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The Complete Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back
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i wanna ask for a suggestion may i ?
June 15, 2016 at 1:17 pm
wanna ask something
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 17, 2016 at 11:00 pm
sure what is it?
Eva
June 6, 2016 at 9:46 am
I broke up with my ex one year ago and three weeks ago i found this guy who swept me off my feet. We dated for the two weeks and it was fun i think i became overbearing and clingy and he said he was no longer intrested. I really love him and want him back. I really didnt give the best impression with him and i fear even if i follow the NC rule he wont want me back because i didnt give him enough reasons to see why im worth it. How can i start over again on a fresh slate with him or is it to late?
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 15, 2016 at 6:22 am
HI Eva,
which one are you referring to? your ex or the new guy?
Virginia
June 5, 2016 at 3:23 pm
Hi,
I am in an extremely strange situation. My boyfriend and I are in our late twenty’s, have been dating for almost 5 years (the first two years of our relationship was LD), and are not “officially” broken up yet, but he wants to breakup. The reason why we are not? First, I want to make it work..second, we have too many things scheduled in the next few months that we are required to attend together.. and three, his immediate sibling and husband is moving across the country to our town to be closer to “us.” The conversation was first brought up by him a month ago, suddenly. He claimed that he never got to experience what it was like to be “single” before we began dating, that he might not be ready to get married for awhile and that he needs space. He has only had 2 girlfriends, his ex and now me. He began his relationship with his ex in college and dated for maybe a year. A few months later, we began dating. While we have fought in our relationship (e.g., jealously, clingy, time-constraints, distance) – which typically was brought on by me, we always see eye to eye in every other aspect of the relationship. We have very similar interests and get along great. When he brought up the idea of breaking up, I asked him to wait .. because of all the “events” we will have to attend AND partly because I want to earn his trust back (that I will be less jealous and more trusting), he agreed to wait because of the events. I didn’t mention that I wanted to wait because I wanted to change for the better – and slowly let him recognize that I am bettering myself and my actions.
Anyway, since our breakup conversation (it’s been about a month) our interaction schedule is as follows: Monday – Friday we do not really text/talk/see each-other. Saturday & Sunday (obligations) we are normal and we both act as if we are in a relationship – with or without people around. There was a trip scheduled that we had to attend and for the 5 days that we were together we were intimate and both of us equally were happy to be with each other (unless he is a VERY good actor and is simply faking it to get his cake and eat it too) <– bad reference but it's what I am told he is doing, hah. Being that during the week he is cold, distant and kind of not a boyfriend, I take it that he might be over me and I should start moving on, however, his weekend interactions tell me that maybe there is "hope." After-all, like most people, I am hoping for the best! A good thing, we both are leaving this week to go on separate vacations. Me with a friend, he is going for a school/work related function. We haven't been able to do NC because we have to talk about the upcoming events that we are apart of, however, this week I have decided to try it out. When I come home, I will have to get picked up at the airport by him and his family as they will be just arriving to town and have no idea this has happened, and need our help moving in and they will obviously want to see both of us because we are VERY close. Being that we agreed to wait a few months to possibly breakup, what recommendations do you have? There is one last thing to note, during the week if I have ever asked him to do anything (because we have great interactions during our obligations and weekends together when no one is around, he typically responds to – I want alone time tonight or hanging out more is opposite of the deal we made. He is not seeing anyone, so that is not a concern, but I figured that should be noted.)
Juliet
July 7, 2016 at 4:36 pm
Hi ! I just felt like I wanted to speak to you since your story and circumstances are WAY similar to mine. For me is already 7 weeks since. Although not sure how to proceed since he doesn’t speak to me at all. How are you?
Virginia
June 18, 2016 at 8:36 pm
Currently broken up. He officially ended things when he was away because I attempted to make an online dating profile his friend saw, and informed him about it. When he did end things (via text) I was very calm about it and stated we should speak in person. I have not contacted him since we have both come back from our vacations or seen him. However, his parents and friends have reached out – they are upset about the situation. He still seems pretty confident in this decision. We haven’t gotten each others stuff back, yet.
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 15, 2016 at 5:27 am
Hi Virginia,
how are you now? actually you should do limited no contact..
Amanda
May 25, 2016 at 7:00 am
I have been dating this guy for just over a month. We fell for each other really fast and we both felt like we were perfect for each other- very comfortable, solid chemistry, similar interests, understanding of each other’s past. Well, a week ago we got into a small fight over something regarding communication but we worked through it and had a good night and next day together. A few days later I had a very insecure reaction to him not responding to my texts. I behaved irrationally and made myself look like a lunatic (I thought I had overcome my insecurities regarding infidelity but it resurfaced monstrously and to my own demise). He has a very high stress work and family life taking care of his father and stated that he didn’t want a relationship that was going to cause him more stress and pressure. He ended things with me and I truly just wish I could go back to that day and take a moment to breathe and react better. I obviously can’t but is there any way to fix things without further sacrificing the “independent woman” image that he fell for? I feel so ashamed and embarrassed for letting my irrational fears ruin something that I worked so hard to find.
