How To Get Your Boyfriend Back If You Were Clingy

794 thoughts on “Stage 5 Clinger – Getting A Boyfriend Back If You Were Too Clingy”

Ria

August 30, 2014 at 12:22 pm

Hi Chris!I’m so confused and I’d really love your advise!
I met my ex on fb Last june.We used to go in the same school(he’s 2 years older) but didn’t know each other in person,though I always had a crush on him.My last year at school I added him on fb,he accepted me and showed interest but I was too coward to meet him when I had the chance,then he closed his fb and I had forgotten him till last year when I found his new profile and decided to add him again.Once again,he accepted, he talked first, showed interest again,we exchanged phone numbers soon and ever since we talked and texted every day for 3 months. I never told him that we kind of knew each other in the past.He was working in another city so we only met last september when he came here for his sister’s wedding. Before that, at the beggining of our ‘relationship’ I tried to break up with him because he would press like in many girls’s photos and that annoyed me.He was really upset and said he wouldn’t do it if it bothered me, that he really wanted me and so he did and that was something that convinced me about his sincerity.Since then we opened to each other more and he has showed intention of marrying me someday.We even have arranged to go to Rome together during winter!I saw him about 5 times but after 2 weeks or so he started being strange,probably because he has family issues, and I admit I was so terrified I put him a lot of pressure and became clingy.He left again after the wedding of his sis,we didn’t talk then,but after a while we started talking again.He returned here to stay,but didn’t say anything about us.I tried to say how much i miss him,but nothing. I had lost every hope!Then he suddenly texts me to see a movie I had suggested him in the past, and after a few days he texts me again to say he found a job,i was cold at him.After that I found your site, did NC,it worked,he messaged me once, I didn’t answer, then after 30 days I tried my First text,it went very good!after 3 days he texted me First and so I followed the plan.At some point he kind of did a jealousy scene cause he saw me with my cousin,though he got a bit mad and denied it when I said he cared about me.2 weeks later about xmas,he implied he wanted to see me,and during new year’s eve we were texting each other all the time. He even said he was looking forward to our trip,that he liked me etc..After that at some times he was cold and hot at times,we met once at end of january, at his house where he introduced to his family as his girlfriend.I tried to talk to him about what is going to happen between us and he kind of didn’t answer. Ever since he was kind neutral and when the time of the trip came, we didn’t go cause he couldn’t leave his job while he said that we can’t be together and we wont be! I didn’t talk to him about 40 days after that.Meanwhile he had closed his FB.I tried text him he didn’t reply 2 times.In the third text he started asking me things on his own.For a while we talked,he was friendly,he was teasing me, we even talked on the phone after a long time! then he never wished me on my birthday,he didn’t reply when I wished him on his. I tried after a while talk to him,he was possitive,then he wouldn’t answer again! Meanwhile he owes me the money for the trip which I asked and he said he has some difficulties and a girlfriend!I asked him for how long and he said 2 months. I told him I also have a bf and that I’d like to remain friends. At some point it happened and i saw him on his bike and he has gained a lot of weight, my friend beleives he’s lying about the gf,but one day I tried to text him ‘May I ask you sth?’,he replied in less than 5 min. and after another 5 again saying ‘tell me now cause I’m with my gf and I don’t want any misunderstandings!’. I was shocked,didn’t reply anything, yet about 35min later I checked on fb and saw him on Chat from cell. I waited and at night I send him a text saying I didn’t want to disturb earlier and that sth happened that scared me, so I wanted to say some things. I thanked him for the support he gave me last summer, I apologized if I crossed the line some times and said I’m glad we know each other. He didn’t reply.. Now about 2 months have passed since then and no sign of him.I saw he had change his profile pic on fb and seems like he’s on vacations with someone(girlfriend my guess). To make matters worse i saw a comment on his mother’s photo and he was saying ”Girl’s name says summer suit you! :)”…and it was late at night! i’m so afraid they’re having vacations together or sth which he was saying we would do together but never did!And seems his mother knows her too! Isn’t all that too soon for a 3 months relantionship?? Also something strange happened. I had changed my fb profile pic and after 10 days he changes his,but when i look at it i notice it’s almost the same as mine.I thought it was my mind stuck but I asked some friends and agreed they looked alike.But some days after that he adds a girl who i beleive it’s his gf cause her name matches and also he likes her photos and posts only..I don’t understand what’s going on! I wanted to ask can it just be a coinsidence? he seems really in love with this gf but then I don’t understand the photo thing.Have you any idea what that means? and what could i possibly do?continue ignoring him? please…I need help!

Ria

September 2, 2014 at 2:06 pm

Can you answer please?
admin

September 3, 2014 at 2:25 pm

Sure!

How can I help?
Ria

September 5, 2014 at 11:06 am

based on what I wrote have you any idea what all these mean? and what could i possibly do?he seems really in love with this gf but then I don’t understand the photo thing. continue ignoring him?

