It never fails, the second you stop thinking about him, he calls, or texts or… post an old pic of the two of you on social media.
Hashtag Good Memories
Right?!
But, when you are trying to make it through No Contact and are already having trouble trying to focus on doing things that have nothing to do with your ex, having your ex stir up emotional memories can be a right kick in the teeth.
And as anyone would, you’ve probably been asking yourself the one question any sane person would.
Why?
Why would she do that? Why would she bring that up?
Well, there are a few things that could be behind it. Most of them are… not so good.
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He’s Trying to Get Your Attention
This is common when you are right in the middle of No Contact and it’s started to sink in that you aren’t chasing him, even worse you’re ignoring him. An immature guy will lash out in all sorts of ways to force you to pay attention to him.
I’ve even seen guys go as far as to make it their profile pic or TAG their exes in the picture. This is an extremely manipulative move. By giving in to this you would be handing control over the direction your relationship goes over to him.
He Heard You Were Dating
If you’ve recently started going on dates or you’ve started spending time with someone he sees as a threat, it’s likely that he’s trying to stake his claim. He’s basically putting a big sign on your face that says “I was here first!!” It’s childish but… Hey, odds are your ex is dealing with some pretty hectic emotions right about now. Not that that excuses his actions. It just has a tendency to override reason.
He’s Trying to Start Something
If he knows that you will be opposed to him reaching out in any manner, for example, you discussed a clean break or some time apart when you split, then it’s likely he’s trying to get you to act in an unreasonable manner.
I had an ex do this a while back and luckily I’m not the type to overreact. The goal is to get you to overreact in a manner that makes you out to be the bad guy.
Again, this type of person is MANIPULATIVE. It’s best to build up distance and stick with it… for pretty much forever or at least a few years till he matures a little.
He Was Thinking About the Good Times
Facebook has this neat little feature where it reminds you what you were doing on this day in the past. It’s a pretty cool feature unless you come face to face with a ton of pictures where you were happy with someone.
If you are in a place where you are a little down emotionally it can easily seem like the person in the pictures is happier. I mean, most times they are.
If my grandmother taught me anything (and she taught me a lot) it was that people are prettiest when they are happy. So, it’s likely that he just wanted to put up a good memory.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizHe Just Thought He Looked Really Good
The fact that you were in the pic didn’t even strike him as odd. That was right at that time when he was cutting at the gym and he looked great. It may simply have nothing to do with you. The odd fact about most guys is that they can have the highest IQ out there and still be absolutely clueless.
How Do You Feel
Well, I suppose how you react will greatly depend on how you feel about the situation. I mean, clearly, it bugs you out a little, but do you hate it? Is it something you absolutely CAN’T stand. Think about this. Ponder it. Where do you stand?
If You Want Him Back
If you want him back, my suggestion is to leave it be, especially if you are still in No Contact. This is a good thing if you want him back. It proves that he’s thinking about you and those thoughts are good thoughts!
If you go at him aggressively (especially if you break No Contact to do it) you will be kicking yourself later. Any kind of aggression will make him start associating you with negative feelings.
My suggestion is do nothing. That’s right. Nothing.
Focus on the ExBoyfriend Recovery Program.
If You’re Afraid of What People Might Think
Well, one, whatever you are thinking, you have to realize that the two of you are no longer together. So, when he does stupid things, they no longer reflect on you. They reflect on him.
If you helped make sure he was presentable when you went out together and he’s off looking like a ragamuffin now, that makes him look like an oaf. And on top of that, silly for not picking up some knowledge while you were together.
If you continue to be upset by other people’s opinions, then you do have a couple options outside of doing nothing. Firstly, you can report the photo to Facebook. But unfortunately, if you click the “This picture is of me and I don’t like it” link, it will redirect to a message basically telling you to reach out and ask him to take it down.
