Popular posts
The Complete Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back
How To Make Him Miss You After A Breakup
The Ungettable Girl
The No Contact Rule (The Definitive Guide)
The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule
The Male Mind AFTER The No Contact Rule
What Your Ex Boyfriend Says Vs. What He Really Means
Here’s Exactly What He’s Thinking During The No Contact Rule
What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Blocks You
Signs My Ex Wants Me Back
Recent posts
Traits Avoidants Find Attractive
What Happens When A Narcissist Collapses?
How Do Avoidants Sabotage A Relationship?
Dismissive Avoidants And The No Contact Rule
The Power Of Silence After Rejection
Why Are Dismissive Avoidants Cruel?
The #1 Reason A Man Suddenly Commits
How Long Does Avoidant Deactivation Last?
How To Let Go Of An Avoidant Partner
How Do Avoidants Create Distance?
Post categories
Meg
September 12, 2015 at 6:28 pm
Hey Chris,
The problem I’m having is that I dated my ex 14 years ago. He broke up with me after having a terrible view point on women. Over the years we would grab lunch. 5 years ago he tried to kiss me which I told him no. We hadn’t talked in years after that So two weeks ago I got ahold of his number and texted him. He seemed excited to talk to me and even requested we talk on the phone so he could hear my voice. We talked for about a week and decided to hang out. I went to his house and we watched movies and talked. He kissed me and this time I let him. As night came he asked me to stay the night. I decided to. He tried to have sex with me but said he couldn’t because it was too hot. I told him I was getting dressed. About 45 minutes later we were spooning and he ended up having sex with me and finishing. We cuddled all night. The next morning I had to go and he hugged me. 3 hours later he sent me a text saying he had fun & that he would like to hang again. I replied back that I did ago and agreed about hanging out. We texted later that night a little bit but he seemed a little off. 3 days past with no text. Than he finally texted me with a hi. I didn’t get near my phone till later at night and said hey back. So now it’s been 4 days since that last text and he hasn’t replied to the 2 texts I’ve sent. I’m over this dude at this point and erased his number. I’m just curious as to what would make him turn back into a tool. We he mad that I didn’t text him throughout the week, that I didn’t reply right away to his hi text, or was he just out to have sex with me for his ego.
AJ
September 12, 2015 at 4:41 pm
Hi chris,
I’m a little upset and confused….. i have posted on here before about 2 months ago. You replied to my voice message saying you’d put the response up but it never went up online. So here’s my last and final attempt at contacting you and getting some much needed advice on my situation. I was with my ex for a year, we broke up in march. It was a bad break up, he broke up with me over the phone and told me he needed to focus on himself (but his feelings hadn’t changed towards me.. apparently) I accepted that however he owed me over £500 which he has refused to give back to me until this day.
We haven’t had any contact now for 2 months and before the only contact we’d have was once in a while and he initiated it. This morning i look on Facebook and theres a whole load of messages from him, completely out of the blue.
BAR
11.26
Don’t ever tell me i made the wrong decision again
if ur wondering why I’m sending that
lose lips
BAR
11:44
n as if u talk to sandy since like march
I’m cutting all of it off now
i don’t want any emotion connected to people telling me shit you’ve said too them in slightly diff versions
so im gna say one thing, you broke any form of respect by trying to find info about me thru ppl and assuming shit that wasn’t the case
i 100% had every intention too meet u
you ignored everything i said from like october
then still in the new year
i dont wanna have to explain anything to anybody other then my friends
so next time ur friend comes up2 me
btw i have no way of contacting u
other than email or facebook
if u got some problem that still makes u wanna chat shit to people
then let go
its ur fault u have that problem
plus ur not as secret as u think
BAR
11:58
BAR
do you reciprocate ?
BAR
12:04
BAR
found ur letter yesterday too, so that mixed with what ppl saying to me, i wanted to say something
so that if u haven’t let go of the negativity u really should cause as I’ve said a million times it wasn’t about u n me
u told me we couldn’t make it work. end
good luck, hope all as positive as possible for u
see u around
These are the messages i woke up to. I have no idea what he is talking about. In the past 7 weeks i have only had 1 very brief conversation with 1 person about him and the only thing that was said is he owes me money but i’ve had to write it off sadly. I really don’t know what to do. What do these messages mean? Why is he still contacting me? how do i reply to these messages..?? Do i even reply??
please help
If you can reply to this post via email i would appreciate it a lot. This post has some personal info that i would prefer to stay private. I just really need your advice and hoping you can respond to this post.
Dee
September 10, 2015 at 8:55 pm
Hi chris,
I just broke up with my bf few days ago. Since then, I i haven’t send him messages and removed him from fb and skype. Today I noticed that he removed me from other means of our contact. Is this a mind game just to get my attention and for him to get a reaction from me?
