Lately I’ve noticed a lot of women asking a variation of the same question,
Chris what the heck do I do if things seem to be going great when I am texting my ex but then he just stops responding?
The truth is that I was actually asked this on a Facebook Live I did within the Private Facebook Group yesterday and I kind of drew a blank.
I hate it when that happens because there are like 25 women on watching and dissecting my every move.
And all I could come up with was a measly,
Be more interesting
So, last night and the better part of this morning it just stuck with me and I knew I had to do better.
That’s when I got a voicemail from a woman named Melody.
As it turns out melody asked the same exact question.
Chris, what do I do if my ex is unresponsive?
And so I answered and I feel pretty good about my answer.
Check it out!
What I Talk About In This Episode
- Long distance relationships
- How my experience with them impacted me
- A funny story about my past
- Why an ex really becomes unresponsive
- What to do if he becomes unresponsive
- How to avoid it from happening again to you
Kelly
February 7, 2018 at 5:30 am
Hey guys!
I had to move to a new state for graduate school this past August (it was the only school I got into, so I didn’t have a choice & I was really upset about having to move so far away from my family & friends) & met my now-ex boyfriend right off the bat. He was a senior graduating in December & he basically showed me everything the town had to offer/was my only good friend for awhile (I have more now & I joined a club on campus so I promise I’m not wallowing alone in my room anymore) I felt much better about being in a new place because of him, & felt like I was sent there for a reason. I knew he was still kind of hung up on this girl who cheated on him 7 months prior to meeting me. They had dated for almost 3 years & sort of lived together since neither had lived on campus; it was obvious that she had really broken his heart, but when I asked if I was a rebound (which I did ask twice because I’m paranoid) he said he would never go back to her after what she did & that he’d hooked up with other girls in between so those random hook ups were the rebounds, not me. He asked me to be his girlfriend about one month in & then seemed to be really excited for me to meet his family. And I met his ENTIRE family (both sets of grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, freakin neighbors). He was always down to meet up in public, I brought him lunch to his part-time job a lot, he bought me stuff, he fixed my taillights, car radiator, & my broken car keys. He also made a lot of long term plans with me like spending a weekend together over summer vacation at this theme park where he could get a free hotel & talked about how I would have to visit him every weekend once he graduated & moved out of town. One day, 2 months into the relationship, we went to a pumpkin patch where one of his ex girlfriends friends saw us together. His ex contacted him via another friends phone number (her own number was blocked) & told him how much she still loved & missed him. He didn’t try to hide the texts from me & read me all that she had sent. He seemed to really revel in the fact that she was clearly jealous, & I took pride in it, thinking that he was happy & proud of being with me instead of her. Afterwards, things got weird & kind of tense. She started showing up everywhere when we were out together, & when he saw her, he got snappy with me for little stupid things (one thing that bothered him was my driving & me not knowing the towns roads like um…obviously not I just moved there) & he started getting quieter & quieter. One night he got a job offer in another town about 40 minutes away, & on the same night he crashed his motorcycle that he had worked really hard to fix up over the summer. That weekend was crazy for me (being a grad student & all) so I didn’t get to talk or see him much. On that Sunday he invited me to his grandparents dinner to discuss if he should take the job or not. It was not as much money as he was hoping to make, but one of his cousins worked there & encouraged him to take it. I did too, since it was only 40 min away from campus & it was even on the way home for me. I thought it was the universe really falling into place. It was obvious, however, that he wasn’t thrilled about “settling” for this job. I told him that he didn’t have to take it and I wasn’t trying to pressure him (I had broken up with my ex from undergrad because of distance and moving on to further my own career, so I totally understood his point-of-view), he could hold out for more, or he could take it just for now & move on to better things later, but his family ended up convincing him. He seemed in a worse mood after that, saying that he wasn’t making future career decisions based on me. I tried to make it clear that I understood, & that I wasn’t going to hold on to him if an amazing opportunity opened up where I couldn’t follow. However, the job he took was in a place that I could easily follow, and was actually sort of convenient for me. That next week, I had 2 huge tests & couldn’t come to his place to hang out, even though he was texting about how much he missed me & wished I could be there. I finally came over for an hour