My Ex Said He Doesn’t See A Future With Me- What He Meant & How To Change It

104 thoughts on “My Ex Said He Doesn’t See A Future With Me”

Abbey

January 13, 2020 at 10:26 am

I was going out with a guy for a couple of months, and it wasn’t serious but we’d discussed not wanting to date anyone but each other so I thought it was going somewhere. Until last night when he ended our situationship saying he’s really attracted to me, thinks I’m “perfect on paper” and that he doesn’t know what’s wrong with him but he didn’t see us falling in love. He said he didn’t think he felt strongly enough for me – for instance he felt more excited to see his friends the other day than me which is pretty hard to take – and he thinks I wanted something pretty serious and he’s not sure so didn’t want to mislead me. I’m pretty shattered, it was early days but I saw such potential there. We both said we wanted to be friends and didn’t like the idea of never seeing one another again. I took it okay, but I feel like I could have done better in not saying things along the lines of “I wish you’d give it a bit longer” and trying to convince him that I didn’t want a serious relationship at the moment. So I waited 24 hours and sent him a “Clean-Slate Text” just apologising for not taking it better, saying I respected his decision and that I only wanted what was best for us both. He replied saying I handled it well, that he understood and that he was sure I would bounce back quickly. I have no intentions of replying to that and going for NC now. Do you have a recommended time period for it? Do you think we have an established enough relationship for this to even work? I’m aware that in the meantime I may just get over him anyway but I would like to think we might be able to resume as friends at the end of NC and then something might spark up again slowly.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 17, 2020 at 10:08 pm

Hey Abbey, so if you are hoping to get him back then you need to follow the program and the direction it takes you, if you just want your ex back as a friend then you can reach out after you have completed a no contact, but make sure you are aware of the types of messages you should be reaching out with for the first time

Katie

January 7, 2020 at 5:10 pm

Hi, I have been reading numerous articles on this website to try and find an answer to my situation.
About a month ago, a week before Christmas, my boyfriend of four months broke up with me. We were mad about each other, he took me on amazing dates, bought me flowers, cherished me and treated me like a princess. I got a new job in November and so we spent a bit less time together but still tried to make it work. However, the break up was completely out of the blue and he said that a couple weeks prior he started to feel like “his head wasn’t in it and then my heart wasn’t in it” and he felt like carrying on would hurt me more than being honest. I was distraught and depressed for two weeks and begged him to come back so I ended up being the crazy ex. Then I found he messaged me again and said “I’ve had a think and I just don’t see it working out and it just wasn’t working in the end”. I don’t believe that intense a love that we had can go that quickly but I don’t want to beg or push him anymore because I know it’s not helping. I found this website and I’m two days into the no contact rule but I’m just wondering if you’ve got any further advice for me?

I would have given him the world and we never argued, we were incredibly happy together and went out to different places and had lots of fun. I think that his decision is based on him being confused in his mind but I know that we were perfect together and I want to restore what we had. Please help, I’m at a loss and I don’t want to lose the person I love the most.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 11, 2020 at 5:03 am

Hi Katie, I know it is awful and painful to be broken up with when you are in love with someone, but what you are not considering right at this moment that is not how your ex is feeling. That doesnt mean he didnt feel it at the start, it just means that he started to feel differently about the relationship. Its hard to understand, its hard to accept but if one person does not want to be in the relationship, we can not force them to be. Take some time to heal from the break up and work on yourself so that when you speak to your ex again you know you are at your best version of yourself and it will remind him how he fell for you in the first place.

