Is Your Ex Boyfriend Playing Mind Games On You? Let's Find Out!

652 thoughts on “Let’s Find Out If Your Ex Boyfriend Is Playing Mind Games”

Elenora

August 25, 2015 at 9:25 pm

Thank you! I’ll keep you updated. Also two things that helped me get through NC:

1. In my phone I changed his name to “Do not contact until…(date 30 days was up)”.
2. Kept a daily record of any messages from him (none in my case).

But when NC was up, he sent a positive, engaged response within 2 minutes to my confession text.

Chris Seiter

August 25, 2015 at 9:41 pm

Great job!!

lisa

August 24, 2015 at 3:42 pm

same Lisa as before Chris!!

so he liked my instagram photo.. first contact but not directly then today he sent me a snapchat (but i checked he sent it to everyone and posted on his story as well) not sure… if he’s hinting to open up communication but if he wants he can message me ? but I guess 30 days is almost over… 10 more days!!

His friend did say he’s been really quiet about the whole issue and before with his ex gf.. they all knew and he talked to them about it.. his friend thinks maybe he doesn’t want this over due to him being “really quiet”

lisa

August 26, 2015 at 7:07 am

woah that would be so awkward….
do you think NC can make a guy not even want to try again?! you said to not talk about the relo when we do meet up.. which i won’t but should i ask to meet up and catchup he’ll say yes 100% but not the type to ask maybe??

opinions please 🙁
Chris Seiter

August 26, 2015 at 2:45 pm

No contact is in place to reset the relationship and make him miss you. It’s the best chance to getting your ex back. Yes, if he will meet up with you, you should ask but only do so after you’ve built up an attraction through text first.
lisa

August 25, 2015 at 4:38 am

oh crap… I totally forgot! But no his friend told me to not say a thing…. he doesn’t want his friend to know his being all honest and telling me how he can be narcissist at times… and bad at relationships..

I’m scared because.. what if after 30 days he has made his mind up that he no longer wants to pursue me or the relationship…
I can’t just jump into it like you said.. maybe talk first,, see him for dates and then slowly get the ball running again.

Social media is helping me since yeah… I’m acting like I don’t care and he is being opening whatever lines he is.. but yet i know he talks to his other girls so that’s fine. I need to be the Ungettable girl 😉
Chris Seiter

August 25, 2015 at 4:47 pm

I’d be willing to bet his friend likes you.
Chris Seiter

August 24, 2015 at 5:14 pm

Good sign that he liked your photo!! How come your talking to his friend? That’s part of no contact, not to talk to his friends or family. His friend is most certainly going to go back and tell him anything you’ve said to him.

10 day’s isn’t to bad. You can make it through that! 🙂

Eleanora

August 22, 2015 at 10:27 pm

What should I do when ex and I are texting and he beats me to ending the conversation first then ignores me for 3 to 5 days? Seems like he’s trying to “take the power back”. We are on good terms and he does want to see me (hasn’t happened yet). How/when should I respond when he finally does?

Chris Seiter

August 25, 2015 at 6:00 pm

Go into no contact and wait for him to text you first. If he doesn’t no big deal, try to get him to commit to a time/date to meet with you. Do not talk about your relationship to him in person. Have some great stories/things to talk about when you meet up with him. Keep the date short.

Jessica

August 22, 2015 at 8:58 pm

So my boyfriend and I have been dating for 5 years now, always loving to be around eachother. When we needed space I felt we gave it. We called goodnight/good morning everyday. We’re very involved with each others family and were very open with eachother. But 5 days ago, after 5 years, he sent me a text saying “he wants out of the relationship” “he’s tired of the arguing” “I love you but sorry to say this, I’m not in love with u” but just two days before we went on a date, he was telling me he loved me, calling me baby, we cuddled, everything normal. So what happened? How could u just up and leave? So what did I do? I asked him, are we on a break like we can fix this, we can work on the arguing, but all he said is no. So the next day, not talking anymore that night, I asked again like is this what u really want, and he kept saying idk. For 2 days that’s all he would say. Finally I got mad and said I need to know, he said I done told you, and then the ties were broke. So I called him the next day and asked for his advice on how he was doing so good with it, he said he was doing fine and he didn’t have to talk about it to me. Now mind you, a 5 year relationship and it’s just gone to him? He hasn’t called or texted me anymore. I see him at school and we talk like normal but after that he won’t even talk to me. I’ve poured my heart out to him through texts, but he doesn’t respond. HELP ME. What do I do
Stephanie

