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Anonymous
January 1, 2017 at 6:00 pm
What would be appropriate of me the first time I run into my ex? It will be a public event that he doesn’t know I will also be attending, and his friends and some mutual friends will be there as well because of our common activities; it will have been about 3 months since our break-up and any contact with each other. It was long distance and we’d only see each other about 4 times a year at most if we didn’t make our own plans; this is one of those 4-ish times. He left because I was clingy and he didn’t want too much attention or to feel obsessed over, and by the time he made his decision, he didn’t want anything to do with me whether that was being in a relationship, being friends (though we’d probably be on these terms had we studied at the same school and saw each other regularly) or keeping lines of staying in touch open (he blocked my number and me on social media so now I can only get to him through mutual friends and he never responded to me directly when I initially tried to sort things out). Soon after he told me he doesn’t want a relationship I had made it clear to him that if we run into each other in the future I most likely won’t be ignoring him because it’s not in my personality to ignore anyone no matter what our current terms are and I think it’s always nice to see people you know after a while, and I want him to take it that objectively, but I am afraid he won’t do that when a preconceived notion of clinginess could be in the mix to prevent him from seeing that the way I act is because I’m approachable and friendly in most cases. If nothing like a break-up had happened between us and say we were still just friendly as before our relationship, I would usually smile a lot and be enthusiastic (especially when it had been a long time since we had seen each other) and conversational with him, showing interest in how he had been since we last saw or contacted each other, but I don’t know how I can feel free to be in how I interact with him this first time, hopefully in a way that might make him reconsider me such as through seeing that I don’t really have clinginess about me or beginning to enjoy my company and conversation again. My goal for now is to get him interested in speaking to and being in contact with me again and go from there. I am also not sure whether for this to work, it would require conversation and for him to initiate it; if so, what would be best to do in a case he might not? He is generally shy and not really outgoing unless he is interested in someone, and he isn’t interested in me at the moment as far as I know, and I see that he might feel awkward in this situation, especially when other people we know will be around. Thank you so much for any insight.
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 1, 2017 at 8:06 pm
Hi Anonymous,
if he broke up with you because you’re clingy and you really made it a point that you would approach him and talk to him in person, if he doesn’t want that, he will avoid you or he would wait for you to come for a catch up talk and probably prepare on how he would make you feel that he’s serious about the break up. So, give him the unexpected.. Dont search for him. if you ever get in really close proximity, just smile and then walk away. Look your best..if he approaches, talk and then walk away at the high point of conversation, excuse yourself and then mingle with other people..
May T
December 31, 2016 at 7:22 pm
2 months ago ex broke up with me because of clinginess. Did no contact for 24 days. He does hot and cold reaction towards me when I contact him. 2 weeks ago I met up with him and everything was great. He initiated in some intimacy but it ended with us agreeing to stay friends until things are figured out. I text him at least once a week since then but usually no reply back, so now I’m doing active no contact again for 3 weeks. How do I show that I have changed? Is there anything else I can do?
Gabby
January 19, 2017 at 2:08 pm
Hi I haven’t actually broken up with my bf yet but it’s getting to the point where he’s withdrawing and even told me he gets irritated when I ask to hangout. I know I have been clingy and am trying to work on it now seeing that however I’m not sure how to go about it. I have been doing most of the work in the relationship I ask to come over and I plan all the dates. It’s clear that I over pampered him and it feels like the relationship is one of convenience now for him. I want to prevent the break up bc I can tell it’s close as we fight constantly right now always the same him not spending time with me or planning something and him declining bc he’s in a bad mood or over worked (which is true he works a lot) how do I recover before it gets any worse ? Anything I can do to stop the clinginess and get him to feel happy with me not annoyed?
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 20, 2017 at 7:16 pm
Hi Gabby,
check this one:
How To Prevent A Breakup With Your Boyfriend When You Know It’s Coming
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 1, 2017 at 7:17 pm
Hi May,
stop making the effort.. 24 days was too short and keeping in contact also didn’t help. Thing is, you were in contact in a long time after break up, it looked like chasing. So the higher chanc3 of reversing that is to stop contacting him for a long time, stop responding and just have your own life..
May
December 31, 2016 at 7:20 pm
2 months ago ex broke up with me because of clinginess. Did no contact for 24 days. He does hot and cold reaction towards me when I contact him. 2 weeks ago I met up with him and everything was great. He initiated in some intimacy but it ended with us agreeing to stay friends until things are figured out. I text him at least once a week since then but usually no reply back, so now I’m doing active no contact again for 3 weeks. How do I show that I have changed? Is there anything else I can do?
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 1, 2017 at 7:16 pm
Hi May,
stop making the effort.. 24 days was too short and keeping in contact also didn’t help. Thing is, you were in contact in a long time after break up, it looked like chasing. So the higher chanc3 of reversing that is to stop contacting him for a long time, stop responding and just have your own life..
rolex
December 18, 2016 at 2:40 pm
He is not my boyfriend but i like him alot, we even had sex. i became clingy after wards and he ended up hating me and told me to “leave him the hell alone” but i just couldn’t, he blocked me on social media. but i have stopped contacting him for a week now, although i bombed into him today, i hope that hasn’t ruined everything for me though.
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 22, 2016 at 1:04 am
Hi Rolex
how did you act when you saw him? Are you improving yourself? Aim to be the ungettable girl..