on Wednesday & since his back still hurt from the motorcycle crash, I brought him hot chocolate. Everything seemed normal & we started kissing, when he abruptly stopped & started staring at the TV. I asked him what was wrong & he said he was wondering if we should be together. Now this week had been HELL for me: I was in a huge fight with my friends from home, my 16 year old cat was sick, I felt like I didn’t have any friends in my new program & I was super lonely, etc etc etc. I had told him all of this on top of my midterms that I was taking THE DAY AFTER. So understandably, I’m upset when he says this & when I calmly ask him what he meant he shrugged & said “I don’t know.” After trying some more to get him to elaborate, with him continuing to twiddle his thumbs, I calmly (I reiterate “calmly” because I didn’t yell, scream, cuss at him, or cry) left his apartment & said I had to go study. Later that same night, I called & told him I was sorry for leaving & asked if he wanted to talk the next day. He said that he did not want to break up, but that I had just shown him a “side he didn’t know about or like”. Now, again, I was the chilliest girl in the world when I left his apartment & I had literally nothing to apologize for. He agreed to meet up again after my tests. So the next night, I go back to his apartment where he’s in a shittier mood than the night before. And this sucks, because I didn’t want to cry in front of him, but I cried after asking him point blank if he wanted to break up with me & he AGAIN said “I don’t know, kind of”. But it wasn’t hysterical crying in any way & all I did after that was try to get to the root of the issue, because I literally DID NOT see this coming and could not IMAGINE living in that town without him, because I never really had. For 4 hours (during which he told me he wasn’t over his ex & that he had had a better connection with her than me – I responded that we hadn’t been dating for NEARLY as long & that it was dumb to compare a 3-month relationship to a 3-year one; he repeated that he was only just thinking about her, but would never go back to her, and that he liked me but didn’t see it going anywhere) he was wishy washy with me until he finally asked me to leave so he could think about what he wanted to do. I calmly left & then texted him later saying goodnight & that I hoped he felt better. The next morning, he texted to say he wanted to break up AFTER HE HAD SO MANY OPPORTUNITIES TO SAY IT TO MY FACE. Anyway, for 3 weeks we kind of back & forth texted & fought with each other, with me always initiating it. A few days after the break up I told him how much I missed him & didn’t understand what happened. I never begged for him back, all I asked him for was closure and answers. He was very emotionally disconnected which broke my heart & made me extremely frustrated. I was in a very bad place & for 2 months would text him whenever I got lonely and desperate to tell him what a jerk he was to me, none of which he ever responded to. Eventually I found myself in a better place over winter break & texted him saying sorry for all that I said & that I forgave him too & hoped he loved his new job. Again, never texted back & blocked me on Snapchat (nowhere else though which is odd). Now, I haven’t texted him for a little over a month & this guy has little to no social media presence, I never friended any of his relatives on Facebook, & I only met like 4 of his friends who are all graduated now. I social-media stalked the ex who cheated on him & I see they never got back together. Like I mentioned before I’ve made new friends & have gone out & flirted with other men since this. I’ve focused on my studies, getting closer to God, & ya girl even got a boob job over break, but I can’t stop thinking about him, I really thought he was the one. We were compatible in a lot of ways and liked a lot of the same things, but he swore up & down that we weren’t connecting (he told me before that he has attachment issues because his parents abused him, so I get that he doesn’t connect to people as easily as I would). It feels even weirder since it’s like I’m living in his hometown, which is still pretty foreign to me. Literallllly guys, what do I do???
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 8, 2018 at 6:15 pm
That’s good that you did a lot of those, and physically improving yourself but what about activities that help you grow in terms of skills and relationship with other people? And if even you’re blocked in Snapchat, did you do the kind of posts that just stays in your account publicly like in FB or Instagram?
Vicky
December 26, 2017 at 9:32 pm
My ex broke up with me 2 weeks ago. Initially he told me he was unsure whether he wanted a relationship and needed time to think, at first he was lovely, reassuring me he still cares for me it was just a case of timing and wanted to stay in contacts whilst he figured things out. But I pressured him into making decision, the more I text the more annoyed he got and ended things. Initially I tried to change his mind and eventually he stopped responding to me. I started NC 2 weeks ago. Today he deleted me off all social media, I tried to talk to him but he read my messages and did not respond. I don’t know what this means and what I should do about it?
