How To Get Your Boyfriend Back If You Were Clingy

794 thoughts on “Stage 5 Clinger – Getting A Boyfriend Back If You Were Too Clingy”

Jen

February 21, 2015 at 4:36 pm

Hi Chris,

With my ex, he went silent and just completely stopped responding, so I kept trying day afar day because I was so confused. It took me–embarrassingly–a full week to go nc. Can I salvage this?? Am I even redeemable?? Thank you

admin

February 22, 2015 at 4:57 pm

Yes of course,

Its ok I have heard a lot worse than this.

Jessica

February 18, 2015 at 12:09 pm

Hi,
I’m in need of great help. Whilst we were going out my ex stopped talking to me randomly for a few days. So I asked him one day what the problem was and he told me that NOthjng was wrong. So I left it. Two days later still didn’t hear from him. I found this reallt WERID due to the fact that we spoke literally every day all day. We went out for 1 year and 8 months. So you could imagine. Anyways he started getting annoyed obviously now I realised how clingy I was being. After 6 weeks my friends and I met up with his mates and I. It wasn’t tbag awkward but stil I noticed myself after tbag night growing feelings again. And now our mates are all close again and it annoys me because I have to see him
Now. I don’t even know if he still likes me but he’s coming across r. He speaks TO my girlfriends reallt well but doesn’t even acknowledge me that much and it annoys me. And when we went out for dinner he sat next to me and faced his whole body towards mine and not the table which I foudn werid. Im
So confused.

admin

February 18, 2015 at 9:57 pm

He probably feels awkward about the breakup which is why hes acting so strange.

Emily

February 17, 2015 at 7:54 pm

Hi there, I actually read your website a few months back! And much to my surprise it worked. I feel like you really know what you’re talking about. I guess there’s a little background to my story…
I met my significant other a year ago, we were both in high school at the time but since then he has graduated and I am finishing up my senior year. He had asked for my number and I knew he liked me but we had talked about not wanting to be in a relationship because I didn’t want to be in a LDR (he was moving away for college). I think that sort of made him want me more because he kept saying he would wait and blah blah. At the time I was hurt because he would respect me and my feelings. Long story short he had gotten fed up eventually and then ended up not speaking to me. Sad and wanting him back after a few weeks I found your website and read and followed the steps to getting him back.
After a few months we had gotten back to the point that we were talking, over christmas break when he came back things got more serious and he wanted me to be his girlfriend. I told him I would speak with my parents and then in the mean time we could stay talking, but we still acted like we were dating (we just didn’t have a label for it… If that makes sense?).
He wasn’t thrilled with it but he eventually came to terms with it and everything was great! He would come home whenever possible and we had been doing fantastic. It wasn’t easy but it would make out time together really so much more special.
Long story short about a week ago he started being more distant. Im not going to lie im a very truthful person and I do think I was being a little bit too clingy, but he wasn’t here so it wasn’t physically clingy, just sending him multiple texts if he was asleep. I wasn’t questioning if he was cheating though. If I knew he was asleep I would just send him another text saying goodnight or I missed him or something. I was very cautious about being too clingy!
This weekend he had his birthday and only could come home for one day, that night we spent it together and he was great, but eventually towards the end he seemed more distant and I wasn’t sure why. At first I just rubbed it off but I did end up being a little clingy towards the end, but only because I won’t get to see him for another few weeks and I was upset he was just trying to sleep instead of spend time with me.
This morning I had just gotten tired of acting like things were fine when I was actually kind of hurt, he was really distant yesterday and I just simply asked if he was ok or if I had done something wrong. He began by telling me I didn’t do anything wrong and that he was just in a bad mood. Then after saying I felt like I was annoying and he didn’t want to talk to me he assured me he loved talking to me every day. I told him it was ok if he didn’t that I just wanted to be honest in our relationship, and that I was going to tell my parents this week that we were dating and I didn’t want to get into that if he was going to back out you know? That I would rather have his honest opinion if I’m annoying him.
Long story short he told me for about the past week he had been feeling weird. He still likes me and wants me so badly, but he doesn’t know if we should go into an official relationship yet. He said his birthday made him think of a whole bunch of different things and he was stressed out. He wanted to still talk to me everyday, and he wants to still come home to see me, but he suddenly doesn’t want a relationship.
I can understand commitment issues and I believe that’s what he is having (he did say that this morning) but I felt like it was sort of a bad time… He chased me for almost a year, would non stop want me I don’t want to sound conceded but it’s kind of true… People would tell me he wouldn’t shut up about me. Now all of a sudden in a week he’s done?
I just am sort of confused, one because he claims he still likes me, I asked if he was just wanting to talk to someone else and he said no, he says he still wants to talk everyday, he says he couldn’t ever look at me like just a friend, he wants to come home to see me, and he says that I have done nothing wrong. But two because I asked if we were just considering us “talking” still (basically acting like a couple but not having the title just yet) and he said no because that would lead us BOTH on? He said he wants to see me and will want to kiss me and do all of that stuff we usually do but also doesn’t want to actually go through with it because he isn’t ready for it.
I guess my question is if you think he is just saying things the way he is so he can break it off gradually without hurting my feelings, or if he is just having a freak out moment because it was his birthday (he usually gets weird around holidays because of strange reasons it’s hard to explain, but I’ve watched plenty of men in my life do the same so I understand it somewhat).
Im trying to be level headed and not bring in my feelings and desire to save what we have, but I’m just curious on your thoughts. If he really doesn’t want me anymore that’s fine I can accept that, I hate that and don’t want it, but I will be that if that’s what he wants. If he is just wanting to slow down that’s ok too. It will give me more time as well. I did ask if he would come around and eventually want to be in a relationship or even “talking” again, But he is wanting to take this “day by day” and I don’t want the day by day thing to end up with me waiting for him when he’s not going to come around you know?
Any thoughts on the matter? Sorry this was so long. Thank you for your time!

