Popular posts
The Complete Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back
How To Make Him Miss You After A Breakup
The Ungettable Girl
The No Contact Rule (The Definitive Guide)
The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule
The Male Mind AFTER The No Contact Rule
What Your Ex Boyfriend Says Vs. What He Really Means
Here’s Exactly What He’s Thinking During The No Contact Rule
What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Blocks You
Signs My Ex Wants Me Back
Recent posts
Traits Avoidants Find Attractive
What Happens When A Narcissist Collapses?
How Do Avoidants Sabotage A Relationship?
Dismissive Avoidants And The No Contact Rule
The Power Of Silence After Rejection
Why Are Dismissive Avoidants Cruel?
The #1 Reason A Man Suddenly Commits
How Long Does Avoidant Deactivation Last?
How To Let Go Of An Avoidant Partner
How Do Avoidants Create Distance?
Post categories
Hanna
September 22, 2013 at 8:18 pm
Me and my ex were together for 3 years before we broke up 2 months ago. The reason he broke up with me was because I didn’t fully appreciate him and stopped treating him as well as I should have. To this, I fully understood my mistake and I have apologized and tried making amends. Now, my ex and I still talk all the time… And here’s where it gets very weird.
Basically, he tells me he is still in love with me. Now when he says this, I know without a doubt that he means it. And I still love him in return, possibly more strongly. However, he still doesn’t want to get back together with me. Whenever we see each other in person now, which is multiple times a week, we might end up kissing, having sex, talking about our breakup, talking about life in general and just long deep discussions that we always would used to have.
Granted, I completely want him back and in a relationship with me, but he of course has made some mistakes too. He never brought up any issues that he was feeling while we were in a relationship, so I was never aware of how poorly I was acting. Its no excuse, however, and I have apologized so many times but I think that he just isn’t able to forgive me… Which is probably why he wont get back into a relationship with me.
We love each other, and I want to show him that he can forgive me and feel secure with me. Any advice?
admin
September 22, 2013 at 11:30 pm
Do you think the two of you could have a long lasting relationship?
Hanna
September 23, 2013 at 7:25 am
Yes, I mean of course considering if he’s willing to recognize and resolve his own mistakes as well…
Kathy
September 26, 2013 at 7:43 pm
I’d love to hear the advice you give. I am in exactly the same position. We were together for 2 years and I broke up because I was tired of being his 2nd priority only. After we split I really understood why he is so keen on working (with good reasons) and why I only come second.
As above, he tells me that he loves me and that he wants me to give him time and be patient. Yet, instead of taking his time he is dating someone else. Anyway, I’d really like to hear your advice on the above case.
Thank you.
admin
September 27, 2013 at 6:05 am
He is dating someone else eh?
Shucks, I know how much that must annoy you/hurt you. I actually remember when I heard my ex was dating someone that she had a crush on when she was dating me. It stung a little bit.
How soon after the breakup did he start dating this new girl?
Sangay
September 20, 2013 at 9:16 pm
I recently broke up with my boyfriend , he thinks I violated his body because I took his private picture and showed to him and by accidentally someone saw it , my intention was not to hurt or violated just did it to bring some smile on his face coz I do send funny sexy pic of mine and he loves it ,, now he says our lives and life goals are different , my heart is not accepting to break up with him , we love each other , should I wait till he calls me or should I move on ? Thanks
admin
September 21, 2013 at 10:52 pm
I don’t think you should ever wait around for him to call you. You should do something proactive. Granted, I do think the NC rule is a good way for you to go.
