It’s always a daunting task to try to get an ex back who lost feelings for you.
Your memory is plagued with these moments where the two of you were inseparable.
Whispering “I Love You’s” at every conceivable moment.
But things are different now.
Your ex may have told you to leave them alone.
That they hate you.
That they never loved you.
It’s devastating.
You may have even believed them but I’m here to tell you that if you want your ex to regain their past feelings for you there are three concepts I need you to understand.
That’s what this article is about.
3 Concepts To Help Make Your Ex Have Feelings For You Again
Having an ex lose feelings for you sucks.
But that’s only because you are a little ignorant about how it all works.
I mean, how many people actually sit down and think about the inner workings of their feelings when things are going well?
In my experience with working with hundreds of clients it’s rare.
But what if I were to tell you that there are really three key concepts you need to understand to “spark feelings” again?
Would you be interested in reading about that?
- First Understand The Good Feelings Vs. Bad Feelings Theory
- Second Understand The 11 Factors Of Love
- Finally, Understand Story Theory
I don’t expect you to understand what any of these things mean.
That’s why I am here.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizConcept #1: The Good Feelings Vs. Bad Feelings Theory
Let’s set aside the “big picture” question of your ex losing feelings for you for a moment and simply talk about human beings in general.
I started this website back in 2012 when I was 22 years old.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizI’m 28 now.
In those six years I’ve witnessed fascinating and horrifying things.
I’ve coached people at their best and also at their worst.
If you were to ask me what I’ve learned in my tenure here at Ex Boyfriend Recovery I’d simply say,
Human beings are drawn to things that make them feel good and repel things that make them feel bad.
I’ve never met one sane person where this hasn’t been the case.
Essentially it works like this,
Here’s where things get fascinating.
Even if we understand on a logical level that something is “bad” for us we can still be drawn to it if it makes us feel bad.
All that matters here are feelings.
So, when we look at the question at hand I think there is a misconception that goes on in most breakups.
People think that feelings are lost.
I’m not sure it works that way.
The peak-end rule states that human beings remember an experience based on two distinct points,
The peak, which is the most intense and satisfying part of the experience and the end which is the closest part of the experience for us.
Most people who experience breakups have pretty bitter feelings by the end.
If that is all your ex remembers when they look back on their time with you then it would make sense your ex would run away from you because they run away from things that make them feel bad.
I’m not sure it’s a relevant question to ask,
“Why did my ex lose feelings for me?”
More accurately it’s all about then running away from something that makes them feel good.
Remember this concept because you’ll find that it’s an important “through line” for everything that we talk about from this point on.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizConcept #2: The 11 Factors Of Love
Around three months ago I filmed an important video for my YouTube channel where I talked about the concept of love and how it really worked.
I explain that what we perceive as “love” is nothing more than a set of chemicals being released by our brain.
So, it stands to reason that if we can understand the cause of these chemicals we can come close to “reverse engineering” love and it can help us big time create those “good feelings” we want so badly.
Upon some intense research I identified eleven factors that make a difference at creating the following chemicals,
- Dopamine
- Norepinephrine
- Serotonin
- Oxytocin
- CRF Hormone
- CRF Receptors
- Vasopressin
All of these chemicals have been associated with love.
What helps create these chemicals is the following eleven factors,
- Similarities
- Familiarity
- Desirable Characteristics
- Reciprocation
- Social Influence
- Fulfilling Needs
- Environment
- Specific Cues or Particular Features
- Readiness
- Alone Time
- Mystery
Now, usually what I do for articles is go above and beyond when it comes to explaining things so I’d typically take each of these eleven factors and explain what they were all about.
But I’m not going to do that.
Why?
Well, if you look above you’ll see a video entitled “11 Ways To Make Your Ex Fall In Love With You Again.”
I literally explain each of these eleven factors in detail in that video.
I don’t want to be derivative.
Here’s what I will do for you.
I’ve explained this concept of the eleven factors many times to my clients and have witnessed them create lists like this,
Where they list out all the things they think they have done with their exes and highlight the areas that they need improvement on.
I think you should do the same thing.
And to make your life easier I’ve created a pdf version of this list for you to print out and do just that.
Download The PDF 11 Factors Of Love Checklist Here
Let’s move on and talk about another really cool concept.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizConcept #3: Story Theory
Stories are addicting.
There is nothing more powerful and captivating than a good story.