admin

February 18, 2015 at 9:28 pm

Haha you sound shocked it worked!

Would you be willing to ask your question on my new podcast?

Regina

February 16, 2015 at 11:17 pm

I have concerns my boyfriend says I’m too clingy. I love him more than anything, he might be right. I like being near him usually at night while watching TV; I never thought that was being clingy and he never complained when we were first dating so I guess I had no clue it was bothering him. Now I do tend to follow him when we are at a social gathering, I’ve been trying to work on that by staying in the room after he has left it, however every time I do. I find myself in that room for hours and no sign of him coming to check on me, is it just that I care more? One time I stayed in a room for the entire time we were there and everyone kind of ignored me; I tried to engage in conversation always got talked over. So do I just not go to social gatherings with him. I am going to work on not being so clingy, but my fear is he isn’t even going to notice that I’m trying .. My thing here is he says I’m clingy but I constantly do whatever he asks is that considered him taking advantage of me?

admin

February 17, 2015 at 12:40 pm

You know, in a perfect world he would be the clingy one.

I really feel you should work on this and you will notice a change in him.

T

February 15, 2015 at 12:44 am

Hello Chris,
I’m seeing a guy who has been withdrawing from me slowly over the past few months because I became extremely needy which he has clearly brought to my attention as we have argued about it quite a few times and he has threatened to break things off. We still see each other about once a week, and still text. However the texting has become exceedingly slow and vague. I have been actively trying to control my neediness and don’t text him as much, even gave him a week break. He will respond to me and things but a lot of the times will ignore my texts and he never wants to talk on the phone. I actually called him yesterday to talk with him and he hit the ignore button. How do I redeem myself after becoming extremely needy? I know I should back off, but will he ever want to get close with me again after I’ve disrespected his space so many times? Have I totally ruined things? He was so into me before I got this way, and we would text constantly and he would be so interested in everything I said and never left a text ignored. Now its like he’s a different person and like trying to talk to a rock. I don’t know how to turn this around or if it even can be? I feel like his withdrawal is fueling my neediness to the max and I just want him to be like he was. I wished him a happy valentines day and asked if he was going to come over today. All he said was “idk yet I just woke up a few minutes ago”. didn’t wish me one back or anything. I feel starved for attention :/

admin

February 16, 2015 at 11:32 pm

You are being too available for him.

Serina

February 12, 2015 at 10:54 pm

So my boyfriend broke up with me 2 weeks ago saying I was too clingy and 3 days ago, he posted a pic saying “she’s not the one if she’s not gonna want to talk to you or argue with you or not get on your last nerve”
It’s so contradictory.. I don’t get it
Anna

February 11, 2015 at 10:28 pm

Me and my ex boyfriend never broke up, but it feels like it. We were for 6 month together, never had a fight.
But after I complained to him about why he did not want to come to a dinner with my friends he just stopped calling me (this was my first complain in entire relationship, one simple hug could resolve everything). He said he didn’t wanna see me moody. It’s been a week since we haven’t talk
I never was clingy and this silence is killing me. At work I can not concentrate at all. I did a mistake today and liked one of youtube video that he posted on Facebook.
I’m thinking is it worth to wait till he calls me?(if he ever)
Is it worth to wait for someone like him, even if he did not wanted make me feel better after upsetting me?

Thank you

admin

February 16, 2015 at 9:56 pm

Ok, I know the silence is tough but just stay quiet you are having an impact on him I bet.

