Is Your Ex Boyfriend Playing Mind Games On You? Let's Find Out!

652 thoughts on “Let’s Find Out If Your Ex Boyfriend Is Playing Mind Games”

Ray

January 9, 2018 at 12:11 am

Hi, i’m sorry it’s long but you need a back story to understand the extent of this and for you to hopefully be able to answer my question from it, this guy isn’t really an ex but someone I used to speak too, my question is:

Is this guy who I haven’t spoken too in months trying to play mind games with me to get back at me for/with revenge in some way?

So basically I met this guy 2 years ago through friends that I was out with one night and after that night he messaged me (he always messaged me first I would never contact him at all). I didn’t know till the next day that he had a girlfriend at the time and I think he had been with her on and off for a year or 2, anyway we were talking but it was just normal conversation….at least it was for around 2 months.

The conversation between us did change but I didn’t notice it at first, of course I felt bad because it was an emotional affair….that went on for 5-6 weeks. He wanted more on an intimate level and I told him no. I said to him I would rather us just go back to how we were and talk as friends. He agreed. Looking back I should of just stopped it there but emotions are a B****.
I trusted my friends who kept telling me that he was indeed a sweet lovely guy….haha! That’s one of the lessons i’ve learned make your own opinions and judgements on people you meet. That’s the only reason I kept a connection with him, also that I believed I could see that in him too.

Then not long after that I didn’t hear from him for 2 weeks (that would be the ghosting period) I thought at the time it was strange, I felt a bit upset which shocked me but I carried on my life as normal because why should I be upset he has a girlfriend I should just forget him and carry on with my life, the part I played in that emotional cheating was wrong. Then out of the blue he messaged me.
I stupidly ended up having conversations again with him (normal ones) if he asked for anything more I would shut him down and tell him no.
I found out then not long after he had been speaking to a mutual friend of ours and told them that he had been messaging me as a joke. So when he messaged me next I confronted him, I asked him if he said that and he lied to me (surprise). I ended the conversation and we didn’t speak again till he reached out to that mutual friend and that mutual friend told me he was upset about it all and that he didn’t mean it. We did end up speaking again after that (I’m pretty certain though that he used mind games or emotional blackmail on or through that mutual friend)

It was about 4 months of conversations again and the same if he tried anything I’d tell him no and end it, but he would apologise after every time and still want a regular convo (I don’t know why). I still felt guilty cause he had a girlfriend and he would be showing his love for her for people to see but when he messaged me it was like he didn’t have a single care for her. I felt physically sick with it all and I think that was when I realised I had caught feelings for this D***.

I was going through some very personal and emotional stuff at one point (that had nothing to do with him), but obviously the contact with him and my feeling of being so guilty and physically sick with all that contact with him while he was with his girlfriend added extra emotional baggage on me, I couldn’t take it no more so….I deleted him from my life…. with no warning to him…. nothing whatsoever. I instantly felt better for it and I actually thought he wouldn’t of noticed. Which of course he did. I don’t think he took it too well that I did that. I didn’t see or hear off him. Though he was still mentioned in passing conversation a few times by my friends.

Recently his girlfriend had split up with him and I don’t think he has taken that well. Suddenly I have seen him around a few times now in passing and we have noticed each other but just ignored one another.
He happened to have been in a place I was in with my friend (who he doesn’t know) and I was talking to my friend about this other friend who we shall call Mel*.
He does know Mel and he knows that me and Mel are good friends. I was saying to my friend that me and Mel had been out recently and that we had fun and I was telling that friend all about it. He overheard this i’m sure because I could see he was listening in.
A month later I went to visit my friend Mel for a bit and she came out and said that he had messaged her out of the blue a couple of weeks before I visited, which she found odd because he has never messaged her once at all in the 2 years he has known her. I said that was strange and told her he was a bit of an ass and to ignore him, she did.
A week later after I had left hers and after she had posted a few photos that week of me and her together he messaged her again, she messaged me and said that he had randomly popped up again and that she is just going to ignore him.

