My Ex Wants To Be Friends- Find Out Why And What You Should Do

108 thoughts on “My Ex Wants To Be Friends”

Tracy

November 4, 2019 at 10:08 am

I’m wondering what it means when a guy you keep telling to stop contacting you, is thinking when he does it anyway. I initiated a NC 3x! He chose to drop me over his “friend”. Yet, after a few weeks pass he contacts me. His excuse is a stupid one. He says I look great, and he misses me (my personality). Really, that’s your reason? I, for instance would only contact someone if I truly loved them wanted to make things work, especially if I had what I chose and let the other go. Am I wrong?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

November 9, 2019 at 2:36 pm

Tracy, he is reaching out when he is missing you and you reply which to him is assurance that you are still waiting for him you need to do a full Nc where you do not reply to his messages. You need to go a full 30 days without replying to him, or messaging him first. That is why hes contacting you. And he tells you to stop contacting him because youve given him that reassurance that you are there if he wants you as an option

Nicola

October 22, 2019 at 9:18 pm

Hi Chris,

2 weeks ago my ex fiancé broke up with me after finding out I cheated on him. We were together for 7 and half years. We have been going through a rough patch for almost a year where we were both unhappy but didn’t know how to communicate. I reached out to a colleague and ended up having an affair with him for 2 months. My ex partner found out through my colleague’s wife (the man I was having the affair with). Since then I have been trying to get my ex back but he says he is too hurt to ever get past it. He suggested we can be friends with the possibility of going on dates. He’s even suggested spending my birthday together with me but as friends. He actions are as if nothing has happened. He interacts with me the same as if we are still a couple but minus the intimacy. I’m finding it all very confusing, is there any chance we could get back together?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

October 24, 2019 at 9:17 pm

Hi Nicola so yes there is a chance but you are going to have to be very open and honest with him and VERY patient- you don’t do NC and you do not get angry if he pulls back sometimes because you are not at a point where you are trying to gain his trust back and you also need to apologise and acknowledge the damage you have caused to his trust by having the affair. Also that colleague you need to cut him out of your life 100% you need to find a way so you’re not working with him again.

Gwen

October 14, 2019 at 2:24 am

My ex and I had been together for nearly twelve years. We’ve known each other for 25 years. Long story short…three years ago, when I thought we were still a couple, I was informed he was engaged. Now, present day, he’s back wanting to be fwb because of several issues. I finally gave in, even though my morals aren’t normally such. This seems to be more than what I understand an fwb relationship to be like. I talked to him about it and my feelings and he agreed…it’s more than fwb. He seems fine that it’s more!!!!! He’s gotten me gifts, spent days off of work with me, even suggested a weekend away in one of our favorite old haunts, offers emotional support, etc. I read the article…I get what’s being said. I think. If Lol. If we both agree that it’s more than “fwb”, why does he continue to do it? I have confronted him about hurt and what he would lose if she were to find out. I’ve discussed both my feelings, concerns and concerns for their relationship. He still wants to continue… So. What’s wrong with this picture? (I do still have feelings for this man, and had hoped at one time we were actually getting back together.)

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

October 15, 2019 at 8:23 pm

Hi Gwen, you can decide what you want if you want him to be committed to just you then you can not have sex with him while he is not fully committed to you and not with any other woman.

Mary Jane

October 5, 2019 at 6:23 pm

Boyfriend of 1.5 years broke up with me. We had a general break up. He couldn’t get pass an incident back in April which was just a big blowout fight. He said he didn’t see me the same since and things just didn’t feel “right.” I was calm during the break up. He was very emotional, crying. After that day, I went into No Contact mode. Left him alone. Then exactly one week later he reached to me, wanting to call me. He again was emotional, saying he missed me and wanted to meet up the next week. I agreed. We finally met up 5 days later he seemed to have changed his tune. He said he asked me to meet up with him because he wanted to make sure I was OK. I was confused. Why do all this just to see if I was OK? He then said he made the right decision for himself. Hmm OK? Then he said he wanted me in his life still. I asked as Friends and he said he didn’t want to put labels on it, but wanted me in this life still

I told him I couldn’t be his friend for the obvious reason. I still loved him and wanted to be with him. So I politely declined his offer and then told him I needed to go. I said more nice things to him and politely left the bar. Before I left, he told me to keep his number in case I wanted to talk.

