Is Your Ex Boyfriend Playing Mind Games On You? Let's Find Out!

652 thoughts on “Let’s Find Out If Your Ex Boyfriend Is Playing Mind Games”

Mistaken

December 4, 2015 at 1:57 am

My ex and I have been broken up for bout a week this time. We’ve been together on and off for 9 years we have one child together. He called me out the blue today with” someone texted his phone and told him that I was trying to hook up with someone. To me it feels like a lie because I know I haven’t even looked at another since this break up. Why is he lieing like that? He’s got to be lieing.
kate

December 2, 2015 at 5:44 pm

Hi Chris please help!

My babys father is driving me crazy

We split up 12 weeks ago weve had alot of ups and downs since then. I asked him to leave due to him going out all the time thinking he would come back but aftet a huge row he said he didnt think we could move on. The last 3 or 4 weeks have been really confusing he started off seeming like he wantes to come back then acted like he was seeing someone then he was horrid to me and when we sorted stuff he said he had put everything on hold to concentrate on our son then he was all flirty with me and always wanted my attention when he was round but made it sound like he was getting into a relationship but when he thought i was going out to meet a guy last week he caused a row yet the next day was all flirty again and had been all week we were even texting one night and he basically told me.if he was at mine we would be having sex..i even met his granny on monday from ireland yet today he seemed back to being distant and giving me attitude. I dont understand what hes doing. Does he want to be here but wont admit it or is he just playing games and doesnt want to be here
PLEASE HELP i cant properly move on while hes being like this.
whittney barrow

November 30, 2015 at 4:47 am

I REALLY need your advice..i am 8 months pregnant. My childs father and I have been on and off for 2 years. He never truly seemed invested in our relationship, even from the beginning. Long story short, ive tried everything. he stopped having sex with me about 3 months ago claiming he was really depressed, sick ..etc. I believed it until I hit my breaking point. I am the one in need right now as far as my weight gain and needing him to be here for me. I just ended the NC rule with him. he contacted me day before yesterday and yesterday again asking why I rushed out of work so fast, making small talk. He ask was I seeing anyone because that is what he heard at work, (NO IM NOT) and then he said he wasn’t seeing anyone and then I dropped the ball. I confessed my undying love for him and that’s why I am not seeing anyone and plus im pregnant with his child..DUH. anyways we talked a little today and then bam, he goes GHOST. he did that last night too but then he responded first today and then like is said he just up and stop texting me today about 2pm. I could text him saying I have a confession but I don’t want too. Maybe I need to but im tired of always being the first to initiate my feelings. he said he did still love me today but nothing more that that..I NEED ADVICE

Chris Seiter

December 2, 2015 at 12:38 am

Ah take it slower. Try no contact for a week you need to undo that mistake of the undying love confession. When you talk to him again dont mention getting back together.