He has also been messaging another mutual friend of mine and his that he knows I am close too in the same way he used to message me. None of my friends know I ended up with these feelings for him over time.
I am moving on but I can’t help but feel he is trying to play some sort of mind games with me now i’m not sure? I thought he would at least be trying this with his ex I don’t know maybe he is but I do feel that he is doing this on purpose popping up randomly every so often in my life, whether it’s through friends or the places I usually go. I have confided in one close friend (he don’t know) about it all and she thinks he is doing this on purpose.

So…. is this guy who I haven’t spoken too in months trying to play mind games with me to get back at me for/with revenge in some way?
I have a feeling he might be targeting me or trying to get a win over me because he couldn’t with his ex. Or am I just simply overreacting? Help please!

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 10, 2018 at 8:19 pm

Hi Ray,

it looks like he sees you as a potential rebound or side chick because you’re always talking to him whenever he initiates.

Jane

December 25, 2017 at 5:56 pm

Hi, I have a question. Couldn’t find anything about this in the website. My ex thinks and knows I’m the kind that will play psychological games to get what I want. So how can I use the no contact and everything you’ve talked about. I already did it once. Plus, he understands psychology better than me.

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 26, 2017 at 5:25 pm

Hi Jane,

How many days did you do nc and what did yoi say to him after that? How much did you improve and how active are you in posting?

Joy

October 22, 2017 at 12:15 am

In a way I think he is doing mind games he doesn’t text first and he has actually said that he has thought he initiated the conversation first in some ways he has but I have usually started it off. But recently I have been trying to not to talk as much because it was clear to me right now he really just was space and time to himself and he has said that much and when we did break up he didn’t really state a reason just that was very depressed and have been for while and he needed to find himself but he never once said that he didn’t like me or that he and I do think didn’t want to be with me its just one week he said he we were stronger than ever then the next week he had gotten very low and wanted to break upheaval also said that wasn’t good enough for me. Right he is trying to keep himself really busy and run himself into the ground otherwise he will get depressed and lose motivation and in some ways I do think I did disappoint him and lose some of his trust when he needed me but the fact is I think we weren’t ready he had just come out of 6 year relationship where was engaged and 9 days later had gone into an relationship with me and I thought I was ready but I wasn’t and when he did break up he had said that much himself that he wasn’t ready. I think for the most part we did really get along never have many arguments until later in the relationship due me being childish and he was very tolerate of my behaviour but he still hadn’t opened up to be completely and wouldn’t probably because some things in his past have messed him but was fine would that I just wasn’t fine would not letting me in when he was depressed but I understand that he will do that when he is ready and he thinks that people cant handle when he is low but that is not true I never got dragged down by him when he was depressed and I would be there for him when he did open up but some of family issues did but a strain on our relationship thats why I believe I wasn’t ready and it wasn’t the right time and I wanted to believe was but I found things new and strange and wouldn’t always go with him to do things he wanted i like i wasn’t ready to open up myself to him but now I think we both need time to learn and grow and hopefully in the future have another shot at it in the future because are still young and I want to improve things about myself because I don’t like them myself and sort of my life that was part of the problem I did get frustrated with myself but you aren’t always going to perfect in relationship we are only human but I improve on some things for the better. The fact is I still want to part of his life even just little bit for but I accept that fact that he doesn’t want a relationship for the moment and the fact is I was the one asking to be his friend but I truly do believe Im not dependent on him I do realise he does have a busy life and I do want to make effort to regaining his trust in the future but Ive got to give it time and I do know Im not always the most patient of people but I do realise it is a slow process to regain someones trust that you have let down
Arnav chopra

October 21, 2017 at 3:59 pm

Hi I’m gay….I was with a guy for 11 month. We had an on/off relationship during this period of time and he was the one who always made first move and start taking. We broke up its 4 months now and we didn’t spoke to eachoter. Now he dating few girls and busy with his phone all the time. He don’t talk to me and spend his time with his cousin brother. I’m ok with all this but his cousin made fun of me whenever they are together. It’s hurting me a lot….I spoke to him and asked him to stop his cousin but he sad he can’t do this during this conversation he trying to talk more. What it means…?
I’m confused it’s hurting me, even I feel I love him but his activity hurting me he showing that he dont care about me.
What I do please help

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 24, 2017 at 1:27 pm

Hi Arnav,

When did you last talk about what his cousin is doing to you? Is it in
person?