2 days later he blocked me from social media (FB, IG)

So confusing. So now is the next step to be back on No Contact? Or should I just move on?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

October 5, 2019 at 8:14 pm

Hi Mary Jane, so the blocking is an emotional reaction hes probably done this to avoid seeing your posts fro a while. He will unblock you especially if he wants you in his life. If you want him back then yes do the NC for minimum of 30 days and work on yourself in that time.

Amee

July 27, 2019 at 7:59 pm

Hi Chris, I met a French (divorced) guy online (I’m from Asia) through a professional site. He reached out to me, introduced himself and said he wanted to get to know me. We have known each other for two months. At first, I was just answering his questions (if I had a family, what my hobbies were, etc.) I was sort of going with the flow, but eventually, our conversations went deeper and romantic. We did not not have an actual labeled relationship, but we exchanged messages like that of lovers; we were very romantic and intimate. Until he said he has already fallen in love with someone else – same nationality as his and same age. He said he wants us to stay in contact, but only as friends now. What does that mean? What could be the real reason why he would like to keep me?
Clàudia

July 16, 2019 at 7:02 am

Hello Chris! First of all, let me thank you for your amazing work.

This is my story: I was with my ex for 2.5 years, and we had a very intense passionate relationship. We moved in 6 months after knowing each other ( at 21) since we were students and struggling economically, which was a way to solve our living situation and also be closer for emotional support.

But for the past year, we both went through some hard times ( since we are so young) and I personally didn’t know how to give him the space he asked for. We almost broke up a couple of times, where we would both end hugging and crying, since we had been each other’s refugee from the world.

But 6 months ago he asked to be on “a break”. I moved back with my parents and we said to see each other during the week, but again, I was struggling and couldn’t respect the space.

Finally, he said there is a girl at his work that he liked and had feeling for because “ she made him laugh”, and that he wanted to be able to be in an open relationships. He changed his mind and told me he didn’t feel in love anymore , but begged me not to disappear.

At this point I tried to implement Nc but would also call him after 2 weeks, which apparently made the new girl really angry, since he refused to stop talking to me. The girl is no longer answering his calls and he is really infatuated by her, even though he said he still has feelings for me but is “not in love”.

A month after not seeing each other we have tried being friends and we have been sleeping together, but he still insists he loves me as a friend and still thinks of that girl. However we share super intimate conversations and cuddle like before.

How should I proceed? Should I do no contact again, should I play hot and cold? It’s always me initiating contact, and it’s me that i cannot give enough space. But I know that we are meant to be…

Thank you so much!
Mary

July 9, 2019 at 9:48 am

Hi Chris!

I have been seeing this guy for 5months now, but as lovers. We weren’t in a relationship but we did everything couples do. He wasn’t ready to date but we were happy together so I stayed. But I was obviously more into it and always doing more and maybe it overwhelmed him . But at some point we started having issues and little fights and we always make up. But the last issue sort of made things a bit different. So he suggested we become causal friends since we wanted different things, i wanted to date and he wasn’t ready. That we should be friends for now and see how it works out. But I still want him back and for us to get back and be better. I don’t know if I should accept being friends and build the attraction again naturally or apply the no contact rule.
Jenny

June 29, 2019 at 7:10 am

My ex and I were together for about a year, things were either really good or really bad not much of an in between. after 3 months of no contact I reached out we texted a bit and went on our ways. About a month or so later he reached out and wanted to rekindle things.

Things were good for bit then got distant. He kept saying he loved me and wanted to be with me, left his girlfriend (of a month) we took things faster than we should have, but slower than we both originally planned.

He bailed on my 3-4 times in a row. I called to talk with out a planned call and got voicemail. He text me right after asking what I needed I asked for phone or face to face. He declined. Anyway, eventually he said he couldn’t trust me, but he wanted me in his life as because I was one of his best friends and that he cared deeply for me. He is back with the other girl too.

Do I try no contact? We’re still friends on social media. Do I try small talk and building a friendship?

