Is Your Ex Boyfriend Playing Mind Games On You? Let's Find Out!

652 thoughts on “Let’s Find Out If Your Ex Boyfriend Is Playing Mind Games”

Lea

May 2, 2016 at 2:26 am

So, how can I tell if he ghosted me because he was playing a mind game to test me or if he ghosted me because he genuinely lost interest? Is the biggest indicator that they text you first and then they ignore you when you do respond?

He and I had stopped talking in November after a dumb fight. I went into NC and after 7 weeks, he started messaging me again but was more reserved than before. So little by little he contacted me more often and so once I saw him making effort, it was about 50/50 where we both contacted each other every other day or so. We live long distance and he is planning to visit soon and also plans to move back in a year. So, he asked me out again and I said yes and we made plans for when he visits in a couple months. So, with that he contacted me a little more often and I thought things were getting better (not as good as before but better). Well one day he emailed me (he emails me when he is working because he is not allowed to have his phone at work). The email went into my trash bin so I did not see it until 2 days later. Well when I did see it, I responded. He responded to it and we sent one or two emails and on my last response to his question he ghosted me?? The subject of the messages was just about me being sick and him asking me what was wrong and why was I sick. So no, it was not a fight or disagreement. If anything he was asking me what was wrong with me since I wasn’t feeling well. So, I messaged him back that I was under the weather but otherwise fine but he ignored that message??!! I figured he got busy at work. So, I text him again later that day cheerfully and sent him a cute text pic of me and a caption that said “Just for you”. Again no response?? We had no fight?? So, after he ignored the email and the text pic, I decided to do NC and had no choice but to assume he met someone else and lost interest. It has now been 6 weeks and neither of us have contacted the other. I am having a hard time understanding why he ghosted me. What I cannot understand is why ignore me when he reached out to me first? And even if a guy met someone else, why completely ignore the other girl? I guess the only hope I am holding on to is that he contacted me the last time after 7 weeks so maybe he will again? Help me understand! Thanks!

Lea

May 9, 2016 at 3:37 pm

Well it hurt like hell to hear that! But I took your words & accepted it that he just wasn’t interested. Then out of nowhere 7 weeks of NC with each other, yesterday he text saying Happy Mother’s Day, Also asked me would I give him another chance? Said he thinks of me all the time. I asked him about the text, he never got it. He said he felt like I was not interested!! So there is hope for some of us. That guy that acts uninterested may be missing you. I do truly believe in NC. It works like a restart button.
EBR Team Member: Amor

May 10, 2016 at 3:23 am

that’s good! I’m happy I’m wrong! Have fun and enjoy being back with him..build new memories!
EBR Team Member: Amor

May 3, 2016 at 12:23 pm

Hi Lea,

yeah, it’s odd.. either something happened at work and with his phone but really, it’s more of that he lost interest.

Deena

April 23, 2016 at 5:39 pm

Hello, I was hoping to get a little help with my situation if possible. My husband and I broke up over 5 months ago and the reason of break up was very childish as he’s very immature. I moved to the other side of the world for him and left everything behind me. Before that he was just great and after I moved he was good but then he started feeling as if he has full control and can do anything so he kept asking to go with friends more often and leaving me behind. I went back home for a vacation and we broke up, haven’t spoken to him since then. I’m very stringent when it comes to the no contact rule and so is he apparently because neither one of us reached out to one another. I believe I tried to save the relationship, gave him plenty of options and he didn’t want to hear it so he broke it off although were married, therefore I believe he should’ve contacted first and I wasn’t going to be the one that gives in. However. That hasn’t happened. Lately he’s been adding my family member on social media and liking her stuff. He can’t see or find out anything about me because I took off all social media for this reason. I just wanted to see if you can help me figure him out. I would like for us to talk through this and fix it but at the same time he should be reaching out to me. Do you have any suggestions perhaps as to what to do?

Deena

April 27, 2016 at 7:22 pm

Do you think he’ll ever try to talk to me because it’s been a while but we never got any closure. Do you think I should do something, or just wait as I have been for these last 5 months? Do you think he thinks of me or misses me or would like to talk to me but just doesn’t know how to? All these questions go through my head but I kind of wanted to get someone else’s perspective, such as yourself being a professional in this and knowing how to simplify relationship issues. I try to give myself answers but I’m sure they’re biased because I want to think he does miss me, thinks of me, etc. however I would like a realistic answer so rather than asking him I wanted to consult with a professional and see what you think. Thank you so much for taking your time to help me out, it means a whole lot to me.
EBR Team Member: Amor

May 1, 2016 at 6:24 am

with his actions it looks like he misses you but don’t know how to approach.. You’re still married so, yeah, of course he’s still thinking of you.. if he really wanted to move on, he would have filed for divorce… him adding your family members is a sign that he’s thinking of you
Deena

April 26, 2016 at 6:32 pm

Yes ma’am. We’ve both agreed to delete our social media just to be worry free, then towards the end of the relationship he started using his social media. I thought it would be better to not have anything just so he can’t check on me, I thought that would make him sort of wonder more about what I’m doing. I just didn’t want to expose myself too much. I have not spoken to him in 5 months and I don’t know how he feels, If he still has any feelings at all. He hasn’t tried to reconcile and I think he expected me to beg him but I never said anything because at the end of the day he wanted to break up and I didn’t want to come out as desperate then I know he’d take advantage of me being vulnerable. I don’t know what to think of the situation so I wanted to get your perspective mainly on what you think he’s feeling basing it on his behavior.
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 27, 2016 at 8:27 am

well, it looks like he wants to see what you’ve been up to through your family..
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 25, 2016 at 10:52 am

