My Ex Who Has a New Girlfriend Keeps Trying To Get Me To Sleep With Him

122 thoughts on “My Ex Has a New Girlfriend But Still Wants to Sleep With Me”

Jen

January 17, 2020 at 4:09 am

Hi, I caught my ex meeting up with a girl he was friends with. He had been talking to her for quite some time and the first time they met up I caught them. He begged me to stay but met her again a week later so I broke up with him. I had hoped he would fight me to stay but he just kept saying he was sorry. We have a long history… we were best friends in high school and he was my high school crush. We went our separate ways after graduation and fast forward 15 years he was 6 months out of a divorce. We began talking as friends a couple months before but he was already split from his wife who cheated on him while he was in Kuwait. The day his divorce was final he asked me to move in. We had an easy relationship. Talked about everything, cooked together, cleaned together and everything seemed fine. 7 months into the relationship he pulled this stunt with the other woman. I went no contact but I was needing to get my things (beds, couches, kitchen appliances). About 2.5 weeks into NC I was at my daughters practice and he is a coach. He said he had mail for me in his truck and it’s the first time I had seen his kids since I had left. I played with the kids and got my mail and went my separate way. He began texting me that night and the next day. He was quiet a few day then called me. He had expressed interest in being friends bc we always were but I had true feelings for him. He contacted me and said if I wanted to come over he would help me load some of my belongings. When I got there he was drinking and offered me one. I drank it while we loaded my truck and then we sat down and talked like old friends. It was really nice but somewhere along the way the alcohol hit me really hard and he picked me up and carried me to the bed saying he would sleep on the couch. I said I needed to go home and he started trying to have sex with me. Saying he was jealous and didn’t want anyone else to have me. I was too drunk to leave and didnt have anyone to call. I finally got him to go to sleep and I closed the bedroom door and went to sleep myself. I had sex with him once he woke me up with what he was doing. I was pissed and left right after. He called me the next morning to ask if I was ok and I told him that could never happen again. I told him I did not verbally consent to have sex with him and he has a girlfriend and I feel like crap. He is with the woman he left me for and I do not condone cheating. I really wanted him back but I’m thinking he doesnt know which way is up let alone what he actually wants. I am in NC again and just trying to figure out where to go from here.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 18, 2020 at 4:32 am

Hi Jen read the being there method, and think if you can do that work. Spend this time in NC and let this new woman for now as they need to pass the honeymoon phase and you need to get over the cheating and hurt you went through

Kelly

December 28, 2019 at 2:50 am

I have known this guy since middle school. We went to middle school and high school together. He contacted me through fb and asked if I was divorced bc he was going through one. We started talking and I had no intentions for liking him more than a friend. As time went on we started saying. We dated for 8 months and then I noticed he was becoming a little distant the last week. He usually texts pretty fast when I text him. Well over the weekend I noticed a car at his house and he didn’t open any of my messages until that car was gone. We planned on meeting up Monday and before we shortly met up I found out the car belonged to a woman. He then texted and tried meeting me Tuesday morning for coffee and I said no. He said to give him a minute and he didn’t call me back for 2 hours and said he was heading home. Between that time I went by that woman’s house and his car was there. When I went to his house he was trying to tell me he needed things to slow down due to his divorce being done and process his new life with his kids. I confronted him about where he was at and the car. I’m surprised he said it was a female but they are just friends. I then asked where he was tonight and he said his parents. I finally said I saw his car at her house, he finally admitted it and said he was sorry that he hurt me.
I just can’t figure out why he lied to me and I told him that. I also asked if he ever cared for me and he said yes but what changed is he realized his kids need him, doesn’t want to be in a committed relationship, fear, etc. I don’t know how he lost his feelings for me in a week and now he’s seeing this other woman. What I don’t get is he looks at all my social media and if he didn’t want to be with me why look at my stuff? His divorce was finalized the day he started talking to this woman.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 2, 2020 at 11:55 pm

Hey Kelly, he’s looking because he is more than likely looking for some indication to what is going on with your life, so make sure your social media is looking Ungettable (look this term up on this website) And go into a No Contact for 45 days and work on yourself in that time, then if you want to get him back you can start doing the being there method, where you will have to read up on this method on this website too.

