Should You Give Up On Your Ex Boyfriend? Let's Explore That Idea...

264 thoughts on “Should You Give Up On Your Ex Boyfriend? Let’s Explore!”

Madison

September 9, 2016 at 8:40 am

My ex boyfriend and I start going out together since May. We haven’t made ourselves official since both of us are still building our careers. Lately, I noticed that he’s liking his ex-girlfriend’s vacation photos and current profile picture in Facebook. At first I am cool with it, but it’s nagging at the back of my head. I then later on told him about it. He said, “It’s just a like, nothing special.” then he teased me repeatedly for being jealous.
The other day, he posted something at work and his ex was the first one to like it. I went to her profile and he liked a recent post she shared in her timeline. Again, my feelings became heavy. It seems like they’re exchanging likes.

I asked my male friend’s insight regarding it and he said it’s nothing to worry about. He just likes the post and that’s it.

Now my ex and I are not talking right now and I said something hurtful at him. I told him I need time to be alone and think. The next day I messaged him and he ignored me. Then come Thursday he told me, “I think you still need more time to think.” And I said that he is right and told him I have a hard time trusting him, that my trust is destroyed one by one. His only response was, “Just think.”

I wrote a lengthy message which I planned to send to him once I am ready. In that message I also brought up his hobby of liking his ex’s photos and posts. My friend advised against it, saying it will only create tension and anger between him and I. I did ask him about her, if he ever attempted to rekindle their relationship and he said no and whatever happened between them, it’s all in the past now. But I still don’t believe him.

He told me that he decided to come back because he is in love with me. If there is definitely something going on between them, what’s the point of going back to me, right?

I have a hard time lowering my wall of trust issues since he and I went back together. Maybe I should stop being so paranoid about it. My friend told me that men are hardwired to answer questions without the “read between the lines” prefix. If they say no, then it’s a no. She said I have to take it at face value. But despite of that, I a still confused. If I ask him or bug him about it, he might see me as controlling and insecure because I already asked him that question many times. Help! 🙁

Madison

September 10, 2016 at 4:07 pm

I did. I am currently doing the no contact rule right now. I don’t expect him to change, all I wanted was for him to set the record straight between him and the ex. The problem is also me since I can’t seem to see how sincere he is. That is why I wrote him a message to know what is exactly going on in my head. No, we’re not yet official but let’s say he and I are dating exclusively.
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 12, 2016 at 9:04 am

That’s good. I cant assure you that nc will make things official but it will make him miss you and think
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 10, 2016 at 11:17 am

Hi Madison,

okay.. You asked him many times but did you try to really mean what you’re trying to say to him? Did you try doing the no contact rule? Or you just kept sticking to him, hoping he will change?

You said you went back together, so that means you eventually became official?

Coco Doll

September 5, 2016 at 1:16 pm

And I also talked to his brother girlfriend again, he told her he misses me and wants to work it out, but I have to b Willing to change, its day 28 ..what on earth do I do now, seems like he does wants me back already, but he thinks its gna b the same way…which I know its not. How do I prove to him I’m a changed woman?

Shamia J Hannibal

September 8, 2016 at 3:50 am

Thanks for your advice, the whole situation changed . on day 30, i friend requested him back, he liked every single one of my pics, basically begging for my attention.. So i reached out to him, sent him a simple, but sweet text…little convo, he seem like he was happy i reached out…the next day i tagged him a awesome video he loved, said goodmorning, he texted me twice….than boom , he started texting me back to back , i did the same but not once brung up the breakup. Just casual, fun conversation… Than it lead to sexual…than back to simple conversation. He told me he sees a difference in me, i guess he was viewing and watching me the whole time (literally) . so im playing it cool now… Taking it slow… I wont text him tomarrow tho…
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 9, 2016 at 10:42 am

goooooood! Take it slow!
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 6, 2016 at 6:35 am

Hi Coco doll,

it’s good that he liked your posts but he’s not convinced that you’re really changing which is normal because it’s just been less than a month. He might have an idea that you’re just doing it to portray that you’re changing. YOu need to do 45 days, and then continue that routine even when you start talking to him

Coco Doll

September 4, 2016 at 8:32 pm

Yes I have started a new life , I actually found myself again as well. I’ve been working out, cooking again which is one of my hobbies,just started modeling, even went on a date! But after everything, I still miss him…matter of fact, its worse than before, I wanna share all my wonderful information to him, its day 26 of No contact and its funny, I recently posted a missing someone quote and his brother girlfriend commented on it, (we still close) than suddenly a day later he likes that post on my Facebook and Instagram! He literally came out of the blue. Got me wondering if he been watching my Facebook and Instagram this whole time….so what do I do, like one of his pictures back or wait ..?
Coco Doll

September 3, 2016 at 7:58 am

8 months..and its day 24 of Nc

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 4, 2016 at 11:10 am

ok.. if he said you were clingy.. then you have to start to have your own life.. he needs to think and believe you have your own life now.. if you havent started on a new routine, you have you to restart the count