Ray

January 5, 2020 at 7:08 pm

I was dating a guy for 5 months exclusively (agreed at week 7/8). But he broke things off on 1st Dec. Saying he wasn’t feeling it and just didnt think there was enough there to make it work. We didn’t fight or anything, we both had a great time together (he was happy and bouncy around me, danced with me in the kitchen, looked at me the right way) but for that last week he just went cold. He would text everyday to see how my day went (he initiated) and we would see each other once a week (both busy schedules). I didn’t argue about the break up. I wished him well. Gave him a Christmas gift that I had already bought. Said no hard feelings. He texted later that night thanking me and apologising again that things hadn’t worked out. I replied Have a gd xmas. Be happy. I went NC. He didn’t reach out till Xmas Day. Really nice text thanking me again for the present and hoping I had a great xmas with a x. Wasn’t sure what to do. I didnt read it till Boxing Day, didnt reply till BD night. Just said You’re welcome. Merry Christmas. Left it at that. I guess I’m wondering if he was just being nice or if he’s missing me…Will he come back? He hasn’t contacted me again since 🙁

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 8, 2020 at 8:26 pm

Hey Ray, so I would say its likely he may be missing you but you need to stop replying to his messages and stick to NC now you have to start again as of the day after Boxing Day. Working on yourself to become Ungettable to then reach out in the next 30 days as a better version of yourself

Stephanie

January 2, 2020 at 7:46 am

Hello, i broke up with my ex 2 months ago. Me and my ex together for only 3 months but we were really in love and so happy we’re going to be serious about it and we had no fight, and i feel this is the relationship i really wanted. And then suddenly he said, his father didn’t agree with our relationship because of the matter of age (i dont know if there’s something else). I’m older than him 3 years old. After the break up, we still texting and he said still in love with me but he wanted me to move on if there’s someone better than him who can give the future. but i can’t. A week ago he said, he wanted to keep like this and who knows we can be together in the future (like in relationship) BUT without status. He didn’t want status because he’s afraid that in the end we can’t be together. But i’m confused right now, what should i do? i don’t know if he’s gonna be serious about it or not.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 3, 2020 at 1:36 am

Hi Stephanie, so I advise that you life your life and amke sure it shows on social media that you are doing so as now you have had that conversation with your ex they now assume that they can ahve you back, without a title or real commitment, when they are ready. You do not want this as you are going to place yourself as a safety net. You need to make your ex worry that there is going to be someone else who is able to take you away from them, who is going to want to be with you. So while you do a no contact work on yourself, reach out at the end of your no contact but also be open to dating other people casually. No sex, just getting to know them and posting how you are out to dinner in different places this will make your ex feel the need to decide if they are going to commit to you or allow you to get to knew others

Sandy

November 21, 2019 at 2:56 pm

Hi Chris!

My issue is kind of opposite to this. I successfully completed nc, worked on myself and all that. All of the sudden my ex texted me that there are past issues he cannot overlook and if we were to ever get back together, things would have to start from clean slate and he thinks to let go he would need at least a year if it would even then go away. Then he added that if his negative past experiences with me are forgotten, he’ll marry me on the spot and have kids and a house.

HELP!! I am so confused with his message. What does he want from me?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

November 24, 2019 at 12:13 am

Hi Sandy, by the sounds of it he wants to get back together but what ever happend in the past needs to be removed / forgotten about. Only you know what he is talking about in that situation and I dont know how to advise further without knowing. If it is cheating then I assume he means that the situation or the person is out of your lives and not spoken of again.

Gargi

November 15, 2019 at 2:16 am

My boyfriend and I were in a 5+ years romantic relationship…He used to love me a lot and also respect me. Last year he moved to a different state and it has become a long distance relationship since then…He was talking about meeting soon…I told him that I have told about him to my mom and asked him when was he going to say to his parents.He became nervous and angry at that point.After that he didn’t contact.After four days I contacted him.He said he told his father about us and he didn’t accept so there is no future of us together and he wants to focus on career.He also said that “I am not saying I don’t want you,I don’t want the relationship”.After that I went through NC.After 7 days his friend messaged me that he is in pain… the next day he called me and wanted to have video call but I didn’t show interest…and after that he contacts me in a gap of 3-4days.One day he sent me a angry message for I don’t initiate contact.One day he shared his funny dance video with me…One day he said he miss me now..when I said i too miss him he changed the topic.After that I called him one day and said I am upset because I am remembering him…He politely said “Don’t think so much”…After that I posted a letter to him that I wrote before breakup but couldn’t send then…He messaged me 5 days ago that he has received it…After that he didn’t contact me.. What’s going on in his mind?What should I do to get him back?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