Myiah

December 13, 2019 at 3:17 pm

My ex boyfriend and I were together for a year. We broke up because we wanted a break as soon as we broke up he said he had feelings for his ex. Mind you we took each other v -cards and he is my first love. All summer we were together 24/7 and i begged him to stop talking to his ex. As soon as school started back up he was talking to her which pissed me off. I started to feel like he used me for sex at this point. He blocked me for a month and as soon as he unblocked me we starting having sex , that’s all we ever talked about even if I wanted to have a real talk. He finally got another girlfriend but we had sex 3 times while they have been together. He always tell me im not his first love or he doesn’t love me.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

December 15, 2019 at 9:01 pm

Hi Myiah, it sounds like this boy is using you for sex so stop giving it to him, respect yourself and know what a immature person he is to be cheating on a girlfriend with you and then telling you that he does not love you. But wants to be intimate with you. Read up on what we call Ungettable on this website and do the work so that you realise your true worth and become the best version of yourself. Knowing what he is doing to you is not right or fair

Heather C Frye

December 6, 2019 at 1:02 pm

So the relevant part of my story to this question is that my ex is in what has all the earmarks of a rebound and he has moved the friendly talk between us to asking to see me. He has NOT asked for sex or anything untoward. I’ll give him that.

But…

He’s skirting around getting his GFs blessing to hang out with me. My response was if friends you want to be, then it won’t hurt to tell her.

To me this is a morally gray area. I would love to see him but said no because I’m not into hurting others even if I would NEVER do anything. TBH honest I’m trilybnot sure I do want him back and if we did I would like it with all my morals intact. But admittedly I miss the commonalities and ability to talk with him about our common interests, truly.

I’ve never seen this addressed by y’all. Yet. But I’m interested in what you have to say. Thoughts?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

December 6, 2019 at 5:29 pm

Hi Heather, so this has been mentioned and it is what we call the Being there method, as you said its a gray area. Hanging out with your ex and spending time with him again, with or without the girlfriends permission, will help you decide if you want to be with him again, and if you do then you need to make yourself familiar with the being there method.

Siwe

November 13, 2019 at 12:42 am

When I went to a new school, in grade 10 that’s when I met,sfundo who’s now my ex
He did everything in his power to show me that he loved me..but I wasn’t interested (I loved him but didn’t wanna sate him)..at that time..I hadn’t dated anyone and my parents never allowed us to date so,I was scared to break the rules but eventually my heart gave in and we dated towards the end of the year…everything was just awkward
I didn’t know how to date or how to act in a relationship and I used to avoid him..until he started getting really close to this female friend of his..I got jealous and tried my best to act normal when we were chilling but I just couldn’t.. Schools closed..we had December holidays..the following year..when we were in grade 11..my classmates rol me that sfundo and his friend were officially a couple (that broke me)..I tried my best to avoid the two of them..and I used to bump into them..but I was able to manage a smile..that year also ended then grade 12 started..I thought I was over him and he came to me and he was like..he wants us to have sex..I told him that he was crazy..and told my best friend who happens to be his sister.. That he asked me that..she told me to not give in as the year went by I developed feelings for him again and this time they became Stronger as we spent lot of time together.. We would kiss but never had sex coz I’m a virgin that believes in sex after marriage
But I’ve been kissing him and calling each other for hours and we would mention how much we love each other..I know he truly loves me coz the look in his eyes says it all..he calls a lot these days..but his sister is against all of this.. She says that he’s playing me coz he has his girlfriend
And I’ve never dated someone else..I love him.. I want him..I need him..am willing to be in an open relationship with him if that’s what he wants…
He said he wants to marry me..and I don’t see my self marrying someone else..by the way am 17
His 18..am crazy right?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

November 13, 2019 at 11:24 pm

Hi Siwe, so if you want him to be your boyfriend again, you need to ignore him for 30 days, read the materials on this website and try to follow them as much as you can

Nia Johnson

October 11, 2019 at 5:40 am

I previously posted my situation and I just wanted to know if I should ask him for closure…he just told me he loved me last week and now he’s on twitter saying he loves her…and they’re together now but she keeps subtweeting me. I just don’t know if I should go get him back or let that relationship play out. It’s so hard for me to move on and here he is telling another girl he loves her. I really don’t understand this. This sucks I really wasted all these years.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