Sweety

August 31, 2016 at 2:04 pm

Hi EBR Team,

I and my Ex BF dated for 3years, everything was jst going fine bt than he suddenly brokeup and blocked me didnt answer my calls etc. the only reason he gave me was i was nagging and wanted to control him (bt this was not the case he took advantage of giving him that “space”- he used to hangout with gals without even telling me and when i used to confront him he used to say they are jst his frnds) All this ended up very badly. i loved him truely and he said he too was serious for me and never cheated on me. After all this within 8 months approx he strtd dating a gal which was friends with the gal he used to hangout (at this point i wasnt even talking to him and he strtd hanging and chilling out with my best frnd and her other two three frnds, when i saw this it hurt me alot i even confronted my frnd bt she told me i was overthinking and they just chill around- here i have no doubts on him and my friend dating but what was bothering me was why he needs to get in & connect with my set of friends also we have many mutual friends too). was he getting my where abouts and info too??? i doubt.
After a year of him dating that other gal exactly before my bday he strtd calling and texting me.. initially i ignored him bt he dropped in several calls and texts…. i read and also asked him to stay away from him. that dat he asked me to meet him up next dat which i refused bt he said he needed to confront me..so after couple of days i met him he asked me to forgive him and that he was sorry for his behaviour and that he didnt wanted to do it forcefully bt it was for betterment for both of us. (during those few days we talkd alot on calls and texts- he told me his gf does not care about him and even if he dies and that hez suffering coz he thinks he didnt do rite with me ) later during those time his gf strtd contactg me and we chatted several times- shez sweet bt was very doubtful about her relationship with him as his parents and family wont accept her, she even told me that he kept talking about me several times all this years and she still thinks he loves me and we both can work out if we compromise on few stuff like his hangingout with gals and too much freedom and that i should not control and suffocate him. I was very surprised on hearing that he talked about me to her, this was not the first time i was hearing before also he has talkd about me to few of my friends. Again on confronting him he straightaway didnt bother to answer me to this point and said he loved that other gal.
after few months that gal and my ex brokeup which i got to knw from his ex ( they almost dated for a year and few months). its been almost 3yrs since our breakup . since May again we are in contact and decided to talk as friends normally when one day we had a very good and long conversation leaving behind our topic of breakup. since than few fights regarding that ex gf of his and our breakup rest everything we enjoy and when we talk we are so engage in our talks we even met once in august.
Now the main question for me is i still love him (ALL THIS YEARS HEZ ALWAYS BEEN ON MY MIND AND I HAVE THAT STRONG INTUTION FROM THE STARTING OF OUR DATING DAYS THAT WE WILL MARRY EACH OTHER) and whenever that topic arises i just ignore because he gets too angry and asks me to stop talking to him if this is so and than manages to slide in that we can talk couple of times in a month and that we should not talk on regular basis, also he and hez ex gf are not in talking terms bt i and hez ex do talk once in a while. (he left her for her good as it had no future also he had given her a choice to choose between her friends and him ,where she choosed her friends-thats what he gave reason to me and that gal) according to me that gal didn’t even care abt the relationship and him . sometimes while talking to her i could undrstd that she didn’t even take pains to know small and personal /family details of him which are general to be known. Sometimes I wonder what was there in her was he just rebounding because even when they dated they were on and off several times. He shares till date every possible thing somethings with me which he hasn’t shared with that gal also.

I M NOT UNDERSTANDING WHAT HE WANTS FROM ME?
HE ROAMS AROUND GOES ON DATES, FLIRTS WITH MULTIPLE GALS –WHICH HE EVEN TELLS ME( although i have said him i m nt intrstd in knowing any details of any random gals of his) HE HAS ALSO SAID THAT HE IS NOT THE SAME GUY AND THE GAL WHO WILL MARRY HIM WILL HAVE TO COMPROMISE WITH HIM. Which i totally disagree and he knowns if he sees future with me i wont tolerate his hangouts and over friendly nature with gals- which is quite normal for any couple.
SOMETIMES HE WILL IGNORE MY MESSAGES WHEN HE IS BUSY FLIRTING OR CHATTING WITH OTHER GALS- LATER HE WILL CALL , IF I IGNORE OR MISS HIS CALLS HE WILL START CALLING MULTIPLE TIMES BUT LATER HE WONT EVEN TRY TO CALL NEXT DAY.
I AM NOT ABLE TO UNDERSTAND WHERE IS THIS ALL GOING AND WHAT SHOULD I DO?? SHOULD I WALK OUT AND COMPLETELY STOP TALKING TO HIM ??? OR SHOULD STILL SEEK AND MAKE HIM FALL FOR ME ALL OVER AGAIN- HE INDIRECTLY TOLD ME ONCE THAT IF WE TALK TOO MUCH HE WILL AGAIN FALL FOR ME.
OR IS HE TALKING TO ME TO GET INFORMATION ABOUT HIS EX GF??

Sweety

September 2, 2016 at 6:07 am

So are there any chances of us being together??? should i walk out cmpletely? or try NC?
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 2, 2016 at 5:17 pm

I think there is but you have to get out of the friendzone.. read this one: EBR 012: How To Get Out Of The “Friend Zone” With Your Ex Boyfriend
Sweety

September 1, 2016 at 8:46 am

Hey Amor <3 Thankz for the compliment 😉
There has been no direct talk about how we both feel for each other – he wont even say on that face to face( male ego may be) so even i avoid saying the truth & if i will say my feelings he would say that we shud stop talking, he is treating and considering me as his friend thats what he says, bt i hv cleared it i am not his just friend (somewhere he knows that i still into him but he is very smart he never opens up about his feelings. And i wonder why someone will share everything (about his dates/random gals) with an ex ofcourse i dont like it and he knows it very well still he continues.
I am very confused about his behaviour with me.
Also there is one thing if he seriously does not like me why would he even entertain talking to me??
what should i do??
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 1, 2016 at 2:47 pm

Oh, he friendzoned you.. He continues to talk because he likes you as a person but not that attracted to you to be in a relationship.
EBR Team Member: Amor

August 31, 2016 at 4:42 pm

Hi Sweety,

I like your name.. 🙂 Anyways, was there any sincere talk about what you both feel for each other or he’s just basically treating you like a friend?

