My Ex Says He Misses Me But Still Wont Commit- How Do I Make Him?

77 thoughts on “My Ex Boyfriend Says He Misses Me But Doesn’t Want To Get Back Together”

Ariel

August 17, 2017 at 11:21 pm

Hi. My boyfriend of 5 years and I broke up about a month and a half ago. I attempted no contact but failed, he came over and we had sex. That happened another 2 times. Due to external circumstances we had to remain in touch. He admitted he is still in love with me. He got a new girlfriend within a couple days of us breaking up. His new girlfriend has a youtube page and one of her videos was of them together trying new snacks and he genuinely looked happy with her. I bugged out and he said that he understands because if he saw me with another guy he would freak out too. (He thinks I have feelings for this guy anyway). Today he came over my house, we did not have sex but he said that he did want to kiss me, he also mentioned that he kind of wanted to get back together and that he misses me. He said he was not just gonna have sex with me again because he loves and respects me too much. He said he cares about me more than anyone in his life. What does this all mean? How do I make him want me so much more that he breaks up with his new girlfriend? (He goes to school with her but not me). I cant use social media because he doesnt use that. We arent going to be in constant contact anymore because the issue has been resolved. Should I do no contact or would it be better to just continue contact?

Ariel

August 23, 2017 at 2:07 pm

I actually never thought about it like that! Thankyou! I am slightly worried because she posted a video of them on her instagram (which she does a lot of) and I can hear him saying I love you to her in it. He’s been with her for a little over a month. Do you still think I have a chance obviously? All we do is really argue right now so we arent going to talk for a while.. Do you think I still have a chance or is he lost to her?
EBR Team Member: Amor

August 24, 2017 at 10:30 pm

there’s a high chance he will contact you again but more likely just because of sex.. so, don’t sleep with him again. If you really want a higher chance with him, make it your last priority, focus in improving yourself and in preparing your life of a routine that doesn’t involve him in it.
Ariel Mangual

August 20, 2017 at 6:53 pm

I am going to stop sleeping with him but I don’t think he is using me for sex. He was a little hesitant at first because he said he loves and respects me too much. Im just worried I will lose him to this girl. A part of me wants to move on from him but i feel like i cant
EBR Team Member: Amor

August 22, 2017 at 9:20 pm

that’s good if he really isn’t but it you will become friends with benefits if you don’t stop, so, that’s good too that you’re stopping. Just keep in mind, he’s already with the other girl, staying with him is conveying you’re ok with the situation because you don’t value yourself and you want him more than respecting yourself, which then lowers your value more in his eyes, which then makes the other girl more attractive. Self respect, confidence, happiness, is always sexy. Desperation isn’t.
Ariel

August 19, 2017 at 5:04 am

Hi. So today we saw each other and had sex again.. what does this mean? Why does he keep having sex with me while he says he is happy with his girlfriend? I saw his phone history, they talk alot and he truly seems to like her. He also told me that he is still in love with me and always will be. He doesnt wanna get back together right now but he doesn’t know how he will feel in the future. He says that he is proud of me for becoming more confident and independent, because if I was like this when we were together we wouldnt have broken up. He also mentioned he broke up with me because he felt like something was missing… what do I do and what does this all mean? Also, what do you think he really feels about his girlfriend?
EBR Team Member: Amor

August 19, 2017 at 9:26 pm

You should stop sleeping with him because he’s using you for sex..
EBR Team Member: Amor

August 18, 2017 at 5:33 pm

Do no contact and still proceed to be active in posting because if he gets curious now or once you start building rapport, he will see your improvements and if mutual friends will see it, there’s a chance they will mention it that they noticed your improvements..

Jane

August 8, 2017 at 5:23 pm

Hello,

My bf and I were in a relationship for roughly 3 years. We have been broken up for roughly 3 weeks doing limited NC since we go to several of the same places (gym, school, church). The only time we have contacted one another was to pick up clothing and other items. But, he occasionally calls and texts to see what Im doing and what ive been up to and there have been moments where his actions (hugging me for very long, etc) dont line up with what he says (he doesnt want to be in a relationship because hes focusing on school, getting a career and focusing on other things). He explicitly told me that he doesnt want to be in a relationship for over a year. Ive never initiated contact, its usually him. He wants to stay friends, but many of the things he mentioned that he wants us to do were things we’d do while we were together. I dont plan on answering much of his texts for the next few weeks and have a few things lined up for me to work on for myself. We didnt break up over the relationship, it was doing great, but Im just not quite sure where to go from here.