August 22, 2015 at 6:11 pm

I was in a five year relationship that ended two months ago. He had just graduated college, was about to start a new job, and was in the process of moving in. I came home from work to find that he had moved everything he had moved in out of the apartment and moved all of my stuff from our storage unit back in as well. We were still talking because my ferret was sick and had to be put down, he bought me the ferret for our first Valentines Day together. He went with me and even paid for me to get the ferrets ashes back. Every time we saw each other before that we would hug and he would say it stirred up feelings and we slept with each other twice. A lot of times he tells me he cares about me and wants me in his life and that he finds himself thinking about me every day and missing the cuddles and the pillow talk. I’m so confused!!

Chris Seiter

August 25, 2015 at 6:27 pm

Ah a bit of a mistake sleeping with him. You have to think of getting back together as a first date again. You have to rebuild attraction slowly.

Anonymous

August 21, 2015 at 6:19 am

I have recently stumbled upon this site and I am astounded by all of the valuable information you are providing. Where to even begin… Last summer I started seeing a guy and from the beginning I knew he was different. I had been on dates here and there and on my way to the blind date I had with -lets call him Joseph- I thought it would end no differently. Dinner and drinks and no connection. But man was I WRONG. We laughed all through dinner and talked for hours. We extended the date and added an extra stop for drinks. He was a complete gentleman and walked me to the train. That week he asked me out to breakfast and a walk on the Brooklyn bridge. That date ended up getting extended up until the last minute as well. These dates continued until I found myself unable to count the number date we were on. Three months later there was no indication on exclusivity or even a declaration that what we had was indeed a relationship. We would engage in activities couples usually engage in (i.e cooking dinner together, talking about our lives/day, spending lots of weekends together, etc the list goes on). Correct me if I am wrong, but that is still what we call a relationship right? Well nothing. I took the inititave and asked if we were exclusive. No we weren’t. I wasn’t happy, but I liked spending my time with him so I decided to be open minded and try to see other people. This was difficult for me considering I really liked him and felt a genuine connection. He found out I was attempting to see others and called me one night upset. After this we had more conversations discussing our status. Five months later….we weren’t exclusive. I decided to stop hurting myself intentionally and ‘broke-up’ whatever kind of twisted relationship we had. I won’t bore you with details from our break-up, but it was truly…tragic. I cried for weeks, but resisted no contact. As soon as I left I knew I wanted him back, but I held on to the little will power I had. The worst part out of it all is I really truly loved him and I never told him. Finally three months later I couldn’t take it anymore and initiated contact. We ended up having lunch before the holidays, but I was too scared to bring up anything from the past. Our connection was just as genuine and strong if not more. Saying goodbye to him that day…I never imagined it would be the last time. After that day contact became scarce again. Until Christmas day when I received a nice holiday text from him. This was followed by a late birthday congratulations which I did not respond to. A week later he surprised me again with a text checking in with me ( I should add I was away across the country for the holidays). I missed him, but I was also confused. I responded and we chatted briefly. During this conversation he asked me about several places he had taken me to which struck me as reminiscent, but I wasn’t sure why he was asking me this. This was the last conversation I would ever have with him. Three weeks after I returned to the city he updated his Facebook relationship status and that is how I found out he was dating someone new. Something told me he did this to spite me since he isn’t regularly an avid facebook user, but I can’t be sure. Doing the math I concluded he had to have known this girl two-three months before jumping in which devastated me because it had taken him months to even consider me as girlfriend material. Well it has been almost a year by now, but I don’t necessarily feel any better. In fact, up until two months ago I was still hopeful somehow they would break up and he would come to me. However I am a sensible person so I am not holding my breath. Do his actions reflect mind-game behaviors? In your opinion is he worth getting back or attempting to get back? Has it just been way to long?
I may be a reasonable and responsible person (meaning I will not attempt to break them up/call or text him), but that doesn’t mean I don’t think about it every now and then. I hope you will consider implementing your knowledge upon me.
Sincerely,
Still Hurting.
Jordan

