My Ex Boyfriend Told Me Not To Contact Him Anymore- What Do I Do?

112 thoughts on “My Ex Boyfriend Told Me Not To Contact Him Anymore”

Azz

September 12, 2017 at 11:17 am

Hi Chris and Hi to all of EBR Team Members! I need some advice and support from you guys, please help.

Me and My Ex were together for almost year and a half. We had some ups and downs as probably every couple has. Most of the time however I felt truly happy. I thought: “This could last forever”. I was finally myself, not trying to prove anything, just pure happiness.
My Ex – due to some severe family issues – has never dated anyone seriously and, even though he is almost 30, has not much of an experience in this matter. At one hand he had to grow up fast (to e.g. support his parents financially), on the other – he is very vulnerable (which I wasn’t aware of because he is so uncommunicative – I knew he was sensitive but I wasn’t aware of the level). He has trouble talking about his feelings and concerns – our fights were usually me being angry and him being sad. He tried his best and I know that now.
Almost three weeks ago we had our last argument (I thought it was about our mutual future plans, he afterwards told our good friend that it was about our constant fights), which in fact was the most ‘human’ one – there was talking instead of screaming, hugging and telling each other how much we love the other one and have to figure something out to be together. Something completely new. It started with him telling me that one of the solutions is to break up, however he thinks it is unacceptable and doesn’t want to do that. We later agreed that we love each other to death, do not want anyone else (he said “if it wasn’t you, I would choose to be alone”), that we are ‘the ones’ in each other lives. Maybe because ‘the talk’ lasted so long (almost 7 hours), we couldn’t communicate properly – all of sudden he said ‘I think we need to break up’. His caring and loving behaviour immediately changed. He didn’t want to talk to me, look at me, touch me. I lost it there – begging mode was turned on, horrible horrible things etc.
I had some time to think it all over, especially when I found out that it was all about our fighting. Made some examination of conscience, found my faults and patterns I used all the time and decided to finally change. What was so wrong about me is that I wasn’t paying much attention to my ex’s feelings. For me, after the argument was over, it was all ok, however, he kept it somewhere deep down feeling that he failed me again and I was not as happy as I deserved to be. If I knew how much was at stake, I would never hurt him that way, he was too good for me. I am pretty sure that I made him happy as well…
Our mutual friend told my Ex that we should both talk (I didn’t ask for this at all, seriously). After more than a week my Ex sent me a text “if there’s something that hasn’t been already said, we should meet”. So we did. After really nice and fun small talk (oh how he looked at me…), we started talking about major subject – I apologised sincerely, mentioned all my faults and asked for a second chance. He said “Never again”, “this is to hard for me”, “I will always love you, but now I love you differently than it was before”. He also told me that he has already given me a second chance six months ago, which I was completely not aware of (because he didn’t tell me about it…). I still have no clue WHY he wanted to meet – to see me begging again? Probably that does not matter now. This time, fortunately, I was strong enough to not fall into tears, just hugged him and wished him all the luck he deserves. Of course he said not to contact him and “I hope that some day we could meet as friends but not now”.
We are not connected through any social media (we never needed that, it was never a big deal), so me posting photos on fb etc. will do nothing, our mutual friends are actually his friends that he introduced me to (so now I kinda lost them too). Chances of two of us meeting are below zero.
I am willing to do anything to get him back. Maybe not now, maybe in a year or more, but I feel we should be together. I need to find my balance alone first. I am just worried – if he is so hurt, he probably won’t answer my texts and just doesn’t want to know me anymore. Should I extend my NC for more than 45-60 days? Just tell me what to do… Are there any chances or should I give up now?

Azz

September 15, 2017 at 9:14 am

Thanks for your response. Maybe you can advise me what channels should I use to show him I’m an UG (eventually when it happens, surely not now, but I am working on it). As I said before, we are not friends on facebook, but his friends are my friends on fb. I am not very ‘popular’ on fb – I haven’t posted anything in two years time, should I post photos etc. for his friends to see and hopefully tell him about it? We don’t have Instagram, no Snapchat (I guess he has one, but I don’t even know how to use it). We have one mutual friend who keeps in touch with both of us – should I ‘use’ him as a source of information about me to my ex? Or maybe – tell me if it has any sense – use NC also towards our friend (he is an inquisitive type – he may ask my ex whether he has heard from me….?)?
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 15, 2017 at 5:53 pm

Just be active in fb and make the posts public so that when he gets curious he’ll see them.. If you want to open instagram, that’s good too
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 14, 2017 at 8:42 pm

Hi Azz
We can’t guarantee that you will get your ex back but you’re right that you need to put yourself first.. Check this one:
How Do I Break Down My Ex Boyfriend’s Emotional Wall?