Jena
September 15, 2013 at 8:56 pm
I was talking to this guy from April until now, including May-August being summer time and both of us going home from our college towns. We spent a lot of time together facetiming, skyping, keeping in touch during the summer. We moved very quickly with intentions of dating I guess. He trusted me so much, even this summer when I went to Texas for a weekend conference, mentioning that I might see a guy I used to talk to, he said it’d be okay to go get coffee and catch up, even though my friends said I’d be risking losing his trust. I didn’t meet up with the guy regardless because of lack of time and I didn’t even reply to his texts. Anyway, 5 months later I am here because I “cheated” on him even though we were not official and I was just tired of him not claiming me, even though in our small town everyone and his mom knew about us. He told me once, “just tell people we are dating until I officially ask you out.” I was with him the night I “cheated” but he left about 3 hours before me. I spent all night with some high school friends and I didn’t even look at anyone else until I saw this really fine guy outside, who was just so nice and seemed comforting. I remember telling him don’t let my boyfriend find out (Even though he wasn’t my boyfriend). Anyway, I told him I hooked up with another guy the next day and he was really mad. I didn’t tell him the entire truth (had seX) with the random guy until 3 days later (he had 3 tests that week), but he finally came over and talked to me today after I asked his roommates to get him to understand my side (we weren’t official/ I still feel like shit/ it’s both of our faults because you didn’t want to claim me). He said that he was going to ask me to be his girlfriend the week before but waited a week because his school schedule. I want him back. He told me to give him some more space because like you said, he’s angry every time he thinks about it. He feels betrayed. Even though we weren’t dating, I told him I loved him a plethora of times. I don’t know what to do now. Of course from reading your site, I see I should do the NC zone, but it’s ALL my fault I think so what should I do?
admin
September 16, 2013 at 5:17 am
Well first thing’s first. STOP BLAMING YOURSELF. So, you made a mistake. Accept it and move on.
You do nothing by dwelling on it.
And yes, NC would be ideal in this situation.
Jena
September 16, 2013 at 3:31 pm
Even though I see him all the time, I can avoid him. However, what if he tries to talk to me in the 30 days? I told him we should meet up every Sunday, but he never replied back. I have definitely stopped blaming myself because if he treated me better I probably wouldn’t have gone out to find emotional comfort (logical?)?
admin
September 17, 2013 at 1:25 am
Well, if you are doing NC then you won’t respond to him hahaha.
Jena
September 16, 2013 at 3:49 pm
I don’t want to change him and make him treat me better, the way I was to him because I want him to realize it himself, but what do you think? I’ve stopped blaming myself but I do miss his friendship, and this isn’t very coherent thinking, but do you think I should get back with him in maybe a couple of months? Or just move on?
admin
September 17, 2013 at 1:28 am
I think if you truly think you have a future with this person then go for it!
Bianca
September 15, 2013 at 8:25 pm
Hi, my name is Bianca and I hope you will respond and give me your opinion. So I had a thirteen month relationship with my ex boyfriend until last early June. Before hand he and I went to the same elementary school together, after that we didn’t talk nor seen each other in six years. Before April 4th, 2012 (the day we started to have a relationship
) we had a conversation about our last six years. well when we got into our relationship I told what I had which was depression and that I am suicidal. After a wile like maybe in a month or so we had a little situation of who’s parents are more legible of giving us transportation for where ever we want or pleaded but he gave me nonsense excuses of why he can’t ask his parents anything without getting a strong talk. (my apologize for the long commentary, but it’s the only way hopefully you will help me) it would actually be me who is getting the strong talk. I had an issue with that so I told him that he can’t be afraid of his parents, and trying to comfort him. after a wile he and I would get into fights where I say things I don’t mean to say, but that happens to everyone. well he made me feel horrible every time and it would just go on forever so I kept breaking and getting back together with him. this happened three times, the last one we had a very bad fight and we broke the next morning. later on that evening I completely had that terrible regretful feeling and asked to be with him once more he refused this time, but said “we can be friends”. I gave him the explanation that that would be very hard. he understood and said he would have to not talk to me in any kind of online social network because it would be to hard. I asked if there will be any kind of chance we might be together once again, he answered “maybe but I don’t think it will happen”. so ever since that break up he would never return my texts, calls, letters, even not look or say hi to my family, or myself. One day we did look at each other when we passed, and he gave me the look like he missed me but he isn’t sure what to think of. I have no clue what to do now, either do some sort of motivational speech in my school (by the way I am sixteen years old, and I don’t care if I am too young I found my true love and I’m finding a way to get him back.) and slowly get into talking about him and maybe singing a song. Well if you would please give me your thoughts, opinions, and expertise I would be delighted to have them. please and thank you very much.
-bianca
-B
admin
September 16, 2013 at 5:16 am
I want you to read this article TOP to BOTTOM
Meg
September 12, 2013 at 3:42 pm
My ex and I dated each other for about a month in freshman year of college. He broke up with me because he didn’t see our relationship lasting. We did NC for a few months after that and became good friends again.