Devastated
September 28, 2016 at 2:05 am
this is exactllyyyy my situation
I think the guy really did like you. But when the negative feelings started comming up. He became practical and thought it wasnt worth it
I have been in no contact for a month now. and I can see some difference he’s started to send me snaps (although he’s still blocked me from facebook) but I mean I think at this point its important to focus on making a better image of yourself on him (which is preety bad at this time)
everything else is up to him. But pushing him more in this stage will definately lower your chances. don’t do the same mistake that I did and show him your needy and desperateness. 🙁
Cassie
September 16, 2016 at 4:56 pm
Hi Amanda,
You situation sounds EXACTLY like mine! What happened? Did you start NC and did he ever contact you? I really want to know because this is what happened to me (except were dating longer) and he ended things because I didn’t like how long it took for him to reply and because I notice he was getting distant. Anyway, I hope this worked out well!!
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 27, 2016 at 10:26 am
Hi Amanda,
did you start with active no contact?
LadyD
May 9, 2016 at 5:05 am
Good-Day EBR crew.. Now I have been reading this site for awhile now. I am near to the end of my NC (22days) and during my relationship I was clingy (been working on that and other aspects). simply because I love him.. Anyway, when we broke up I also exhibit this type of behavior. However, this situation is quite different and as you always mention each relationship is unique. My ex have been experiencing a series of death within a year span. Around our ending his aunt die.. I was aware of this but everything he did was negative around me compare to the other deaths (which I was with him during these death.. at some point) that I became so miserable. And should I note that this is a long distance relationship of 3years and therefore I hardly see him. Finally I am with him.. everything seem great even though two weeks from the breakup another relative was put to rest.. again a series of death.. I don’t know what happened with him but everything I did was a bother.. ironing.. cleaning.. whatever was a bother… and things he said towards me were so negative.. I walk away from a lot of things and kept some things quit.. I didn’t know what to do.. One night before I depart from him I pull a paranoid trick on him.. Which could have very well be the reason for the break up because I over did it. Anyway, when he carried me to the airport he wanted to hug me but I told him not to.. when I got home I didn’t tell him that I got home until he text of course which was in like a pay back kind of situation (messed up there too).. he got angry and ended the relationship.. I must say I think he put some thought in it because he didn’t text me until 2days later (as he says I’m immature.. And I recently found that out). So what I’m saying.. I’m nervous.. And he’s stubborn.. So I don’t know what is going to happen.. Should I have given him so much time? How to I approach this situation? I have something important to tell him as well and I don’t think it’s something I can simply text..
LadyD
June 2, 2016 at 12:08 am
So my situation get stickier by the moment.. So I did what was told.. Follow through to all that I have read. Now after NC I was faced with the fact that I may be pregnant actually I had 2 PT saying that I am. So I text him telling I have something important to tell.. obviously that worked although he messaged me few days after the fact. Anyway, I told him and he claim that it was impossible.. me being a science major had to point out the possibilities in a text.. The text was short but considerate to take his side into account.. Anyway, he did not respond thereafter.. I went to do a blood test the day after the text to confirm the pregnancy so I text him the confirmation results (hcg too low to be pregnant (supposed false positives).. Will he text back? How long should I wait? (4days now since last message). I want him back but I don’t want him to think I was using it to get him back as I have heard of “girls” who have done this and I surely do not want to be classified with such individuals.
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 12, 2016 at 4:15 am
Hi Lady D,
you texted him that it was false positives so I don’t think he will think that ways.. Sorry for the late reply.. How are you now?
LadyD
May 16, 2016 at 3:30 pm
Apparently he changed his number.. What should I do now?
Jennifer Seiter
May 21, 2016 at 1:52 am
Hey LadyD, Do you have his facebook? Are you blocked? Also I think you should implement a 30 day no contact since you were a little over-whelming during the relationship. You have to show him that you really aren’t needy anymore. When you finally talk to him keep your conversations light and sweet. Try not to talk about anything negative.
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 9, 2016 at 12:00 pm
Hi Lady D,
if the series of deaths in his family, affected him emotionally, it’s more reason for you to give him space.. you said you have something very important to say? it depends on how important it is for you to say it during nc.. because for example, if there if you have something left over his place and you really need it, it’s ok to ask for it during nc but only talk about it.. don’t talk about feelings or the relationship
Heartbroken
May 5, 2016 at 8:56 pm
I was clingy because it was a long distance relationship, my first time in an ldr. I caused fights over him not texting me back quickly and it got to be too much for him, so he broke up with me. I wish I could explain to him that I was only clingy because I missed him, and I told him I’m willing to work on it but he says it’s not worth it. He doesn’t want to work on it and he told me I’m not the one. It hurts so bad because we used to be so in love and happy and suddenly it’s just over. He wants to be friends but I feel like I should give it some time. Also is him telling me I’m not the ‘one’ a definite sign that I’ll never get him back? Thank you.
