85 thoughts on “Signs That The No Contact Rule Is Working On Your Ex”

1. 

   Haley

   December 27, 2019 at 12:00 am

   Hi – I have a quick question. I was with my boyfriend for about 1 year and 2 months. I’m 25 and he’s 24. Things were going really well over the summer, but we started having issues end of October through December and he broke up with me on December 19 because my insecurity issues were causing a lot of fights. He said that he “can’t match the feelings I have for him now,” but he “is open to considering trying again in a couple months.” I haven’t been good about the no contact rule but I’m planning to pick that up now. Do you think I should also remove him from being able to see my Snapchat and Instagram stories, or will that make him more likely to forget me and move on? Any advise would be great!

1. 

   EBR Team Member: Shaunna

   January 3, 2020 at 12:25 am

   Hi Haley, leaving him on your social media is to your advantage if you want to get him back by showing how you are living our life and are doing well with out him in your life right now. Stick to your No Contact it is essential for you to follow this program

2. 

   Sarah

   December 24, 2019 at 10:20 am

   hello,
   My boyfriend broke up with me last week. It was so sudden, because we have been together for three months and everything was working great, until an ex girlfriend, with whom he’d had an on and off relationship for about a year, started to put a lot of pressure on him by texting, sending her friends etc. We had already discussed her and he said that he had suffered a lot because their relationship was unhealthy; he said he felt guilty, though, because she was feeling bad and she behaved in a self-destructive way. He said he sonehow felt responsible, but also said that Inwas the only good thing going on in his life and asked me not to leave him.

   About a week ago, however, I came back to my parents’ house for the holidays. We were supposed to spend NYE together (he asked me to). Then suddenly he calls me and tells me that he needs some time because he was feeling really bad and, for no reason, he had started thinking obsessively about his ex during the past week. I was in shock and he kept sayong that it made no sense, that he realised it was an unhealthy behaviour and that he needed time.

   So I waited for five days, no contact, no text. I just waited.

   He finally called and told me he wanted to break up because he did not want to drag me into this situation. Also, he had texted her; when asked if he had still feelings for me he said yes. He said he thought it was just a waste letting go of such healthy relationship like ours.

   Now, I have deleted his numbers, all our pictures. I miss him terribly. I think he might come back, but I will still have trouble believing him. I will probably have to call hom though to get some of my stuff back and give him his stuff back as well.

   I don’t know, I’m just feeling cheated amd sad and broken. What should i do?
   Everyone says I deserve better, but I know what we had.

1. 

   EBR Team Member: Shaunna

   December 29, 2019 at 8:11 pm

   Hey Sarah, it is hard to know what to do but only you know what you want for yourself and if it is him, then its him. To start the process however you need to go into a No Contact and wait for as long as you can with you your things, if they are super important you can break no contact for these things but then go back into a no contact. One thing you need to do is work on yourself so that you are the best version of yourself and work to get over the break up before reaching out to him (30 days)

3. 

   KT

   December 24, 2019 at 2:27 am

   I need some advice. My ex reach out to me today after 5 months of me doing no contact. We were together for 3 years long distance and he broke it off with me because I took him for granted. He’s in a rebound relationship after we broke up. Not sure if they are still together or not. I haven’t responded back to his text. Was surprised to hear from him. How should I respond back to him?

1. 

   EBR Team Member: Shaunna

   December 29, 2019 at 7:13 pm

   Hey KT it depends on what he said and if you are interested in getting him back. If he has reached out friendly then reply

4. 

   Lucy

   December 23, 2019 at 11:57 am

   Hi, really hope you can give me some advice. My ex and I were together 5 years and very serious about one another and our future. We are in our mid 20’s and over the course of the last year we have dealt with a lot of change in relation to his career which I have found challenging to deal with. I didn’t realise the impact it was having on me but I became very difficult in the relationship and took everything out on him while also making it look like we wanted very different things. In August, a month into the very new intense job he had moved to he broke up with me saying he clearly couldn’t make me happy anymore and that we seemed to be on different life paths. I was devastated and knowing that the impressions I had given were wrong took myself to therapy to understand my behaviour. Over the course of the last four months I have done a lot of work on myself and have spent time doing things I never would have before (such as travelling abroad alone etc) but knowing that I want to be with him.

   From day one of the breakup I decided not to reach out for him but we live nearby one another and ended up bumping into each other one week into the breakup and then week 3, and 5. During these times we had really short but nice conversations. A month and a half in we met properly to speak about everything. I explained everything I had learnt in therapy and the progress I had made and how we weren’t on different life paths and he did make me happy. He listened and said he could see I had changed and is still in love with me he just isn’t mentally ready to be back in a relationship with not just me but anyone. He said to be able to give our relationship another go for both our sakes he would need to be 100% sure it was the right thing for both of us because he wouldn’t want to ever break up again. We went back to no contact but we met up again several weeks later for a coffee to catchup and then again several weeks later we hung out for an afternoon and went to a museum together. Both of these meetings were initiated by him as wanting to catchup and in both we talked about what a future relationship for us would look like and I spoke about how different it could be. On both occasions he told me he is very much in love with me and finds himself missing me more and more as time goes by but that he doesn’t feel ready to get back together and therefore understands I need to move on. While I realise that this sounds as if he is trying to have his cake and eat it by seeing me, he is not like that at all and I have been able to see his pain very clearly and can see how conflicted he clearly feels. He says that he knew when breaking up with me he had to make peace with the idea I could meet someone else which is a thought he says he torments himself with on a daily basis but also knows it would be unfair to me for him to go back into this unless he is 100% sure he is ready. Right now he is focusing on getting used to this very intense job he is now in and gaining back his independence and after being together for so long.

   On that last meeting he said that we can’t meet without a purpose and that he thinks we should meet in January and have that as an ultimatum for whether we move forwards together or stop meeting up. He suggested that we have one last meeting before Christmas to do something nice together – we had the weekend just gone. He planned a really lovely Christmas activity for us (something he knew I Ioved) followed by a beautiful dinner at one our favourite haunts. He insisted on paying for everything and said it was his Christmas present to me. We had a very romantic night, we ended up kissing and holding hands for most of it. When this first happened he clearly freaked out and when we talked about it he said he hadn’t intended for that to happen and doesn’t want to be unfair to me because he knows he still wants to wait until January to make a decision. I reassured him that it was a two way thing and that if I didn’t want to kiss him I wouldn’t. We went on to have a lovely dinner and drinks, when we talked about our future he said again that he is still in love with me but that his life is very different now with his job (he has virtually no free time) and that he has enjoyed gaining back some independence but also knows how much he misses me and is conflicted. We ended the evening with the agreement to meet in January to decide what to do and loosely said that we would text to wish each other Happy Christmas and New Year over the holidays.

   What would you advice I do over the next few weeks, would you suggest not contacting him at all other than on Christmas Day? I know how conflicted he feels and how desperate he is not to hurt me and therefore he will take making a decision like this very seriously and will not give this another go unless he is 100% sure he is ready to. I worry that having an ultimatum in January makes things feel very pressured and that over the holidays this thought will scare him and convince him he isn’t 100% ready and therefore cannot try to give it another go. Please advise!

1. 

   EBR Team Member: Shaunna

   December 23, 2019 at 7:29 pm

   Hi Lucy, honestly I wouldnt reach out on Christmas Day either, I would let him take the wheel as it were in the situation. As much as you want him back you need to follow the process if you want to give yourself your best chance at getting him back. Showing how much you’ve worked on yourself and improving your communication skills in a relationship. Take your time in the process and don’t try to rush and expect things to go back to where you were when you were together. You are going to have to start as if it was a new person you met