Celeste
September 9, 2015 at 1:07 am
This is my 2nd time using NC on my bf. The first time only took about 2 weeks for him to reach out after he told me he never wanted to see/hear from me again. We have been in a relationship for 16 months – long distance. We see each other once every few months, even lived together for a couple of months a while back. He has a bit of an on again/off again habit. He is good at ignoring me for days, leaving me crying, wondering what I did so wrong. I don’t have any suspicion of another woman, though admittedly I wouldn’t know. He is very good about devoting his time to me. I feel confident that he loves me very much but we struggle because he doesn’t want me to be a part of his family/friends lives – ever. His family has a lot of drama and he isn’t close with them and he really only has one best friend (and his best friends gf) that he interacts with. But he complains about me to all of them. He tells them the negative, never the good. It confuses me.. why wouldn’t he want them to know he is happy? This discussion led to a fight and he ended the relationship about a week ago. Despite the on again/off again stuff, it felt pretty real. He said awful things about me and how he never sees a future with me that is happy “because of how I am”. (To him, I push too much about things that shouldn’t matter, like wanting to know the people in his life, no matter how few they are.) I decided 2 days after the break up that I wasn’t going down the road of negativity with him again and I was very kind, upbeat and sent positive messages. Later that night I sent some romantic messages and wanted to be very loving to him. He engaged and was sweet, I would say.. but as the night was concluding, he never said good night and disappeared after I said I love you, with no reply. I looked up your website again to repeat the NC. I stopped talking to him and on the 5th day (yesterday) he sent me a message that said “I miss you and I hope that you are doing alright.” This was at 7 pm. I read his message today around 5pm but didn’t respond. What is interesting is if I hadn’t been doing the NC, this would be the exact thing you described above – the “conversation ghosting”. We had a loving conversation and then he disappeared for 5 days. He has told me countless times when he is happy that he never means what he says while he’s angry and that he will never leave me, no matter what. His behavior is just so confusing. I guess what I would like to know is, how long do I let him message me before I respond? The first time I did the NC he was sending me emails, crying and bringing up all the beautiful memories of our relationship, just as you talk about in your other articles. I don’t want to assume that will happen again, just mentioning it. He is extremely good at the ignoring and being cold. He can shut down and shut someone out like no other, despite him telling me later, that the whole time he is doing it, its killing him. I know I keep going on with details but thats really my main question, how long do I go on? Thank you.
Celeste
September 9, 2015 at 11:10 pm
I just wanted to say that I did more reading and saw your advice would be to keep going. I didn’t respond. This sucks. 😉 Despite all the bad things he said – I really love that guy and miss him a lot. He’s my best friend. Its hard to just stop your life and go on without your best buddy. I guess my only hope is that he is feeling the same way.
Lisa
September 5, 2015 at 2:46 pm
Hello-
My boyfriend recently broke up with me. We were going through a really rough time and we lost our happiness. We had a long talk and he said he wanted to work on the relationship. I unfortunately took that as he wanted to try again. Then after a few weeks of talking and hanging out he said “You know I need to be single right now right?” I did not know that. He still stated that this wasn’t the end blah blah blah. I did the no contact and received 2 texts from him one saying “I know were not talking but I’ve been thinking about you constantly.” Unfortunately I did respond and said “I can’t talk to you right now with all this uncertainty” and that it hurts too much. He agreed that it was uncertain and that he was sorry he was putting me through this. I didn’t respond and we haven’t spoken since then. Is it horrible that I texted him? And do you think he is confused and just needs space? I know he needs to be single but it sounds like he wants to come back at the same time.
C
September 25, 2015 at 1:57 pm
I am going through the same thing right now. So confusing. I wish I knew the answer as well
Lisa
September 5, 2015 at 2:59 pm
And to mention we dated for 3 years
Lisa
September 5, 2015 at 4:10 am
My ex said he stopped having feelings for me 4 months ago. We had been in a long distance relationship for 3 years. He was coming to where I live to work for 6 months and said maybe when he came down we would see how things go. Well since he’s been here for the last 6 weeks he has been over every weekend, asks me to go running errands with him, movies, dinner. Didn’t show any affection at all for the first 2 weeks then one night asked me for a kiss and hug goodnight. The next two times I saw him he always kissed me good bye. Now he hasn’t asked for a kiss goodnight for the last 2 weeks. Still comes over, still asks me places with him and yet he has withdrawn any signs of wanting me back. What happened. Did he want me back for one week then change his mind? He never once wanted sex during that time so it’s not as if he got ‘lucky’ then lost interest. I don’t get it??