Aalex

February 10, 2015 at 6:27 pm

Hello!
At first thank you! very useful for me. I have been dating a guy for like around 7 months he seemed perfect. He used to do some very amazing things for me. he seems like he loved like no one ever could. until like 2 months ago he got a bit cold and 2 weeks ago he suddenly for no reason said he wanted to break up. I got very upset and angry and sad at the same time. we talked the next day and he said I was being “clingy”. I could not accept it( in my previous relationship I was needy and clingy and aware of it), I didnt believe because I thought I was acting so much better than how I did in my previous relationship. long story come short he asked for some space and I suggested for us to take a break. He accepted. We almost don’t text or email or anything now. Here’s the question how long should I wait? (I will be working on myself) or how I should react? should I wait for him to start communicating? Just what is going to happen?
Thank you very much.

admin

February 11, 2015 at 1:47 pm

Looking back do you think you were clingy in this new relationship or do you really believe you cleaned up your act?
Aalex

February 11, 2015 at 1:54 pm

Um… I was so much better but when we talked he mentioned me texting him too much or talking on the phone too long and asking him to go out too many times as me being needy. Look it was like a month that he didn’t seem to be willing to go out much and I thought seeing each other is good for the relationship so I kept on pushing him to go out with me. You see we used to talk and hang out a lot during summer then when it dropped I felt as I had to get back to how summer was and well apparently I had pushed him too hard to reach this point and that I should have left things the way they were.
Aalex

February 11, 2015 at 4:30 pm

I don’t really know what I should do now… He isn’t even OK with me sending him some 9gag links. I don’t know how much I should wait or I should be the one contacting him or he will do it after it gets better. I decided to start doing voluntary work and continue my “competitive programming challenges” (I had given up for two months) & try to spend some time alone and try to learn to enjoy myself being alone. I think it will help me not always wanting to go out with one person and pushing him away. But I don’t know how long I should wait or what I should do.

sabrina

February 10, 2015 at 10:56 am

i have a question…
i would call my boyfriend one every couple to few day, i would see him once week over the weemend with the aucational extra day during the week if it suited our scheduldes.
by one every couple of days i mean 1 phone call, no texts ir facebook, and that call was usually 5 min ute one. on aucation when we had news to share with each other yes iot would be 1 a day or 2.
as far as what i’m reading i’m not concidered clingy? am i? well he told me i was eventhough i thought i gave him plenty of freedom. never cared when he hung out with freind, even when they wanted to drag him to parties i told him to go (he wasn’t interested in parties)

so was he right? am i clingy? could it be a clingy VIBE i was giving off without realizing it.

admin

February 10, 2015 at 4:17 pm

It doesn’t seem you were clingy…
sabrina

February 11, 2015 at 8:39 am

so why would he tall me i wasn clingy? could it be a vibe i was giving off?

M

February 9, 2015 at 5:00 pm

He broke up with me by ignoring me.(Why do guys do that?) Because i was clingy i guess, but next day i agreed we need to break up because i realized that our relationship wasn’t healthy but he didn’t respond. It’s my fault i broke some rules in the book.But i read your guides and i’m willing to change.
I’m doing NC for a month now. Should I continue no contact until he reaches out or ? (He’s stubborn type.) What is my next move after NC? I had to make new facebook profile 2 days ago. When should i add him?

admin

February 10, 2015 at 3:24 pm

Were you a stage 5 clinger?

Continue NC and after 30 days YOU be the one to reach out first.
M

February 10, 2015 at 6:09 pm

I was text gnat, a got drunk and texted him to talk about us but i did in a desperate way. We were only 4 months together. Can I fix it with only 30 day of NC or more?
M

February 10, 2015 at 6:24 pm

When i reach out to him should i act like nothing happend and rebuild the attraction?
admin

February 11, 2015 at 1:38 pm

Just focus on rebuilding attraction.
M

February 17, 2015 at 2:41 pm

30 days are over, should i do more 15 days of NC?
I don’t know i’m afraid that he is still angry at me. I haven’t had any contact with him since the breakup. What do you think i should do?
admin

February 18, 2015 at 9:17 pm

You should contact him if you haven’t sent a first contact text already.
M

February 19, 2015 at 10:18 am

I added him on fb but he didn’t accepted. Is he done with me? What do you think?
M

March 12, 2015 at 6:43 pm

Well i saw my ex the other day, my friend told me that he looked at me few times, and when he passed right by me i didn’t expect ”heloo” he only turned his head and didn’t look at me . It was so obvious that he is ignoring me on purpose. Why do guys do that i mean its been 2 months since we broke up, and nothing so bad happened between us, i don’t understand why he is still ignoring me on purpuse.
1. Ashamed that he broke up with me on very cowardly way?
2.Doesn’t want anything to do with me?