Charlene
December 15, 2016 at 8:55 pm
After reading this article I am like wow everything I read was so me! It explained what I was doing to my boyfriend exactly and now I feel like an idiot! It really helped me understand a mans point of view when having someone clingy like myself. He just texted and asked what to I was doing later and my response was I was busy because that more guy needs much needed space from my clingy little self haha thank u Chris I think u just saved our relationship if it wasnt already too late
Zoey
December 18, 2016 at 11:26 pm
I was in a long distance relationship for 7 months and my ex decided he needed to take a break from dating to figure out what he wanted in life and also because he’s going in deployment next year. So I did the no contact rule successfully. He started liking all my pictures. Then after no contact we started texting again. Unfortunately, I started to get a little clingy. I texted him twice and called him. Then I texted him again the next day. He hasn’t replied since. Should I not talk to him for a week and see what happens? I’m not sure what to do
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 22, 2016 at 9:20 am
Hi Zoey,
how long have you been texting?
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 17, 2016 at 1:23 am
Hi Charlene,
It’s never too late to be better 🙂
Imagine
December 14, 2016 at 12:00 am
This is by far the most helpful article I have read on being clingy. My boyfriend and I have not broken up but I have done a few of these acts, specifically being unnecessarily jealous. A few months ago, I found out that my boyfriend had been hanging out w his long ago ex girlfriend. He lied to me about who she was from the beginning. I wouldn’t have cared if he told me that he was hanging out w her, but he didn’t tell me. I first found out because we were watching a video on his phone one night and she texted him about his dog. At this point he told me that she was a friend but later that night he told me that she was his ex and that he still had feelings for her as anyone does an ex. I understand this and I think it’s fine. Yes we are adults and have had significant others in our lives. He told they had met to walk their dogs together the week before. I asked why he didn’t mention it. He swept it aside and I told him that it’s fine to hang out w her if there isn’t anything there more than friendship why not, but just let me know. That if he hides it, then it’s doing both of us a disservice. Fast forward a few months and I was on his phone on his Facebook – he asked me to write something on there for him. I noticed she was his “favorite” and they text a lot. I opened the messages (he was next to me) and saw that he had been reaching out to her to hang out, quite a lot, on nights we were not together. Those nights, I wouldn’t ask what he was doing, but we’d text as normal and wish each other good night. I figured he was either w his neighbor or alone, no big deal. I saw that he had asked her to hang out on numerous occasions and they did, granted the texts were all platonic and not sexual. Still I broke up him then and there. I thought okay, there is way more to this and I’m not interested in being in the middle of these two. He begged and pleaded and said he would stop. For the most part he has and I he now tells me when she contacts him. Unfortunately this has made me very insecure and I don’t have trust for him. I know he is a good guy and won’t cheat on me, but he lied to me about hanging out w her and that is what is hurtful. So now I freak out if he doesn’t respond right away or if she writes. Of course there is way more to this story, but the bottom line is I feel betrayed and I am definitely acting out as a result. I am controlling now. I don’t like this and he hates this. He feels that he couldn’t tell me in the first place because I would have freaked out. I feel that had he been honest from the very beginning, if he suggested that we all hang out or at least for me to meet her, none of this would matter. I have to take some steps back and regain some of myself. Thanks again for the article and allowing the space to write.
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 15, 2016 at 1:16 am
Hi Imagine,
I think your reaction to what he did, you being you right now is normal. It’s not nice to keep seeing your ex and then hide it. Are you going to do the no contact rule?
Sophia
November 25, 2016 at 2:29 am
I was in a long distance relationship and it’s safe to say my ex broke up with me because I was clingy and made him feel like my life was starting to revolve around him, especially when I started to make a lot more effort to see him despite my busy student life and the distance at times he couldn’t do it himself. I asked if we could still be friends and he said he didn’t think we should stay in touch; after that, he blocked my number but we are still friends on Facebook. One of his friends had explained to me that it made sense he wanted to avoid me because it felt as though I’d be feeding off of any type of interaction with him when he didn’t feel the same way for me anymore (most likely because clinginess was a major turn-off) and my expressing my want to at least stay friends seems like persistence in this situation that is driving him away. I do want to get back with him, but would also be happy to make the progress of going back to the friendly terms we had before being together, but when he expects me not to contact him anyway because he told me I shouldn’t and our interaction became more in-person during our relationship when we’d see each other about weekly or so, I don’t know how no contact will work, and rare are instances in which I’d be able to say I bumped into him because we go to different schools that are not very close to each other. I fear I won’t be able to improve my situation because we don’t see each other and there’s no one associated with him who would convey to him my progress on self-improvement. I want to show him I won’t make the same mistakes again and at least that we’ll do fine as friends by acting normally, friendly, and staying calm about what happened among other needed factors, but I don’t know how I can do this when we don’t see each other anymore and I can’t reach him without him likely feeling that I didn’t listen or consider his wishes to an adequate degree and seeing it further as a clingy action. What should I do in this situation? And if an occasion does come up when we see each other again without making plans to, such as an event where both of our schools are involved and we’d have to come, which will be happening at least once this year but he may try to avoid coming if he knows I might, how to act with him? Also, how should I act with his friends, who still keep contact with me so that I don’t ruin my chances? I don’t want to give them a negative impression that will be reported back to him on. They are trying to support me and help me feel better after the break-up and I’m finding it hard to resist talking about how I feel and how I’m not over him, and I worry that they’ll start to view me as something along the lines of desperate, needy, clingy, etc., which wouldn’t be proving my ex otherwise. Today is the 16th day we haven’t been in contact; what should be my plan in terms of no contact, and within what range of time should I give him until we talk again either in person or via phone, like messaging? Thank you so much!
Sophia
December 2, 2016 at 8:07 am
Facebook has been our only common social media, and he blocked me on it yesterday. I didn’t try contacting him and my activity on it wasn’t unusual, but that’s what happened. What do I do?