Michelle
September 3, 2015 at 10:35 pm
Hi Chris, its me again. Don’t know ir you read my post below that started out “I’m in a bad way” but I would really appreciate your input please. I want so much to purchase your Ex Boyfriend Recovery Program, but it will have to wait….Unfortunately I am currently unemployed and there is just no extra money right now. So it would be a great blessing if you could read my previous post from Aug. 31 and give me your insight, because I am completely clueless what to do next!! Is there even any hope of getting my ex back at this point? Thank you!
Codex22
September 2, 2015 at 1:25 am
Hi Chris,
I love all of your articles. They are truly helpful. I have a question in regards to mind games. I’ve been trying to do no contact with my ex but in two instances he has shown up where I am. The first instance we did not speak. The second instance we spoke and sadly I got emotionally which I think puts me back at square one. He knew I would be there but only showed up for 15 minutes both times. (It’s not a place he goes to usually but my girlfriends and I go there alot I’m thinking of not going back for a while). I told him I wanted my stuff back that night and he texted me saying “Don’t worry (insert here the nickname he called me during our relationship) I will give it to you”. Why would he do either of these things when he made it clear he wants to be single? (Backstory: we dated for 1 year and 6 months, broke up almost four weeks ago now and we broke up in a very bad fight where both of us said nasty things sadly). Any ideas what this means or is this not even a mind game?
Codex22
September 2, 2015 at 2:29 pm
Thank you for your feedback Chris. We have now both slipped back into no contact mode. I have to thank you as well because if it wasn’t for your site I would still be suffering from serious anxiety. Not only does it contain great information but reading it has calmed my nerves. I got asked out on a date the other day which a few weeks ago I would have never thought possible since I was suffering from low self esteem and anxiety attacks. You truly have helped me to regain focus not only on my relationship but on my life. I hope that my ex and I can reunite but if not you have helped me grow as an individual.
Codex22
September 2, 2015 at 1:32 am
oh and to be clear when I say “either of these things” I mean why would he show up to where he knows I am going to be if he doesn’t want to talk to me? And why would he use the nickname he called me throughout our relationship?
Thanks!
Chris Seiter
September 2, 2015 at 3:03 am
Actions always speak louder than words in my mind and in your case the actions of him are actually pretty good.
April
September 1, 2015 at 6:45 pm
Ok so after nc I started messaging my ex using a lot of the techniques that you’ve mentiond, the first 3/4 times he replied more or less instantly which was good and his replies would vary in length but I could tell he was being very very cautious and occasionally would seem bitter towards me. However I messaged him oneday and he said “Hey sorry, I’m literally just going out so I can’t talk right now” to which I just said alright, he replied with “hopefully talk soon” and I said “well you’re going to the music festival in a couple of days right? So, I’ll message you after that to see how it went” to which he responded very positivly and told me what time of day to message him. So when it came to the day I messaged him and the conversation was amazing it was unbelievable we were both so open and it was very very very flirty, and occasionally it was almost like he would forget we weren’t dating anymore and he would have to correct himself. Throughout all the conversations we’ve had though it’s almost like he’s tested me to see if I’ve changed or to see if I’ll react. In this conversation he again tried to bring up something that I’m likely to get very passionate about and rant over, instead I just jokily asked why he keeps trying to get me angry, to which he responded, “it was fun when we argued”. now I can tell you now that its the little minny arguments and debates that ruined our relationship in the first place. So I just replied with look I’m not looking to argue you with you, like I enjoy talking to you and I’ll make the effort but if youre going to start arguments then I’m not interested and I wont make the effort. to which he completely started backing off and didn’t try to bring anything up like that again and it went back to an unbelievably funny and flirty conversation. At one point he made a remark about how I don’t go out a lot to which I put him straight and told him I’ve gone out lots and went into a tangent about a date I had gone on to which he even seemed jealous. Also There was a bit of the conversation when he was like “why weren’t you like this before?” to which I replied “would it of made a difference? unlikely” he laughed it off but then again later asked the same question “why werent you like this before” and I just again replied the same thing. We joked an unbelievable amount complementing each other and remenising about old times, even the very itimate ones. We ended up talking until the early hours of the morning and we finally decided to go to sleep, and he was like “goodnight my dear” which is what he used to say to me when we were together. and I said “goodnight, shall talk soon” to which he replied “definately talk soon!” This conversation was different to all the ones we had prior because he wasn’t on guard this time, he didn’t seem cautious. This was a few days ago and I messaged him today and he hasn’t replied at all, I think this is odd considering he usually replied very quickly anyway and actually wanted to and seemed enthusiastic to talk again and we had had such a great conversation the last time. Why would he not reply this time?