KH

February 7, 2015 at 8:48 pm

Ive recently met a guy, and at first he seemed so nice and sweet , things were going really well and he’s been my boyfriend for 2 months, but last week he suddenly went weird, and randomly said that he needed me to “leave him be for a bit” he hasn’t spoken to me for 3 and a half days now and i don’t know what to do? he said that he wasn’t leaving and that he needed time to think about what he wanted but I’m worried he’s just going to disappear and fade away , should i just end things with him or send him a message i really don’t know what to do :/ any advice would be really appreciated!

admin

February 9, 2015 at 4:10 pm

I would reach out and ask whats going on with him… You are still dating so there is nothing wrong there.

Phyllis

February 7, 2015 at 11:26 am

All your advice is great. Thank you for being here.

admin

February 9, 2015 at 4:00 pm

You are welcome Phyllis!

Maritess

February 7, 2015 at 5:54 am

Hi, Chris. Maybe you can tell me if I’m even at the right site.

He’s not my boyfriend. He’s my friend. But there’s always been something there, and lately we have been getting to know each other more. We only make plans to hang out alone (hiking etc), and have even planned to vacation together. We’ve held hands, peck on the lips or cheek… pretty innocent stuff. I think we’re both interested, but cautious by nature… Which I kind of like! It’s sweet.

**Little caveat** >> We are both leaving in a month to go to different states for temporary work projects… I don’t care about the distance. We plan to visit and keep getting to know each other. Frankly, I’m just glad I know him.

Anyway, I messed up. We were flirting via text a couple weeks ago, and the conversation got a little too suggestive (I know, rookie mistake). He suggested it would be nice if we could be intimate. I didn’t know exactly what that entailed… ie, Were we suddenly under a timeline now? Did he like me too?… because he never explicitly said. I dunno, Chris! I could’ve just brushed it off with some coy remark, but I’m so lame with men!

It was 2AM. We were both tired and texting. It kinda went from playful, to a little serious, to awkward – in minutes. I didn’t know how to get out of this dreaded spiral I was in. Finally he said, “I’m sorry I brought it up. Now I feel weird. Goodnight.” Honestly, I didn’t think it was as embarrassing as he thought it was. I think he felt a little cornered and his pride was hurt. And I didn’t want to come off as easy!

I sent him a few texts the next day, and he was kind of guarded with his answers… pretended nothing was the matter. I could tell he was annoyed, but I hate it when things are weird between people.

So I gave him another few days, and texted again. And I could totally tell he still felt awkward. It went like this:

Me: “I just don’t want us to rush and feel pressured.”
Him: “What are you talking about?”
Me: “Sleeping together.”
Him: “M, drop it. Trust me, that’s the last thing on my mind right now.”

And I know I should’ve known better, and just stopped at that point! But I got frustrated and sent another three texts in a row. Something like:

“I’m sorry. I’m not trying to stir anything up.”
“I have a lot of stuff going on, too.”
“I just like hearing about your day. I miss you. I miss your presence; that’s all.”

To which he replied:
“I’m busy, please stop texting me.”

Wow – that hurt! That was the night of January 25th, 12 days ago. I’ve been doing NC since. I haven’t heard from him. Even though he would completely deny it, he’s super stubborn and prideful. When he doesn’t want to talk, he doesn’t want to talk. I’m smitten, but I also kind of want to kick him in the shins. LOL. How dare any man put me through this?!

Anyway, I felt really sad at first, but I’ve learned to not beat myself up about it. I’m not the first girl to dork out and not know what to say to a guy. And even though those few texts might’ve given off a different impression, I know I’m not desperate. I’m human.

So now it’s Day 12. If I do the full 30 days, it’ll be around the time he’s supposed to leave that I’ll attempt contact again. Should I do 21 days? What’s your rule on 21 vs 30? Honestly, it doesn’t matter a huge deal if he leaves before I contact him again… if it means that’s the best amount of time to give him. I don’t have expectations for us, just some small hopes I hold dear. I admit though, sometimes I get a little down and think, “Maybe he never liked me at all.”

So what do you make of this, Chris? If it matters, we are both 30. I’ve had a couple boyfriends before, but he’s the first guy I’ve ever bothered to ask out. Honestly, I think he kind of got a kick out of that when I admitted it to him.

-M

admin

February 9, 2015 at 3:59 pm

You should only do 21 days if you know for a fact he is going to go beserk with you doing NC.
Maritess

February 10, 2015 at 8:59 am

Mr. Cool as a Cucumber? Haha. 30 days it is.

Do you think I’m reading into this wrong? Maybe he really never wants to hear from me again.

