My Ex Wants To Be Friends- Find Out Why And What You Should Do

108 thoughts on “My Ex Wants To Be Friends”

Megan

March 24, 2020 at 3:15 pm

Hey there,

I have not spoken with my ex for about a month (since we’ve broken up). He finally reached out to me last night and was asking questions. I was very brief with him but he then realized it and said, “I thought we were friends.” I’ll leave you alone if you want. I simply responded we could be friends but I have not texted him or called him since. He initially called me to ask when I was going to pick something up that I left there but then started asking questions about my job and my dating life. Again, I was brief. Should I tell him that I don’t want to be friends? I have started dating again but nothing too serious. Thank you.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

March 28, 2020 at 9:06 pm

Hi Megan if you do not want your ex back, or want to be friends either then I would just NC him rather than having those sort of conversations

Veronica

March 17, 2020 at 11:38 pm

Hi I was in a relationship with my ex for 2.5 years we broke up on January 27 because we weren’t happy he decided to work on himself and wasn’t prepared for relationship anymore but we were friends andhe would flirt with me and we almost met up at a hotel to hook up but last minute he canceled because he realized it was not a good idea i was upset because i felt played. He’s at a rehab trying to grow on himself to better his life but i was supported and was always there for him after he started to ignore me i started to insult him and got crazy and mean to him because I was hurt he suddenly agreed to stay friends with me after he said that he stopped loving me but that his boundaries were up and wants his space. He keeps telling me that I deserve to be happy and that he hopes i get laid and added a happy face . Why does he keep telling me that I should get laid. Do you think is a good idea to be friends with my ex? If i show him that I’m not interested in sex with him will it make him win me back?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

March 20, 2020 at 10:09 pm

Hi Veronica if you want your ex back then you need to complete a No Contact, and you do not friendzone yourself if you want a relationship. Unless he gets into a relationship with someone else. You need to work the Ungettable information to show you’re ex what he has lost by letting you go. Use social media and mutual friends to enforce this. You need to not entertain even having sex with him while you are out of a relationship as you do not want to fall into friends with benefits situation either.

H

February 26, 2020 at 11:26 am

Hi Shaunna,

Noticed a lot of postings on situations, just wondering if some people could post their success or unsuccessful stories on here?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

February 26, 2020 at 9:57 pm

Hi H there are success stories posted as articles, along with YouTube videos where Chris has interviews with the success stories if you want to go check it out

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z1jMYwzkpOM

Jenn

February 18, 2020 at 1:52 am

My ex and I split up on the weekend. We’ve been long distance for a while, his work has been overwhelming, and he’s relly anxious and down. He’s been wishy washy about us for a bit (no sex drive from stress so he says he doesn’t feel the spark, read that article too). But he had the audacity to ask if we could just stay best friends and if I could come visit as a friend. I asked him why he would make an effort to keep me as a friend but not a girlfriend, no answer. I asked him what he would do when I started talking about guys I was dating and he didn’t seem happy, said ‘we don’t have to talk about it’. He’s obviously conflicted. I’ve asked him not to contact me, and I’ve gone NC. How long should I go for?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

February 20, 2020 at 11:03 pm

I would suggest 30 days No Contact

Monica

February 16, 2020 at 7:44 pm

Hi! So my ex boyfriend and I broke up because he feels that I’m constantly hiding things from him and not telling him stuff right away. He constantly push me to open up about my feelings which is something hard for me to do because I have trouble expressing my feelings. He wants to be friends with me after we broke up but admits that he still have love and feelings for me which is very confusing for me as well. What would be the real reason why he won’t let me go?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

February 16, 2020 at 8:40 pm

Hey Monica, it sounds as if he is being honest, he wanted you to open up to him. But wants to keep you as a friend more likely because he still has some feelings for you

