Is Your Ex Boyfriend Playing Mind Games On You? Let's Find Out!

652 thoughts on “Let’s Find Out If Your Ex Boyfriend Is Playing Mind Games”

Asap

July 17, 2015 at 9:02 pm

Hi Chris, this is one of your most insightful articles yet. What would be good is an article on how to tame a player. My guy was into me for a bit when he was tired of the party girls but then he went right back to them once I stopped stroking his ego. He responded initially right away to my Facebook messages after 30 days of ‘im out of your fucking life for fucking ever’, nc is an understatement. How do I engage him exactly again when all he cares about right now is weed, pussy, sports, and tumblr sluts? We used to watch tv and movies together, talk about our childhoods, our families, our different cultural backgrounds, etc but that stuff doesnt grab your attention immediately….i guess mention a cool movie?
michelle

July 17, 2015 at 7:56 pm

I have a question..i broke up with my ex 7 months ago and he just fb messaged me coincidently a few days after i mentioned on fb my phone breaking..we used to text a lot..relationship lasted 2 yrs. We are not fb friends. Has he been watching me do you think? When we broke up i told him i didnt want to be friends,,too painful. Ive been hoping that he would contact me this whole time as i regret my decision. After his initial text..very brief..he didnt respond until the next day..then disappeared again. I can see he read it. I just dont know whats going on here. My feeling is that i hurt him and he isnt sure he wants to try again..but then maybe he is trying to hurt me back? Btw in our relationship he was always the one who contacted me.
Upset&confused

July 17, 2015 at 2:04 pm

Hi Chris, I was dealing with my situation okay but now I feel helpless and don’t know what to do. Firstly thanks for all of your articles! I have read them so many times, but I think I will need to read them again to get myself back on track.

My ex and I met online in February and had planned to meet the start of July. We would text, phone each other and Skype every day. We broke up because I got upset he wasn’t talking to me, and he had had a bad day so said he would go the whole hog and end us. I begged him not to and after we spoke on the phone we decided to stay together. He messed me around for the next few days saying he didn’t want to be with me, then I’d beg not to, then he’d decide to stay. Until the 4th June when he said he didn’t want to be with me anymore and his feelings would never change.

I started no contact after that. After 30 days I text him and he was really hostile and has a new girlfriend. He said really hurtful things about never caring about me, saying he used me (which I know he didn’t as he told his whole family about me and I spoke to his mom), and he said he loves his new girlfriend and never loved me. I was more angry at his attitude towards me than him having a new girlfriend, but now the girlfriend thing has gotten to me. His dad also didn’t approve because we were long distance and Im older, which I think is another reason he broke it off (he said it was one at one point).

When he broke up with me I asked if it was because he wanted a girlfriend from where he’s from (as we were long distance and hadn’t met in the flesh yet!), and he said he didn’t want a relationship with anyone from where he’s from, he wanted to take a break from relationships and think of his future (as he was failing school). Why would he say that if after less than 30 days later he is in a relationship with his neighbour?!

He’s blocked me from facebook after my first contact message and has changed his profile picture to him and I’m assuming her. This really upset me. Some days I’ll be fine then others I lose my appetite and struggle with sleeping. He has also unfollowed me from other social media.

I’m fighting a losing battle by holding a torch for him aren’t i? I feel like there is no way he will ever get back in contact, even if this is a rebound relationship he’s in. We were only together for just over 4 months but he constantly said I was the best thing to happen to him, I was the best girlfriend etc, which is why Im so surprised he’s moved on so quickly.

What do I do? Should I move on? I don’t think he will ever unblock me. We had so much in common and a great connection, I feel like I’ve lost a part of me.
Jeanette

July 17, 2015 at 4:39 am

Idk if this is mind games that are being played or its just like OVER LOL… I haven’t spoken to this guy in over 8 months…. Im blocked still… Idk how long I have been blocked but probably most of that 8 month period.. what do you think? 8 months is a long time..
Sweetie