Rachael

August 18, 2017 at 5:37 am

my bf of 5 years finally broke up with me about a month ago. we were incompatible from the start and i knew it wouldn’t last forever but he became my best friend. the breakup was mutual and respectful and for a full week afterwards we were still texting like best friends. but then i admitted to him that i had been cheating on him at the end of our relationship and he immediately wanted nothing to do with me. of course i don’t blame him for that and i don’t think we should ever get back together as boyfriend and girlfriend but i do miss my best friend. do you think it’s possible he will ever want to be friends again? should i bother trying to find out since i know that he thinks it’s unhealthy for him to even talk to me right now?

EBR Team Member: Amor

August 18, 2017 at 5:39 pm

HI Rachael,

Yeah someday when much time has passed.. It depends from a person to person but a safe bet would be maybe after 6 months or a year he would have moved on..

Tyler Reeves

August 10, 2017 at 9:00 am

Hi ex boyfriend Recovery I’m a 24 yr old male Who was currently in a relationship with a 23 yr old guy who is in the closet.. we’ve been pretty serious for about 9 months now and he isn’t out. I’ve dealt with keeping everything a secret but I love this man dearly. I was told by a friend that he was on Grindr a gay dating site and I freaked out. I texted him telling him I wanted him to leave me alone. He said he was only on there to see if I was.. It was a huge fight at one point he said he seen me on there and that we where even, I was never on there… it was hurtful he would lie and try to turn it on me. We didn’t talk for 3 days and I messaged him today and he called me a liar and to let him be and said goodbye. I care for him with all my heart I would have never reacted the way I did if I didn’t care for him.. what should I do? Should I just let him be so he can calm down or is he like down with me.. some advice from this website would be very obliged

Tyler Reeves

August 11, 2017 at 4:28 pm

Thank you much for replying!! I guess my number question is do you think he’s over me or just needs to cool down, if he can prove to me he wasn’t cheating of I’m willing to move on from this, but does he still care saying goodbye or to let him be?
EBR Team Member: Amor

August 11, 2017 at 5:18 pm

Honestly I think he has an honesty issue. I’m not even if he’s really serious with you. He tried to find another date in grindr. Tried to turn the tables on you and now sticking to his lie because either he’s ego is stopping him from saying sorry and admitting his mistake or he just knows he can make you apologize even if you didn’t do anything and then everything will be okay. That way he still has the upper hand. I actually it’s the latter because from what you said, you think him being angry and calling you a liar is caring but to me, it just looks like he knows if he keeps it up like that, you would give in and apologize for something you didn’t even do.

If I were in your position, it’s clear he should be the one worried and chasing you, I would move on. If you can’t, do nc at least 30 days. See if he cools down and admits his mistake. If not, move on. He should be the one worrying because he’s busted.
Tyler Reeves

August 11, 2017 at 9:20 am

I feel like I need to fight for him, this is the only guy I’ve ever felt like I needed to, it was a bad fight and we both said things I know we didn’t mean, but he’s blocked everything but my number.
EBR Team Member: Amor

August 11, 2017 at 2:27 pm

he’s trying to stick to his guns right now.. He should be the one proving to you that he’s not cheating. fighting for someone means there’s an outside force trying to stop your relationship. There’s none in yours.
Tyler Reeves

August 10, 2017 at 10:57 pm

Yes I’ve been trying no contact ever since then, he acts like he’s really really angry and disappointed in me which shows he still cares but it’s bitter sweet cuz he’s mad at me or something I never did. I love this man and I know he loves me. I know no contact is the best step but is this worth fighting for? Thank you so much for replying:)
EBR Team Member: Amor

August 10, 2017 at 5:09 pm

HI Tyler,

Good thing you’re not in the app. .That means he’s really in it to look dates or what not.. do you want to try the no contact rule?

jen

August 9, 2017 at 7:50 pm

ok chris what happens if you did all of the above and he opened up said still loves u misses u blabla then u didnt have sex when he tried and he apparently felt rejected not just cuz of the sex accuses u of playing games and says he dont wanna get back together then when asked why he said what he did he said he did want to get back together until i rejected him & played games told u to leave him alone but then like 5mins later said sorry i over reacted and was wrong about some stuff. can you still NC again or should i just move on? hes so up and down weve been separated just over 2months

EBR Team Member: Amor

August 10, 2017 at 4:22 pm

you can restart nc but if you want to move on, of course that’s ok too.

