This guide will teach you everything you need to know about if you should tell your ex that you still have feelings for them.
I’m also going to answer, how you should go about doing that and take on the all important question of when you should do it, if indeed you should do it at all.
How’s that for a tongue twister?
Let’s get started!
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizYes Or No? Should You Tell Your Ex That You Have Feelings For Them?
It’s always funny to me when someone comes up and asks,
Hey, should I be telling my ex my feelings for them or not?
I find it comical because I don’t know how you could ever expect to get your ex back without telling them your feelings at some point.
In a way I blame myself for this type of confusion because many of the strategies we teach here at EBR are about hiding your feelings until the time is right.
Lately I’ve been going on and on about this process being bold down to, two simple concepts,
- Timing
- Positioning
You’ll find that this article is encompassed by both of these things. After all, you don’t want to tell your ex your feelings until you are properly positioned and you don’t want to tell your ex your feelings too soon.
So, all of this is a very long way of saying,
Yes, you should tell your ex that you have feelings for them but only when the timing is right.
When Should You Tell Your Ex That You Have Feelings For Them?
The question of “when” is a lot more complicated to answer than “should.”
Make no mistake about it, there is a right way to do this and a wrong way to do this.
Luckily, I’ve compiled my 4 best tips to walk you through the right way to do this,
- Utilize Tide Theory
- Start Dropping Breadcrumbs About How You Feel Early
- Put Your Ex In A Romantic Environment
- Utilize The 30/70 Split
Let’s take a moment to have an in-depth discussion about each one of these tips.
Tip #1: Utilize Tide Theory
Tide theory is a concept I came up with for my book, The Texting Bible. Initially I wrote the book with the intention of it being a dictionary of text messages that you could use on your ex at any point of the process.
However, once I started actually writing it I realized that I’d also need to include text messaging strategies.
Tide theory was one of the concepts I came up with to describe the intensity and frequency in which you should text your ex.
Tide Theory: You very slowly increase the intensity and frequency of text messages to your ex as the process continues
The analogy I use all the time to describe it is its namesake.
When you go to the beach you aren’t aware of the tide rising. On the contrary, it’s such a subtle and natural process that it’s almost as if it never happened.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizOne of the biggest mistakes I see my clients making time and time again is going too fast too soon.
They think that all they have to do is a basic no contact rule and their ex is going to welcome them back with open arms.
They don’t do any of the foundational work that is required to put their ex in a frame of mind where they will be receptive towards a reconnection.
So, the big thing I want you to keep in mind before we move in is that tide theory is all about a natural progression of attraction.
It’s slowly upping the volume on a TV.
So natural and subtle you can’t even notice it’s happening but that natural progression is happening.
Tip #2: Start Dropping Breadcrumbs About How You Feel
Tip #1 is a strategy.
Tip #2 is a tactic you use within the confines of the strategy.
As you are slowly upping the frequency and intensity of the text messages I want you to drop subtle hints about how you feel.
Now, the keyword there I want you to take note of is that this needs to be subtle.
This is not you going to your ex and declaring your undying love for them.
Rather, this is a small breadcrumb.
A precursor of things to come.
Lets take one of the most common feelings that couples like to share with each other,
“I miss you.”
It would be so easy for you to just text,
Right?
But often that’s too much too soon.
Instead, I would find a way to water the thought down. Take a moment to consider what it is that you really miss about your ex.
Was it the way he would describe things?
Was it the inside jokes that only the two of you were privy to?
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizHow about any of his family members that you grew close to?
Lets use the inside joke thing as an example and operate under the assumption that the two of you are having a pretty decent texting conversation.
The right way to drop a breadcrumb through a text message is to say something like this,
Now, you are saying this after one of your inside jokes gets told.
Do you see how I watered down the real feeling of you missing your ex?
This is an important concept that you’ll need to grasp for a later tip but for now lets move on to the next big thing I want you to grasp.
Tip #3: Put Your Ex In A Romantic Environment When You See Each Other In Person
A few weeks ago I filmed this video,
My intention was to teach you the science of what it takes to make someone fall in love with you.