Pixelated

August 31, 2016 at 11:25 am

So, this is my story in a nutshell. I had a long distance boyfriend. (10 Months/Countries Apart) I was pretty certain he loved me. I thought I could see it in his eyes when he looked at me. Anyways we broke up. Despite him saying we couldn’t be friends we maintained a friendly relationship and I still loved him and him me. We were trying to work through some issues. (He was insecure/self loathing at times) Recently it seemed like everything was going on the right path. A few weeks back he bought me plane tickets to come visit him and I thought we were finally gonna get back together. Now, fast forward two weeks after he bought said plane tickets he sends me a random out of the blue text message saying “He feels the magic is gone, and he’s sorry. Its goodbye” I kinda snooped found out there was a new “girl” also long distance(2k miles apart). He’s been talking to her for 2 weeks maybe (She’s influenced him to cut out certain friends and myself). They’ve already began telling each other they love each other and have never met. I kinda went all crazy and made a few of the mistakes you said I wasn’t supposed to make but I hadn’t found your website yet. He blocked me on social media bc Im guessing he didn’t want me seeing her or she told him to, too bad I’m good at snooping I confronted him and called him “A lying piece of sh**” he then blocked me on there and everywhere. Im on day 7 of NC and they still seem to be completely in ”love”… I don’t know how she bewitched him but she did bc 2 weeks prior he seemed to be completely in love with me even went so far as to mention marriage. You don’t buy someone plane tickets if you don’t love them do you?. I was going to meet his friends. Anyways… Im gonna do NC for I don’t know how long maybe a couple of months and then see how it goes… I did tell him Id never contact him again after I sent him a letter saying I was okay with his decision and regretted how poorly we both handled everything and wished him well…He naturally did not answer. Do you think I still have a slim chance of getting him back? If Im honest I don’t know if I want him back anymore… I love him but this betrayal was huge and I don’t know if he’s worth it. I mean he picked pixels over me. I don’t know if I will get over it. Anyways, Ive started working on myself am hitting the gym and feeling a lot better… was just curious as to what your take is on all of this craziness?

EBR Team Member: Amor

August 31, 2016 at 3:37 pm

Hi Pixelated,

looks like a grass is greener and now they’re in a honeymoon phase.. I agree with taking no contact.. although the longest we suggest is 45 days but if you need more, go ahead

Confused

August 30, 2016 at 4:20 pm

I did a 30 day no contact with my ex, he contacted me on day 29. We had consistent contact and he said that he wanted to get back together. After that conversation he started to ignore me. I waited a week and intiated contact again. He responded and we have been talking fairly consistently ever since. He even expressed how much he misses me and what he misses about the relationship. But, I always have to initiate contact and lately I’ve only been getting one word answers if any. We’ve only been talking again for a few weeks. Should I stop initiating? I don’t want to appear desperate and I am continuing to do everything that I was doing during no contact I even started something new since we started talking again. But part of me wonders if I should just give up.

Confused

October 19, 2016 at 2:29 am

I texted him today and he told me that he doesn’t want to talk to me anymore. He wouldn’t give me a reason as to why. So, I guess that answers my question. Thank you for all of your help.
Confused

October 17, 2016 at 8:17 pm

He was initiating but now he only responds when I text first. I haven’t texted him for a few weeks and he hasn’t made any effort.
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 18, 2016 at 7:48 pm

for a few weeks now? then you should try to initiate again so you can build rapport.. during this past weeks were you active in social media?
Confused

September 14, 2016 at 4:49 pm

So, I should just not contact him at all?
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 17, 2016 at 5:57 pm

nope..just don’t initiate that much.. be more busy with other activities.. lessen the times you talk to him
Confused

September 9, 2016 at 3:11 pm

I’m just wondering how to proceed because I am the one that is still initiating the majority of our conversations. Even though he is the one that asked for the meetup. I’m not seeing a huge amount of effort on his part, I’m hearing the words but not much action.
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 9, 2016 at 4:39 pm

be less available.. he misses you but he doesnt feel or think that he’s going to lose you if he doesn’t act right now..dont initiate that much anymore..focus on your new activities more and go out with friends
Confused

September 8, 2016 at 4:42 pm

I did one week of no contact and he contacted me first. We began talking again and then he asked to meet up which we did. He told me that he did not want to date anyone else and he even told me about a female friend of his that wanted to date him. (This female friend has been trying to date him for a while even when we were together. ) He rejected her while we were together and let me know that after we broke up she tried again and he rejected her again. This is an on again off again relationship. I asked him why he wanted to date me and he said that he wasn’t sure but that he wanted to keep talking to me. I told him that I wanted to take it slow and start over from the beginning and he agreed. He made a point to keep telling me that he did not have any interest in dating anyone else. I’m just not sure how to proceed.
Confused

September 1, 2016 at 2:38 pm

Ok, so I’m basically coming on to strong. Do you think that I still have a chance? And should I do a variation on a first contact message when I do contact him again?
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 1, 2016 at 3:12 pm

Use a topic that he likes that is current.. I think you have, since he said he misses you.. keep this mini nc productive.. make him miss you more by being active in social media
Confused

August 30, 2016 at 5:12 pm

I did wait a day between texts when we first started talking again and he was initiating but, after the conversation we had about him missing me he stopped. I don’t want to chase him. Should I just let it go and wait for him to contact me or what?
EBR Team Member: Amor

August 31, 2016 at 1:57 pm

Hi COnfused,

I think you should rest for now.. at least a week or 2

Shalmali

August 30, 2016 at 7:20 am

Hey!
So I was done with my NC for 30 days an I initiated the first text after a week of completion. He didn’t respond to me at all! I removed him from all my social media as soon as we broke up and I think that probably got him irritated with me. His social media statuses are all,” #peace #alone freedom is felt in absence of emotions etc”
What do I do now? Should I give up? I think he is really really angry with me.