Robin

November 14, 2015 at 5:05 pm

Ex and I broke up last week. Dated for 5 months, did everything together, I pretty much lived at his place, and we shared expenses for food and gas, etc. I knew his cousin, all his closest friends, he told his parents about me. Whenever we argued though he’d say it’s all my fault, you did this not me, and sometimes he would yell. A few arguements I would say I’m done, ask for my things, he’d say he’s not home and to come some other day, then we’d make up and go back to “normal”. The nail in the coffin for me was when I let him drive my car, I got nervous about his driving when we were in traffic, he pulled over and yelled in my face very aggressively. I told him I’m driving him home, the whole ride I didn’t say a word, while he kept calling me names and telling me how I’m the problem not him. Then when we got to his place he asked to hang out! I said no, I asked for my things, he only gave me one thing back and I drove off. An hour later I texted and called and said lets talk he said no we’re done. 8 hours later in the middle of the night says we’ll talk Thursday (2 days later). Thursday comes, I text him around 5pm, he says he changed his mind, doesn’t want to be with me anymore, I said I needed the rest of my things, he said he’d drop them off Sunday. Saturday comes and I start getting messages from a fake profile (I’ve had fake profiles message me during our arguments before and the messages stopped as soon as I said it was him then the next day he’d say lets work on things). So this fake Facebook profile sends me messages about what real love is to them, what makes a serious relationship last, what qualities they look for in love, and that they were ready for a stable relationship with marriage potentials. I called him out saying it was him and the messages stopped. I called him out directly and he said it wasn’t him. Then I ask for my things and he says he’s not home (surprise surprise) he would be home Friday (it was Wednesday). Later that day he posts on Facebook that he was at home playing video games all day! Then the next day I start getting messages from another fake profile that has the same birthday as me, is friends with his real profile and a mutual friend of ours. He was pretending to be a musician (I’m a musician) and talking to me about music. Thursday at 2am he texts and says we have to do Saturday bc he got booked for a job on Friday. Friday morning I wake up to it and say okay sounds good. Later that afternoon I asked if he wanted to hang out later. Literally 3 mins later I get a message from the new fake profile (I can see they’ve signed out right after they sent the message bc Facebook shows you when they were last active), then 10 mins later he shares something on his real profile. It is now Saturday morning and still no text from him about getting my things back or the hanging out message I sent (I sent it bc I thought he was trying to show he still wanted to work things out bc all these fake profiles and telling me he’s not home when he is, making it difficult to get my things back). I’m torn between just telling him to just keep my things and just ignoring him and moving on. I did the initial breakup then when I came back a day later he said no, then all these fake profile messages now he always says some other day when I want my things. He’s done this before when we’ve had fights in the past, but they’ve never lasted this long. So do I ignore him and move on with my life, or do I keep playing these games back, bc I do secretly still want to be with him? If he was really done with me wouldn’t he have just let me get my things when I wanted and not lied about being home like he’s done before? Or is he really done? Btw he loves messing with people, and Trolling on Facebook, he likes playing games with people. Which didn’t happen during the good parts of our relationship, only when we argue does this side come out. What do I do?
Krystallia

October 21, 2015 at 11:08 pm

Hello….what if he flirts another girl in order to call the quits?Maybe he suspects that there’s still something more from my part and he tries to cut the whole thing off.BUT what i don’t understand is that he also does things that i could “misunderstand”.The thing is that everyone that sees us has the impression that something’s definately going on between us!So i’m sure that i’m not doing this only by myself tho he tries to blame it on me!He’s playing safe.But so am I!Nonetheless he says that i’m only getting frustrated on my own cos i’m crazy! :O (we fight alot).But he’s being rude!And when he does i react and he doesn’t take over responsibitlity!For example: he flirts with someone else,he talks anout it with my bestie infront me,when i’m trying to get into the convo in a friendly way he shuts me down “i don’t talk this kinda stuff with you”,and he continues flirting!He doesn’t talk about it with me BUT he does it infront of me!!!And when the chic goes he comes next to me,provoquing my reaction!But if you want to have a calm rls as you say why are you coming next to me???When you know that imma react???Go away and let me be!!!Oh and ofc when i react i’m the lunitic….pffffff…soooo….he wants to cut me off right???
Jen

October 15, 2015 at 3:33 pm

Woah..
Hi Chris haha,
So I read this article before while I was still in NC. But now I’ve been out of NC for about 3 weeks and I think my ex may be playing mind games. But I’m not sure. I have many questions that I’ll ask throughout this comment but to make it easier for you, I will restate them at the end.
At first, we had great conversations. There was a 70/30 split with texts, we spoke on the phone twice, he tried to meet up (but we couldn’t because of a hurricane), we told each other we still loved each other (he said it first but then added he wasn’t ready to get back together saying “the timing is wrong”. He’s still dealing with his friends suicide from what I see. I agreed saying there’s things we both need to work on). He also started to become unsure about things, the only thing he didn’t hesitate in saying was that he knows he loves me. But now when we text (about every 3 days for the past 2 weeks) he never texts first, sometimes doesn’t reply at all (maybe 2/12 times), and when he does he ghosts from a positive conversation.
I know you said to combat this I should do a confession text and accept the fact that he won’t text first for now and make sure my texts are interesting (which I will do) but will that work when we have already established that I still love him? Could he be playing mind games AND be thinking he doesn’t have to chase me? Is it a good idea to go into a short NC for about a week or two so he doesn’t think I’m too available for him?
Also, I thought it was interesting that during our first week of communication, he expressed that he wanted to have sex (not super directly). I told him that if he wanted that with me, he’d have to wait because I don’t do that outside of relationships. He said he’d wait. This is before he started playing games. However he does seem to be waiting (as in, not going after other girls to “take care of his needs”). But according to Twitter, he is extremely sexually frustrated. I know I cross his mind at some point during his little episodes because, while I’m not the first girl he’s been with, I am the first and only one to have “satisfied” him. He’s even told me that he never craved sex before he met me. (Sorry if that was tmi) It seems to me that if a man is that sexually frustrated and there was a woman (that you say you love by the way) willing to give you what you needed in exchange for a good relationship, wouldn’t his sex drive motivate him to try and work on things? The solution to everything seems very simple and obvious to me. But instead he is pulling back or playing games as I stated above. Why do men do this and is there a way for me to leverage his sex drive to get him to chase me, basically tricking him into putting in effort?
Questions:
1) will following this guide still work if it has already been established that I still love him?
2) Could he be playing mind games AND be thinking he doesn’t have to chase me?
3) Is it a good idea to go into a short NC for about a week or two so he doesn’t think I’m too available for him? If so, if he texts me first during that time, do I ignore it?
4) Wouldn’t his sex drive motivate him to try and work on things?
5) Why do men play games at times when a solution is seemingly obvious?
6) Is there a way for me to leverage his sex drive to get him to chase me, basically tricking him into putting in effort?
Thanks so much! This site works wonders 🙂