Kayy

October 5, 2017 at 11:39 am

Broke up with my ex boyfriend almost 3months. Begged him twice but he never return. He told me he wanted to break up because he is tired. The first month he always message me but I was in no contact period. So I never reply any of his message then he never message me again for three weeks. Then he suddenly call me out of sudden asking me what I was busy with because I didn’t online for few days. I never message him first and only wait for him to message me to avoid feeling neerdy. We started chatting for one week. He complained his stuffs to me , telling me what makes him frustrated during the relationship and told me he even bring along the gift I gave him to his new place. But ,the next day he suddenly tell me about his ideal type of girl (ex: the height- which is definitely not me). After the one week chat, he went missing again (didn’t message me anymore). Two weeks later, he message me again but the conversation abit cool. Is like, I ask him one question and he answer back that question. More like didn’t want to continue the chat. IM CONFUSE. what should I do ?

Kayy

October 11, 2017 at 6:10 am

During that one month of nc, I started to work out so that I will have a good shape back. And whenever I’m going out to have fun with my sisters and friends , I will post it out at Instagram and snapchat it. He’s still following my snapchat and Instagram. Sometimes, he will also likes my insta selfie. And then , yesterday is the first time I message him first after the break up, but he was so cool to my message but when I cool back to him replied with ‘i see’ and he still reply me with ‘hmm.okay’. but I choose to seen his msg to avoid akhward. It is okay ?
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 11, 2017 at 10:36 am

That’s good continue improving yourself and posting.. sorry, what do you mean that you cool back to him? Yup, that’s good that you seen his message..
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 6, 2017 at 8:59 pm

Hi Kayy,

It looks like you’re not doing the building up of rapport the right way.. How much did you improve during nc and now? How active are you in posting?

laurie

September 23, 2017 at 12:09 pm

Hi,
Before breaking up my ex (2 months ago) and I, we had some toxic months.I was not sure to be with him so with my doubts I hurted him.When we were almost done, we said we were going to have a conversation about us.In between I though things could change and I had hopes and a lot of love inside. Then, when we talked he told me he didn’t want to be in that places anymore, he lost himself and he didn’t want to come back.
So that broke my heart.I was totally upset cause in between he gave me hopes ad send me pics..etc.
So I decided to move on and 2 weeks after that he sent me a message telling me he was so angry at me (I was angry to). SO we started to talk in little drops of hate and reproaches.
Finally a month after I could understand him, but he told me horrible things he thinks about me. I asked him sorry for the times I made him feel bad, cause I really feel it.But he didn’t ask me sorry for anything, he thinks he did everything good. So he is hurted and abusing of that situation.
I told him that if I can make it feel better about that I will, but I am still in love and I need to move on, so I prefer to have a big conversation at once and not info in little drops by whatsapp.
So I made him feel better.But now from time to time he send sentences like he still can listen to an album we used to listen, or he stills think about me a lot…etc.
But he doesn’t want to come back.And we live in different countries.
So, I need help to understand what is happening here. What should I do?

laurie

September 23, 2017 at 12:13 pm

‘sorry, he still can’t listen to an album’ I meant
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 27, 2017 at 9:04 pm

Hi Til,

check this one:
What It Takes To Make A Long Distance Relationship Work

Felicity

September 8, 2017 at 4:30 pm

I am really in some emotional turmoil here:

My boyfriend and I broke up 5 weeks ago. Our breakup was very tearful and I could tell he wasn’t 100% sure about his decision, since he says he has never loved anyone like he’s loved me. There was a lot of talk about where we went wrong: him being closed off about him emotions and inability to communicate. And my insecurities making me criticise him and reject his needs. We hugged a lot and said we needed some time to work on ourselves and hopefully we’d be able to communicate better in the future.
I started NC and 3 weeks in he texted to ask if he could call me. I said I was busy but allowed him to call me 2 days after he texted. He wanted to see me to give back my stuff and to get coffee. Due to our work schedules it was over a week before we met up. Him initiating the texts about what day I was free and then what time he would be arriving.
He drove almost 2 hours to see me. I then drove us into town and we had some lunch. It was almost like our first date all over again. Laughing, compliments, flowing conversation, teasing from him. He asked about my family and opened up to me about some issues that were happening in his family. He talked about his future, what he had asked for for his birthday and an upcoming job interview he was excited about. We then went back to my house and had coffee. We had a moment of intense eye contact but I broke it when he smiled at me to make me giggle. When he left he hugged me tight and said hopefully i’ll see you soon. Earlier in the day he had said this didn’t have to be the last time we saw each other.

I was very happy the next couple of days and three days after we met I sent him a text saying ‘Hi, how are you? I had a really nice time with you’. It’s now been three days and i’ve had no response, yet he’s been looking at my instagram stories. I believe he is ignoring me. Last time he ignored my texts, I was a text gnat, because he was in another country and I was worried about him, after this period of ignoring me is when he broke up with me. He is emotionally immature and I have noticed a pattern where he quite often needs several days to take some space to work out his feelings.

I am very conflicted with how to feel right now as I feel he could have used me for an ego boost, or to get rid of his guilt. I want to begin NC again as, although I believe we could make things work, I don’t want to keep feeling this pain. I know my worth and I am no one’s back-up option.

Thank you for any advice!

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 13, 2017 at 12:03 pm

Hi Felicity,
I think you should just go back to your activites..let him initiate..and when he does be the one to end the conversation at high point

Chris

August 25, 2017 at 5:11 pm

Hi! My boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me almost 4 weeks ago because I was a bit of a control freak and we had constant fights even though we really really loved each other and he would always chase me whenever I got mad. So, I did NC for one week (I even erased my photos with him even though he didn’t) but then I asked him if we could talk personally because I felt like I should chase him this time. Even though he was nice and gave me hope at the beginning of the conversation he didn’t want to get back together. The next day I sent a few texts and he responded as a friend. Then the next day I texted him BIG saying that I wanted to be with him but if he really didn’t want to make it work I had to move on because I’m going to study abroad for 5 months. He didn’t bother to respond and then I found out that he went to a festival that we were supposed to go together. And then I saw that he had already changed his relationship status on facebook. I got really hurt. So I decided to give up and accept the break-up. A week went by and all of a sudden he starts to call and text me like crazy. I ignored the first day, then the next I started to tell him how much he had hurt me and that I was finally starting to move on. Now he keeps texting me saying that he loves me and that he realized he only wants me, but at the same time he keeps telling me that if I don’t want to be with him anymore he’ll just have to accept it and that he’s going to leave me alone. And I feel like he shouldn’t expect me to get back with him through text messages. I wanted him to come to my door and fight for me (He lives one hour away from me). But I don’t want to tell him that myself because he should do it willingly. I’m going abroad and I need to be sure that he really wants to be with me, for real, that our relationship is strong. If not, this is the best opportunity for me to move on, being away.
I told him to leave me alone to see if he really wants to be with me and today he asked if this is really the end, he told me he loves but according to my answer he is going to live me alone and that I know where to find him.
But should I just tell him that he should come and talk to me in person or just ignore his texts and see how he reacts?