Shalmali

September 1, 2016 at 6:50 am

Thanks for replying Amor! 🙂
I somehow feel that is way too agitated to even think of being nice to me, let alone the thought of being together. I think he’s gonna play mean now.
It’s his birthday in about 2 weeks. Should I call/text then?
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 1, 2016 at 2:44 pm

Well, you’re not in no contact anymore, so that’s ok.
EBR Team Member: Amor

August 31, 2016 at 8:11 am

Hi Shalmali,

if he is angry with you, give it two weeks before trying again and continue on your activities that you started during nc. Continue improving yourself and being active in social media even if you’re not friends.

Shalmali

August 29, 2016 at 12:12 pm

Hi!
So I completed my NC last week and I made an attempt to text my ex as suggested. However he didn’t reply to me at all! As I already mentioned last time, he has been putting statuses on social media like,”#peace #alone Freedom comes with absence of emotions etc” I had removed him from all my social accounts just within a week of breakup. What do I do now? Should I give up?

EBR Team Member: Amor

August 31, 2016 at 8:11 am

Hi Shalmali,

if he is angry with you, give it two weeks before trying again and continue on your activities that you started during nc. Continue improving yourself and being active in social media even if you’re not friends.

J

August 27, 2016 at 6:50 pm

Hey EBR team,

I’ve commented on a few of the posts because I’ve had a lot of questions but they seem to have disappeared or maybe have not been reached yet? The most important question to me is how long I should be doing NC? We were together 6 months. Never a big fight and had a happy relationship. He broke up from stress of not having a job/money. Started NC right after breakup and now on day 16. He reached out on my bday (NC day 10), I’ve been active on social media and real life which has even attracted other guys, he’s been stalking my snapchat, and now has a job (according to his brother who I’m still close with). So would 21 days be ok or 30?
Thanks for all ur help

EBR Team Member: Amor

August 28, 2016 at 9:55 am

Hi J,

do 30 days..if he sees you’re having funnin social media, he would gwg reminded of the fun times you had together and miss you

Jenna

August 27, 2016 at 4:48 pm

I dated my ex for about 4-5 months before things ended. He is the first guy in a long time that I really liked and we got along great with very similar upbringings, beliefs, interests and personalities. I felt so happy and positive when with him and genuinely think he really liked me and is a good person. We talked about how neither of us dated much because it’s so hard to meet good people, and we are both so independent that we didn’t waste time dating just to date unless we genuinely like the other person. He said I was the first girl in 2 years that he liked and was genuine. The same was for me about him.He has a very busy job and when dating we saw each other about once and week, but talked every day. Towards the end it got to the point where we would go 2-3 weeks without seeing each other. I understood he was busy but I just felt like if he really liked me he should have made more of an effort to make time to see me if the relationship were to ever progress. When I had that conversation with him, he admitted to liking me but not wanting a serious relationship with anyone at this point. That’s when I decided to pull back a little. I felt that it was too hard to talk to someone everyday that i really liked if we didn’t see each other for weeks at a time and things weren’t progressing. We continued to remain friends and still talked a few times a week,continuing both genuine conversations and flirtatious/sexual texts. I then noticed him pulling away emotionally and contacting me less and less. I had a gut feeling he met someone. About a week later he contacted me letting me know that he started to talk with someone else. He said he knew I wasn’t the type of girl that wouldnt date a guy who was also seeing other girls so he wanted to be honest with me. I of course was devastated, but agreed to remain friends with him.

After that conservation, I did not speak or have contact with him for 3 weeks. This was before I even knew about your website or the NC rule (I didn’t stumble across to your great services until a week ago). While I still really like this guy, I knew he was with someone else. So I went on vacation and hit the gym hard…I got in great shape. When he saw pics I posted of my vacation, that’s when he contacted me. At first his texts were the basic how are you doing, small talk, etc and complimenting me on how much he liked my pictures. I also learned that it didn’t work out with that other girl and they no longer were dating.

Since our initial contact, he has been texting me about once a week, sometimes once every other week. I’m frustrated because it’s not progressing and he has made no effort to see me or ask me out, and while some of our conversations are genuine and friendly, most have been sexual and flirtatious. I’m still working on improving myself and have gotten in even better shape, traveling and having fun. He continues to like just about every single picture I post on social media. I worry that I have become too available to him, always responding to him, flirting with him back, that he thinks he can always get me,but he’s still out there looking for something better. We haven’t seen or hooked up with each other at all since the break off btw.

Here is where I have questions, now that I’ve found your website and bought your book. Do I start the NC rule now this late in the game? Or do I give up? I do think he likes me if he’s still contacting me( he initiates about 75% of the texts). And how do I get him to want more and progress past the random texting pattern?

Thanks for your help.

EBR Team Member: Amor

August 30, 2016 at 1:29 pm

Hi Jenna,

it’s like you already started nc.. the only difference is that you kept talking while improving yourself.. try nc as a last option.. stop responding and then just continue being active in social media..