November 18, 2019 at 8:23 pm

Hi Gargi, so it seems that when you do the NC he gets scared but you break it by answering him. You need to ignore him for a full 30 days without replying to him. You are just giving him the reassurance that you are still available to him as an option. Now as for his parents not happy about your relationship. I dont want to assume, but is it a culture thing? If he is not going to stand up to his family about who he wants to be with and they demand he focuses on his career or another love interest that they do approve of there is not going to be much you can do until he is willing to stand up for himself. You cant do that for him. You need to make sure you do the work to become an Ungettable girl in his eyes so that he feels like he lost you and does enough to get you back in a relationship

Mie

November 14, 2019 at 7:58 pm

My bf broke up with me 10 days ago he said he doesn’tsee a future with me.we’ve been dating for 14 months.we were soo happy we never argue even once he is a truck driver he visited me every fortnight but suddenly he rang me 10 days ago and broke up with me I still love him we still in contact but we are not talking about our relationship anymore we just talk just like a friend 2 days ago I found out he went back to a dating site what should I do now ?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

November 14, 2019 at 11:28 pm

Hi Mie, so you need to go into a NC and work on the program, read up about what the stages are and how to get an ex back. Learning and following the program is your best chance of getting you where you want to be

Karen

November 13, 2019 at 6:05 pm

My boyfriend broke up with me about a month ago, after a 5+ year relationship. We never really had fights or big disagreements during that time. Everything seemed to be going well and I was excited about the next step (getting married and moving in together). But he suddenly became hesitant about it. He said we were too different and one day, out of the blue he told me that he didnt see a future together and broke up with me. I was so hurt and havent contacted him since then, and neither has he. I dont think there is another woman involved and i do think we would be very happy together, but what to do now?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

November 13, 2019 at 10:36 pm

Hi Karen you start with NC and focus on yourself while you get over the break up. But by the sounds of it he got scared of the commitment you were about to make, or the pressure of things got to him. As you were together for so long sticking to NC and living your life is key in getting him to reconsider his decision

Tatiana

November 12, 2019 at 11:21 pm

My ex and I were in a relationship for four years. We had that back and forth high school sweetheart relationship until it became solid our sophomore year and we stayed consistent up until this past July. He told me that it seemed we were just going with the flow and that he couldn’t really see us together in the future anymore. Just the month before, we were talking about living together and having a family; all things like that. We never really argued and were pretty solid. We’ve remained in contact and have been friends since, but his mind has not changed. Just recently however, he hooked up again. I know this wasn’t the best thing because I still have strong feelings for him. Should I start a 30 day no contact? He’s insistent on talking and calling at random times.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

November 13, 2019 at 11:30 pm

Hi Tatiana, so if you want to follow this program and you want him back you need to ignore him for 30 days so yes start NC. Even though he wants to talk and calling you, he wanted a break up. Give him one!! Let him miss you, he doesn’t get boyfriend privileges when he doesn’t want to be a boyfriend. Avoid seeing him and and definitely no more hooking up with him

April

November 10, 2019 at 2:37 am

Me and my ex were together for almost a year. We work at the same place but didn’t tell people cause he said he wanted to keep our personal relationship separate from work. We don’t work in the same department but do see each other every day at work. Anyway the whole time we were together he never introduced me to his friends never wanted to meet my friends and really never took me out anywhere. We usually hung out at his house but didn’t always have sex cause his mom lived with him. Whenever I would bring up about meeting his friends he would always say he just wanted to take things slow cause his ex wife hurt him bad. He would say he didn’t know if he wanted a girlfriend but would always say he could see things going somewhere with us. After almost a year he ended things with me via text while we were at work so I really couldn’t confront him about it. He said he didn’t see a future with me and basically left it at that. We broke up 5 months ago and haven’t talked or texted since he ended things. I know he led me on and didn’t treat me the way I deserve to be treated. But there is still a small part of me that wishes he would reach out and say he’s changed his mind. Realistically I know this isn’t going to happen but how can I get completely over this and move on. It’s really hard cause I have to see him everyday.
Aure

