee..
Gloria

February 23, 2017 at 7:29 am

Haha, you probably remember me – it’s been a long time now. I already did NC and all that ages ago. Months of back and forth with him, most recently telling me when we see each other he feels like I’m his girlfriend again, etc. We always have an instant connection in person, and he literally remembers more inside jokes that I do. But it’s like every time I get close, he pulls back. I guess that should be a good sign though, that I have this much of an effect on him. Very frustrating though because I keep getting setbacks. Anyways, what do I do about asking for a date since he never wrote back to my last message about hanging out? Just start over with the texting and then calls again..and then try inviting him to something else in a few weeks?
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 23, 2017 at 8:59 pm

Ahh.. I checked your email in all the messages, I remember you now! 🙂 At this point, ask him straight out what your status is, what he feels. So, that you’re not going back and forth.
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 22, 2017 at 8:47 pm

Yeah, it looks like he’s avoiding it. How long have you been trying to build rapport?

Jesse

February 21, 2017 at 4:55 pm

Hi team,

So my ex and I had our first official hang out (outside of couple’s counseling) this past weekend. When we sat down he said he was a little nervous and asked how I was. It was pretty lovely. There was a lot of lingering eye contact. We talked a little bit about the relationship but I was like “none of it matters.” He kept on asking if I was okay. At one point he asked how it felt being friends so soon after the breakup and when I kind of didn’t say anything he was like “well we don’t have to talk about that yet, maybe we can save that conversation for counseling.” So I was like “Yeah, I choose not to answer that question.” And he was like “That’s totally fine.”

Last week in counseling (which was the first time we saw each other, but it was in a very official capacity) the counselor kind of got very stern with him and said “YOU need to decide what you want.” And he told me I was not allowed to talk to my ex about it or influence his decision in any way.

Over the weekend my ex said he wanted to continue in couple’s counseling for the time being. Also, when we said goodbye we hugged for a really, really long time. He gave me a big squeeze at one point, and when we pulled apart our faces lingered very close to each other for some time.

So what’s next? Do I tell him I want to start going on dates again in counseling this week? Do I keep the pressure off and keep hanging out with him in a friendship capacity for a couple more weeks?

Let me know what you think. That hug and the all the lingering eye contact and keeping our faces so close felt very telling to me, but I don’t want to get ahead of myself.

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 22, 2017 at 8:00 pm

Hi Jesse,

with counseling, it depends on what your counselor says.. If she says you two should date, go ahead. Because she can see both of your status personally. But for me, if there’s no rapport and attraction, build that first. It should feel natural to want to see each other for dates or hang outs..

Jelly

February 21, 2017 at 12:43 pm

Hi! I’m not talking to my boyfriend for 25 days now and it seems like he doesn’t care anymore whether im gone or what. He just like some pics of girls on instagram because i made a dummy account. I mase myself better but im stsrting to miss him more. I sent him last saturday a long letter that im sending him that for the last time

Jelly

February 22, 2017 at 6:26 am

No im not moving on. I just said thank you to him for all the good things that happened between us despite of everything but yeah i got no respond and looks like he really wants to move on and i just feel that if i approach him nothing will happened
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 22, 2017 at 11:00 pm

Ok, well first, you shouldn’t have stalked him during nc.. And that’s an ok first contact text, but not really something that is conversational. I think you need to restart the count. If he did move on, he has to think you have to for him to be wiling to be friendly with you again. When you restart the count, be active again in improving yourself and in posting in social media. No social media stalking him. And then continue improving yourself even after nc, while rebuilding rapport. Check the link below for a first contact text. If he doesn’t reply, then at least you know you did what you can before moving on.

Handling The First Time You Talk To Your Ex After The No Contact Rule (Live Coaching Session)
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 21, 2017 at 11:39 pm

Hi Jelly,

do you mean you’re moving on?

Ola

February 21, 2017 at 11:22 am

Hi!
First of all I want to thank you. i comment here very often and yours advices are fantastic. I made a lot of mistakes during getting him back but I believe that I still can get him back( thanks to your site). Right now I’ve started Nc once again( as you advised me) but I have a little doubt. Today he has gotten engineer degree. Should I congratulate him and go back to NC or just stick to no contact rule?