July 16, 2015 at 11:52 pm

Hi Chris,

Firstly can I say how grateful that you have created this fantastic webpage.
Yet I’m sure you’ve heard this before…. My relationship is complicated!
We were together for 7 years.
We split when we went to college after 2 years together. I begged, pleaded.. Basically I was a mess for 3 months. I then didn’t contact him. After a week he was begging me to see him, anyway, eventually we got back together and started the rest of the 7 years.
We made it through colleg, moved in together 2 years ago and were happy.
However, 6 months ago I fell pregnant. A shock to both. 2 months later we lost the baby.
I was devastated. He was supportive. I didn’t seek any help because I believed having another would make me forget everything. For the last 3 months I have been struggling with the loss, the desire to carry on my career whilst thinking I wanted to be pregnant and my behaviour became very controlling. I barely showed my boyfriend any attention because my attention was elsewhere,
I had noticed him becoming distant but I ignored it. I also noticed him start talking about a woman at work but ignored it.
The day he broke up with me it was normal, a few laughs etc. (we don’t really argue, just bicker). I was in a bad mood though. We got home and he said I need to talk to you. I instantly though he was going to say I don’t want a baby. However he said I was too dependant/the relationship was boring and not exciting anymore/he didn’t want to have babies or married age/he wanted to be single so he could “do what he wanted”. He also admitted that it was because of another woman at work who is “exciting” that he realised he wasn’t getting it from me. I said ok. I cried a little and within 30mons my 7 year relationship was over,
I am planning on no contact but I am worried that because he is at his mums at the moment and going away for 3 weeks whether I should wait longer as he wont be able to see what single life is like. I don’t really want to contact him straight after he gets back from holiday as I feel he needs to live in our home alone and miss me.
I am also scared that because we broke up before that he won’t give us another chance as he said “we’ve exhausted this” and that he “didn’t want me to call/text/see him ever again” and that “if I though this was like last time then I was wrong and that he can’t be persuaded”. He seemed weirdly angry when saying these things even though there was no argument. He also told his brother that he didn’t intend to break up with me, he just did,
Please help me.
I don’t know what to think.
I don’t know what to do.
I feel like I have the exception boyfriend who is just odd.
I will follow your advice unless you feel this is a different case,
Thank you.

Chris Seiter

July 30, 2015 at 3:26 pm

Have you tried the NC on him yet?

shortie

July 16, 2015 at 10:06 am

Hey, I just want to say how amazing your advice is and it’s been helping me lots. I sent you a voice message a few weeks back but not sure if you are going to use it or not.

I need your help big time. I dated a man for 6 months the time together was amazing. I knew he had some previous ex issues but I though they would subside in time if we worked on them and they did and we bacame stronger. In may he found out his ex has slept with someone and he broke it off with me saying he wasn’t over her. A few weeks later they got back together but he was miserable crying all the time crying over me and after 4 days he broke it off to her. She said some pretty mean things and this mentally put him in a bad place. He was admitted to hospital because of this. In this time he reached out to me and I was there for him, his ex was not infact she made it very difficult for him. Things were going well between us for a few weeks and then he back flips and goes back to her again. Saying I know how he feels about me ( he means love) that I’m the perfect woman for him he has never met a sole like me before if things were different he would be by my side. I went to no contact and he didn’t respond for ages. But after some time had passed he messaged me late at night to ask how i was and said despite everything he dosnt want to lose contact with me ( he means he would rather contact me behind her back and run the risk then lose contact with me) . I didn’t jump to reply to his message and I keep it bubbly and didn’t mention the situation. We had some good conversation back and forth, when I said I was off to sleep I text night and he text me back calling me my pet name he used for me when we were together. That name is meaningful and somthing only he used for me. Why use it?.
I’m so confused, he knows he has make a mistake but the words don’t mean much with out the action to back them up .
How should I handle the situation?
Thankyou very much

Chris Seiter

July 16, 2015 at 5:54 pm

Thanks shortie!

I am literally working on a texting bible right now and I think that will be super beneficial for you.

Mya

July 16, 2015 at 1:29 am

Chris I have a quick question that i really hope you can answer.

I’ve been in the no contact rule for about 5 days. I don’t want to start over, but I’m willing to if it means getting my ex back.
3 days after we broke up, I ask to see him. He agreed, we meant at this park, and I did what anyone with a broken heart would do, cried and begged for him back.

I’ve been doing some research on getting your ex back. Now would it be a great idea to let him know you’re on his side? To tell him, “I think breaking up was for the best. If it means happiness for you, then I’m happy to let go.” Wouldn’t that be a good way to show maturity, and that you’re capable of being level headed and happy without him? AND THEN after saying that go into the no contact rule. That way not only did you leave things off being kind but it’ll make him want you back more.