October 11, 2019 at 7:14 pm

Hi Nia, if you want him back you need to do the Being There Method, as for what hes telling you and telling her… you need to make it clear you’re not willing to cheat if he tries, if this is a new relationship then you need to be patient for the honeymoon phase to pass

Nia Johnson

October 5, 2019 at 8:24 pm

Hello, before I start I know that everybody is going to tell me to leave this man be. And even I know I should. So I am currently 19 and when I was in 2nd grade this boy let’s call him Brian used to kick me in my shin on the bus with these huge winter boots on and it even left a mark. When I was 16 I reconnected with him because I realized that he was the boy that used to kick me only he was kinda cute now. So we started texting and eventually he came over and that was nice but about 3 weeks later we stopped talking and some months later I got in a relationship which lasted about 9 months and after it ended I was heart broken but a month later I started back talking to Brian and we ended up having sex and we would hang out all the time at my house or his. He previously told me he wasn’t looking for a relationship at the time so I accepted that cause I figured I shouldn’t jump into another relationship anyway. However, weeks turned into months, months turned into going on 3 years considering its about to be 2020 in a few months. In these almost 3 years it was a lot of crying and wondering why we never made it official. Also in these years I started talkong to other people I even stopped talking to him when I thought things were going good with this other person but that didn’t go anywhere and he started to be my fall back plan. I would always stop talking to him and then come right back but he rarely would cut things off with me until last year on new years when I got a text that he couldn’t talk to me anymore and then that broke my heart because we had been in a good space. So before this I had made friends with a boy that he was also pretty cool with and I would always tell him how I was in love with Brian but he would always tell me I deserve better and things of that nature. So when Brian stopped talking to me and I was hurt I said ok and I attempted to hurt him back and I ended up having sex with the guy he was cool with. Only to have Brian come back to me and apologize 2 days after I’ve had sex with his friend. He didn’t end up finding out until mid July and that happened on January 1st. But up until he found out me and Brian were pretty good until I saw he posted another girl on his instagram story and he had never posted me or anything and then when I confronted him about it he said it didn’t matter and we fell out. About 3 weeks later we reconnected and they weren’t together anymore and things kind of went back to normal and then we somehow fell out again and he went back with her and then we reconnected again only this time I was on vacation and we were texting and things were fine until I asked him to ft me and then he showed the clear signs that someone had told him that me and his friend had sex and he said that we weren’t going to talk anymore. I was devastated because honestly the “sex” with his friend lasted 6 seconds and it was so horrible for me. But that didn’t matter and now he knew. so about 2 weeks later I reached out to him after some advice from a friend and I apologized and told him I missed him and that same night I ended up over his house and we had “I miss you” sex. Only to come to figure out he was still with that girl. So I stopped talking to him and then we reconnected ugh and had sex again only he was single. And then we stopped and then we started to see each other more frequently and it didn’t seem like him and the girl were together anymore however we got drunk one night and I asked him if he loved her and he said he loved me and we went back and for and I asked him again and he said he might and even if he did it wouldn’t change how he feels about me or how much he valued me. I don’t see how he can love me and maybe love her. But then I knew that they were together from some research and digging and we were having sex often. And I don’t understand why he would want to be with somebody else when he loves me and is having sex with me frequently. I don’t know why we still continue to talk or have sex. But I know I do love him and I can’t see me getting over him soon. I don’t know what I could do differently at this point but cut off the sex and just be friends until he grows up. 4 years of my life down the drain and my heart is still in the palm of his hands.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

October 6, 2019 at 3:24 pm

Hey Nia, so its going to be a little harsh here… but the reason he won’t commit to you, is because he knows he can have you whenever he wants you. I am going to be slightly blunt here. He’s NOT going to commit to any girl who gives it to him on a plate. You tell him you love him, you told him you dont want commitment from him (at the start) and you even sleep with him when he is with someone else.