EBR Team Member: Amor

August 26, 2017 at 12:46 pm

Hi Chris,

if you want him to do that out of ego, just talk to him.. If you want to do that because he really didn’t show before, then set a limit on until when you wait for him to do that and then continue moving on if he doesn’t.

anu

August 23, 2017 at 9:50 am

So my ex broke up with me two three time as I too gave him chances, coz he was my first and I really loved him.He was always a confusion though, I sometimes think he does luv me but then again ask myself do he really luv me?..
But anyways let’s get to the point, he lied to me to the limit I didn’t care anymore, he have hurt me alot of times, broke my heart into pieces and left me without no reason and still make me feel like I’m the bad person.
So anyways last time we broke up , don’t remember even how anymore, but it was two years or more… Guess what he started a relationship with another girl in a few days or weeks after we split. And it last two years and the date the started was (X.IX.MMXV) I’m sure of this. But one day when I was on insta, he was in my suggestion list and I mistakenly clicked the follow button but I cancelled it soon after that, guess what few minutes later he texted me on insta…there on he started a conversation, then he sent his number to write him on WhatsApp, the conversation was fine, he talked about his personal emotional life, like having depression and losing everything and feeling down. at one point of some texts, he asked if we could meet when I go to srilanka for this Dec vacation as I didn’t even get the chance to see me and say goodbye before I came to italy. Anyways I said sure, and I said when we meet, I’ll also get a chance to see your gf, then he said I don’t have that anymore…. Then I got to know it was over with her, he also mentioned it’s been 4 months from now.
The point is he is saying that’s he needs me and wants me in his life and that we have a long history… And that he wants me to luv him and care for hI’m like I always did…and so on…it was just one two three times but I said no at first time then after some time I felt sorry and said I’ll think about it and two days ago he said he have said all the things he feel for me and now it your choice to make this work….but how am I even gonna try when he doesn’t even show any effort anymore…. I think he’s just playing me around and I don’t know what to do….please help me…..

EBR Team Member: Amor

August 24, 2017 at 10:08 pm

Hi Anu,

did you tell him that?

Chelle

August 21, 2017 at 2:19 am

Okay so my ex boyfriend broke up with me a month and a few days ago now and I have not contacted him since then. We broke up under the circumstances of me having trust issues throughout the relationship turned into him not trusting me because I did something childish that messed with his one of his friendships with someone. He has not contacted me since we talked about the break up and I asked for another chance and he seemed unsure but said no and was like he doesn’t like my attitude and how can he trust me again… (he’s a little manipulativeas in when he’s wrong he someone flips it on me to make me be the one who apologizes) so I just gave up and wished him the best the same day of the break up. Well now it’s been no contact but I’m not sure if I should really be the one reaching out or not. Just need a little guidance as to what I can do.

EBR Team Member: Amor

August 22, 2017 at 9:25 pm

Hi Chelle,

when did you ask for another chance? How much did you improve yourself and how active were you in posting?

Jane

August 8, 2017 at 4:39 am

My bf and I have been going back and forth. I hate games and don’t care for them- but any advice is helpful. 5 months ago he broke up with me, we swore we would always be friends and I supported him leaving me as much as it killed me. I think he wasn’t shocked at first because I’ve always been supportive but something changed in him. He became reserved, distant, no matter how supportive and kind I was. Again I wanted him back but respect his choice. Maybe I was to supportive sending him encouraging quotes. Anyway, weird behavior begins. Suddenly he refuses to call me. We still haven’t talked on the phone in 5 months but we still text. one day I post one of our favorite songs on FB and he infriends me with no explanation, I didn’t think he cared he wasn’t calling and SO distant. I told him I support him and just want him to be happy. No reply. We are still friends on Snapchat. He sends a snap of him with his hand in bed in a group (I can’t see who received it just that he sent it) saying it’s so early and he can’t wake up and it was a bit sexual and I couldn’t take it. I sent him a message saying I wish him nothing but happieness I just can’t be his Snap friend now and it isn’t his fault, maybe we can snap some other time, and unfriend him from snap. After 30 days I text asking how he is doing, he takes 10 days but then responds and asks how I’m doing. I respond lightly that I’m well and throw in a cute and short joke I know made him chuckle, but no response. Last and most important to note, I had made a picture of my dog on FB public wondering if he looked. After he text me back out of curiosity I check his FB and am SHOCKED he has made all his private info (it was always always private before) PUBLIC and it’s all things I loved and love about him, what a hard worker he is, his love for his family, ect. Please explain why this man will indirectly try to grab my attention but never calls and now won’t text unless I do. My heart is broken and I’m doing better but I do miss him. He has been very wounded but he truly was an amazing man. Yes, I wish we could reconcile and see where it goes. Thank you.