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 8, 2016 at 8:10 am
Hi heartbroken,
it depends on when he said it.. but more likely he’s saying it because you keep pushing for him to go back with you.. instead of asking it, show him you’ve moved on.. in that way, when he knows you can stand on your own and you’re more mature, there’s a chance for a restart.. but also keep in mind, that when in ldr, you have to have money and time to see each other and a plan on when you’ll be together so that the relationship will work.
MC
May 2, 2016 at 5:00 pm
Today marks the week 3 of nc with my ex of 3 years. We were in an on & off again relationship becaus, simply put, I was needy, clingy, controlling while he has always been uncertain about me. The break up struck me as a surprise because a few months before that he was telling me how he’d marry me. You’d think that I would start realizing how “wrong” he was for me during this nc period. But all I can think about is how perfectly imperfect he is. I realize that I caused so much of the unnecessary drama in our past relationship. I guess all I’m looking for right now is some encouragement to keep on moving on.
Rose
May 28, 2016 at 7:57 pm
Hi, was wondering what happened. I have a very similar situation
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 4, 2016 at 8:15 am
Hi Mc
you said you were clingy, so that means you’re really doing the right thuming with nc.. bcause in order for you to learn not to be clingy anymore.. you have to be independent
Roserose24
April 29, 2016 at 2:35 pm
I started to be with this guy in January and things were pretty good at the beginning. After two weeks, I kind of started to move things fast and he pulled away. I behaved too needy and then he got annoyed. I stopped talking to him and a week back he texted me and then things became fine again. I was about to get divorced and he said we should give us a chance after my divorce. Though he doesn’t text or call much, whenever he meets me he was very affectionate and caring. I could really see love in his eyes in the initial two months. But I was kind of not able to accept the fact that he doesn’t call or talk for days. I went for my divorce and I came back. He was supposed to come and pick me at the airport. I kept on texting if things changed while I was away. He didn’t quite reply. HE didn’t come to pick me up as well. When I came back, I tried to meet him and he said he is busy. But I felt so insecure and I pushed him. He came to meet me and said things are all same and that he is busy. But that meeting was for 10 minutes. So since I was back, I texted him a couple of times asking if we could meet and complained to him for ignoring me. He didn’t meet me and then after a month finally after a lot of complaints, he met me. I cried, and I asked how can he not talk or text me for days continuously and that I am not expecting him to talk to me or text me everyday. He said he doesn’t believe in texting and that he will have more time for me once he moves to his new house, as I can’t visit him at his current place. HE will be online in dating apps and fb and when I asked about that, he said that is just time pass. I was even more insecure. I then stopped texting for a while and then he texted me one day saying he misses me. The next day I called him and he didn’t pick as usual, when I called him from an unknown number he picked. I got so furious and I texted him saying I don’t feel good when he tries to run away. he said he didn’t see the call and that he missed me and he would have picked up had he seen it. and then after two days, I texted him ‘are we still together?’ he replied saying ‘yes :)’. I replied saying I miss him and that I wanna be with him. he didn’t reply. I texted again saying this relation isn’t going anywhere and I am gonna end this if this is how he is planning to continue. I honestly expected him to say that he would be fine in some time and we can work things out. rather he replied saying, it is better that way and that he wont see me anymore and tc. When I asked if he really meant it eh said, he cant do this as he has too many things to worry about. I tried to tal to him and he said he doesn’t wanna talk and that he is tired of all these drama and that he wants time to be alone and be with himself. I called him multiple times texted him pleading not to leave me, which would have annoyed him even more seeing my multiple texts. Finally I sent him a sorry text saying how I realize I was needy and clingy and that I will give him his time to be with himself and things like that. I said if he thinks I can be mature and stop doing all drama he can talk to me. He hasn’t even read those texts. I can see him online in dating apps and FB and all that. But he doesn’t really wanna be with me. Is there a chance for him to come back?
Roserose24
May 2, 2016 at 1:41 pm
I feel I should move on, but at times I think that I ruined things as I did not give him his space and I was needy and clingy. Is there a chance that he would come back if I stop talking to him?
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 4, 2016 at 6:36 am
if it’s just stopping talking to him not really, it’s when you really start to move on and improve yourself that the guys most of the times thinks and reflects about his actions.
Roserose24
April 29, 2016 at 4:40 pm
I stopped talking to him and a week back he texted me and then things became fine again – just a correction, I meant ‘I stopped talking to him and he texted me a week later and then things became fine again.