This is important to grasp for a number of different reasons which I won’t really get into here.
What I will get into is one of the tips I talked about in the video, environment.
Consider for a moment two couples.
Let’s just call them couple A and couple B.
The women in each couple wants their man to declare their love for them.
The woman in couple A doesn’t take their partner to a romantic environment.
It doesn’t happen.
And then you have the woman in couple B. She takes the opposite approach and puts her partner in a very romantic environment.
The results clearly work as her partner tells her that he loves her.
But why?
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizWhy does environment cause people to be more romantic?
Well, there are certain romantic expectations attached to romantic environments. You can use this to your advantage so that your ex is receptive towards whatever you say to them.
Tip #4: Utilize The 30/70 Split
Have you ever seen the movie Hitch?
If you haven’t then you are in for a treat. Hitch is a comedy about a dating coach teaching a guy who is helpless to get women.
Probably the most famous scene in the movie is this one,
Hitch is telling Albert that if he wants to kiss the woman of his dreams he needs to go 90% of the way and let her come the extra 10%.
Hitch may have been on to something here but I think he got the percentages mixed up.
In my opinion, if you want to share your feelings with your ex you need to share about 30% of your true feelings with your ex.
Let them fill in the extra 70%.
Most of the time, especially when you are dealing with men, all it takes is some reciprocation on your part before they feel comfortable letting the floodgates open with how they feel.
So, how do you do that?
Well, I already kind of snuck this strategy into this article without you even realizing.
You remember tip #2, right?
In it I advised you to “water your feelings down.”
To turn,
“I miss you”
Into
“I miss this”
That’s essentially what the 30/70 split is. It operates under the assumption that all people need is some indication that you aren’t going to laugh in their face that they have feelings for you before they’ll be willing to open up.
Now, I do want to see that positioning is everything when it comes to this.
If you try the 30/70 split strategy too soon it’s not going to work. Instead, you’ll find it will work best when you have a solid foundation built.
A foundation I talk all about in my book, Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.
Conclusion
Let’s recap everything I talked about in this article,
- Yes, you should share your feelings with your ex but only when the time is right
- You should make sure that you adopt a mindset of “tide theory” before you begin this campaign
- It’s also advisable to water down your feelings and sprinkle breadcrumbs of them as you continue throughout this process
- Don’t expect your ex to open up or be receptive towards your feelings if you don’t place them in a romantic environment
- Finally, you want to try to achieve a 30/70 split. Go 30% of the way with your feelings to show your ex a sign of good faith and hopefully get them to complete the rest of the 70%.
As always, I do my best to try to answer as many comments as possible on my articles. So, if you have any questions don’t hesitate to ask them.
Bella
June 13, 2024 at 11:37 pm
Hi! I would appreciate your guidance.
In summary, my bf and I dated for over 2 years. I had a panic attack due to work and thought I needed to move back home to get peace. This meant that I would need to do long distance or break up with my bf. We broke up. This lasted a week or so. We were still texting I love you and seeing each other intimately. He became cold and distance and I couldn’t take it and he wasn’t budging so we ended it.
After 30 days of no contact, we started texting and talking again. I’ve gone up de value ladder and we a have been on two beautiful dates. Everything is like before- chemistry and love. I’m always initiating the conversation though but he always responds positively. He texted me first once to wish me good luck for an interview. He is always a bit hesitant to say yes to our dates because he is scared of falling for me I think.
We talked about seeing each other again (3rd time) after a week bc he is going on a trip to visit a best friend I want to talk about our feelings but don’t want to jump the gun.
Should I wait once we are together for a third time to bring this up or drop some hints on our future call that I want to talk about our feelings?