Chris Seiter

June 29, 2019 at 11:58 pm

Hi Jenny…usually if what you are doing is not getting the desired results, then its time to try a different strategy. I think NC would be the best medicine going forward.

Jane

May 9, 2019 at 1:40 pm

Hi, Thanks for this and all your helpful articles 🙂

My ex and I were together for 4 months and broke up just over a month ago. I think he felt that I was not paying him enough attention. Things started to fall apart when I caught him sexting a former FWB. He admitted that he had kept in touch with her throughout our relationship, and met up with her a few times, supposedly as friends. He appeared very remorseful so after about a week I forgave him, but then he said he was no longer sure about our relationship. He said he wanted to give things another try with his ex (a different person to the one he was sexting). So we broke up and I did 30 days NC. He contacted me once during NC. I texted him for the first time after NC last week and he was pleased to hear from me. However he explained that although things hadn’t worked out with his ex, he is now dating the girl he was sexting! I played it cool and said I wished them the best. He also asked if I have a new boyfriend and complimented me by saying I am kind hearted, so at least still seemed somewhat interested.

I am not sure what to do now. I am trying to get over the breakup and move on but I really miss him and would like to keep the door open to getting back together. I am thinking about going back into NC for another 2-4 weeks to give them time to get out of the honeymoon period. And then after that trying the Being There Method. I think there is a fair chance that things won’t work out with the new girl, and I can see Being There working with him, as he can’t stand being on his own and will want a new person lined up if he leaves her… What do you think of this plan? Any other suggestions?

Thanks, Jane

Chris Seiter

May 9, 2019 at 9:18 pm

I agree that No Contact would be the right medicine for this situation.