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 2, 2016 at 7:09 pm
You still have to be active in posting in it and make your posts public because there’s a chance that he check that when he gets curious..
Sophia
November 28, 2016 at 1:16 pm
Thank you! I believe I could clarify my last question and say that I perhaps started to seem too obsessive about him to him when he knew I already had a lot on my plate; my question was with this long distance and not being in touch, how I can show him otherwise and that I’m not focused on him an unhealthy amount? He already knows I’m a very busy person from the start and that I probably still am and will be, but I guess that isn’t changing the impression that I can’t think about anything but him, an idea that makes him uncomfortable with being in a relationship or being friends again. What can I do other than no contact and continue the busy life I have that he’s already aware of so he can start to see past this impression that I’m clingy and obsessive and become interested in me again?
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 29, 2016 at 1:20 pm
I know this can seem repetitive but the only way he will see your progress is through social media.. If you were clingy, that means you always demanded time or blamed him..so if you’re busy before and still clingy, that means you have to choose agtivities that really make you grow and focus in yourself more
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 27, 2016 at 2:23 pm
You have to be active in posting is social media.. whether he has an account or not, because there is still a big chance that he will check your account once he gets curious why you stopped chasing.
I didn’t understand your last question though..If you meant you were clingy, that means you weren’t active enough in your own time because if you were active in your time, you wouldn’t be clingy. Yes, you are distant, but I think what you meant is that you were demanding? Correct me if I’m wrong. That still means you’re clingy. He has to see during and after nc that you’re more busy. You don’t have much time for him and you’re not asking nor demanding more time from him anymore because you have a lot on your plate.
He has to see that you’re starting to move on during nc, so that there’s a higher chance that he will initiate during it or he would think that you’re just being friendly after nc if you initiate. That’s why you have to keep the routine that you will start during nc while your’e rebuilding rapport with him slowly.
Jit
November 24, 2016 at 5:32 am
hi i just met a girl at night out…. we slept together…. we started texting each other…….. she said she is not ready for a relationship as she had recently break up with her boyfriend.. and she has been trying to things sorted out with him… and she put me as a friend… she suddenly stop texting …… i was too clingy i think… this think just happened within first week and done… i want her back again.. thinking to text her as her daughter’s birthday is coming soon ( within our first meeting)…. pls advice
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 26, 2016 at 6:55 pm
HI Jit,
when was this? How long were you talking to each other? Do you want to try the no contact rule?
bluie
November 12, 2016 at 2:26 pm
Me and my ex girlfriend were together for 6 years as a couple and dated for a year before that. She called it quits this year coz i was ‘too much’. Its been 4 months now and she is with someone new (thats what she said last time we talked), she met this person a month post breakup and got together with him right away. I still love her. I regretted being clingy making her feel smothered and suffocated since i loved her too much and I was insensitive that I was making her feel that way. Post breakup a lot of things happened like rumours from our friends and my sister also argued with her. I didnt really wanted those to happen since I dont want to hurt her, just that people acted on their own and I didnt even knew about it at first. I have told her that I am sorry for hurting her, and sorry for how my side acted on when we broke up, just that they didnt expect my ex to move into another relationship right away causing me to be mentally and emotionally wrecked (hurting those who loves me then disappointed with my ex since they expected better from her).
To be honest I still want to be with her but I will keep my word to her that I will not pursue her and take her from the new guy if that what makes her happy. Im sad that she never understood why i was too much (because I didnt trust the friends she met two years ago, since they were the kind who’ll flirt alot despite having boyfriends and didnt want to influence my ex).
Any advice on how I can move on? It’s my priority right now. Coz i want to stop hurting already and just be happy with her. I’m leaving everything with fate.
To my first true love, and also im her first.. you’ll always be special and I am thankful coz you made me happy.
bluie
November 15, 2016 at 4:34 am
Hi Amor,
Yeah it has been and still is rough for me. I’ve been volunteering, going out to socialize and stuff. Still it is hard since it was a long time that I spent with that person. And it disappointed me a lot on how she just tossed things that easily. And replaced me right away also.
Not to mention she has been pretending to be the victim and her girl friends had been spreading nasty talks about me so they’ll come clean.
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 15, 2016 at 1:28 am
Hi Bluie,
Dont rush. Take it step by step. Start a new routine, and acknowledge every time you think about her. That’s ok. Just dont stay that way. Acknowledge and then go back to your activity. Do something with progress like volunteering, do new things, improve yourself and make new friends.
Vicky
November 5, 2016 at 5:28 pm
after fun first happened with the I went and told a close friend of ours what had happened and she said he was a really private person etc but as time went on I kept asking her for advice and telling her things.s So last night I came clean to him about talking to our close friend about what had happened between us and he was really calm and just said “well there goes the trust thing” and that we are now strictly friends and that’s it. He asked me to delete the pics of him I had as he’s deleted mine. Why didn’t he get annoyed at me? And why does he still want to be friends with someone who’s dishonest
Since then I’ve said that I miss him in the Fwb way and maybe about in the future something to happen ? I also said that I was sorry for hurting him and asked whether he regrets anything that happened between us. He responded:
“I’m done with the aspect of fwb, but being friends sounds great. You didn’t hurt me. But not really. I don’t really think about it”
What does all this mean?
Vicky
November 7, 2016 at 10:13 am
I guess I just would like him to miss me but not sure how to do it?
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 7, 2016 at 9:07 pm
ok, but dont offer to be friends with benefits again. The best approach is to be your best self and when you talk or interact, have fun and then go back to your own life.. Dont be too available..
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 6, 2016 at 11:55 pm
Hi Vicky
why did you want him to be angry and why are you offering to be friends with benefits? Dont do that again. Dont lower your value.