Sandy

February 6, 2020 at 9:57 pm

Hi,

My ex boyfriend of four years just broke up with me. We did long distance for the middle 18 months of the relationship and I finally got a job in the same city last summer. He just bought a house and we were finally going to move in together. He gave me the keys to move my stuff in then blanked me over xmas so I knew something was up. He told me he felt differently because we never see each other (through his faults) and that he didn’t fancy me as much anymore. He said he wanted to try so we did. 3 weeks later I still felt like he wasn’t making the effort so I told him that if he doesn’t let me, he should let me go. He said he was scared of me walking out the door and never coming back. We carried on and finally I had enough to I ended it. He finally admitted that he wasn’t in love with me but loved me as a best friend and didn’t want to give that up until he was sure we wouldn’t be able to fix it. He said he wants to stay friends but I want him to regret it. He lives alone but has plenty of friends and has openly admitted he will think of something else when he has thoughts about his future and the fact I won’t be doing all the things we used to do together, again. He said he wants to see me again in maybe a years time when he’s had space and I’ve had space. He didn’t want to keep something of mine that he slept with nightly because it would remind me of him. He also said he would miss our conversations (daily for 4 years). He’s never been one to be open with his feelings and I worry that even if he did regret it, he would never tell me.

What should I make of all this?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

February 8, 2020 at 4:59 pm

Hey Sandy, so if you want him back then I think you’d have a good chance but you have to know what you want and during that time work to become Ungettable. And showing him what hes lost through mutual friends and social media. He is going to miss you as you said you spoke daily for 4 years thats a big part of his life that is not there, which is why it is sooooo important that you complete a NO Contact

Lilly

February 5, 2020 at 4:53 am

My ex and I have been on and off for 7 years. For 4 of those years we were doing long distance. It was hard on both of us. I made the decision to move to where he lives (which is also closer to my family and where I grew up). He had been looking forward to this move, saying things like “Now we can finally give this a real shot” or “I’m so excited to work on our future together. The month I was set to move, we had a fight. Ever since then he had been distant and said we had lost the spark. He broke up with me 2 weeks ago but was very adamant on staying friends. I agreed but want more. I read your article about how this can only work if I go through the hierarchy. Part of me wants to ignore him and go through the NC rule? Will this work? He’s also the type to show up to my apartment.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

February 8, 2020 at 7:09 pm

Hey Lilly yes you still need to do No contact, him wanting to stay friends is to clear his conscience for ending the relationship. You need to go into NC to let him feel the loss of you in his life, which after 7 years is going to hit him hard when he realises you are willing to walk away from him. Focus on yourself and do what is goign to work best for you for some time. And then at the end of a 30 day No Contact you can reach out with a text like Chris suggests to open the window for conversation and work your way up the value ladder again. Do not friendzone yourself unless he is to get into a relationship with someone else, thats when you work the being there method isntead

Stephenie

January 7, 2020 at 7:07 pm

Hi Chris,
My ex and I have been together for four years and have been in love with each other since six years or more. We broke up when he told me he had begun to see me as best friend and with a physical angle. When I broke up, he still kept pleading to be a friend. When I agreed, he keeps making moves all the damn time. I’ve tried the NC zone three times as of now, but each time he gets back he does the same. Acts like friends but makes moves for a lot more. Please tell me what to do. When we started we had a passionate and really loving relationship. And sometimes he even tells me he loves me just not the way he did before. But wouldn’t even say he wants a relationship. What do I do?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 7, 2020 at 10:35 pm

Hey Stephanie, if you want him back and you feel he does not want a relationship it means that you need to work on being Ungettable and show him that you are the best he is going to get, ever. So when he starts thinking about you as the best, and realises that others could easily be with you (by you being open to dating casually) he is going to then consider if he wants to be single more than he wants you. It is difficult to change someones mind, but if you can get to a stage where you are meeting up in romantic settings he will start thinking of you in that way again

Nat

January 4, 2020 at 10:43 pm

Hello….

My ex and I have been hanging out, anyway last night we played a card game just the two of us which ended in us asking eachother questions.. And ultimately us getting a bit deep.