The funny thing is, I’m always that ungettable girl. I could care less. Then the first guy I like in years comes along, and man… It’s suddenly hard to be cool. I’m like overweight and 14 years old again.
admin

February 10, 2015 at 4:16 pm

I like that name!

Mr. Cool As A Cucumber…

I am totally using that.

Get back to the basics of being ungettable. No more overweight 14 year old high school girl. Ok
Maritess

February 11, 2015 at 8:32 am

Okay! You know what’s so great about this site, Chris? You remind me that this guy is just a guy. He’s not a freakin’ enigma. I read through this site, and I’m like, “Oh my god, he’s already fallen for all these tricks at some point. I was just so nervous I didn’t notice.”

NC is kind of fun. I feel like myself. I feel like maybe it’s time to go back to being as gangster as people tell me I am. (And your whole “friend zone” tactic? Oh man, it’s kind of perfect in my case. I can’t wait to Jedi mind trick his butt with that one.)
admin

February 11, 2015 at 2:19 pm

Very few guys are actually enigmas…

I’m an engima but that’s just because I think far too highly of myself (no jk jk.)

Keep me updated on your situation. I like your attitude.
Maritess

February 19, 2015 at 10:04 pm

Chris! Guess who went on a date last night? Just saying. ¯_(ツ)_/¯

I only have a few days left of NC now, and I could really use your male perspective. He can’t really be that angry at me, can he? Because of that stupid conversation?? Everything was going great, and it just all imploded in minutes. He’s never been an open book, but I don’t think it was awkward enough to cut off ties with one other. If a guy had that happen to him, what would he feel and think?

I know my texting the few days after didn’t help. Hopefully he’s more mad about that… Because I can’t change any weirdness that happened in the past, but I can change how I communicate with him in the future.

I just hope he’s not thinking “I’m going to New York. I don’t need to deal with you anymore.” Men can be kind of harsh.
admin

February 20, 2015 at 11:34 pm

I am guessing YOU went on a date last night?

Would you be open to recording a message for the podcast?

I think I can help you more through that medium.
Maritess

February 21, 2015 at 12:11 am

Ding ding! AND I didn’t even get home until 1AM. Pretty sure that makes me a player now.

I’ll try sending you a message through Google+.
Maritess

February 26, 2015 at 9:57 pm

Der. I knew that.

Oh, I also want to give you an update. So on Sunday NC ended, and I texted him. Background: Once, he recommended a hiking trail to me that he had just gone on. Said it was easy peezy. So I decided to check it out on my day off… AND RAN INTO A BEAR! It became a gag with us.

First contact went like this…

Me: You won’t believe what I saw today
Him: ?
Me: A heart-shaped bear poop. It made me think of you.
Him: Of me?
Me: Yeah, while hiking.
Him: Why me though?
Me: I don’t know. I guess when I see bears now, they remind me of you.
Me: You made bear poop make me smile. Gross!
Him: I’m flattered. You gross.
Me: Oops. I’m teaching Lindsay how to make soup right now. Ttyl, bear.
Him: Bye. Tell her I said hi.
Maritess

February 24, 2015 at 4:12 am

I’m willing to take part in the podcast, but I’m not sure how to send you a message. Tried through google+… something called “hang outs”.
admin

February 24, 2015 at 9:34 pm

Haha just go to the contact page on the site!
admin

February 22, 2015 at 4:23 pm

Haha don’t hate the player hate the game.

Roro. M

February 6, 2015 at 2:22 am

I have met a great guy who was the very first guy who was serious about me, from the first few weeks he met me he was like tell your parents about me cause i am serious.. We were great for the first few months until the last month were he started always seeing his friends daily and not texting or calling only responding to my texts, i dealt with it in a small clingy way first but later on my emotions got ahead of me and i started being very clingy and get mad at him for taking a long time to reply or if he doesn’t call me back, eventually he started insulting me when ever i ask him why didnt u reply or where were u instead of answering in a nice way, and even when he does insult me i still say sorry and beg for forgiveness.. The last thing that happened is that he apologised and i told him this is ur last chance i need to see that you became a nice guy he was like yes ok ill prove it.. Then next day he asks for a break and i tild him how come we just made up yesterday he was like i just want one then h dissapeared without giving further explanation so i waited for a few hrs and texted if i can call him to tell him about the new job i got and he didnt reply( i was already very pissed from his bad treatment this whole month and not putting any effort to see me) so i texted him ( as usual you are never there for me when i need to talk) so he went crazy and ended it and called me sick and that ill never change, i texted and called alot to know if its over and he never replied.. I waited for a frw days until i saw a picture of him hugging 2 girls at a club, thats where i was like screw this and told him its over.

I texted him a week later asking if we can sit down and talk like 2 mature people to end it in a good way and got no reply.