EBR Team Member: Amor

August 9, 2017 at 3:08 pm

Hi Jane,

check this one:
How To Get An On Again/Off Again Boyfriend Back

Lucie

August 8, 2017 at 1:00 am

Hi,

My ex broke up with me 3 weeks ago. I found out the day after that he had taken a girl out for coffee (someone he knew I did not like while we were together) via her social media- though only the guy’s shirt was shown but I have a gut feeling it was him, plus the coffee cups said his name on them. Anyway, the day after that (2 days post breakup) he texts me in the AM asking me about a piece of jewelry that I had left at his house. Of course I did not reply because of NC but also it was an unimportant object and could be easily replaced. Later that night he texts me again asking if I received his message… again I do not reply. THEN an hour later he got his brother’s girlfriend to contact me asking if I wanted it and that they could mail it back to me or I could get in touch with my ex to figure something out. She later asked how I was doing and that she was informed of the breakup, I just replied vaguely that I was doing well and ended it there and that I did not want the jewelry back. TWO weeks later, she sends me another text asking if my ex had left his swim suit at my house… no he did not leave it
Tamara

August 6, 2017 at 6:46 am

Let me preface this by saying, I have no clue if I want him back however…

My ex and I have been split for a year. We had 4 years together. Throughout the relationship, he cheated with the same desperate chick. She knew we were in a relationship and kept coming back. I would break up with him and there he would come, at my door… “I love you, I need you, you’re the one, she means nothing, I won’t do it again”.

Finally, the breaking point occurred. I kicked him out and messaged her and told him… he’s all yours.

Since that time, he begged me back, told me he loves me, misses me, I was the best girlfriend he ever had, he tried to Facebook friend my sister and mom a month ago.. I was like omg… I’m not a side chick. So yeah good luck in your relationship.

Well, he and side chick broke up. Apparently, he cheated on her. Go figure! So what does he do? Message me… of course. Bro, I’m not taking you back… So what does he do? Puts a picture of them on Facebook together kissing, saying he misses and loves her so much ( I didn’t realize that yet, only after talking to my friend). In the meantime, he messages me and asks me for any advice to calm him down. I was like are you suicidal? He was like no… I’m just a f*** up and I mess everything up, can you pray for me? I sent him a Bible verse and kept on moving.

Well apparently, my ex-reached out to my long time friend (who wouldn’t have known my ex unless we dated). He asked him to go to church with him and asked for help through his situation. GETTING THE SIDE CHICK BACK.

So my friend messages me and says, we will be coming to church, find another service to miss him. I’m like… excuse me??? This dude now wants to come to church…. with my friends?!?!?! So we can all pray for him to help him get back the side chick???

Anyway, I messaged him and was like did you message me, asking me for help to get your side chick back?? Then he goes into a full rant of how she’s not a side chick, she’s the one, he loves her and is going to get her back, he’s always loved her…

I’m like …..great…. what does this ALL have to do with me????? And WHY does he feel the need to come to MY church and worse… during the times he KNOWS I have to come to church because of another situation.

Help me understand this head game….

EBR Team Member: Amor

August 9, 2017 at 11:44 am

Hi Tamara,

Check this one:
EBR 056: My Ex Boyfriend Cheated On Me Multiple Times… What Do I Do?