He said two very different statements during the night that I’m not sure how I interpret either of them

1. I’ve been anxious because I’ve had second thoughts, about us breaking up.

2. We work better as friends

How the he’ll do I interpret either of them.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 4, 2020 at 11:12 pm

It shows he is thinking about you in the romantic sense, so if you want him back then you need to keep putting him in romantic situations and flirting but not giving up sex in the mean time, at least not until you are officially together. He needs to consider if you are someone he can be with so you need to be the best girl that there is out there for him

M

December 19, 2019 at 1:26 am

Hello 🙂
So my ex broke up with me about two months ago, after two successful years together— we shared a friend group, we’d traveled together, we were into a lot of the same music/books/media, etc. He was coping with a lot of depression and anxiety things, as well as some stuff in his home life for the duration of the relationship, much of which came to a head when I went through a really rough time with family stuff on MY end and he didn’t have the emotional bandwidth to support me and deal with his own stuff at the same time. He broke up with me, saying that he’d rather have me in a friend context.
After a couple of very tear-filled weeks and one really nasty interaction, I went fully NC for a month, until he contacted me saying he wanted to be responsible for his actions and the impact he’d had on me, and that he wanted to be my friend because he says he misses being close with me and wants to get to know me again. The thing is, he’s “talking to” someone (and has been since our breakup), and while it’s undefined and he says that he’s committed to a friendship with me and to being close with me, I consider the person he’s “talking to” toxic and I don’t want THEM anywhere near me. My ex insists that he can keep his maybe-relationship with them separate from his friendship with me, but I’m dubious. My ex also said that he regrets not trying to make things work between me and him.
Any tips for how to interpret and/or deal with what’s going on?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

December 22, 2019 at 4:38 pm

Hey M, so you need to read about the being there method, but I suggest you also let your ex worry if you are “talking to” someone else too, because he probably assumes you are sat around waiting for him to come back to you based on the interactions do not be an option, make sure you are the better choice to be with. Reading and understanding the being there method and the ungettable girl posts form Chris is essential in your sitaution

Natalie

December 18, 2019 at 2:03 am

Hi there, I need some advice, my ex and I had quite a messy break up – we both had our faults, after a while, he did end up wanting to be in my life, telling me he missed me and that I will always be his best friend and that his door is always open to me – unfortunately I did make the mistake of sleeping with him and it obviously made it worse because we were just friends and then when I needed him the most he cut me off and I realized he had been lying to me the whole time and was seeing someone else so I blocked him on all social platforms, except for Instagram, he manipulated me into unblocking him and recently has been watching my stories on Instagram, he the messaged me to say that he misses me and that he hopes we are still friends, I proceeded mistakenly by saying ya don’t worry about we are still friends and I miss you too – he became quite awkward when I said that immediately. I then found out that he was seeing his ex again on the same night he messaged me this and after I had said yes we can be friends….after finding out this info, do I respond to it? Do I just not say anything? Because now I actually don’t want to be friends after I found out the truth and I’m waiting for him to pay me some money he owes me so I’m not sure if I should block him just yet or even say anything regarding this truth that I heard… they say silence is golden, shall I just leave it be and move on with my life or tell him listen I actually don’t want to be friends…after he pays me?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

December 22, 2019 at 5:34 pm

Hi Natalie if you want your ex back then you need to learn about the being there method and how to implement it. If you have completed a no contact then keep in touch but do not mention that you know he is with the ex again. Just act as if you didnt know and treat him as a friend while you learn how to follow the being there method and how to be the ungettable girl too

A

December 14, 2019 at 7:19 pm

Hi guys
I really need some advice as I’m feeling frustrated for a little while now. My ex and I broke up back in Feb after nearly 4 years and recently have been liking posts on social media of eachother back and forth for a bit which I’ve noticed (sometimes I will like something of his and then he would like something of mine, indirect communication) but there has been no direct contact with us yet. I did reach out on his birthday and we had small talk but since that there has been nothing. He added me on Facebook around 3 months ago and then we started following eachother again on instagram, it’s all been a very subtle and gradual process.. But I’m worried that my ex just wants a friendship and sees me as just a friend but we actually haven’t had a conversation to make things clear about that. I would be open to seeing where things go. I have healed over the last few months and I’m in a different place now but I’m still working on myself and things in my life at the moment..but there’s times where I do miss him and would like to talk. I still feel connected to him but I don’t know how he feels about me. I know he still cares but I do want to be cautious. Our breakup wasn’t a messy one, it was hurtful but I removed myself from the situation straight away and never reached out after he ended it and removed him from my life so in that sense I handled it well and did what was best in order to heal. Any advice to perhaps get the lines of communication open and how to navigate a situation like this without being friendzoned so he could see me as a potential partner again? Thanks for your help 🙂