November 6, 2019 at 10:45 pm

My ex broke up with me suddenly after a party, drunk. He said he’ll never love me. I didn’t understand as everything was going well in our relationship. 2 days after he apologized and said he was lost, too busy with work and that he didn’t think he could manage our distance relationship and his work. That he overreacted that night but at the end he still think he can’t invest more and that he fears the engagement etc.
I first keep in touch and now I’m in NC since10 days but no news..
Cily

October 31, 2019 at 2:36 pm

My ex and I have been together 1,5 years. I was not very interested in him at first but he was persistent in getting me and in the end I agreed to give it a try. After a while I fell in love with him too. We’re from different countries and I went with him to his parents many times and vice versa. He often talked about marriage and children with me and seemed to want to live in my country. We are both very passionate and have had many quarrels. Often they’re triggered by his or my insecurities. I have fairly low self esteem and have strong jealousy. He also had strong jealously towards my exes although I didn’t have much contact with them. We have broken up twice recently because of quarrels brought on by my insecurities. I am constantly seeking reassurance and proof that he loves me and if I don’t get enough of it I freak out. The first time we broke up I initiated it and stormed out of his apartment. I regretted an hour later and begged him to take me back. He wouldn’t. A week went by with no contact. Then he wanted his stuff and keys back. I met him and told him I would change and promised to be better. He was reluctant. Another week went by with no contact. Then he messaged me asking why I had been silent and that he wanted me back. He said life without me would be horrible. I agreed to get back together and we stayed together approximately two weeks before pretty much the same situation happened. But this time he wanted his stuff back immediately. He said he didn’t see a future with me anymore. He said I was his dream girl when we didn’t quarrel but that he didn’t want these ups and downs anymore. I didn’t beg to have him back this time and we have been no contact for almost two weeks now. He changed his profile picture to not include me anymore after one week of no contact. He had his birthday during this time but I didn’t congratulate him since I wanted to keep no contact. I know this relationship sounds very dramatic but I really love him and feel very strongly that we should be together. Do you think that no contact will work this time and that he’ll change his mind again.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

November 9, 2019 at 12:14 am

Yes giving No Contact a go and doing it properly and working on yourself in that time is what is really important, learn about the Holy Trinity and do the work to improve the factors in your life.

Em

October 18, 2019 at 10:49 am

Help! My boyfriend broke up with me three weeks ago after a 3 year relationship. We have been no contact ever since apart from once (my gran died). I have been going over and over everything I did wrong in the relationship and am totally blaming myself for the whole thing. I feel racked with guilt. I nagged him all the time and questioned him because I have deep rooted trust issues (no reason not to trust him) it got too much and he couldn’t see a future with me so he’s walked away. Do I continue no contact or do I message and tell him I’m so sorry and that I’ve realised in hindsight that I shouldn’t have done all those things? We were so good together it’s such a shame we have ended but even more so a shame we have ended because of my actions. How do I show I would change if we aren’t speaking? He doesn’t use social media. Pls help and advise

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

October 20, 2019 at 8:51 pm

Em a relationship is a two way street so it will not just be you that made it not work. Stick to the end of your NC and don’t bring up the past you need to have a new conversation that is going to be about his interests and get him wanting to talk to you. Conversations about the past is only necessary if he brings it up when youre talking about getting back together but in that time you will have shown how youve grown by then