Now we just graduated college and neither of us dated other people after. Throughout the years we got into many arguments, mainly me trying to convince him that we should be together. But he never wanted it and I gave up trying to convince him and after a few more months of NC for the second time, I began to get over him.
Now, we’re still really good friends but the strange thing is, after I stop going for him, he begins to flirt like crazy. He shows no interest in other girls and he compliments me and always hints at us ending up with each other in the future. This has been going on for the past year and we still talk to each other almost everyday.
I don’t understand if he wants me now because he sees me as a challenge or if he has really fallen for me? Also he’s so much more open and loving now than before and he’s never tried to take advantage of me sexually. Thanks!
admin
September 13, 2013 at 3:57 am
Interesting situation.
I think it is a bit of both to be honest. He wants you because you are a challenge but at the same time has feelings deep down inside him somewhere.
Meg
September 13, 2013 at 5:02 am
Thanks for the reply! I forgot to ask this earlier but recently he’s been doing this weird thing where he excessively flirts one day and barely speaks to me the next day. Is that some dumb mind game he’s playing to get my attention or just a typical guy behavior?
admin
September 13, 2013 at 6:10 pm
I am going to vote mind game.
jane
September 11, 2013 at 9:06 am
hi, my boyfriend n i broke up after a huge fight n immediately after i moved to another state to work there. while there i tried getting back with him over the phone but to no avail. i gave up. after 3months he started contacting me n told me he wanted me back, i couldn’t come immediately coz of work n he got so annoyed with me. i later came back n after 2months i started communicating with him n the response was positive. he told me he wanted me back n that we should take things slowly, he later on out of the blues told me that he dint want me anymore. i let him be, then 1month later we started talking n it was good, n the next week he told me that he no longer wants me n that he is in a relationship. i got really hurt n scared. the day before yesterday we met for a drink (after begging him to see me even for the last time) n he was so not into me, he wouldn’t even let me touch him, then out of the blues he started coming round n we had s*x, but his emotions were not there, i could feel it. he told me we could be friends n that he would be calling n texting me, but i should still know that he has a new chick who he really loves. we were to meet the next day for a drink n at 6 in the evening i texted to ask whether we were still meeting n he told me we couldn’t coz he was not through with work n was far from the city. i said ok. 20minutes later he texts me saying that i should leave him alone, i should know that he has a girlfriend, we should not even be friends, that he does not want me back n that the next time i call him he will report me to the authorities as a stalker. i was shocked beyond words. i honestly don’t know what made him change in just 20minutes. this is the eighth month we are apart. i want to give him time since i feel that he still is so angry with me. i still love the guy n really want him back. i believe he still loves me but he is thinking too much about it n that he still is angry with me. i am giving him space but at the same time am worried that this space will make him fall more n more in love with this new chick. in this 8months we both have had small time relationships that did not work n this gives me some little hope that we will get back together. i have always believed that we were meant to be. at times i just feel like giving up but something somewhere tells me not to. i also want him to forgive me first for it was my faults that caused the breakup. please help me understand his on n off emotions, n how can i make him see that i am seriously changing for the best, i have this short temper that he does not like n its mostly what makes us fight. i want him to give me a second chance to prove to him that i do regret my shortcomings n want to change.
admin
September 12, 2013 at 3:17 am
Hi Jane,
Have you gone NC yet?
It might be a good time to work on your temper also hahaha.
rosie
September 5, 2013 at 7:40 pm
Hi chris,
I just need ur opinion on certain issues.
At one time i have two boyfriends, one is single and one is married man. I dont call myself a playgirl but enough if i would say..the single man is my safe deposit for future long term relatioknship. While for the married man he is kind and serious abt our relationship but there is impossible for us to get married because he wont divorce his current wife (because of they have a child together).
My mistakes was i let things hanging and dont know how to confront my problems where the fact is i already make a decision. Which result with massive issue im having in.
To cut stories short..the wife of the married man eventually knew about us having relationship and going crazy after me.
And unfortunately both of my boyfriends knew about me having this triangle love relationship.
I immediately broke up with both…and the real reason because i want to make decision and clear up my mind.
After reading and taking your advice, i chose my single exboyfriend and things werent easy as i could imagine.