Chris Seiter
September 2, 2015 at 3:14 am
Usually a man won’t reply when he has lost interest in the conversation.
In other words, you weren’t interesting enough to him.
You know what that means, right?
YOU HAVE TO BE MORE INTERESTING.
Michelle
August 31, 2015 at 3:31 pm
Dear Chris- I am in a bad way right now and afraid I may do something completely irrational! So Ihope you will read this and reply because I don’t know what to do! Long story short, my ex and I broke up 2 years ago because his (married) ex gf came back into his life. After a month of NC, we started to date each other again, but kept it open with the option to date other people because he said he wasn’t ready to be tied down. I guess you could say we were FWB only actually dating, too. So at the beginning of this year, we started getting closer, and he started talking about getting back together and having me move in with him. But in June, I found out he had begun dating and spending a lot of time with another woman who is known as rhe town drunk, the total party girl type. So I broke it off with him then and went NC. He called me 3 wks later and cried, begged me for another chance, and over the next month he chased and courted me like never before! I took him back. Then, I found out he took the above-mentioned woman on a weekend trip the weekend before this past weekend. I broke it off with him this past Thursday, telling him I could not do this on-again-off-again, hot and cold, back and forth with him any longer. I told him that if he ever quit his playing ways and wanted to give our relationship a real chance, he could come find me, but otherwise it was best to not talk to each other any more. He was doing his damnest to tell me we were not breaking up: He said this girl was an alcoholic that can’t even satisfy him sexually, that she meant nothing more to him than a fling because he is not ready to be committed to one woman. He said he cares so deeply for me that it scares him, that he sees a future for us but he’s not ready to be “tied down”. He then added me back as a friend on Facebook, because he said he wanted to prove to me he had nothing to hide. We did end up having sex, and I turned it up a notch (several notches, actually) from our normal intimate relatoons…..he said “why are you being like this with me now?” And in a little bit of a bitch move, I whispered in his ear “to remind you of what you could have had” to which he replied “No, what I HAVE. We are not done. Our story is not over”. As he was leaving, I said “”Goodbye” and he said “No not goodbye, just goodbye for now”. So yesterday I logged onto my Facebook, and the very first posts on my newsfeed are of him and this same alcoholic girl kissing, making out, tagging each other as “my love” and changing status to ‘in a relationship’!!! Mind you, this guy NEVER posts pics on Facebook because he doesn’t like people knowing his personal business…..his mom, sisters, and little nephews are on his Facebook so he’s very particular about what they see……he got mad at me a few years ago for posting a picture of us on his boat…..and he always told me and everybody else he would not change his relationship status until the day he was married! Chris, I am beside myself, I am crawling out of my skin!! I want SO BAD to comment on that post, to let her know that he just made love to me a few days ago and to tell her all the derogatory things he was saying about her…..not only that but to call him out to everyone on his BS!!! To do that would he cathartic, but at the sane time I still love him and don’t want him to hate me. No, I want him to see what he lost and long to have me back!! Chris, please help me out here….Why would he do such cruel things? Why would he play with my heart like that? Is it possible that he never cared about me at all over the past 9 years? And please, please tell me, what do I do now??? I’m so twisted up inside I can’t think straight! Please comment, and thank you so much! God Bless!
Allison
August 30, 2015 at 4:33 pm
Chris, this is Allison again, I know is very complex this situation, he broke up with me in july so in september will be 2 months and I have not any contact with him, as I said before he bump on me and rub against me when he can, said hey to me but not try to open any conversation with me so I am pretty much 2 months no contact, and now he is dating this other gilr wich is an another state, I felt that his decision was make to rush and feel that his parents has a big roll in it, I understand what you say but I believe he does love me, but I don’t understand why and what he is doing
Allison
August 30, 2015 at 2:43 pm
Hey Chris, my ex fiance broke up with me we been dating for 10 months and he proposed around the six mont, everything was good almost perfect to be true, the last month before the break up we had some disagreements the I never tought will a problem between us, I disagree wirh him on police officers shoot people in the back, with the death row without sustainable proofs, he wanted a big wedding and I wanted a kind small so we can used money for our home and honeymoon, in the other side he is very much control by his parents, he obey his parents although he is 20, before the proposal everything was good with them after that all was tense,before the proposal we expend a lot hours together and never was a problem but after that he even had a curfew and I can’t see him the much because his dad make him work in their shop more than before, he fight with dad about it and always was frustrated and the make me grow a grouch against his dad. The days before the broke up he was distant not txt me the much and calls was less