Betty

August 5, 2017 at 3:07 pm

Hello, my name is Betty and I don’t know what to do with my ex boyfriend. We broke up after almost 2years because of personal issues: he had kids from other women and was difficult for him to manage the situation as his ex was threatening him and me I had to move to another State for an important project.
Basically the day i left he didn’t say anything, neither a goodbye nor a “good luck”. nothing, he just ignored me that day. it happened 3 month ago, i was very sad and i decided to think about myself and improve my life. i disappeared: no sms, no call.
Since May weird things have happened, in effect his friends started to search for me, text me to know when i would have come back, how my life is and asking for news. especially they always mention him and what he is doing, every time, in all the conversations even if i don’t ask about him at all (for this reason when they name him I stop replying). my ex bf then tried to contact me with stupid excuses on social media. I ignored these attempts because at the end was/am still angry. is he trying to taste the water?? why do you think he asks support to his friends?? now i’m back for real and in some way i miss him, but i don’t want to make the first move.
thank you
B.

EBR Team Member: Amor

August 7, 2017 at 6:41 pm

Hi Betty,
It looks like he misses you but dont rush things after initiating contact..So, it’s like you did the no contact rule.. But I assume you weren’t active in posting? But since it’s been months, initiate and follow the advice on this one:
How To Properly Start A Conversation With Your Ex After No Contact

Hopeful

August 3, 2017 at 1:09 am

I had been working on myself focusing and on school and excercising while doing no contact which I successfully completed. I was going to let my ex reach out to me first but after a small accident, I broke down and reached out first coming to him to vent and for his advice on what to do as he had a similar accident happen to him. He replied almost immediately, was comforting and supportive. He ended the conversation first. The next day I reached out feeling much better about my accident and thanking him for his support but though polite and nice he was short with me. It’s been a day and he hasn’t responded to me. He’s been actively posting on Snapchat though. I want to reach out again but I don’t want to come across as needy. Though we known each other for a yr, we dated only three months. He was insecure about us up & broke up with me because he couldn’t trust me despite I have never done anything shady or cheated on him. Though he seemed pretty sad about the breakup at first, I’m afraid he’s moved on in this month with no contact. Should I reach out again and if so, how?

EBR Team Member: Amor

August 4, 2017 at 4:53 pm

What was the vent about?

Jessie

August 2, 2017 at 5:56 am

I don’t know how to tell of my ex boyfriend is playing mind games with me or not. But I have texted my ex last Saturday about how my family, my baby, and I were AL going to the zoo and I said I wish he was there with .e. then I said, sorry to bother you, I was just thinking of that. Have a great weekend. Of course he didn’t respond. ( He didn’t answer because he has my number blocked because he’s afraid of his current girlfriend finding out that I texted him; she is a very jealous woman of me). But knowing that he had my number under spam, I texted him anyway. Even if my ex did see my message, should I do the NC rule or how should I approach this since he didn’t respond. (Every time I told him something before he never believed me because I never acted upon what I professed).

EBR Team Member: Amor

August 3, 2017 at 6:13 pm

If you can work and have somebody else look over your child while you work, that would be better.. You need to know and cultivate your self worth.

You cheated on him before but right now you’re chasing him. You’re accepting that you’re the one who has to prove something even though he’s telling you he wants to be with you while he’s in a relationship.

Hanging out with other guys especially his friend is like proving to him he’s right about you..

Staying friends with him now is lowering your self worth too because first, you’re putting yourself in the friendzone. Second, it’s starting to look like you’ve been making up for a mistake that was a long time ago and both of you should have moved on from it since he’s in a relationship now too.

You’re showing him you’re just there, always waiting for his forgiveness..

The better approach is to talk to him about what happened calmly. Tell him you’re sorry about what happened before but you’ve forgiven yourself and that’s not you now and it’s up to him whether he forgives you or not but you’re moving on from that for your self respect and for your child.

If he wants to get back with you, he has to do the right thing first, break up with his current gf. If he says it’s just because he doesn’t trust you, tell him, that’s for him to work out for himself because that was a mistake years ago. Thank him for eveything and tell him you hope that he understands and respect the space you need for yourself.

And then do at least 30 days of nc.. Don’t tell him you’re doing nc. Don’t tell him you’re going to contact him after 30 days. If he asks if you will contact him again, tell him as of now you don’t know yet. If he asks if you’re still friends, tell him as of now that’s not workable.