Jane

August 12, 2017 at 12:08 am

How would I go about trying to get him back eventually?
EBR Team Member: Amor

August 12, 2017 at 12:29 pm

do you agree with no contact period? and the advice on the link I shared?
EBR Team Member: Amor

August 9, 2017 at 3:27 pm

Check this one:
What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Wants To Stay Friends

Claire

August 6, 2017 at 12:30 pm

Hi i really need some help i am so confused. I broke ul with my partner of nearly 10 years for taking me for granted & neglecting me. We didn’t speak for just over a month it was a very bad break up some bad stuff was done & said on both parts. Anyway after 3 weeks from break up a relationship status appears on FB with him & another girl I have not mentioned this to him nor him to me i refuse to incase i look jealous. We text everyday & as last 2 weeks he rings me & we chit chat for ages then he asked could he call down to mine I agreed because i missed him but I didn’t tell him this I just said yeah anyway we chilled watched a movie it was like it always was & he stayed the night. Next day he texted me Good morning as when i woke it was already away to work that was fine I replied then he replied then I stopped because I didn’t want to look needy then that night he asked why i had gone so quite i replied this morning just say i was working & tired so i had a early night the msg is not delivered yet so i am waiting on a reply. I am just so confused why hasn’t he mentioned about sorting something & obviously isn’t taking his new rebound relationship seriously if he can come chill & sleep with me. In totally we have been broke up 9 weeks I would like to get back but i fear it happening all over again & this is terrifying for me because i was in a very bad place for about 5weeks not eating, sleeping etc but i am stronger now. What should i do to help him see i have changed & it will be better this time i have a feeling he wants me to run after him but that is not happening because he fell into a rebound relationship so that is his problem.

EBR Team Member: Amor

August 9, 2017 at 2:19 pm

Does he know that you know he’s in a relationship?

Lux

August 3, 2017 at 8:17 am

Hi there,
I need your help! My ex and i broke up 6 months ago, we had a massive fight in March and completely stopped talking. I did NC as advised for 3 months. he wrote to me from time to time (fluctuating from nice to anger) and i ignored him. During this period he found himself a rebound and i didn’t react (despite being hurt)….A month ago i got drunk one night and sent him a text him telling him i missed him and hoped we could be friends…. He replied and after waiting a week to reply to his text he then called me and we spoke ( he told me he ended things with his rebound as she was boring and compared her to me) and we agreed it was really nice to talk. he messaged me/called me consistently after that initial call however whenever i suggested we catch up he always gave some excuse as to why he couldn’t..so being frustrated i wrote him a text along the lines of ” either its equal or you stay out of my life” he didn’t react well.. we got in a massive fight he told me he “didn’t need or want me in his life” however he still initiates contact through brief text messages here and there…. I don’t know what to do at this point or what he wants?
Please help 🙂
kind regards.

EBR Team Member: Amor

August 5, 2017 at 7:21 pm

You were rushing it..yeah, you didn’t talk for three months, but there’s not enough rapport and attraction built for a meet up.. And then you went on verbal demands from him. I understand why but that made him reply in the same angry manner with you.. It’s like you reminded him the reason why you two broke up in the first place..

Let him initiate this time

Jessie

July 31, 2017 at 10:23 pm

I loved reading this article. It kind of makes me think that women think about so many things at once, while men on the other hand and when they are stressed they worry about that one area. So I have a problem with my ex, he says he still has feelings for me and he misses me…but he’s worried that if he gave me another chance that I would cheat on him or get tired of him throughout the relationship. So how can I show my ex that I’m not hanging out, have sexual relations, or talking to guys? Also last year I tried telling him I wasn’t texting guys and he blamed me for deleting everything off my phone. How can I show him without him being so worried or wondering?

Jessie

August 1, 2017 at 9:51 pm

He said that and blamed me for that I deleted everything off of my phone because he took my phone and seen that a guy I used to drink with and dated once for several weeks just texted me. That’s when he immediately blamed me for deleting any other text messages or calls. And I didn’t delete anything. So I couldn’t really say anything back to him to make him believe me. He basically wants me to show him that I’m not hiding anything and that I won’t cheat on him again. I just don’t know how to do that?
EBR Team Member: Amor

August 3, 2017 at 6:14 pm

If you can work and have somebody else look over your child while you work, that would be better.. You need to know and cultivate your self worth.