Hi Deena,

I just want to make it clear, you don’t want to reach out, you want him to be the one to initiate contact right? If that’s the case, you have to activate your social media accounts.. it will help to let him see what you’re doing and miss you

Miss A

April 23, 2016 at 3:58 pm

hey…..so im 15 nd i was dating this guy for about 1 yr who is in my school,he was the one who was aftr me and made me into him.so we had a break up then again we had a patch it was a break up of 2 months and then coincidently we had a tlk wid each other coz of somethng and then latr we sorted out became friends and both of us commited dat we love each other so aftr some time i asked him out but for the first time he had asked me out,obviously his answer was yes nd den we started dating.aftr sometime we had a breakup and i really used to love him i got depressed he said that it was because of my ego that he took a breakup 4 months ago from me.finally we started talkng 3 months before he commited he likes me so did i nd den again we had an arguements nd we stopped tlkng den finally in school i got to know dat he said bad stuff bout me so i got angry and me and my friends had a verbal arguement with him nd he didnt do any verbal fight with me but yes he verbally arguemented with my friends when i said to him anythng he said go i dont wanna tlk to u (as if he was really very hurt from me or coz of somthng)then it came his bday so i had to wish him but he was really very angry to me so he slammed d door nd ignored me coz before that i said many hurtful things to him like dont u ever luk at me or come on my path etc…….we have some mutual friends and they say that we both love each other its just that none of us wanna commit or take any action,and btw we even have eye contacts nd ive noticed whever i pass by his class he and his friends always luk at me.also my mutual friend told me dat she finds dat he still cares for me. truthfully saying im veryy confused i really like rather love him.hes really gud from his heart but there were some people who created confusions between us.and i feel really bad wen i luk at him everyday but im not able to tlk to him,day before yestrday our mutual friend told him that i was sorry so he said ok he even wished me all d best for a competition(through my mutual friend) idk how to start our conversation actally im not sure if he loves me or not or is it because of studies that this break up happened coz hes not dating anyone yet nd so am i.when ever ive eye contact i could see d love nd care for me we guys even promised each other that we will stay by each others side forever nd promised in this new year.now idontknow wat to do ive left everythng on time………
pls help me
thanku

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 25, 2016 at 9:52 am

Hi Miss A,

it looks like he’s already starting to cool down.. how long have you broken up? do you want to try nc while your letting him cool off more?

Angie

April 19, 2016 at 6:45 pm

Hey! So We were dating for 6 months and he was always testing me to see how much I cared. Then when I actually told him I do care about him. He changed and said he didn’t want to be with me anymore. Then asked a week later if we can still be friends. So I said yeah. Then he told me he was talking with his ex/ babymama. And that I should move on. So I was pissed because I was there for him when nobody was not even his own family. So if he really didn’t want anything to do with me anymore I don’t understand why he had to hurt me to prove that fact. He could have been straight up with me. Then he apologize he said he just needs space right now and then right before we were gonna hang up he said that he’ll get me my stuff when he gets back and that he really loves that I respect him. Wtf??

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 21, 2016 at 1:04 pm

Hi Angie,

let him go..he’s just seeing who he will benefot the most and then will stick to that person

Anon

April 18, 2016 at 1:06 am

I was in a long distance relationship with this boy, who ended things with me about two months ago. Well, he still messages me and will often flirt with me and send mixed signals. But the only thing I can’t understand is, since I live so far away right now, what would make him feel the need to do any of this? He can’t get sex from me that way, so that’s a waste of effort. And I can’t tell if he is into another girl, and just keeping me on a back burner. But if he were into another girl, why would he try so hard to keep her hidden and continue to flirt with me all the time? Some days I will just not reply to him for a while, to see if he is really interested in talking, and he will always start a convo back. So I just don’t know what to think.

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 18, 2016 at 2:10 pm

Hi Anon,

maybe it’s the comfort of having someone to talk to or flirt with

julia

April 15, 2016 at 2:49 pm

hello chris
I’ve been using your site for almost two years and you helped me well enough with my ex boyfriends
this post is not related to this section but i couldn’t find anything where i can get the information from
this guys is not my ex
so i met this guy in uni we started talking non stop then we went out once after uni but stile didn’t take my number
and the next time i saw him he took it
then he texted me once after class to see me,then once he came under my dorms “to study” but we didn’t study anything and talked for 3 hours in a row
2 days ago smh very weird happened the guys were throwing sex jokes and he turned to me and said ” with all respect to you,anyway i consider u one of the guys” then he remained silent for 3 seconds and added “of course in a good way”
i texted him at night and we went out and had a great time together,he showed me his favorite places he made me meet his friends
it might sound very ideal,but i have to say that he is sending me mixed signals
once i feel I’m only his friend
and once i feel he is interested into more
today i saw him in uni and he said only hi,and then i sawed him one more time in uni
and i told him to come stand with me he told me “no u come” then pointed on the place very close to him and then he put his hand on his heart and said “come to my heart” i laughed but didn’t go
then he left with his friends
i really don’t know how should i act with him
i really like him a lot
i read ur book ungetable girl
maybe u candies me smth?
thank u so much
+he doesn’t talk to me on social media
only at uni
Anon07

April 13, 2016 at 4:01 pm

Hi there.. My boyfriend and I were together for about a year and were living together but I found out he was cheating on me the entire time. So we broke the lease and I evicted him. After about a month of NC, he was begging to have me back. On Valentine’s Day we went out on a date and rekindled the flame and it lasted for a few weeks. And then things started going back downhill again. So I started the NC again. He blows me up every single day saying he can’t be the man I deserve but wants to “be friends” and still have me in his life. He said he still loves me but just can’t commit. But doesn’t want to lose me. I told him no and I’m re-starting the NC. What should I do?