But, you want him and in a committed relationship. So firstly 100% NO MORE SEX
You need to NC him for some time and work on yourself too, because I can bet if you’re truthful your self esteem and confidence has been broken a few times from the on and off again friends with benefits relationship essentially. If he value’s you then he should notice your silence but it is important that you stick to your 30 days No Contact. And start dating new guys outside of your social circle casually. NO SEX….

Your social media needs to show you living your life and doing fun and exciting things and some subtle date photos too. You need to look like you’re happy and are moving on properly. Like you’ve said in your post he has some growing up to do, but he isn’t going to give you what you want from him without there being a reason for him to chase you.

Angel Brown

September 27, 2019 at 4:28 pm

Hello, I have been racking my brain about this situation and it hurts, I just need advice. And I’ll give you the short version! Okay, I started dating my Ex (lets call him bob)when he was young, I found out that I was pregnant with my ex before him and told Bob that I couldn’t be with him, but bob said forget that, I wanna love and be with you. It was nice he was with me through the whole thing, I lived with him for a while at his moms house but then that didn’t work so I had to be long distance from him and move a state away. Which was fine, I got to see him every single weekend, so it was fine. Skip a year later and I had cheated on bob with my ex from a drunken night out, and couldn’t face him to tell him. So skip, two months later, I found out I was pregnant with bobs baby, but something in my mind thought that it was my ex’s so I had to come clean. It hurt bob to shreds and we had to really work through it, I had my daughter and she was bobs! Everything was fine, until the arguing and trust started to fade and bob wasn’t himself. He was always anger with me and we broke up a couple of times. But we always got back together. ALWAYS! So the last time we got back together, we sat down and talked about what we wanted from this relationship and how we wanted to finally be together and find a place. So skip to last month, we got into a fight and I told him that I didn’t wanna live in his moms house to come back down to him. After that, he ghosted me. I kept texting and texting and he finally said” I don’t think we can be together at this point, sorry good luck” I was hurt and devastated because I thought we were fine !!! But I found out he met a girl two weeks before he broke up with me and been with her ever since. I freaked out and started being wild until I stopped and gave him space. Skip to last week. I thought to text him one day to see a movie, and he said he wanted to see me, so I drove down to him and saw his new place and he kept telling me how good he was with her and she 10xs better than I ever was and it hurt so bad. But then he told me he wanted to and how he wanted to touch me and kiss me…. and I guess you can tell what happened. So skip to this week and we have been texting every since, he says he doesn’t want to be with her and he wants to be with me and that it can’t hapoen because I’m not down there and she is and she gets him aorund and treats him good, and all that. But continues to make sexual jokes about having his cake and eating it too. But every time I tell him to come home to his family, he makes an excuse. He acts like he wants me but then keeps me as a secret. He doesn’t call, I’m on silent so he doesn’t get notifications when I text, I can’t text him at a certain hour and I know she is always around him. And he says if I got with anyone else he would be done with me all together…. what do I do? I wanna be with him and have our family back to show him, I’ve changed and I can be better to him! How do I do it ??? Please help !

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

September 29, 2019 at 9:15 pm

Hi Angel, so the problem here is he KNOWS HE HAS YOU and this is not something that you want when you need him to leave his relationship. There has been a lot of back and forth between you too which is where you need to break the pattern. Do you think you’re at a place where you can commit and not fall into the same pattern of arguing or cheating further down the line. You need to make him feel like he is going to lose you. You do this by being Ungettable, you can read up about this on the website. Also his threat about being done if you met someone else, and even telling you hes having his cake and eating it too is the proof of how little he is respecting you and the other woman right now.

Andrea

September 21, 2019 at 7:43 am

Hi,

I’m so glad I found this article. My ex boyfriend of 5 years(on and off)broke up with me in January, we had little to no contact until April when one night he rang me calling me saying he needed me, I stupidly went to see him and we ended up sleeping together, he then went on to tell me after he couldn’t talk to me anymore. Fast forward to the end of July where he calls me again upset looking for me, i stupidly go over to him and we sleep together, he has a girlfriend, he’s been seeing someone for a few months. Since then we’ve meet up nearly once a week and slept together each time. I know how awful it sounds and after reading your article I’m really going to try stay away from him. I’m struggling because I really love him but he doesn’t care about me I’m just sex because he’s obviously not content in that new relationship.
Hanna powell