Or… you could just reach out and ask him to take it down. As I said before if you want to get back together and you are in the middle of No Contact, reaching out would reset No Contact. So, how important is what people think? Can it wait till you reach out and re-establish contact?
I’d just wait if it were me, but that’s just me. This one, however, it’s up to you.
If You Want Nothing to Do With Him
If you have no intentions of getting back together with him, then you definitely should send him a message asking him to remove it.But, no matter how you feel, if you send him a message to ask this, it will need to be carefully worded. Trust me I have a few exes I want NOTHING to do with and reaching out them isn’t on my list of urgent things to do.
But, no matter how you feel, if you send him a message to ask this, it will need to be carefully worded.
So, let’s talk about this for a second. What is it we want to achieve?
We want him to take down the picture, right?
We don’t want to start a fight or re-establish a connection… yet. We have one objective, to get that photo down!
So, how will you go about it?
Call? Text, Message on Facebook,
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Message on Facebook?
Snapchat?
What do you think?
Well, let’s say he posted it on Facebook… Facebook Messenger then.
…On Twitter? Message him via Twitter.
…On Instagram? Message him through Instagram.
If you do it this way, then I suggest you take this approach.
Hey, I just saw the picture you posted of us. I’m a little uncomfortable about that being up now that we aren’t together.
If you’d rather be a little more direct, you can just shoot him a quick text and say,
Hey, I just saw that pic you posted of us. And even though I like the picture, it makes me feel uncomfortable having it up since we aren’t together.
The Truth
What it boils down to is that it’s his social media, he’s entitled to put whatever he wants on it. It would require legal action to MAKE him take it down, and that’s just silly. Move on. Keep working on becoming the Ungettable Girl during No Contact.
If you haven’t gotten to that stage in Ex Recovery Pro, the Ungettable Girl is exactly what it sounds like.
No Contact has the potential to be the most boring thing on the planet. You basically spend up to 45 days waiting to reach back out to them.Think about it!
Think about it!
It drives me nuts trying not to text a guy back immediately. 45 days is a nightmare. You have to fill it up with something else.
So, you know this guy best. Spend that time becoming someone who is out of his league.
With a goal like that, who could possibly get bored?!
I once read an article that said that there were set things that put you out of his league that were put on the list by ACTUAL guys.
Ready? Because we are going to run through them pretty quickly now that we’ve covered the possible reasons your ex is posting your mug on his social media.
You’ve Got Options – Don’t sit at home pining. Go about your life.
You Aren’t a Bore – If a guy thinks you are more interesting than he finds himself, then it’s understandable that he will think you can do better. Everyone likes excitement and the adrenaline it brings. If you are exciting then you clearly need someone who can “take you higher”, so-to-speak.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizYou’re Hot and Personable – It’s not often you meet someone who is hot and has character AND personality. If you turn out to be a unicorn like that then it’ll be like staring at the sun for him.
Street Cred – If everyone around says you are too good for him and he doesn’t have a chance with you, guess what he’s going to want to do? Right?! Once someone tells you can’t do or have something, you are going to want it all the more.
Confidence – I think we all know that confidence is attractive. Learning to control how you carry yourself can affect all of the men around you, not just your ex. It’ll have
Think about any movie in which there is a transformation that happens. Yeah, they take away her glasses, fix her hair, and give her some new clothes. But the real transformation is how she carries herself.
Here… some examples:
I know they’re just actresses but think about what the director had to tell them from pre-transition to post-transition.
Pre – No hygiene upkeep (let those eyebrows get super bushy), wardrobe has to fit improperly, and the most prevalent thing… poor posture. They all slouch before.
Post – Carry themselves upright and with good posture, carry themselves with grace (Just ask Mia), and their makeup and wardrobe are made/chosen to fit them properly.
Basically simply taking care of yourself, and paying attention to your appearance can change the way you carry yourself. Going after your personal goals and at least making headway on them, if not accomplishing them, will make you even more confident.