Keerthi

August 6, 2017 at 4:46 am

Hi Chris..well my situation here is bit complicated.. because the family is involved too..let me explain from beginning what happened..we have been toghter since 3 years..we were like made for each other couple…there used to casual amount of fights n arugemnt for two reasons..one thing is for giving me some time another is over cutting me off when I’m explaining him something n argue with misunderstanding.. recently same thing happened because we were having long distance relationship since 2 months..the argument lead to a fight and his parents saw him yelling at me n also crying due to the heat of arguments.. issue was really small but arguments were big..his mom dint know about our relationship n she got to know through that fight..she also knew that I was speaking stupid while fighting was on n she asked him to cut me off n end things then n there…well he called me back n told tat we are done..I can’t keep any sort of relationship with you any more so think that m dead to u goodbye…I don’t Evn speak a word as I was shivering n scared…later when I tried to contact him I was blocked in all way possible..so there was no means to contact..I tried contacting him through his father sister n a mutual friend..but he was strong about what he doing n respecting his mother…his mother have got all sort of negative feelings about me n she hates me now…itz been ten days since we broke up..I tried meeting him after a week..he was not ready to talk but later I said I ll clarify things n go off jus allow me to talk once…I did tell him evrythng what I wanted to say n at the I made a peace about he wanting me to go away..I asked him to talk n say wateva he feels he said I v noting to say..while I was saying something he started to pour tears along with me n grabbed me n hugged me..n while saying goodbye he said I love you ..later all of a sudden I startd getting hopes that yes v still have chances..but I am not able to judge him…later when I contacted him through a mutual friend again he startd being rude n said not to contact me anymore by any means…I was devastated coz he was just talking all about my negatives just the way his mom did…so I Donno what should I take from it…m so depressd n broken..he have kept all sort of hard feelings n have made strong that v don’t hv future as his mom is never gona accept me..his mom is thinking that m not gona keep him happy n I may be a threat in his family…m so confused with all these.. I have started no contact rule since 2 days..but since it’s indian society scenario i’m afraid many things will not work as you mentioned in no contact rule thing..it may lead to misunderstanding also…so plz…m blank n I really don’t know what to do..plz help me get him back plz…

EBR Team Member: Amor

August 9, 2017 at 11:41 am

Hi Keerthi,

Check this one:
EBR 054: My Exes Mom Made Him Break Up With Me

Sunita

August 4, 2017 at 2:52 am

I have been talking to this guy for 4 months and he assured me that he will be dating in August. We both are in our final semesters and we agreed to wait.

Lately he has been hesistant and have been saying his mother has been trying to get some girls to date. He says that he doesnt trust his judgement with woman due to his past relationships.

On wednesday he told me that his sister and mum had set up a date with a girl. He told me that he will date me, he jst needs to get over this hurdle of meeting with the girl.

On Thursday, he was acting strange and later started argueing with me that we are very different and went we shouldnt be dating.

He later told me that he told his mum about me and our 10 year age gap and she said no, he should be dating someone older.

He told me to leave and nothing can work out between us. I wished him well and he did the same.

I do want him back. What should I be doing ?

EBR Team Member: Amor

August 6, 2017 at 7:35 am

Hi Sunita,

check this one:
EBR 054: My Exes Mom Made Him Break Up With Me

Angela

July 24, 2017 at 12:57 pm

Hi Chris,

I met this guy two months ago and we hooked up but he refuses relationship. He is jealous and always thinking I sleep with other guys and I can’t prove him that I am not that kind of girl and he is my first hookup ever, I’ve always been in a relationsips.
Last night he told me his reasons why he doesn’t want to be with me. He said that he likes geeky girls. That he thought we will have much more in common. I feel so stupid now. Guys were always been interested in me mostly because of my brain, my interests and this guy tells me I’m not good enough because what? I don’t like some geeky stuff and play video games. I would let him introduce me to his interests, I am not closed minded, but he obviously wants some Amy…

And also, he told me that I am very stuborn and sometimes fight even though I’m not right and that’s true…

He also said that he likes me but those things are reason why we aren’t in a relationship. Is there any help here? He agreed that we should stop sleeping together cos that’s hurting me and he doesn’t want me to feel hurt. What now? I will not be geek ever… Can I get him to like me despite that? Should I do NC or he will me forget me cos we weren’t official? He is not so popular between women, not a classic geek but a bit nerdy.