Cam

August 28, 2014 at 3:15 pm

Please help. So my ex broke up with me like 5 months ago and it ended on a bad note. I was heartbroken and the only way for him to talk to me was by me threatening him and lying to him. I did it out of desperation for him back. Long story short, this went on, he got sick of it and blocked me from every source.
My friend has been texting him convincing him to talk to me again, that it would benefit him. He won’t budge. He said he probably won’t ever talk to me again. And thinks there’s no benefit. & that he dislikes me, dosent care anymore at all, dosent trust me. Someone PLEASE help me, what else can my friend say? I’m so heartbroken without him…

admin

August 29, 2014 at 11:54 am

First off, you probably shouldn’t be going through a friend. It screams desperation and unattractiveness (no offense.)

Lauren

August 20, 2014 at 6:11 pm

Hi Chris,

My boyfriend an I have been on a break for about a month.. but for the first 3 weeks we were seeing each other and talking anyway, like we were still together. We were getting along really well and never argued. However, I was the clingy gf when we were together and I think it got worse during the break because I was so worried and insecure in our relationship since we were on a break. He got pretty fed up with it and got very distant so I figured he needed real space, which he came outright and said, he couldn’t talk, he needed space.

So anyway, It’s been almost 6 full days since we have spoken. I know he has been expecting me to crack and text him or call him or something, and I haven’t. I have no idea what he’s thinking, but I do know that he’s very very stubborn and tries to keep the power in the relationship. So, I’m not sure if he misses me and wants to talk but won’t make the first move, or if he really doesn’t care. Last time we talked he said we’d see each other/talk soon.

I left him alone now since Thursday evening, now it’s Wednesday evening. I’ve been talking to a very good guy friend of my mine who said I deserve better than the way he’s been acting and he needs to grow up, because he goes from wanting to be serious and settle down with me to wanting to party, etc. and has been leaving me hanging during this whole break. We never talked about the rules of the break at all or how long it would be. My guy friend and my sister in law both think that i’ve been way too available to him and shown him that I would be there no matter what or no matter how he treated me. So it’s time to stop putting up with his BS.

Anyway, my friend thinks that if he doesn’t contact me by tomorrow night (then it will be one week) that I should go to his house when he’s not home and take my stuff. (My iPad that I lent to him that he’s had for months, my clothes, and my dvds) He thinks that if he comes home and finds out from his family or just notices that my shit is gone, if he cares about me at all, he will wake up. My friend says this is a “power play” because I need to take back the power. He said it’s better if my “bf” isn’t there because it strips him of the power to stop it.

What do you think? My sister in law told me to make sure he’s home when I do it and not say much just i’m here to get my stuff, you have my number. But my guy friend and my best friend think it’s better if he’s not there. HELP!!

admin

August 25, 2014 at 11:55 am

I wouldve been insecure and scared too if someone I was dating had said we should go on a break.

I mean, the concept of a “break” is essentially a free pass to see other people which to me seems unacceptable…
Lauren

August 20, 2014 at 6:26 pm

I should also add that he has made it known to be many times in the past that he’s never been broken up with. He broke up with every girlfriend he has had… I feel like that has inflated his ego and he thinks no girl, especially me would break up with him. I think that taking my stuff back would scare him if he cared at all.
Lauren

August 21, 2014 at 1:50 pm

Hi Chris, me again…

so last night after 6 days without talking my ex called me at 1 am and asked how I was and stuff and asked if I wanted to get my stuff soon..

he basically broke up with my over the phone, without actually saying it.. then proceeds to tell me he met someone while we were on a “break”

he went on some dates with this girl and slept with her twice.. shes 21 and my ex is 26.. i feel like he didnt want to grow up and we were getting really serious and he did this partly as a way to escape and look for someone he has no future with.. i got really mad and called him names but didn’t cry and then then because of that, he started saying stuff like he doesn’t have a future with her and he loves me and im better than her and stuff..

i’m not really sure what he is thinking with all of this, like he was mad that i finally tried to take control back by not calling or texting him and then instead of getting upset and begging him to take me back i got mad and told him how it is..

what does he want from me? where should i go from here? i know the thing with this girl isn’t going to last.. and i want to be with him, but I am really hurt. He said “do you think this is the end for us?” no and he said “i don’t either” so wtf does he want? he said he wanted to go out and have fun and see what else was out there but then he kept saying im better than her and all this stuff, do you think he has G.I.G.S?
admin