Vic
November 4, 2016 at 4:42 am
We had a friends with benefits going on and I went and told his friend about it and got her advice etc and tonight I admitted to my friends with benefits guy that I told her and he didn’t get angry at all, all he said was that “there goes the trust thing” and that we were strictly friends and that’s it. We’ve since spoken on other social media and it’s as if we’re back to just friends again Why wasn’t he hurt and why does he want to be friends with me when I told his friend personal things? I’m confused
Vic
November 6, 2016 at 12:38 pm
We are friends but why does he want to still be friends with me? Should I do the nc?
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 7, 2016 at 3:38 pm
From how you say it, it looks like it’s just because that’s the civil way to do.. yes, you should do the no contact rule. Do it for yourself to heal and improve.
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 6, 2016 at 12:52 am
Hi Vic,
Correct me if I’m wrong. He said, “There goes the trust thing” Because he thinks you don’t trust him enough because you ask advice with your friend? What did he want you to trust enough? And why did you want him to get hurt?
Frankly, do you want him to be more emotionally attached to you? Because that’s the reason why you’re just friends with benefits, and not in an exclusive boyfriend-girlfriend relationship. SO, it’s not that surprising that he’s not reacting so emotionally about the situation.
Fe
November 3, 2016 at 6:48 am
I’m still really confused
Nina
October 27, 2016 at 1:16 pm
I need help…my boyfriend and I where together for almost 2 years and living together for 10 months..we broke up before because I was too jealous of an ex which is his bother’s sister in law…(she will always be around actually lives with her sister and his brother) we got back together and I promised to change however I never stopped being jealous…and things got worse when his brother got engaged..so now I am sure she will be around forever…we were constantly fighting since I was feeling insecure that maybe they could get back together or he could cheat on me with her…his bother’s wedding date was scheduled and I got more and more insecure since my ex is the best man and she will be the maid of honor…we started fighting even more constantly…he gave me warnings that he was getting tired of the whole thing and I didn’t listen until one night I checked his phone and their messages had been deleted and I asked him why? (I know stupid me) he got so mad that he left in the middle of the night (it was Sunday) and went to his mom…I tired calling and texting no answers. On Wednesday didn’t text or called him however when I came home from work he had stopped by and took all his stuff…didn’t text or call…nothing…I freaked out and called him no answer..texted the same no answer..next morning went to his mom and he said he is done that he loves me but he can’t live his life like this…I feel awful…I know he is right..now I don’t know what to do I been trying to work on myself and the things that I know I shouldn’t have done it…has been a week and I haven’t contacted him (first time we broke up I chased him for a week and the following we got back) but I don’t want to do the same since I know I was wrong…any ideas what should I do?? I love him and I know he loves me..
Any help would be great. Thank you!
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 28, 2016 at 11:02 pm
HI Nina,
Forgive yourself. do a 30 day no contact..follow the advice above, and try to check this one too:
EBR 060: “Dating Yourself” During No Contact With Veronica Grant
Mia
October 26, 2016 at 7:54 pm
I’d love some insight from someone about my situation, as it is quite interesting and I can’t seem to find an answer directed at my particular situation.
We were dating for almost 3 1/2 years. We lived together for over a year and have a dog. He was offered a full scholarship to play baseball at a university about 5 hours away in a different state, which he obviously accepted. He left for school on August 20th, 2016. It has only been 2 months since he has been gone. I still live in our apartment with our dog. Things were great before he left. I was supposed to move with him, but his school failed to tell him that he couldn’t live off-campus until 2 weeks before his move-in date. He raised a big stink about it and even told the school I was his Fiancée.. This obviously didn’t change anything. So anyway, things were going good until I started to question some things. I started to get jealous or worried if he didn’t text me or call me back right away, I found myself constantly asking him what he was doing, who he was with, etc. Basically, I became super clingy and he kept saying I was overwhelming him and that I needed to chill. Well, I didn’t chill.
The last straw for him was about 2 weeks ago when he told me that he was going to his schools homecoming that weekend. Now, that is perfectly fine if he wants to go to his schools homecoming!! I would never tell him not to attend something like that, that’s just silly. However, a few weeks prior to his homecoming, I had asked if he was going and he just kept saying “no, it’s lame”. I was planning to surprise him by showing up to his school that weekend for his homecoming, but because he said he wasn’t going, I just left it alone and decided not to even try (he was coming home the next weekend for his cousins wedding anyway). So, when he told me that he was “all of a sudden” going to homecoming, I immediately assumed the worst and thought that he just didn’t want me to go because he was taking someone else, or would be dancing with other people, etc. (silly, yes, I know that now) and as a result of these assumptions, I told him that I didn’t want him to go and if he did, there would be problems with us. Well, he stood up to me and said that he was going anyway and if I didn’t like it, oh well. This made me even more fearful of my assumptions and caused me to be irrational and tell him that I wanted a few days to myself. I told him this for two reasons: 1. In that moment, I felt betrayed and truly thought that “if he loved me, he wouldn’t want me to feel this way, and he wouldn’t go like I asked”, and 2. I almost wanted him to beg me not to take a few days, as if that would make me feel more secure or something. Although he wasn’t happy about it, he tried to respect my wish. I ended up ignoring him for several hours that night after he texted me 3 or 4 times. I did this because I wanted him to feel what I THOUGHT I was feeling when he didn’t answer me right away, etc. (he never ignored me intentionally, that was just my way of trying to get through to him. Again, silly, I know). I ended up falling asleep before even responding to any of his attempts and woke up around 2am with no further attempts from him. This created new assumptions of “he doesn’t care”, “I can only imagine what he’s doing if he’s not trying to talk to me”, those types of things. Soo, per my assumptions, I started blowing up his phone with calls and texts until he answered. He was drunk. He was angry and told me that it’s not fair for me to ignore him and then just expect him to just be there when I call, which is completely true.. That’s not fair. But again, I didn’t see that until recently.