Angela

July 25, 2017 at 7:26 pm

We had a big fight today. He told me that sex was a main reason why he was hanging out with me and that he won’t call or text often anymore because he enjoys a company of a very few people. That we can hear and see sometimes but that he doesn’t get it why I want to hang out with him aynmore
He called me crazy when I said that I thought we were friends and said that I’m always making such drama, that I am negative person and why I am bothering him now with that when I knew that he doesn’t want a relationship with me… Yeah, but I didn’t know that I mean nothing to him, he was a good actor… I blocked him, he blocked me…He has hurt me so much.
EBR Team Member: Amor

July 25, 2017 at 5:53 pm

actually he’s right that you shouldn’t sleep with him.. check this one:
Do You Have The Same Values As Your Ex? (With Chase Kosterlitz)

Maren

July 22, 2017 at 11:27 am

Hi! What are your thought on this… So I like this guy at work. We have known each other about a month now. We flirt all the time, so much that others have startet to notice and comment on it. We have really good chemistry and he even told my best friend that he thinks that I am very pretty… But every time we go out, he ends up hooking up with another girl at work. And everyone else is as shocked as me about it. It seemed like he was really into me, but when we are out he is holding her hand and kissing her on her cheek. I get really upset about it, especially since I was sure he liked me. Why do you think he chose her and not me?

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 25, 2017 at 4:08 pm

it looks like he’s a player.. that means he didn’t choose her.. he’s playing both of you.

Nat

July 19, 2017 at 10:45 pm

Hi my ex walked out in me and our baby 3months ago ended it via text msg and would never talk about it. left us to become homeless whilst he sorted himself out this made me angry but i got over it. We were friends b4 we got together and it lasted for 4 years. we didnt communicate much just with baby drop offs. As time has gone on we built rapport and he was texting everyday talking about other things actualy asking about me saying gnight every night. We met and spent time together with our child several times. He began to open up more to me text me more. Im going thro alot caused by this breakup and was having a bad day he took up my text wrong. After that he began to lash out at me saying he wouldbt meet me anymore as we arent a couple and will only talk to me about our child in the future its hurt even more . I told him i needed distance from him. Ive got so far and now its all ruined im so gutted but im not a door mat either. I dont know what to do anymore i dont think he has any interest and seems to be adding every girl from his work to fb. Our babys young and i feel totally worthless alone and used. I should just give up should i. Feel like im only hurting myself

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 23, 2017 at 6:18 pm

Why did he leave before?

Bonnie

July 17, 2017 at 3:51 am

My ex and I were on speaking terms not too long ago and then one day he suddenly told me that he could not talk to me often because he is with someone. I asked him to be honest with me, if that meant cutting ties, stopping all communication, he did not respond. I did no contact for 1 month and reached out, but no response. I sent him many many texts sharing stories and asking him how he is doing but complete silence. Frustrated, I sent a ‘good bye’ message, telling him I am sorry for being bothersome and that I understand what his silence means. No response from his end, of course. I feel that I made the wrong move by sending that ‘good bye’ text because now I can no longer message him, I cannot go back on my words. Did I destroy my chance with him by sending that ‘good bye’ message? Is my situation hopeless? What can I do to win him back?

Bonnie

July 18, 2017 at 11:36 pm

I still like him a lot. Is there anything I can do to win him back? Or it is an impossible task?
EBR Team Member: Amor

July 19, 2017 at 12:34 pm

restart nc.. do it for the last time and do it properly during and after. Focus in improving yourself and having your own life, be active in posting and do that even while slowly building rapport. Don’t be gnat after nc. Use topics that he likes talking about.. And make it seem like you’re moving on during this nc.
EBR Team Member: Amor

July 18, 2017 at 9:14 pm

Actually our advice is if you didn’t get a response the first time, try again after a week, if you didn’t again, try again after two weeks. If you still didn’t get a response after that, that means you need to move on. Since you didn’t get a response for a lot of times before sending the goodbye message, that means we would have advised you to move on even before sending the goodbye message.