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 1, 2016 at 11:32 am
Hi Roserose24,
after all that, you should be moving on from him.. build your confidence first.. don’t evr chase a guy.. don’t try to talk to him until you get to the point that you’re fine without and that you know how you should be treated and that you’re ready to walk away whenever you know you are not being treated well
Nic
April 27, 2016 at 1:34 am
Good evening,
I need some advice. I matched with a guy on a dating app, and we ended up meeting less than a week after. We spent about a month to five weeks talking, seeing each other on a number of occasions for dates and just hanging out, and I felt there was really something there between us that could have potentially turned into something later down the line. He started becoming more distant last week, and when I asked him about it, he said that I was too intense, he didn’t like it, I stressed him out, and he felt only a friendship was possible at that point. I know I displayed all of the signs in the article, but that didn’t become clear to me until it was too late. I expressed to him that I have been quite stressed out recently with life stuff, I didn’t realize how I was making him feel, apologized, and asked for an opportunity to fix things… this all came out in “text gnat” format. I didn’t hear back from him, and haven’t tried to contact him again since then (6 days ago). My questions are, is there a possibility to redeem myself and get another shot with him now that I understand what I did wrong and how to fix it? How much time is appropriate to give him space in this situation? How do I initiate contact with him again, ie text vs call, and what do I say? I should note he unmatched me on the dating app prior to the discussion of me being too intense, but hasn’t deleted me on Facebook, Instagram, or Snapchat… if that even means anything.
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 27, 2016 at 9:19 am
Hi Nic,
yeah, it went too fast.. Try 45 days of nc.. work on yourself and show that you’re moving on before trying to initiate contact so he will see that you’re just being friendly.
Cat
April 24, 2016 at 10:03 pm
Hi,
I was 3.5 years with my ex and he broke up with me 4 months ago. He said he just didn’t love me anymore the way he did before. We were on a long distance relationship since I moved to an other country to study there 2 years ago. He didn’t give any reason why he stopped loving me but I noticed I had given up my hobbies and friends during the last year while he came to live 4 months with me. Now I started to do my hobbies again and made new friends. We still talk about once a week. What should I do to ?
Cat
April 26, 2016 at 8:16 pm
Should I let him know I noticed that I had been doing less the last months we were together and that now I have plenty of activities again?
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 27, 2016 at 8:41 am
do you mean as in tell him? Nope, let your actions, posts do show that to him.
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 26, 2016 at 5:51 pm
Hi Cat,
If you’re still long distance, you have to consider time and money if ever you get back together and a plan on when you’ll be together. Can you rebuild rapport through text? that will lead to calls and meet ups later on? And also continue to strive to be the ungettable girl by continuing your activities to improve yourself?
Anon
April 15, 2016 at 9:58 am
Hi, I need some advice.
I’d been dating a guy for a few months and I had very strong feelings. He told me he had decided to move away in a years time and something flipped in me and I kept demanding we sit and work out what we were going to do.
After than we had lots of arguments and I felt so awful I kept on calling and texting to the point he would block me on and off. He’d been really aloof after that even though we carried on and tried to get past it.
At the end we were meeting up after not seeing eachother for a few weeks, and then he cancelled last minute to go see his ex as the pet they got together was sick.. I went mad and went full clingy and now he’s ended it.
Since then I’ve been persistently trying to change his mind, over texted and phoned him etc. We tried to be friends but I keep changing whether I can or can’t, now he’s called me obsessive and freaky and said I’m “just full of crazy” .. I got angry at that and ended up blocking him to stop myself responding and making it worse. Is there any hope we can sort it when it’s got to this level ?
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 18, 2016 at 3:04 am
Hi Anon,
YOu can try.. If he sees you have your own life, then maybe he would be open to be friends again.
Anna
April 4, 2016 at 3:08 pm
Hey Amor,
Hope you can answer a quick question. I love this site since it applies to the mind set of men in all stages not just exs. So, I have been talking to this guy and found myself in text gnat mode, which I think irritated him but since we are just talking how long to I follow NC?
Anna
April 5, 2016 at 3:26 pm
Yeah, it was. We had actually went out a few times and have known each other for about 9 months through a group we are both involved with.
(Back story) He is ending a divorce and I felt like he was moving faster than I would like (he would talk long term future) if I didn’t reciprocate he would become offended.
I decided to ask for more date time, since the idea of long term seemed ludicrous at this point. (I don’t know that I know he well enough to agree to moving in). However, I made the mistake of continuously asking (serval times a day for about 2 days)…and he finally said “he has a busy schedule and “if this is the way [im] going to be, then this isn’t going to work.” I have tried to reach out, since other than being a gnat, I’m not really sure what I did, but he is ignoring me.