For the next few days, he was a bit stand-offish with me. He didn’t seem interested in talking to me, was very short with me, and he just wasn’t being himself. Then, he said he wanted his own space. This hurt me and more assumptions started pouring in. I got even more clingy and needy and I kept bombarding him with questions before giving him a chance to answer the last one. He began to stop replying at all and after a few days I just gave him the space I should have given him when he asked. We didn’t talk much the last two days before he came home for the wedding. To give you an idea of the time frame of all of this, the wedding was October 22, 2016, exactly one week from his homecoming on October 14, 2016.
He arrived to my/our apartment on the day before the wedding and said that he really wanted me to go as his date and that he didn’t want anyone else to be there. However, he said that during the few days we spent apart, and I wasn’t blowing up his phone, it felt like a huge weight was lifted off his shoulders and it seemed like it was less stressful and just easier that way. Keep in mind, he is a college athlete and is a double major so he is extremely busy and after really thinking about this for a little bit, it seems like I was just adding extra stress and I understand that a girlfriend is supposed to do the opposite of that!! Basically, he went on saying that even though he loves me so much and wants to be with me, it just isn’t working right now. And he said he was sticking to that because he needs to worry about himself and his future right now. I still went to the wedding and we had such an amazing time. We had so much fun together and he was acting like there was nothing going on, AKA kissing me, touching me, hugging me, making me laugh, etc. We even slept in the same bed!! He fell asleep with his phone next to him and in the morning, a girl texted him saying “good morning handsome. Why was your mom mad at you?”. I immediately jumped out of bed and started asking questions. The end result came to be that this girl is just a friend of his. He hangs out with her from time to time but never alone. When asked why his “friend” would be calling him handsome, he said that he really had no idea and he didn’t know what she was even talking about, as he hadn’t talked to her since Friday afternoon and it was Sunday morning at that time. He said that he is “friendly” with her and only talks to her about school, baseball, things like that. He said he hadn’t ever flirted with her or touched her inappropriately, but he is friendly with her, whatever that means. But I want to add that when I was questioning him about this, he was following me around the room trying to hold me and he looked really sad. I was angry and heartbroken and he knew it. He is very stubborn and I always know when he is sincere about things, because if it wasn’t sincere, he wouldn’t even bother to try. But he was trying very hard to get me to understand that she is just a friend, and I appreciated that. He left to go back to school that evening.
I’ve read the above article about how to get him back when I’ve been clingy (about 3 times actually) and the article on no contact. I’ve started no contact but it has only been 3 days lol. He texted me Sunday night when he got back to school just so that I would know he was safe but I didn’t answer. We didn’t talk Monday at all. He texted me yesterday afternoon to ask how my birthday was (which was Sunday, btw. Best birthday ever, huh?!?!) and I replied “it was good, went downtown”, his response: “good I’m glad you had a good time”, my response: “thanks, how are you?”, his response: “okay, how bout you?”, my response: “good”, and that was it. I guess I didn’t follow no contact but we didn’t end on bad terms by any means so I felt strange eliminating him completely. He is still my best friend and I love him dearly, I could never hate him! I don’t plan to contact him or answer if he tries to contact me for a little while. I am just really confused on how to go about this because this is where it’s tricky: I move out of my apartment on November 13th, which is a little over 2 weeks from now. He is coming to help me move everything out, as most of the furniture belongs to him and he still has a ton of things here. I am keeping the dog, as he was a gift to me. How am I supposed to continue with no contact if he comes back in 2 weeks? Is there anything I should do differently? And how do I act when I finally see him??? Do you think it sounds like I have a shot to get him back or do you think this new girl “friend” will keep him occupied and he’ll forget about me?
I’m following all four of the “pillars” of success during this no contact period and I’m feeling really good about this. Those are just the minor flaws I need answers to!!! Sorry this is so long!! Thank you so much for any tips or advice!! I can’t even tell you how much this site has helped me these last two weeks!
Mia
October 28, 2016 at 7:12 pm
Hi Amor,
No we are not together. He did break up with me when he left, as he said that it’s not working right now. I still haven’t spoken to him since our last conversation a few days ago. He has removed my name from his bio on Instagram and started deleting sweet captions under photos that were directed towards me in the past. However, he hasn’t deleted any of the actual pictures of us and we are still friends on all social media. I’m so confused by his actions, it’s almost like he’s playing a game and trying to get me upset without actually doing anything wrong. Testing me, maybe?
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 29, 2016 at 2:49 am
maybe, or he’s just confused with his feelings too.
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 28, 2016 at 6:31 pm
Hi Mia,
I’m confused, he didn’t actually broke up with you right? He just said, it felt better when you were silent? I think you should hold off on the no contact until you moved out.. For now, just lay low.. answer if he contacts you..
Frost
October 17, 2016 at 6:10 pm
Hello Amor!
I’m feeling like I hit a rock somewhere and would really appreciate your insight… This is going to be long since I haven’t commented in a while as things were going great, or so I thought. I already commented earlier in the comments if you remember… So to recap: did 45 NC, it’s been about a month of texting (no calling, as even when we were together he hated calls and would never use it – called back only once only to make me happy when we first started dating – by the way is there a way to work through that? ). Let’s call him B.