Jen

October 19, 2015 at 2:09 am

He would ghost a lot from conversations that were going really well or never text first but have positive conversations with me when I’d text him. But we’ve talked since then and he’s just extremely busy working 50 hrs/week and going to school.
But I have a new issue now. We finally got to meet up yesterday (yayyyy!) and had a great time but we had sex 🙁 . I tried to stop it right before by telling him that we shouldn’t do that since we weren’t together and since I understand he is going thru a lot emotionally right now along with his stress so if he still isn’t ready for that then we should wait. He insisted that he loves me and our time apart has made him realize a lot about his immaturity and lack of communication. And that he was ready to work on things with me.
So that happened. Then after the “act”, we spent more time talking and joking and about different things. Before I left, I made sure to clarify that we are not friends with bens. He again was adamant that he loves me and wants to start to work on our relationship so we can get back to the good place we were in but better and stronger. Even though he is busy, he’s going to make time to talk to me and see me. He also added that if I ever feel like he doesn’t care about me then bring it up so we can talk about it.
I also wanted to tell you that he said he gets upset if I take longer than 15 min to text him back because he wants to talk to me. Your advice totally works because hes def checking his phone like you said would happen!
So now we’ve moved to the “talking” stage (we’ve agreed). I know I should not have slept with him and I’m going to hold back from that now until he commits fully. Do you think that taking sex away from him now will effect him more and push him to work harder since he’s had a “taste” of what he can have more often? Especially after everything he’s said?
Thank you so much for replying! It means so much
Jen

October 16, 2015 at 6:57 am

OMG! Thank you so much for responding!
To be more specific about question 5:
So he wants sex and he knows he can get that by putting effort into what the relationship is that we have. But instead of putting in effort to get what he wants (which seems like the obvious way to go about it), he’s playing games. Why not just do what you know will work instead of playing a game? My guy friends do this too. Isnt that just making it more difficult for themselves?
Chris Seiter

October 17, 2015 at 5:48 am

What games is he playing exactly?
Chris Seiter

October 16, 2015 at 3:11 am

1. Yes
2. Yes
3. I think a few days can even be just as effective
4. Sex is a powerful motivator for men.
5. I suppose it depends. Can you be more specific for me?
6. Check out this guide for that.
Jen

October 16, 2015 at 1:59 am

Just to clarify, the 2/12 is the amount he does NOT reply. He does reply most of the time but will always ghost out of the conversation before I can end it.
Jen

October 15, 2015 at 4:33 pm

I actually just reread the seduction guide haha. So now I know, yes I can leverage it but how do I go about that type of flirting? Do I try to get him to bring up sex again and flirt or should I indirectly bring it up somehow since I already told him he’d have to get back with me?