August 20, 2015 at 2:08 am

Hi Chris,

My ex boyfriend and I have been on and off a couple of times for the past 2 years. We started dated again after we broke up last year. He actually broke up with the girl he’d been dating for a few months just so we could rekindle things, but I think we both felt like we rushed into things this time around so we decided to end things a couple of months ago. However, we got into a really bad fight about a month ago and our only contact since then was all business (for example: I left my watch at his place). Since then, I tried reaching out to him and his exact words were “I’m not trying to be mean but I’ve realized that being together brought drama into my life and we’ll never be anything again because of that.” I’ve started NC to give him time to cool down but the last time I did he didn’t reach out during NC period at all. He’s very stubborn and set in his ways, and everytime we break up, I always find myself being the one trying to mend fences and I always end up giving up and waiting for him to come to me. But this time I discovered your site and I not only want to get him back the right way but I also want to keep him. However, I guess I’m just worried that he will follow through with being done this time. So my question is how would you recommend me going about trying to get back my stubborn ex boyfriend and convincing him to trust me and have open and honest communication instead of being cold and uncompromising like he has been lately?
Lvh

August 19, 2015 at 12:12 am

We’re both in 50’s, met online. He got offline before we met, because he was so sure I was the one. He tried really hard to impress me, told me he loved me, text ea other lots, had good times. He works a lot. Things were wonderful for a month. We got into a big argument at lunch. He told me he was a devout catholic when we first met. So, when he revealed he believed in Darwinism and that God isn’t really involved in our life’s, unless it’s something big, men wrote the bible etc, I was shocked at the contradiction. I responded, ‘wow, I think that’s wrong, but you’re entitled to your opinion of course.” He said, let’s go, you’re so disrespectful, I’m done with this topic.
I apologized numerous times, he said I don’t need an apology. Then he berates me for over an hour about everything I did that bothered him. He said, “you don’t treat people nice, I’m not putting up w/that, it’s a red flag. My ex did that.”
So, I assume this isn’t going to work. I talk about men asking me out, I’ve a bad habit of that. When I feel he’s pulling away. I told him I’m working on that, I’m truly sorry. He said, no you’re not, so I can’t deal with that. I apologized numerous times. I cried, he responded, “stop feeling sorry for yourself.” No consoling, zero. He took me home. I wanted to do something, I hadn’t seen him for several days. He said he was too upset, but didn’t want to break up.
He dropped me off, said”I’ll call you, maybe we can sleep on it, feel better tomorrow, go out for brunch.”
Didn’t hear from him for 2 days. Got a text,” hi, how are you?” I was surprised. I waited a day, text back, ” I’m disappointed you didn’t call for brunch as you said you would. No response.
I know I need to keep the nc rule. He treated me pretty bad. We both have things to work on. He was sexually abused as a child and becomes very cold, he is aware of that.
We weren’t together long, but I really liked him. Should I give up, or play the waiting game? I thought we were done.

Chris Seiter

September 2, 2015 at 3:56 am

He sounds a little unstable. I’d be careful with this one. You need to do the nc definitely. Honestly this guy is going to be controlling and manipulative.

Macy

August 18, 2015 at 12:15 pm

Dear Chris,

Just to give you a background I started dating this guy. We started chatting on whatsapp and even before we could meet he had a problem with LDR. We met on our first date and later that same day he mentioned I had to move on and find a man that will give me love that I deserve. when I agreed to that he mentioned the FWB relationship which I strongly opposed and he became sad. I was in love with him and later decided to give the relationship a chance. We had a good one but we would stress now and again that we were friends. Months into a relationship we fell pregnant and that scared him and he decided to leave and told me he was not even prepared to be part of that. He blocked my calls and could not run after him. For four months we were out of contact. Only towards the end of pregnancy did he decide to take the first call that I made to him and he showed some interest in the baby and a very little in me (which I did not entertain).

We have a beautiful baby now and he is a proud father. His family loves me and the baby but to him I am a friend. To be honest I love him to bits but I am very good at hiding my feelings from him and he has not been getting any direction from me on how I feel. His mother tells me that he gets very excited when he knows I am coming to his home but he acts differently when he is with me. He does not show the excitement.

Lately I tried to apply the NC rule and at day 5 he just taxed me and told me he was coming to see me and I did not deny it. He then mentioned that it was wrong for him to come and do what we did. He then out of nowhere told me he was getting married to someone else where I ended confessing my feelings for him. After a long chat he told me he was only testing me (for what? I don’t know). Recently he promised to block my calls when I just out of the blue decided to tell him I loved him. We talk now and then but about the baby. He is what he is and I still find myself attracted to him. Is he playing mind games?

Macy

August 21, 2015 at 8:28 am

Thank you Chris, am taking your advice!
Chris Seiter

August 19, 2015 at 3:28 am

He sounds a bit crazy. He is def playing mind games and I think you should start dating other guys and do strict 30 day no contact. It’s likely he will come back when your happy and try to break you up. He just has that type of personality.