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 14, 2016 at 6:43 am

Hi Anon7,

you have to be strong..either lose him or stay as friends with him after nc.. but I think you have a chance of making him want you back..Just be productive wih nc and have a makeover.. go out with friends, have fun

DreamingOfThePast

April 12, 2016 at 2:36 pm

Hi Chris,
I have left you an audio message, and unfortunately I have not had a response.
This is quite a long story so I am going to try to shorten it up.
I met this guy at mt work 4 years ago, I was single for about 2 years and he was for a few months. We hit it off wonderfully, within the first few months little things trickled out. I found out he had messaged his ex girlfriends, drank a little more than I had liked, tried some illegal substances with his friend at the beginning, and a handful of little white lies. When this all came out I went immediate no contact, and was just heart broken as I come from a rocky past. I had done everything for him, encouraged him to make ammends with family, friends, do stuff his ex apparently kepy him from and so and so forth. I always was thoughtful with my gifts whether it was something large for an anniversary or a surprise coffee at work. Well needless to say he came back and he apologized cut ties with people, and went entirely sober. He would show me phone without me asking etc. He proposed little while after and after that he bought a puppy for us ( I now see these as grand gestures) well I wanted to move from where I was living and he still lived at home so I asked him to come with me, I did all the first and last and so forth. I painted it all chose furniture etc. It was great we had spiffs here and there (he always had a lack of making plans and I am a pretty punctual person or i get anxious or stressed) WELL it all started to happen again but this time he seemed more withdrawn and depressed. I figured it was due to losing job, and our small arguments plus I just think he holds on to alot of his past. I tried to offer him help with suggestions of going to counseling together or apart, making date nights, to go to the gym, or perhaps taking vitamins. I wanted so badly to know what was going on with him. He then lost his second job and it sort of spiraled, we would never come out of his “man cave” and I had to basically nag and beg him to want to spend time with me, I would always hollow threat I would leave, and I said I was really down and depressed, that I too needed some stuff, and I was exhausted trying to be string for the both of us. Little lies started to trickle through again, he was talking to people he said he was not, I caught him online, I found evidence he may have done some stuff but I had no clear proof. I started to go insane with worry and obsessing. We had moments where it was better like he would suddenly snap out of it, but again I call these his grand gestures. It was as if when he knew I was finally done he would do one large thing to win me over. I knew it even but it felt so good, and by then we were 3 years in. Well he grew so distant, he would not want to make food or eat together, never go on dates, he was lying about drinking, and I would say I could leave and he could keep apartment and he would tell me no. I could see such pain in his eyes and I felt awful. Well i stupidly started talking to my ex via letters when he was in jail, they all started because I took in our 7 year old dog we shared together in the past and I had visitation with all along. During this time I was seeking CBT therapy for anxiety and depression, I was in and out of hopsital (my boyfriend was of help but he was growing angry and he was frustrated I would not snap out of it) I went back to school and continued to write to my ex, the letters turned into talking about our past, and why he cheated on me and so forth. That turned into mindless questions, and eventually we spoke of our whole past, sex life, and much more. I expressed I wanted to stop several times but I did not. My boyfriend these letters and he was immediately upset obviously. I wanted to calm him down but he was yelling throwing stuff calling me outrageous names and saying I was a cheater, and just I was trying to get them back and calm him down. I had to call police and this is pretty much where it all started. From there he would verbally come at me, and I stupidly defended myself with either switching blame reminding him I stayed through drugs, booze, woman, ghosting, loss of jobs, being only income, his verbal and mental abuse, etc. I was just so shocked and ashamed in myself and with one lie came another. I knew what I was doing but I was stuck between how the f*** could he not see all he did, and how the f*** could I not stop myself come clean and just see yes at this moment this is about ME and what I have done. So he went behind my back and got the whole building involved (my friends I introduced him to) he obtained furniture stored it with them, spoke to landlord behind my back and got a unit right below me. He of course started to act like we were going to be fine and get better. Well end of the month came and he wakes up and says I lied I have keys and paid first and last I just needed to make you not see what I was doing, your so called friends helped me, they dont even want you here etc. He became so nasty. He was drinking, he took our dog he bought for me, he would call me all these obscene names and tell me nothing he did compared to anything he ever did and he could nto believe he was with someone like me, and then several hours would pass and he would be at my door begging me to open the door and let him in he loved me. He would pull out all these letters I wrote him and say things like :how was I suppose to know to treat you better when you said you would never leave me?” I took advice of the counseling and just tried to act neutral like nothing was happening, not mad not happy. I do and did so desperately love him, but it all felt like a messed up dream with a mind game flare. Eventually he cooled off, and he was using control as a tactic and my own insecurites against me. Telling me I could come down but only if I did not message and if I did then that pushed the time, and when I would politely decline the offer to regain control he would say things like ” dont you want to see Kira she misses her Mommy and would like to cuddle” or “I could hold you all night I know how you cant sleep with your anxiety all alone” So I would think yes I do want these get excited and say okay I will come at said time, he would then say ” well we spent all this time arguing, or I have to do this first, or I understand if it is too late and I would love to see you but….” and I would always wait. I would sometimes stay up until 2 hours before I had to be to school. Things calmed and those nights became habitual. I started to ask if I ever had a chance, and reminded him that he too did stuff and we both have stuff to work on, I AGAIN suggested we do couples therapy and individual. He said no. He would always tell me that I had a 00000.1% chance, never a no chance, never a straight answer. Few months of this passed, and the mind games continued. I started to talk to people, and go out more, I was getting into swing of class again and was exercisng daily. I ended up meeting someone whom had gone through a nasty break up about with his ex and he started to tell me things that helped him, I told my ex who this person was as he saw him on my phone once. Few months passed and my ex was not giving me straight answers, was back and forth, I had caught him on a sex dating site for chatting, he was partying excessively and I was just called over when no one was around, and he wanted to lay or cuddle or basically rage again. He was adding girls to facebook, and was going out with his brothers to amusement parks with girls. I started to mentally tell my brain it was over. He grew more distant, and he shut me out again, I was just so numb to it I wanted off the carosoul nothing I offered made him want to work on him or us, it was always me who was the issue. I started to hang out with the guy more, and we slept together. My friend told my ex and my ex went off the handle into a drunken rage, started to accuse me of cheating, and that he was giving me this second chance, and I returned the favor by doing this to him. He was so nasty he told me he was going to bring my friend over and do things with her, he said he told his whole work I had something and was a cheater. I called off anything intimate with the guy but did remain friends, I knew I was not the type to sleep around, I could not ev
