My Ex Who Has a New Girlfriend Keeps Trying To Get Me To Sleep With Him

122 thoughts on “My Ex Has a New Girlfriend But Still Wants to Sleep With Me”

Georgina Hooper

November 13, 2017 at 10:33 am

Hi, feel a bit silly commenting but would love an outsiders perspective on my current situation.

my ex and I were together for 4.5years, we are like chalk and cheese on most subject matters but completely in sync On sa weird deep emotional level it’s like he is my mirror.; Every now and again I’d question whether we were compatible to make it long term; he doesn’t socialise and I love to, he hates drinking and I do not, I have this existential fear ever few months that makes me want to travel and explore but am to broke/lazy to and he is quite happy sitting in front of the TV/o the computer etc. After gaining some more confidence this year after losing weight and changing jobs to one where I can have more of s work life balance I stated socialising more. In August I questioned everything about our relationship with him in quite an explosive way and knocked him for six. I really didn’t know what I wanted as I felt like my life was just passing me by and I wasn’t doing anything fulfilling. im about to turn 30 and I had a MASSIVE freak out. I then had to go to away for s few weekends and he gave me some time to work out what I wanted. I chose him, I realised that it was my new job and myself that was the root cause of the freak out not our relationship. As I was doing that he decided he didn’t want to be with me anymore as we are so incompatible and want different goals in life (though couldn’t tell me what goals he wanted and how they were different from mine) and then all of s sudden claimed he didn’t think he loved me anymore. This happened around September and we have a break but we’re still living together.. Beginning of October we said we would give it s try for a few weeks again. He said he was onboard but I got really ill so couldn’t do anything and he just wasn’t engaged in the relationship and was always on his phone. I Got angry and he disappeared back into the spare rooms. I have since found out that he met a girl from work and was talking to her during this whole process (from after my initial freak out in August NOT before) and they get along well and have things in common. He has decided he wants to be with her not me. I am still living with him ATM as I had no where to go nor did he, I’ve now finally found s place and am moving in 2 weeks. He has lied to me about her initially and when I found out he said he didn’t want to hurt my feelings- I do believe he has been finding this whole thing difficult but he still lied despite me asking if someone else was involved. I believe the plan is to move her in to the flat when I have left – she has recently been married and is leaving her husband for him because she was unhappy and he makes her happy supposedly. (I feel like I should be on a TVdrama…you just can’t write this stuff) everything is screaming rebound and that he is acting like a moron due to the hurt I caused initially.

We have still been having sex as I can’t help myself around him and living together is extremely hard. I also can’t help but talk to him about how I am feeling etc (I know this is a breakup sin but he was my best friend for 4.5yrs and I shared everything with him and it’s hard to not) I think he still does love me, deep down, but has thrown himself into something else because I hurt him so badly and he has convinced himself we should no longer work. (He is the kind of person that is stubborn enough to not follow how he feels if his head says differently) I know there are things we need to work on – to move forward together but Am I just kidding myself?

I’ve questioned whether I want him back because I can’t have him now, because, after all I questioned things to begin with, but truth be told- despite all of this crap that’s happened and all of the differences we have, I love him, I cant help it. Even when we argue we can make each other laugh half way through and he mirrors me perfectly, as I do him when we are on the same page… he grounds me and I push him out of his comfort zone to try more things.
He still wants to be friends, and for me to be in his daughters life- we can still have fun and laugh together as we have over the last few weeks in between the crap- I’ve almost normalised and trivialised his new GF though it is killing me to watch him chase after her and have a ‘honeymoon’ period with her. I’m pretty sure if he focused that attention in me we could rekindle everything and start again and be happy. Is that stupid? Would it be possible?
As you can tell; I’ve not even started the recovery programme as have only just come across it.

Before I launch myself into a ‘get him back’ mission I thought I’d ask for your thoughts on the above….it’s a horrible mess and I’m not sure if it is redeemable.

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 17, 2017 at 7:49 pm

Hi Georgina,

Take time for yourself first.. You’re not together anymore, aside from the fact that you’re now friends with benefits, asking for you to still be a part of his children’s life is too big of an ask.. .