September 19, 2019 at 5:00 pm

So I was with my ex for 7 years we have 2 kids together son is 2 and daughter is 5 he also has a son age 11 from previous. The relationship started to brake down when my son was born as he was hard work! 3 months into having a baby my ex met a girl that served us at a restaurant and they started contacting each other. Long story short it was going on for 8 months an he left me to b with her! Then after a few weeks he got bored and come back! Then left again.. then would ask for sex all the time which I gave but then I found out he was still with this girl!. He came back and forth 6 times hurting me an my children emotionally. He has now said he will not be coming back as he loves this girl and wants to live with her and have a baby! My head is totally confused!

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

September 19, 2019 at 5:39 pm

Hey Hanna, I’m sorry how hard this must be on you and your children. Complete a LNC and stick with it. You need to try to make your life (with your children) solid happy foundation for them to be better again. Your ex will realise his mistake leaving and ruining your family. Him telling you he wants to have a baby with her is more than likely his way of hurting you. Look up limited no contact, and other articles that discuss children with your ex. Also NO SEX unless hes back with and has remove the OW totally from his life

Jasmine

September 14, 2019 at 9:54 pm

Together 2.5 years. From the moment he left he took a breather. And then started calling and texting a week later like nothing changed. He was sweet. It was a difference. Like he just needed a breather. He changed our dynamic. Took away the intimacy so we could work on ourselves. We missed and wanted each other so much but I could see he was trying to control this and Lead like we were starting over.

Had his own agenda. Keeping me “around”. In his view. To Make a long story short. Two months later I asked him…and he Indeed had slept with “his friend”. He admitted it humbly. Why didn’t I Say bye then!! He was so distraught, sorry I was hurt asking could I get pass it and I wanted too. I Thought she was random chick but she wasn’t. He stayed friends with her. In his click. She had been around. So what the moral of the story is. Since he’d had her and could possibly still have me like you said he was like Yahoo I can have my cake and eat it too! By months later He had become over-confident, manipulative and deceiving and was just being a typical single Man like we never had 3 years together. Why didn’t i say Buh-Bye then!

I was hurt and insulted because had I known I could have stopped letting him call and text me if he was trying to Move ON. She has been in the picture every since..as “friends”. He still wanted to have me if I could be Ok with him just “Living his life” and seeing other women. I tried twice keeping in touch but realized if we can do this we can talk about us. I had questions and went in convincing mode. So I wasn’t quiet and not being his little puppet like he had hoped. He did some deceitful ish last May so I went NC 3 months.

By the time I talked to him again. He was excited to hear from me. Like he was on the edge of the sofa waiting for me to text. Spending like a little boy. I scared him.

He was ready to pull me back in. It was nice but…He was still sexing her and living his life.

A few weeks later I called him out on something and said my peace. I wanted to be done. I was so astounded. He chased me down to talk. Texted me at work and said I am still gonna call so we can talk.
And low and behold he called got passionate, darn near in tears. PROFOUNDLY speaking how he missed us, me, our intimacy. That I know he would want me as his wife. How he wanted me and all that and I wanted him too. But I made it clear that WE meant more than sex and I wouldn’t Share him. He agreed that I was more too. However, he wasn’t ready to stop being out there single. So 2 days later he called. I asked when we would see each other. He said, “when we are committed”. I said, “what does that mean?” He said, “when I come to you we will commit, join together and move forward toward marriage. I didn’t say anything. I said I would watch and listen.

He called lightly for month and as we got closer. I thought he was taking it slow. I mentioned about spending time together and He ghosted for a month. Mind games. I was so tired.

He called me after a month in Dec. It was nice at first. I brought things up nicely and he frustratingly pounced on me belittling my feelings and was VERY defensive. Weeks later He was like I told you I don’t want to be with just 1 women Hey, I’m just a Man! Wth? Who am I talking too? So after Xmas he had surgery and was very non chalent. I know you want to see me but this is my life so it will be your choice. So I pulled back went NC.