Now i feel very bad cuz this is the 2nd time it happens to me, i always lose my bf because of my insecurity and clingyness,, but i cant help it.. ESpecially if get used to a certain treatment i cant just accept a sudden change.. Ive been depressed for 2 weeks now.. He could have atleast replied if this meant anything to him. Im so sad 🙁 i feel like ill never change and i also feel like its not all my fault. But my parents say it is.. My friends say its both.. Im just so depressed. I know now that he will never get back to me.. But how can i stop blaming myself

admin

February 6, 2015 at 2:23 pm

Wait, he just up and left without any reply or breakup?
Roro. M

February 12, 2015 at 5:50 am

Yes that what happened not a single reply for 2 weeks which made me loose hope eventually, but few days ago he talked to me and hinted he wants to fix things but at the same time while he is trying to fix it he still plays the blaming game and constantly blames mr for everything, i told hi exactly what bothers me what i hate about him he said lets sit and talk.. the thing is i travelled when all this happend , my mom is a doctor and said its good to change ur atmoshpere when you’re on a breakup.. And thr reason i travelled isnt merely for travelling i might continue my studying here since its better for my future.. I still havnt told him i might stay here for years.. Cuz i still havent got the college acceptance letter but msure if i come back to him the same things will happen again.. Idk what to do

C.

February 4, 2015 at 1:32 pm

My ex-boyfriend has been persuing me for a Year before we started dating.Meet once a year before but i wasn’t really interested in him at that time.I told him i can’t see him as anything more than a friend.He started a Drama,I stopped replying.One Year later,he says he writes me a message saying he can’t forget me.We meet,I start to fall in love with him,we have great dates ,he says he loves me and wants me to be his girlfriend,he starts planning trips together and introducibg me to his friends.He offers me his help many times(I was in the modle of moving) ,his mobilephone, etc I always decline because i was thinking it wouldn’t be a good idea to accept,was too insecure.Boyfriend pulls back because he was in the process of finding a new job.When we meet he’s more quiet and absent in his mind,still tries to make time for me.Last date I was very insecure and clingy,he Stops writing for days,then messages me that he got the job and i’m the reason why he got it.I reply immediately,saying that was sweet of him to say.No Mail for days.five days passed and I sent him a message.nothing.i Start to panic and ask him if i did. something wrong.no message.A week later i Write him again asking him if he’s breaking up with me by ignoring me.I Tell him its ok for me if he’s busy but i just want know.He reads it but doesnt reply.12 days later I apologize for putting pressure on him and tell him he should focus on his job and I will focus on myself and should go for s coffee when things have calmed down.He reads it but doesn’t reply.Havent messages him for 45 days already.,don’t intend contact him. It has been a little over 2 months since I have heard from him.Fb still says he is in a relationship.Is there still a chance he’s coming back?Why is his status unchanged?We have only been dating for a month and a half,so he might just got out of the relationship by ignoring me.I can’t forget him ,is there anything i can do?

admin

February 4, 2015 at 2:34 pm

Well, you have done enough NC.

You can message him but make sure you message him in the right way.

Anne

February 3, 2015 at 2:18 pm

Hi. I’ve read most of your post and still digesting the information in it, thank you for sharing. However, i have this situation here which i find myself very hopeless. We are engaged for 2 yrs now and recently he asked to call of the engagement after many fights before this. I contributed to this decision and now i regret it. I was very insecure and clingy and i know my mistakes. I still love him dearly. However, after the incident i was blasting him with text and begging him to come back only for a day after the initial breakup. But after that i went for NC for 3 days and he showed up around my area and said that he happened to be around there. We talked for less than 2 minutes and he showed concern that i was home late from work after that i went to NC for 4 days before sending him a picture of us together but he didn’t respond and i went for NC now going strong at 12 days. On the 11 day, he emailed me apologizing for giving up on us and his feeling has faded slowly. He is angry that his mom ain’t supporting his decision of letting me go and want him to figure things out with me. My question is, have i really lose him for good? Does he really mean it when he said his feeling is fading? Because he has been telling his friends that he is now single. Your help is greatly appreciated. Thank you.

admin

February 4, 2015 at 1:52 pm

It seems to me that you still are very early in NC… Not even halfway.

I hesitate to say if you have lost him for good but you will have to do a good job with the reattraction part of getting him back.
anne

February 4, 2015 at 6:29 pm

hi. Thank you for the prompt reply and advice. Will continue doing the NC for a good 30 days i hope.