Movies…
TV Shows…
Comic Books…
Books…
These are all vehicles in which you can consume or tell a story.
One thing that always remains the same is the story itself.
A great story has certain elements that make it great.
And I think my biggest issue is that when I work with clients they fail to understand that they are literally in the midst of creating a story with their ex.
The ending hasn’t been written yet but with each passing day it gets closer.
If you want your ex to feel good and be drawn to you then it’s important to understand something I like to call Story Theory.
What Is Story Theory?
Have you ever read a book that was so addicting it plagued your thoughts throughout the day and you couldn’t think of anything else.
All you wanted to do was just to continue reading the book.
I have and let me tell you that this feeling of “being addicted and consumed” by a story is very similar to love.
It’s always how I personally reacted when I’ve come across someone that I’ve fallen in love with.
What if these two concepts were mutually exclusive?
What if understanding the keys to a great story helped you better understand how to make your ex have strong feelings for you?
I’ve been doing a lot of thinking at what makes a story great lately and think I’ve settled on something revolutionary.
Great stories create multiple emotions.
Most stories go “all in” on one type of emotion.
Take “horror movies” for example.
If you take an awful movie like Leprechaun and look at its many problems,
The one thing that really sticks out is that all this movie does is try to scare you.
That is it.
Look, I like being scared as much as the next guy and I think many movies can do this easily but does “being scared” equate to a great story?
In my opinion, no.
If I look at my favorite stories they always seek to create multiple emotions in me or when they do go all in on one type of emotion they do such a good job at it that it’s all I can think about.
Most of my favorite stories,
- Make me laugh
- Make me cry
- Make me scared
- Make me angry
- Make me shocked
- Make me giddy
They try to run the spectrum of emotions and it makes me feel alive.
I get to experience emotions I rarely do in my everyday life and that is something I appreciate.
Life is all about living.
All about feeling alive.
Here’s my point.
If all you are doing when you are with your ex is making them feel one thing you are setting yourself up for disaster.
Instead, when they are with you they need to feel alive.
They need to run the spectrum of emotions excluding bad feeling ones.
That is the one fly in the ointment when it comes to story theory.
For me, I like going to a movie that makes me feel sad. I like connecting with a character that much.
But in real life, making your ex feel sad goes against the good feelings vs. bad feelings theory.
So, to compensate you will need to only focus on positive or exciting emotions.
Dianne
February 2, 2021 at 4:06 am
Hi I’ve been following this website EBR for a month and its helping me a lot, Me and my ex boyfriend was dating for 10 months, and we broke up this Jan 3rd 2021. The reason is He lost his love for me few months back and he tried to bring it back the love that he use to have it for me but he can’t… when we started to date at the first month, I cheated once to him but not having something sex or something bad things like that, I just meet my ex ex boyfriend and talk to the restaurant for a closure and he find out the text and he initiate that is already cheating for him… so he gave me one chance to show my loyalty and faith to him and love, then I prove to him. but when we broke up he told me that he was cheated many times of his ex ex girlfriend in the past and he didn’t know that I can do that to him… and he told me when we broke up on Jan 3rd that he lost something on his self when I cheated to him… then he told to me He can’t feel something right now, his numb right now for everything not only me to everyone His friend and His family…I think he is depressed right now… I am doing a NC to him for 30days… and now I already finished the 2 weeks NC… I don’t know how to approach to him after NC… and If can approach to him even his depressed…
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
February 7, 2021 at 9:46 pm
Hi Dianne there are many articles to help you with how to reach out for the first time, it is all about getting a short conversation from your ex, no contact is step one of this program you need to read more to understand the texting phase
Sharm
January 4, 2021 at 7:54 am
Hi happy new year ! Hope you’re well.
My bf broke up with me in May20. In March20 he had said he felt like ending things then quarantine happened so I couldn’t see him.
The distance between us grew. In sept when lockdown eased I saw him for ‘closure’. I asked for him back but he said no. I did no contact several times but every time I sent a text he will reply and shortly after will say by the way we shouldn’t speak. He said he’s lost all feelings for me. We only saw each other twice in 2020 because he’s a front line worker and I’m a high risk person so I feel like feelings would fade.
I don’t know what else to do. I’ve done no contact, worked on myself, I virtually dated other people. But he just can’t let go of the past mistakes. He brings it up all the time. They weren’t huge. It was things like he felt like a shoulder to cry on or that I wasn’t affectionate enough. I’ve worked on all this at therapy and shown him things can change but he keeps saying it’s too late I’ll always feel on edge with you. I never intentionally hurt him. I was struggling with anxiety so would always moan to him but then eventually he felt like he could talk about his problems cos I was already sad.