in the day but he was coming to see me so I was ok with it like I said no fights but the last day he really hadn’t much to do and he call me just twice and cry about it I was emotional because the time of the month in women’s and I couldn’t tak. My mom get the phone and told him what was going with me the he was sorta not giving me attention lately and advice him to maybe set some hours with his dad, well the next day we was leaving with his family for a 4 of kuly weekend and I was waiting foe him all day not call until 8 pm that he show up with all my stuff and tell me that he was breaking up with me because he have to he was crying and told me that we are not working because our disagreements and that he do not love me, we go to the same church so I still see him bit I do not go around him or talked to him or nothing like that but him in the other side always is staring at me, he touch me in my hands and bump in on me when he can, but no intentions of talking with me at all, he start talking with a girl out of our state the beginning of this month and he just told our friends that they are dating, although we know her because is our pastors granddaughter but not really know her or talking with her because she really not visit much here, so please tell me and help me understand do I have a chance for him to come back or what I need to do beside of what I am doing. Sorry forthis is so long, thanks for your time and looking for your answer
Chris Seiter
August 30, 2015 at 3:25 pm
This was a little hard to follow but I think I got it. Just go into no contact for 30 days and read the post on no contact. I think it was a little silly for him to break up with you over a couple of little fights, how is he going to stay married to anyone if he wants to break up every time there’s an argument. You should think about that before getting back with him…
FBCrazy
August 28, 2015 at 10:14 pm
Help! Ok so I was dating my guy a year ago this month. I pulled some jealousy, non-trusting Facebook drama and things ended. We talked and saw each other a bit after but things had clearly changed. So we went our separate ways but kinda kept in touch via FB. Then we started talking more and more over the next few month and decided we would see each other over the xmas holidays (he lives 3 hrs away) well the day before he was to come, one of my other ex’s told me my guy was seeing someone else (a girl that my other ex had cheated on me with) cause he had saw some crap on FB and before I could think I had texted my guy and questioned him on it. Needless to say it didn’t go over well, long story short he blocked me and de-friended me from FB. Turns out he didn’t do anything at all, my other ex just made it seem like it. A few weeks went by and I sent a text and we started slowly talking again. (He won’t add me as a friend on FB anymore either) A few weeks later I invited him to come see me for a concert, I ended up getting really drunk and telling him that I was crazy about him but that i think we should focus on being friends, while i work on my trust issues and to not ruin things by having random sex. He was fine with that. He has now been coming to see me every few weeks or so, spends a night, in my bed, no sex, just cuddling for the past 6 months. We even went to a music festival where he kissed me, spent the night together, again no sex, he doesn’t even try! I ended up sending him a few emotional texts after hes come up about him being guarded and acting like hes just not interested sexually in me anymore. Well those texts have not gone over well, he just pulls away and stops responding. Says its cause he doesnt know what to say. So i decided to do a 30 day no contact this summer. But now we are back talking been about 1.5 months. He has come to visit a couple times recently, again spends the night, in my bed, no sex, (cause he lives 3 hrs away). He has recently talked about going away on a trip somewhere tropical and also talks about doing other stuff together in the future, but then i won’t hear from him for a few days, sometimes a week or so after he leaves. I am starting to freak out a bit cause Im not sure if he now just sees me as a friend cause of all the BS Ive pulled or if he is seeing other girls, which i assume he is (I saw him on Tinder) and honestly just wants to be friends or is just keeping me around until he finds something better. I dont know what to do. Do i keep seeing him like this? I have not sent any emotional texts at all or tried to get him to have sex with me, but he is still very distant and when I try and connect with him via text he sometimes won’t even reply, but he always seems to come around and want to spend some time together. We are not having sex so i know im not a booty call, but is he using me for emotional reasons? What should I do?? Are these just mind games??? Please help me before I freak out yet again.
Molly
August 27, 2015 at 5:04 pm
My ex seems to be playing mind games with me.. he gets real flirty thru texts and when we exchange our child.. he had me really beginning to think he was interested again… even asked me to go for coffee with him… i told him i couldn’t do coffee. Then this week he offered to watch our son on one of my days off so I can date..?. He offered that after almost 2 full weeks of persistently texting me thru out the day with compliments, etc. He’s also pretty notorious for not texting first..Lol. My question is. .is there a different way you would recommend getting his attention and “flirtraction” when I share a child with him? Part of me thinks he’s dangling me on a string for his amusement.
lisa
August 27, 2015 at 4:47 am
HI CHRIS, SAME LISA.