August 25, 2014 at 12:00 pm

He may be starting to get it 🙂

Abi

August 19, 2014 at 7:41 pm

I’ve read a lot of your articles on here and wish I would have done so two weeks ago when my break up first happened.
My boyfriend and I were together for 8 months. Between 6 months and 8 months we have broken up 3 times, including this one, but I really don’t think it’s that big of a component (it seems to be how he handles his emotions. his last 4-year relationship involved many break ups too.) The other two times we were back together in less than a week. It’s been 2 weeks today this time.
I am a seriously clingy girlfriend and I know that. I want to spend all my free time with whoever I’m with. That was basically what caused this break up…we had plans to hang out and he never actually told me he canceled them, he just hung out with his friends all day without telling me we weren’t hanging out anymore. I told him I wanted to spend time apart and he never texted me back…so I called him many many times and he wouldn’t pick up. Like the crazy psycho I am, I went to his house to force him to talk to me. I calmly told him I just wanted him to tell me next time he wants to cancel our plans instead of just leaving me in the dark.
We were going to be fine, albeit he was pissed, until my now ex-best friend messaged him all this nasty stuff about how he needs to up his med dosage (he takes prozac for depression) and that she hopes he rots for disrespecting me all of the time. That’s when he broke up with me. His words were “I don’t want to be with you right now. Maybe we can get back together when we’re happy again but not now.”
So for two days after the break up I left him alone because I thought it would be like the other times and we’d get back together quickly…but I messed up. I started texting him multiple times a day saying I love him and miss him and all that. He ignored me for like 5 days but eventually told he he’s too depressed to be with anyone right now.
Well I then saw that he’s been snapchatting his ex girlfriend. He’s always gone to her to talk to when we break up but this is the first time she’s been single. That worries me a lot.
I asked him if he still loves me and he said yes. I asked him if he thought he’d ever want to be with me again and he said “idk.”
I ended up texting him all this stuff about how I want to die without him etc. etc. probably the worst things I could have possibly said…
I’m on day 5 of no contact. He seems 100% happy…he’s been partying a lot. He’s been posting a lot of snapchats and FB statuses which he ONLY does when we break up. Am I crazy for thinking he does that on purpose because he knows I’ll see it?
I just feel like I went too crazy and ruined any chance of him and I getting back together…plus his ex being in the mix makes it even worse. Thoughts…?

admin

August 25, 2014 at 11:25 am

Stay in NC! Be the opposite of the clingy girl you used to be. He’ll come crawling back.

Fiona

August 18, 2014 at 12:48 pm

Hey Chris

Please help,,,I finished my 30days NC yesterday and in 5 days it’s his birthday so do I get to send him a bday msg or not? what do I do from here?

admin

August 19, 2014 at 1:54 pm

I would send a message before his birthday.

Naina

August 15, 2014 at 1:07 am

I liked the bit about how you got over your insecurity. I had the same one since I was cheated on a lot/deceived a lot and now I am going to try and put that mentality into use. The only counter-argument I have to that though is that even though you are the best guy possible, sometimes the girl doesn’t want the best guy, they want the person that they are attached to the most.

Although I decided to not pursue my ex awhile back, I like to come back every now and then and read what you have to say just in case I can get other forms of advice. I know you mainly focus on getting an ex back, but maybe doing a couple of posts about how to focus on self growth (aside from being the ungettable girl) would be really helpful. A lot of girls here understand what they have to do, but getting into that mentality is harder.

Also another thing, when I started the whole process (I was figuring out whether I should pursue him or not), I just have to say- a month of no contact is not nearly enough time to get your stuff together lol. I remembered how I felt after a month-very unresolved and also creeping into the anger stages of a breakup- so I did the wise thing and didn’t contact my ex until 3 months later. I know you do a month because a lot of girls cannot wait that long, but for the girls who want to take this process a bit more seriously, I think maybe aiming for a longer no contact period is better for the self improvement part of the equation and will help a lot of girls get their exes back in a much more efficient way.

I am no expert, just speaking from personal experience 🙂

Hope you’re doing well, Chris! Any girl would be lucky to have you.

admin

August 15, 2014 at 2:50 pm

Thanks for sharing!

You are probably right about the “attached” comment but you know what, in my mind if you are the best you can be how can someone not appreciate that and get attached to it?