You cheated on him before but right now you’re chasing him. You’re accepting that you’re the one who has to prove something even though he’s telling you he wants to be with you while he’s in a relationship.

Hanging out with other guys especially his friend is like proving to him he’s right about you..

Staying friends with him now is lowering your self worth too because first, you’re putting yourself in the friendzone. Second, it’s starting to look like you’ve been making up for a mistake that was a long time ago and both of you should have moved on from it since he’s in a relationship now too.

You’re showing him you’re just there, always waiting for his forgiveness..

The better approach is to talk to him about what happened calmly. Tell him you’re sorry about what happened before but you’ve forgiven yourself and that’s not you now and it’s up to him whether he forgives you or not but you’re moving on from that for your self respect and for your child.

If he wants to get back with you, he has to do the right thing first, break up with his current gf. If he says it’s just because he doesn’t trust you, tell him, that’s for him to work out for himself because that was a mistake years ago. Thank him for eveything and tell him you hope that he understands and respect the space you need for yourself.

And then do at least 30 days of nc.. Don’t tell him you’re doing nc. Don’t tell him you’re going to contact him after 30 days. If he asks if you will contact him again, tell him as of now you don’t know yet. If he asks if you’re still friends, tell him as of now that’s not workable.

Improve yourself. Have a new routine for yourself and your child. Have your own life. Prepare your life in a way that if you don’t get him back, it will hurt but it’s his loss, not yours. You have a lot in store for yourself and in your child’s future.
EBR Team Member: Amor

August 1, 2017 at 4:48 pm

What did you say when he said that? Did you tell him the reason why you deleted everything/

Evelyn

July 31, 2017 at 6:44 pm

I tried the whole cycle from NC to meeting up again a few times and gave up. When he broke up with me it was in May and he’d been having a hard time, falling into a depression and being admitted into hospital. He’s out of it now. Even after I gave up he keeps texting me, but not desperatly about every week and I don’t know what do do about it. If I try to continue the conversation, when he doesn’t feel like it anymore or I try to start a conversation, he’s just downright mean and rude. He acts like some bratty teenager (which I shouldn’t be surprised about since we are both teens), but when I mimic him from getting fed up with his short responses and mean comments, he’d call me out on it and be upset. What does he want? One second he’s cheerful and nice, the next he treats me like shit. What does he want?

EBR Team Member: Amor

August 1, 2017 at 3:51 pm

Someone to talk to and validation

Sierra

July 26, 2017 at 7:59 pm

Hello,

So I’m having a mini crisis here (maybe not that dramatic) but I started NC 17 days in and about 3 days ago was my exes birthday I didn’t break NC however he posted a couple of things that seems like he misses me he all of sudden goes to the same gym (in a different state LDR) which he’s never posted what gym he goes to and last time I checked he didn’t go to Planet Fitness I’ve been posting check ins at that gym in my state and then it got really weird he posted yesterday that he wants to wake up and kiss someone face and be romantic so today I woke up and found out he blocked me again after three months of already blocking me so I just want to know why all of sudden am I blocked I’ve done nothing wrong. The last message I sent him I told him I’m done playing games and done with the childish behavior you see I reached out to him after finding out be blocked me and he didn’t respond to any of the messages so I went into a NC and 12 days later he calls me on Facebook messenger I missed the call and reached out to him no reply so I sent that last message and went back into NC and been doing great with being UG posting pictures, losing weight and having fun. I don’t under would out of the blue just block me for no apparent reason

Sierra

August 6, 2017 at 4:59 pm

You are absolutely right I feel like I never took the time for myself to work on me and get where I need to be in life when that relationship happened we both rushed in fell in love and weren’t really working on ourselves and after the breakup it brought out the worst in us especially him he acts like an asshole when he’s hurt. He’s immature and when we dated he didn’t act that way and I’ve fell out of love with him a little bit due to the fact that he is immature and doesn’t know what he wants those 2 things are unattractive to me in a man I love his character and everything else besides those two things I love I just feel like time really needs to happen in order for us to decide if we really want to be together and I’ve been scared of that because of ow he might get married to someone else and I might get married to someone else I don’t see a future without him at this point but I also want to be the woman I always wanted to be and right now a guy in the picture is a distraction
Sierra

August 4, 2017 at 12:55 am

So I was the UG in the beginning before we dated and now that I’m doing NC I’m wondering if my ex will ever take me seriously again? You see I’ve always been the one to reach out and communicate even before we dated he was always interested and would chase me but I always had to initiate contact my ex communications skills are non existent to be honest lols
EBR Team Member: Amor