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 28, 2017 at 1:25 am
Hi Vicky,
He regained his power over you by not responding…. Restart nc, stick to it, be active in posting..just make them public..
Vicky
December 26, 2017 at 5:08 pm
Hi,
My ex told me he didn’t know if he wanted to be in a relationship, instead of giving him space I pressured him into making a decision and he ended things. I made the mistake of texting him trying to change his mind, he was lovely about it to begin with and said he wanted to stay in contact but the more I text the more annoyed he got until eventually he just ignored me. I started NC 2 weeks ago and then out of nowhere he deleted me off all social media. I don’t know what this means and I don’t know what to do about it? I’m worried that he has moved on and its his way of saying he doesn’t want me in his life. I tried to contact him but he has ignored me.
Lis
December 21, 2017 at 9:10 pm
No I did not send those pict. to him personally. I just share via my Whatsapp story. So he can see it because we have our numbers each other. And now I initited contact 2 times giving a week space but both of them are readed and not responsed by him. I didnot send follow up text but appearently he wouldnt answer my texts never so I dont wantto text him after 2 week because it makes me worse when he didnt response. I am planing to stop sharing story post and block him on whatsapp so that he can know I m not there waiting for him and chasing. Obivusly seing me all the time on Whatsapp Story doesnt want him to contact me just make him forget me easily. Any advice ? He is full of ego.
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 25, 2017 at 9:13 pm
Hi Lis,
don’t worry a lot of girls do it. I hope you didn’t send an emotional text… I think you need to restart nc, do 30 days, and do more of posts that doesn’t disappear after 24 hours.. if you blocked him, make your posts public.. It looks like he has moved on, so he has to think that by the point you initiate contact again, you’re either moving on or has moved on too and just being friendly because he saw it through your posts.. Don’t say in your first text that you just want to be friends or you’re just being friendly.. just do it, don’t say it..
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 20, 2017 at 5:46 pm
he has moved on, and what you’re doing shows to him that you haven’t.. if you’re going to do nc, don’t attend the meet ups for now, or do a separate one with your closest friends in the group..
Rachel
December 20, 2017 at 10:30 am
Hello everyone,
I’ve been in an on and off relationship for a very long time. We had a two year gap and got back together. Again he broke up with me because he thought I’m being too possessive. I always begged and tried to talk him through every time.
This time after gnatting I decided to go nc because he was not even interested to talk.
I was in the middle of nc and we saw each other at a friend’s wedding. I tried to avoid looking at him. I was fun and confident all the time. He came to talk a few times i simply replied but did not stay for a conversation. He looked hurt and told his friends that she didn’t even talk to me properly and it probably won’t ever work out.
I’m afraid if i have done something wrong ?
I thought I’m killing the nc, posting pictures going out having fun.
Will he think its over for good and will he move on?
Please help i don’t know what to do.
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 20, 2017 at 9:52 pm
Hi Rachel,
You’re over thinking.. Focus in continuing improving yourself and being active in posting and then continue that after nc while you slowly rebuild rapport
Lis
December 16, 2017 at 3:50 pm
Hey, I did comment a lot but non of them got published an answered. So I hope that one wont be one of them. I am 22 and He is 27 My bf and I dated 3 years lots of the time LDR and we were about 4 months in a LDR again. He broke up me 23 day ago by saying that he tired of my limitations ( I had problem when he go out with hşs friends especiaaly the group that contains girsl.) and tired of our fights from the reason he is very busy with his job. So he said that he cannot meet my need and cannot focus on our very intense relationship. And he said that it will end like my parents’ relationships ended. (They got divorced when he is little.) I asked him Dont you love me? He said not I used to before. And he said he have some trust issue because of the fact that I doubted my ex bf for him. He said he cannot get over this issue at his mind. So I said okay. After 21 days NC I kept posting some cool stuff that I am doing and he showed them because I sahred them at whatsapp. I initated the contact with a text say that: ” I discovered a tea brand ( I said the name) that taste like the one we used to love to drink, I thought youre gonna like it I think you should try.” He read the text but never unswer. I didnot text him again I will wait for about 1 week Today is 4 th day. I am feeling that he wont answer my next text because he thought that if he talked to me I got his guard down and he afraid of it. What should I do you think? I need some advice please.