Ana Pimenta

November 11, 2017 at 3:33 pm

My boyfriend broke up with me about 2 months ago. We’ve been in an on and off relationship. He is the one who always break up and I never beg, call etc… but I’ve always accept him back. We slept together once after the break up but I found out that he took another girl for dinner just 3 days after that. So I was and I am really mad and I’ve told him what I saw, some pictures of them and then because I wanted him to feel pain I told him that I didn’t feel the same last time we were together that I was seeing someone else that I didn’t want to talk to him ever again and then I block him from all the social media. But now I feel but that I hurt him on purpose. Please help to clarify my mind and to ease this pain I’m feeling

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 13, 2017 at 1:21 am

Hi Ana,

I’m sorry, I’m confused. Are you asking if you did the right thing by lying to him? If that’s it, honestly no but I can’t blame you. You acted out of emotion.

Katie

November 10, 2017 at 10:13 pm

But would it be fine of none us manages to come sooner and we see each other in 8 months? He has a lot of growing up to do, also he’s very guarded and I was a control freak at the end of our relationship so I thought maybe it would be good to give him this time…

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 13, 2017 at 12:55 am

it’s not a guarantee.. You have to prepare yourself if you don’t get him because you can’t control other people.. That’s what standards are for because people rarely change.

Kaye

November 9, 2017 at 10:38 am

I’ve been dating this guy starting April. He said that he just went out of a relationship and he left the girl because she’s too toxic and he felt too confined with her. On the first day of August while we were eating I said something that he said has offended him. He didn’t talk to me for a month. he ignored my messages so I had to apologize to him in person so by the end of August he took me back. We went back to normal until one day last October I received a call from a girl I don’t know and she claims to be the girlfriend of the guy I’m dating. She said that they’ve been together for 4 years already. But Last March they broke up and only got back together in the middle of August (the time when we were not talking because of the fight). So it means that me and that guy continued dating from September to October, he was already taken but he never once mentioned to me so I assumed that he was single. I feel so awful because I became a mistress but I didn’t even know that girl existed because they are in a LDR. I feel bad for being lied to and for becoming a third party but I still want him back. I don’t know what to do because I am a disadvantage. The girl I’m competing to has been with this guy for 4 years while I only dated him for a few months. Our relationship was pretty good. We go to the same university and we always hang out and talk. Now I’m in a NC for 21 days already. I don’t know what to do next. Help please. Thanks

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 12, 2017 at 8:38 pm

Hi Kaye,

check this one:
EBR 034: Are YOU The Rebound For Your Ex Boyfriend?

Kaye

November 9, 2017 at 9:50 am

We’ve been dating for 4 months. From April to July. Then had a huge fight so the whole month of August when we werent talking. I told him somwthing that he said hurt his ego that’s why the fight was my fault. When we started dating he just went out of a relationship and he left the girl because he said that she’s too toxic and he felt too confined. I did everything to apologize to him so by the end of August he took me back and we dated again until middle of October. One night I just received a call from a girl claiming that the guy I’m dating is her boyfriend and they’re together for 4 years already. She said they just broke up last March but then got back together again in the middle of August ( the time when we were not talking because of the fight). I felt like I became a mistress because I continued dating a guy who was already taken and he never mentioned to me that he got back toget her with his long term gf (btw they’re LDR). I am so devastated and I feel lied to because of what he did to me. I never wanted to be a third party. I didn’t even know that gf existed. I went into NC and it’s been 21 days. I know I should feel this but I still want him back. Our relax was pretty good because we go to the same university, we always hang out and talk. He also introduced me to his friends. I am happy when I’m with him. He’s like my safe haven. I know I should not want him back but I do. Even after everything he did to me. But I don’t know what to do. Can I compete with a girl who knows him for 4 years already? While I’m just the “new” girl. Help me please. Thanks a lot

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 12, 2017 at 8:36 pm

Hi Kaye,

check this one:
EBR 034: Are YOU The Rebound For Your Ex Boyfriend?