(I KNOW I’M ANNOYING SO SORRY, but thought it’s easier for a new post since I MISREAD AND FORGOT LOL THAT IT’S BEEN 30DAYS ALREADY WITHOUT MY KNOWLEDGE AHAHA)
with that being said.. I chose to message my ex bf and decided to go with a funny memorable pickup line.. same as his but changed around. I know my ex likes a good debate, and a good conversation nothing generic and boring. So my first message was “so apparently theres new evidence that the persians and king Darius did dominate the oh might spartans (since he is greek) , i think you should check your facts again 🙂 ” and he replied 4 minutes later which is very quick for him ” “new” evidence? That was always history lol. i knew persians beat the spartans . They were outnumbered 10000-1 . I was simply stating that spartans are cooler and more skilled which remains fact :)” then we kept talking.. and i replied after 15 minutes… then once again he replied STRAIGHT AWAY.. but his text was lONGER than the size of the a regular iphone 5s screen.. i had to scroll down a bit. it was just him being cheeky and saying why persians were ignorant, selfish to their own people and how spartans were confirmed greater fighters and then a cheeky comment “just because spartans have abs and persians had mono brows” I laughed and sent a reply back saying how lovely it was to ready it and how he casually searches up history about greek 😛 then i said good joke to his reference of monobrows i said..leave my peoples gorilla genetics alone. the real question is … “why have abs when you can have kebabs kyle?”
then he replied with a long reply again.. our ratio was 1-1 and the length was always long.. and then the convo related down to if he has watched the new DRAGON BALL Z moviee (shh I’m not a nerd :p) and then his reply “Man haven’t really watched too many actually. theres this solid one called attack on titan. A live action from one of the best animes. Would recommend/10. and no yet to see DBZ though 🙁 ”
I then replied and asked how he’s been what he’s been up to? he then said “I’ve been good, so busy, just full time work, full time uni. Working on 3 different websites for 3 different people as well. I’m getting through uni easily though so thats good. We hired a delivery driver so I am only doing sales now which is also a plus.how have you been?”
I then said how ive been busy, with uni, and working, 21st birthdays.. nonstop gym, seeing a different guy every single day use him for sex and yeah.. been driving so thank fu*k just need to pass.”
His reply long as usual, took his time to reply because his busy not always on his phone… “haha sounds fun, sex with diff guy everyday, thats impressive” (for a second I THOUGHT he believed me and i got upset) and then about car he said “about time, so you can take test whenever then i assume, trust its a new world being able to drive”
and i laughed and said “you know im also told that i should be a comedian.. since you’re so gullible to believe me :p and i thought i was bad, please kyle i thought you know me, i ain’t no hoe :p”
his so funny then he said “Oh you thought i believed you ? thats cute 🙂 and carried on talking then he mentioned about how he still needs to find a car before his mum gets her license back on the 20th of sep… (like i didn’t ask and he still trusts me enough to be OPEN.. and this guy IS A CLOSED BOOK. his close friends don’t even know half of this
the convo continued i asked how his family was and he said to get a car soon and practise in that so its easier and will help i said then said dr phil, any more wise wisdom? oh how i need some. I also quickly saw it was getting late.. (i could’ve kept talking it was 12:01 am but i knew he had work in the morning and i had university.. so i said ” I’m almost done at the gym now anyway and I’m sure you best be off to sleep! talk soon?”
then he quickly replied and said “don’t kid yourself (in reference to “i bet you believed me… when i said i had sex “) then he said, nah that’s all you get for tonight (the wisdom part) and about how his mum and step dad might still be splitting but have a mutual understanding that its over and they may as well act nice ( not sure.. if this is about us too…) then he said “ok have fun, im sure we will xx (in ref to talk soon)
i then said “please i got you good and i know it. well thats good and im sure you’ll feed me more greek “wisdom” soon. and we’ll see greeky we’ll see. goodnight loserrr xox”
AND THAT WAS IT. talked for maybe 3 hours or so.. but spaces in between with 20 min replies since busy and he was too.
what do you think?.. who texts next… i know he should.. but i might msg later on the week not sure.. might send him a snapchat.. start to be flirty more… and not be boring.. and hopefully see him soon. he dislikes phone calls well.. doesn’t hate just prefers face to face and texting?
so yeah.. i know it’s long but what do you think? good sign? bad? he replied , lengthy, seemed excited to talk, wasn’t boring.. just yeah not sure what now.
lisa
August 28, 2015 at 8:21 am
he replied but took his time… I’ll just ignore now until i reply later. Also PLEASE read the above big statement.
lisa
August 28, 2015 at 6:29 am
now im confused.. i know i shouldn’t of messaged but after two days passed i messaged today… and said something related to gaming since he likes it too around 10:22 am and he hasn’t replied.. so im sure he saw just chose not to reply.. “wtfff just played league on my friends account and its so weird compared to dota (another game on pc if you didn’t know chris) just saying”
and nothing… he is home now maybe reply later but yeah… so confused as Wednesday’s convo was good and close to convo.. but the 2nd convo.. didn’t go well as planned. i want to call but obviously build rapport first.. he likes more face to face..