You Get The Picture; Let’s Review
Okay, so unless you are ready to start a fight that might cut him out of your life for good, you might as well just let him look like a DoDo no matter what his reasons are for posting a picture of you. The only reason to risk it by asking him to take it down is if it is causing serious rifts in your other relationships or you are completely done with him anyway.
Instead of letting little things like that derail you, use them to empower you and spur you forward not only towards getting him back but towards achieving any goals you have in your own life.
So many of the girls I talk to that are trying to get their ex back let their ex be their sole motivation. If you do that, it’s easy to get distracted by what they are doing. I mean, when you want them back, it’s likely that you take how it will affect them with every move you make. This leaves you making moves that affect you negatively.
If you have something else driving you, you are more likely to come out of the situation with much less damage.
Rosie
March 12, 2019 at 10:15 pm
Hi Chris,
Thanks so much for your response and all of your guidance on this site. It has been so helpful.
After doing NC I have decided that I don’t want to reach out just now as I am beginning to feel happy and build myself up again.
I’m not sure that it would be an indirect way of contacting me on Instagram as we’re not even connected on it. Perhaps it’s for the nostalgia? Perhaps he thought I would look anyway? (Curiosity got the better of me!) It’s just really confusing me as it’s very strange and he hasn’t reached out at all since the breakup. He’s also been out partying and trying to hookup with random girls so it doesn’t feel like he would even try to make contact…
So confusing
Chris Seiter
March 14, 2019 at 1:29 am
Hi Rosie…you should be proud of yourself of getting to the place where you are happier and are building yourself up. If he doesn’t wake up and realize your value, its his loss.
Rosie
March 12, 2019 at 12:45 pm
Suddenly out of nowhere and after 6 weeks of NC my ex decides to post a picture of the two of us on his Instagram. He never did this when we were together!
His Instagram is public…not sure if he is hoping I will see it or what. It’s bizarre.
Will continue with NC and improving which I have been doing and posting pictures of my new life on sm. I am actually a lot happier now since the NC and it has worked wonders. Just confused as to which of these reasons my ex would decide to do this now.
Chris Seiter
March 12, 2019 at 8:41 pm
Hi Rosie! So it seems to be his way of indirectly reaching out. So six weeks of no contact might be sufficient or at least you may be very near to reaching out to your ex as I teach in my EBR Pro Program. I recommend you go pick up that resource so you understand well how to proceed going forward!
Jennifer
October 15, 2017 at 3:53 pm
Hi Chris, I’m wondering if I want to get my ex back (I’m doing no contact, haven’t failed yet, haven’t heard from him either) should I delete all of our photos together on social media? I’m not sure if that falls into the category of “showing him I’m moving on” (in a good/UG way) or if it’s desperate/obvious that I care enough to delete them (in a bad way). I would really appreciate any advice, thank you kindly
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 15, 2017 at 8:24 pm
Hi Jennifer,
No need to do that..
Dayana
September 9, 2017 at 11:22 am
Hi Chris, hope you are having great time.
3 months ago, i finally decided to respect my ex wantings and let him go. He had a follower on instagram that once i tried to ask question of him about my ex and he said he didn’t know him… anyway after sad days passed i found myself thinking about that guy. Asked him if had gf, he said no. He was ok us to make freinds… he first showed up interested into sex and when i refused he treated me cold… then i found myself really involved in him, cant stop myself not to think about him… i tried to talk it over with him… but he refuse to answer me… then when i post something on instagram about my love to him, he sometimes like the post… that’s all… nothing more… i really love him and want him to give me a chance to be wigh him… but he won’t even answer my text… messages seen without a reply… i don’t know.. what to do… what’s the problem.. please help me.
Thank you
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 13, 2017 at 12:17 pm
Hi Dayana,
Check this ones:
Do You Have The Same Values As Your Ex? (With Chase Kosterlitz)
I Miss My Ex Like Crazy! How Do I Get Him Back?