Michelle

October 5, 2015 at 7:08 pm

After reading this post I am wondering if my ex is playing games with me. We were together for 2 1/2 years and overall the relationship was pretty great. He broke up with me last January, saying that he wasn’t happy anymore, but he couldn’t tell me why he wasn’t happy. A couple months after this he starts coming around again, saying he misses me, flirting with me, etc. After talking, we decided to get back together. We didn’t tell anyone about this though. Things are great for a month or so, then his parents found out he was seeing me again and told my ex they did not want him to see me. After this, things really changed for us. We used to talk all the time, but that stopped. He would talk to me on and off. He would usually randomly message me, asking if I wanted to talk to him because it had been a while, etc., we would talk nicely which each other for a few days, then he would simply never reply. Give it another month or so, and the cycle happens again. In July, we were on a church trip together, where we ended up talking quite a bit, and at the end of the trip, we confessed that we still had feelings for the other. So after that, things were great. We talked consistently for a month, which was much longer than usual. Then the school year started and he replied less frequently, saying he was busy with sports, etc. I accepted this, but of course he eventually stopped replying. Less than a month later, my friend sends me a screenshot from Facebook, showing that my ex is in a relationship with a girl I don’t know. Obviously, I was hurt since I thought we were technically still together, he never told me things were over between us. It makes me wonder if he started talking to this girl while he was still flirting with me. It’s been a few weeks since he changed his relationship status. Why did he get into this new relationship without technically ending it with me? Does this sound like a rebound relationship, or a mind game? (We’ve been broken up for nine months, but he was flirting with and showing interest in me less than a month ago.)

Chris Seiter

October 6, 2015 at 3:55 am

Sounds like he is playing games to be honest.

Susan

October 2, 2015 at 1:46 am

My last ex-boyfriend ended our nineteen-month long relationship at Christmas seemingly on a whim. I was seriously ill at the time and he found this inconvenient as he’d been offered work on another continent. He’d also been seeing a therapist weekly for the past five months as he was prone to use no contact as a form of punishment. His family dynamic was odd in the sense that he’d been manipulated by his mother into cutting off all contact with his father, as a teenager. He also cut off all of his father’s family and his last ex-girlfriend of four years. Again, the latter on a whim and job offer.

Normally affectionate, he suddenly became very cold and cruel. Staying with his mother over Christmas, he ended the relationship by phone, then showed up with her an hour later to leave all of my things outside the front door. He asked that I get rid of all of his things and was infuriated when I instead left them outside his front door two days later. When I made a few attempts to message and see how he was, he became more irate. I stopped trying to contact him in mid February.

As far as I know, he did not go to the other continent at all. Either the job offer fell through or he stayed here for therapy. I know that he joined a dating site I used back in May, though is still on it. He might have heard from mutual friends that I’ve been on a few dates over the year. My life has also changed significantly in terms of being much more sociable, involved in various groups and physically far healthier. From the photos I’ve seen on friends pages, he’s losing his hair and often looks unhappy, blank or angry.

So it’s now been nine months without any word from him. However, I wrote an article that briefly mentioned the break up back in summer, and it was widely read and shared online. No names, though I’m sure he would have read it. Since then, when I’ve looked at his Spotify account every so often, I’ve noticed long, sad break up playlists about regret. Recently it was the anniversary of an event we both attended, so I looked again. There was another playlist of break up songs created that weekend.

I’d had him blocked everyone online for several months, after he failed to show any empathy. This made me think he might actually feel some remorse. I decided to ‘follow’ him and ‘follow’ the playlist, showing that I could see it. Within hours he’d removed it. I couldn’t tell if he was embarrassed or annoyed. As an experiment, I made a four song long playlist about getting over grudges. Within hours he responded by putting the original playlist back up, with the title ‘Happy Sunday’. That’s ambiguous enough that I can’t tell if he meant ‘I’m having a happy Sunday and these songs aren’t sad or about you’ or ‘I hope you have a happy Sunday.’ Either way, he did not follow me back, so I gave up, unfollowed and ignored his account.

For the sake of my peace of mind, I send him a direct message on another social networking site, though he doesn’t appear to have used it for a year. Just saying that it would be nice to talk and clear the air. I don’t have his phone number and his privacy settings are very high on the other sites. Friends have pointed out that if he wanted to get in touch he could and probably just enjoys the attention. I can’t understand why he’d enjoy wallowing or appearing to. I thought shame might have prevented him from apologising, but I’ve made it clear that I’m not angry.
Leighla

October 1, 2015 at 9:05 pm

Hi Chris, hope you are well.