I am working on something thats more general right now actually 🙂

Ria

August 14, 2014 at 1:57 pm

Hi Chris!
I’d really love your advise!
I met my ex on fb Last june.We used to go in the same school(he’s 2 years older) but didn’t know each other in person,though I always had a crush on him since the first time I saw him.My last year at school I added him on fb,he accepted me and showed interest but I was too coward to meet him when I had the chance,then he closed his fb and I had forgotten him till last year when I found his new profile and decided to add him again.Once again,he accepted, he showed interest again,we exchanged phone numbers soon and ever since we talked and texted every day for 3 months. I never told him that we kind of knew each other in the past.He was working in another city so we only met last september when he came here for his sister’s wedding. Before that, at the beggining of our ‘relationship’ I tried to break up with him because he would press like in many girls’s photos and that annoyed me.He was really upset and said he wouldn’t do it if it bothered me, that he really wanted me and so he did and that was something that convinced me about his sincerity.Since then we opened to each other more and he has showed intention of marrying me someday.We even have arranged to go to Rome together during winter!I saw him about 5 times but after 2 weeks or so he started being strange,probably because he has family issues, and I admit I was so terrified I put him a lot of pressure and became clingy.He left again after the wedding of his sis,we didn’t talk then,but after a while we started talking again.He returned here to stay,but didn’t say anything about us.I tried to say how much i miss him,but nothing. I had lost every hope!Then he suddenly texts me to see a movie I had suggested him in the past, and after a few days he texts me again to say he found a job,i was cold at him.After that I found your site, did NC,it worked,he messaged me once, I didn’t answer, then after 30 days I tried my First text,it went very good!after 3 days he texted me First and so I followed the plan.At some point he kind of did a jealousy scene cause he saw me with my cousin,though he got a bit mad and denied it when I said he cared about me.2 weeks later about xmas,he implied he wanted to see me,and during new year’s eve we were texting each other all the time. He even said he was looking forward to our trip,that he liked me etc..After that at some times he was cold and hot at times,we met once at end of january, at his house where he introduced to his family as his girlfriend.I tried to talk to him about what is going to happen between us and he kind of didn’t answer. Ever since he was kind neutral and when the time of the trip came, we didn’t go cause he couldn’t leave his job while he said that we can’t be together and we wont be! I didn’t talk to him about 40 days after that.Meanwhile he had closed his FB.I tried text him he didn’t reply 2 times.In the third text he started asking me things on his own.For a while we talked,he was friendly,he was teasing me, we even talked on the phone after a long time! then he never wished me on my birthday,he didn’t reply when I wished him on his. Again I tried after a while talk to him,he was possitive,then he wouldn’t answer again! Meanwhile he owes me the money for the trip which I asked and he said he has some difficulties and a girlfriend!I asked him for how long and he said 2 months. I told him I also have a bf and that I’d like to remain friends. At some point it happened and i saw him on his bike and he has gained a lot of weight.Now my friend beleives he’s lying about the gf,But one day I tried to text him ‘May I ask you sth?’,he replied in less than 5 min. and after another 5 again saying ‘tell me now cause I’m with my gf and I don’t want any misunderstandings!’. I was shocked,didn’t reply anything, yet about 35min later I checked on fb and saw him on Chat from cell. I waited and at night I send him a text saying I didn’t want to disturb earlier and that sth happened that scared me, so I wanted to say some things. I thanked him for the support he gave me last summer, I apologized if I crossed the line some times and said I’m glad we know each other. He didn’t reply.. Now about 1 month has passed since then and no sign of him.yesterday I saw he had change his profile pic on fb(twice) and seems like he’s on vacations or anyway at a swimming pool with someone(girlfriend my guess),while I saw that his photo number increased from 142 to 146 though i can’t see other photo than those two. To make matters worse i saw a comment on his mother’s photo and he was saying ”Girl’s name says summer suit you! :)”…and it was late at night! i’m so afraid they’re having vacations together or sth which he was saying we would do together but never did!And seems his mother knows her too! Isn’t all that too soon for a 3 months relantionship??
And what can i possibly do?Talking isn’t working! Seems like i don’t have any chance at all! please help.

admin

August 15, 2014 at 2:33 pm

Let me ask you a question.

From his perspective what do you think he thinks of you?
Ria

August 16, 2014 at 12:50 pm

I can’t understand! I only know he reacted when I told him to meet or go out.At the beggining he kind of told me that I want to spend all the time with him and he didn’t want that.I explained that this wasn’t my intention.Then during my plan we had arranged to meet,then sth came up and he couldn’t make it so when i told him why he didn’t notice me he got angry saying that i take everything for granted.Again i explained I just wanted him to inform me and nothing else.After that we met and he was introducing me as his gf,then suddenly he went back to ‘we can’t be together’ with no reason at all! I can’t tell you anything else, i hoped you can make more sense than me!
May I ask you one more thing?
admin

August 18, 2014 at 12:53 pm

Sure!
Ria

August 18, 2014 at 1:59 pm

ok first of all if you can understand if he has misunderstood me indeed and what can i do..Now, a week ago something strange happened. I had changed my fb profile pic and after 10 days he changes his,but when i look at it i notice it’s almost the same as mine.I thought it was my mind stuck but I asked some friends and agreed they looked alike. I wanted to ask can it just be a coinsidence? he seems really in love with this gf but then I don’t understand the photo thing.What do you think?
Ria

August 20, 2014 at 11:58 am

so..??

Me

August 14, 2014 at 11:16 am

Hey Chris, I don’t know if my comment was deleted sorry for posting again.
So recently I was just checking in on my ex and he retweeted a country quote ” he didn’t know what he had. Well it’s too late , and that’s too bad” is this bad ? Or good? Or ugh I don’t and recently also I put a picture of my self on snapchat I guess you could say it was a good looking picture and I go back on it later and he unfriended me on snapchat. Why? I didn’t do anything wrong did I? And he is always favoriting this girls stuff liking all of her statuses, pictures everything. So an other thing he favorited was this> ” un kiss ur lips kiss them again, so good so right , this is one night I’m wishing I could rewind” does any of this involve me do you think and do you think he likes the other girl? Yesterday(August 13) he kept retweeting and favoriting tweets about a girl and love one was, ” she’s a little complicated she’ll make her mind up just to change it” now I’m pretty sure this other girl( with the same first name) doesn’t like my ex. But I’m still worried like what goes on with them two I don’t think she likes him but I’m pretty sure he likes her and not me

admin

August 15, 2014 at 2:23 pm

B/c shes the ungettable girl to him right now…
me

August 16, 2014 at 2:24 am

is there a way to change that? To become that ungettable girl over her. Is it too late? Now that it’s been 10 months? I personally think she isn’t going to date him but I know he thinks of her. I just have a sense ya know? Well thank you!!! Oh and why did he unfriend me on snapchat again was it my picture?
Thanks so much for answering to my questions.
admin

August 18, 2014 at 12:40 pm

Sorry your going to have to refresh my memory on th esnpachat picture?