Anon
August 22, 2017 at 5:06 pm
Hi Chris and Amor!
I hope you remember my story, it’s long and complicated. Or at least have access to my previous comments.
It had been several months since contact with my ex. I had planned on just 45 days, but then I thought maybe I should just move on. So I left it alone. But a few days ago he texted me in the evening. Called me by his old nickname for me and asked if we could talk. I waited until the next morning and said “Alright. What’s up?” Then he immediately responded and asked to get lunch with me so we could talk face to face.
I didn’t answer. We have a daughter, she’s almost 2. And she is a handful! So I was dealing with her and did not have time. So a few hours later I texted “I didn’t really have time today. Maybe some other time” and he nefer replied. It’s been a few days since then.
I don’t know what his intentions were. And I didn’t want to act too eager. I do love him but I don’t want things to end up the same way they did before. If I wanted to talk to him, should I text him or wait for him to try again?
Anon
August 28, 2017 at 1:53 am
I hung out with him Friday night. He was so sweet, wanted to play with our daughter. Even had the TV on playing her favorite show! Said he was so sorry, he took me for granted and he never wanted to do that again and if I was seeing someone he understood but wanted me to give him a chance. So I talked to him, said I don’t completely trust him but I’ll talk to him. After we left he called after I put the baby to bed checking to make sure we got home alright.
The next morning he texted me good morning and he’d love to see me today. I was working and told him maybe some other time. He said okay and we texted back and forth a bit, I ended the conversation. Then after I got home from work, I texted him “What about tomorrow?” But he didn’t answer. I just assumed he was busy…but now it’s Sunday night and I still haven’t heard from him. I know we skipped a few steps . But he initiated and I turned him down every time he asked but one! And I added face to face meeting sooner just because we share a child. Did I do something wrong?
He knows I’m moving this week. Would it be a bad idea to maybe text him to come see the house or help me with it? Not that I need his help. But I was thinking maybe he didn’t respond because I hurt his feelings by not coming over
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 28, 2017 at 7:05 pm
He’ll probably text again, that’s when you say, you could come help me and (baby) when we move this (day).
Anon
August 25, 2017 at 5:40 pm
Okay so this morning I said “Sure, what do you want to talk about?” And he replied immediately “You know it’s nothing, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have contacted you”
What?!? 🙁
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 26, 2017 at 12:18 pm
you replied the right away but after that, I think he’s still not sure what to say to you.. Just let him be for now.
Anon
August 25, 2017 at 3:00 am
When he asked to get lunch I replied a few hours later with “I didn’t really have time today, maybe some other time.” And he never responded to that.
But he texted me just a few hours ago “I want to talk. I think it’s important” and I haven’t figured out how I’m going to reply. Probably need to keep it casual like you said! I was not expecting him to reach out first
If he ask to meet up again, should I just tell him to text it to me? I feel like he’s asking too much by asking to meet up right away. But I don’t want to punish him for trying
Anon
August 23, 2017 at 3:48 am
I want to ask him what he wanted to talk about. I was just worried that if I texted him it would look like he’s “back in” and I’m chasing him. Maybe I’m over thinking it. It’s just been so long since I’ve heard from him, I was surprised.
He didn’t ask anything specific. He just used his nickname for me and said “Can we talk” Then when I replied the next day he just said “Could you grab lunch with me”
Did I already push him away by not responding right away or not meeting with him when he asked? I had been thinking about reaching out to him but kept convincing myself not to. And then he reached out first and I’m totally unprepared!
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 24, 2017 at 9:59 pm
nope you didn’t, just make the conversations casual.. like when he asked if you could talk, the casual reply, “Sure, about what?” and then meet up, “Well, I can’t right now. You can just text it. Do you need to give something?” What did you reply to him about lunch?
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 22, 2017 at 10:27 pm
ask him first on what he wanted to talk about. Did he ask about his child?