Even i already broke up with the married man, the wife still haunting me like keep digging about my life, stalking me, saying bad things about me to her husband and trying to do her all out to make her husband hate me so much.
What make me sad the most where my married exboyfriend told me that his wife making contact with my single exboyfriend and my single exboyfriend told her everything about me for example he told his wife that her husband keep calling me, my activities with her husband, sharing my picture to her etc.
I am so confused now. Dont know which one i have to trust.
I finished no contact rule with my single ex boyfriend. And my first text message was failed as his response was neutral and now im back with no contact rule for 2 weeks.
I limit myself to contact my married exboyfriend as we do working at the same place and sometimes it is unavoidable.
I dont know what to do.
I started to think irrationally now. Confused and life is complicated..
admin
September 6, 2013 at 2:30 am
I am a little confused. Which one are you trying to get back? The married one?
rosie
September 6, 2013 at 6:40 am
the single one..
rosie
September 6, 2013 at 6:42 am
The truth is i dont know..and im so sad if the single one is together in feeding info to the wife..why he would do that?
Just need ur opinion..
I chose the single one earlier..
rosie
September 7, 2013 at 6:02 am
what should i do? just proceed with nc rule until i got the positive response?
admin
September 7, 2013 at 11:48 pm
That is what I would do.
admin
September 7, 2013 at 1:43 am
No, I am glad you chose the single one!
Tempest
September 3, 2013 at 5:27 am
Hi,
I broke up with my boyfriend in the middle of a fight, usually we’d have kept talking and work it out but I was embarrassed because his friend was out the front and heard everything so I went to shower and bed. The next day he was talking about who should move out. I knew it wasn’t what I wanted but he was making it clear he did. He then sent me a text saying he didn’t think this was what he wanted but it really is, he’s not ready to settle down, we were together for a year.
He continuously text me every day and sometimes is rude and mean about what I’m doing eg. Going out on the weekend, he snooped through my shopping bags and text me about the dress I was wearing saying it’s “slutty”. He text me saying he’s got a job and other personal things that should no longer be my business. We are still unfortunately living with each other because I can’t find anywhere to move to. He never comes home but when he does he’s edgy and nervous. I lay in the bed the first two nights thinking he wouldn’t come home as he told me he was out partying (but seen instagram pics of him asleep on a mates couch), he did come home and I was still awake because I couldn’t sleep I just kept crying, when he got into the bed he moved over to me and put his arm around me. I moved it off me thinking at the time he was drunk and just not realising what he was doing, but now I know he was sober, makes me think he was missing me. I really miss him. I have got better I don’t cry anymore or feel like I’m dying but I’m not ready to lose him. I know I can be happy without him, but I don’t want to be. He says our relationship failed because we clash too much, but all he ever said was how much he loved me in the weirdest ways, my laugh and the quirks I have. He was the one who wanted to move out, he was the one who spoke about marriage. I let him have freedom and friends I never tried to make him into someone he wasn’t. I don’t know if I have any of your “legitimate” reasons, but I have the most legitimate of all. Love. I know I am willing to slowly rebuild what’s gone wrong. But I can’t tell with him, he fluctuates. One day he tells me that he will always love and miss me but we don’t work. The next it’s my fault, I’m this and that and he is 200% fine with his new amazing single self. Then he says he’s not ready to be in any relationship with another person and never will. He just confuses me. He tried to make me jealous by posting immature status’ about being single and on the prowl when really he’s sitting at a mates house with a bunch of guys. I just need some help. Should I hold on to hope that he will realise his mistake and initiate something? Or should I completely forget that and realise he’s just immature and never really loved me? I’m trying really hard to believe that separating is what’s best for both of us, but I just have a hole in my heart telling me that this is wrong in every way. I’m not asking you if I should chase him and force him to be with me again, just wondering, third party point of view am I crazy to feel that he does still care and is just as confused as I am?
Please help me, I am not dealing with this confusing situation as well as he seems to be. 🙁
admin
September 3, 2013 at 6:27 pm
Haha I don’t think you are crazy.
Have you tried anything like the NC rule before?