Vivienne

August 27, 2016 at 11:49 am

Hi Chris/Amor,

I wrote to you before and you suggested a 21 days NC. I used the shock and awe approach, in the beginning I’ve got positive and fast responses, but later, he texted that I mentioned I thought of him when I xxxxx, out of respect for both me and the girl she is dating, he wants me to understand it is over and he hopes I won’t find it too hard to move on with my life. I replied he is such a narcissist, I said “think of you” doesn’t mean something big as I think of xxx (my friend’s name) when I see xxx, i told him not to be silly now and told him to trust me I have already moved on and he is just an old friend to me and he replied “ok, thank you :)” He just started his relationship with her and they are very in love now I believe as it just started for a few days. I haven’t written anything back yet, what’s my next step?

EBR Team Member: Amor

August 28, 2016 at 7:37 pm

Hi Vivienne

yes you could use texts only.. and I think they’re in the honeymoon phase and he’s in protective mode because he thinks you’re trying to get him back but I think you neutralized the situation with what you replied to him.. so, now you have to keep doing the activities you started in nc while rebuilding rapport with him and then ok, rest for a few days and then initiate texting again just avoid remember me texts again

Jennifer

August 26, 2016 at 5:05 pm

My ex and I broke up 4 months ago. We were together for 10 months and I had moved in with him and his son a month before we broke up. I looked at his phone and saw he was talking to another woman. I told him I was done and left. He didn’t even care that I left! I sent him so so so many texts over the first month and a half. He finally blocked me and instead of taking a hint I tried other forms of communication, Instagram, email, Facebook. I am now blocked on his Instagram also. I know that he has been seeing someone for at least a mont or two. I’m thinking its a rebound? Also, I have to tell that his son, who is 7, has an Instagram account. While I was trying to send my ex a message in there, I sent it to his son instead. He told me if I ever tried to contact his son again he would seek to press charges. I told him it was an honest mistake! With all of this said, is there anyway he would come back to me?

EBR Team Member: Amor

August 30, 2016 at 10:45 am

Hi Jennifer,

I don’t think it’s a rebound. Is it the same girl that you caught him talking to? Right now, he thinks you’re chasing him. Do you want to do 45 days no contact and start on having new routine improving yourself?

Rachel

August 26, 2016 at 6:49 am

It’s been 10 months since we broke up. We met up for dinner and walk in the park in march. We stopped talking because I asked to be his gf again. He blocked me. I texted him and called him and he ignored me. It made me crazy. I started ringing about 20 times and texted around 30. I usually have class but that all went down the drain. He then proceeded to delete pics of me and my friends ends on his fb. It was really upsetting me. I sent him a text saying I’m coming to his flat after work and we need to talk. He didn’t reply and I just went. We spoke and he was so rude. He was like can’t you take a hint women I don’t want you. Then he calmed down nd was like ok fine let’s do dinner this week then he flipped and said no you can’t control my thoughts. He sid he isn’t want me back because i had an issue with the fact he smokes and I always nag at him not being motiavated. Then he was like ok we can be frIends. He was like but u can’t be friends with ur ex. He said it will only hurt me more then he switched and go mad again. He was like me and my friend all think your crazy. I tried to defend myself saying I’ve never done this over any guy but it’s because he’s passive aggressive so it’s hard to read. He was like I’ll text u just go. I need to calm down. He didn’t text me I’m still blocked on everything. I’m so embarrassed at my behavior. I’ve been through bteak ups before but never begged or beca me a crazy person. I know I need to stay away. He clearly isn’t interested. I deleted all his friends off fb and blocked them. Out of sight out of mind. I do want him bak but I’ve messed it all up now.

Rach

August 30, 2016 at 1:55 pm

Hi Amor,

It doesn’t look like my message has posted. Sorry if u get this message multiple times

So I will just not cintact him and pray he contacts me and wants me back?

Thank you
EBR Team Member: Amor

August 31, 2016 at 1:35 pm

sorry! I just haven’t reached yours yet.. Nope, be active in improving yourself… aim to be the ungettable girl, be independent.. after no contact, you can initiate texting.
Rach

August 30, 2016 at 1:52 pm

Hi Amor,

Thanks for your reply. So what do I do? No contact and sit and wait in hope that he will contact me. I know him well enough to know he won’t ever make the first move. He’s stubborn. I really thought this was the guy I was going to marry. We even looked at rings together.

Okay so I won’t ever contact him. I’ve deleted his number. I just have to pray he contacts me and wants me back

Thanks for your help.
Rachel

August 27, 2016 at 2:02 pm

Surely as it’s been 10 months and if he hasnt wanted me back by now, he never will? If love is real surely it would be easy? minimum arguements and i wouldnt have to chase to want him back. So are you saying i should never contact him and just wait for him to contact me? Cos when i turned up to his flat he was shaking of anger and really didnt want me there
EBR Team Member: Amor

August 30, 2016 at 12:20 pm

You should never chase.. He’s just being friendly and then you started chasing him.. 🙁
EBR Team Member: Amor

August 27, 2016 at 8:28 am

Hi Rachel,

move on without fully moving’ on. Have your own life.. are you actively improving yourself?

K Girl

August 26, 2016 at 2:17 am

Hey! I hope that you are well. I am concerned about my relationship with my (ex) boyfriend. I don’t even know what to call him right now… Just as a little background: I’ve been a widow for 6 years and have a 9 year old daughter. He’s never been married and has no kids. We’re both in our mid-30’s. We grew up in the same town and have known each other since we were in middle school although we were never close friends. I still live in Louisiana while he moved to California last year after a rough breakup, so our entire relationship has been long distance.