I wouldn’t want to see you end up with a guy like this but he is the father of your child so your kind of forced to have him in your life.

Your Avid Follower

August 17, 2015 at 5:00 pm

I’ve written to you earlier on this post but I’m writing another one so I can get your opinion on both situations.
As you know my ex has been calling me and hiding his number so that it appears as no caller ID just to hear my voice and stays silent. The app I got to unmask his number has registered his number enough so that is it shows up on my actual caller ID after it unmasks. He called yesterday and I finally had the right moment and proof that i had been waiting for all these months, I missed his call and called back two hours later. The first time I called he I think picked up but there was no voice so he could have muted or it could have have been a glitch, I said hello and then cut. I called once more but he let it ring till it went to voicemail and he was online on whatsapp so I know he purposely didn’t pick up as he has mentioned before his girlfriend has told him not to speak to me.

So this is how our texting message went:
Me: I missed your call earlier?
Him: didn’t call.. ?
Me: Got a miss call from your number
Him: didn’t call tho?

I then sent him a screenshot of the miss call with his name on my generic caller id so i never had to bring up the app.

Him:
nah it wasn’t me
(second consecutive message):
nothing on my call log
my bad if I did
Me: I’ve been getting a bunch from your number since the last time we spoke otp
Him:
haven’t been in the U.S. dont know
how it’s possible
maybe something’s up with my phone
my bad..
Me:
I mean since feb
But I had called to say if you wanna talk I’ll pick up even if you don’t dial *67 first
Him: nah legit I haven’t called you

Both the fact that he hasn’t been in the us and that he hasn’t been calling are a lie and denial of the truth, he’s only been out of the US for three weeks this summer. What is your opinion on the convo/situation and what now? Not sure if he’s going to call again because I never told him about the app or what he’ll do now since I’ve confronted him.

Your Avid Follower

September 15, 2015 at 5:43 pm

Avidly waiting your reply! 🙂
Your Avid Follower

September 10, 2015 at 3:39 am

What are your thoughts?
Your Avid Follower

September 4, 2015 at 7:13 am

what do you think of the text conversation we had that i wrote word for word about in this post? he 100% called again (ongoing for 6 months) I finally confronted him and sent him screenshots but he kept denying it saying maybe something’s wrong with his phone.
Your Avid Follower

September 2, 2015 at 3:57 am

what do you think of the text conversation we had that i wrote word for word about in this post? he 100% called again (ongoing for 6 months) I finally confronted him and sent him screenshots but he kept denying it saying maybe something’s wrong with his phone.
Your Avid Follower

September 2, 2015 at 2:21 am

Could really use your advice/opinion?
Chris Seiter

September 2, 2015 at 3:01 am

What’s going on?
Your Avid Follower

August 25, 2015 at 7:38 pm

?
Your Avid Follower

August 19, 2015 at 5:44 pm

What do you think/what should I do now? He doesn’t talk to me besides these weird ways so I can’t strike up a random conventional conversation with him.

Monique

August 16, 2015 at 1:43 pm

Hey Chris, well my ex and I were dating for 2 years almost. But he started working a new job and I was working and going to school so we barely saw each other. That left room for stupid arguments. Then when I couldn’t get the same day off as him I all of a sudden became a compulsive liar. We broke up on bad terms. Then a month later he calls me saying he’s outside my house. Tells me he misses me loves me and keeps asking if I had a boyfriend. Then grabbed me kisses me and asked me back out. He was a bit tipsy and I told him to not make promises like that because he could change his mind. He took me home with him and we became intimate. Then the next day things were fine until I went home. I get a text saying he doesn’t remember all of last night but he doesn’t want to rush back into a relationship with this feeling on his conscience. I feel like he did all that for sex but I want him back. He says he wants me in his life but not as a gr right now because the break up was too hard. What should I do?i feel like he’s playing games because he’s scared of giving us another shot

Chris Seiter

August 17, 2015 at 9:41 pm

Start over with no contact, do give in next time. I think he missed you honestly but you gave in to quickly. Read the post on the ungettable girl. 🙂

Mom's Best Friend

August 16, 2015 at 6:26 am

Hi Chris, It’s been about 3 months since my ex and I broke up but his mom still checks in pretty regularly and is way more friendly than she needs to be if she just pities me for her son breaking up with me. Do you think this is at all related to his feelings about me–or what he’s told her about those feelings? Background: we were in a LDR for most of the last year, things got rough, he was super confused and upset about breaking up with me, ironically I recently moved and now live in his state nearby him again (though he’s away for a few months). I did NC on him for the first month, at which point he asked to talk on the phone and I said no (kindly). I later sent my first text and he responded positively. Then I let him know I was moving and it was what you would call a ‘positive’ response but still very guarded. Haven’t heard from in nearly a month since then, though. What do you think the likelihood is? And why is his mom still reaching out, beyond being a nice woman?