For someone who had been dating him for only two months I think our texting is doing really awesome, actually we’re exchanging even more than when we dated and I feel our exchanges are more fun and interesting. Your texting bible guide has challenged me to keep my conversation interesting and keep the chemistry going instead of just sending needy texts «when will we see each other again?» or «How are you?» . Exept, first off, I’m always the one initiating conversations. He will never text me on his own… Is this a bad sign? Only twice he didn’t answer back so i’d do 2-3 days nc, then go back to texting him. Usually he’d always text me back almost immediately.
These two last weeks I thought things were going great! He even reposted on social media a funny picture I sent him by text (we are no longer facebook friends but some of his posts are public) , it was spot on and hit home run. Since that moment he’d sometimes answer with more than one text and we’d send each other inside jokes, and have started to get flirtatious again. Each time I’d send an opening text as suggested in texting bible such as «You’ll never guess what i did…» he’d tease me by answering with an over the top sexual practice and a joking smiley, and I’d laugh and answer my initial text. We sent each other a couple of flirty play on words, I’d send him a funny flirty picture, he’d laugh and answer that I shouldn’t tease him as he lives a nun’s life (clearly alluding more than once to the fact that he’s not seeing anyone). I know from reading your other articles that talking about sex even jokingly is a big no, but I love that we’re back on flirting terms and since we’re both basically pervs and big on sexual jokes, is that a problem? We’d both always admired each other’s wit and humor on that subject, and would laugh together on how it would usually offend others (so it might come off as odd if I suddenly wasn’t that way, it’s not like me) .
Twice he didn’t answer as fast as he usually does, first time it happened he texted back saying he was at a work reunion and would get back to me (he could’ve not answered and I was astonished that he’d justify himself since he’d usually just not answer even when we dated), second time he got back from a party and shared the event highlights with me and after told me «You should have been there» ! Our exchanges seemed even better than before…
I found out a week ago I was supposed to work at his private studio Saturday with another artist. Huge surprise. I didn’t want him to feel I was «stalking» him like he used as an excuse to stop contacting each other in the first place. So I sent him a text saying «I just found out I’ll be working at your studio next week, I hope this doesn’t bother you» to which he answered «It doesn’t bother me. On the contrary 🙂 » . I was over the top happy knowing this. I guess I started expecting something in this chance meeting. But still I stuck to usual friendly texting until then and kept cool. Two days before the project almost got cancelled as the artist was sick, I took my courage and told B, in our texting then suggested that if it was really cancelled suggested that we could grab a drink instead. He completely ignored it and answered on the subject of the art project and finance, when i asked again with a play of words he again dodged anwering directly, answering with jokes like we’d usually do, so I let it go and said «I might of have come off as too teasing with my suggestive jokes this time, it’s just a friendly drink 🙂 relax» and he just said he enjoys our jokes, but still didn’t answer yes or no for a drink…. I feel like in a cat/mouse game. I felt like he was stringing me along or that he’s unsure… Even reading your article on the subject I still can’t tell which it is. I can’t seem to get to the meet up point.
So project wasn’t cancelled, last saturday went to his place, dressed comfortably but looking good. I had changed my hair back to my natural color (I’d always wanted to go back to it and he’d often mentionned how much he thought it was a beautiful shade on women), I felt much more myself and confident than when we first dated! This was the first time we’d see each other since the breakup. I expected to have a couple of seconds behind his door to think of what to say at first and adjust, but as soon as I got into the hall his door was wide open and B was standing in it looking at me extending his arms for a hug hello. I can’t tell you how much my heart was racing, I’m so afraid it showed, but I stayed calm. I hugged him back and just said «Sorry for the 5min late» (so much for an amazing come back… Ha! ) to which he laughed. I went straight to work with the artist since it was my main purpose to being here, I wanted to show that I can stay professional. Maybe I made a mistake and was too cold… B left, saying he had errands to do and trusted he could leave us in the studio while we worked (the artist he then told me that it’s what he usually does). I was a bit dissapointed, hoping he’d stay… While he was gone, seeing as he had greeted me with a hug and greeted the artist with just a casual hi, the fellow Artist looked at me strange and asked how we knew each other. I got red, A. told me «Oh okay I get it, you two have history» … Awkward. But A. at least said nothing. When B got back he just let us know with a shout in the hall and isolated himself in another room, I was hoping he’d join us… But since he knew the project was me being slighty undressed I guess he or didn’t want to see me that way or wanted to stay respectful and not intrude. Since we had sent each other flirty texts I found he was a bit cold, maybe because there was a third person there. When I’d finished changing and we’d backed back our material he came back, he kept looking away or at the floor. Tried asking him how his errands went, he just gave me a vague answer. I was hoping he’d suggest we get a drink (like I had suggested two days before), but he instead mentionned how tired he was and promptly accompanied us to the door. Again, like when he greeted us, very neutral with A, then turns to me smiling and looking at me straight in the eyes and hugging. It hurt me so much to not grab him closer and not be able to stay longer like that, it felt nice…
When we were out A. said «Did you two leave on bad terms? Usually he talks a lot more with the other artists before heading us out. Then again he did look tired like he said.” and it sent my mind racing and in a panic. I’m afraid this was just business for him and that he didn’t feel anything… I doubt I’ll have another chance like this and I feel it was blown… I thought he’d be happier to see me, that we’d spent time since he knew in advance I’d be there and suggested that it was positive. Two hours later I sent a text thanking him for being thoughtful (as in my mind i tried to stay positive and focusing on his hug, it could’ve been worse? No? ) . He answered back saying «I was completely absent you mean ha ha!» . I sent back a message saying that he did look tired but it was nice to see him smile. No answer back. I was fine at first but thinking back at what the artist said, having such strong emotions burst back up after seeing him, I kind of broke down that night and cried. I felt sad realizing how I ruined our relationship over a misunderstanding, never having the chance to tell him this, and how much I miss him (it was a full moon too, didn’t help). I sent back a message late at night to B asking if he was asleep, that I had just got out of another job as something that bothered me during a different art set that had upset me and caused to leave, that I was feeling sick and wanted his insight on it. I received no answer… In truth I was just feeling overwhelmed from seeing him ealier the same day and just wanted a nice text or to hear his soothing voice so i could feel better. I called a friend to who I explained the encounter, who told me his reaction did seem a bit cold. Called another friend who told me she thought he was acting like a jerk for not asking me out for a drink and for not initiating contact with me, she tells me he’s stringing me along, that he probably just likes the attention and proceeded to tell me just as all friends say to each other how I could «find a better guy» as she thinks any guy who’s such a bear is just a looser (obviously that doesn’t change my mind AT ALL) …
So to sum things up I’d really like to have your insight:
– Do you think, just as my friends are suggesting, that his reactions were cold upon seeing me again or is it positive and that I’m just overthinking things?