Lynn

July 16, 2017 at 4:54 pm

Sorry for the long post

6 months after the break up: bad last weeks, I was being clingy and negative and he hated the distance (not too far but different cities)
At first we kept texting, later he got cold and distant, I went NC and after that things were better. He said that he had left last year behind. We started to text each other once a week, later twice or even more. At first neutral conversations, last six or seven weeks we got more personal. I went to his city for a meeting and wanted to meet but he gave me an excuse (well I believe it is true, he was busy with that thing but I know that he finished on time to see me for an hour but…). I wanted to give him his bday present (I had ordered before the break up, for Christmas, but it arrived late, after New Years Eve and he broke up with me 12/28). I sent it to him by mail and he was amazed even before opening. He spent a week telling me how beautiful and cute I am and when he finally opened it (he waited until the night before his bday, my present arrived almost one week earlier and his bday was this week)…he was like crazy, he said that he felt that nothing he could say would be enough to express how thankful he was and everything. A month before he had asked me if I could sent him a picture of me for his bday, so after wishing him happy bday and he texted back saying again how happy he was because me, I sent him. Again, he was incredibly happy and warm, he called me one the names he used to when we were together and told me “if I were there, I would thank you in another way, not only with words”. A few hours later we text each other again and he continued saying thanks “for making my bday an epic bday”. After three days without talking, he texted again showing how thankful and happy he was because of my gifts. I asked to talk today after watching a tv show for sharing opinions (we met each other in that way) but I know he won’t do it, he will talk about it in social media and with another people. I get really jealous when he interacts with another girls and I start overthinking about it, I can’t help it. And sometimes I feel that with them he is trying to fill a gap, not a rebound relationship, maybe a crush or even a close friendship in order to have some of the things he had with me. I’m afraid of that and I can’t stand the idea of him completely forgetting me.

The thing is…I know for sure he is still attracted to me, and he wants to remain friends. But I need more… And he doesn’t know yet but in two months I’m moving to his city for academic motives. I don’t know how to tell him… For some reason he doesn’t want to see me in person. Sometimes I think he is afraid of falling again and he wouldn’t want to because the distance and stuff like that. But if we wants to be consistent to his decision of breaking up, even if he is being more comfortable texting me (still, I feel him pushing himself back when he gets too close), even if the distance will be over, even if he is feeling the change in me…if he still want to stick to his decision and doesn’t want to see me, he may get distant again to be sure that I won’t try to met when I move… Well, I don’t know because I don’t understand what is in his mind… So I don’t know what to do to gain him back, breaking his barriers and when and how to tell him that I’m moving to his area… Any help? Please, I don’t know what to do.
And many, many thank you for your work: if we got better last months it was because your advice about NC and texting. Your posts are really helpful.

Lynn

July 23, 2017 at 8:13 pm

Many thank you Amor.
He didn’t text me anymore, I texted him a week ago, he didnt answer and never text again. I don’t understand why is he doing this…Is just like before NC. And he keeps talking with anyone but me about our favorite things (there are some news about our shared interests and he didn’t text me to talk about it, but he is very active in social media about that). I don’t know what to do. Of course I am not going to text him, I commited that mistake before NC, forcing conversations and it was bad. I want to keep giving him the relaxed side of me. After NC I never tried to talk about us or asking what was is problem with me and I think that that behaviour was what made him got comfortable and closer to me. Now I don’t understand wy is he distant again, just after being so warm…but I won’t ask. I need him, but I don’t need answers to my texts, I need him to initiate the conversation so I have to wait… But it’s hard, I am having an awful time with this and some other personal issues and I am afraid that he won’t text again. I ca’t understand, we were better than ever after the break up, closer… It wasn’t enough for me but was a very slow step by step and I was waiting to get a litte bit closer before telling him I’m moving…There is no rush, it is two months away, but if he didn’t text me in that time… (the most we have been without talking were the NC and after that we were texting a little bit more each time, last mont were two or three times for week).

Again, many thank you, I’ll try to be patient, I can’t do anything else. I would try to play the Ungettable Girl card in social media but with my current situation (as I said, not just him, but familiar issues) that’s a little bit difficult right now.
EBR Team Member: Amor

July 25, 2017 at 5:26 pm

yup, that’s the right mindset You’re welcome 🙂
EBR Team Member: Amor

July 18, 2017 at 9:03 pm

don’t rush it. If you know he’s afraid then being impatient will make you act desperate. If you’re moving nearer to him, then that makes things easier to build rapport and attraction later on

Ivy

July 16, 2017 at 3:31 pm

Hi, I am in a on again off again relationship. And while we are off my boyfriend always acts like it is temporary ( we will eventually get back together), and I tell him that I normally go on a date while we are off. But he just broke up with me because I let it slip that I kissed another guy while we were off. What should I do about this?

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 18, 2017 at 2:12 pm

okay.. do this one the proper way.. straight 45 days with no adding him, liking nor commenting back, no texting nor replying.. Make it look like you’re really moving on.. just don’t post anything that’s too forward with somebody else.

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112 thoughts on “My Ex Boyfriend Told Me Not To Contact Him Anymore”