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

December 15, 2019 at 10:42 pm

Hi A as you are back in touch and speak often you need to try the flirt/friend zone/ flirt with your ex to see the type of response you have from him and increase the flirting if he responds well. the main thing you need to remember that you do not give him any boyfriend privileges before you are back together officially

Noelle

December 12, 2019 at 3:07 am

My ex romantic liaison (not ex-boyfriend, someone I was trying to date) decided that we shouldn’t date due to our different core values, distance (we are five hours apart) and the stresses that it puts on us. Briefly speaking, we were taking for almost three months, spent an entire weekend together. He had suggested that we date (openly) and spend an entire two weekends a month together before becoming exclusive. I had said I needed to think about it because I felt that with being long-distance, we would provide some sort of commitment to one another. Example, how is it fair if you’re “dating” someone long-distance and also “dating” someone locally? We both took our responses in our discussion under advisement. I had accepted that we try “dating” because I wanted things to work out between us and he changed his decision and decided it would be best to part ways. He said he would like to be friends and still stay in contact as much as we were when we were trying to date, which is everyday. I actually don’t want to be his friend, I only agreed to because I was devastated, pleading, etc. he decided in the early stages and felt we weren’t given a fair chance.

I tried to implement the NC rule, but he messaged me within 72 hours and if I message him, he replied to me within a second (I’m not exaggerating). My questions are (and I’ve purchased the book by the way): 1. Does the NC rule work for an attempted relationship? 2. If it does, can I just initiate it even though he thinks we are friends? He’s in his 40’s and I’m in my 30’s.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

December 15, 2019 at 7:11 pm

Hey Noelle, so yes you can give this program a go but you need to stick to it. Which means you do not reply to messages from him when you are in No Contact and you do not reach out to him at all. IF you have bought the EBR Pro then you need to read it and make sure that you full understand what it is that you need to do!

Savannah

December 6, 2019 at 11:14 pm

I broke up with him over a year ago and have regrets ever since. He and I to back and for every few months since the break up. He told me over and over he loves me I’m the best girlfriend ever, but always tells me he’s not ready for a relationship again. I haven’t ask about a relationship, but he tell me anyway. August of this year he told me he had a girlfriend and he was committed to her. I told him best wishes and to not contact me again. After two month I felt like I was finally moving on. October he reaches out because they’re having problems. They broke up a few weeks ago and I went and stayed at his place, we had a great time and everything was good. This week we were planning to see each other again he was helping me with something. He said he really needed to talk to me, he ended up saying he doesn’t want a relationship and just wants to be friends for now. I ask if he was getting back with the new girl and he said he’s not sure and she’s asking the same about me. We had a nice time I played it cool he told me how he’s scared if we got back together I would break his heart again how much he loves me on and on. I felt sad after he left knowing I want more than a friendship. He texted me several times and when I didn’t reply he called. When I answered I broke down and told him how much I loved him and wanted him back. I haven’t heard from him since. I feel so stupid I had done so good, by telling him he had to do what’s best for him and I would give him space, but after breaking down to him the next day now I seem very needy. What should I do at this point? Thank you, for your help

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

December 8, 2019 at 10:08 pm

Hi Savannah, so there is articles on this website that Chris has done that explains what to do when you have had a long term break up, but you need to do a short No Contact so that your ex thinks you are starting to move on with your life. You need to do the research into what it takes to become the Ungettable girl, and what it is your ex finds appealing in a partner and make it seem that you are the best person he is ever going to get

Zoe

December 6, 2019 at 6:29 pm

My ex broke up with me after 3yrs relationship. We’d lived for 2.5 yrs and I moved out 2 days ago. He told me that he loves me so so much and I’m his best friends and I’m the best girl he has never met, but, for the future he is not sure if I’m the right one or if he wants spend the rest of his life to stay with me . He wants be my best friend as well and follows his heart to see if he really misses me. I totally understand he gave up our relationship because of not 100%love or not the best for his standards, but I’m hurt , I want keep in touch with him to see if we have chance in the future, I also don’t want help him heal from me. What should I do…

Sincerely
Zoe

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

December 6, 2019 at 9:42 pm

Hey Zoe, so you no contact him and do not reply to him if he reaches out, unless he says he made a mistake and WANT TO GET BACK TOGETHER. Then you can answer, other wise do not reply for 30 days minimum. In that time work on yourself and socialise with your friends.