Please could you let me know what to do? I’ve tried and completed no contact 3 times now. I feel like the effects are warying off.
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
January 25, 2021 at 4:34 pm
Hi Sharm, so when you were reaching out were you using texts that are suggested by Chris? It sounds as if your ex wants space from yourself still and if your texts become emotional or you mention getting back together then again this is not the program. At times, it takes the feeling that you have moved on from your ex, for your ex to start questioning their decision, so be sure that when you are posting on social media and dating online that you are positive and not posting emotional quotes, or complaining about how hard things have become etc. You need to start reading about being the Ungettable girl and apply this to become the best version of yourself.
Sarah
November 27, 2020 at 4:18 pm
My boyfriend broke up with me 1 month ago. We’re together for 4 years. We know each other 7 years and started dating at 16 years old. Our relationship was pretty good – we don’t argue, respect each other. The only red flag which I’ve noticed was his problem in bed – we were talking about it but he act so stressed and sad because of that..
We were living together for 8 moths got 2 kitties.. our families like each other… He told me that everything was too fast for him, that he “lost a spark”, that I was “too good for him” and that I done for him everything and he for me nothing.
I don’t know what to do. He SMS me once right after I took my clothes from our house. I answered told him how I feel and asked if he would feel better off losing me completely. He answered that he don’t know and its hard for him too.
Im on 27 day of NC.
I really don’t know what’s next. I feel that now it’s his turn to fixed it.
Rosie
November 14, 2020 at 11:50 pm
My ex and I dated for about 4 months. We knew each other for 7. Last month, he sat me down and was wondering if we had enough in common, and said that our personalities don’t mesh very well. He then told me that he had been struggling to feel romantically towards me for months (I did the math, those lost feelings would have had to go back to at least early September) and that now, “those romantic feelings are gone and they are never coming back”
Yes, he does have emotional unavailability issues, and commitment problems. However, I have generalized anxiety (untreated), which blossomed into severe trust and relationship anxiety throughout the few months we were together. He constantly said during the breakup that it wasn’t me, but he’d began to say things prior like how if I had an anxiety attack, or an episode, it would ruin the weekend. He said that “things added up” which I can only assume were the times when I did get anxious when we were out and we had to leave, or I said something passive aggressive or got upset/angry at him. Texting was also a big issue. We live 1.5 hours apart, and sometimes my anxiety would make me think that he was always cheating on me. We got into it about that a few times. I was always upset. He would ask me if I was feeling good, and I’d always shoot it down.
The breakup lasted 3 weeks. I had to go to the hospital because of an anxiety attack with chest pains. He took me. A lot of stuff was said that he now knows about my life, and I am getting the help I need.
However, he still wanted to keep in touch. He cares, but he can easily flip a switch for how he treats me. One day he was threatening to call the cops if I didn’t answer him. Then the next he’s ignoring me for 5 hours because he needs to back off.
I told him that I need at least 30 days of no communication. Talking to him, getting mixed signals, it was making it worse on me. He was devastated when I told him that, I could see it in his face. It’s only been about 4 days since I initiated the no-contact. I am not doing well with it at all. I feel awful. I know it’s what I need to do while I take my meds/therapy/get my cert.
My anxiety made it so that I was never truly “me”. It has prevented me from enjoying and living life to the fullest, even with him.
I guess what I want to ask is, is it possible that when we to talk again in a couple months, a spark could be reignited? If the anxiety no longer holds me hostage, I think things will be better. I just don’t know. The time is going to be the worst. Every day is hard on me. I just wish I caught onto this sooner.
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
December 4, 2020 at 9:42 pm
Hi Rosie, so if you were to get back with your ex then it is going to be a more secure, confident and happier version of you. So yes there is a chance but the main thing right now is that you learn to control your anxiety and emotions. Good for you for knowing that taking a break from him is also necessary for you to get stronger.
Bailey
October 27, 2020 at 6:36 am
My ex just broke up with me 2 days ago. Things have been rocky since July when our schedules changed (he’d work at night and me during the day) and I kept crying cause I’d miss talking to him during the day. He also had a lot of family problems with his mom’s mental issues and also career-wise where he just wants a stable job that he can see himself long term in.