– Is it a bad thing that he’s never the one initiating contact (even when i do mini NC of 2 days) ? Knowing that he’s very introverted, he never was very demonstrative or taking charge during our relationship, I find him more talktative by text now.
– What exactly should my next move be? My last message was late Saturday night, when asking if he was sleeping and if I could talk about something that upset me at work. We are monday and I still have no response whatsoever. Usually when a person you like even as a friend sends that you at least check up on them no :/ ? Especially that he knows I was at a big event yesterday, he could’ve asked how it was… But no news. Should I do a longer NC or am I being too sensible over nothing? Should I act like it doesn’t bother me and continue my texts like nothing happened?
I read the «Complete Guide” page as well. I find the transition from text to a first encounter really difficult to bring on… I’m also confused about the friendzoning him part, wouldn’t that get me friendzoned as well? Should I initiate jealousy by going on dates and telling him? I feel so close having gone this far, but I’m afraid I’m stuck in limbo here…
Frost
October 18, 2016 at 10:56 pm
Maybe it might help to add that I have been mostly sending him funny texts and jokes. Should I stop the ‘dirty’ jokes entirely, and show him only my sincere serious side? It’s very hard for me to reach out in another way than joking. I’m thinking about stopping the jokes and talking about more intellectual subjects (such as what I’m working on, or political contributions and recent elections). Maybe I should try one serious message tomorrow and if it doesn’t amount to at least a good conversation try 7 day no contact? Is that a good idea?
Or is there something that I mentioned that makes you say that I’m “just hoping” here ? Which makes me a bit bummed out as I’d really appreciate insight to get things to progress and know if I still have a chance to reconnecting with the person I love.
I’m wondering if I haven’t been hiding behind humor for too long each time to contact him. But humor is my main way to extent towards someone, and in your guides Chris says it’s a great way. Maybe I got too carried away.
I want to make things work.
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 20, 2016 at 7:39 pm
It looks like you’re just hoping because he didn’t want to have a drink with you despite the flirty texts you had..You even told him it’s just a drink but it looks like you sounded like you’re just trying to make him believe that..when he avoided that kind of moment with you, it means he doesnt want to lead you on.. He clearly avoided it from the moment you opened it up.. it was a short relationship too, so there’s a small chance of getting him back..
Humor is very good but I think you went too much on the dirty jokes..he might have been avoiding because of that too, because let’s say you were left alone and something happened, then that might make things complicated and he doesnt want you to expect a relationship again.. He might still think you’re hoping for a deeper connection, so it’ll just be better to avoid a situation like that.. It’s not a good sign that another person noticed how he’s avoiding you.. even pointing out if you had a bad break up because your friend thought that that could only be the reason he’s acting different with you..
It looks like you’re friendzoned.. For me you should move on..but if you really want to try, aim to be the ungettable girl.. date others, spend less time texting him and be involved with other activities, but when you do interact keep it fun and light..
Ungettable girls know how much to invest at a time and they know when to walk away too..if it looks like he’s just stringing you along, walk away…
Frost
October 18, 2016 at 10:26 pm
This is so confusing, he’s giving me such mixed signals… He’s always answering straight away and said things like “You should be here” or “I don’t mind seeing you. On the contrary : ) “, yet still avoiding a drink and never himself initiating contact? What am I supposed to do : ( ?
Frost
October 18, 2016 at 10:20 pm
What do you suggest I do then in this case 🙁 ?
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 18, 2016 at 6:38 pm
Hi Frost,
Honestly, it looks like you’re just hoping.. it’s normal that you would initiate more because he’s an introvert but avoiding the subject of grabbing drinks and saying that he was tired after your activity in his studio was a clear sign that he doesnt want to drink with you…even the artist noticed that he was aloof…
Sarah
October 12, 2016 at 5:13 pm
Hi, need advice badly. So I am recently divorced, for several months, and I met a guy through mutual friends. We hit it off and started texting a lot immediately…he came over my house and we agreed to be friends w benefits…I assumed I could be fine with it because I am not ready for a relationship…well this fun fling turned out to be amazing sex/chemistry was fabulous…everything was great except…I suppose I acted like I wanted more when he and I were together…texting a lot..getting jealous of other women in his life (friends), he called me out on it and I tried to correct it, perhaps I am just not cut out for FWB..anyway, 3 months into our “agreement”, he breaks it off….in sort of a mean way. He basically told me that it’s all over…he also gave me mixed signals making me feel perhaps he did want a relationship…so this isn’t all my fault. He is still my friend on FB, but may have unfollowed me there, not sure. After not talking for a week I texted him I wanted him to come over…he never replied…so I texted him again and he basically said it’s all over, and to quit it before he blocks me. I want him to know that I am a good, caring person who just got a little too deep in this relationship…I want to be friends. He was so much fun to hang out with. We had lots more we wanted to do together. He would always text me too, even if he said work was busy and I’d be perfectly cool with that, then he’d msg me first saying something else…I hope he is thinking about me, I just wish it didn’t end that way. He even told me in the beginning that people like me don’t happen to him and that he is allowing this to happen (he’s guarded from being cheated on too, as was I by my ex)…I’m really confused. It’s been a week of no contact. We were never a couple…but in a way I want to apologize for how I made him feel and hope we can be friends. When should I do this? Should I just leave him alone completely???