Mom's Best Friend

August 19, 2015 at 2:54 pm

It was on like day 28 of NC. Mostly I said no because it felt like he was mostly asking for the call out of guilt/pity rather than an actual desire to speak with me. His language was very much “Would you want to talk” “No pressure,” etc. rather than “I’d really like to talk to you” or something. But like I said, I followed it with a few text interactions in the following month, with mostly positive responses, but now haven’t heard from him in a month (I restarted NC).

And I know he didn’t ask his mom to reach out but rather I was wondering if she might be reaching out because she’s heard from him that he’s regretting this or at least still confused? It seems like she wouldn’t be making such a concerted effort with me (and with my parents via Facebook haha) if she knew he were definitely over me and moving on. He’s 25 by the way. Thoughts?
Chris Seiter

August 17, 2015 at 9:47 pm

It sounds like his mom liked you alot and feels bad about the break up. I doubt he is telling her to reach out to you unless he’s 15.

If you want him back you should be talking to him after the NC rule… Why did you say no to the phone conversation? Was it during the no contact period?

Manu

August 16, 2015 at 1:33 am

Hi Chris,

Me and my ex were together for 2 years he broke up cause I was getting a bit too jealous and I did not trust and I had no readons not to trust seriously the break up was really bad…I moved back to my parents house we kept in touch afterwards cause I kept on calling him he said that he still loved me and didnt want to loosee so I aske him if he wanted us to be friends but he said thats not what he wanted weeks pasted by we argued I was always the one calling sometimes he was really rude like he didnt want to talk to me like he couldnt care less that hurt so much aftet a while he said that he did not want us to get back togther that we could keep in touch thats it and then again I was crushed but ai would still call him once a week to talk to tell him I wanted us to do something together that I missed him so 3 months later we saw each other we had an amazing time and we ended up sleeping together then for 2 weeks we didnt see each other but I kept calling or texting never did he make the first move when we saw each other after 2 weeks we jad a wonderfull time till I started talkimg about how I felt I started crying he said his decision was made and it wouldnt change so I told him that we wouldnt see each other anymore he started crying saying that wasnt what he wanted I couldnt take it so I left the next morning I called him sooke with and everything was fine but a few days pasted by I flipped out again asking questions what did he want from me etc he got mad saying that he wouldnt change his mind that I always had to mess things up with my questions that if we couldnt friends we should stop talking so I told him I would stop calling and texting he said thats not what he wanted he repeated that I messed things up again and he did have feelings and if I would of let things go mayby it would of turn out into something good we were supposed to see each other the week end following this but je said it was better for both of us if we put some distance between us but like always I was the one keeping in touch we saw each other last week end spent an amazing time together and spwnt the night together we went for breakfest and we kissed and he drop me off…this week end we were supposed to see each he said that he did not want us too see each other every week end and came up with some reason I was sooo mad but acted like nothing but I know he felt that I was mad qhen we hung up I texted him saying I was sad and told him good night he nver responded…the last time we went out I qent trought his phone and saw that he had a member ship on a site for meeting single people I asked him about and he said that yes he went on those sites cause he was curious but he didnt like it…seriously I dont know what to do with all this I have decided to stop calling and texting ots my second day now I want to see if he is gonna text me first…my questions is why does a man says ine thing then another then act one way Im all mixed up!!!!

Chris Seiter

August 17, 2015 at 9:52 pm

It sounds like you weren’t just jealous for no reason. Men say one thing and then do another because he’s being selfish. You have to make sure his actions match his words then you will know if he is playing games or not.

rachel

August 15, 2015 at 9:47 pm

Hi Chris, im in a really awkward situation my now husband of 4 months broke up with me following a family conflict which happened on our wedding day. He cancelled our honeymoon and said he wanted to end things. I did the usual chasing around for 4onths even booked another holiday for his bday which he refused I even begged him to reconcile but he said he wasn’t ready to make any haste decisions. We’ve been separate in a on/off relationship where he’s been rejecting me but doesn’t want to stop contact. Do you think the no contact rule will work getting him back? And if so how long would you suggest?