A bit confused

October 16, 2019 at 2:25 pm

Hi, my guy and I formally ended things a few days ago. We weren’t in a serious relationship, but we went a couple times before school got out four months ago. I ended up working the summer in the country where he lives, so I saw him a number of times. We kept in close contact, I stayed at his home and even met his family (not as a formal thing, just because he was kind enough to let me crash at his). During that time he had told me he wanted to continue seeing me back it school, that he really liked me, etc. The only problem was that I wasn’t ready to have sex with him; that’s relationship territory for me and we weren’t there yet. We didn’t see totally eye to eye on that, but I thought we were both okay with just fooling around for now. Upon returning to school, he was completely normal and asking to hang out, watch movies, grab drinks, etc. When we did eventually see each other, the next morning he was odd and mumbling things about how he would be going back to his home country after the year and didn’t know if furthering a relationship with me would be worth it just to be heartbroken later. He then cut himself off saying it was too early to be having that conversation and to forget he said anything. Of course I couldn’t, and the next time I saw him I was acting off. I had intended to just drop some passes off, but he turned it into a two-hour hangout in his room, of course pushing to make out and such – he seemed normal. I still felt weird and wasn’t really into it, and the situation was awkward when I did leave. Fast forward two weeks later, I hadn’t heard from him at all, finally asked him to coffee and he eventually said that he just doesn’t see anything romantic with me. Everything was perfectly amicable, but I’m confused since I’d had it in my head for months that we would continue seeing each other here – we have 8 more months together here, after all. Since this wasn’t a serious relationship I’m not sure what to do. I miss him and want to go back to how we were before it got weird, I like him and we get along really well. Any advice?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

October 16, 2019 at 4:17 pm

I think taking some time apart will help you and while you’re doing the NC you need to work on yourself and be open to flirting with other guys and showing interest in new people. Showing your ex that you are not going to wait around for him. The fact he doesn’t want to commit to you fully you need to make it clear you’re standing by your words and not giving him sex if you are not in a relationship

Caroline

October 3, 2019 at 11:14 am

My husband of 12 years just broke up with me 2 days ago. He has moved back to his mums whilst I stay at our house. 3 months ago he had a mental break down but did not seek treatment. After agreeing to non contact at that time he texted me after 3 days saying he missed me and suggested booking a holiday. We went on the holiday and had an amazing time. I said that I found it difficult to trust him after this and he wrote a whole letter telling me how much he loves me and that he will spend the rest of his life proving that he can get the trust back. 2 weeks later he started drinking again which was a major problem over his breakdown period. He made a commitment to not drink until his mums birthday and he had already gone out twice in that week to drink. That night he said he was only going for one drink but came back in at 2am! I texted him saying I wasn’t ready for this at the moment because we were building the trust again back in the relationship and I needed a bit more time. I also said that he made a promise not to drink. The next 2 days he stops communicating with me. He didn’t come home on the Monday night and by Tuesday he had broken up with me. He said that he didn’t see a future with me and that he doesn’t have the same feelings for me anymore and that if he were to see me with another man it wouldn’t bother him and he doesn’t feel like he wants to fight for the relationship. We have both agreed not to talk. Do you think I should just give up?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

October 3, 2019 at 10:16 pm

Hi Caroline, so its totally your call if you want to give up. But you can give this program a go to give you your best chance of getting him back if that’s what you want to do. You in the mean time need to work on you and be the best version of yourself. When we get into long term relationships we fall into patterns and get predictable, start doing interesting and adventurous things that he would never think you would do. And post to social media and any mutual friends WILL tell him what you’re doing.

Hannah

September 19, 2019 at 10:52 pm

My exboyfriend broke up with me a month ago. I have to go to college and be in the same program as him. I’ve talked to him twice since we broke up and the last time we talked he told me there was no future for us. Later that night I went to send a text to him about our class and he had blocked me. We were together for 3 months but were best friends for over a year before we started dating. I know that we had a connection and we were inseparable before we both started working our summer jobs. I want to try the NC rule but I’m so scared that I’ve lost him forever. He completely ignores me at work and at school. The two times I talked to him after the breakup he was like his old self and was happy and flirty with me. Then at the end of the second conversation he just snapped out of it and kept telling me I needed to move on. I know we only dated for 3 months but we were so happy with each other and never wanted to leave each other alone. He said he missed us just being friends as the reason of the breakup but I have a hard time believing he could just stop loving me. I really need help or advice on either to get him back or move on.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

September 21, 2019 at 5:30 pm

Hi Hannah, I know its scary but No Contact works amazing. And while doing that make sure your social media is on point looking Ungettable. Have fun and enjoy college with your friends you’ll be surprised how quickly things change if you become the best version of yourself 🙂

Moana

September 17, 2019 at 2:48 pm

My ex broke up with me 3wks ago and i have been on no contact since that. By next wk, i will be finishing my no contact. I dont know what should i do? I mean he broke up with me because he thinks there are differences and there’s no future for us anymore. I really dont know how to face and deal with him, as he will be coming over my place to pack all his stuff.
Lilian