er see myself in a relationship and I was still clearly invested in this cycle with my ex. My ex and I finally got to a speaking point and then to a getting along point, he told me the girls were just friends, and or his cousins girlfriend, he said he loved me and so forth, he apologized for his part if there was one in pushing me away and that he did not know how to change and wish he had and so forth. We started doing dinners, and movies, he was wearing his ring, and we were having sex again, he was spending a weeks length upstairs with me at my unit, and would say stuff about how when we get a house etc. Then one week he disappaers and one of the girls was coming by (the cousins girlfriend) they would hang out for several days, and then shed disappear and he would be back at my door. I was not going to be fooled and I asked straight up are you sleeping with her, do you lke her, and so forth. I will skip the messiest month of it all and just say that come christmas time he was with me daily, we were doing exact couple things, things we would not have done in past, and there was still fighting, He would say he just needed a little more time to know if we could do this again, and true love had to be enough. Low and behold a day or two after christmas the other girl contacts me and says she got a message from someone saying we should talk. Long story short he was dating her for last 3 months and cheating on her with me, he had given her gifts, nighs he told me he was at his fathers he was with her even took her away to niagara falls. he gave her a sincere heart felt card telling her he could not wait for more christmas together. This all blew up and I told her everything with proof of screen shots and him writing me about our nights together or dinner plans etc. It made word to his family as she was a friend of the family. He of course blamed me called me names, and then said he hated me and to stay out of his life forever. Blocked and deleted me. One whole week went past, I watched her car not leave the parking lot once, I made it through new years alone, and had my upcoming birthday to prepare for. Suddenly her car leaves and would you not know it within the hour he sent me a friend request and called me….twice. I ignored all. I did add him as a friend (I wanted him to see I was fine) He called again next day, and then that night messaged me saying he heard my cat locked outside. So i agreed to sit down and talk to him. He told me how he was sorry and etc, he showed me proof he called it off with the other girl. and then we started to hang out. I saw dog often, and was keeping a steady balance and distance, he was never on facebook, he was not going out, he would ask to see me everyday. So we started to grwo more intimate (I know I went back again) it was great, we had our moments where he was worried about if I had contact and I was worried if he did, but I was always willing to say conseling, or talk where as he would ask me to leave or want to yell. So 4 months of us being together, doing movies, workin on stuff, having sex, doing my birthday, my graduation, my acceptance, and so forth he starts to hang out with people again, however he let them know I was around, he came to my friends which he never did before. It seemed we may be on a proper track. I did not think I was off hook for my actions but was happy to take what was being offered. Then two weeks ago he tells me he wasnt sure about this it was always on his mind, and he always said he could not be with someone, within in the hour he quickly said no he was happy doing this, and would for as long as it took, and he loved me and was sorry he always went off handle and I told him he was ruminating he just needs to take a leap of faith like I do and with hard work and dedication we could build something stronger and better. Just like that next day BAM silence, and second day and third, then he says why havent you spoke to me, I said I wanted to give you your space, and then he was hesitant accused me of likely seeing other guy, and etc. He later said sorry and we hung out, well next time silence again. This has gone on for 7 more days. I have become a texting gnat at you would put it, I have offered him every passcode, word, site ,account to show look I am not lying even with your lies I am here showing you you can trust me, I want to do this, I send audios of me sayign sorry and emails etc. Crickets. Then he comes back with saying he just needed some space and he was stressed felt bad he was always exploding that he loved me and goodnight. I sent an apology and said goodnight. He then told me it was bulls*** and to go tell it to someone whom cared I asked him where this was coming from and he said I always told you I would not be with someone who does this and cheats. I left it, he then sends another message saying he needed to calm down and then I could come there. Well wouldnt ya know it I waited until 9 am, and he never asked me to come down just changed the time 3 times but never said anything more, and back to crickets. I send messages and stuff all over again, so he finally replies and says ” I am just blank right now and want to clean and go to sleep” I AGAIN say sorry and list all I am willing to do, and he goes crickets, he opens the messages but does not reply. This is now driving me insane, so last night I am reading your site AGAIN trying the NC again, tellng myself he is a narcissist AGAIN when I noticed I could hear him crying listening to our old songs. I started to cry and then he purposely started to play songs back to back. I sent a message saying this was pointless I was worried for him missed him and our dog, that we both had stuff to work on on ourselves and for and with eachother but why spend another night crying alone. Well all of a sudden he screams F*** OFF and turns up music.
I have not sent anything now in last 12 hours, I am a mess. I keep telling myself it has been a huge mind game since beginning, but other part is holding onto this hope. I keep saying he needs space, he has not grieved properly yet, and he has all the facts, apologies, and all that is left is time. But then I start to think and I worry he wont ever say goodbye, he said once in this that he said hed never be with someone and now he has gone silent, he even ignores me when we are out with dogs same time, I see him sitting there online all hours, but my message is not viewed.
SOOOO HELP??!! Is this a lost cause? DO I go NC? Was me writing the letters and sleeping with someone worse than what he did in past and then during break up ? I am utterly lost and want to feel less insane. I read forums and stuff all day for past two weeks. I cant seem to handle NC not knowing the outcome, but have this voice saying walk away he has messed with you long enough.
What do you think I should do ?