I was hoping for a direct answer. In my case, not only did I beg, but I was rude afterwards. Through texting, I ask him about what gift he wanted for his birthday (it was yesterday) and I was actually very rude. I mean I wasn’t too obviously rude but I was short and acting immature. He was pretty immature too though. When I went to see him in the park, I was 10 minutes late. I called myself a bad word and said I was sorry. He said, “Yeah, you’re ten minutes late,” really rudely. Yet, he was always late to hang out with me when we were dating.

So tell me Chris, should I tell him that I think breaking up was for the best or not? I know I should have a mind of my own, and I do, but I’m really not the relationship expert. I just know I really want my ex back.

Mya

July 17, 2015 at 12:39 am

Thank you so much! I’m going to continue to be silent.
Chris Seiter

July 17, 2015 at 1:47 am

Keep me updated!
Chris Seiter

July 16, 2015 at 6:01 pm

I wouldn’t even bring it up to be honest.

I would just stay silent about the whole thing.

BUT do what you feel is right in your gut. You know your situation better than I ever could.

Rebecca

July 16, 2015 at 1:19 am

Chris, I just wanted to let you know that your articles have gotten me through the most. After 3 month no contact, a couple text conversations, one phone call (from him) and many plans made and being stood up every single time, finding out he takes pictures with different girls and might even still love his ex that cheated on him, I can honestly say I’m done being heartbroken and ready to move on. I lost 10 pounds, took up a hobby. It’s a bittersweet feeling. Ex Boyfriend Recovery opened my eyes. It’s okay and its normal to suffer from a broken heart. It’s what you do with the experience is all that matters. There’s a man out there that will truly love me. Cheers! 🙂

Chris Seiter

July 16, 2015 at 6:04 pm

Thanks Rebecca,

You know Ex Boyfriend Recovery works both ways. Recovering a breakup (getting an ex back) and recovering from a breakup (getting over an ex.)

Arica

July 16, 2015 at 1:02 am

Hi Chris! This was very helpful!! I actually left you a voicemail earlier today and I saw this right afterward! I think my ex may be playing mind games because he will flirt with me and send positive texts but will randomly stop mid convo as if he knew I was about to stop…he actually did respond to me today and I sent the memory text but his response was kind of neutral I guess. I’m not sure…I mentioned a ride that we took from SC to VA when he took me to meet his parents for the first time. On the ride back he was talking the entire time so in the text I jokingly said that he talked me head of but also said it always made me happy and comforted knowing we could talk about anything. His was response as “LOL that’s because I knew I could get away with it” referring to him talking non stop for 4 hours. The conversation was referring to his life goals for the next year and the steps he wanted to take. Do you think this is a positive response? He has been flirtatious in prior texts as well. Thanks so much!

Arica

July 20, 2015 at 2:05 pm

Thanks so much Chris! Is it ok that he hasn’t initiated a conversation yet? I listened to your podcast regarding the 70/30 split and we have only had about 9 conversations since NC (which was the full 30 days). I feel like recently the conversations have been more positive and he will text me almost immediately in most cases…when should I expect him to text me first? I have been ending the conversation first about 80% of the time as well. I’m trying to work on that! Thank you again!!!
Arica

July 19, 2015 at 11:19 am

Thanks Chris! I am having trouble trying to get him to text me first. I have been trying to end the convo first. He flirts a little, not a whole lot. I just started texting him every day like your book says, yesterday I didn’t text him at all (so he would miss me). Is it okay that he hasn’t text me first yet? I listened to your podcast about the 70/30 split but do you suppose it will just take a little more time? Thanks again!
Chris Seiter

July 16, 2015 at 6:05 pm

I will give it the positive response approval!!!

Amy

July 15, 2015 at 11:51 pm

Hi Chris,

After two weeks of no contact, my boyfriend has deleted me from Skype… What does that mean? Is he willing to move on?

He also blocked me and unblocked me on whatsapp twice since I started no contact.

Amy

July 18, 2015 at 1:23 am

I am not worried if he blocks me. But deleting me from Skype seems to be a whole different thing…

Also, is it bad if he has no news about me at all during no contact? ( can’t see pictures, or what I do in life through social medias)
Chris Seiter

July 16, 2015 at 6:06 pm

Take a look at the blocking page I wrote that will give you some insight into his mind right now.
Amy

July 15, 2015 at 11:53 pm

I’m really scared Chris.

Dominika

July 15, 2015 at 3:59 am

Hi Chris,

My name is Dominika I am from Slovakia. Yours website is helping me a lot. I want to contact you and tell you my story but I can´t lieve you voice message as I have flu right now. Please could you send me an e-mail? Need your advice.