Keisha
August 28, 2013 at 3:38 pm
Your three good reasons for getting back together w/an ex so fits the man that I was just entering into a relationship with. The only problem is after he and I spent only four and a half hours together, he decides we were not going to work. Said it was because I didnt like sex. In my eyes, it wasnt because I didnt like sex, I just didnt want to be use for a slip and slide on our first-time being together. So I put a halt on everything. Now, he’s in a relationship w/his sex buddy. Which, in my opinion again this is where he really wanted to be in the first place. Said that it wasnt, but I left him in heat (are grown mature aged men still going around saying that?) Anyway, since ive been reading your articles I have thoroughly enjoyed the advice. Because, a lot of it is talking about my situation w/him. Enjoy your day.
admin
August 29, 2013 at 3:54 am
Thanks Keisha, it is nice to have someone just compliment you every once in a while.
Ashley
August 27, 2013 at 9:45 pm
Hi so I dated my ex boyfriend for about two years. Last year before a made the switch to college as a freshmen I broke up with him because he repeatedly said that he didn’t think long distance would work. I regretted breaking up with him and he took it really hard even though i thought that was what he wanted. We talked everyday for the past year while i was in my freshman year of college. During this time we were kind of friends with benefits. However during xmas break last year i found out he had slept with two other girls. I told him that i couldnt talk to him anymore because i was just so upset. That only lasted for about 2 weeks. Once we started talking again i told him if it ever happened again i would not be able to come back to him like i did this time. This summer we slipped back into the friends with benefits zone again and i found out a week ago, he had slept with another girl in the middle of the summer. I blocked him on all social media but he showed up at my house bawling a few days ago and now all i want is to be with him. I have wanted to date him for the past year but he wasnt ready, he told me. He now says he is ready and i want to date him again. Am i letting him walk all over me? Is it okay for me to get back together with him? What should i do?
admin
August 28, 2013 at 4:17 am
I think that is a decision you need to come to for yourself.
However, you might want to just try dating him for a month to see how it goes.
southerngirl
August 26, 2013 at 10:16 pm
My ex bf broke up with me almost 2 years ago. He has kept contact with me, not much but this last contact was a month ago. He told me he was fine and that he has been real busy with work. And that he is back in town where I live. I know I hurt him so bad but I am still in love with him. I just don’t know if this is his way of opening up communication with me?
admin
August 27, 2013 at 4:20 am
My gut tells me that it is his way of opening up.
Sophia
August 26, 2013 at 7:07 pm
My boyfriend and I broke up about a week and a half ago. We were together for 10 months. It was a mutual ending and we got some closure a few days later. He said that he felt like we were “stuck”. We stopped pushing each other to be better people and that everything in our relationship essentially stayed the same. I completely agree.
He is very unhappy with how things in his life are right now, and we basically said, that we really need to get our “stuff” together.
He said he hadn’t been fully in it for a couple of months (when we started being “stuck”), but tried to work it out on his own. I felt the same way and considered breaking up with him for the same reason. However, we had a really good thing before we stopped moving forward. I truly think we were holding each other back, but don’t know if that is something that we can work on together when we’re maybe in a different headspace. Is this really worth the time and potential pain?
admin
August 27, 2013 at 4:09 am
Only you can determine that. If you decide you want to give this a shot I will do my best to give you the tools to succeed.
Sorry, your heart has to be in this and if I told you to do it then I would always wonder if you are just doing it because I told you to. I say make your own decision and if you decide it is worth it then I will do my absolutely best to prepare you.
Jane
August 25, 2013 at 9:16 am
…
Sophia
August 28, 2013 at 12:04 am
I definitely want to get back together with him. I have been reading your guide, and was already planning on not contacting him. Obviously, this just started, so I have a while to go. I’m working on myself (joined a gym) because I know that each of us not bettering ourselves anymore was part of the problem.
Again, I know we really care about each other, but I’m afraid I’ve made some mistakes already. Can this still help?
admin
August 28, 2013 at 4:19 am
I think so.
Jane
August 25, 2013 at 9:12 am
Hi…
I have broken up with my boyfriend of 3 years about 2 months ago. He was heartbroken when i did it. We didn’t talk after I left as I told him I need a space to think about everything. The reasons why I left started when things got bad at his job. For about year it was a nightmare he was stressed at work and when we had arguments he would shout. Shout to the point that I would be scared. I am mad at myself that i never talk back. However he did find a new job and he is happy. Recently we started talking again but we are both scared. He is scared i am gonna break his heart again and leave. But i am scared that he is not going to change. I have never had long relationship so i don’t know if i am overreacting about the shouting. It only happened few times when he was about to loose his job.otherwise we did have happy relationship… I don’t know what to do. I will never know if he had changed if i don’t go back. I am just so confused. He wants to get back and says he won’t do it again but i don’t know. This was work what is tougher things happen in future? Sorry for going on about it so much. Hope you can advise 🙂
admin
August 27, 2013 at 3:08 am
Have you started your NC rule?