Mia
October 23, 2020 at 1:00 am
I’m just wondering how I would know when the right time was. We have broken up over a year ago, but we have never stopped calling or texting. He is with someone else .. she came in when we were together and going through rough times because of his work situation kept him on the road so we were fighting more and didn’t get to see each other. So I don’t need someone saying respect her.. because she had no respect for me. He tells me recently they have nothing in common and that we have everything in common. And he’s started to bring up the good memories we had. He also freaks out if he thinks I’m going to disappear on him. Even came to my work last week to make sure we were ok… and told me he would go crazy if he couldn’t talk to me. And he is a great person he is kind to anyone. So he’s not a bad person. He is always the one who will call or text first. And ask if I want to go out and do something. But I’m just tired of waiting for him to make his mind up. I know I mean a lot to him. But I need to move on if he isn’t going to choose me. But people tell me maybe he thinks I don’t care about him in that way anymore so he doesn’t want to tell me how he feels like he’s afraid too…. I want to tell him how I feel and that i need space n time to move on before we continue being best friends. I just don’t know how to do it or even when… and I don’t want to hurt him but I don’t want to just be friends right now either and if he ever thinks I’m dipping out on him he comes and finds me…
Lilly
June 17, 2020 at 6:24 am
It’s been almost two months since my bf and I broke up. We had no problems. He simply said he’s not ready and he’s feeling the spark disappearing. I miss him a lot. I did the no contact and texted him. he replied normally like usual. But, he never initiates conversation. I have to initiate conversation but he replies like nothing’s wrong. What should I do? Should I continue texting him?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
June 17, 2020 at 9:54 am
Hey Lilly, when you text are you following the advice that Chris has given? Your texts need to follow the advice to get him investing in talking to you
Pretty
May 27, 2020 at 6:36 am
Hello…1 week ago my bf broke up with me… saying that he can’t do this anymore bcoz I was some how needy n insecure n aslo he want to be single…what can I do I love him alot…
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
May 29, 2020 at 5:02 pm
Hey there, so you need to start following the program. Working on yourself and your Holy Trinity. Complete a 45 day No Contact.
June
May 18, 2019 at 7:51 pm
My boyfriend broke up with me almost 2 weeks now. He said he was fed up with my attitude that i always think bad about him when he wasnt doing anything wrong, and i was so focused on him, we always fight about this. He also told me that the relationship with me was very hard. He blocked me on his phone and whatsapp, I emailed him days after the break up because i was really anxious, i didnt get a reply right away. Just 3 days ago he emailed me back, he said he is hoping im doing good and that he missed me too, also saying sorry for the hurt he didnt mean to do it, he doesnt want someone is crying because of him, telling i should be strong and don’t cry. I want to know what all these means, is he not coming back?
I want another chance, im willing to change my attitude for the better. I love him so much. Please help me.
Briana Hollinger
September 10, 2018 at 7:57 pm
Ok, so my ex and I broke up 3 weeks ago which was awful for me because I love him so much. The first week we broke up I begged him to come back (massive mistake) then the second week was better but I broke down and texted him how I felt. But this third week we have literally not talked as much at all and he seems happier now. So I was wondering if it was ok if I ask him out for just a simple game of tennis and smoothies after. Would that be ok just to catch up but not tell him how I feel yet?
Chris Seiter
September 11, 2018 at 12:46 am
Hi Briana!
I am sorry you are in so much pain. You can look at joining my Private Facebook Support Group or pick up the “No Contact Rule Book” which can help you a lot. You can try the tennis and smoothies…but if it goes south, then consider no contact rule.
Alice
August 27, 2018 at 7:32 am
Hi Chris! I really don’t know what to do please help! So I broke up with my boyfriend like 2 weeks ago. Before that we had been breaking up and getting back after a few days! We had a lot of fights before that. And this was because I was talking to my ex! This was where it all started! He found out that I was talking to my ex and got pissed but in all honesty we were not at all serious and I was not talking to my ex in a sexual way or having any relationship, it was just things that we both needed to do for each other and not relationship wise, things to do with our studies. After he found out and didn’t like it I stopped completely contacting my ex and did everything to prove to him that there is no contact with my ex and he still kept asking for more and more which I did give him. He kept saying I had cheated on him with my ex which wasn’t true at all. Now the reason of our break up was that he is a very hot tempered person he will get pissed at anything at any time. We had agreed to work on things and I had agreed to be there even when his temper took over him since he complained about loosing people because of it. I had promised to stay! And I did! Now all of a sudden after just a little misunderstanding he broke up with me and blocked me, I tried contacting him but he wouldn’t pick my calls! I tried and tried but he didn’t pick up or answer my texts! I stopped two days after the breakup I sent him a long ass message telling him how I feel but he still didn’t say anything! The next day he sent me pictures of him and blocked me again! I did not say anything or tried contacting him! I really do love him but I don’t know what to do! I want him back what should I do? And oh! We were in a long distance relationship not through out the relationship though! What would you advise Chris?