Cassie

February 1, 2015 at 9:05 pm

I am currently separated from my husband of 4 years. No kids together. I became needy and insecure in the marriage which pushed him away and he asked for a separation. I also had anger issues (mainly yelling and cursing at him for not doing something) that he said he was afraid to be around someone who could not control their anger.
Afterward the separation, I became even more needy and bugged him for an entire month after we separated. I was getting very hostile response from him so I decided to go no contact. I remained in no contact for 2 months (he did not call me during no contact). I text him after the 2 months and it took him a week to respond.
We have been back in contact for 3 weeks. The first short text conversation was casual but I got positive responses from him. He does not initiate contact often (he initiated 2 times in 3 weeks) but always responds when i text him (sometimes immediately and other times after hours). If he ignored a text or gives an really neutral one word response, I waited a few days before trying again then he would always respond after the waiting period.
I have reasons to think he is somewhat angry/resentful and showing resistance because of my neediness and anger but I know he still loves me (he has said it recently).
The last contact was yesterday through text and it took him a few hours to respond but it was positive. I will wait until a few days and text him again.
No divorce has been filed which gives me hope that he is not completely finished with the marriage.
I am not sure if I should go back to a period of no contact of 30 days or continue limited contact only initiated by me.
Should I be concerned that he is not contacting me first often? Do I continue this method of text contact and try to progress off of it or do I need to switch my approach and try something different?

admin

February 2, 2015 at 2:30 pm

Sorry about the seperation…

I know this time is very tough.

I do think the NC is ideal here..

Kaesha

February 1, 2015 at 9:02 pm

Me and my boyfriend Steve broke up a few weeks ago because I was being super insecure and always nagging him because of his job he can be distant at times and it drives me crazy.. I did the usual thing after a breakup called him non stop of course he didnt respond to me. So i decided not to contact him for a couple of weeks and i messaged him after thatim sorry and he he forgave me. We caught up on whats new in our lives and he started back communicating with me on a daily basis and being very sweet and romantic but i made the mistake of always calling him and i think it made him become distant i guess it was because my feelings got the best of me. what should i do now? I was thinking about giving him some space for while

admin

February 2, 2015 at 2:29 pm

How distant would he be..

Was it a normal amount or were you at fault with the clingyness here?
Kaesha

February 4, 2015 at 12:55 am

Well When He Started A New Welding Job He Was More Busy So We Talked Alot Less. But He Is A Distant Person Sometimes.I Do Think The Clingyness Made It Worse Tho. And He Would Say Im Pushing Him Away Hes A Cancer So I Know They Go Into A Shell Sometimes But It Eats Me Up Inside
admin

February 4, 2015 at 2:18 pm

Why Are You Writing With Every Single First Letter Capitalized?

No jk jk..
The clinglyness didn’t help but it probably didn’t do as much damage as you thought.

What can I help you with exactly?
Kaesha

February 5, 2015 at 11:16 am

Well i jus found out yesterday that he talking to a new girl a couple of days ago and im extremely heartbroken about it I pray that shes a rebound but i honestly dont know if i should just give up on him completely or not

H

January 29, 2015 at 7:01 pm

I have met an absolutely amazing guy and I’m afraid I’ve messed it up before it even got the chance to take off. We are currently “exclusive” but not yet calling ourselves boyfriend and girlfriend. His reasoning is that he just needs time for things to develop naturally; he wants to do it on his own without me twisting his arm or pressuring him so much that I take the joy out of it. I agree with this, but it has also been hard on me. Why, I’m not sure. Perhaps from being hurt so badly in the past. He treats me like a princess and spoils me to death so I feel silly getting caught up over what title we have, especially at 27 years old. I feel like I’ve made him feel unappreciated and like he can’t make me happy after all the wonderful things he’s done for me. Another big factor is that he is moving across the country in 8 months, and while that does not deter me from wanting to pursue a future, I’m afraid my actions have ruined those chances. He says he needs time, and that he wants this (us) to go somewhere, but he doesn’t know if it will. Have I messed things up too much or is there still a chance for me with this amazing man?

admin

January 30, 2015 at 3:56 pm

I can understand getting caught up in the title.

Let me say this one thing. I don’t think you should feel bad about wanting a title at all.
H

February 6, 2015 at 12:34 am

Hey Chris,
Needless to say shortly after writing this I lost my cool and ended up calling him late at night just acting the epitome of needy and crying about where this was all going. So he ended up calling it off, saying he was stressed out and this wasn’t feeling good for him. He said to call him in a month and see how he feels, that maybe I would feel differently. I’m pretty certain I want this to work out though, I just needed to get a grip on my own insecurities and emotions. I haven’t spoken to him since then, making this day 5 of NC. Do you think there is hope for him and I or was e just saying call him in a month to get me off of his back and ease the blow?
admin

