Should I Answer If My Ex Calls Me? How To Handle It Exactly

54 thoughts on “Should I Answer If My Ex Calls Me?”

Jlynn

March 16, 2018 at 6:07 pm

My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for a year and a half. During this time, I was taking him back and forward to work and everywhere else he wanted to go. He just purchased a car and no longer needed me to take him anywhere. I asked him what’s going to happen with our relationship. He said, we have no relationship and we were just friends. I clearly got mad and ended what I thought was a relationship. He sent me this long text message apologizing for leading me on. Lately, he has texted me and call me which I have not answer. It’s only been 7 days. What should I do?

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 17, 2018 at 4:05 pm

Hi Jlynn,

So you were never gf and bf?

minchin

January 20, 2018 at 6:59 am

Hi there, I think I made a mistake and I feel bad about it.
It’s been 5 months since my former boyfriend dumped me for someone else. And that’s the same time we did not have any communication at all. Fast forward, he sent an emoji to my facebook messenger last December to which I just ignored. This January, he sent another message how I was doing. I said ” doing fine, thanks, I hope the same for you.”
He responded right away with “thanks.” and asked me if I still work in the same place.
I responded only after a day with a plain “yes”. and he just replied to me with “?”- a question mark. i sent back that question mark to him and now he just seen it.
questions and doubts:
– I think I lost the stand off and the no contact.
– I think it was maybe his new girlfriend that has access on his messenger that replied to me.
-If not, what was he thinking? just replying with a question mark after I answered him…
I am really confused. 🙁
Please help! thank you so much in advance!

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 21, 2018 at 5:29 am

Hi Minchin,
We don’t know if it was really him or his ex but if it was him, you didn’t really “lose” because you just sent back he did but you shouldn’t have answered in the first place too if you are moving on…

mary

January 8, 2018 at 1:56 am

hello,

Its been two years since my ex broke up with me and i knew why he did. I knew there was someone else he was interested in but i didn’t say anything. I asked him if there was someone else and he said no. But anyways when he broke up with me he clearly told me that I needed to heal and there was no friendship there. Then 5 months later he sends me a text that says “Hope all is well. My thoughts and prayer are with you.” Then the beginning of the following new year he reaches out in various occasions through text, WhatsApp calls and FaceTime me on valentines day obviously i never responded. Then he tried calling once in August and then he stopped. Then this new year just a few days ago he called me twice through WhatsApp and here is the kicker he has a girlfriend. The same girl he was talking to when he broke up with me. What i don’t understand is why is my ex reaching out when he has a gf and told me to heal and there was no friendship. Plus after no response from me whatsoever. What does he really want with me? My life is none of his business anymore we are not even friends because it wasn’t even a mutual breakup.

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 9, 2018 at 9:53 pm

Hi Mary,

he probably misses some aspect of his relationship with you before.. maybe because his relationship now is past the honey moon period, but.. that doesn’t mean he wants you back.. because if he wants to you back, he has to do it the right way by being single first before talking to you again.. That’s good that you’re not replying to him..

Autumn

October 30, 2017 at 1:42 am

One thing to keep in mind that I’ve seen in articles here, is that you are not his girlfriend yet, he does not owe you a text or call every single day.

That was a hard one for me, (we have been apart several years and I was thrilled and ecstatic when he called again) I’m still working on it. In my case, we got up to where we text several times a day with several phone calls for almost a week or more straight and then he will do a day or two of silence. I think of it as him just processing everything. When he does call / text, I make him wait a half day or a day after his day or two of NC. When I do answer the text / call I AM ALWAYS PLEASANT. Those NC periods of his are getting shorter and shorter. He is learning.

As my best friend said “You have to think about the whole game, not just this quarter”. You have NO right to be defensive. Actions speak louder than words, always remember that.

My ex has changed in his whole demeanor, his words, everything. I didn’t actually think it was him until he called me and I recognized his voice. LOL. Hang in there, their true colors and intentions WILL show through eventually.
Fitbit