Chris Seiter
August 27, 2018 at 3:35 pm
Hi Alice…so it seems your ex is a bit fussy as all this blocking would suggest some angry or immature reaction. Time for no contact. Pick up my eBook so you understand how to do it properly so as to benefit in multiple ways.
Angel
August 26, 2018 at 8:24 pm
Hello,
I was dating this guy for a little under 2 months. We hit it off really well. We lived about a hour from one another but we found ways to spend time in person. He always texted through out the day. He was my ideal man. Over time we began to have a more deeper connection. I saw myself falling in love with him one day. So one day I got the text that he likes me a lot but does not want a relationship. My heart shattered so I decided to call him. We spoke for a brief moment and o had asked him did he feel like he was being pressured and he said, “no everything was happening organically”. He even mentioned how he loved my heart and my passion and that I make him happy and that he thoroughly enjoyed being with me. Of course I asked if it’s anyother woman and he said no. So I seen him that night and wanted to have a final goodbye. The way he hugged and kissed it didn’t seem like he wanted it to end. So the next day I reached out to him and basically he just said if both of our common goal isn’t to be together it wouldn’t work. He wanted to focus on being friends after everything settled down and made it clear he doesn’t want to be friends with benefits, which I asked what is his intentions on being friends. After that I tried the ncr it lasted for 3 days cause it’s went out with a friend and had a drink or two and got in my feelings and texted him. He texted right back, which was some what surprising. I had to get some closure, and asked if he was scared, nervous or anxious and he replied that as we were moving into being serious that it made him aware of where he is a person and he didn’t want a relationship. He also said that he became anxious because he didn’t want to hurt me. After that day I left him alone and I am 16 day in to the ncr. I do post on Snapchat and he looks at all my pictures. We’re not Facebook or Instagram friends. I know the time was short but I truly do believe there was something there between us. Also a couple of days before he ended things he sent me a good night text with a red heart emoji, which he’s never done before, it’s usually a kissy face. I didn’t know if I should have read into it, but I sent a goodnight text with my normally kissy face back. I’ve went on dates but I can’t get him off my mind. For me it’s isually easy for me to move forward from a short period of time dating someone. With him I can’t, I really miss him and want him. I’m really doubting the no contact rule deep down I hope it works. What should I do at this point?
Chris Seiter
August 27, 2018 at 3:44 am
Hi Angel!
Sounds like you are doing a good job with your NC….being active on social media. Just follow my program and when its time to reach out, use the method I discuss in my eBooks. For NC to really work the best, you need to strive to detach from him so you don’t miss him so much and realize your full value with him. It is then that you have full empowerment and all of this make you a even more valued woman to him and yourself.
Elle
August 23, 2018 at 1:01 pm
Hello Amor! Would love some help. :/
I just broke up with my ex for a week. We’ve been together for about two months, though it was rocky. We clicked really well on our first date and everything progressed quickly, but because I don’t trust guys easily, in the first month I was “in the moment” with him, I felt like I was testing water with him. Although we had tons of fun, He kept trying to make me jealous by telling me that girls are texting him. But I’m always cool with it. I also did other actions that were my fault, like using my phone a lot when I’m with him and with all these, he felt like I don’t love him and didn’t assured him enough. He wanted to move on and I told him I’ll change but it takes time and effort, ultimately he lost trust and faith in me. I just texted him last night saying that I miss him. He said he had feelings for me previously but he’d rather focus on studies and isn’t looking for a relationship anytime now. He asked me not to ask for another chance when I blew it. I asked if we could stay as Friend, since we had spark and I can read him well, who knows in the future if we are both available we could work again. And he said he’s fine being friends but asked if I need more time to move on first before we start talking again. I told him yeah that’s for the best, good luck!