im thinking he already did the chase.. so he won’t chase me again.. maybe i need to take the bulls horns by the hand… and ask straight out what we are when we meet up in person what he wants from this without being lead on and stringed along.. i don’t know…
Your Avid Follower
August 26, 2015 at 11:58 pm
Sorry to sound like such a nag
could you please respond to my post regard the text conversation i had with my ex confronting him about calling me under a no caller id. I just noticed you responded to everyone else’s but missed mine
By the way also just want to tell you your doing a really really good job with this sight, you legitimately helping so many people in arguably the way they need it most but is under addressed. I would not have the hope I do right now if it weren’t for you nor would I understand my ex’s actions whatsoever, I would still be so hurt and obsessed if you hadn’t explained what a guy really means when he does whatever action. I’ll probably still have lots of questions and post for help but just wanted to say thank you as well.
Felicity
August 26, 2015 at 10:16 pm
My ex boyfriend seems to keep popping back up and I don’t know why. We broke up 10 months ago because he believes I slept with another guy, even though I came clean that I was talking to another guy but I never physically cheated he and his fraternity friends still do not believe me and after 7 months he popped back up in the picture and we started secretly talking and hanging out because his fraternity friends to not like me since there all convinced I cheated. Anyways a month into it his friends found out and gave him a hard time which caused him to start acting weird and distancing himself until he said it was never going to work and then just started ignoring me and disappeared. I was so upset I took him off all social media and didn’t contact him for 2 months and then just 2 weeks ago he added me back on Facebook which I’m not really sure why because he made it clear he didn’t want me but also he has enough friends and doesn’t need me as a friend. I waited about a week then decided I would add him to see if he would reach out but he never did and then I texted him saying hi and how was he and I didn’t hear anything from him either. I have to see him in a month because of school and he still has some of my things that he never gave back when he disappeared for the summer. Im confused what his agenda is or what he is thinking and if I made a mistake by accepting him on social media since I figured if I accepted him then maybe he could see me moving on and be jealous or reconsider. Any thoughts or advice please help me!!
Elenora
August 26, 2015 at 10:00 pm
We went on a date last night! He drove to my place and I met him outside. We took a walk and my heel got caught in a sidewalk crack and partially broke off! He offered to help me walk back to change shoes but I said it was okay.
We walked (with me walking on my toes in my heels–he thought it was cute) to get drinks and dinner. He opened up about his uncle who had just died and we caught up.
He tried to come into my place and I wouldn’t let him so we hung out by his truck for a bit. He gave me one of those loooong hugs and said he really enjoyed spending time with me. We kissed and I ended the date with him definitely wanting more. He thought my dress was hot!
He texted me when he got home and said it was good seeing me.
Two things he said that were confusing:
Doesn’t know what he wants (in the relationship realm).
Wants to see me more often.
And I couldn’t get him to set a day and time for our next date. He just smirked at me!
How do I get him to say he wants me and only me?
Seems he’s been using flirttraction with me because he did follow through with everything he said in his texts.
Elenora
August 27, 2015 at 4:50 am
(Well, almost everything.)
Becca
August 26, 2015 at 3:08 am
After 2,5 years together we broke up almost 4 weeks ago. The last year out of 2,5 was not good, we kept fighting a lot. He stormed out from my apartment that day saying that he cannot be around me, I am too miserable, putting the blame for the fight on me. I was not trying to contact him after break up. However now he keeps calling everyday, texting “I miss you”, “I love you”, “you are the whole package”, “I want you in my life”. His mom even texted me asking what happened and why I am not coming to see them anymore. I thought he wants to get back together, but here’s a tricky part.
We talked today and he wants to be friends for now, because he thinks it will help us to break the pattern of fights and see each other as friends and that it will take us to a better and solid romantic relationship again. He said he does not want to have sex, because he respects me and does not want to be friends with benefits, and he does not want to date anyone else. I told him he probably wants to keep me on the back burner while he figures things out. He said I am wrong, he wants us to work out. For how long he wants to be friends he does not know, he wants to go with the flow and for us not to have too many expectations from each other as we had. Right before we broke up he was talking about moving in together and taking about family. How can people go from a committed relationship to friendship to fix relationship? I never stayed friends with my exes. I think he is not telling me something.
Becca
September 4, 2015 at 4:20 pm
An Update. He called me this morning and told he does not see future together and that he needs to change for me because I deserve to be treated better than he treated me when we were fighting. He loves me and does not want to drag me down with him while he gets better. His phone died in the middle of conversation. Whole friendship was a bullshit which deep down I knew. His mom called as well and said she wants us to be together and that she wants to talk to him.