I get the idea that it’s not me, it’s him idea, but it’s an unresolved situation… So I need to get him talking so I can feel like it’s all complete.
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 8, 2016 at 9:39 am
If you went out that’s a good sign.. take it slow, try to do the texting now instead of nc.. talk about interesting topics just take it slower than last time so he doesn’t get irritated again.
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 5, 2016 at 5:45 am
Hi Anna,
you said you were just talking? is it positive?
Anon
March 31, 2016 at 10:17 am
Hi,
I need some serious help here!
Me and my boyfriend were not together for that long, about 4 months ish, and I didn’t really realize but I was clingy. We used to talk on the phone most days (he usually called me), we texted every day but only a little bit and i saw him about 3 times a week for a couple of hours. He seemed perfectly happy, and i was very happy too but sometimes people warned us that we would burn out if we talked too much. We didn’t listen.
I had to go away to Wales for my Gold D of E and I thought that just in case we were to full on, it would make him miss me. It seemed fine, i couldnt text very much or call at all and he kept telling me he loved and missed me when i did hear from him. When I got back i waited for him to ask me to meet up and he did. However, on the day we were supposed to be meeting he changed his mind and didnt contact me all day. This is where I messed up.. I tried calling and facebooking him but he didn’t answer so i got annoyed and acted stupidly clingy. When i did hear from him on the phone it lead to an argument and i wasnt very nice to him which i deeply regret. He then started being not very nice back and told me that while i was away he decided that our relationship had burnt out, we had moved too fast, it was too much etc. He didnt want to see me anymore. I dint get upset or beg him i just left it like that, andi said we cant stay friends which upset him. Our friends said that he hasnt thought this through, and without him knowing theyve talked to me they tried to change his mind. Didnt work and we havent talked since since we split (NC). However, my friends talked me into phoning him after only 2 days and he didnt pick up but i worried that i shouldnt have called in the first place coz now i look even clingier. I really want him back but i dont know what to do??
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 3, 2016 at 11:03 am
Hi Anon,
How many days have you broken up?
Clovers
March 30, 2016 at 3:19 pm
First of all, I love your site, it got me through my last breakup!
I’m in a unique situation right now. My bf of two years and I aren’t exactly broken up. Things were good but I was definitely pretty clingy for the last couple months. I got really jealous of his friend and was always asking for reassurance. He gave me a lot of attention for two months but then couldn’t do it anymore because it was never enough and wanted to break up. He said he felt really tense around me and wasn’t sure if we were compatible because I need more attention than he can give. We agreed to try a short break.
After a couple days NC, we started texting again. He initiates most of the texts. I try not to bother him because I know he thought I was clingy/jealous/needy. After a week, I asked him to meet up last minute after work. He legitimately has a work event and can’t make it. Should I try again or let him initiate? What if he doesn’t initiate in the next week? I don’t want to be stuck in limbo forever.
Clovers
April 7, 2016 at 2:51 pm
Hi Amor, thanks for the response.
OK, I tried again… I asked him to have dinner.. he didn’t respond. A couple days later I texted him again and he responded pretty a lot and we chatted pretty pleasantly… couple days later, I texted again and now he has gone cold again with no response. Help!
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 9, 2016 at 3:52 am
give it rest, how long has been texting?
Clovers
March 30, 2016 at 3:21 pm
Also, in the texts I was building attraction and we were joking like we used to. It was going well which is why I initiated the meet up
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 3, 2016 at 8:35 am
Hi Clovers,
You can try again, since he really has work that day, you really didn’t get rejected.
Sarah
March 28, 2016 at 7:23 pm
Long story short, I acted clingy with my ex. We were together for 5 years. We’ve been broken up for almost two months now. I struggled and failed at no contact. I would make it a week or a week and a half and then give in, or he would contact me, etc. I went to his house a couple times when I shouldn’t have, we slept together, we had dinner a few weeks ago, it’s been a mess. Throughout all of this he just kept saying he needed “time”, “distance”, etc. He was open to giving it another try just not yet, etc. He said he had doubts I was the right person. Well two weeks ago, (after having been on good terms) I found out that he had a girl over to his house two weeks after we broke up and had created a bunch of online dating profiles. We also slept together two weeks after we broke up, and since we were best friends and still on good terms at that point we talked about our dating life. He told me he wasn’t seeing anyone, looking for anyone, just needed to be alone, etc. He asked me the same questions. This continued the first month of being broken up. So to find out two weeks ago that he had lied to my face, told me he was still in love me, and hidde that he had a woman over to his house after we had just broken up (we’d been together for 5 years!), i freaked out. I called him and confronted him about the dating apps because while I know we aren’t together, I felt incredibly disrespected, especially after being together so long. He tried to tell me it was just to “meet” new people and talk and then yelled at me saying he needed distance and space. I was just hurt because it seemed so soon and to have just told me within that week he was still in love with me and still wanted to try, I freaked out. It was later that evening I found out through a mutual friend about the woman coming to his house weeks prior to that and finding out he had lied to my face and basically lead me on. So I freaked out again. I sent him the angriest, and nastiest text I have ever sent him in our 5 years of dating. I basically told him he was a lying piece of crap, told him I knew everything that he had hid from me, and that he had lost me (in a nutshell). I then went an deleted him off of all forms of social media. I just felt incredibly betrayed. I knew we would probably date at some point but it seemed so soon, and to hide it while still trying to keep the door open with me, I snapped. It’s been two weeks, and I have stuck to no contact now because it seems there is nothing left.