I was Drained. My mind was twisted. I was upset. I thought I was done! I changed my number too. I reached out a month later to check on his surgery and he was nice. Weeks Flirted, videoed, laughed, reminisced and he did more talking than me. I was calm and didn’t do too much. He gave me his plan goals. And it sounded like he was telling me for a reason As we had these plans. But I didn’t question it. And I never would have thought he was seeing anyone. (Slapping myself)

He’d stayed close to her. NOW Sept has grown into a couple and said that won’t change. What was I suppose to do?? He was playing with my head. I couldn’t lay my self respect down and just have an intimate thing with him knowing he is seeing someone else! So this is my fault? He says find some that can give you what you want throughout out breakup.
I go quiet HERE HE COMES. Push/Pull for over a year! Wanting to keep me around. And for what, this. He chose HER!! Its “Easier” . They evolved

Yet, He was frustrated still bringing up our past. He was bitter about me not reaching out for his bday and Holidays. He seemed confused, defensive. Like he HAD to make this real so he can justify his decision. But it was sad. Because it didn’t have to go this way!! But he let ego and pride come in, over confidence and trying to run game. And I being too emotional let him. He playing with fire had a “plan” and it failed. Now look at us now.

And yea, he is still willing to be intimate if I could handle it. And NO I will never engage with him like this. Is there anything that can be done. NC just made him feel i am forcing him to commit. I am so turned off, hurt, and Numb.
What should I do and why do you think he's doing this his gf works also has her own car and spoils him.

May 27, 2019 at 11:10 am

I was in a relationship with my ex in 2015 we were going good than one day he left me to go back with his ex than he moved to a different state his ex that was his gf at the time didn’t wana move so he found someone else he was still calling me and asking me too move I said no than he moved back to my state the end of 2016 he wanted to see me again we slept together than a few months later he told me he met someone else theyre still in a relationship sense 2016 it’s now 2019 in 2017 and ending of 2018 he wanted too see me we slept together on both occasions not to mention I was blocked on fb and he’d call me off his gf phone I wasn’t aloud too call him and recently in March 2019 he unblocked me and added me again than lastnight 26 of may 2019 he msgd me on Facebook asking for my number I didn’t reply so he blocked me than unblocked me than I sent my number he unfriended and said he didn’t want his gf too see our messages he rang my phone also texting asking too me too go to his gf flat were he also lives telling me she was out of town and he wanted too have sex I said no and he told me he’d keep messaging me and not too call him at all so I fell asleep. I also told him numerous times too leave me alone his got a gf but he doesn’t and he always wants sex off me.
Maria

March 26, 2019 at 10:15 pm

I was seeing this guy for 2 years and because he wouldn’t fully committ to me i decided to walk away. A month after this he started a relationship with someone else and i decided to block him everywhere. 10 months after this he managed to contact me again. This happened July last year. After this he has been messaging me more and more often. At first he was nice and normal and as months passed by he started flirting with me. We met up this weekend and spent a night together and it was amazing, very caring and loving and it really felt like these last 2 years never existed. It felt as if it was yesterday last time we saw each other. He also doesn’t live where i live since he moved out to another city about a year and a half ago.
All i know is that it’s been 4 years since we started “this” whatever it is and somehow we always come back to each other.
I didn’t have sex with him because i want him back, i do still feel the same as intense and as real as the first time though, but i just wanted to have sex with him. I know i couldn’t be with him as i don’t trust him but why is it so difficult to leave him in the past? Why is he doing what he is doing? He knows what i want and he knows why i broke up so why coming back to the same thing? Is it really worth it hurting his girlfriend just to be in touch with me again?
Help please!
Rose petito

March 16, 2019 at 2:05 am

I’m presently dealing with a narcissist in and out of relationship 65 years, he’s met another and went silent on me he’s done this over and over he even went so far to tell me she’s so special has a beautiful personality but I found out she’s buying him drugs she has no idea who he is right now he’s love bombing her. She doesn’t know he was here with me and yes we did have sex while he spoke to her. I told him I guess we can no longer do that and he said I can touch him anytime I want . This has been going on for Years it’s motho new but I’m drowning because I truly love him have loved him all these years . I text this morning and he did respond because I simply told him no matter what happened I still love him idk what to do especially since she’s buying him drugs I know it will end because when she stop buying he’s gonna see her personality change . But In the mean time I’m so upset what should I do
Abbie

March 10, 2019 at 10:29 pm

Thanks for the great article!