What did you send again?
Me

August 19, 2014 at 2:21 am

Well I sent a snapchat and it was a good looking picture I guess and a few moments later he deleted me but more up dated he friended me again on snapchat he is always doing this but why??? And I was looking thru his twitter he favorited two tweets that stood out to me.

The first one was a country quote
” Dont flatter yourself, I’m over you ”

And the second
” A good relationship is worth the wait ”

This really makes me upset. is it to late? I’m guessing the first one was to me and the second to the girl with the same name as me he always favorites and likes all her pictures. I don’t know what to do please help!!!

Thanks

Fiona

August 13, 2014 at 8:12 pm

Hey Chris

My boyfriend of 5 months dumped me saying that the relationship was not working out for him, i realized i was a bit clingy and it was just after a mild arguement so I didn’t argue with him when he broke the news because I sensed a break up but I didn’t know how to prevent it as (I only found out about your page after the break up) or else I could have prevented it so i just agreed to the break up coz i ddnt want to look desperate though i was hurt, so it’s been 26 days of no contact n he hasn’t said anything,,,my question is do you think I still stand a chance with him and that in 10 days it’s his birthday so do I wish him as I would be done with the NC or do I wait???

BTW I have been working on being a great version of myself, been going out, shopping, exercising and I have been showing off hoping he sees my daily updates,,, lastly Thanks on helping us Chris you are the best

admin

August 14, 2014 at 12:20 pm

Right now I would say you are doing great! Seriously!

Joanna

August 12, 2014 at 4:48 pm

Hey Chris.
He’s completely over me, and is comfortable with befriending me. I’ve tried the NC, and took all the other steps. (Btw I’ve only been talking to him for a week after the no contact) Is there absolutely no hope left?

admin

August 13, 2014 at 1:49 pm

How do you know hes completely ove ryou?
Joanna

August 15, 2014 at 12:18 pm

Well he says he does have some feelings for me but he doesn’t want to get back ever.

Penny

August 12, 2014 at 3:26 pm

Hey Chris,

I was in a committed relationship for 6 year. We have had our ups and down. I see all the sins I committed through out the whole relationship. We got together during high school. 4 years into the relationship we had our baby girl. He moved in with me, well with my family, during my pregnancy. We lived together for 2 years. I now know the mistakes I made during our relationship. I was clingy when he would go out with his friends, I threw anger tantrums. I hurt him with my words. Most days were great in the relationship, but I let things boil in my mind and then I would explode my feelings of anger at him.

It has been about a week since we broke up. He moved out. During the first two days I called and text him, so we could get back together. He said no and no time after time. After that I tried the no contact for two days. We had a trip to San Jose planned to visit his family. He invited me to go. I went and during the ride over there I was acting like I was happy and that I had a lot going for me in the future. Trying to make him see that I don’t need him to be happy. He told me he misses me, that he can’t let things go, that he wants to better himself, that he loves me but not that he wants to get back with me. He was all lovey-dovey all day with me, holding my hand, hugging me, kissing me. After the trip he took me to the movies. It was the perfect day. After he texted me and I was trying to make him remember good times we had and he was intrigued he text me back time after time.

The next day, I went to pick up my daughter from his mother’s house. He was there and asked me for a hug and to hold his hand. He told me he wasn’t happy without me. We went it to celebrate my new job that day. The end of the night came and we talked about if we should get back together. He said he needs his space to get his career and life processing. I was hesitant, butI want him back so much. We went to his room and had sex ( I know bad mistake) during sex I sparked up the conversation that if we could be together as boyfriend and girlfriend again. I told him that we could live in different homes ND the we could have a relationship. He agreed and we finished the night together. Why do I feel like I accomplished nothing? I have a knot in my stomach even after he told me yes to getting back together? What do I do? Do I start no contact again, do I become an ungettable girl?

I feel like I forced the relationship on him. But he assured me that he made up his mind and he was truthful about getting back together. Was is the sex talking? I am confused, please help me Chris.

BEST WISHES,
PENNY

admin

August 13, 2014 at 1:48 pm

Take a deep breath.

I know its really tough because sex is such an emotional thing. However, give him a chance to see what he does. Just don’t sleep with him again until he commits alright.