My question is now, was I justified in being angry? I told him he’d lost me in hopes that he might really feel I was serious. It just broke my heart. How after so much time together do you just invite someone over that quickly while still leading someone on? Will no contact do any good? Will he reach out even though I freaaaaaked out on him? I know I shouldn’t care what he does because he lied to my face, but at some point I do want to talk to him, but I feel I can’t be the one to initiate any of it because I told him I was done and he’d lost me. Does he care?
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 3, 2016 at 4:52 am
Hi Sarah,
it’s better if you do no contact to have a break from all of this and to reflect too.. Heal first before deciding anything.
Olivia
March 25, 2016 at 4:58 pm
Hi,
My BF and I had dated for 9 months. During the first 7 months everything was great. The last 2 months he started to get distant from me, I confronted him about his distance to which he said “I have a lot going on. This is how I deal with stress.” I know I should have given him space but the next day I sent him a text to see if he wanted to hang out, he replied “not tonight, I just want to be alone.” This worried me so I sent him another long text saying how much I cared about him and how he is worrying me, is this relationship still something that he wants, etc. He just responded that he is stressed so I let him be. The rest of the month we would just meet up for dinner but it was awkward. Finally, he broke it off saying that he felt the relationship hastatus felt forced lately and that he felt it was his fault. Iknow there weren’t any other females involved. Post break up, I did EVERYTHING wrong. I called him, texted him, asked to start over, asked for my things back in hopes of seeing him, i swung by his place, etc. This is something that I NEVER do. He texted me back saying “if there was an inkling of a chance that we could have rekindledone our relationship this just killed it.” I apologized for my actions and told him this is something I have never done before and that I acted poorly. He has not reached out to me since, and I get it. I have stopped contacted him for a month now. Do you think it’s okay to reach out to him first after NC? I do believe that no situation is hopeless and he is extremely stubborn!
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 2, 2016 at 1:40 pm
HI,
Sorry for the late reply.. Yes, that’s ok. Have you contacted him?
Margaret
March 24, 2016 at 11:39 pm
Hello! My boyfriend and I were together for 2 years and 4 months. But he broke up with me roughly 2 weeks ago. I feel so lost!
I care so much about him. But he won’t even talk to me now. I have severe anxiety and started getting medicine for it. However my anxiety stressed him out and I realized I was really clingy! I never saw it before. But now I do. I want to prove it to him that we should have a chance again, but how?
He won’t even talk to me now. I try to refrain from contacting him, but I’m so used to it. He was really sweet when we first,broke up still. But now he won’t even reply to me.
What do I do to win him back?
Margaret
April 9, 2016 at 6:07 pm
I am working on myself. I’ve already gotten so much better. I have a ways to go But… I really love him and never meant to put it on him.
Any tips besides no contact?
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 10, 2016 at 8:37 am
That’s good! That’s all.. Just focus on you for now.. 🙂
Margaret
April 6, 2016 at 11:18 pm
I’ve tried. I can’t say I’ve done well with it. I feel like it makes it worse. Like he will forget I exist. We talk, but it’s minimal usually.
He’s somewhat more friendly now, casual conversation…
What now? I completely fail at no contact! Help!
My anxiety does not help. That’s why he broke up with me in the first place.
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 9, 2016 at 1:49 am
then you really have to address that first because if the same problem exists, the relationship will not progress..you’re the only one who can help yourself.. so put yourself first.. You can’t make him the solution to your anxiety because we can’t control other people.. They are supposed to be just an addition to our lives.. as much as possible to help but not as a crotch.. So, put him aside for now.. Be his friend if you want but be productive in helping yourself become independent so you can really love others
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 2, 2016 at 12:09 pm
HI Margaret,
Are you doing no contact now?