Mine and my exes relationship was very toxic. Although we loved each other so much it was almost to much. After years of fighting and being so inlove one minute and fighting the next I decided to move overseas to get away and try have a fresh start.

This worked for a short time but during this time my ex got a new girlfriend. I believe she was a rebound since day one and he has even admitted to it. He can’t bare to be alone. We have chatted on and off since I have been away but never for long as one of us end up blocking each other.

I am moving back in A few weeks and have recently been in contact with him again. He now wants to see me and has been talking to me, saying he’s going to see me on the side (sleep with me) until he can figure out if we can work or not.

I love this man so much. I don’t know why. I want to see him and I know I’ll have no self control if I do see him.

Please help!! I need advice!!

Thank you x

Chris Seiter

March 10, 2019 at 11:46 pm

Hi Abbie!

Just take it slow. The more you push or show a lot of interest, the less he will be incentivized to chase. If you choose to share him with this other girl, realize things can get complicated and confusing in many ways. There is a method I call the “Being There” approach. I wrote a post about it on the site. If you reach out to me thru the “Contact Form” link (found on the bottom of the each page of my site) I can fill you in on more of the details. Just remind me and ask me about it if you do send me an email!

Ryan

February 24, 2019 at 9:39 am

I just found out that my ex is with someone new. I must admit, I was verbally and emotionally abusive towards him and did not have an intimate relationship with him for 2 years. Not that I was seeing anyone else but I guess it came to a point where he was becoming too needy. I have tried the no contact rule but he has already reached out to me a couple of times. What do I do? He also says he misses me and wants to talk about getting back together and I’m getting the idea he just wants to sleep with me also. What do I do next?
Leeann

January 11, 2019 at 12:53 am

Me and my ex have been a part for about 4 years now. I have 4 kids. Two of which are his. When we met he had no problem taking on my two kids and to this day has no issues. We broke up for him not being loyal and all the fighting that came with it. Fast forward he has had a bunch of gfs in the past 4 year since us being apart and each gf he has had he’s cheated on with me. He knows how much I want to be a family again but only talks to me when he wants something sexual from me. And then that’s it. Days .. weeks go by and we don’t talk but the moment we see each other he always wants to do something.

Chris Seiter

January 11, 2019 at 4:58 am

Hi Leeanne!

I wish I could wave a wand an make certain guys behave themselves. He seems a like a guy who has good in him, but he makes poor choices and those he draws closer to are disappointed in his behavior. I am afraid I don’t have a ready made solution except encouraging you to focus on your own needs and those of those around you that you love. If has not been reliable in the past, and continues to make teh same mistakes with other people, then I wouldn’t look for any wholesale changes from him.

Rac

November 20, 2018 at 8:17 am

I broke up with my ex fiance months ago after stuff got crazy when he told me he got someone pregnant. I slept with someone else a month after he confirmed that were over. Only for him to come back to me 2wks after I had sex with another guy so I told him about it and stuff Ive done after we were over. He said he doesnt trust me. Fast forward to now. He’s married to the girl he got pregnant but they dont live together coz shes in a different state. Im also pregnant but he doesnt think its his. Ive moved on from him months ago but ever since I found out Im pregnant I was so emotional and lost since Im doing everything alone. This guy claims he cares for me. I call him once and hell be there. I also found out he was talking to this girl after we broke up and told her he wants to get married and have a family with her which got me questioning coz he doesnt wanna be there for my kid. I just want to know why does he still claim he loves and cares for me when he’s married and with this other girl. I just want to understand his actions coz it got me messed up. We would have sex everytime we meet up and it usually starts after an emotional conversation. He always brings up the past. Which to me is pointless coz why talk about the past you aint tryna fix.

Chris Seiter

November 20, 2018 at 10:04 pm

Hi Rac!

I imagine that was pretty shocking to hear and disappointing that your fiance got another girl pregnant. A lot going on here. You might pull back and think about whether he is trustworthy and given he cheated on you and is now cheating on his wife.

Emily

November 18, 2018 at 12:29 am

This is our second time breakup. The first time, we had lots of fights and I was too needy. That’s the main reason why we broke up the first time. And during this time, we remained contact and everything just like people in the relationship.