I’m going to try keep it short and simple

Bf broke up with me after 2 years over text when i back from vacation. His reasons being that
1. He craved freedom with friends
2. Too immature to be in a rship

He said he stayed in the rship for so long towards the end simply because he did not want to lose me.

After he ended it we remained friends and he would reminice our great times because we were a solid match and he even said the love was still there and that sometimes he did think he made the wrong decision. We decided to meet up for a final goodbye as it had been a while since we met each other. I pulled out as he kept delaying the final meet so we had a fight and i ended up changing my number

Tricky part is we study on the same course and he is in my classes. First lecture back (first time seeing each other after 3months and since pre breakup) he completely acted like i didnt exist and walked past me. He even had a hostile look on his face when i glanced over. This is the first time i have ever cut him out and i think changing my number was a big deal i’m usually always there. My last words were i’ll never speak to you again. (He pushed me to it)

Please can you explain why he isn’t trying to contact me because there are still many ways for him to do so and what i need to do to make him do so. P.S it is very tense and awkward being in the same sessions together!! I look my best!

Also what is your take on his behaviours? And what do you think is going on in his head. Pleaseee get back to me i’d be thrilled. Heck is he ever going to

Leighla

October 6, 2015 at 5:34 pm

Please reply chris, it would mean a lot

Andrea

September 28, 2015 at 1:44 pm

Hi Chris,

I started seeing a friend from work in the middle of June. I have been in a relationship for 10 years that I had decided to end–lets call him Joe. Things with him had reached a very dead end. He has a lot of issues, including a dramatic drinking problem Let’s call my work-friend “Mike” was aware of this. When we started out it was very lighthearted and fun. About a month in, he said he was really starting to like me. I felt the same. I had not yet made any moves to end my relationship (we live together, but have been in separate beds for months.) I asked Mike what he wanted and he said he wanted us to be together. I told him that I wanted that too, but that it would take time as Joe had recently become unemployed, has no car and no resources for moving out. All of his people are on the West coast, so it would be a major life altering thing. I asked Mike if he could be patient and if he realized that I would probably be a bit of a mess for a little while during this time. He said he could and that he understood. That was at the end of July.

I told Joe that it was over, and that I had met someone else. He was pretty destroyed. It made things very difficult for me at home, so naturally I tried not to be there. I didn’t stay with Mike all the time, as I didn’t want to overwhelm him emotionally so early in our relationship. Also, he is extremely busy so it wasn’t always an option anyway. During this time, Mike started acting kind of flaky a lot. He checked in with me every day via text or phone call, and I would almost always go to his place after work. However, on a couple occasions we had plans that he inexplicably broke at the last minute. He never wanted to be confronted about it either and wouldn’t offer any real explanation beyond a sort of weak apology. Still, he kept reaching out on a daily basis, continued to tell me things like “you’re the most amazing woman in the world” and talk about our future together. At the end of August, Joe went off the deep end and contacted Mike on Facebook saying not very nice things. He also broke in to my phone, and unfriended Mike on my behalf. Mike and I talked it out and he said that maybe we should chill out until Joe leaves. I said I didn’t want that, and he said ok. So we continued. Later that week I was at his place and said that things were really bad at home and maybe I shouldn’t spend the night. He got a little upset and said “That’s probably why we will never really date. He is never going to leave.” I assured him that Joe was leaving, and he said that it was just frustrating.

Then Labor Day weekend, Mike and I had plans. I called him Sunday to see what time was good, and he said “I don’t think today is going to work out, but I’m free tomorrow.” He never called me on Monday, and when I texted him, he never extended an invitation to hang out and would not answer his phone. Tuesday at work he acted like nothing happened, totally affectionate, said he missed me etc. For the next few weeks things were fine. Until last week. Saturday after work he came over to where I was, very affectionate. Then said he had to go punch out and he would be right back. He never came back. I texted and asked what was up. He said he went home. I told him that was pretty rude. Then Sunday, I texted him something funny–just to show that I was over it. He was pretty monosyllabic. Didn’t text or call on Monday. Tuesday I texted him to see how he was. Everything was fine, and then he said that he likes me, but is consumed with his own shit and not to take it personal. I asked if he was dumping me via text, and he didn’t respond for 2 hours. When he did he said we could talk “tomorrow.” Needless to say, he never reached out to me the next day. So I messaged him expressing how shitty it is to ghost someone when you’ve asked them to make a major life change for you. He replied that it was cowardly on his part, but that “this could never work.” But he thinks I’m amazing and still wants to be friends. Naturally, my response was angry and final. I told him I wasn’t interested in being friends with someone who helped torch my life and then couldn’t even face me to end it. I have not contacted him, nor did he reply to me. I unfriended him on Facebook and deleted his phone number. I will probably run in to him at work tomorrow or Wednesday, and I plan on ignoring him/avoiding him. I just don’t understand what happened or if he is just playing mind games with me. Was it a mistake to tell him I don’t want to be friends? Any advice would be helpful. I’m still very hurt and angry, but I really thought he and I had a shot together.