Tiffany

November 9, 2017 at 7:40 am

We’ve been dating for 4 months. From April to August. When we started dating he just went out of a relationship and he left the girl because he said she was too toxic and he felt so confined. But when the first day of August came we had a huge fight and it was my fault so we didn’t talk for a whole month. I did everything to apologize to him and he took me back by the end of the month. September came and we were just like before until October. But then I received a phone call from his supposed gf of 4 years. I learned from her that she and the guy I’ve been dating broke up late March but got back together middle of August (the time that we weren’t okay). So I realized that I became a mistress because he was already taken but we were still dating from September to October. He never even mentioned that he got back with his long term gf (btw they are LDR). I felt so devastated I went NC with him for 21 days but I still want him back. I don’t know what to do.

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 12, 2017 at 8:35 pm

Hi Tiffany,

check this one:
EBR 034: Are YOU The Rebound For Your Ex Boyfriend?

Ashley

November 9, 2017 at 7:07 am

Hi..my boyfriend left me for cheating on him..he made it clear he doesn’t want me back but i do want him back..i have begged..i have been desperate and now i am blocked everywhere..i know its messed up beyond repair but i still want him back..i am not sure about him but he told me he has a girl..he would abuse me..call me a slut and threaten me if i continue disturbing him he would beat me..he hurt me with his harsh words and he would do it more wen he says how he would even give his ex a chance and not give me..he is angry at me because i cheated with his friend and he had given me 2 more chances before..so wen he made it clear we are over for good i tried other options and i started sexting another one of his friend again who happens to have a girlfriend and they are all friends with my ex..my ex knows i can’t change and its hard proving him wrong coz its beyond messed up..he will never trust me..he would lie to me but i know its because he hates me..from cheating thrice..and he tried giving me a chance at some point then it didn’t work out..he broke up with me again for not giving him time with his friends then we kinda stopped contacting each other but then he contacted me first..so after finding out i was sexting his friend he never texted me at all..i reached out and he was friendly until i told him i loved him still..it was better but it bacame worse and now i am blocked everywhere and he doesn’t want anything to do with me…i am currently doing no contact even though i know he will never love me like i do..what do i do..i am gonna do 3 months but i know he will never contact me..i was crazy enough to contact his other ex and i am jealous of her and every girl around him..all his friends hate me too and i feel unworthy..i av just done 12 days no contact but how can i even prove to him that i am sorry?please help me..

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 12, 2017 at 8:34 pm

Hi Ashley,

We don’t advise going back to an abusive relationship.. You need to get a therapist to help you move on.

annie

November 8, 2017 at 1:49 pm

It was tough, communication problems, he was distant so was I. I got fed up so started hanging with other ppl we more than him but we always have a sexual connection. The break up was bad we was arguing and he jus ended it even told me be was seeing someone else then denies it after to say he did it for me to leave him along. I started the no contact but I never finish it it was too hard
Katie

November 6, 2017 at 10:27 pm

Me and my ex were in a long distance relationship. Now I have 2 days of NC left (yay me!) and I am suppossed to text him. The thing is, I know that the main goal is to get him to meet me in person, and that according to your guide on LDR, I should be the one visiting him. The trouble is, I will be able to visit him not sooner than 8 months from now (in June or even July) because of my new job requirements and also the fact that visiting the country he lives in costs a fortune for me. And so, I have the following questions:
1. Do you think, my dear EBR team, that I will be able to keep him interested for that long via just texting and Skype calls?
2. Does it lower my chances?
3. Should I do sth extra to maintain that attraction?
4. Should I have a concrete texting pattern, like getting us to text all day everyday like we used to when we were in a relationship or should I hold him at arm’s lenght?
5. I am also afraid to fall into the friendzone situation if we keep being apart for that long! How can I avoid that and still remain the “prize” in his eyes?
I have no idea how to accomplish it and get him back! It seems impossible in my situation! Please help me!

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 8, 2017 at 5:37 pm

Hi Katie,

If you can’t go there, then maybe he will go to your place if you can build enough rapport and attraction.. You built so much that it made him want to see you.. don’t overthink. Adjust what you need to adjust in building rapport at that time when you’re building building it. Just remember that attraction means desire, desire is from mystery and interest.. There’s no mystery if you’re always available and no interest if you don’t put yourself first. Just do you. If it doesn’t work out while you’re focused in improving yourself and loving yourself, then that means he’s not fit for you..

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122 thoughts on “My Ex Has a New Girlfriend But Still Wants to Sleep With Me”