Jay

May 3, 2019 at 1:58 pm

My ex left me after 12 years love in sudden matter which I screwed up caused stucked on a my msg to her which seen by her sister and her sis asked me to leave her .This is second time problem came.First time problem came her the family repot police.Even my gl punish me being support to her family.She broke my heart with wrds and after 3 days she cried and tell Im sorry for talked in hurt that her family pushed her.After that incident I saw a fb of hers in sudden that she had affair with other guy kind.I shocked.I suspected did their family setup all this to make me forget her.This happend after first problem and that time I was gaved her gap kind a year back and that time she got told me she involved in big trouble been in loneliness without me.But I was all there fr her n she told she gt bp due to that loneliness without me.Swear God i nver hv left her even a day I kept called her tge problem came wgen another gl came in m8ddle and screwed all to crrate problem between us.The truth my gl believed all the gl setup .I was only true to my gl bt that gl talked all kies abt me to make my gl hates me.As I found that I broke my frendship with that gl..Since than even my gl don too much interest on me bt still she talks to me crazily but only when cm to love she will deny that she don like love.Someone changed my gl brain and I suprised after first incident and she changed drasitacally.Than after her sister gt married 2 years later and the bride guy family relative get in.I suspected there.Than second time problem came I came to found out that her younger sis told me that my gl don loves me she was pretend this long and so much lies all that she just been a fren only this long and all she did was a lies just to tc me…I don understand my gl have talked so possive on me secretly this long in scared to her family she cl privately so her family never knws or create problems to us again and at sudden how could she did to me like this as second time problem cms sge totally changed..At first time problem she waver and she support me and calls back cry to me on 3rd day after her family stole her phn and this go on so many years with secret when she strt cl pvt after that..Before second time problem came she gt told me dont msg her sister as her family don likes me talk to my gl.Till one day I msgd her and i screwed up all as her sister saw our msgs n insult me that I was still harrasing my gl kind they thinking this long but they dono my gl still talked this long to me n her sis told that my gl the one launched repot on me bt to me my gl said before that her fmly the one launched repot n she is protecting me from not caught.As I called my gl fr last time and told her sister talking bad on msg to me at that time of my gl asked me don stress don cry that she will talked to her sister settle it fr being rude in msg.Thats it and after she kept 2 hours than she called me and talked so diferent scold me and kept phn.Her sister told her bf have broke her sim.Thats last I talked to my gl.Her sis msgd in rude way that my gl don likes me, she had enough torcher n hopping me to dead this long so she will live happily.Im ftm guy.She did all for me been so possive this long 12 years and never hv missed a cl or never hv stayed without calling me even once.She pick up sudden in one cl wait to talk to me in this all 12years.She been damn crazy for me even so much bruises on her hand for me and if I kept phn in anger she berg n torcher me to pick up and cries like hell in msg n call even she call direct to my dad ask me to answer before all.She will torcher would suicide if I ever kept.I hv test her even in lies that I not interest to talk.A small sign if I show I m avoiding her she will scared and at sudden her voice will becm panic going into tears and scary motion that she fear that she will lost me.She call me every hours of day.And today at sudden after hpnd as this??. She left me after her last call that day She dont even care.She suddenly left me posting fr 2 weeks as she is happy and going on happy on jobs and living happy posting in sexy working dress and makeup??.Im so shocked to ground n brokened like hell.Is she doing this all to make me hate her??.Even she had so many guys as frends and so much comments.Those guys are same her fb frens on 2014 i caught on the fb I mentioned earlier.All stay in her place include I saw her family members in her fb too .God swear she is nt at all that kind of gl.She is homely n she was damn innocent to me, devoted person and hates boys perverts all she damn true only to me.She very much gets anger even a little I pork her abt other guys.She will get that much anger and told she not been raised as that.She dressup low profile very polite and slow and silence.Man,Im getting so nuts to explain here. I thought shes only gl in this world good gl.She took care me as baby and did all for me even how much our relationship been trbl in house still she secretly will call back and ask apologise for being rude once she talked rude in front her family to me in phn press by them.Now how a gl that been so true and promised to me crazy of me that much cried how could left me now without mercy??.Im so confused hell.Last in her msg she sent on her sister messenger a voice note told she never liked me and she have suffered alot cz of me and her sister sent that asked her after I said I want talk to her.Thats last msg of her.Is this her family taught her to talk so?? .But in voice note it sounds someone there bt im so confused if she realy care she would have called me right??. To me sge said she has no high gadget phn .How cm on insta she post damn clear hd pics and videos she is working..When i break truth to her sister at time before her sis msgd on day the problem came I told her sis that what u say is wrg cz my gl still call n talks to me till today .That time I caught her sis told that if she did that than would she knew what will hpnd to her studies.Is she be threatened by family cz my gl.weakness is her studies.??.She crazy of her studies and have high ambition.Even the sis blabered that her dad ask her to msg as that and in another my gl asked msg as that kind in one conversation.Its 2 months ready after she brokeup.She never call not even care when I came to suicide.No any cl to care me also.Not even one wrds.But after 2 months I saw there is a guy comment her on insta as anomously telling I love u baby.Is this she doing this to make me jealous or her sign to me??.But I found this guy msgd her in sayat 4 times.First she replied as fren.The 4th msg i found he told I love you baby and no msg from her replied that.But I found just yday she got write one bio in her insta exact as my bio how I write.I said I love fitness travel and my job with same icon and she too wrote same thing with same icon n loves law her study travel and fitness.Can anyone clear me..I want answer from other gls cz only gls knew abt another gls.Please tell me whats hpng actually with my gl.I will be so thankfull for ur answers.Im so confused with her attitude.My story is the most confusing love story.Sorry for my long explanatiins.Im so confused and now Im living my life single ever in her memories cz she was my true love and last.Tq
Mona

April 25, 2019 at 5:36 pm

Dear Chris,

My ex and I broke up two months ago. I started NC and finished it. We started texting again and sometimes hanging out with our mutual friends since two weeks ago. Everything seems going well. I try to take things slow and build up attraction again. He is really nice and friendly. But I couldn’t tell if he wants me back or is just treating me as a friend. I’ll be very thankful if you can give me some tips about how to differentiate the situation. Thanks a lot!!