Many thanks

rachel

August 19, 2015 at 10:04 pm

Hi Chris, many thanks for your reply! My husband comes from a asian background his mum wasn’t too happy with certain things at the wedding it was all really petty. I asked him to move out of his mum’s place as we initially planned to live at his mum’s until we could afford to buy our own. His mum wasn’t happy so caused drama which in the end caused a big row between us both. So he thought it was best to end things. I begged him for nearly three months to reconcile but he kept playing mind games. I just feel like he’s cheated on me after making such a big comittment he decided to end things so fast. I’m still in shock and deeply hurt but I still love him, im not sure if it’s the right thing to do I just feel if he can walk out on something so petty life is full of rollercoasters will he stick by me through tough times.
Chris Seiter

August 17, 2015 at 10:37 pm

Wow, I am sorry to hear that. What was the family conflict?

Yes I think the no contact rule will work. 30 days should be appropriate. You’ve already tried begging him if that didn’t work no contact should help.

jen

August 15, 2015 at 7:25 am

I cheated on my ex who I now have a 5 year old with.. I broke up with him when I was two months pregnant. He found out I cheated on him a few years later. I’ve been trying to fix thing with him since we broke up and we have been hooking up on and off since the break up. We have both dated other people but are always drawn back to each other. he is well aware that I’m wanting a relationship but he always says he isn’t looking to have a relationship with anyone right now. But then when I start seeing someone he tells me he wants to be with me, until I’m single. I stop talking to him and he initiates conversation. But it’s a vicious cycle that has played for nearly 6 years. I want him back and we have both grown a lot, I see a promising future if we could only get out of this cycle. I feel like he wants to forgive me but Im not able to prove my devotion. What should I do?

Chris Seiter

August 17, 2015 at 11:02 pm

I think he is scared to get back with you after the cheating. Read the post https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/how-to-get-your-boyfriend-back-if-you-cheated-on-him/

lisa

August 15, 2015 at 4:45 am

well… that’s the thing my ex’s friends all said how he is silly and dumb to break up with me since i made him happy and he really liked me… first girl to be interested in after his ex.. (which he didn’t initiate.. she did first!) I’m stressing so bad.. tonight i saw he is attending a club and its a “netflix and chill ” which is… SO WEIRD… making me overthink since i am going out tonight.. probably did it so he can see that he is going out too.. 🙁

OUR signs are ARIES and SCORPIO… we are kind of compatible but he is a hothead, he likes a challenge, doesn’t like being told what to do, very smart, outgoing, stubborn, impatient, and always about his image ( that’s not alpha, when you choose a girl over your friends to see her… that is beta) ugh -.- he thinks it’s weak i guess.. dumb.

(p.s. same lisa from before but couldn’t comment back)

so I will continue my 30 day NC. so in 3 weeks.. we can talk again. once the 30 days are done what happens? If i ignore him when he texts me i know its breaking the rule but guys like him will never try again if you ignore (he has the whole, fuck with me .. we’re done attitude ) so he just cares less and less and won’t try.. so ignoring him isn’t an option if he replies.. means he is ready to communicate.. but i don’t know how to see him and meet up afterwards.

ALSO positive how his family likes me 😀

lisa

August 20, 2015 at 2:29 am

And if he never brings it up how will i know where i stand??

also I’m upset that he told this girl we broke up… she works with him but they obviously talk and she told her friend that used to like him but not anymore.. and he isn’t the type to slut around… took him 1 yr and a half nearly 2 years to be with someone after his ex… so i’m not sure why I think they are more than friends when for a fact he doesn’t like relationships.. the obligations…

can a guy really go from i’m not 100% wanting this over, feelings still there just not below 50% .. go from not caring.. he kept saying “i hate when you make me seem like i don’t give a f*ck about your or care for you” i said well because that’s what it seems and he said “NO, JUST NOT IN THE RIGHT MINDSET” ?????

he told his friends were over, and anyone else that asks… but won’t be saying it out loud he said only if someone asks, so if the girl asked him… he told.. but why am i threatened that theyre getting close.. when he said he still has feelings? maybe it’s his flirty nature… but even his friend said “i honestly doubt it’s any other girl lisa… this is kyle were talking about”
lisa