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 21, 2017 at 11:31 pm

HI Ola,

It would be better to stick to nc..

vanessa

February 21, 2017 at 8:51 am

I’m on day 29, and my messages are still blocked on fb (you can tell now without sending anything). I’m worried it may be too soon. I was planning on making contact on day 35, but should I wait longer? No idea if I’m blocked by text either so…

Vanessa

February 22, 2017 at 2:14 am

Thanks for replying. What is the benefit of going to day 45 over day 30? Also, I had deactivated my Facebook until 2 days ago, and now I’m actively posting, do you think that might have made a difference to things?
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 22, 2017 at 10:35 pm

Start the count of the 66 days from the last day you talked, so that means you’re not in the 66th day mark yet. And 45 days is just being safe that if he does unblock you after 30 days, it will not look like you’re just waiting for him to do it to message him.
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 21, 2017 at 11:20 pm

HI Vanessa,

I think you should extend to 45 to be safe..

Brianna

February 21, 2017 at 5:13 am

Hello Christ and Ex-Boyfriend Recovery Team!

I made a comment on one of the older articles on here about my situation and how I just wanted to move on from my break-up with my ex. 5 months ago, my ex broke -up with me due to having different interests and me being too quiet for his liking, I was depressed and truthfully speaking, I’m still quite sad about the whole break-up. Even to this day I still think about him daily, and I still miss and want him back, but neither of us has bothered to contact the other since the break-up. Because he hasn’t bother to contact me, I been worrying that he’s already moved on since day 1 of the break-up and that the time I invested in our relationship was a waste, but upon reading this article has helped ease a bit of that worry. I’m still going to continue taking care of myself and live my life day by day, but I just wanted to say thank you for all the expert advice, it’s been helping me cope with my break-up the past few months!

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 21, 2017 at 11:15 pm

Hi Brianna,

Thank you too! I’ll forward this to Chris!

Aura

February 20, 2017 at 6:48 pm

I broke up with him, because my previous ex had confused me too much (daughter’s father). We were together 2.5 years and I was going through a lot of depression. After I realized I really did not want my daughter’s father (5 years ago we had a terrible relationship that I had forgotten about and I thought maybe it would be better for my kid if I went back), I went back to talk to him and apologize for being an ass and discovered he was in a “casual” relationship (literally 1.5 weeks after the breakup) and he wanted to try that out, and didn’t want to deal with my emotions anymore.
He really wanted to just be friends, so he started messaging me all the time, checking how I was doing, worried about me when I was sick or driving a long distance, and generally putting in more effort than he ever had during the relationship. I came across this site in that time and decided to try the no contact thing, he freaked out and started messaging emotional things like don’t ever message me again, one day, to i miss you, the next day, to I just need to hear you say we can’t be friends, the third day. To calling, I don’t know why, but then finally called to say he just wanted me to tell him we weren’t going to be friends.
Out of that conversation I got that he’s still happy with his no expectations, he just misses talking to me. I said that’s not fair to me, or to whoever this other girl is that is. But he wouldn’t confirm if she’s still around, he gets defensive and generally annoyed if I ask. I tried not to but got all emotional and said I didn’t want to be friends with him, because I can’t bear to worry that I’m just being strung along, and feeling like he chose someone else over me and I’m the backup plan. He said how could we ever get back to a relationship if we don’t start out trying to be friends.
He seems almost relieved that I don’t want to be friends because it allows him to focus on his life. I know he might just be hiding his feelings, because he is hurt from losing me. But I don’t know what is the best course of action at this point. If someone could want to move on that much to someone else, should I really even want them in my life?

Aura

March 1, 2017 at 12:29 am

I completely want to initiate contact all the time. It’s driving me crazy. After telling him I can’t talk to him cuz it hurts right now that he’s moving on, he has finally stopped trying to contact me at all. He removed me from any social media. He’s told mutual friends he’s “Talking” with someone he’s known for a while. I feel like no contact is just going to make him more unlikely to care anymore (he did say he missed me but then said he still likes his freedom), but I’m going to stick it out. I feel like he’s just going to dig in and refuse to move from this new person because he will have had 2 months to get to know her *and they were friends before*. I’m so angry because I feel like when I needed him most he just bailed. I don’t know how to get over that anger at him, but I still want him to come back.
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 1, 2017 at 7:59 pm

Feel it, acknowledge it and know that the feeling is a reaction to what he did but it’s not who you are. Separate yourself from your emotions. Take responsibility for what you feel, but don’t let it decide for you.
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 21, 2017 at 8:39 pm

Hi Aura,

then think about that first.. whether you want him back or not, start the no contact rule. Because the only difference is that, you would initiate contact after a number of days of ignoring him if you want him back..

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87 thoughts on “Is My Ex Boyfriend Over Me Already?”