Chris Seiter

April 25, 2019 at 10:18 pm

Hi Mona…just keep progressing in a slow manner. So long as you are creating little positive moments and memories and allowing them to accumulate over time, you are moving down the right path. It will eventually become more evident what he wants form the relationship, but try not to analyze too much right now

Cookie

November 24, 2018 at 6:23 am

My ex broke up with me on the 11th November, rememberence day (won’t forget that date will I)
We were LDR and had finally met in September after 2 years. (me in England him in Italy) I lost my cat who was my best friend the day before Halloween and was pretty depressed, may have made me sound suicidal. But he broke up with me because I was repeating history by threatening suicide like his first ex, which I wasn’t. But he basically was playing the victim card on me blaming me for the relationship hitting south after we met irl… He was also dumping me for a girl in Italy who had been dropping hints for the past 6 months and confessed to him 2 days before he dumped me. He then asked to be friends (I flipped and told him to f*** off) which my mum told me to apologise for swearing, and after I did I started NC, well nearly on the 3rd week and nothing from him… Been hitting the gym and planning to get a new cat. Should I even bother to try being friends again and work back to getting him or is he a lost cause for what he’s done?
Mal

October 3, 2018 at 6:16 pm

hi Chris just a quick question so my ex and i reconnected in August after i did a month of NC (2nd NC) after he told me he was not interested in dating me. we have been meeting up quite a bit lately in the last 2 weeks or so..about once or twice a week mainly going to the gym together with some dinners as well. it’s been confusing because he has been outrageously flirting with a lot of sexual innuendo but on the other hand he tells me about his sexual exploits with other women after me and also mentions sources of tension that women he is dating. each time I try to change the subject as quickly as possible. he also called himself the other day as the idiot i once dated to which i just laughed and said yea just a bit of an idiot. when i told him that I was the happiest ive ever been with or without a man he kept insisting that I eventually will need a relationship. it’s totally baffling me because I’m trying to do the being there method but it’s hard when he keeps doing this. any advice?

Chris Seiter

October 5, 2018 at 2:27 am

Hi Mai!

Guys can be baffling! If he is acting rudely or insensitively, you can ask him to stop and then cease communicating if he doesn’t

Fenya

September 30, 2018 at 1:58 pm

Hi again Chris.

He hasn’t asked for space, but said he would give me space if I needed it. He wants to be friends. But then again, he hasn’t contacted me. So am I still on the right course on the NC?

Chris Seiter

September 30, 2018 at 4:26 pm

I think so Fenya. This business about just being a friend might suggest he really doesn’t know what he wants yet and that is where NC can help.

Miss Sasparilla

September 29, 2018 at 7:06 pm

Me again! Just wanted to add that this guy drives two hours to come and see me as we live in different cities. We’re both in our early 40’s, and get on so well but when we broke up he said he felt no passion for me. I don’t think I’m unattractive, I have a few admirers… I’m thinking if he could see me in a new light it might help. I know he’s on a dating site so he’s trying to meet women but still comes over to hang out with me and hugs me all the time and touches my arm when he talks to me. I don’t want anyone else Chris, help!

Chris Seiter

September 30, 2018 at 5:36 am

Honestly, you will get so much more out of my 485 page eBook (Pro), than you will here in this forum as I am stretched so thin!

Amy

September 29, 2018 at 8:18 am

Hey Chris,
I successfully did NC for 2 months, initiated contact twice both had positive results although second time he stopped replying as a means of ending the convo first (he beat me) I have this strange feeling that he was following a similar guide. I ended the relationship of 1.2 years, he is 23 and I’m 26 and it was a drama free break up – I was unhappy because he wasn’t standing up to his parents for us and realised that maybe he didn’t want to..
Anyway saw him in person at an event and he was so friendly gave me a long hug and kiss on the cheek asking how I was.
A week later I messaged suggesting a meet up for coffee and walk in his favourite park. He very keenly agreed even suggested that night but I wanted time to prepare so I said Saturday instead. He didn’t reply to confirm until Friday 2am (2 days later). So today we saw eachother and got along pretty quickly because we started out as friends and have same mutual group of friends etc. He turned coffee into a sit down brunch then a walk in the park. During this walk we discussed our situation and I explained all the wonderful things ive done during our break but how although I don’t need him in my life I still realised after this time how I want to be with him. He told me during this time he hadn’t really had the chance to think about it and wasn’t sure what he wanted admitting that he was very confused when we broke up because there were many people influencing him. He said he cared about me alot and does miss me but he has so much going on so can’t think about us. So we agreed to be friends, but I said to him that if we do go back to friends I am moving on and not looking back again so I will take any opportunity that comes my way. He said I don’t ever want to see you upset because i can’t step up so I don’t want to hold you back from moving on either. It was the most bittersweet date, I stayed strong until i was alone again. Chris, is this it? Is friends all we will ever be? Is there something I can do or is it all based on pure fate now 🙁 I am so heart broken.