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 13, 2016 at 9:24 pm

Hi Dreaming of the past,

Let’s say you don’t do nc.. What do you plan to do?

Adrena

April 11, 2016 at 1:53 pm

really love your article here… it has helped me see insight into why my ex is the way he is.. … maybe you could help me!! Long story short, dated a guy 12 years younger than me, we have a child together, his laziness, disloyal ways and not helping me when I was suffering from post-partum depression after our son was born ultimately led to our breakup. And its sprinkled with violence on top which makes it extra special! So I kicked him out last Feb in 2015 and we have seen each other 3 times since then. One week in April to which I had to kick him out again, violence! Then in Aug 2014 and Feb 2016 on his court date I last saw him. From Feb 2015 to June 2015 I basically begged him to come home and be with his family and to no avail because he didn’t care and kept blowing me off. So in Aug 2015 he decides he wants to try to make things work between us. So I get calls no JOKE atleast 20 times a day and text messages on Facebook, Skype, messages from everywhere about how sorry he is and how he wants his family back and how hes gonna make everything right between us. I was still traumatized from when he was last in my life but I admitted that I still loved him and I wanted it to work out too. So I said it would be on my terms as he is a liar and a cheater, I said you need counseling, medication for your depression and he would have to wait one year by 2017 we could be together. So the last week in January of 2016 I couldn’t really talk to him, he threatened to kill himself 5 times, and was constantly asking me to be with him 20 times a day or more. “get back together with me, be mine, I love you, I’m sorry, I can’t live without you… if you won’t be mine ill kill myself.” So the last week in Jan 2016 I cut him off. So I finally get my anxiety and mind cooled down from all the pressure he put on me for 5 months. I get enough courage to call him and 5 mins into the convo hes talking about another girl, his age. For the next month he sends me picture of them together which were “accidents”. I ask, are you two having sex, for the whole month he denies it, “no, we are friends and we aren’t having sex you weirdo.” Okay one month later I tell him, I still love you, that never changed, I wanted u to get help for your violent nature and get help for all the messed up stuff that happened to u as a child… he confesses that hes been having sex with this girl for a month, not to mention that he has been telling me that he wanted to be back with his family the whole time! Betrayed again, we weren’t in a relationship but we agreed to be together when the time I allotted was right. Soooo hes been with her and hes said some really down right vile things to me, as I am the mother of his child he never respected me! He saw what happened with my firstborns father, I had to cut him outta my life because he would say some foul things to me that I never deserved. He said he would call me yesterday when he got outta the shower… that was at 8am no call back, then he tells me to call him real quick a likw 2:30 pm, I do. He says “I love you..” Then hangs up… come to find out he was over a her house for her birthday weekend with her family and everything. He was at her house when I called him… the night before he was calling me 10 times telling me he loves me and he wants his family back, meanwhile posting stuff to his facebook of what him and her will be doing together. Why is he doing this to me? Why is he playing with me? Why does he try to hurt me? Why is he playing with my heart again, and again? Why is trying to make me suffer like this… I did do a lot of yelling when I was pregnant because we were bringing a life into this backward world and I knew what the cost was. Why is he playing games with me? I NEVER text him. I NEVER call him! I never message him, no contact. He calls me! He texts me! Why? I told him in Feb 2016 I still loved him but I won’t cater to his games. I called him this morning and asked him to explain his confession of love to me… “Im not explaining sh*t!” That was his response and I hung up on him. Why is he playing with me? Cant he see theres more at stake than how we feel. I need to be mentally sound and being hounded by a 20 yr old ex and im 32 with two kids is very off putting to who I am trying to become after the breakup LAST YEAR! What tips can I use to tell him I love him but leave me alone?! Please help me! Please. I hearing to different things on what I should do from my close friends, what does it sound like to you?

Adrena

April 11, 2016 at 3:24 pm

you made it seem so simple… why is it so hard? Thanks for the advice!
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 13, 2016 at 8:10 am

🙂 You’re welcome!
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 11, 2016 at 2:56 pm

Hi Adrena,

tell him you loved him and thank hi. for the good memories and the bad ones that have taught you, but you love and respect yourself and you want to be a good example to your kids..

and then just let him be..live your life

rachel werner

April 8, 2016 at 11:20 pm

my boyfriend and i had been dating for 4 months he was so into me constantly telling me he was into me and he told me i was “the one” and he couldn’t see a future without me. he would even let it slip that he loved me sometimes. He made me feel safe he introduced me to all of his friends and family and i got along with everyone especially his family! one wednesday night we went to a bar with all of his friends and after i was dropping him off and we just started to hookup in the car. before i left he told me to not hold back with him and let myself fall in love with him and i told him ok that i would let go of all my fears for him. he works all weekends and had a big test to study for so we just texted during that time and i got to see him on the next Wednesday at the library we studied together i will admit i was a bit cold with him because when i met up with him he was laughing with friends instead of studying and he had made it a point that he was extremely stressed for this test so i thought it was weird he was talking to friends and not studying. i went home that night and we were fine until Friday out of nowhere he broke up with me through text on Friday telling me he had no time for me he was busy with school, work, and that he didn’t even have time for himself which to me is BS because we make time to see the people we want to see i asked him several times to meet up with me so that we could talk in person but he kept telling me he was busy and i saw on social media that he was not busy. so i ended writing all of my feelings in a letter and i drove to him and gave it to him. he told me that he was into me he just didnt have the time he also told me that he would call or text me after he read the letter and he never did its been 8 days and i have not contacted him. i don’t know what went wrong… his mother called me to say his whole family was upset with him and the mother said that he said that he was still into me and liked me a lot but thought he was just to busy for me and couldn’t give me the attention i needed. the mother still wants me to go to his sisters wedding but i politely declined. i want him back he’s a great guy i don’t know why he did this one minute he’s telling me to let go and fall in love with him and the next he just broke up with me out of nowhere with no explanation besides that he has no time. i also still have his things and he hasn’t even contacted me to get them back. please give me some advice i really need it this is my first time using this website