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 20, 2017 at 5:16 pm
Hi Lis,
what was the email add you used in your previous comments? Because there’s no other comment in this one. When you said you shared in Whats app, you mean you sent it to him personally? If yes, that’s the wrong way.. Restart nc, do at least 30 days, do public posts that doesn’t disappear in 24 hours in Facebook and Instagram.. It has to be indirect, so that you look like you’re moving on, and not just changing for him and making him see it.
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 15, 2017 at 2:29 pm
Hi Shell,
When did you break up
K.
December 15, 2017 at 12:39 pm
Hello again,
I think some progress has occured – one day, he sat next to me, but didn’t say anything and I didn’t initiate a conversation either, because it was during a lecture. However, at the end of the lecture, he looked at me and I smiled at him. He smiled back and asked me “what?”, but in a friendly manner, to which I replied “nothing, I’m just in a good mood”. He didn’t walk out of the room as quickly as he could at the end of the lecture and decided to wait for me instead. We had a brief chat during which we joked a bit.
Yesterday, we didn’t have a chance to speak to each other because we are in different groups when it comes to some other lecture. Still, when he was leaving the room, he approached me and wished me good luck. As for today, there was a single free seat next to him, so I went with it, sat there and initiated a conversation – we ended up chatting and joking A LOT – he even mentioned some inside joke that only we know about. After the lecture, he waited for me again (I could tell – he was already dressed and could leave the room at any moment, whereas I was still putting on my coat) and, surprisingly, he took a longer route to the parking lot where he usually parks and continued our chat. I can say that there’s still some tension, as he generally avoids talking to me when I’m with my friends and when he finally starts talking, he either jokes or sticks with safe topics (uni stuff, funny stories, etc.), but there’s finally some communication between us. So thank you a lot for your advice, because it made me much more relaxed about initiating conversations and I wasn’t scared at all while talking to him. I even dropped some non-intrusive updates regarding my life and was the first one to end the conversation – before leaving, I said “I’d gladly tell you more, but I have to go now. Drive safely and see you around!”.
I know it will take some time to build rapport and the best thing to do now is to progress without rushing anything, but how could I make him open up a little bit more? I don’t expect him to change into an eager speaker overnight and if he needs some more time, that’s fine. Nevertheless, is there a way to subtly encourage him to stay in touch?
Thank you A LOT,
K.
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 15, 2017 at 6:08 pm
check this links:
The Most Effective Text Messages To Send To Your Ex Boyfriend
How To Keep Him Engaged While Texting
Texting An Ex Boyfriend (The New Rules)
smile
December 15, 2017 at 1:56 am
Hey I completed the no contact and texted my ex. He responded and then I replied. Since then, theres been no response on his end. Its been about 3 days already. We are supposed to call each other in 5 days.
1. Do you think I should send him another message or wait until speak to him?
2. Also, what should I do if he doesn’t call?
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 15, 2017 at 5:06 pm
Hi Smile,
check this one:
The Stages of Not Getting a Text Back From Your Ex and How to Survive Them
amy
December 12, 2017 at 8:48 am
Amor
thank you for responding!
I will tell him I need space and good bye for now! and I don’t tell him the time duration right!
do I apologize or say something else or just a simple goodbye!
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 14, 2017 at 11:27 am
Sorry I wasn’t clear… Just tell him goodbye..I meant for now only for you
.. Dont apologize. He has to think youre really moviing on
amy
December 11, 2017 at 11:06 am
amor
thank you for helping out! I don’t mean to pester u!
tell me how do I deal with him texting or calling me? do I talk to him or ignore him?
any help would be appreciated!
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 12, 2017 at 5:28 am
That’s alright..That means you have to say goodbye for now to him if he texts you..so you can have a clean slate..and then ignore if he texts again
K.
December 11, 2017 at 10:46 am
Hi, thank you a lot for your reply. However, wouldn’t it be chasing if I tried to initiate conversations in this situation? He didn’t seem to want to talk to me and, like I said, he did anything he could to avoid me, so I also wouldn’t like to disturb him somehow or appear desperate. Hope it makes sense.