Johnny

November 20, 2019 at 8:11 pm

My ex just broke up with me after 2 Years, she felt as if the relationship wasnt growing even though we were both happy with eachother. She felt as if i were holding her back and she needed to explore things herself. She told me she didnt want to be with anyone or committed to anyone she told me she made up her mind and didnt want to continue the relationship. I asked her if she could then just delete me off social media but she refused and said she wish to stay friends and will forever have me in her heart. She said im free to delete her though. I dont know if I should or not. I really love her and would love to have her in my life but respect her decisions but i dont know if i can move on having her on social media as of now. Should I delete and do no contact and wait to see what happens or should I try to fix things with her right now? Thanks hopefully I get a reply because I just lost my best friend and dont really have anyone to talk to.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

November 23, 2019 at 11:47 pm

Hey Johnny, so you need to do things that she wanted to do without her, for example if she wanted to go visit a city or go travelling do those things and post to social media so that she realises that shes missed out on that opportunity and she should have stuck with you. Making sure you complete a full No Contact first before you reach out to her, but do thing sthat you know she would have loved ot have done and experience interesting things os you have plenty to speak about when you are done with No Contact

Miss Toonice

November 20, 2019 at 11:43 am

Hi
I was with my Ex for 1 year .. it was great, he was really keen and telling me how happy he was since he met me and he loved me, however in the last 3 months of the relationship he slowly started to deal with an episode of deperssion – he has experienced it previously once before following the break up of his marriage and had been very open about it and how he dealt with it. He was open when he could feel it coming on again when we were together and tried to use the same strategies to work through it and we chatted about it and it explained some of the changes in his behaviour ( that had been extreme reactions to a couple of conversations that was upsetting)
As it progressed he acknowleged that he needed more help and spoke with Dr and started to see a councillor – he asked me to be patient and said I was being perfect with him
A few weeks later he called ( didnt some to see me) to say that he couldnt put me through this and he needed to sort his head out and work on getting through it – we agreed to ‘taking some time out’ and would check in on each other – which we did. I read up loads on the illness to help support and took the key advice of always letting them know you are there and not taking things personally, and that loved ones do push people away but deep down dont want that
So when he contacted me again – to say he had tried to put a timeline on getting past this and it wasnt getting better ( i had never asked for a timeline) so he needs to end things all together and he needs time on his own and not in a relationship to work on things
I accepted that but as mentioned re above dperession advice said that would always be there and support for him and wasnt going anywhere and when he was clear of mind we could talk about the break
So I kept checking in and he was OK sometimes and other times not very nice and after a while he said that he needs to end things properly we are not together and never will be and I have to stop saying he can have a hug or being reminded of him being in a bad way and it was all just too much ( I had never tried to remind him this) and it came to a head
As before I tried not to take it personally but as a first time experience of supporting someone I loved I will admit that my mistake was that I tried to hard – checking in every 3-4 days seemed like and age to me but looking back I should have given more space ( but it killed me to try and figure out if it was the illness or whether this guy no longer wanted to be with me – all while being the person I am and wanting to be there for him regardless of lable)
I apologied for this ( felt so bad I had mde things worse for him) and said I wouldnt contact him again – I didnt and 2 weeks later he initiated contact ( at this point this had al been just over 2 month) – and we chatted on text. Baby steps light conversation and it was positive which made me feel good.
After a couple of chats I approached how he was feeling and at this point he said he was feeling loads better and wants to get out of bed and doesnt feel worried about everything and is in a better place – I was really pleased for him
We carried on chatting small talk, sometimes I felt I was asking questions and he was just giving short answers and then he would suprise me and ask about me
A few weeks later we ended up having a really open conversation about things and he apologised for how he had been and everything and thanking me for understanding and that he was sorry things didnt work out ( so confirming that yep he doesnt want to be with me – clear headed)
I accepted the apology and told him it was hard to balance support and wonder if
he meant the break or not etc – and said that I missed ‘us’ but if its what he needed then I accepted it.
He said that he was comfortable with his alone time but who knows what will happen and also said he was sorry it came out of the blue (for me) but he just couldnt carry on with us and he had been thinking since he had asked for space that he wasnt ready and just enjoyed his alone time and nothing else but in weeks or months may hate it etc
I thanked him for letting me know ( secretly felt that there was an opening there – or was it just a carrot or disclaimer cos he had someone else – I didnt ask cos I didnt want to push)