Andrea

October 2, 2015 at 12:40 pm

Yeah, I think its accurate to say that Mike is a little on the proud side. Joe is leaving at the end of this month. Almost exactly when the end of NC would be. Do you think I have a shot of getting Mike back?
Chris Seiter

October 1, 2015 at 6:11 pm

I read half of your situation…

Word for word until I had to stop.

Let me explain what is going through Mikes head because it’s pretty simple.

Would I be right in assuming Mike is a pretty proud guy.

If I am then it would make sense that he has a hard time admitting any negative things.

You live with JOE…

He does not like Joe and since YOU put so much effort into Joe he is jealous and angry with you.

felicity

September 26, 2015 at 9:54 pm

Hi Chris! My bf and i dated for 2 years. He broke up with me 2 months ago and immediately got a new gf. And ive done nc for a month now. I guess it worked because Out of the blue my ex contacted my friend on facebook asking for my number and said he misses me. Then he went offline and hasn’t been on for 3 days now.

What do you think is going on in his head?
Why would he say that?
C

September 25, 2015 at 1:46 pm

Chris please help! My ex boyfriend insists that he keeps talking to me because if we don’t talk he misses me. He says he still has feelings for me and that he doesn’t want me to get over him because “one day he will want me back.” But until then, he is willing to see other girls and all that jazz. This is a specific situation so and I really need help knowing what approach I should take. Please and thank you a bunch!

Chris Seiter

October 1, 2015 at 6:22 pm

Stay the course in NC.

Azu

September 23, 2015 at 8:16 am

I used this website ages ago to try and change myself and obviously to get my ex boyfriend back. Not only that it was very interesting to read and I found myself agreeing to a lot of points and found myself subscribing my mail.

Now the reason I’m finding myself back here is not to get him back anymore. But to get a perspective on how to approach my current situation. Truth been told, I gave up on getting over him but realized that the distance did heal my wounds and made me able to fall in love with others. It is so that I had a second relationship after him (that sadly failed) and now a third, and he’s one of the sweetest guys ever. Everything seemed alright for me, until he texted my sister that he enrolled into my school. At first I thought it had to be a joke. It must be a joke right? But after receiving a text from him whilst I was in Italy asking me why I wasn’t at school the first day, it hit me that it was reality, he had enrolled in my school. Not only that we currently share most of our classes together. Now my biggest fear is that I will leave all my progress behind and run after him again. And I really REALLY do not want that. It was clear that we were really over when we broke up. He had told me he never wanted to see me anymore and that he disliked nearly everything about me. So why is he doing this to me? I don’t want to run after him again.. I really don’t.

Chris Seiter

October 1, 2015 at 6:30 pm

Hi Azu!

Welcome back.

Things have changed a bit since you last came, huh?

I would just ignore him if I was you. Even in person. If you truly want to be away from him just ignore him and don’t even acknowledge him.

Kovina

September 19, 2015 at 2:56 am

Hi Chris,

My ex & I dated for 5 months. We would argue a lot & 1 day he just ghosted on me. It drove me nuts, but I sent 2 texts 1 week after him ghosting & when he never responded, I ended up sending him a breakup acceptance text, wishing him the best & sorry that it didn’t work out & everything is all good from my end. After that text, I went into NC. He replied saying “I’m not mad believe me, I just don’t care”. Then since then he’s sent 7 texts being vulgar & asking if I wanna get f*cked.. and weird stuff he wants to do to me… Now I don’t understand if he really means that or there’s underlying reasons to those texts. Like I said I’ve been doing NC. Is it working on him? Is this good, even if the texts are sexual?