Truth is I’m going to focus on myself, improve myself, and I don’t even want to seek another guy. I really like him and I don’t want to lose the guy that once cared for me. I’m going to start the 1month NC rule, his birthday is coming in 1.5 months, I’m planning to use it as a way to initiate a conversation with him. But I’m not sure how it will turn out. Do you think birthdays are a good convo starter, I’m not sure what to say afterwards! Like if I keep that conversation short, do I start another one in future. Will he have that mentality that “ this girl isn’t over me “
Chris Seiter
August 23, 2018 at 10:51 pm
Hi Elle!
This is Chris. I realize things are just happening and feelings a raw and confusing. I am glad you are focusing on your own healing and being the best version of yourself as they is sooooo important. I do think birthdays are good convo starters. Pick up my detailed ebooks and it will walk you thru all the ways you re-establish contact with your ex. Just go to my home page and you will find all kinds of resources to help you, but it is best to have comprehensive plan
June
August 14, 2018 at 12:25 pm
Hi,
My ex and I dated for a year before I called it quits last Dec due to my insecurity due to a traumatic experience which happened years ago. For the next half a year, we remained as friends and in June, he told me that he would like to date someone else. I was hurt but I gave him my blessings. For the last 2 months, we didn’t contact each other. He texted me last week and told me that he has broken up with the gf and asked if I was seeing anyone. We met up a few days later and it felt like before.
It was only after the break up, I realized that he was an emotionally unavailable man and I told him about it.
Am I right to assume that it was a big thing for him to take the initiative to text me after 2 months of NC? Or I’m just a fallback girl?
I tried to be cold as possible these few days. What should I do next?
Chris Seiter
August 17, 2018 at 3:04 pm
Perhaps the other girl is the rebound girl and you are the “catch”. Don’t be cold. Explore the connection, but slowly. Allow things to build slowly as if you were dating for the first time.
Claire
January 23, 2018 at 3:34 am
My husband and I have been separated for going on 3 years. We went to a therapist after about 1.5 years of being apart and were starting to date again. I was also seeing someone else and that became more serious and we moved in together. I couldn’t stop thinking about my ex, my new relationship ended. I told my ex that I love him and I miss him. He’s seeing someone else, he tells me he’s not in love with this person. He hasn’t filed for divorce and he still has my wedding dress. We’ve been texting but I sort of dumped onto him that I love him. I’m not sure what to do now
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 24, 2018 at 12:11 pm
Hi Claire,
What did he say when you told him you love him?
Moni
December 30, 2017 at 7:27 pm
My ex dumped me after I confronted him about messages to another woman. Literally made it all about me wanting out, told me he was done and with no discussions or talks or anything about the initial topic, packed up and left 2 days before Christmas. Up to that point I would have considered our relationship amazing. I have made no contact with him since he left which is just over a week. Obviously I am heartbroken, this is man I had a crush on for 20 years and we were engaged to be married. Now he is telling mutual friends i ended the relationship and he is “dead inside”. Do I make contact? What does this all mean?
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 31, 2017 at 10:44 pm
Hi Moni,
If he was talking to another woman, looks like he just used your reaction as a reason to break up.. Yes, continue nc.. be active in improving yourself and in posting in social media..
Sarah Van Belle
December 30, 2017 at 8:31 am
My ex and I broke up 2 months ago after a relationship of about a year. The first week after the break up we would still talk occasionally and we met up one time. After that I started the no contact and focused on myself. He send me a picture of us after a week, but I didn’t reply.
Then, about three weeks ago, he started responding on my social media again. I did reply but just neutral and short answers and cut off the conversation rapidly. This happened a few times until he asked me if we would ever have a normal conversation again because he misses me. We started to talk a bit more, always on his initiative. And last week it kind of escalated into me telling him that if he still has feelings and thinks that breaking up was a big mistake, he should do something about it, but I can’t/won’t change the situation for him. Following that he asked me on a date.