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 13, 2016 at 6:41 am
Hi Sarah,
Yup just leave him alone.. If you really want to apologize, now is not the right time.. By the way, What are you going to apologize for? What do you think you made him feel?
chanel
October 12, 2016 at 12:19 am
Honestly if I ever felt creeped out by a guy I would never want to speak to him again and it would be hard for me to see them in a different light…i know i messed up, he was super nice and into me until i let my insecurity get the best of me and i lashed out over a simple question, I thought I wasn’t satisfing him anymore, he ended it before I got the chance to explain myself….. maybe I should just never contact him again?
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 12, 2016 at 9:48 am
It’s your choice.. For me, I’m not saying that there’s no chance but of course, you’re free to do what you decide to do..
chanel
October 10, 2016 at 11:09 pm
My boyfriend and I were seeing each other going on three months, we went on vacation together I met his family and we talked almost everyday, I noticed that he started texting me less and would say it’s a two way street whenever I asked if he had a problem. and then all the sudden he told me that he felt like we didn’t have anything in common and our personalities aren’t very compatible he broke up with me but said that he still want to continue seeing me so I need to speak to me and he wasn’t going to be dating anyone else 6 days went by that I didn’t speak to him during that time. I ended up meeting his ex-girlfriend and had asked her about him I didn’t think anything of it then think any drama would be started and then I text him about a concert that we had already previously bought tickets for he then told me after I tried to interrogate her he could no longer talk to me anymore I ended up showing up at his house and knocked on the door for about 10 minutes and got these texts that told me I need to leave and I was creeping him out I plan on doing the no contact definitely because I know I’m not creepy or crazy do you think there is a possibility he would ever want to be interested in me again?
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 11, 2016 at 8:31 am
Hi Chanel,
I know you’re not creepy but to a guy’s perspective, when you’ve only dated for three months and you go talking to his ex to fish information about him, and showing up at his door after him telling you he doesn’t want to talk to you is a very creepy move.. It screams desperation..
You have to really be independent first, and he has to see and think that you have really changed before he trusts that you won’t do those kind of things again..
lucy
October 10, 2016 at 4:29 pm
Hi! So I was a bit jealous and threw some hints here and there and recently I told him I had feelings for him after a long time (the whole time he was the one chasing me). The moment I saw him I had feelings he started acting very cold and it was after a fight we had because he stood me up and thought I was fighting with him because I thought he was with another girl. That same night he wanted to end things with me because he felt we had already wayyy to many fights (we know each other for 3 months), but then he was like teary-eyed and told me he had so many feelings for me. Now he continued to act cold for the whole other two weeks although he was telling me nice things and words words words (“you are the best thing that ever happened to me”)..So after all that one day I had enough I told him through a text we need to talk and really I was about to take a break from the relationship. So the same man who has been chasing me and tell me all these amazing things told me I can’t do this anymore, it’s not like in the beginning there is no spark in between us, we are two different personalities and there is no strong feeling there. Like what?! We had a huge fight through texting with harsh words , i deleted him from facebook and he has ghosted me ever since. It’s been like 5 days. On the meantime I have not tried contacting him or whatever and I post on facebook everyday as if I don’t even care he’s gone. What do you think will happen lmao I’m spechless he was SOOOO INTO ME everyone told me so, my friends especially were like wtf he was so in love with you. He showed me this every single day and it is really a shock. I treated him badly but the way he ended through a text like wow he left me with no closure and I truly believe he didn’t mean what he said. The other time he told me we should break up, he told me he was extremely pissed off and he didn’t mean it. HELP me pleasee I’m confused. 🙁
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 11, 2016 at 11:17 am
Hi Lucy,
maybe he got tired.. although I’m not saying it was right for him ghost you..I’m just stating the possible real reason. Since you haven’t contacted him and it looks like you’re getting busy with yourself, start the count for a 30 day no contact rule.. so, that both of you can have a restart.
Kristen Dallas
October 9, 2016 at 6:12 pm
I was dating a guy for almost 3 months 2 months into it he asked me to be his girlfriend we took a weekend vacation together I meant his family and that one of his sons things were great until he got real confrontational in the bedroom and asked me if I like to do anal and I refused and told him I would never do that ever he then said that he can’t be in a relationship with me he needed time to think but he still wanted to talk to me and continue to see me a week went by with no contact and I ran into his ex-girlfriend and just had a conversation with her about him he then flipped out on me I drove over to his house I knocked on the door for 10 minutes he sent me a message that told me to leave and that I creeped him out I knocked on his door with no response and came over uninvited any blocked me from social media then text him and told him I was really embarrassed and I can no longer bother myself with him anymore is there any chance if I do a no-contact he could want to be with me again
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 11, 2016 at 8:31 am
Hi Chanel,
I know you’re not creepy but to a guy’s perspective, when you’ve only dated for three months and you go talking to his ex to fish information about him, and showing up at his door after him telling you he doesn’t want to talk to you is a very creepy move.. It screams desperation..
You have to really be independent first, and he has to see and think that you have really changed before he trusts that you won’t do those kind of things again..