Artemis

August 10, 2014 at 9:03 pm

Hi, back again after being broken up with my ex for 5 months now. He and I live about 2 hours apart now (it used to be a whole continent) but separated by country lines. We broke up for many reasons, mostly because of pressure put us because we are two different nationalities and couldn’t be in the same country longer than 6 months. We also both became a little too dependent on each other. When I left he said he waited for me in his car for 20 minutes at the airport, hoping I’d come running outside. But I took these 5 months to grow as a person and become more independent. He hasn’t contacted me on a personal level since. He’s only messaged me about where he should ship my things. I told him where to ship them, but after 5 months he still has them. He says he is being lazy about it, but after 5 months?? I try to send him funny messages with little reminders about us, but he never responds. He’s 25, I’m 26. Is he just over everything? If so, why wouldn’t he just ship my things and be done with it? Is he holding on, or just being immature? I did NC back when we first broke up, but he didn’t respond to me except when he was upset over me unfriending him on facebook. Should I try another round of NC?

admin

August 11, 2014 at 11:43 am

How lond did you last in the first NC?
Artemis

August 11, 2014 at 8:16 pm

Over thirty days. I also blocked him on facebook during that time which he really didn’t like. When I started contacting him again I tried to induce memories that would provoke positive thoughts (which is fairly easy since we traveled the world together). But the only thing he responded to was when I asked him about my things I had left behind (of which there is a lot). He said he would ship them. That was months ago and he hasn’t yet. Why is he holding on? Should I stop sending him messages every week or so if he doesn’t respond to me on a personal level?

Hannah

August 5, 2014 at 9:00 am

Hi Chris!

My boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me 2 1/2 months ago due to my clinginess, neediness, and same fights. We’ve been living together for a year and a half and have been living together all throughout our break up. He’s only moving out today. During that time there were fights, awkwardness, cuddling, and sex. So basically, he definitely knew I was just there and didn’t really see much change from me. He’s also leaving a lot of stuff at our place which he says he’ll get in a month’s time. It’s also my birthday in a month. Our whole break up the longest time we haven’t seen each other is only 3 days. Do you think I should still do NC now that he’s leaving? Will is still be effective? Should I still send him a good bye message or just do NC now? Thanks Chris!

admin

August 6, 2014 at 2:36 pm

Yes, maybe a bit shorter version though.
Hannah

August 7, 2014 at 3:18 pm

Alright thanks Chris! How long though? 21 days or less? And why do you think i should make it shorter?

Ria

August 4, 2014 at 1:34 pm

Hi Chris!
I’d really love your advise cause the worst happened for me!!
I met my ex on fb Last june.We used to go in the same school(he’s 2 years older) but didn’t know each other in person,though I always had a crush on him since the first time I saw him.My last year at scholl I added him on fb,he accepted me and showed interest but I was too coward to meet him when I had the chance,then he closed his fb and I had forgotten him till last year when I found his new profile and decided to add him again.Once again,he accepted, he showed interest again,we exchanged phone numbers soon and ever since we talked and texted every day for 3 months. I never told him that we kind of knew each other in the past.He was working in another city so we only met last september when he came here for his sister’s wedding. Before that, at the beggining of our ‘relationship’ I tried to break up with him because he would press like in many girls’s photos and that annoyed me.He was really upset and said he wouldn’t do it if it bothered me, that he really wanted me and so he did and that was something that convinced me about his sincerity.Since then we opened to each other more and he has showed intention of marrying me someday.We even have arranged to go to Rome together during winter!I saw him about 5 times but after 2 weeks or so he started being strange,probably because he has family issues, and I admit I was so terrified I put him a lot of pressure and became clingy.He left again after the wedding of his sis,we didn’t talk then,but after a while we started talking again.He returned here to stay,but didn’t say anything about us.I tried to say how much i miss him,but nothing. I had lost every hope!Then he suddenly texts me to see a movie I had suggested him in the past, and after a few days he texts me again to say he found a job,i was cold at him.After a few days I found your site, did NC,it worked,he messaged me once, I didn’t answer, then after 30 days I tried my First text,it went very good!after 3 days he texted me First and so I followed the plan.At some point he kind of did a jealousy scene cause he saw me with my cousin,though he got a bit mad and denied it when I said he cared about me.2 weeks later about xmas,he implied he wanted to see me,and during new year’s eve we were texting each other all the time. He even said he was looking forward to our trip,that he liked me etc..After that at some times he was cold and hot at times,we met once at end of january, at his house where he introduced to his family as his girlfriend.I tried to talk to him about what is going to happen between us and he kind of didn’t answer. Ever since he was kind neutral and when the time of the trip came, we didn’t go cause he couldn’t leave his job while he said that we can’t be together and we wont be! I didn’t talk to him about 40 days after that.Meanwhile he had closed his FB.I tried text him he didn’t reply 2 times.In the third text he started asking me things on his own.For a while we talked,he was friendly,he was teasing me, we even talked on the phone after a long time! then he never wished me on my birthday,he didn’t reply when I wished him on his. Again I tried after a while talk to him,he was possitive,then he wouldn’t answer again! Meanwhile he owes me the money for the trip which I asked and he said he has some difficulties and a girlfriend!I asked him for how long and he said 2 months. I told him I also have a bf and that I’d like to remain friends. At some point it happened and i saw him on his bike and he has gained a lot of weight.Now my friend beleives he’s lying about the gf,But one day I tried to text him ‘May I ask you sth?’,he replied in less than 5 min. and after another 5 again saying ‘tell me now cause I’m with my gf and I don’t want any misunderstandings!’. I was shocked,didn’t reply anything, yet about 35min later I checked on fb and saw him on Chat from cell. I waited and at night I send him a text saying I didn’t want to disturb earlier and that sth happened that scared me, so I wanted to say some things. I thanked him for the support he gave me last summer, I apologized if I crossed the line some times and said I’m glad we know each other. He didn’t reply.. Now about 1 month has passed since then and no sign of him.yesterday I saw he had change his profile pic on fb(twice) and seems like he’s on vacations or anyway at a swimming pool with someone(girlfriend my guess),while I saw that his photo number increased from 142 to 146 though i can’t see other photo than those two. To make matters worse i saw a comment on his mother’s photo and he was saying ”Girl’s name says summer suit you! :)”…and it was late at night! i’m so afraid they’re having vacations together or sth which he was saying we would do together but never did!And seems his mother knows her too! Isn’t all that too soon for a 3 months relantionship??
And what can i possibly do?Talking isn’t working! Seems like i don’t have any chance at all! please help..
Anne