I ended up adjusting to the new schedule and would constantly want to talk to him when both of us are awake (9AM – 12PM and 8PM – 12AM). Eventually he requested lesser video calls which I also agreed to.
We’d also see each other every weekend but all we’d do is watch movies and cuddle. We didn’t do anything else and maybe he got bored of the routine. He also requested we don’t see each other every weekend cause almost every weekend I’d cry over small things like his gaming addiction or him not helping with cooking (cause of his gaming). His game is an outlet for him but it’s now controlling his life.
I also carried trust issues over from my previous relationship where the guy was a cheater and so I’d always want my boyfriend to update me when he leaves home, gets to office, etc. Recently he told me updating me feels like a chore and he doesn’t like doing it anymore. I always thought he was okay with it since he was very diligent and loving during our texts.
His anger issues also started to get worst with the situation at home and things not going well at work. This started affecting our relationship and sometimes he’d snap at me for no reason so I’d end up crying. He tells me he hates seeing me cry and he hates the fact that he’s always making me cry.
I’ve just been extra sensitive lately cause I want more attention from him which I know he can’t really give since his mind is very scattered.
So we had a small disagreement a few days ago and ended up telling me he feels suffocated in this relationship and just wants to fix himself and his problems first. He wants to be alone and focus on himself. A relationship (which is another obligation) is something he cannot handle at the moment because he has a lot on his plate. He also told me his feelings started to change for me after July when I just kept crying. He kept telling himself it was just a phase but couldn’t shake the bad feelings off.
He decided to call it quits 2 days ago because 1) he wants to focus on himself and solve all his issues, 2) he wants us both to be happy as individuals and go back to the things we love to do because we were both so invested in each other, 3) he’s tired of this relationship and thinks we’re not compatible enough
This is day 2 of no contact and he already removed our photos on Social Media. Do we still have a chance? Should I be the one to reach out to him after no contact? he wants us to remain friends but I want to give him space to breathe, think, and maybe even miss me first before we see/text again.
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
October 28, 2020 at 4:22 am
Hi Bailey, yes you are the one who needs to reach out after your NC is over. Chris has articles on this website to help you to compose messages that are going to get your ex interested in replying and having a conversation with you. Make sure that you read them before reaching out for the first time.
Joanna
September 14, 2020 at 10:02 pm
my ex ended things with me saying he has mixed emotions towards me meaning i wasn’t the one and he lost feelings (for the second time). After he said that i got angry and rather than calmly take things it ended with blocking on social media with me saying certain things i regret and him saying he never really loved me and how he was just bored. I know he said that out of anger as our relationship was serious and met each others parents and wanted a future together. We were long distance but I really want what we had back. After ending things i immediately went into no contact but what do i do now?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
October 2, 2020 at 8:26 pm
Hi Joanna, once your No Contact is finished and you have been working on yourself you need to go into the texting phase. Where you use the articles Chris has provided with how to reach out to your ex for the first time after a NC
Yourgirl
September 13, 2020 at 8:52 am
Hey Chris
Me nd my ex broke up for 3 months now.it was his decision to break.things off because our relation was on and off nd we used to argue alot in our one year relationship. After breakup he was carrying resentment towards me.he used to lash out to me tjoughnothing was my fault infact fault was his own but he is too egostic to look at his own.a moth after breakuo he continued reaching out to me nd would lash out or even told me that he is dating new I think to make me jealous but not sure.this lr8cess went on fir 2 months I never reached out first but he would stalk me would watch my WhatsApp statuses.nd then out of nowhere would start fight.so I decided to do no contact nd I did it for 45 days.in all those 45 days he was stalking me n reached out to me on day 22nd.i finally replied him on day 47 when he innocently texted hi after watching my wtsapp status.in this way he started conversation news asking about how my life is going on.am.i dating another man or hows my bf blah blah.fir 2 days he was talking very strangely like he was asking me do I still love him or miss or not.i didnt reply clearly as I just gave him hints that I do.nd on 3rd day he suddenly started talking sgain about all those past things which made our relation fail nd was lashing out again nd even told me he has another woman who protected him from breakup pain.mow its 20 days since we talked.i dont know what’s going on.is it over now??all this time he was the one who reached out to me but now after last time he still bites my whatsapp stories but dint message me.is it over now or has he moved on ??what should I do.is there any chance to get him back
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
September 30, 2020 at 6:44 pm
Hey there, yes there is a chance but the most important part for you is that you work on yourself during your NC to show your ex what he has lost and how you are confident and happy person without him in your life. But your NC needs to be a solid 45days where you do not reply to him no matter what, unless he says to you that he wants to get back together.