August 19, 2015 at 5:34 am

Thanks chris!! all from your older guides.. I’ve been reading and loving everything… even back to your very first ones.. when i had issue with my ex ex back in 2013.. he now still loves me but i’m trying to fix things with my current exbf 🙁

if he is stubborn and won’t ask to see me… when should i ask after a few times messaging? and should i ever bring up “so what are we… ” “i missed you, etc” hint… if we are getting back.. don’t want to be stringed along..

what do you think? all he does he is game with friends, work, and study, have family dinner and occasional outings.. which is rare.
Chris Seiter

August 19, 2015 at 7:23 pm

No don’t bring up you missed him or the “relationship talk.” You have to let him be the one to bring it up.
lisa

August 18, 2015 at 2:25 pm

Yes he was the one to break up with me first… he initiated it 20th of July while i was on holiday in Malaysia.. he said his feelings aren’t as strong as before.. i asked him if theres anyone else he said “god no.. of course not” i said good..what about the other 3 things i asked you? he replied “I do care about you, i do see you as a gf than just a friend.. and i do have feelings” so with that being said i asked why end? he said.. what if caring and all that isn’t enough… i got upset and said to stop being so negative and fuss over the tiny things like his full time work, university and struggling to see me due to distance/license. (which im onto it don’t worry!)

I think the first message i’ll send will be exactly the same thing he said to me but obviously changed.. his pickup line was “you’re persian and I am greek, history has shown us that we are sworn enemies.. lets prove history wrong” i laughed and replied to him! so i could start off by saying ” so did you know that greeks and persians were at war.. pretty sure the persian empire dominated the greek spartans ” 😛 and see what he says,, he will 100% reply, if i ask to see him he will say yes.. but i need to start the fire again..

if he gave his ex a shot… and told me he doesnt 100% want this over, feelings arent below 50% .. it doesn’t seem right to give up just yet? aries.. are known to need space and time ..
Chris Seiter

August 19, 2015 at 3:08 am

Good first text.
Chris Seiter

August 17, 2015 at 11:11 pm

He might hold a grudge a little but I think you can still get him to come around after the no contact. You just have to be creative. He’s the one that broke up with you first right?

Layla

August 14, 2015 at 1:00 pm

Well my bf broke up with me 4 months ago. he felt overwhelmed, asked space and said he has nothing to say other than he needs to be alone. Since than i tried everything includinf suggesting to be friends and told him im over the break up and want my friend back. We work together, we were close friends for 6 months and we dated for 4 months. So after the friendship speech, he panicked and ended the conversation by saying lets keep it simple and move on. So i decided to start a true limited contact ( since i hv to work with him daily), since than he called once for work purpose (i think) but didnt answer him, he asked once how i was doing ( i replied im gd only) he tried a few jokes, and we met at a friends wedding so he invited me to dance with our other friends but i declined. I am commited to NC. He also invited me for a coffee at the work coffee shop and touched my hand once. My reactions were simple and didnt show attention or neediness. Than suddenly he went distant again and start ignoring me all over again. Im completly lost. I thought he starts to get closer!!!Please advice. Thank you
lisa

August 13, 2015 at 4:50 pm

So my ex and I last talked on 6th of August.. and our 6 months was 11th… the reason for the ending was due to barely seeing each other, his work and uni full time…but I asked him and he said “I guess we could go on breakup/break and see what happens if this is temporary.. and I know it’s not fair on you but it’s a 50/50 shot for it to be renewed and have a fresh start” and I asked if he still had feeling and he said yes… i said is it under 50% he said no, I then said do you want this 100% over and he said no.. just not in the right mindset.. don’t say i don’t give a fuck or that you’re nothing when i said my mind is thinking about work/uni fulltime… and the lack of my license bothers him.. he is 23 I am 20.. he lives 25-30 mins away from me.. and he used to be so good.. until i judged him by saying he wasn’t as affectionate.. which he said is ultimately why he kept having doubt. and the feeling won’t go away… and comes back when we rarely see each other or whatever.

He is an aries.. ahaha im into my horoscopes :p and he is not affectionate, more logical/rational rather than emotional at all.. im his 2nd girlfriend.. and he says he dislikes obligations because i reminded him why he didn’t like or is good at being a bf/in a relationship..

so far we’ve been doing NC.. but when we do talk again.. i can’t ask straight out to go out again.. what happens when we do talk.. he will reply, and he will see me so that isn’t the issue.. the issue is if he want’s this bad enough to come back after break/break up 🙁

any advise for my weird/unique ex 🙁

Chris Seiter

August 13, 2015 at 5:48 pm

Ok so this sounds pretty simple, Do no contact for 30 days or until you get your license. Don’t tell him your doing it for him. Try to better yourself during no contact. You should be able to get him back easy. You have to get his mind wondering while you in no contact as well so make sure you dont contact him in the 30 days.