Improve yourself. Have a new routine for yourself and your child. Have your own life. Prepare your life in a way that if you don’t get him back, it will hurt but it’s his loss, not yours. You have a lot in store for yourself and in your child’s future.

Maria

July 27, 2017 at 9:50 pm

I am in a situation where I was dating this guy pretty seriously for about a month, before he went abroad for work for several months. He invited me to come see him and I did – but all of a sudden he quit showing up at the places we agreed to meet up and was very unstable – one moment everything was fine and back to normal and the next he could barely respond to my texts while he was there. In the end he told me he had some issues with regards to relationships to work on from his past and that things had changed for him while we were apart. He said we could try again once he came back though. After he is back, he texts me asking what is going on in the city tonight, where to party etc. but he doesn’t ask to meet up and it doesn’t seem like he would come to town just to see me. However, I never asked him to text me, when he came back and I am puzzled as to how to respond every time he asks something lame about parties, which he could ask any of his friends about?
Is he playing me or is he confused? And how should I react to that?

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 30, 2017 at 5:34 pm

Actually I think he’s playing you.. It’s like he knows you were waiting, and now that he’s back and not doing the activities or seeing the people he used to see when he was away, he thought you were still waiting.

jen

July 24, 2017 at 6:23 am

hi i really hope one of you can help me. ive been reading various parts of your website and listened to your webinar and found it really helpful but ive become abit stuck. so basically me and my ex were together just over a year (known each other years and both families know each other) we split because there was alot of stress in my life all at one time and it put a strain on our relationship. anyway that was 8 weeks ago weve not spoken much in that time and i found that he was seeing someone else (who lives like 2hrs away) about 3weeks after we split but never had it confirmed until a couple of days ago. i did the NC i put an offer of a catch up on the table if he wanted one at some point and left him to it. but 2 days ago we spoke pretty much all day then he asks if i still want to catch up sometime so i kept it casual and said yeh ok if u want. this is where i need your help…he said it depended on me as he wasnt sure what i wanted/expected from this catch up. he also told me he had met someone but hes not sure if it will work out or not yet and that he hadnt moved on fully but thought i had. so told him not fully moved on had a couple of offers to go out but not decided on what to do yet and he said he felt really jealous and missed me and it was highly unlikely this new thing would go anywhere. well i now havent heard from him so my guess is im being kept on the side line incase things with the new dont work? what do you think? whats my next move? im not sitting around waiting im back in a really good place and im not chasing!

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 25, 2017 at 4:03 pm

that’s good that you’re talking again but avoid doing it the whole day. Always be the one to end the conversation at high point. Don’t rush.. especially if it’s like that, that he’s not wanting a relationship but will jump at the opportunity of sex, you will end up being friends with benefits if you rush things. You have to build more interest in him.. let him chase. let him be the one to wonder if he can get you back.. keep having your own life while you’re slowly building rapport with him.

Kim

July 12, 2017 at 5:14 pm

My boyfriend broke up with me because he told me I was stressing him out & i HAVE. It’s been going on for 3 months now! He broke up with me two days ago & he really said the most hurtful things to me, so I just changed my phone number, but he emailed me. He still talks about me on social media. I then gave him my new number and he told me he reached out to tell me that he just wanted to talk to tell me his heart hurts, that he still loves me & misses me. He says he wants a good relationship for us two & told me he doesn’t think it’s a good idea we be together “right now” he’ll still text me and come see me if I ask him to. I don’t know if I should just block his number?? I want the relationship but he doesn’t.

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 14, 2017 at 1:55 pm

You dont need to block him..just don’t reply if you’re doing nc

Sara

July 10, 2017 at 4:27 pm

We were together for three months then we broke up because of some problems I know he loves me I can still feel it. Then after three weeks of NC he called me but I didn’t answer after 10 minutes he texted me “Sorry I had the wrong number”. Is he plying mind games on me?

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 14, 2017 at 8:59 am

That’s hard to say with just one message..maybe or maybe he’s telling the truth

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