August 6, 2017 at 6:14 am

He chased you before because you dont have expectations before.. If he doesn’t do something, you just go on with your life.. Now, you’re not walking away and not doing your own thing because you’re waiting for him to change, to do the things he used to do before when he was chasing.
Sierra

August 1, 2017 at 12:52 am

Oh no I didn’t message him at all when he blocked me I was trying to be the UG by not paying attention to the fact that he has blocked me again. I broke NC before when he called me on Facebook messenger and I sent him a message and he didn’t respond again so I went back into NC and haven’t broken it since so proud of myself Yay!
EBR Team Member: Amor

August 1, 2017 at 4:59 pm

Ah..sorry I misunderstood when you said you reached out to him after blocking you..
Sierra

July 30, 2017 at 12:48 am

So the NC rule is working after all I originally was planning on doing 30 days but since he blocked me should I extend it to 45 days instead?
EBR Team Member: Amor

July 31, 2017 at 1:53 pm

Yup but not because he blockek, it’s because you messaged him when he blocked you
EBR Team Member: Amor

July 29, 2017 at 7:11 pm

If he misses you, then that’s the reason he blocked you

Amy

July 25, 2017 at 5:14 pm

Hello EBR team
I have a question, if you could answer it, that would be really helpful
I have been in NC for some 20 days and from two days he is posting super romantic statuses on WhatsApp and we are contacts with each other so he knows I will be seeing his posts about a girl! I dont know who he is referring to in his super romantic posts?

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 25, 2017 at 6:34 pm

whoever he is referring to, it doesn’t matter.. because if you bring it up to him once you get to building rapport stage, that means you are checking out his posts. And it doesn’t help you in healing and improving yourself too.. You’re just worrying which is unproductive.

M

July 25, 2017 at 9:57 am

That pyramid is SPOT ON. I was thinking about Maslow’s hierarchy of needs when my ex was unemployment – because he didn’t have that he could get to the step above, which was healthy and intimate relationships.
emily

July 24, 2017 at 6:50 pm

my boyfriend and i were at the top level of the pyramid. we were having discussions of kid,s marriage, etc. However, drastically he went back to the 2nd rung of the hieracrchy when a job ‘”promotion” caused intense stress. Relocating (even after the company had relocated him 6 months prior), working 80+ hours a week consistently for the same pay, and intensive training workshops are just a few of the obstacles being faced. I was told that he “didn’t know what he wanted anymore” and he needed me to just focus on myself because he is so overwhelmed and busy. I was comopletley able to understand this issue and was patient and sympathetic. However, once the weeks turned into months (going on 3 months since the breakup) I am frustrated and hurt. I know it’s ONLY been 2-3 months but he seemingly has no interest in me anymore. We were texting on a daily basis but I started to be a little pushy with wanting to see him and wanting answers regarding our status. (HINDSIGHT IS 20-20). That insistence caused a spark in him where he said this whole ordeal isnt a phase, but his life now, and he is too busy to even think about a relationship. Again, hindsight will be 20-20 but once in so deep he is most likely unable to see out. It has now been 2 weeks since I initiated NC. I heard from him once, after asking a mutual friend when he left for one of his trainings, and got a response from my ex (the mutual friend must have told him I asked) but since I ignored the text/didn’t respond there has been no other contact. My positivitey and hopefulness regarding this situation is dwindling. any suggestions of how to proceed? How much time is needed to sort through these things..? And will he ever see that he doesn’t need to push me away in times of stress?

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 25, 2017 at 6:01 pm

Hi Emily,

don’t ask his friends about him..If you are going to talk to his friends, use it to your advantage, better if they’re the only ones initiating to talk to you, only talk about your life or that friend’s life. So, that it seems like you’re moving on. Aim to be the ungettable girl, have your own life and focus in improving yourself. Be active in posting in social media. check this ones:
EBR 003: Does Having Your Own Life Help You Get Your Ex Back?
The Ungettable Girl

Amy

July 24, 2017 at 4:15 pm

Hello
The article was great, I wish you could have written it a while ago because I had the same problem!
My ex texted me some months ago and said these same things but I ruined it already
Fred

July 24, 2017 at 3:42 pm

Brilliant observation regarding Commitment Pyramid. So true

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77 thoughts on “My Ex Boyfriend Says He Misses Me But Doesn’t Want To Get Back Together”