Leah
September 4, 2020 at 1:47 pm
my boyfriend and I broke up almost 3 months ago and we still talk everyday and he wants to be friends but he told me he doesn’t have feelings and he doesn’t want a relationship with anyone at the moment. I miss him so much and I thought we would get back together by now since we talked everyday and even hung out a couple of times. I don’t know how to bring those feelings back or how to get him to come back to me and it’s hard. Please tell me what to do.
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
September 7, 2020 at 10:11 pm
Hey Leah, start following the program with No Contact and working on yourself, the Holy Trinity and being Ungettable
Sarah
August 24, 2020 at 8:52 am
My ex broke up with me about a week ago because he told me that he lost feelings. I simply don’t get it because our relationship was pretty good and I don’t feel like he lost feelings, he seemed so in love with me even the day he broke up with me. He told me that he wants us to be friends and he still texts me everyday. I just don’t understand the whole situation. Do you think I can get him back?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
September 5, 2020 at 9:54 pm
Hey Sarah, so first thing you need to do is go into a no contact and work on yourself. Read the information about being ungettable and show him what hes lost. If you want a relationship with him then do not be his friend!
AMY
August 13, 2020 at 6:56 pm
Okay So, my guy, lost feelings for me as he said, Somehow I was begging and pleading and let him stay until one day in our useless argument where I was convincing and he was constantly rejecting me as usual, I told him finally that he hasn’t actually tried, to which he said that I am right but he has lost feelings yet he wants to try his best. And he says to give each other a chance for a fortnight and check whether if there is any spark to get back. Look time is less and I have to get his feelings back, What do i do and How do i do this in short duration so that at least some progress happens? HELP
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
August 14, 2020 at 10:00 pm
Hi Amy, this cannot be rushed, you will need to follow the no contact rule, work on yourself and then start the texting phase. The process only works if you follow the information given. Spend this time apart focusing solely on yourself, if he comes back in two weeks and says he wants to break up. You need to tell him that you agree and walk away unemotional. This is going to make him question why you are so happy to walk away from him.
vsr
July 29, 2020 at 3:33 am
My ex broke up with me three weeks ago. I even plead but still her decision stays the same. We were good together until last month and things went bad.she feels that we’re not compatible and can’t be happy together which I personally deny. Since the we’ve lost evey possible contact including snapchat and whatsapp. I really love her and she also loves to hang out with me when we were back in college. Due to this corona shit things went bad and the conclusion is hurtful. I can’t do much until college reopens and we can talk face to face. Also since we were best friends before,she wants me to continue just like that.
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
July 31, 2020 at 1:16 pm
Hey vsr, a lot of people have found that the break and lock down has made a negative impact on their relationships you need to follow the NC and the program for now and you may find that when you are back in college and spending time together that things get easier. But be sure to read articles and follow the program
Emily
June 26, 2020 at 9:07 pm
My ex broke up with me couple days ago. I love him a lot but all of a sudden he says he lost his feelings for me. He doesn’t know why and I’m trying my best to understand what happened. We are trying to take a break from each other and not talk to each other for couple of weeks and see if he is going to miss me but my gut tells me he wont change at all. How can i get his feelings for me back?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
June 27, 2020 at 9:00 pm
Hey Emily work on your Holy Trinity and the Ungettable mindset, being less available to your ex is also going to help and work in your favor
Divya Sreekumar
June 26, 2020 at 6:55 am
My boyfriend blocked me in every sight and he didn’t call me. He is another caste also.His parents didn’t like me. We had fight at almost 1 month then he said to me that he didn’t want m any more and his father also call me and tell me that they are looking another girl for him. I need him back . what can I do for this? and He had bad thoughts about me How can i remove that. Please help me…………….