August 4, 2014 at 9:28 am

Hii,

Me and my boyfriend broke up very messily about a month ago (We have been constantly fighting since).

Basically I was too clingy and controlling and pushed him away, then with him breaking up with me that made me MORE clingy so I begged for him back loads told him “I’ll change” blah blah. All the things I shouldn’t of done. It was honestly really messy and he blocked me everywhere for a while and never wanted to speak to me again.

Now, I’m unblocked on facebook (still blocked on Skype and other things), but unfriended on it. But still able to message him on facebook, text and call if need be. Basically he told a friend of mine when he went on holiday he had sex (his first time since we hadn’t had sex yet) and it was amazing, better than anything with me. Then he also told the girl (who is more my friend than his) he lied to me (he told me I was the only girl he had ever been sexual with) and that he had been sexual with girls before me.

I had been doing no contact at that point, but I know NC wasn’t bothering him, he didn’t say all that to make me contact him I know for a fact. But I was soooo incredibly mad and hurt that he lied to me about me being the only girl. So of course, I sent a MASSIVE and very angry message to him on facebook. Honestly at that point, I didn’t care what he thought of me, I just wanted him to know how badly I thought of him.

BUT, then it turns out, he never had sex on holiday (he’s still a virgin) and that I was the only girl. He just said all that because he wanted it to look like he moved on and he wanted me to hate him so that I would move on. Honestly, I believe him and I think he is still a virgin and that I was the only girl. But after all that arguing etc and him telling the truth we ended up talking nicely for a bit, kinda.

He was basically saying I’m a nice girl but we just weren’t meant to be and when I’m over him maybe we could be friends. I obviously agreed to that (although I feel he only said the friends thing to just shut me up). But I suggested that when I’m over him and have no feelings for him that maybe we play a game together. (We are an IRL couple and knew eachother from High School but started talking on skype / a gaming website, if we were friends we wouldn’t really meet up to do anything). And he said yeah sure but was very blunt so I just ended the conversation after a bit and didn’t reply to his last message.

I just need your advice on what to do? I very much would like a second chance with him, but even just being his friend is enough for me.

I was planning on doing NC (our last time talking was last night) for maybe 1 or 2 months then just messaging him on the gaming website asking if he would like to play a game with me? And then see if he would like to do a skype call while playing or not.

I’m a little scared to do the texting after NC reminding them of happy times since I think he’s made it pretty clear he doesn’t want to be with me, so I really want to just be friends and see what happens?

What’s your opinion? Sorry if this is repetitive and annoying. I just don’t know what’s best.

admin

August 4, 2014 at 2:41 pm

You don’t have to follow my texts exactly.

Look, you know him better than I ever will so if your gut is telling you to not do something b/c he won’t react well to it then don;’t do it.
Anne

August 4, 2014 at 9:46 am

Oh and I’m unfriended on facebook so he can’t see what I post and he unfollowed me on instagram and twitter. But both my instagram and twitter are on public so anyone can see. I know most people like spy on their ex’s page, but if he unfollowed me etc would he still be checking? I find it weirdly comforting to think he might be checking up on me at times, but idk if he is

Tay

August 1, 2014 at 11:12 pm

Chris so I saw my ex last night he came to our mutual friends for a small hang out.. He called our friend and asked him who was there and the friend just said oh it’s just tay and her friends.. And he made a 40 minute drive to come… Even though it was just me there and two of my friends I thought this was really weird and my friends just said he obviously came to see you. He also asked me about my family issues which he tried asking me like two months ago when we had seen each other for the first time since breaking up. What do you think?

admin

August 4, 2014 at 2:33 pm

Thats a good sign if he drove all that way.