Half year later, we got back together. And this time both of us are happier and we barely fought and everything was great. Till he went to a camp for about a month, and I still contact him when he’s there but not controlling or being too needy.

After he came back from the camp, he said he thinks we should broke up cuz he felt trapped and he thought he’s too young so am I(we both 21) and we should explore more and he’s not ready to settle. And I agreed and told him. As much as I love him, seeing him happy is more important than anything.

After that, I went no contact. Not contact him for anything, unless he contacted me first. About two weeks after, he invited me to go to his house and make lunch together (and I did go). Later that night, he even invited me join his parents and him at dinner. And couple days later, his old friends said they wanna see his girlfriend so he took me to meet them.

Everything was exactly like how we were like when we were in the relationship. But on my birthday, he took me to fancy dinner and expensive gift, I stayed at his place for that night. When we were in bed(about to sleep), I told him that I’m grateful for what he did to me then he got all serious and said he thought we should stop this and really “just” be friends. I cried and told him that I understand and it hurts but I respect his choice.

After that, I stop contacting him. till his birthday. He called and asked me if I wanna go to dinner together. I said sure (as a friend). That night we just had dinner, and he told me to stay at his place a day before his birthday. (Since I live far and he didn’t want me to go home that late) but on his birthday, he said his dad visited him surprisly so I couldn’t stay at his place.)

And now a week after, he invited me to his place again and inisised want me to stay over night. But I just found a card from another girl and she called herself a cute and beautiful girlfriend at the end of the letter and said they started to date( in a relationship) the day before his birthday.

I’m very confused. And we did have sex this weekend. He even told about our future when I didn’t bring up about it. I really don’t know what to do……
Ham

October 2, 2018 at 6:38 pm

Hi, my ex and I broke up 3 weeks ago and he got himself a new gf. He confessed that he went out with her few days before we broke up and that he liked her seriously because of the way she treated him. They had sex 3-4 times in the 2 weeks they are together. And then he says he’s still not over me, had me fetch him at the airport and cried on the way home. Then he told me the truth, and that he still loved me, he felt sorry – kept telling me that, he would come back to me but he needed time to think and feels that he can’t do long distance with the girl. We had sex and I know it’s wrong I gave in, now I feel so bad and I don’t know what to do. He says to give him time like up to a month, and asks me to go on my trip without overthinking. He wasn’t sure of himself, what should I do? I love him but I know him being like this, can never be someone I will trust. He cheated on me once before & knew his mistake.

I kept telling him, it’s wrong. He just kept going for the sex and after that, he says he’s not going to do it again because he felt bad. He said he’s serious about his girlfriend, but her lack of replies was making him anxious. He just felt that he can’t do long distance and she told him that if he was to pick any of us, she told him to pick me. Because while he was with her, he was replying me and calling me, she’s understanding that our relationship has been on for two years and it’s difficult. He kept saying she’s as nice as me but he doesn’t want to break up just yet because they just started for 2 weeks.

How do I react to this? Do I go no contact because he said he still wants to text me and would be affected if I chose not to reply. He said he’ll leave it this way because I’m no longer his gf if I ignore him.

I wanted to get him back until I found out that he has a new girlfriend. He kept crying whenever he thinks about us and is confused about walking away from our relationship. Any advice what should my next step be, or is there chance for us again or never?

Chris Seiter

October 3, 2018 at 1:16 am

HI Ham!

Look, you ex despite all his tears and texts is treating you poorly. He need to figure out what he wants and if its you, hope you will take him back for this serious breach in your trust. I would start no contact. Let him know why. Its not to punish him, but for you to heal and to take stock of what you want going forward. Take a serious look at my 585 page eBook (Pro) as it will guide you thru the process!
Chris Seiter

October 3, 2018 at 1:16 am

HI Ham!

Look, you ex despite all his tears and texts is treating you poorly. He need to figure out what he wants and if its you, hope you will take him back for this serious breach in your trust. I would start no contact. Let him know why. Its not to punish him, but for you to heal and to take stock of what you want going forward. Take a serious look at my 585 page eBook (Pro) as it will guide you thru the process!

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