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
June 27, 2020 at 8:34 pm
Hi Divya, do you know why his parents didnt like you? This could help change your situation. If he allows his parents to make life decisions for him then it is going to be difficult to get him to change his mind but working on your Ungettable and Holy Trinity is going to help your ex realise he has let someone great go
Lucia
May 19, 2020 at 9:13 pm
My boyfriend and I dated exactly one year. In the end of our relationship I became extremely jealous causing him to push him away. He says he lost feelings for me but we are trying to see if we become a “thing” again (you know be exclusive and date) I really wanna get back together. We’ve talked through text since the break up. He is an amazing person and I hurt him causing this. What can I do? How can I get him to have feelings for me again?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
May 20, 2020 at 8:19 pm
Hi Lucia, you need to complete a 30 day No Contact and work on yourself, specifically the reason you felt the need to become jealous in the first place
Ann
April 29, 2020 at 5:21 pm
My boyfriend broke up with me in March, all of a sudden. We went to dinner and when he dropped me off he told me he lost feelings. He said he thought about it for a week or 2, and he just didn’t feel the same way anymore. My heart shattered because we had such a healthy relationship, and I broke down. A few weeks before, he said he was in a rut and felt stuck, and I told him he could talk to me about it, but he didn’t even know why he felt down. After the breakup, I texted to check in on how he was feeling, and I texted him a couple times because I could not cope with the fact I lost him. We texted each other and it ended up with both of us being mad at each other, and I know neither or us meant to say what we did, but we have not reached back out to each other. We did not block each other on anything and we can still see each others’ posts. There were things that we disagreed on in our relationship, however they never got in the way of us. I want to meet with him and explain that I am not mad, and that I have changed as a person, but I do not know when the time is right and I know that will not change anything.
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
May 6, 2020 at 7:12 pm
Hi Ann, there is no need to meet and explain yourself. You need to go into a No Contact and start working the program, avoiding any contact with him or replying to him. You need to avoid watching his social media activity too. This is going to help you get over the break up and us this time to focus on yourself and to be come Ungettable
Vivian Onnembo
April 17, 2020 at 5:14 pm
Hi so me and my boyfriend broke up about 3 weeks ago. He was/ is my world. We dated officially for 6 months but we were “talking” for 3 months before that because we barely saw each other and he was scared because I would be his first relationship. I was his first everything (even kiss). Even during the talking stage, we texted throughout the day and facetimed every night for hours. He literally made me so happy and I know I did too. He made me feel like the most special girl in the world and it was the highlight of both of our days to facetime because during the school year we went to schools 15 minutes away. It was perfect and I saw him every weekend since September. Every time we saw each other it was amazing and we had so much fun doing things like wrestling, watching movies, cuddling, and kissing. It was just perfect. I have so many videos of us playing around and making fun of each other. But the way he looked at me idk, I just knew he loved me. We even waited till like our 2 months of dating to say it because that is when we felt it. The only real problem in the relationship was that I was scared to let him in because I was cheated on in the past. He would get so mad sometimes because I would just cry and get insecure when I felt myself be vulnerable. He promised he would never ever hurt me and the way he said it, I just had to believe it. I even would tell him how scared I was that he was gonna lose feelings for me or just “get bored” and he promised he wouldn’t and I honestly believed him. But, I was so scared that sometimes I couldn’t help but say things like “maybe we should talk a little less because I don’t want to be too dependant when you leave” and he made me sound so stupid for saying things like that. I know I shouldn’t have said it and sometimes it would make him upset so at that moment I would take it back and tell him how much I love him. The last time we hung out was March 14, and I vividly remember laying on his couch and him kissing my cheeks all over, calling me beautiful and squeezing me tight and saying he loves me. Then we couldn’t see each other because of this quarantine. We still talked during the day but less than normal but we still facetimed every night for hours. He even talked about how excited he was to pick me up in his car and for me to meet his whole family down the shore. He was talking about the future and everything. Something was going on with his family during this though and he wouldn’t let me help. The night before he broke up with me he still was talking about how excited he was for summer with me said goodnight gorgeous I love you before falling asleep on the phone. When he broke up with me I felt as if my heart was being ripped out of my chest. I begged him to stay or wait till we could work it out in person but he was stubborn and said he was “losing the connection” and that he all of a sudden did not want a relationship. His own friends were so confused and they all think he still has feelings. He still is adamant on keeping me in his life and wants to keep the Snapchat streak and still see me over the summer. In fact, the other day I was texting him saying that I might not see him over the summer just to mess with him and he was like getting upset and was like flirting with me saying he will sit at my house until I come out. Also after not contacting him for the whole day he confronted me about posting a pic of my guy friend and was like getting angry. I just don’t get it. I literally love him so much and I just want him back. The last time I talked to him was yesterday and the text convo ended with me sobbing because all he has given me are “I don’t knows.” He even said that the nine months meant something to him but they didn’t anymore. I said goodbye but honestly that broke me. I just don’t understand. I would do anything to get him back. I know it is not other girls because he literally offered to let me log into his snapchat and everything. He is also extremely picky and I am the first girl he has ever had feelings for. He was/is a great guy and we were great together. I don’t know what happened. What do I do?