I’m not into signs but I know my wife is. haha. It kind of cracks me up, but what is your sign? Are you two compatible?
lisa

August 13, 2015 at 4:51 pm

also consider, him and his ex (he told me when i asked) that around their 8 months they had a rough patch.. broke up and a month or so later got back….
Chris Seiter

August 13, 2015 at 5:49 pm

Ok so it’s likely that he will get back with you in time.

Dawn Ventura

August 13, 2015 at 7:21 am

Hi Chris!

I have a question about a certain mind game (I think) that my ex is making. Our last texting was Tuesday and he said things like, “I don’t plan on deleting you in my life, as you said, because I see you also as my bestfriend, too. We can talk and meet, but not right now. Hopefully, soon. I’ll support you in your future endeavors and I always pray for your happiness and success”. I didn’t reply, of course because I am currently in the NC Rule period. Right after that text, I found out from a very reliable source (from his cousin’s grilfriend) that he said this but we’re still on but a little rocky, “I want for my next girlfriend to keep up with things I want to do”. Hearing that, I am not even so sure right now if I want my EX BACK. The fact that he said those things that he wants his girl to keep up with him is HURTING me. I have bought basketball shoes, running shoes and a bike just to keep up with ever-changing hobbies! Anyway, so like I said, I am still in the NC Rule period and thinking that I should just move one with my life. But then, one of our mutual friends liked a post from him. He took a picture of our “baby monkey” with the hash tags #‎sadmonkey‬ ‪#‎wagnacry (don’t cry anymore)‬ ‪#‎bananacrunch‬. The baby monkey is a gift I bought him 2 years ago for Valentines Day. Ever since that, we treated that toy as a baby. We went out with it, do things with it, travel with it, everything! So clearly, he’s attached. I believe this is a mind game right? He’s sending mixed signals and observe how I will react. He expects me to like and comment, as I see it.

I also have a monkey with me. This time he bought it for me out of the blue (I know it’s creepy and weird) and I was so happy because after 2 years, we now have 2 babies! (Sounds silly, I know). The difference between us is, I don’t plan on posting photos with that toy anymore. Even though I will be over him. Anyway, I still cuddle with it and make sure it sleeps with me.

I know Chris, you see the determination of me wanting my ex back then I suddenly changed my mind after hearing what he said about keeping up. Now he posts this. Is this really a mind game? I am still not convinced that I want him back though. But there’s a part of me that wants but not as strong before. Help! How do you think I should handle this?

Thank you in advance. 🙂

Chris Seiter

August 13, 2015 at 6:26 pm

Personally, I wouldn’t take him back if I were you. He sounds like he is selfish and that trait will not go away.

If you do want him back, have you tried no contact? Spoiled/selfish guys are usually the easiest to get back with.

Hannah

August 12, 2015 at 10:56 pm

Hey Chris,

Sorry this may be posted twice I got an error saying it did not go through.

My Ex boyfriend and I dated all throughout high school and a year in college, total of four and half years. It has been a year since we have broken up and I am still hung up on him. We go to the same college because I transferred for him last year so I see him all the time. But last year we started to fight a lot mainly because at that point we were in a long distance relationship and things were starting to change some. He did get me a promise ring but took it back, because he did not think we were ready. But finally he broke it off with me last summer (as I was going to attend his college in the fall) he said he needed a break, which I agreed with because I thought we did as well. And then two months later he dated a girl we were also kind of fighting about. When I found out I did do something I was not suppose to do I said some mean words to him and then a couple days later he did block me on Facebook. But a couple months before they broke up he accidentally liked one of my photos on Facebook (I have it so the settings are set to public). Their relationship lasted about six months. And then he was single again for another two months, but within that two months he would start waving to me and saying Hi to me he texted me a few times about assignments in classes (we go to a small college I end up having one or more classes with him). I mean at the time as well he was also talking to another new girl, while asking me questions. Normally if he is with someone he will not talk to me if he doesn’t have to at least. Finally they did end up dating and they have been for about three months now. So what I want to know, was that him reaching out to me and I missed my chance to get him back? Is there still something I can do? Is he playing mind games or stringing me along. Is there still a chance? I know his mom is very controlling and she did not like me and I believe there is an influence on him that she has. I know it has been a year, but I still want him back.

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