Chris Seiter

September 30, 2018 at 5:38 am

Hi Amy!

Ummmm. I don;t believe in fate. I think its better to have a plan and try to influence the future. Take a look at my program and decide if you want to invest in it to help yourself!

Miss Sasparilla

September 29, 2018 at 3:53 am

Thank you so much for replying!
Yeah I agree he wants it all his own way. I’ve been hoping that he’s been visiting and making himself useful around the house because he misses me. His behaviour really confuses me. The last time he visited he was looking around my bedroom when I was busy in the kitchen and commenting on a few new lamps and things that I’d put in there. I was thinking maybe he was looking for evidence of another man in my life! He always stays for hours and seems happy to spend time with me but I’ll have to accept that doesn’t mean he wants to try again at being in a relationship. Men are really strange Chris, I can’t figure them out!

Chris Seiter

September 29, 2018 at 4:03 am

Hello again Miss S!

That’s a good guess. A little jealousy can go long ways. I know. I know. Men are stupid strange sometimes. But us guys think women are strange and can’t figure them out….the way they think and process things! Just know, inside every guy is the desire to chase and to be aroused. There is leverage there. Acting coy and friendly, but just out of their reach makes attracts the guy. And many men like it when there ego is stroked but not in an obvious way. Makes them feel valued and they will gravitate to that.

Fenya

September 28, 2018 at 11:18 am

Hi Chris,

My ex broke up because of long distance and because he thinks he can’t be here for me and can’t make me happy. We didn’t really have any drama in our relationship, it was very mature and loving. So we ended on good terms even though I didn’t agree to his decision. He wanted to stay friends, and we had a bit contact 3 weeks after the break up, but I started no contact (without warning him). He had birthday the day after I initiated no contact – I don’t know if that’s the right decision not to wish him happy birthday. Anyway, am I doing this right? Is no contact the right thing? When he broke up he said he understood if I needed space, which I didn’t really respond to. So I’m not sure if the reason he doesn’t contact me is because he thinks I’m a bitch for not wishing him a happy birthday, or because he figured out I need space. So should I just stay in no contact?

Chris Seiter

September 29, 2018 at 3:52 am

Hi Fenya!

If he is asking for space, then yes, NC is the right medicine. But practice and do the things I teach in my program so you can get the most out of it.
Chris Seiter

September 29, 2018 at 3:52 am

Hi Fenya!

If he is asking for space, then yes, NC is the right medicine. But practice and do the things I teach in my program so you can get the most out of it.

Miss Sasparilla

September 27, 2018 at 5:12 am

Hi Chris!
My ex cheated and we broke up a year ago. We’d been together for two years and had lived together for five months. After the break up we didn’t speak for a couple of months but then I initiated contact and
after messaging for a while we met up. Since then we’ve had friendly meet ups and days out about once a month, and he is really into giving me big hugs! Seems so pleased to see me! After a really amazing day out recently I went to kiss him and he kissed me back. He then went cold on me the next day and said we couldn’t hang out anymore if I wanted to be more than friends…
Jump forward and after six weeks of not meeting up he’s been back to visit me the last two weekends and mentions ideas for future meet ups. How do I get the hell out of this friend zone?

Chris Seiter

September 28, 2018 at 3:07 am

Hello Miss!

Quite a name you have there!

So this ex of yours doesn’t seem to have his head screwed on right. He seems to want everything his way. But relationships that are successful don’t work that way. I think you consider telling him this off/on is not for you and if he wants your friendship and love, he needs to be steady. You have already been thru enough with this one. You have many other paths you can walk in life and find what you want.

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108 thoughts on “My Ex Wants To Be Friends”