The date was last week and everything went great. We had a lovely conversation. And when he followed me to my bike to say goodbye, he tried to kiss me. Which, at first I rejected because I didn’t see that coming, but when he said it was fine and we could meet up again first, I decided to go for it and give him a kiss. The date ended with him saying that we should meet up again really fast.
I didn’t text him the following day and neither did he text me. But the day after that (yesterday) he did send me a random text saying he was gone playing snooker.
I think what I really want to know is: am I on the right track here? Is there something specific I could do that I am missing? And should I start texting him first, and how often?
For the record: the reason we broke up was because he believed he wasn’t good enough for me. He thought I let him walk over me with his behaviour because I never got mad and we never had a fight, which he had regularly in past relationships. The only “bad thing” he did was saying we couldn’t meet up because he still had to do a lot of work. Which I understand because I also prioritise work above everything else.
Thank you for your time!
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 31, 2017 at 10:21 pm
Hi Sarah,
you’re on the track on taking it slow but you can initiate texting.. check this one:
Texting An Ex Boyfriend (The New Rules)
Angelah
December 29, 2017 at 12:26 am
We were together for six months and I broke up with him when he told he that he didn’t see us getting married. I never told him that I thought he was the one.
I feel like there were so many misunderstandings that maybe he based his decision on assumptions. I know now that there was a huge lack of communication.
I want to give it another try. So I tried the NC for one month and texted him today. The conversation went well but I haven’t heard from him in a few hours.
I’m trying to keep myself distracted but what should I do? Should I wait for him to text me or try again another day?
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 31, 2017 at 8:30 pm
Hi Angelah,
how active are you in improving yourself and in posting? Check this one:
Texting An Ex Boyfriend (The New Rules)
Qismat
December 24, 2017 at 3:00 am
We already broke up 3 times in 9 months …after following all process of no contact i started texting him…he wants me to propose him…but i am unable to do that because i heared that he is finding girl for himself to get married …which was true…but i kept texting him for 3months. He has busy schedule because of that i can’t call him…he only texted me 3-4times a day…Being hurt each day… And finally when he got the girl he ended conversation with me…and i just happily accepted it…then he blackmail me that he will ruin my image in society …i didn’t respond to that..then he started posting i miss u…i didn’t respond to that…he broken me in such a way that now its been 3months over for our break up but i can’t accept any guy who proposes me because everyone seems to be cheat and boring…all i have is his memories…coming in my mind distracting my focus from my work…
Hanna
December 24, 2017 at 12:23 am
Hey Amor,
wow thanks for the reply. Unfortunately I read it a bit late and things developed again. I found out he flirted with girls during our relationship and felt betrayed. So i blew things up and made him running fast. After that I made all possible mistakes written in the book and on the page here. I told him I need space and then contacted him AGAIN, discussed the relationship until he said he doesn’t see a future with me and I am not the one for him and he really thinks we are better off alone and maybe just be friends. (Before that we actually deescalated and talked very nicely about films, even laughed, but then started the relationship topic again)
I am in No Contact since then.
I didn’t write a slate text yet, everyone kept telling me to just let him be. For two days I am crying my eyes out because it feels now I gave away all chances because I made so many mistakes until then. I was thinking to text him, that I understand and I accept the mistakes I made. But I didn’t do.
So Shall I continue no Contact without texting? Or still send him a slate text, as you suggested?(And does it make sense at all, I mean I feel like he is gone for good…). I am suer confused since I made so many mistakes.. (and one text on the page says…write an apology, others say stay radio silent… so I am stuck in the middle)
I really adore your work guys! Thanks for the patience.
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 26, 2017 at 4:27 pm
If you already sent a clean slate text and then you gnatted, you can’t send it again..just restart nc and stick to it.. The more you restart it, the less it can help you
Emily
December 17, 2017 at 5:06 pm
My bf of two years broke up with me about going a month ago. I am trying the nc for going to a month but I am not sure if it is going to work as he have not talked to me since I started.