rachel werner

April 10, 2016 at 3:55 pm

i’ve been keeping myself busy with the gym last night i went out with friends and he ended up being there and he was with some other chick…. but at the bar he almost got into a fight because a guy kept trying to dance with me i said no and he pushed the guy and the guy threw his beer at him i had fun with my girls last night i didn’t hookup or dance with any guys despite him dancing with another girl. do you think the fight means something like if he still cares? a girl i was with told me he said he wasn’t over me but how could he be with this other chick if he isn’t over me im so confused
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 11, 2016 at 7:30 am

that means he’s not serious with her.. just dating around.
rachel werner

April 8, 2016 at 11:29 pm

also i’m in process of NC with him but for how long do you think i should do this? And should i post stuff on social media like me going out and stuff or should i just go ghost on it and let him wonder what im doing?
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 9, 2016 at 1:19 pm

Hi Rachel,

doing nc means being active for yourself…Not just stopping to contact him…Go out and do new things or activities you have been putting off, have a make over, meet with friends, workout, and yes post in social media but don’t caption that you’re doing it for him..just make it a normal post..

Do you think your library group study was the reason he broke up with you?

anon

April 6, 2016 at 5:24 am

hi chris, guy & I were in a ldr for close to 3 months and he abruptly called it off. We continued talking once every 1-2 weeks because he said he wants to be friends. He used to send me mixed signals like wishing me on valentine’s, reassuring me to not read into things when he’s busy, telling me it feels like longer than a year since ive known him. but for the last month he barely initiates conversation anymore, its mostly me. he’s juggling work and study and I know he took up a new project. It was his birthday recently, I wanted to call him and wish him but he told me he didnt feel like talking on the phone because he wants to focus on studying and isnt in the mood. But he spoke to me normally on text and didnt seem to harbour negative feelings. I felt a bit offended he rejected taking my call. He’s coming back to town for good in a couple of months and I want it to work out. Should i begin no contact? Will it work even though it seems like he doesnt care and its been a while?

anon

April 10, 2016 at 11:30 am

Thanks Amor, I’ll keep you posted!
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 11, 2016 at 4:59 am

You’re welcome 🙂
anon

April 10, 2016 at 5:22 am

Hey Amor, I’ve decided to take some space for myself and like you said rebuild my life. I’ll take his word that he’s just busy and he had told me he’ll speak to me when he’s free. I think i’ve constantly been trying to communicate with him the last few months, so I’ll pull back and give him the chance to speak to me. Based on your experience, do you think he would reach out if I back off?
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 10, 2016 at 10:50 am

More likely yes.
anon

April 9, 2016 at 3:49 am

but thanks amor 🙂 just wanted to know if i should give space
anon

April 9, 2016 at 12:50 am

does this mean chances of getting back with him are on the low side?
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 9, 2016 at 1:49 pm

for now it looks like it’s not the right time
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 8, 2016 at 12:24 pm

Hi,
Try to focus more in yourself right now instead of waiting up for him.. He’s busy with life, take this time to build your own life too for yourself.. knce he’s back, let things naturally fall into place by slowly rebuilding the friendship..if he texts or calls whiles he’s away take it to maintain connection but set aside going back together for now

Girlie

April 4, 2016 at 9:44 am

Hi Amor,

Thank you for your reply! So should I just continue NC?
Really appreciate your reply. Thanks again

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 4, 2016 at 2:53 pm

you’re welcome! yes you should, unless he really says that he wants to mend things

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 4, 2016 at 4:57 am

Hi Girlie,

that means he misses you..
Rebecca

March 30, 2016 at 11:39 pm

Hi Chris! My ex and I broke up mutually about a month and a half ago (I technically broke up with him because he didn’t have any time but he agreed, we’re juniors in college). During the relationship he was crazy about me and kept calling me perfect, but he just had so much going on that I didn’t feel the relationship was the best. I really connect with him and care about him. After breaking up, we both did no contact for a little over a month, but we work together so I tried to just be nice and friendly but wanted my space to move on. Immediately after the breakup he would run away from me in public and seemed uncomfortable around me at work. But after about two weeks he started to invade my space and started becoming way too friendly and playful at work, to the point where I felt upset that he wasn’t acting like I was his ex but instead a close friend. He texted me a week ago and we had a really amazing conversation for five hours until 1 in the morning, he sent me multiple texts in a row, asked me questions he already knew answers to, and sent the occasional winky face (which I didn’t reciprocate) then he just disappeared, even though I got a notification that he commented on a photo we are both in after he stopped responding, and then he never texted me back after that. We saw each other again at work and he was really friendly and playful again, so I decided to snapchat with him and he would respond immediately until he just dropped off the face of the earth again. Why is he doing this? Is he already completely over the breakup? We dated for about three months, which isn’t very long but I feel like timing just cut us way too short. I do want him back but I feel like now he just doesn’t care at all. So is it that he doesn’t care and is completely good being close friends with me? Or is it that he’s playing a mind game/trying to get me back? Thanks!