Amy
August 24, 2013 at 5:01 am
Hi, my best friend of 4 years who became my boyfriend for 1 and a half years broke up with me almost 2 months ago because he doesn’t love me that way anymore. He still really wants to be friends because he still really cares about me and thinks that I’m a really fun person. He tried to give me closure about a week or 2 ago saying that he can’t see a future with me in that way. We’re both going off to college now and I haven’t talked to him since he said that because I need time to heal. He said and truly believed that he would never break up with me ever while we were together. Around the same time he said he was starting to have doubts would have been around graduation and the beginning of summer. He now lives 45 minutes away. Is there anything I can do to help him maybe fall in love with me again? He had liked me for about 2 years and fell in love with me about 3 years ago.
admin
August 25, 2013 at 7:23 pm
Have you read the really long page on getting your ex boyfriend back?
Amy
August 26, 2013 at 5:13 am
Yes I have, I just don’t know how to work talking again into my life with him. He really wants to be friends and he made it really clear that he had no feelings for me that way. He was being really harsh in saying so in order to make me give up hope and get closure because he doesn’t like that he hurt me because he cares about me still. I don’t know how he’ll act if I act the way you suggest because he knows me well. Unfortunately we talked for about a month and a half after the breakup so about two weeks ago no contact started after the harsh closure talk.
admin
August 27, 2013 at 3:35 am
I guess your goal should be to see if you can get him to feel those feelings for you again. It may not happen but what the heck, mine as well go all out and try everything!
Amy
August 28, 2013 at 5:45 am
So there’s no reply option for your last comment so I had to reply here. I want him back as a boyfriend but I know the chances are really low for anyone to get an ex back. I just don’t want to trash the potential friendship (which, statistically speaking, is the general case…).
admin
August 29, 2013 at 3:37 am
Yea, I understand where you are coming from.
However, even with what I preach on this site (IF things don’t work out) you could still be friends.
Amy
August 27, 2013 at 3:53 am
See I don’t want him to not like me being so desperate and I’m afraid if I act like that he may not even want to be friends with me anymore… I want to keep him in my life. He’s my best friend and he makes me so unbelievably happy…
admin
August 28, 2013 at 3:11 am
So, you don’t want him back as a boyfriend you just want him back as a boyfriend?
Claire
August 13, 2013 at 11:48 pm
Hi, I’m Claire. I broke up with my ex 5 months ago today. I miss him from time to time. We went through our no contact period, even though we messaged eachother about 3 months ago on Facebook but that was it. Not a lot was said until 2 weeks ago when we spoke every single day for about 8 days and then we just stopped. Our relationship was really good. We only fought about his dumb lies here and there. The reason why I broke up with him 5 months ago was because I caught him stealing and I didn’t even ask him why I just dumped him. He explained his reasons 2 weeks ago, but all that did was bring old feelings back and it was like I was hurt and mad all over again so I told him to stop apologizing I once again decided not to talk to him. But now that my head is clear and now that we got closure I feel like I really want him back despite what he did before. He said he was cleaning up his act and trying to become a better person not only for me but for himself. I have a hard time trusting and believing him but I guess we just can’t control certain things and feelings.
admin
August 14, 2013 at 3:09 am
Hi Claire,
You caught him stealing, oh no.
Well, what do you think about trying out the NC rule?
Lirio ortiz
August 10, 2013 at 3:10 am
I broke up with my boyfriend last year and I still love him. The reason we broke up was because he would believe his friends about they said about me more than he believed me. I’ve tried talking to him but when I try I can’t say anything to him because I get worried about what he’s going to tell me. I know that he still has feelings for me because he admitted it to me. We just don’t know what to do anymore. Please help me.
admin
August 11, 2013 at 2:55 am
Seems your major problem is that your afraid to take a step. But the only way to know for sure is to give it a shot.