Tay

July 31, 2014 at 5:05 am

Okay so I posted a comment on here before and you said it was a good sign that his friend (my ex’s friend) had called me up whilst drunk telling me he wanted to get back together etc.. Anyways what do I do now! I haven’t seen him since the last party we were both at and that was about three weeks ago, I went over to talk to him as I was quite drunk and well I guess we conversed quite well though my state of intoxication ha ha… Anyways so now that his friend called me up the other day saying that do I just wait till the next party where I’ll see him and go up and talk to him or wait for him to talk to me at the party?

admin

August 4, 2014 at 2:16 pm

Do yourself a favor and try to not be drunk when you talk to him again ok hahaha.

Jesse

July 31, 2014 at 12:01 am

My ex and I have been apart for 8 months because I flirted with one of his old friends and also because of “lost feelings”. We’ve had a love/hate relationship since then with jealousy, kissing each other, ignorance, yelling, and so on. A month ago he went off to camp, and I began to move on. I started to date his best friend. His best friend, who is leaving in a few weeks to Ireland forever, didn’t tell my ex. When my ex came back from camp and showed up at his friend’s house, I was there. We all hung out and it was like nothing had ever changed. My boyfriend and I weren’t being all touchy. My ex though, would talk to me nonstop, stare and smile at me, or make flirty jokes. It was almost as if we were together again and we were best friends. Every time I would come home from hanging out with he’d message me to see what I was doing or if I enjoyed my day. He is also looking for a place to live in my building in the condo right below me. He was leaving the car one day and said “Love you guys! Ok, maybe Greg (his best friend) a little more.” That day I broke up with his friend (it was a really chill whatever relationship that lasted a week) and he was fine with it. That night I went to the movies with my ex and afterwards we went to get lava cakes. He asked me what was going on between him and his friend and I said “He hasn’t told you?” and my ex said “No, but now I know something was going on.” and then he let it go. We were walking on the dock to take his boat home, and he seemed concerned and asked again what was going on between his friend and I. I told him the truth and my ex said “Well because I don’t want any strings attached because I want to kiss you.” We talked for a while about trust and the past, and he said he wants to get back together. He said that he missed me in the last weeks of camp and being around me these few days he’s back made him like me again. He kissed me. He then said that he wants to wait until his friend leaves until we get back together. After the 5 minute boat ride to my dock, he cut me off when I was talking about something else, and said that he was confused. We talked the rest of the way walking to my house, and he said that he needs time to think because he doesn’t know if he has true feelings yet. He then asked if friends with benefits would work but answered his own question and said no. He told me not to worry and that he’d message me on Facebook but never did. I did, but he just said good night right away. The next day I messaged to see if he wanted to hang out and he said not today. I asked if we could talk later and he said sure, then five minutes later he messaged me talking about something else irrelevant and we joked around and flirted a bit. I messaged him that night, since he was gone all day, and asked if we could talk but he didn’t answer. I kept sending messages (like 6) and finally gave up but he replied with “Omg why do you always act so crazy. I was watching Californication.” I said “I’m sorry are you ready to talk?” and he didn’t answer. I said good night and so did he. Today he was gone all day working on his boat, but when he came back I messaged him. He seemed dry so I asked what was wrong but he said nothing. I asked why he was being so distant and he said because he needs space. I said told him to just tell me when he’s ready and he said ok. I asked if he needs space to think about getting back together or does he already know? He just replied with “Just leave me alone for a few weeks.” I said ok and thats it. I’m really worried. I guess it’s good because his friend will be gone in a few weeks. School also starts in a few weeks. I’ll probably see him around a bit, so I’m going to act happy and nice around him. Do you think he’s really thinking about getting back together, or just telling me to leave him alone so I’ll shut up. Does it also seem like he really wants to start things again or it was just an idea that he’s now doubting. What should I do to speed up his thinking process or give prove to him that getting back together is a good idea?

admin

August 4, 2014 at 2:12 pm

You started to date his best friend…. already that puts you in a bad camp in his mind.

Becky

July 30, 2014 at 9:00 pm

Hi, my ex and I carried on talking after he broke up with me (trying to be friends). We broke up 5 months ago. And we both agreed on to not talk for a while (haven’t spoken for 2 weeks now).We both tried to stop talking on many occassions but only lasted a few hours. This time I’m sticking to it! (No Contact) He is going on holiday after the end of the no contact time(a drinking fueled holiday with his best mate and then onto a friends wedding). Should i still send him a text before / during his holiday or leave it until after his holiday? Advice much appreciated! 🙂

admin

August 4, 2014 at 2:04 pm

Definitely stick to it! I think you will see some good results.

Sara

July 29, 2014 at 7:05 pm

What if it is he that is so clingy and insists that you are with him all the time. Even pouts when I sleep with my back to him. Then when things don’t go his way threatens to be done all the time? He is also wishy washy about committmet. Its all very confusing.

admin

July 30, 2014 at 2:51 pm

Then I would say that he is emotionally immature and why you even want him back?

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