Lexi
March 22, 2016 at 10:05 pm
hi. so I started seeing this guy 5 months ago, everything happened quite fast and one month into dating we talked about mutual commitment issues, both were afraid to commit, having been hurt in the past and been single for a few years. and about 2 months in, he started introducing me as his girlfriend, so I assumed things were official-ish. we talked every day, hung out like twice a week, maybe three times, had a sleepover maybe once a week or so, and like a month, maybe a month and a half ago I felt he was suddenly being distant. he was stressed with school and work so I kept telling myself it was because of that, I think at one point he even hinted to me that he needs space, he said something along the lines of “I want to take a break from everything for a few weeks, just go where there are no people” and I didn’t take the hint. I dunno, in my mind I suppose I was feeling he was being distant and even though he said it was work stress, I stressed about it being about me and every time he pulled away, I foolishly pushed back, thinking that if we hung out or talked I could like… examine his reactions I suppose, to understand how he feels and if things are indeed about me. all it did was leave me with more questions and drove him further away. I don’t know why I didn’t just initiate a conversation about it, I think I was afraid of the answer so I tried “finding out on my own” if you will, and it completely backfired. I think why I was confused was because every day, he would initiate conversation and he would still invite me out on dates and hold my hand and stuff, it’s just that he was being emotionally distant, talking more interpersonally and stuff + having more boys nights. Drunk me obviously had to call him when he was out with the boys and be a dramaqueen and when I tried to apologize the next day, every time it was “no, it’s ok, you were drunk.” No, it was not ok and he like… never let me actually apologize, making the problem seem like less than it was and thus it happened again, and again, it was not a problem, I was drunk. I didn’t call to… check up on him or something, I called because I was at a different party and something really fun happened or something and I really wanted to tell him and since I was inebriated and lacked self control, I had to tell him immediately, instead of waiting until he actually asks how my weekend was or something.
basically, I wasn’t neurotic-clingy like the clingyness explained in the article, but I was clingy enough.
Having been the smothered one in past relationships, I completely understand how he must have felt. I never thought I’d be the smotheree, but here we are, I finally understand how my past boyfriends must have felt when I was distant and aloof, but I moreso understand how horrible and stuck I must have made him feel, unfortunately I am realizing this a little too late. I understood we had some serious communication issues and a week ago I asked him to meet me so we could talk. He broke it off, saying he wants me to be happy, but he can’t be the one to make me happy (which is ridiculous, I was happy before I met him and ever happier after that) and that it’s because of his commitment issues, that at the beginning he felt free in the relationship and at one point no longer did, and “it’s not you, it’s me.” I stayed calm and collected throughout the breakup, as I am a calm and collected person IRL, unless I am drunk as fuck and some inner dramaqueen gets released (I realize that is something I need to work on :D) and I suppose I was expecting the breakup. ANYWAY, this past week I have done some serious thinking of all that went down and also some serious soul-searching, and I realize that how I acted was wrong, so so wrong, I should have given him the space he needed, and I am from the bottom of my heart, so fucking sorry for that, I dunno, I think the emotions overwhelmed me and I didn’t know how to react…. Idunno… I just really regret being the way that I was. What I want to know is, I really want to apologize to him… Should I even apologize? is a week a long enough wait? since I was being clingy, I don’t want him to feel like now that the relationship is over, that I am still not giving him space. Of course I would like to try again and want him back, but I’m afraid now it’s too late, so that is not the goal of the apology. I just want to apologize, because now I realize how I acted was wrong and no-one should be made feel that way, I just want him to know that I am sorry, I don’t even expect him to forgive him, but I feel like I need to clear the air, as we live in quite a small town, have A LOT of mutual friends and frequent the same bars/clubs/events. Probably a little bit selfish on my part, as I feel like if I don’t let him know that I understand and it’s ok, it was my fault, that things would be awkward or something and I’d be afraid to go out in the fear of running into him, but I can’t stop living my life and isolate myself because I might run into an ex, you know? But mostly i just want him to know I’m sorry… I dunno… is apologizing the right thing in this case(I would be apologizing through an online letter, unless I run into him)? should I just let it go? if I were to apologize, is a week a long enough wait? should I wait longer? I really don’t want to make him feel like I am still smothering him 😀
jesus, I never thought one could develop such intense feelings in the span of a few months. I hope I get over it just as fast, although highly doubt it.
anyway, I hope I got my point across and any insight would be appreciated.
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 31, 2016 at 1:12 pm
Hi Lexi,
Send a one last apology for your peace of mind.. just don’t over apologize.. Get straight to the point and make it as short and casual as you can
Kimberly
March 19, 2016 at 2:03 pm
My ex dumped me becoz I acted clingy.
When he did not reply my texts for 1.5 week I called once n
texted 3 times (asking if he is ok n i miss him n i was worried).
When he started to chat with me then he said he is mentally and physically tired
and decided he could not be with me. I responsed him calmly that I respect his decision.
But I felt like killing myself n open up to a common friend. Seems that friend told him about how devastated I felt then my ex called/texted saying He was worried. I told him I was ok.