He asked to stay in touch – but I wasnt sure so I bottled it and just ignored the ask and said Take care – glad we chatted etc
A few days later he contacted me to ask if I was OK – which was nice
He contated me again the day after and we chatted – but again it went to me asking and him just seemingly responding ( this was about 6 weeks ago)
The following week I contacted him about a shared subscription I was using as it had logged out and thought he had removed me – I said if he has its OK considering situation. He replied saying no it was a system thing and of course its OK to use as ‘were are friends arent we’ – so I plucked up the courage to say – I am not really sure if Im ready just yet on the whole just friends etc – I dont know how I feel – and I asked if I could ask him why he wanted to be in contact ( I know I did cos I still have feelings for him – but I dont want to be a mug hanging on if he just wanted a crutch)
His reponse was cold and well I thought we could be friends but clearly not so fine lets leave it (he did however say I could still use the subscription!!??)
He then blocked me immediatley from everything
I rang him at this point and was shocked at how angry he was with me – saying I thought this was amicable and he had been responding to texts and I had liked his posts etc – he didnt let me speak for a good few mins – when I got the chance to say I didnt say I didnt want to be friends I was just trying to convey my honest feelings over how I am not sure if I can be at the moment – I dont want to experience being a mate and seeing him move on with someone new ( to which he said – well I could be thinking the same about you !!! – he was the one who dumped me)
Anyway – he calmed down and we had a small chat where I tried to explain and say that things during him being ill were not the nicest to deal with etc and he seemed OK and said he had blocked me as a reaction and not thinking – we ended the call saying, lets see how it goes
A week went on and he didnt unblock me or contact – so I decided to send a text saying a but hurt still blocked and apologieed that he got upset but ask I still had feeling for him, its not that I dont want to be friends but not sure its the right thing to do etc and I have to look out for myself too – but I dont want to cut ties
He replied straight away saying again he blocked me as a reaction – I said OK and if he wants to keep it that way then I understand – he unblocked
We chatted a few days later and even a really nice catch up on the phone – he was giving me TV advice
Last week he instigated contact about a finale of a TV show we watched – and we had a small chat on text – but again went to simple replies from him and no asks about me – but it was nice to be in contact
I have tried to leave it to him to instigate contact since – but I have instigated a couple of times but not every day and he always replied
Anyway last weekend I found out through someone he knows who I am aquaintence of that he has been saying to people that he was never really into me and that he is chatting to someone at work and he is really really into her ( not sure why this person had to be soo forceful on that point) – I was hurt more about thinking he was saying he was never that bothered about me and that he is really into someone else more than anything – anyway it was quite late but one of my friends ( wirhout my knowledge at all – I would have never aked this) contacted him – I was upset and we had a few words mainly me apologising for himbeing contacted in the middle of night
The day after I got a text asking me to tell everyone to stop sending him messages at night ( which I totally agree with – but it was first time throughout all of this) he did acknoledge that he knew it wasnt me and wasnt blaming me but to stop talking about him at the pub as we have been over for a very long time now and it needs to stop and just move on ( in total from him pushing me away while ill to now is 4 months half of which )
I replied to say he wasnt taked about ( he isnt – apart from me to my close friends and mainly when he was illl) and that it wasnt me -but could we chat about what I had been told / heard
He said no we will juse leave things there as we had been over for a very long time. I had to say to stop throwing that in my face as for me this was still raw and hadnt had the same time as he has had as for half of this I didnt know what to think or feel about it while he was going through things
We have left it there but last night I decided to send the acceptance have goodbye text – as I do not want bad feeling with anyone as I am not that person and in the end it is what it is and wish him well
I still have big feelings for him and our time was great and i feel robbed because of his illness but now I am wondering given what he seems to be telling people whether he was going through things as bad as it appeared or was just a method of removing himself without much come back – and also to be soooo into someone new already – it hurts
Apologies this was sooo long, but felt the need to get it out – I am working on myself but do wonder if his behaviour is to be expected of someone who is still invested or not?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

November 23, 2019 at 9:10 pm

Hi Miss too nice, so I wouldn’t have said he was an invested as much as you want him to be. I think hes had time to process how he feels and come to a point where he was comfortable enough to let him go. So if you want him back you are going to have to work on how to reattract him from the start, as if it was a new person again. Look up what Ungettable means and how you can apply this to yourself and also look up the value chain so that you can build up your connection with him gradually.