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
April 24, 2020 at 7:12 pm
Hi Vivian, so the first thing you need to do is spend some time following the rules of no contact, where you focus on yourself. As much as it is a cliche to hear, you should be your whole world, not a partner. You are in control of your happiness no one else. So your goal during NC is to learn to be happy in your life without them in it. Then reach out to your ex after 30 days with the texts that Chris suggests
A
April 10, 2020 at 7:36 pm
Hi,
My ex boyfriend broke up with me last night saying I was more mature than he was because I knew what I wanted in life and he didn’t. I just graduated in December with a successful job and he’s supposed to be graduating in May. He’s moving to a city that’s 300 miles away. We dated for a year and a half but I went through the same thing he’s going through. I broke up with him in October and instantly realized I wanted him back in my life. I followed EBR’s steps and we got back together and everything was great living in different cities. Then he said started feeling this way about 2 weeks ago when he visited me. He ghosted me for a week to “get space and think through things”. He doesn’t know what he wants before graduation. I handled the break up very well and just told him I respect his decision. I also said we could catch up this summer at a mutual wedding we have, he said he would “really like that”. I really thought he was the one so I’m planning on really sticking to NC. I’m just wondering if you think he’ll come around or he really just didn’t see me as the “one”.
Esther
April 1, 2020 at 5:58 am
Hi. My ex bf broke up with me 10months ago. We were in relationship for 4 years. He says he doesn’t love me anymore and he got a new gf who loves him more and cares about him. We brokeup very badly.i begged pleaded and forced him to leave her. The more I did more he became stubborn. He said I didn’t respect and love him when he was with me. I badly want him back in my life. Is there any chance for making him commit to me?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
April 2, 2020 at 10:52 pm
Hi Esther, there is not way to force someone to commit to you, but you can work on yourself enough to make your ex look at you in a different way, this begins with a No Contact and from what you have said above, it would need to be 45 days. One because you become emotional and two because he has met someone else and we need their honeymoon phase to pass. You need to work on your emotional control and learn to compose yourself when you are upset. Read about the Holy Trinity and apply this to yourself, then look into the being there method ready for when you are going to reach out to your ex at the end of the 45 NC
Ellie
March 28, 2020 at 12:56 pm
I was with my boyfriend for over a year and he broke up with me over text saying he isn’t in love with me anymore and we can be friends. I begged and pleaded for a week but he blocked me on all social media platforms. We’d been through a lot in our relationship and we loved each other very much. I started no contact a week ago and I haven’t heard anything since. I put something up on my Snapchat story yesterday and saw he’d viewed it meaning that was the only thing he hadn’t blocked me on but as soon as he viewed it he instantly blocked me. I still love him so much and want him back so bad. Is there any realistic chance of this happening? Only a week before the breakup he was telling me that he loves me and 2 weeks before that how happy he is with me.
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
March 29, 2020 at 9:52 pm
Hi Ellie, so there is a chance of course but it is important that you work on yourself during this period of NC. Read about the Holy Trinity on this website and apply this to your life as best you can. Give your ex some space and some time to miss you
Anashia Prior
March 22, 2020 at 3:44 pm
So my boyfriend broke up with me 4 days ago. We’ve been together for about 2 years. And we have been through a lot and we’re in a long distance relationship but we always seemed to work it out before. When I went to visit him about a week ago our energy wasn’t the same I wasn’t being myself I had a lot on my mind and he started pulling away. We got in our first argument and after that it was hard to be comfortable around each other. I asked if he wanted to break up and he said no he just thought me being there would be different. So when I got back home after a day i tried telling him why I wasn’t being myself and can we just move past the argument but he said no being around me more made him lose interest. I tried to talk him out of it by text for about 2 days then I just cut all contact cause he wasn’t trying to understand. I’m just confused in our relationship I’ve wanted to break up because he wasn’t being himself but I would tell him and we’d talk and get over it so why couldn’t he do the same for me this one time. I love him so much I want him back although i feel he doesn’t deserve me I can’t stop thinking about him.