February 6, 2015 at 2:20 pm

What exactly did you say to him?
H

February 6, 2015 at 8:09 pm

I could just feel him slipping away from me and I told him that I felt like something was off and he wasn’t telling me about it. Looking back now, I know he was feeling pushed away because I was acting like a clingy, needy girl. He explained to me during our “break up” that while we have a lot of fun together, he still feels a weird feeling in his gut because he never knows what I am going to bring up while we are hanging out and that it would end in some emotional conversation with him having to walk on eggshells to avoid me getting upset. After a few days of not talking to him I have been able to see exactly where he was coming from, and I feel like I did a pretty good job of conveying that to him when we split – I’m sorry for being needy, pressuring you, not just letting things evolve naturally, etc. – Why would he WANT to reward me with the title of his girlfriend when I’m acting like a spoiled brat? I feel terrible and I’m worried that it’s just too late for us.

Maria Michella

January 28, 2015 at 10:42 pm

Hi!

I really need some help. I’ve been an abusive, controlling, needy girlfriend with a depression on top of that. My boyfriend is now the one with the depression. He hasn’t seen his friends for most of our relationship (three years) because of me and my jealousy. We’re both 30 years old. I know now how bad my behavior was and I’ve changed but he thinks it’s too late. We’re on a break for two weeks but he asked for an extension of one extra week (maybe more). We live together but we take turns staying in the apartment. I’m doing as much NC as I can while sharing the apartment. Well, today I saw him for the first time in two weeks. He didn’t break up with me (yet) which is good, but there was no love from him. We didn’t talk about “us” at all. He’s in a bad place and trying to find himself and really needs space, so I’m pushing my needs aside as I don’t want to be clingy and needy anymore. The “date” lasted for 1½ hour. He hugged me like you would an acquaintance and no other contact than that. I’d ready your guides so I made sure to smile and seem happy and confident. Tried the pull/push thing but even though I was zen, it didn’t really work out so well. I tried asking him out to procure a second date but he didn’t feel like it and wanted more alone time. He looked tired and could barely keep my gaze. I tried looking him in the eyes but I just saw pain. He’s really scared of me, of my reactions. I’m doing NC for the next week as well. I texted him to let him know that he could have the apartment after the coming week, and he texted a well mannered but emotionless reply back. So, I have no idea where I stand or if it’s too late and I should just give up. No idea when I’ll see him again, and how the heck I can charm him. Please, I need help. My heart is in pieces. What are my chances and what is my next move?

admin

January 29, 2015 at 2:53 pm

Can I ask why you prevented him from seeing his friends?

Were they male or female friends?
Maria Michella

January 29, 2015 at 4:35 pm

Both. In the beginning of our relationship he asked me to be exclusive but at the same time refused to admit he had feelings for me and was very flirty with other girls. When he finally admitted to loving me we got better but I found a note on his phone about another girl he had flirted with half a year earlier. I became jealous and stopped trusting him as I felt he should have told me now that we were so close. Girls always wanted to flirt with him so I asked him to delete girls from his past, which he did after arguing about it. But it was his reckless flirty behavior at parties that was the big issue. So I started controlling him because I was scared of losing him. Big mistake, I know. I feel so bad now. I wouldn’t let him see the friends he were with when he used to meet girls. I always found an excuse to keep him away from them. I did it eventually with every single person in his life. Locked him up just alone with me. And I emotionally abused him and called him things and even was physically violent at some point. I went to a shrink and was diagnosed with severe depression. I’m finally out of it and I’m disgusted at my own behavior. He tried to stand up for himself but failed as my manipulation was too strong. So he ONLY has bad memories with me. Underneath each good memory is a bad feeling of control and him being afraid of my crazy reactions. I’ve been very scary. So now he wants to be on his own. He’s definitely suffering from depression and seeing me is not good for him. I don’t think your usual methods will work here as he’s REALLY broken. There’s no texting him sweet memories or being the UG for the instinct that I’m a bad person is deeply seeded in him. Now I’m as mild as a lamb, depression is gone and I’m trying to rebuild my life. I was in a very dark place. Wanted to die. He wanted to leave me, but was afraid to. Now I want to be the girl of his dreams, start over, help him through the depression. I’m giving him as much space as I can, not texting unless he does first. Ignoring him will only make him scared that I’m angry so complete NC is impossible. I have to write him nice friendly replies. But I never initiate contact and he rarely contacts me. I really hope you can give me some serious advice on this. I’ve read everything of yours but I don’t see the usual guide as an option when I’ve done so much damage and he’s in such a bad dark place. I only remind him of pain. Nothing good at all. Please help me!
Maria Michella

January 30, 2015 at 9:50 pm

Please please help me!

« Previous 1 … 9 10 11 12 13 14 Next »

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

794 thoughts on “Stage 5 Clinger – Getting A Boyfriend Back If You Were Too Clingy”