There is still the mental health aspect you need to take into consideration he is telling you that he cant do a relationship right now and is trying to work on himself, so you have to respect that is his decision and he may not be ready for a committed relationship for some time.

Marilyn H.

November 19, 2019 at 8:56 pm

Hi Chris,
Like a few of the other Ladies, I too initiated a no contact at least 4 times. What started out as a friendship then turned into a bit more, went sour after he lied to me and was caught with his side order (other “friend”). There was a lot of drama, and I wanted no part of it. So, I told him that it’s best we not continue this “friendship” and I wanted no contact, it was best. A few weeks pass and he writes me, apologizes for acting like an idiot and yet again lies about his side order. Drama starts all over, I yet again cut contact, weeks go by and he sees me and texts me. This happens often. The last contact we had I looked him in the eyes and said please do not contact me, I cannot and will not be your friend. 4 months go by and we see each other briefly in passing and then out of the blue I get a text message, to which I reply to please delete my number and forget me, i’ve said what needed to be said. Again, he waits a few weeks then texts me again. He even tells my best friend and another mutual friend that he misses me. I truly think he just misses my kindness, and he’s always commenting on how good I look. I don’t know what he’s exactly out to accomplish because I’ve told him, we cannot be friends and he is not ready for a real relationship- especially with me. I don’t believe in having to block someone if it’s not really necessary (he’s not a stalker or crazy person), but why doesn’t he just move on and let go? I’ve made my point and he still has his side order, so why bother me? He doesn’t want a relationship, and I can’t do friends- maybe some day, but not anytime soon. I truly cared more than I should have and I’ve been lied to, hurt, and led on. His side order has also complicated things for me and is very obsessive of him, although he says they’re only friends nothing more. I want no part of a threesome. It’s actually very simple, everyone’s happy if he just left me alone and stays with his decision- he chose her and should stick with that.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

November 19, 2019 at 10:12 pm

Hi Marilyn by the sounds of things he is enjoying the chase, and not liking the fact that he does not have the option to speak to you. While I agree with your method here where he does not want a relationship with anyone right now that you keep your distance, until he is rid of the friend with benefits girl you need to stick to your boundaries. Being his friend and refusing to be intimate with him may work you up the value chain to get him to commit to you if you wanted that. But it does depend if you are strong enough to refuse any physical contact while he is not your boyfriend

Dee

November 16, 2019 at 2:21 am

Hi Chris,

So I dated my ex for 5 years before we mutually agreed I start talking to someone else cz I needed to settle and he wasn’t ready. That led a a breakup, a week after no contact I contacted him and he said he’s done with the relationship and nothing will make him change his mind. It’s now a month down the line and I always find myself so desperate in trying to get him back. He says we can be friends but I should never talk about our past. What should I do to get over him?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

November 18, 2019 at 9:32 pm

Hi Dee you need to start dating casually and also need to give him a full 30 days and read up on the Ungettable girl and how to follow the program properly

Anthony

November 13, 2019 at 11:51 pm

I was dating this girl who I have a 2.5 yrs on and off history. I messed things up by being insecure and assuming things before pulling some stalker stuff. She got scared but hasn’t cut me off and says I need to get in therapy, which I have. She says she only sees me potentially as a strong friend and cannot guarantee a relationship, but didnt say never. I been giving her space and letting her hit me up and not blowing her up. I just want to know since she didn’t totally cut me off and knows I’m trying to better myself, do I still have a shot? Or is it over? I need to show I’m confident which I have the last couple days by not smothering her. I also know she is getting to know other coworkers but says most likely not things will develop, is she giving me a chance to prove myself? Or should I just move on. Thanks

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

November 14, 2019 at 12:04 am

Hi Anthony, so with your behavior I would say you’ve given yourself a slim chance but if you follow the program and prove you have done some serious emotional control work so that when you next speak to your ex she sees you are not the person you used to be. But that change does have to be genuine on your part.

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