Our relationship started as a friendship. He reached out to me via Facebook about 5 months after I had ended a toxic relationship with a classic narcissist. We met up for lunch one day when he was visiting and talked for hours. After that we talked all day as friends, every day via text and phone calls. I had zero intention on getting into a relationship with anyone (much less a long distance one) and for the first couple of months that we talked, he helped me through a lot of healing from my past relationship. We were forced to get to know each other since we were living 1600 miles apart and our friendship blossomed.

Although he always wanted to date me and didn’t ever hide that desire, I was super-hesitant, but finally agreed to go to a festival with him about 2 months into our friendship. After that, we were a couple. Everything happened naturally and we both felt completely comfortable. We often talked about the future (always him bringing it up) and had a magnetism that even strangers noticed and commented on to us.

We are both professionals with the time and means to travel across the country and it seemed to work perfectly. In our 6 months together, we saw each other at least once a month (often for 1-2 weeks at a time) and texted, talked and/or FaceTimed everyday. The travel was split evenly and we made AWESOME memories with no arguing or strained times.

About 2 months into our relationship, he started another master’s degree program which added some additional stress to his life. During that first set of classes, he traveled to see me once and I travelled to see him once and everything was fine. I’m not the needy type, so I made myself scarce so that he could study and focus. All was well. His 2nd set of classes weren’t as easy though and he had some distractions with visiting family, friend’s birthday parties, work travel, etc…(none of which had anything to do with me) and he ended up not doing so well in his classes. He’s very driven, so this affected him tremendously and he withdrew a bit, but he swore that we were still good.

In between that semester and the next, he had a trip planned to see me for 2 weeks and he was super-excited about it. We both were. It had been about 3 weeks since we had last seen each other. He flew in on a Tuesday night. I picked him up and we were so happy to see each other. We spent that night together and saw each other briefly (due to schedule conflicts) the next day. That Thursday, he broke up with me completely out of the blue. Completely. I felt blindsided and was devastated. He said (via phone call no less) that the distance was too much and he just didn’t have time for a relationship. Work and school were too demanding and something had to go. He also said that it had zero to do with how he felt about me and he had no complaints about our relationship. That he still loved me, but had to make a logical decision without letting emotion cloud things. He mentioned that he wouldn’t allow me to uproot and move (although he knows that I love it there and would move in a heartbeat.) He said that he would give me a day or so to think about things and we’d get together to talk in person. He texted me a couple of times that Friday to check on me and I was very short in my replies…and he didn’t text again (nor did I) until the following Saturday.

He sent a string of texts about how he hadn’t slept much since breaking up, how he had made a stupid decision, etc… and asked if he could call me. I said that he could since we hadn’t talked about the breakup really. He called and said that he didn’t text or call sooner because he felt like I didn’t want to talk because of my short responses to his previous texts. He said that he felt he had gotten so stressed that he made a rash decision to breakup with me even though that’s not really what he wanted, etc… And he asked if he could see me before he left. I told him I would see if I could find time and I did. We met for coffee and decided to try again, but I was reserved and hesitant to completely jump in again. I saw him again before he left just to say ‘see you later.’ I was a little emotional since I felt like his visit was wasted with us not speaking for over a week, but he was affectionate and said that he’d be back in a couple of weeks.

Fast forward to him being back in California for the last couple of days. He’s texted me a minimum amount of times and we’ve only talked on the phone once. During that conversation, he said that he doesn’t intend on ever coming back to Louisiana and that there is nothing here for him. I assume that I’m included in that. So, I don’t know what to think now…I know that I can’t be in limbo like this. I won’t be. I’ve been through too much in my love life and have too much to offer to put up with nonsense. With that said, I do love him and know that if he were to stop and think about things rationally, he’d realize we can work long-term. It’s like one minute, he wants long-term, marriage and kids and the next, he’s not sure. I truly feel connected to him and have faith that we can work, but don’t want to waste my time and risk another heartbreak… Do you think it’s worth it?

EBR Team Member: Amor

August 29, 2016 at 5:09 pm

Hi K Girl,

if he really just cant juggle his time for work and relationship then you have to do no contact and establish that you have you own life too

allie

August 25, 2016 at 1:38 pm

Hi EBR team!
So my ex and I were dating for a year. We were on summer break from school and live in different states so we were apart. Right before we left school he told me not to cry, he’ll see me in a week and was acting completely normal towards me. About 2 weeks into our summer vacation we skyped and was crying and told me that he can’t be in a relationship right now, he feels too dependent on me for his happiness and wants to find himself again. He said this is just a break and all he needs is some time and space. I was upset but of course agreed to give him what he needs. He told me if i need to be single to be happy, then i can be and go out and have fun with my girlfriends because if he knows im happy during this time it’ll make it easier on him. months go by and we talk, sometimes about our relationship and how hard this has been for me, and other times just normal funny conversations. but he did slowly text me less, stopped liking my pictures, and slowly showed less interest. he told me that he’s not 100% ready for a relationship yet, but he feels he may be making a mistake and i deserve someone who will fully commit so thats why he won’t jump right back into our relationship. 2 months go by of this when i finally initiate a conversation on what is happening between us because we have to return to school in a few weeks. he started crying again and said that he does love me but sees me as a best friend. he saw how much he has hurt me with this break and can’t bare to hurt me again. he said hes nervous that if we get back together that it won’t work out and ill end up hurt and he just can’t do that to me again. he told me he needs me back in his life, as a friend and i said i don’t know if i can do that which made him even more upset. he said unless something magical happens between us soon then hes not ready to get back together. he also said he will not be dating anyone after me until we graduate. i must make a point that our relationship had no issues, everyone told us what an amazing match we are. we both share the same goals, morals, values, religion, we didnt lie, or cheat, or even fight. i started no contact a week ago, he contacted me two times. we will see each other in a week at school (Same classes and mutual friends). do you think i should give up trying to get back together with him because he said he is not willing to risk hurting me again? i’m not sure how i would approach him when i see him at school also. please help thank you!