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 3, 2016 at 9:33 am

Hi Rebecca,

Take things slow. If he doesn’t reply. Let him be for a few days before trying to initiate contact and then observe. If this goes for another month, then try to move on because that means it’s either he’s undecided or he really doesn’t want a serious relationship

Vivian

March 30, 2016 at 3:34 pm

Hello there, I’ve finished no contact and is currently in contact my ex. Texting has been fine and very positive and we’ve also shared a short phone call and that was positive too.

However recently he started to do this thing where he would wait over half a day to reply to my messages when he’s received them. This isn’t really ghosting because he IS replying, but just deliberately taking a long time to do so and when he does reply, the replies are positive ones. He might be trying to get a reaction but what should I do because if I continue to pursue him when he doesn’t reply I might come across as desperate and needy (which was one of the main problems that caused the breakup).

So what should I to in response to this? Because with the late replies and things it’s hard to create a open conversation and connection!

Thanks a lot!
Vivian

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 1, 2016 at 3:57 pm

Sorry for the late repy Vivian! That’s ok because you’ve got into texting already.. As long as he replies positively, I think you should try to transition to calls the next time he replies

Elle

March 28, 2016 at 11:55 am

I broke up last year with my bf. Of course I still love him, he was the one who broke ul with me. I was okay right away saying I believe in fate bla blaa but deep down I was really heartbroken. We had NC for awhile then he texted me asking if I’m okay cos he had a bad dream about me and he cried. I’m not sure if it’s subtle hint or what, but he told me in the dream he felt bad for giving up so fast and he said part of his dream he really experienced but part of it were just plain fabrication of his mind. I’m not really sure to believe that so I only responded saying I’m doing fine and thanks for the heads up, I’ll be more careful. Then it ended there. Went for NC again for about 3 months, and I got a misscall from him. Called him back and he said he didn’t call, probably he just clicked it, he was unaware of that. Not sure to believe that or what cos we had no contact for 3months. Regardless I told him if he ever need help let me know and we had good conversation. Next day I contacted him asking about some question about electrical things, the conv didn’t pace up like the other day. So I just read his msg without reply. Then he asked me question so I had to answer it. I answered in a lengthy messages then he just read it, no reply until today. Yes, I didn’t ask a question back but could he just be nice and reply okay instead of doing the ghosted conversation thing. The point is what he wants? I still want him but I don’t think he wants me back cos we had like 3months NC but then he came back but it was NC again. I don’t understand.

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 3, 2016 at 4:32 am

Hi Elle,

Have you been talking again?

Vivian

March 26, 2016 at 8:44 am

Hello there, I’ve finished no contact and is currently in contact my ex. Texting has been fine and very positive and we’ve also shared a short phone call and that was positive too.

However recently he started to do this thing where he would wait over half a day to reply to my messages when he’s received them. This isn’t really ghosting because he IS replying, but just deliberately taking a long time to do so and when he does reply, the replies are positive ones. He might be trying to get a reaction but what should I do because if I continue to pursue him when he doesn’t reply I might come across as desperate and needy (which was one of the main problems that caused the breakup).

So what should I to in response to this? Because with the late replies and things it’s hard to create a open conversation and connection!

Thanks a lot!
Vivian

Vivian

April 5, 2016 at 8:45 am

After the first date the late reply got a little better! But he’s still deliberately waiting after he has received my message then replying after a few hours. Why might he be doing this? And what should I do? should I just ignore it? Because it annoys me sometimes.

Also! I have a good event lined up that can turn out to be a group date for the second meet up. But the problem is that after that we both have an exam period coming up! So I don’t know if I can successfully ask him out on the romantic dates. should I wait until exams are over? (That’s 2 months! And he would have graduated then so o_o but I don’t want to seem desperate and bother him because stress from school was one of the thing that triggered the break up) if not, what should I do?

Thank you so much for your help!

Vivian
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 5, 2016 at 11:15 am

if you get annoyed, it will get worse.. you’ll lose chances you might have… don’t push the romantic date if it looks forced.. just a casual meetup but fun is better than a romantic date
Vivian

April 2, 2016 at 7:33 am

That’s okay! Thanks Amor!

I’ve had the first date with him! It was just a casual lunch.
I think i did quite well, I felt great and we had good normal conversations and kept it short and light.
Him on the other hand, had his moments where he acted a little awkward. Sometimes he would say a chain of things about himself out of nowhere – it’s like he’s got a list of things he would normally tell me when they happened whilst we were together but couldn’t and is now saying them all at once. lol

Do I just carry on with the text/call after the date and carry on to slowly build more attraction?

Thanks so much!
Vivian
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 4, 2016 at 5:31 am

yep! carry on again until you next meet up 😉
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 1, 2016 at 3:57 pm

Sorry for the late repy Vivian! That’s ok because you’ve got into texting already.. As long as he replies positively, I think you should try to transition to calls the next time he replies

Sam

March 25, 2016 at 4:11 pm

Hi Amor,
We broke up over 3 months ago now. I did NC, then starting texting him, at first it was going great, then he stopped texting me first, then stopped replying. So I didnt contact him for about a week, then he starts being all flirty and teasing me, and saying we should hang out and that I should text him. (And I know that it is about flirtattraction, not flirtation- I have read ALL the articles haha:) )
Before I stopped contacting him, I wasnt texting him everyday or anything, so I dont think that that would have shocked him into this behaviour.
Anyways, any insight into what he could be thinking, or to if i should stayed pulled back for a little while would be great!
Thanks

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 2, 2016 at 9:36 am

Hi Sam,

sorry for the late reply.. You can reply casually to him, you can start with asking how is he is or replying in humour what you can’t say directly to him

Lisa

March 23, 2016 at 3:11 pm

I was with my ex for 2 years we work together.
We met in work and instantly was attracted to each other and wanted to be together.
I helped him get a place and stayed over alot, i did not move in as we was not together long and wanted to make sure it would work.
Anyways long story short, we went on holiday in December, it was amazing we had a great time, we did not row just chilled and was so good, we looked at engagement rings and i tried one on and he even took my ring size down on his phone.