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 13, 2017 at 1:06 am
make it natural.. if he sits besides you, initiate or if you happen to stand in line next to each other..
K.
December 11, 2017 at 9:31 am
Hi again. Since I didn’t receive any message from him during the NC period, I decided to extend it by 15 days. I do know that the more I do NC, the less effective it is, but I made this decision based on his recent behavior and my knowledge about his personality (he’s not the one to make the first move). So last week, right after 30 days had passed, he started approaching me and talking to me (still very awkwardly) about some minor stuff. I kept being friendly and even made him follow me right after I finished talking to him and went to chat with someone else. However, he’s been acting weird this week – two days ago he just stormed out of the room after the lecture was over, but then started to walk very slowly towards the exit, as if he wanted me to catch up with him (which I didn’t). Today he ignored me completely (there was a seat next to me and he hesitated to sit down for so long that another person came in and sat there – it looked ridiculous) and, what’s worse, as I was walking out of the building, he pretended he hadn’t noticed me and didn’t say ANYTHING. What to do now? I’m confused by his fluctuating attitude. I’ve made a lot of friends since we broke up, improved myself to the point everyone has started noticing all the positive changes, and become extra active on social media.
Thanks,
K.
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 12, 2017 at 5:24 pm
Hi K,
You have to initiate conversations so, you can slowly build rapport..
K.
December 11, 2017 at 8:59 am
Hello,
I’m still waiting for your reply. I posted a message on December 8 and then on December 10, but none of them show. 🙁 Hope you get them, as I’d really need some insight into my situation. Thanks.
K.
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 11, 2017 at 10:07 am
Initiate conversations so you can slowly build rapport
amy
December 10, 2017 at 7:15 pm
please give me some guidelines as to how I should proceed if he texts or calls me? ignore him or continue talking to him?
amy
December 10, 2017 at 7:12 pm
So what should I do if he texts me? should I talk to him or ignore him? Is it like an extended NC?
Why does he flirt with me if I am friend zoned? I feel friend zoned too! I get it! I already am dating other people but it still hurts! The last fight did ruin everything but of course you are right! He doesn’t want me at all, maybe just as a friend and nothing more or maybe like a friends with benefits and nothing else! It all started good but its not salvageable anymore and its about time anyway that I move on a lot!
K.
December 10, 2017 at 5:45 pm
Hi,
I really hope my message did come through. Looking forward for your reply.
Thanks,
K.
amy
December 10, 2017 at 6:38 am
please reply
he hasn’t talked to me after he texted me after the fight!
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 10, 2017 at 5:11 pm
Hi Amy,
It’s not really to stop talking for 6 months just to rest but it’s for you to have time to accept that he has moved on.. Come from a point that no feeling for you remains from him, that he has moved on…because right now, you’re already friendzoned and you’re just chasing him..
At least after 6 months, if you still want to try to build rapport, you’ve already established a different life routine, in that time, if it doesn’t work out in building rapport, just stop, and continue moving on in your life doing your new routine…
K.
December 8, 2017 at 12:29 pm
Hi again. Since I didn’t receive any message from him during the NC period, I decided to extend it by 15 days. I do know that the more I do NC, the less effective it is, but I made this decision based on his recent behavior and my knowledge about his personality (he’s not the one to make the first move). So last week, right after 30 days had passed, he started approaching me and talking to me (still very awkwardly) about some minor stuff. I kept being friendly and even made him follow me right after I finished talking to him and went to chat with someone else. However, he’s been acting weird this week – two days ago he just stormed out of the room after the lecture was over, but then started to walk very slowly towards the exit, as if he wanted me to catch up with him (which I didn’t). Today he ignored me completely (there was a seat next to me and he hesitated to sit down for so long that another person came in and sat there – it looked ridiculous) and, what’s worse, as I was walking out of the building, he pretended he hadn’t noticed me and didn’t say ANYTHING. What to do now? I’m confused by his fluctuating attitude. I’ve made a lot of friends since we broke up, improved myself to the point everyone has started noticing all the positive changes, and become extra active on social media.
Thanks,
K.