EBR Team Member: Amor

August 29, 2016 at 2:17 pm

Hi Anne,

he wants to friendzoned you.. I know you need support in this trying time but aside from him, do you have any other support.. So, in that in that way, you’ll lessen the likelihood of being friendzoned

Anonymous

August 24, 2016 at 10:06 pm

Hi guys!

Love all the information on the site, it’s helped me a lot! However, I’m wondering if I should give up on my ex or not. I don’t want to give up but if the situation is hopeless, then I am prepared to move on.

I was his rebound girl (don’t think either of us knew it at the time) and three months in we broke up. He hung out with his previous ex a few days after our breakup and a week later I initiated a talk. He said it was horrible seeing his ex and knows it’ll never work with them. He suggested we take it slow but I wanted to jump back into a relationship and ended up getting upset when I saw him hanging out with his ex and a few other people again a couple weeks later. I told him we shouldn’t speak because I was getting too caught up and it wasn’t going to work if he still wasn’t completely over his ex.

A week later we ended up talking and he said he misses me, everything reminds him of me and that he doesn’t want me out of his life. He said maybe I was a rebound at first but he has fallen in love with me, asked if I ever saw a future for us and wants to introduce me to his family. At the end of the night we slept together. He said his ex is blocked on social media and is going to tell her not to contact him anymore. I said we shouldn’t talk until he gets that sorted. I’m on day 4 of NC and he’s texted me twice, which I have ignored. I know he has not had that talk with her.

The first time our relationship moved way too fast, as many rebounds do. I’m wondering if I should continue NC, should we just move slow and get to know each other better first, or should I just give up because he’s not over his ex. It’s been 2 months since our initial breakup. I’ve been going to the gym and spending time with my friends the past couple of weeks, which I know he’s noticed because he still likes my pictures.

Any advice would be appreciated! Thank you!

EBR Team Member: Amor

August 28, 2016 at 9:15 pm

Hi Anonymous,

yes, continue being in nc, especially because he isn’t acting upon his word that he is going to talk to her..

focus in nc and in yourself right now and after it, if you still want to try take it slow

prarie

August 24, 2016 at 12:06 am

Hello,

Bit of a complicated situation, I’m hoping someone can help. My boyfriend of a year broke up with me because he thought I didn’t like him – I had a lot of issues opening up to him this year because of PTSD from a past assault coming back to haunt me. We talked a lot about it but I don’t think he understood how much I cared for him or what I was going through, and he “burned out”. Said he was too tired to keep trying on our relationship right now. He said he liked the idea of us building a better relationship in the future, but that it would take time. I completely broke down after he broke up with me though. Had some very horrible triggered reactions, to which he tried to be supportive but usually would end up getting angry and frustrated at me.

He contacts me fairly often to check in and see how I’m doing, so I don’t know if NC would work in this scenario? I’m starting intensive therapy for the issues that plagued me (and our relationship) and don’t know how much I should keep him updated, or if I should actually not respond to his messages since his issue throughout our relationship was him not thinking I liked him, because of what I was going through. Thanks for your help

EBR Team Member: Amor

August 28, 2016 at 8:10 am

Hi Prairie,

when did you break up and how often do you talk?