Thank you 🙂

Chris Seiter

July 15, 2015 at 6:14 pm

Hi Dominika,

I only offer email support for technical issues and will be releasing coaching through email soon.

We can talk through here though if you want.

Victoria

July 15, 2015 at 3:20 am

Hi Chris,

I have to say; this was a GREAT article.

Dated a guy for only 3 months; first two months were AMAZING, last month plunged. He works a lot; I suggested that what we had wasn’t enough for a relationship; he didn’t give me enough time. I still wanted to date him. I burned his ego. He was the best guy that I’ve dated; but completely arrogant. I’m sure I was the best for him (in bed.) I am Currently 1 month into the no contact rule after I discovered that he blocked me off of his Social media and never responded to my txt messages. & just this week; our mutual friend unfollowed me as well. i feel punished for being honest about my feelings. I wanted more from him. When i discovered he blocked me, I blocked him right back at first. It hurt me. I understand what you mean by emotional revenge. I feel it…I’m sure he does too. I will not be the first to contact him; the hate/love feelings r still fresh after only 1 month. But I hope one day I’ll share more memorable times with him and we will both grow past this awkwardness.

Victoria

July 15, 2015 at 7:45 pm

Hi Chris,
To answer your question I think what I want more is to get over him at this point because I feel trapped in my feelings and I feel that I no longer have control. I can’t take the emotional rejection. I don’t like any of these emotions; they weaken me. The thought of sending a txt and getting no response will kill my soul hahaha. The thought that he actually really doesn’t want anything with me frightens me. I want all of the thoughts to end haha. I want to get over him because I might be just as stubborn as he is. I’ve been keeping active and I’d have to say that I’m proud that my emotional vulnerability hasn’t gotten me into trouble with new guys. Your blog has been great for allowing me to stay strong about a breakup in general. I’m unsure of what else to do, but I guess it takes time.
Chris Seiter

July 16, 2015 at 6:10 pm

You might want to read my article on getting over an ex too.
Chris Seiter

July 15, 2015 at 6:16 pm

Victoria,

Thanks for your kind words.

May I ask if you want him back or you just are looking to move on?

Seems to me like you are still in that really angry/upset/hurt breakup emotion phase which is definitely normal.

Tracy

July 15, 2015 at 12:07 am

On your contact page, it says that if your message meets criteria you will be responding to every question. My voicemails to you met criteria, just wondering how long before I get a response?

Tracy

July 16, 2015 at 8:00 pm

I mean unfriend, not unfriendly lol
Tracy

July 16, 2015 at 7:58 pm

Actually, I only lose my apetite when I see those posts on Facebook, otherwise emotionally things are as I would expect them to be. I’m sad and still cry a lot and I miss him horribly. Do you think I still have a chance if I continue NC and follow the guide? Also, should I unfriendly him? I know you say not to in your blog about getting an ex back with Facebook.
Tracy

July 16, 2015 at 5:33 pm

I need your help. I did purchase the PRO system, but I still have questions. We dated for 3 months and I thought things were going pretty great. I fell in love with him and I truly thought that I had found my future husband. He never said he loved me during that time, but for some reason I still felt like he had strong feelings for me and that we would be together forever. At the beginning of our relationship we got in an argument over one of his female friends. I was jealous and I felt that she overstepped a little (even though she had a boyfriend)…..she frequently texted/snapchatted/facebooked him. They had also dated in the past. According to me my ex, she is like a sister to him and they are very close, but no longer has romantic feelings for her. The next couple months went by, during which time I thought I was doing a good job of being ok with their friendship. She didn’t seem to text or facebook him as much and if he would bring her up I tried to be cool with it. I even suggested that we all hang out together so that I could get to know her better so I wouldn’t feel so insecure about her. That was the plan until her boyfriend broke up her. My ex told me that she would want to hang out with him alone because she would need to talk to him and since she’d be upset she wouldn’t want a stranger there, too. I got jealous again and was “grilling” him too much with questions. Ok, I admit, I was getting irrational, asking things like “are you gonna be all hugging up on her, etc” He told me that I didn’t trust him and that he’s told me before that nothing would happen between them and that he’d never cheat. He also said he thought we would just keep having the same argument over and over. I know I was being stupid and insecure, and I told him i was sorry and that I would try harder and he said “that’s what you said the last time.” When he started saying that we needed to break up, I told him that I had fallen in love with him and that I didn’t want to break up. He said that he liked me and cared for me, but he didn’t love me. That was pretty much it. He said he was sorry and then left. I feel so stupid and foolish because I do trust him and I really didn’t think anything would happen between them and now it’s too late. I ruined everything. Today is day 12 or no contact and I miss him terribly. I’m wondering if you think I still have a chance? He hasn’t tried to contact me at all. He didn’t unfriend me from facebook, which confuses me. Why would he want to stay friends? He looks like he doesn’t miss me at all and like our breakup hasn’t affected him. I have noticed that this particular female friend of his has been posting on his wall like crazy now, which has gotten under me skin to the point where I lose my appetite and can’t eat. It makes me think she is posting on purpose to make me jealous and get a reaction out of me, but I have stayed strong and stayed in no contact. Please, what are your thoughts on this???? My other concern is from a friend of mine. She said to me the other day “I thought about sending him a facebook message about your breakup” I asked her to please not do that and she said she didn’t do it and wouldn’t do it, but I don’t know for sure. If she did, what do i do??? I don’t want to give him any reason to be upset with me or turned off by me and as far as social media goes, I’ve been trying to keep my updates very positive and upbeat. Please help, Chris!!
Chris Seiter