Kovina

September 20, 2015 at 2:14 pm

UPDATE: He sent another text cussing me out (still in NC). What’s this mean?

Jena

September 18, 2015 at 6:07 pm

Hi Chris,
OK, did the no contact rule, even did the text “I must confess…” which worked… we caught up at my place and talked for a while, and one thing led to another as we’ve both always been very attracted to one another. Sex on first contact not good, so now how to back track. We are still talking, but I don’t want to be a friend with benefits (which I know I just created), so how to get him to want me in his life and can’t live without me mentality? Thanks!
Lily

September 18, 2015 at 3:15 pm

So i initiated the NC for a month. Yesterday i messaged him. Saying this ” I was cleaning my room today and I found the bracelet you made me. It reminded me of you for yhe first time in a while. Tbh it made smile :)”
he replied within seconds saying “im so sorry i dont have this number but i have a feeling ik who it is lol”
“Is it Lauren?”
I didnt reply for another 15 ish min cause i was driving but then he wrote back again saying, “Well whoever it is you really made my day”
I waited a little. Calmed down and wrote back, “Haha its Lily. Glad to hear! Im going out with some friends tho so il cya!”
My question is..is he playing mind games with me? I went on his fb later…pissed. saw he only knew two Laurens…both have boyfriends..

Lily

September 21, 2015 at 6:19 pm

So i found out too tht lauren is his ex..made me feel bad. I texted him again saturday. Kindly and respectfully asking for my money back as well…tht he promised to pay me back..never did. I was a little mad becayse he has been going to concerts and paying himself stuff…but doesnt think twice to pay me back. Tht was my last text to him. All it said was “Hey! So i feel ive given you enough time to pay me back the 52$. When you have a chance just leave it in my mailbox. Thanks!:)

Taylor

September 18, 2015 at 3:22 am

Hi Chris, i ‘m trying to stick to the NC rule i broke it after 2 days because i needed his help for project, anyways it has been 4 days we didn’t have contact at all. but the thing is, usally when i use the NC with him before we had a serious relationship, he always talks to other girls and start liking infinite pictures of them on purpose to make me jalous, and always stalks what i do and like all of my posts and stuff, but he’s not even trying to make me jalous this time… I’ m wondering if he completly lost interest… should i continue with NC ?
Irene

September 17, 2015 at 4:58 am

Hi Chris, thanks so much for writing this segment whereby no gurus have addressed to help us gain clarity.

I am so troubled and I hope you could shed some light. I broke up with my ex in April, went on NC and started texting in June, I was the one initiating texts. We met up once around July, I initiated. In Aug, we met 3x in two weeks, taking turns to initiate. During our last lunch together, he kissed and held my hands. Suddenly he pulled back and asked me to move on and even wanted to intro his single friends to me. Is he testing me, or just being friendly?
Mol

September 16, 2015 at 2:16 pm

I am at fault. He kept warning me about my suspicious paranoid behaviour. We had a good talk about how to overcome this. He starts acting more like I want him to to show me love. I end up freaking out over a text message he sent that I misread. He says he is done and no wonder. Day 1 I messaged a lot with no response. I have left him alone since. He made obvious positive changes for me and I messed it up being an asshole. I do not deserve him back. I hope our good stuff brings him back. I will try hard to behave. I just need to leave him alone now right?
Elenora

September 13, 2015 at 3:25 am

Am I wasting my time on a guy who will never commit, or should I keep going?

We had a second date on Labor Day: he took me to one of his fave Chinese places then to a Chinese market. We cuddled at my place and watched TV while eating exotic Chinese fruit. We made out, but did not have sex (both agreed it would complicate things although we both wanted to). He said he really enjoyed his time with me. He left around 11pm, but did not arrange a time to meet up again.

It’s Sat night and the last time we communicated was Wed morning, with him leaving me hanging. I am still waiting for his response. We are both following each other on Instagram now, which took a long time to achieve. I have yet to meet any of his friends or family.

Is he just not that into me, or am I being impatient? Should I just move on? I feel like I’ve invested a lot of time and don’t want to throw it away, but don’t want to fool myself either. I really like him.

One more thing: I keep complaining about how he never spends time with me, and he keeps complaining about how I never reach out and ask him to do anything. How can I if he keeps leaving me hanging? So frustrating! How should I handle this?

Thank you for all the amazing advice!

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