October 29, 2017 at 1:50 pm

I wrote a comment earlier but I think I accidentally deleted it before posting it so I hope this doesn’t end up being redundant. My ex broke up with me about a month ago after 4 years of being together (we have broken up twice before, got back together and I admittedly had not changed anything so I’m sure is the cycle mentioned in this article). We were living together, and I moved out three weeks ago now and have been in NC ever since. We have a daughter together but since I am staying with my mother we have been able to use her as a liaison so have been able to be in full NC as opposed to limited NC. I told him the day I moved out that I was going to need some time away from him and that I did not want to see or talk to him for a while and he has honored that. I am still good friends with his mother and she has told me that he has told her he often misses me and wants to reach out but doesn’t because he knows he shouldn’t. We go to the same gym and until a couple of nights had not run into one another. The other night he showed up while I was in the tail end of my workout, and I honestly didn’t notice he was there until I looked down and saw a text from him asking if I wanted him to leave the gym bc he didnt want to make me uncomfortable. I thought about using the opportunity to send a nice bubbly response (something indicating i didnt mind him being there but in a cut way and then just going about my workout) and potentially use that as an intial NC icebreaker to start building rapport since it has been three weeks, but then decided against it and just ignored the message and finished my workout. I’m wondering now if I did the right thing or if I should have used the opportunity like I mentioned. I definitely feel like I have improved and have realized now the things I should have changed during our relationship and have been actively working to change them. I do think I have a number of things I’d like to accomplish before revealing the “new me” however, and he had some things he would need to work on to make our relationship successful as well but while we both need to be in a different place to start a relationship again do we need to be there yet to stop NC? Anyway, right now I’m just wondering if I did the right thing at the gym and if he reaches out with something else similar later should I respond next time?

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 31, 2017 at 6:57 pm

Hi,

You can stop nc at 30 or 45 days and then start slowly building rapport while continuing improving yourself…

Macy

October 25, 2017 at 8:04 am

i broke my bf for 2 years after 3 days i went to him begging. He said for now he should be the dominant partner as i was one before. at first he did not admit that he has a new girlfriend of 10 years younger than he is. I am older than my ex-boyfriend. he just told he that he want space & freedom but he will still be around for me. but after 2 months of my suffering, i saw a kissed marked on his left chest, on a second he denied it but after a while he admit his girl is pregnant. it darkened my days and post a threat on my career. then he cant leave the girl he is committed and said will commit to me too. I agreed our situation. i have mon-thurs of his time that if he is not busy with other things he visit me and the girl have him fri-sun. during those 3 days he wont answer any call or text and even put his phone off. This situation has been going on for almost 4months now and i have a feeling that i cant win him back because he is also committed to the other girl. 5 days ago i went to NC rule but he kept calling and texting me telling me he missed and loved me still. Just yesterday night he picked me up for a jog in the park. this morning he fetch me to work. what should i do? I cant anymore bare our set up that the girl can automatically visit him in his place while i cant because he dont want me to know where he lives now. Its killing me everyday knowing they are together every weekend, but his text always said he will love me always. if i wont pick his call or answers his text he get mad at me and angry. if txt him back, we would be silence for hours and sometimes don’t answer me. He has a fixed job and i got him as my agent as part timer and i was his manager. as i cant keep focus on my work i was reprimanded and demoted. now i am an agent and it worked best for me coz i have no reason to call him to follow up for his production. but what should i do, he is friend of my bro now and he knows where i live, if i will continue the NC rule, or should i just be friendly with him. I already made it clear that i cant do the things the we did before as girlfriend boyfriend but he would insist that he loves me still. Can he love us both? i don’t even know the girl? i am really confused please help.

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 28, 2017 at 7:21 pm

Hi Macy,

To be frank, it’s either you break up with him or he breaks up with her.. We get what we allow..

Nise

August 21, 2017 at 8:51 pm

Hi there!! I have a huge question!! What if he starts opening up and saying he misses me before schedule?

He sent me a text on like day 15 of nc where he said a friend in common said it was too bad i left the band (a band we had together and i left it for musical reasons) and then sent me a youtube link to a song (sleep- the dandy warhols). I ignored him all the way throuugh although I could have broken NC according to the rule of four. I kept up with NC 30 days and finished succesfully.

I am now on day 3 of the texting part, but ever since day 1 he has been really affectionate with me. I haven’t seen what he texted me today, but I am wondering…what happens if he starts calling me, wanting to see, me, get back together before I even get to the phone calls part on day 15???

Should I answer his texts/calls?? Go on dates or see each other if he initiates?? How should I react???

EBR Team Member: Amor

August 22, 2017 at 10:02 pm

Pace it.. because if he is missing and you give it all in one go, he’ll easily take you for granted.

Marta

August 8, 2017 at 8:02 am

So my boyfriend ended things with me on Sunday. We had been doing long distance for 6 months until the middle of June, when I moved to his city as I got an office transfer. We get along like a house on fire but I’ve been suffering from anxiety and depression – which is part of the reason I moved to a new city, to get a bit of a refresher. Unfortunately, the anxiety did put a strain on the first month of me being here, as I was not keen to hang out with his friends or sometimes even come to dinner, as we were staying at his parents (the market is terrible in Perth, so he lives with his mum for the time being and rents his own house out).

About a month ago and a month in to me living in his city, he told me things weren’t working and he wasn’t happy. I begged him to stay with me for at least the next month, because he is actually moving to Sydney for work this Sunday for up to 5 months (he is shooting a reality show here).

Anyway, the past month has been a lot better – I’ve been more positive and focused on my self improvement. I also moved out into my own place, which was always the intention when I moved here. So I guess I thought he would reconsider and we would continue our relationship once he went away to Sydney.