We said we would move in together in Feb/March together his room mate wanted him gone so he was looking at flats and i looked too but it seems to be all he did and i got bored of looking but i was accused of not being interested, he went on holiday in Jan and we had some time apart said he missed me etc, i picked him up from the airport and i was so happy to see him i cuddled him so hard..
Anyways in late Jan i sent a pic of me in bath of a bloated belly saying i got something to tell you… he kept ringing but i was in bath and i couldnt answer.. i called back and said i was joking he did not find it funny so i apolgoised (we did this before but guess he did not get the joke) few days went past so i called him we spoke for an hour and thought things were sorted.

From me sending the picture a month later still nothing, but within the month he told me he loved me, was texting me as if we was still together, asking for my opinion on furniture for his place, put his cold hands up my top, told me he misses sex, pulled me to him at work and made me slow dance with him, so i thought there was something to save i called, texted left voicemails i did this on weekends as i did not want to bring personal life into work and i got nothing back apart from the first week after i sent the picture he was angry that i did not help him move in etc.. but after that nothing he has blocked me..

When we had a phone call when it all started he said he needed a break so i texted and said let me know if you want to be with me or not and that was 7 weeks ago, his flirting with me doing all this stuff the first month and i left a voicemail on 20th Feb and said look are we together or not? i want to sort this out, lets meet and talk even to know what i did so bad for you to ignore me and hate me… i did a 4 minute voicemail and said i dont hear from you within 48 hours i presume u dont want to know me, i did this voicemail at 11am on Saturday he ignored but at midnight i noticed he blocked me, why wait all day and night and block me at midnight? since then he hasnt spoken to me about personal stuff.
But in work he talks to me about things i don’t really need to know about..

He would say you shouldn’t feel a cold draft now i sorted it all or he would come to my window bang on it and says its cold outside walk past with food and stand outside my door look at me and eat and i say whats that he will come back to my window and show me.
I told him i don’t want to be friends as i want more
I got lunch for everyone but did not ask him as to be honest he hasn’t spoken to me in 7 weeks so i am trying to do the same… anyways i got food he stressed as i did not get him anymore and said to his mate your alright your little lover sorted your food out.. is that jealousy?
I am doing the no contact rule i started it the day after i left my last voicemail and haven’t spoke to him since until he talks to me about work…
Yesterday was 30th day of NC / Limited contact due to work.
We haven’t seen each other for 2 weeks, he went on a stag do and i went away Monday was first time back, i walked in and my ex and another guy in work and i just say hello and both say Hi back.
I walk out the office to another office outside and when i come back into my office, my ex car was directly in front of me so i had to look forward and he was looking at me but on the phone, so before we both went away he was doing the unnecessary work talk and i would reply but kept it short – he is out alot for work but when he is in we don’t talk.. Is this just because we haven’t seen each other in a while… he has blocked me on whats app and Facebook too.
I really want him back but don’t think he has a chance to miss me as we work at same company but thought me being away for week would of helped.. but he hasn’t contacted me.
2 months since the row, he did say something is working between us so i said do you want to break up, he said im not saying i want to break up then he does the month of flirting telling me loves me etc so i fight ring/text/voicemail and nothing. So i took a stand and stopped haven’t contacted him, avoid him at work but he talks to me.
He was in the army for 10 years and im his first gf whilst not being the army, being in the army you can be away for months so never had a full time girlfriend which i told him… do you think he will ever realize and unblock and talk to me.

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 1, 2016 at 1:16 pm

HI Lisa,

How are things now? Keep the mystery by improving yourself and keeping distance but you can start to be friendly since you’re after no contact, just don’t’ overdo it. A good morning and good night will do and then spend time with other coworkers. Talk to other co-workers and explore other activities after or before work or during weekends and be active in posting it.

Ariel

March 21, 2016 at 9:32 pm

Ok so I found that my boyfriend was acting like he didn’t love me so I went off him an told him that I don’t need him. He began posting sad quotes on instgram pertaining to what I said. I felt bad so I began to apologize cuz I didn’t mean to hurt him. He ignored me for a few days then when out for dinner for his bday he held my hand played with it and everything after he dropped me home he messages me an said gnight baby you enjoyed urself ? I replied I got no mssgs from him till Tuesdays when I contacted him to collect something so again I went off on him asking him why he’s treating me like he doesn’t care. He complained about the long mssgs an said let’s take a break cause he’s not feeling anything between us an that I could move on if I wish but he wants to take a break. I gave him a week in which he liked a pic a posted on Instagram so at the end of the week I asked him what was going on with us he said he honestly doesn’t know so I said maybe we should talk he agreed to it an said he in person. When I asked him where n when he didn’t reply then I said ok so u don’t want to talk? He said end of month or sum. Sum days later I had an event I asked him if he wanted to meet me after he replied an said he had a hike I asked where he told me. 3 days later I messaged him to tell him about my event he didn’t open the message. That was Sunday… By Wednesday I got fed up n I said u wanna talk but u don’t care enough to open my mssg? An I told him I couldn’t keep going through this an getting played an I thought we could have gone thru anything an that I’d move on. The same day he read it which was the Wednesday he post a status on fb it was a song about a girl riding his dick. Which I assume he put there to ruffle my feathers. On Sunday he posts another song but only with the lyrics lord save her for me…I assume more more games,,, I am on day 6 of the no contact rule what’s going on with this man?

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 28, 2016 at 7:59 am

Hi Ariel,

that’s good that you’re doing nc.. let him be l, he posts it because maybe he thinks you’re still chasing and he’s trying to piss you off

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