very very confused

August 23, 2016 at 10:47 pm

Alright, my situation I suppose it isn’t too nuts, but there is one factor involved that I haven’t really seen involved in other people’s break ups on this site before. This will probably be pretty long. It all started probably a month ago. I know this site isn’t about mental illness, but I have anxiety and depression and the past few months I’ve been trying out different antidepressants, and it’s a very difficult process. Well, about a month ago I tried one that really negatively affected my mood and gave me some very dark thoughts.(Don’t worry, I got off and finally found one now that works very well and I am in a better place.)
I admitted to my boyfriend that I had been having these thoughts and it scared him so much he told me a few days later when I told him he considered leaving. We are both in high school, so I understood, that’s something very scary to hear your girlfriend is going through especially when you’re still pretty young. Well, for the next two weeks or so things started going downhill, we got distant, and what happened involving my negative thoughts really threw things off. During this time he went back and forth with himself over whether to leave. Normally he was very committed to me and things were well, but now he was just very lost and confused.
I talked to him on the phone one day about it, and one thing that really sticks out to me now, is how he mentioned that when I talk to him about my depression and anxiety, he feels like he isn’t enough to help me. Basically, it’s not that he didn’t try to help, but he just felt… helpless, watching me go through that. And depression, even though I try to keep my head up, can still sometimes consume me and I think when he witnesses me go through that, and witnessed me go through a point where I felt there was no reason to live, he eventually felt that if he can’t help, there’s no reason to stay. I tried to reassure him that he was, but I understand watching someone you love go through that can really make you feel helpless. He WAS enough. Just having him listen helped me more than anything.
Now, the weird thing is the reason he gave me to break up in the end was because of distance and not as much in common anymore. But, I truly believe that’s not the real reason and him feeling like he isn’t enough played more into it. ‘
Now, we continued talking for not quite a week after we broke up and he checked up on me once, there were no really “Negative” responses from him. He was positive with me mostly, some neutral responses. I did tell him how thankful I was that he gave me so many positive experiences, and I told him that I will miss him. I wasn’t a text gnat, thankfully, but I know immediately after I probably did appear to be quite a mess. He told me when he broke up a little part of him will still love me forever, that he really cared and didn’t want to hurt me, but he had to “move on”. Also, he said he may come back and at the time we broke up there is about a 30% chance he will come back. So, he didn’t say anything like “we are never getting back together”. But, I’m not depending on anything and I know I will survive if he doesn’t come back.
Now here’s where things are starting to scare me. I put the no contact rule into place about five days ago, about a week after we broke up, even though I wish I had put it into place immediately after, and so far, I’m going strong. I have a close friend who is also close friends with my ex, and she’s seen him since the break up and she said that he’s doing okay so far, and the worst part that is starting to scare me is that he already is attracted to another girl. According to what he said to her, he started finding her attractive NOT EVEN A WEEK after we BROKE UP. I honestly do not know how to feel. I’m going to continue the no contact rule and follow the guides on this site from there, but this is where I’m starting to wonder if he’s already moved on that fast? Since I put the no contact rule into place, he has not yet talked to me.
Here is where things get even more confusing to me! According to my close friend, who hung out with him yesterday and today, yesterday he was all over this one girl, and today, now my friend is saying he likes another girl more than the girl he was all over yesterday, but the part that breaks my heart is she said he said noticed this girl, or found her attractive since the middle of our relationship, but he told her the reason he broke up with me was NOT because of any other girl, but just not as much in common anymore.
I’m so sorry this was so long, but I am very confused and I don’t know if that is the real reason he broke up with me, but he is good friends with my friend and really opens up to her, so I do not believe at all he would lie. I am just so confused and wonder if this is all hopeless. I will make it clear he is not dating anyone YET, but he’s just…. already found another girl he thinks is in his words, “cute”, and now I get this bombshell that he noticed this other girl while we were still dating, even though he appeared to me very happy and committed during our relationship and even told me he never wanted to lose me and told me how happy he was.
In conclusion, do you think this is a lost case and it’s worth at all trying to get him back? I also want to make clear I do respect myself, so I would make sure if he ever did come back it was for the right reasons.

very very confused

August 23, 2016 at 11:17 pm

I know I keep posting updates, but I just talked to my friend and she said she talked to him today and right now I don’t cross his mind a lot, and she doesn’t think he regrets leaving or anything like that right now. I do know the break up just occurred less than two weeks ago, but my overall question is do you think any of this is normal or if I even still have a chance. I’ve just been living my life and going out, having fun and not thinking about him too much so I will continue to do that.
EBR Team Member: Amor

August 28, 2016 at 7:29 am

Hi Very, very confused,

it looks like he started to fall out of love or move on while you were still together..keep improving yourself and focus in yourself only for now.. let him be
very very confused

August 23, 2016 at 11:07 pm

I also want to say real quick I know it’s not unusual for guys to notice other girls during a relationship, but not act on it. But this girl he is more attracted to and noticed during the middle of our relationship I also know. Now that he’s single… he’s noticing these girls more. Do you think this is common and I still have a chance to get him back, even though i know it will take hard work and quite a bit of time? I kind of equate what he’s doing to a guy having a break up and then going out to a bunch of bars and now that they’re free find a bunch of girls attractive. Do you think it’s possible to get him back despite him now having a few crushes, even if he eventually enters a relationship with one of them? Again, very soon after we broke up he was noticing these girls.

alicia

August 23, 2016 at 4:07 pm

I really need some help. My husband and I have been separated for 9 months. The problem is we still live together, we still have sex, we still hang out. We went out of town a couple of weeks ago and had a good time. He says he loves me but he doesn’t want to be together right now. He says he doesn’t know if he will ever want to be with me like that again and he is “comfortable” right now. I’ve tried the no contact rule and failed several times because he gets mad when I don’t contact him. I tried to stop having sex with him if he doesn’t commit and he says he doesn’t care. I’ve tried to date (well I lied and told him I went out with someone) he said to just be careful and if I become intimate he wouldn’t want to be intimate anymore. I mean everything we do acts like we are together but he will make it clear we are not. I found out last month when he is not here he is staying at another woman’s house. They just went out of town as well, and he said that they had sex. He has met her family and her kids, but he says they just friends and he has made that clear to her as well. So again I said that I’m not going to sleep with you if you are sleeping with someone else and he said well I’m not going to commit to just sleeping with you. This back and forth has been going on for 9 months. I can never follow through with anything that I said and now I think that he just thinks I’m one big joke. Do you think that this is one of those give up on it and move on types? Will any of the tactics work for me since I’ve been going on the wrong way for 9 months? Please help. What should I do. I can’t stop having sex, we talk and text daily, it’s just a weird relationship. When I say I will stop he gets mad. When I give him an ultimatum he just leaves the house for a week or so then I call asking him to come back. What do I do? I want my husband. We have three kids and have been married for 8 years, but I feel like he is playing game, and I can’t heal or move on because I’m in limbo. How do I go cold turkey? He said the other woman knows about me, knows we live together, know everything and she doesn’t care. 9 months seems like a long time to keep trying. Did I fail because I didn’t follow the rules??

EBR Team Member: Amor

August 27, 2016 at 1:49 pm

Hi Alicia,

dont stop sleep with him because you want him to come back, stop sleeping with him because you value yourself.. He doesnt take you seriously because he knows you’re crazy about him and now the other girl validates his attitude too.
I know this is harsh but if one of your children was in your shoes, how would advise him/her?

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