July 16, 2015 at 5:51 pm

Thanks for the purchase!

You said something that is a little alarming to me.

Not being able to eat or sleep.

I think we should start there. Lets try to get you evened out emotionally so you can have a better chance at getting your ex back.
Tracy

July 16, 2015 at 12:33 am

I sent 2 voice messages on Sunday, July 12.
Chris Seiter

July 16, 2015 at 6:05 pm

I will look into them for you Tracy.

I have already answered someone for this week but maybe next week!
Chris Seiter

July 15, 2015 at 6:18 pm

I am so sorry about that Tracy when did you send your voice message?

AJ

July 14, 2015 at 7:37 pm

Hi Chris,

I’ve just read this post and i feel i have some similarities to it, but i still feel i need your help.

So i was with my ex for a year then we had a kinda weird breakup, he called me and told me his feelings hadn’t changed for me he still loved me but he couldn’t have a gf right now, he needed to focus on himself and his career and he wanted to just see what happens. I originally understood this situation but then after speaking to my friends about it I started to question it. I was very frustrated because he wouldn’t talk to me and he still owed me £600. I ended up telling a mutual friend of ours that he’d left things very frosty with me and that he owed me some money after she was asking a lot of questions about us.

This then got back to him (I know i should’ve known better) and he became even more aggressive and nasty towards me. He refused to give me my money back saying that me talking to people had cost me it.

I decided that after all the stress i was just going to try to forget about the money and move on. After 4-6 weeks of no contact we saw each other on the street, he contacted me that night saying i saw you and i have your money. I asked if he could transfer me it but he refused again saying that after he heard about me and his mate he doesn’t want to give me the money anymore (until this day i have no idea what he was talking about with me and his mate). I’m very loyal and definitely not that type of person.

He has contacted me a couple more times since this, normally with the same nasty tone and normally accusing me of all sorts. But when we spoke once more recently he had started to be a tad nicer to me.
It’s now 4 months after we broke up and 9 months since i lent him that money and theres still no sign of it.
I really don’t know what to do at this point, i’ve asked him to meet me but he won’t. He just says we can talk over the phone, but i don’t want to do that because the times i’ve tried to talk with him over the phone previously he has swore at me and put the phone down.

He has told me he still cares for me but he’s being extremely difficult and it seems like he’s playing games with me. I do still love him but I don’t necessarily want to get back with him, I think after all this he’d need to prove himself. I want to find a way to approach him about the money and to make some peace between us. Can you help me!?

AJ

July 17, 2015 at 2:42 pm

Do i want him back or not…? It’s so hard to answer that right now. I love him still despite his recent actions and i think about him every day. But because of everything that has happened between us i can’t trust him or respect him like i used to. So even if i wanted him back, i’m not sure how things could be salvaged between us. And right now it seems like he wants very little to do with me.

Oh great, i can’t wait to listen to it Chris! And thank you very much for answering me. How will i know when it’s been put up? Do i receive an email?
Chris Seiter

July 15, 2015 at 6:20 pm

I think priority number one is determining whether or not you want him back.

FYI I recorded a podcast about you today and should have it posted tomorrow :).

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652 thoughts on “Let’s Find Out If Your Ex Boyfriend Is Playing Mind Games”