Before the breakup, I did all the things that I should not have reason, beg, cry. He told me we have been constantly quarrelling over the same issue for almost a year and have not come to a compromise conclusion and he is kind of exhausted. He says he still love me but because of it he feels different and thinks we should not be together because we have very different point of view and personality.
He says he wants some time to think about it and we might get back in the future when we change in like years down the road. He didn’t give me a definite answer of whether we are going to get back together, he just say we should do our own stuff for now and maybe go on dates and he say I might think he is actually not the one.
Do you think I can still make this relationship work out after all this
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 20, 2017 at 6:59 pm
Hi Emily,
Try the no contact rule first, if it doesn’t work, then move on..
Hanna
December 17, 2017 at 12:13 am
Hey Amor
Thanks again for the reply. Well mostly he needs space she he feels I get needy. He feels obligated or responsible for me and he doesn’t want to have someone in his life until it’s stable. He hates heavy topics and things that bother him emotionally. I also need to say he is Muslim I am Christian and his fears and the pressure and differences are high.
Today things escalated. Yesterday I was special needy and today he started a fight over religion or his point of view telling me he think we are not compatible and it can’t go on like that. And he doesn’t want to bother about other problems he has fears and he doesn’t want me. He feels relieved to say that.
I was super confused because why all of a sudden….
In the end he asked me some days off so that he can calm. Ideas nagging afterwards tbh but want to take distance now. He said he wants to give me a fair chance to talk later. He knows my feelings now and that upsets me because I am back at 0 it seems even though we developed very well. I can’t believe. Propably that problem now is wrong here under that article but we already talked here.. anyway what shall I do now? Can I change a guys mind about compatibility or stuff?
He said he wants to fall out of love because it would be easier for us both. So what now?
(I mean we both were so lovely before… He called me sweetheart..he said he misses me and even that he loves me and now in the fight he said nah he did that only to stop me nagging…)
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 20, 2017 at 6:43 pm
You can’t control other people, therefore you can’t change their minds, you might influence them but the irony with that is the most influential people, are the ones who are more sure about themselves and will move on from a person who they’re not connecting with.. you need to send a clean slate text.. tell him you understand his decision, thank him for everything but the current situation of waiting for him is not workable for you, now, restart your nc and do at least 45 days.
Christina
December 16, 2017 at 12:49 pm
My ex and I have a child together. I took steps back from him because he became depressed and started to act out with alcohol. When he pulled away further he revealed that he had been cheating on me. I took more steps back (decided to move into my own apartment with my son and told him I would be focusing on me). Now he is “angry” at me for pulling away because he says he was ready to “change” for me and I pushed him away. He has not fully changed as he still sees the other woman and is still drinking. He is doing these things less, and has started seeking help in a men’s bible study group, and he became more loving and kind towards me for a brief period of time, but there is no real change yet. Anyways, I am attempting minimal contact with him as we have a son together, but he is bouncing back and forth between avoiding me (and our son) entirely (for a week at a time) or sending me long messages about how hurt he is and how angry he is at me for pushing him away, and how I never loved him etc. etc. I wonder if no contact/response to his accusations of not loving him are hurting my chances of us reconciling as he is using this as proof of my not caring about him and being “selfish and moving on”. Is anger and feeling unloved an important part of this process? Should I continue to ignore his hurt messages?
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 20, 2017 at 5:13 pm
Hi Christina,
his anger is his form of trying to get control.. what did you say when he said that? Because if you would have said, “Change first, prove it first.” It would have been different because that shows you’re really tired of him and you’re implementing your standards.
Simmi
December 15, 2017 at 7:41 pm
We broke up 2 yrs ago. N two weeks back i texted him to have a simple hi hello.
When i asked him if he got a dog coz he loved them. He mentioned a thing that “after u left me i realised that not all dogs are loyal”
I felt this sentence had a deep meaning.
Thn later we both apologised for the things we did wrong that time.
Thn the next time i texted him a “hi”. He did not reply.