Judy
August 5, 2013 at 3:41 pm
I broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years ago – two weeks ago during a huge fight. After that I had a breakdown and was diagnosed with Major Depression after losing my job 6 months ago. My depression made things hard on me, and thus on him. He struggled with it, and took the brunt of it. He had a hard time understand why I felt the way I did about myself, and felt like a failure. We had a big fight two months ago and after that he changed and started to withdraw and started working late and not texting me or calling me to tell me he was coming home late, it’s like things just stopped. He also started seeing a therapist. There are other issues outside of me that he was also dealing with but because my depression was making me a selfish SOB I couldn’t see outside of myself and support him. I hurt him a lot, and the guilt I feel is overwhelming. I am getting help and am told that I can go back to being who I was in a little time with some medication and therapy. Our relationship was amazing before I lost my job. We had amazing companionship and I loved him more than I have anyone. He talked about marriage. Two weeks before we broke up he told me he loved me more than anything, and I meant the world to him and he was sorry if he didn’t say it enough. After the breakup we spoke and he was so hurt and angry he told me he didn’t know if we could get back together he needed to focus on himself, he loved me but something changed. He said he needed to take care of himself right now, he doesn’t know anything about the future. He said you hold a place in my heart and always will.
I know, even before i’m “well” that I want him back for all the right reasons, but will not touch base until I have a good foot hold on my situation and my self. But i’m not sure I can get him back, I know I have really hurt him incredibly and if he still loves me enough to try again.
charmee.. :)
August 8, 2013 at 7:57 pm
hi judy, fight for him if you really love him, then work it out!!!
admin
August 6, 2013 at 3:23 am
Hi Judy!
I am glad you want him back for all the right reasons.
Is there anything specific I can help you with?
Judy
August 6, 2013 at 3:26 am
Yes – what is the best way to let him know I made a mistake and do want him back? Will the No Contact rule here still work?
Why would he say just throw away my things, and keep going back and forth so much (ie., you mean more to me than anything in this world to, I love you but something has changed, he begged me not to give up, then says he doesn’t know what he wants, not wanting to see me to talk about it saying he’s afraid he’ll want to try again and he can’t right now)
admin
August 6, 2013 at 3:56 am
The NC rule can still work for ya!
Sorry, I am so busy today I couldn’t get to all your questions.
janjan
July 23, 2013 at 11:13 pm
what if they hurt you a lot after things broke it off and you find it hard to trust him…
admin
July 24, 2013 at 4:26 am
I think that, that is up to you on whether or not you should want him back after that point where he said mean things to you. Word of warning though, a lot of things are said that he doesn’t mean right after a breakup because he is usually angry.
kiki
July 25, 2013 at 12:19 pm
Why would he be angry when was the who ended it and what about the flip flopping what does that mean?
admin
July 26, 2013 at 2:50 am
It is very possible fore a guy to get angry even if he was the one who broke it off. I am now sure what you meant by the flip flopping though?
kiki
July 26, 2013 at 6:20 pm
One min he’s friendly like we would be having a conversation about a movie that one of us saw then like a day or two later if i try to have a casual conversation with him during our exchange he’ll ignore me he’ll go back and forth with this right now he’s back to his cold ignoring self again. Or the other thing he’ll do if i ask a question about our daughter after he replies sometimes I’ll throw a joke in afterwards and then he’ll stop answering
admin
July 28, 2013 at 3:58 am
Then don’t throw any more jokes in for now. AND you may need to let more NC time go by to get some favorable responses.
kiki
July 22, 2013 at 10:45 am
We were happy together at least thats what i seen there was somethings that i didn’t like towards the end that led to him cheating it was his drinking and partying constantly with a former female friend that i didn’t like we started arguing more and more after our daughter born because he’d rather party and drink everyweek i still love him and still want to be with him i even still want a future with this man but in the end all he wanted to do was stay for the baby thats what he said before dumping me i guess what im asking is he worth fighting for because one min i say to myself i really love this man i wish he’d come back but then i think about what he has done to me almost this past year and hate his guts any advice?
P.S. another thing that he does now is be cold and distant most of the time and there has been moments where was nice and we were joking and lauhing then a day later he’ll be back to his cold distant self why is he flip flopping