I am so upset. I have no closure and no idea what to do. Is there any hope at all?
Hopeless?
August 26, 2015 at 1:14 am
So “long story short”, ex of 5 months broke up with right after he helped me move an hour away. Everything was amazing, and just hanging out was perfect, never fought in person. We had arguments though, because he seemed to get too busy with family and vacations that he couldn’t call or hangout much, just a few texts here and there. I think I became needy and clingy, I will admit that, but we would talk and say we needed to work better at it. Well he left for vacation for two weeks, one day he said he’d call but blew me off, so I told him I felt like he kept dragging me along and didn’t want to put in the effort anymore, said he still felt the way he did in the beginning but things changed. Well we didn’t talk for two days, he then texted me and we started talking again, like nothing happened. He got back and we saw each other, but it was an argument to see him. We had a great time and hooked up and talked and he mentioned something about going to hangout with one of his friends (girl). I got upset saying he couldnt plan time for us but for others, he felt bad and comforted me saying it wasn’t like that, it was just easier for us to hangout the whole day later that week. He asked what would help, I said making better memories together, he said okay. The next day I was trying to plan out the day we had set aside for him to help me move and hangout. He seemed snippy, he said he was in a bad mood, and I told him that wasnt a reason to take it out on me. He then got pissed saying he was. I told him I would leave him be. The next day I hugged him saying I was upset but thankful for his help moving. He moved me in an literally as we put the last boxes in, he goes, we need to talk. I cant do this anymore. I care about you, i dont want to hurt you, and i want this but i cant. I told him I was insecure because of how when i fall in love with someone i am afraid i will lose them. I told him i was falling in love with him (which he has never said to any girl before, nor to me, but at one point I felt like he did), he just said he was sorry. I was shocked since we had stuffed planned, I wanted it to work. I have been 1 week into no contact. We have many mutual friends and im afraid of running into him. I also recently was on tinder, and saw him on it, swiped right and we match… i didnt know what to do. I was curious if I could use tinder (updating pics or profile) to make him a bit jealous or if this is a good idea at this point? I want to focus on me and making myself a better partner, I dont know where the relationship went wrong, but I know I want to be with him, we got along so well, had so many similar interests and had similar ideas for the future. Do you think he will start missing me and if so do you think just dating that sort amount of time will be enough to get him back?
Hopeless?
August 31, 2015 at 3:37 am
Thank you Chris!!! I didn’t go to the party and I know he went because our friend posted a picture of him on their snapchat story.
But today he unmatched me on tinder, after matching one day after he broke up with me… why do you think he waited the two weeks before he decided to unmatch me on that (it tells you when the person was on last, which he was checking it periodically, so he could’ve deleted me at any point)? Do you think it was a mind game? It really isn’t a big deal in the long run, because im still on no contact for another 18 days.
Hopeless?
August 26, 2015 at 6:43 pm
He is still following me on Instagram I believe, but I already deleted him on facebook and snapchat.
I listened to the podcast and I can do the things you said using Instagram.
And why do you think it’s a bad idea to go to the parties with my friends?
Chris Seiter
August 26, 2015 at 10:10 pm
It looks like your chasing him if you go to the party. It would be best if he was looking around for you all night and your not there. Tell your friends you have other plans. There will be other parties etc.
Great yes use Instagram.
Hopeless?
August 26, 2015 at 6:08 pm
But I don’t think it would be easy for me to see him on social media, you say the no contact rule is a way for him to miss me, but if he is constantly seeing what i’m doing and who i am with, how does that give him the chance to miss me? Plus we have so many mutual friends.
And about the tinder thing?
And the time frame of dating him, is that enough chance to even think he will come back?
Chris Seiter
August 30, 2015 at 4:04 pm
He will miss the interaction with you. Keep your social posts to a minimum. 🙂 Yes he still might come back.
Hopeless?
August 26, 2015 at 1:41 am
Another also, I keep getting invited to parties, but I am like 90% sure he will be at them because of our friends, should I avoid those until 30 days no contact are up or should I go and keep my head held hi?
Chris Seiter
August 26, 2015 at 2:58 pm
Don’t go to those parties
Hopeless?
August 26, 2015 at 1:25 am
Another note, I have blocked him on most social media (facebook, snapchat, instagram) was that a good choice? I feel like I would constantly be checking if I didn’t, plus I dont think he has the right to easily be able to creep on me.
Chris Seiter
August 26, 2015 at 2:57 pm
No you should keep him on facebook if your trying to get back with him. Read the post on Using Facebook to Get You Ex Back.