This is my complete guide to helping you figure out if your ex seems happy with their rebound. Over the past ten years we’ve collected a lot of data on breakups and one of the areas that we’ve made a lot of headway in is in understanding the fluid nature of rebound relationships.

Today we’re going to let you in on that research by talking about five major signs that show your ex is actually authentically happy with their rebound.

1. They won’t give you an “in” to talk to them
2. Their “rebound” is no longer a rebound.
3. The new person isn’t threatened by you at all
4. They do the bare minimum in conversations with you
5. Their investment into the rebound is substantial

Without further ado, I present authentic signs your ex is happy with their rebound.

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Sign #1: They Won’t Give You An “In” To Talk To Them

Often when I write articles like this I’m looking for real life examples to back up my points and that’s when I usually turn to our private group (getting into the group is a matter of grabbing our Ex Recovery Program but I digress…)

It didn’t take long to find an example of what I was looking for,

Basically this is what happened when one of our clients reached out to her ex. He said,

Listen, (insert name) I don’t think it’s best for there to be contact between us. It’s been just over 2 months since we broke up and if you look at the above text history there has been a lot of time of no contact. I haven’t said anything until now as I thought lack of responding would be best but I feel I need to be clear about my feelings on the situation. I honestly don’t mean to come across as harsh or blunt. I hope you understand. 

We’ve even seen some exes literally put the blame on their new girlfriend (or boyfriend) as to why they can’t talk to you. Generally speaking this is not a favorable outcome if your ex has indeed moved on to someone new.

Why?

Simply put you need an “in” to talk to your ex if you’re going to recover that relationship and if your ex is preventing you from having one then the fire can’t get restarted.

Now, that doesn’t mean you’re necessarily dead in the water. I thought coach Anna had a brilliant way to handle this circumstance which is outlined in this video,

Basically if your ex becomes defensive when you reach out to them one of the smartest things you can do is employ John Gottman’s antidote to defensiveness.

To quote Anna’s take on how to approach a defensive ex,

The antidote to defensiveness is essentially this, restate the other person’s position, state how they are right, and then once you do that it makes them less defensive because their walls are coming down. You’ve basically said they’re right. After that you then state your position. My response to an exes new person asking him to stop talking to me is essentially that. That’s why you’re asking your ex his or her thoughts, that’s why then you’re stating how you can see that point of view, and then you’re asserting your position by saying the other people that I’m dating don’t have a problem with it. However, if this new person is insecure about us, I can definitely stop talking to you for a little bit, if that would make her feel better or him feel better.

Brilliant.

(Chef kiss.)

Sign #2: Their “Rebound” Is No Longer A Rebound

Do yourself a favor and watch this quick video,

I filmed this because one of the most disappointing things I came across in my research of rebounds was a lack of research on how long the typical rebound relationship lasted. So, in true crazy chris style I decided to conduct my own research.

Our research has indicated that the average rebound relationship will last 5.2 months but can last longer in certain circumstances. It will all depend on when the honeymoon period wears off.

And I bring this up because the general consensus among the public when it comes to rebound relationships is that an ex who enters one is just simply using that new person as a distraction from the pain they feel from breaking up with you.

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But again, that’s not always true.

Sometimes what starts off as an intended rebound can evolve into something greater and more meaningful. Relationships are fluid like that. This why I decided to do so much research on how long rebounds last.

It’s never as simple as the math formula I’m about to present but it can give you a rudimentary expectation.

If your ex has been with their “rebound” for longer than 5.2 months then this person is probably no longer a rebound. That doesn’t mean a breakup won’t occur it just won’t occur soon.

Sign #3: The New Person Isn’t Threatened By You At All

It can be argued that the greatest contribution to the breakup industry that I’ve made is this concept called “the being there method.”

My argument has always been that as long as you maintain emotional control and mimic secure attachment tendencies while being friends with your ex the new person they are with will self destruct.

I should also mention that the being there method is perhaps our most “morally grey” strategy. I’ll never forget the time that I conducted a Facebook Live in our private support group and got called out for it being unethical by a therapist.