September 16, 2019 at 2:48 pm

Hiya! I desperately need some advice..
Me and my ex have been in a serious relationship for 3 1/2 years. We started off our relationship long distance and I often flew to see him in London every twice a year. We have known each other when we were kids at primary school for just a year.
After our third year of being exclusive, he moved to his new place from his parents, and I popped by for a visit and lived with him for the past three months. I noticed that there was something really strange about his behaviour. He was being less affectionate and acted rather distant, so I thought he was probably going through a phase or having mood swings so I didn’t really take too much notice.
One day I got back home after seeing a friend for lunch, he told me there was something important he needed to tell me. I felt like he was acting rather odd.
He told me he doesn’t see a future and has lost feelings for me from a year and a half ago, and he started sobbing hard. I was totally left speechless and couldn’t believe a word he said there. How could I have not see that coming? He would regularly send me long I love you messages before I went to bed, Skype whenever he’s free and calls me every day and takes me on holidays around Europe..
So everything was a lie!? I couldn’t believe he was able to mask his feelings the entire time and not tell me how he was feeling. I found it mighty creepy..
My heart was shattered into pieces and I felt so devastated. I begged and pleaded him that night, and we both slept on separate beds.
I was so devoted and loyal to him.. We shared all our deepest darkest secrets, our likes and dislikes and shared the same interest in music. We shared our life together.
I thought he was one of the most genuine guys I have ever been in a relationship with. He was so caring, loyal and was like a breath of fresh air to me.
Just to let you know I’m my ex’s first serious girlfriend. He has never had a relationship with anyone in the past.
Would there be a possibility of a reconcilation in the future? I’m planning on flying over to London next month.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

September 17, 2019 at 9:30 am

Hi Lilian, so there is a chance of reconciliation, you will need to complete a No contact and read the program and follow through with all the information. For your best chance you need to be the best version of yourself, if he has lost feelings for you. You need to look at your relationship and think about where things had be come difficult or “boring”

Haley

September 15, 2019 at 4:45 am

My ex said hes not sure if he can see himself marrying me in the future. I’m 9 months pregnant with our daughter. We have been happy the whole year weve been together. This blindsided me. I’ve started the no contact except for baby stuff but I am due to deliver her in less than 2 weeks and he is going to be staying with me for the 1st week after she is born. How do I approach everything then?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

September 15, 2019 at 1:30 pm

Hey Haley, are you broken up? I think this situation is a difficult one for couples to deal with, is marriage that important to you that you want to get married. Did you guy say he didnt want to marry YOU, or didn’t want to get married. If you’re broken up then you complete a limited no contact, allow him to come to the birth if you’re comfortable with that and then back into your LNC

Marie

September 13, 2019 at 3:54 pm

My ex told me that he doesn’t see a future with me when he broke up with me. He said he planned on moving two hours away in 7 months when his lease was up and that he didn’t see a future with me. We had been together a year and didn’t have any problems until 9 months in (a problem that came from the way his friends treated me). He also told me there were other contributing factors such as: he didn’t want to waste my time, and his depression and him thinking he shouldn’t be in a relationship right now. I didn’t fully believe that because he said quite confidently he would be dating in 3-6 months and he then urged me to go out and find someone that could make me happy in a way he never could… This was crazy to me because up until the one incident we had been really happy. We were always happy, laughing/smiling and having a good time. The sex was great and quite active.

I speculated he met someone else, and sure enough, 13 days after our breakup he added a new girl on facebook and she happens to have a career in the field he wishes he had gone to school for/he is obsessed with. How can I make him see I’m a good investment if she has one thing I don’t (that career)?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

September 15, 2019 at 12:36 am

Hi Marie, so once you’ve done a no contact I would make sure that when you reach out you talk about his other interests, just because they share a career interest does not mean that they are well suited in other ways. Work on becoming ungettable and being the best version of yourself. This will show if you focus on your lifestyle choices and how you present yourself through social media and mutual friends

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