Now I did not go online at Facebook for couple days and did not reply my ex’s message (he texted me saying please take care when he saw that I am not online for days). I am not doing on purpose and just feel lonely to go online and not able to chat with him.
From this point Can I redeem myself back? I should’ve given some space to him at the beginning.
To redeem myself should I apologize that i should give him space while he wasn’t replying my texts?
or how do I start? should I go online n just reply I am ok n not to worry or please give me suggestion.
I still love him and I do not want to lose him.
thank you so much.
btw we r long distance n fb messenger is our main contact point.
Kimberly
March 21, 2016 at 3:08 pm
thank you so much.
Kimberly
March 20, 2016 at 1:17 pm
Thank you so much.
1) I still feel that I don’t want to talk to anyone so I will reply him tomorrow. I will tell him ‘I will be ok’
2) When i go back to my country next month, should I contact him? Like I m back in town lets meet up etc. Or how should I approach him?
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 21, 2016 at 4:30 am
Okay.. take your time 🙂 Yes, you could meet up, especially if you have already started texting and calling at that time.. that’s a good approach because it sounds casual and natural
Kimberly
March 20, 2016 at 9:26 am
Thanks Amor.
1) Yesterday he texted me two times saying he us worried and one email this morning ( coz he knows i am suicidal due to his rejection n living alone abroad). I cut off contacts from everyone even my parents not only him. Is the NC rule is still a good idea?
2) Another background here: when he dumped me He said he found out that he could not love me. When we reunion, he was 2 month out of his 4 year relationship. And we start our relationship 5 months after his last break up. He never mentioned his ex but he said he was afraid to fall in love again after going through the break ups in his past. But my feeling is real for him and I took one day at a time.
Now I think about it, it seems I am just his rebound girlfriend.
Do I still have a chance tho he told me he couldn’t love me. Would you please suggest what should I do?
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 20, 2016 at 10:29 am
Hi Kimberly,
You’re welcome..Though he is contacting you, it’s just because he’s worried you will do smthng bad to yourself.. So assure him you won’t coz you don’t want him just talking because of pity.. and don’t cut off your parents .you need them for support..
if he’s afraid that means you have to have a strong frienship foundation first before gettig back together
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 20, 2016 at 7:05 am
Hi Kimberly,
He did not reply for more than a week while you are still together? You’re not clingy if you were worried because of that.. If you want and if you haven’t replied to him..you can continue that to nc because it seems to be working on him
Kimberly
March 19, 2016 at 2:28 pm
extra info: We were friends before and reunion after 10 years.Getting into a relationship for 6 months and we met again last December. But I have to go abroad because of my job and we are in LDR now. But I will return back home end of April. Prior to his ignoring my texts we chatted every single night n talk on phone once a while.
Please help me what should I do to get him back. Thanks so much in advance
LL
March 16, 2016 at 11:29 am
My boyfriend (or ex?) hates cuddling and any form of physical affection. His way of showing love is by treating me like a pet and playing aggressively (like I’m a dude). First he wanted me to go with him everywhere, but never on dates or anything, just follow him on his daily activities now he never wants me around and things have been escalating. First I had to leave the bed before him in the morning, then I shouldn’t wait for him to eat breakfast (but I should cook it for him), then I shouldn’t go with him anywhere (because it didn’t make sense to him – sure I said that so many times), then I shouldn’t expect him to stay at the table after he finishes dinner (always waaay before me). I go to bed earlier than him, because I don’t like to be on the couch all night – so he’s alone there. Still he complained that I was always with him. So I decided to go back to my house and visit him sometimes. Now, I see him 2 to 3 days a week, I cook dinner, he now waits for me to finish eating…but makes me know that he’s waiting and complaining about it; I sit on the couch for one hour, he wants me to scratch his head so he falls asleep, I go to bed. In the morning, no cuddling or kisses, nor even a “good morning”. I get up ASAP and leave the room. Cook him breakfast. Eat alone. If he has stuff to do he goes alone and I go home or whatever. At night I cook dinner and feel stupid. So I asked him for cuddling or a kiss – because I wanted to feel the warmth of a relationship, to feel appreciated instead of a hard job and a constant battle, to feel like a woman instead of a pet – and he snapped that I am too clingy and he can’t take it anymore. I left. I didn’t know what else to do to be more away from him. He doesn’t want to break up, but doesn’t want to feel smothered and already offered to bring all my stuff (I read it as he wants to break up). So I was thinking if I’m really that clingy/his shadow or this guy has a problem. What do you think? (my previous ex-(long term) complained that I wasn’t affectionate enough, this says I’m too clingy…)
LL
March 24, 2016 at 12:21 pm
That’s what I thought…
Thank you
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 16, 2016 at 10:29 pm
Hi LL,
He clearly has a problem..He’s treating you like a servant, not a pet.