The woman wasn’t technically wrong, it definitely can be unethical but I suppose that’s an argument based on the intent of how you use the strategy. The way I try to teach it is to simply take control of your anxious tendencies and shift them towards being more secure. You don’t step over the line with your ex when they have the new person. You are just simply that secure ex they have that’s always around.

And that’s enough to make anyone new feel threatened.

But what happens if the new person isn’t threatened at all? What happens if that new person is secure themselves?

It’s rare but it definitely happens.

Story time!

I met my wife at a very strange time in my life. I was in the beginning stages of building this website and business up and had been single for years mostly due to the fact that I was scared to let anyone in for fear of being hurt.

Remember, I’m a dismissive avoidant.

I had been in a relationship where I was constantly living in fear of getting cheated on and as a result that brought my most insecure tendencies to the forefront. So, when I met my wife and we started dating there was one thing about her Facebook profile that bugged the hell out of me and it was all rooted in past trauma. She still had pictures of her past relationships up.

Why?

What is this trickery?

I didn’t understand but it was the beginning of the relationship and I didn’t want to seem too needy so I said nothing and allowed it to fester. Eventually there’d be these moments where it would come to a head and we would have these arguments about it and it was through understanding her perspective that I finally got to understand how a secure person handled breakups.

She was so busy in her life that she didn’t even remember the pictures were up. She just simply didn’t care. There were bigger fish to fry for her.

She did end up taking the pictures down since it bugged me so much but in the end it taught me a valuable lesson.

I’m insecure.

And secure people have so much fulfillment in their lives that they don’t really even pay attention to social media or petty things like pictures.

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The same principle can be applied here to your exes rebound. If that rebound isn’t acting insecure about you being in the picture still then that’s usually a situation in which your ex can find happiness.

Not necessarily that they will find it but they can.

Sign #4: They Do The Bare Minimum In Conversations With You

This sign is kind of an extension of sign #1 in the fact that with that one your ex is being negative to you in some way.

With this one they aren’t being negative but they aren’t being positive. You’re caught in limbo land of neutral responses permanently. What can that look like?

Here’s the trifecta of what you’re looking for in text form,

1. One word responses
2. Never engaging fully in a conversation
3. Going hours or days without responding and then finally responding with a neutral response

Essentially the subtext behind all the passive aggressiveness and one word responses is that they don’t want to be rude to you but they aren’t interested in you. Another potential element you need to look out for is potentially they’re spending so much time with the new person that they feel uncomfortable rapport building with you.

This is why I feel it’s very important that you’re looking for a consistent theme of neutrality in text messages. We’ve literally had clients have exes who do the whole Jekyll and Hide approach when they are with their exes vs when they aren’t.

More specifically, they are afraid of getting caught talking to you when they are with the new person.

So, if you’re finding this Jekyll and Hide approach know that this is not technically what we’re talking about here. We’re looking for constant neutrality across all interactions with you post breakup.

Sign #5: The Investment Into The Rebound Is Substantial

One of the most undervalued articles I ever wrote revolved around commitment. In it I argue that there are six tenets for commitment,

1. Satisfaction
2. Alternatives
3. Investment
4. Scarcity
5. Fear of Loss
6. Urgency

But if you were to pick one that’s considered to be the “most important” factor it would be investment. The truth is that investment comes in many forms,

• Emotional investment
• Time investment
• Money investment

For the purposes of this article we’re going to be looking at your exes rebound into their commitment as being one of the very best ways to determine if they’re happy with that rebound.

It’s easy to get tricked here. I’ve seen women freak out when they hear their ex is taking the rebound ring shopping. To me that doesn’t mean much if it’s a rebound. I’m looking for real forms of investment.

Sticking with the ring analogy it would matter if he bought her a ring not that they looked at one but that example is unlikely to happen in your case and veers on the extreme end of the spectrum.

What are some realistic forms of investment into a rebound that need to get you worried?

1. How much time they spend with their ex
2. Their living arrangements (are they living together)
3. How much money your ex has spent on this new person

Those are the three big forms of investment we’ve noticed happen when “rebounds” end up being something more to your ex.