However, sadly on Sunday he told me that while he loved me, he wasnt in love, and thus couldnt promise me a committed relationship while he was away. He did say he wanted to stay in contact and that I could visit him or he would visit me in Melbourne (I am moving back in a few weeks, as I miss my friends too much to stay in Perth). But for the most part, we were over. He said we should let fate decide and go our separate ways. This is despite planning to see me tomorrow and on the weekend, before he leaves.

I’ve been thinking and I just want to end contact for at least 30 days. I don’t want to see him this week or before he leaves. He’s been messaging me today, saying he feels sick, and has mentioned me in a funny video on Facebook. But all in all – I just don’t know if it’s worth pursuing, so I haven’t responded.

My main question is – I have some of his possessions still and was intending to give them back this week, but now don’t know how to during NC. Can you give me any suggestions? And considering we really got on very well, do you think this relationship is worth salvaging? Considering he told me he isn’t in love?

Marta McCormack

August 10, 2017 at 3:25 pm

I’ve also got another update – I haven’t contacted him for about 3 full days now, and he’s continued to message me.

After 3 messages last night asking if I was coming to see him this weekend for a dinner party (as his girlfriend until he leaves for Sydney, which I find particularly hurtful), I haven’t replied. He’s spaced the messages out in 20 minute blocks so clearly was feeling concerned I wasn’t replying. Just earlier I received another one saying he takes my silence as a no, but wants to know if I’m okay.

I don’t know what to do. I really do want to see him but I don’t think it’s conducive to a happy ending. He does seem keen to see me and hear about me. But it’s probably not enough to break NC so early on.
EBR Team Member: Amor

August 10, 2017 at 4:57 pm

because he wants to friendzone you.. so, yes, stick to nc.
Marta

August 10, 2017 at 3:12 am

Thanks Amor. I totally agree – although he says his feeling about me has never changed, it’s stayed constant. If he does ask for the possessions back, I’ll make the meeting about that only.

I have a bigger problem on my hands now, because he leaves for Sydney next week for up to 5 months, and last night we were meant to catch up. He’s been texting me constantly, asking if I’m going to see him before he goes, asking me to a dinner party and to attend as a couple. I’m really hurt because why would he want these things but not me in general? Seems like he wants everything his way. I worry that continuing NC, as I have been doing for the past 3 days, will just alienate him more.
EBR Team Member: Amor

August 9, 2017 at 3:11 pm

If it’s really important, it’s ok to give it to him during nc just make the meet about that only. Don’t talk about the relationship nor feeling. If he just fell out of love, it’s a matter of attraction. So, it will depend on how much you improve during and after nc and how much you can rebuild rapport and attraction.

Kelby

August 5, 2017 at 2:38 pm

Hi there,

Ex might be a broad term (the guy I lost my virginity to) called me recently. A bit of info..he’s been in and out of my life for the last 6 years. For the majority of that 6 years he was a commitment phobe, disappearing and reappearing and never uttering the word relationship and generally being a fuckboy.

I’m always the one to cut ties and he always finds a way back into my life. I hadn’t talked to him for almost 2 years when he called other day and I made an excuse and hung up. He then texted me, saying it’s not what I thought, he’s sorry for everything and wants a relationship with me. We ended up texting non stop the last few days with me making it clear he has a lot to prove before I even consider meeting up with him. He told me not to worry he’s not going anywhere. But it’s now been over 24 hours and dead silence on his end, I am not going to text him but I’m confused.

Should I give up altogether on him, or see what his ‘excuse’ is? I feel stupid for even giving him the time of day now. He’s turning 31, he should really grow up.

Kelby

August 7, 2017 at 12:05 am

Part of me does care, but the other part is worried about being screwed around again. How can I get him to prove he’s really after a relationship considering his past as a fuckboy?

He ended up texting me yesterday morning after a day of no contact, acting casual and not mentioning where he’d been. I acted cool at first then got bit defensive about the fact he ‘disappeared yet again’. In return he got defensive saying he thought he’d give me space since I’d said I had a busy weekend and he’s confused what I want from him.

In the past he would disappear longer than just over a day, normally it would be weeks. Is it likely Amor that a fuckboy can ever really change?
EBR Team Member: Amor

August 9, 2017 at 2:36 pm

Change is hard. Most of the time people only change when needed. That’s why it’s important to have standards.. If you know your standards and stick with them, either the right people will stay,the wrong people will leave or they will change because they have lesser standards or they don’t want to lose you
EBR Team Member: Amor

August 6, 2017 at 7:26 pm

You were saying he has a lot to prove, conveying you dont really think he has changed and you dont expect much from him anymore but it’s not really what you feel.. You’re still hooked.. If you really dont expect much from him..you just dont care at all.. You wouldn’t even notice he hasn’t texted

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54 thoughts on “Should I Answer If My Ex Calls Me?”