Everyone is always looking for the secret to getting their exes back when they come to Ex Boyfriend Recovery. Well, our latest success story, Lauren, may have found it. In today’s interview I sit down with her and quiz her about everything she did to successfully get her ex back.

But what struck me wasn’t so much about what she did to get him back but rather how she looked at the entire process.

So, without further ado I’d like to introduce you to Lauren, our latest Ex Recovery Program success story.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

Take the quiz

Learn Exactly How Lauren Got Her Ex Back

Chris Seiter:
All right. So today we’re going to be talking to Lauren, who is one of our success stories that we had from our private Facebook group. And I can’t claim her success. She coached with coach Anna. So I think Anna kind of rightfully gets some credit, but Lauren’s the one who did most of the work. So basically were just going to be sitting down with her and talking to her about what she did that was successful in getting her ex back. How are you doing Lauren?

Lauren:
I’m good.

Chris Seiter:
Take me back to the beginning, back before the breakup or as the breakup’s happening. Let’s walk through your situation.

Lauren:
Okay. So right before the breakup, he moved back from Nashville. He was doing an internship there, so we had a long distance relationship for about a year. He moved back to be with me and his family and right when that happened, his dad dropped the news on them like, Hey, I’m getting married, and I’m-

Chris Seiter:
So his dad was…

Lauren:
…going to be-

Chris Seiter:
…was single at the time?

Lauren:
Yeah.

Chris Seiter:
Okay.

Lauren:
Yeah. He said, “I’m getting married and I’m going to be moving out in October.” They lived together.

Chris Seiter:
Your boyfriend is basically getting kicked out. Is that kind of the thing?

Lauren:
Yeah.

Chris Seiter:
Okay.

Lauren:
Yeah. His dad gave him until May of this year to either buy the house or he would have to find an apartment.

Chris Seiter:
How old is your boyfriend at this time?

Lauren:
He is 25.

Chris Seiter:
Okay. So at 25 being told that you have to buy a house or get your own apartment kind of…

Lauren:
I know.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

Take the quiz

Chris Seiter:
Yeah. That’s kind of a lot for a 25 year old kid.

Lauren:
Yeah. That really stressed him out and he took a job that he didn’t really like, and it was burning him out. The news of his dad leaving and not liking his job, that stressed him out so much that he kind of fell into a depression. He kept telling me, “Oh, I’m so depressed. I don’t even know who I am anymore. I don’t know what to do.” Until one day it all came to a head and he came home from work and he felt like a different person.

Chris Seiter:
When he would say these things to you, were you still long distance or was he close by?

Lauren:
He was close by. He lived about 30 minutes away from me.

Chris Seiter:
Okay. So when he would say these things to you, like “I’m depressed” or “I’m sad”, what was your typical response to that?

Lauren:
I was really supportive and understanding. I was like, We can get through this together. I can help. I can help you either buy the house or we can move into an apartment together.

Chris Seiter:
Nice.

Lauren:
Yeah.

Chris Seiter:
So you were basically being the perfect girlfriend to him.

Lauren:
Yeah.

Chris Seiter:
I’m assuming that kind of made him push you away a little bit further?

Lauren:
It seemed so. Yeah.

Chris Seiter:
Okay. So how does this breakup go down? You’ve set the stage of okay, he’s really sad and depressed because of his dad and all this pressure that he’s putting on himself, but also the dad’s putting on him. You’re being seemingly perfect, but it seems like he’s got some sort of an avoidant tendencies, so he’s kind of avoiding that. When does it come to a head?

Lauren:
He came home from work one night and I was there and I had made him dinner.

Chris Seiter:
Wow, you’re being awesome!

Lauren:
Yeah!

Chris Seiter:
And he broke up with you after you made him dinner?

Lauren:
I know, yeah.

Chris Seiter:
That’s cold!

Lauren:
Yes.

Chris Seiter:
Did he eat the dinner first before he broke up with you?

Lauren:
Well, we ate dinner and he was being really distant.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

Take the quiz

Chris Seiter:
Oh, so you’re like, Hey, what’s up? What’s wrong? You can tell something is up.

Lauren:
Yeah, we actually went to bed and I woke up the next day and he had to go to work. So I went home and I just had this terrible feeling. So I asked him, “Hey, are we okay? I feel weird.”

Chris Seiter:
Your intuition kicked in.

Lauren:
Oh yeah. Big time.

Chris Seiter:
Okay. So you basically forced the issue to him. You say, are we okay? And I’m assuming you did not get a favorable answer?

Lauren:
No, he wrote me a novel after that.

Chris Seiter:
A text novel?

Lauren:
Yes. He texted me. He broke up with me over text.

Chris Seiter:
What did it say? Can you… You don’t have to go through the whole thing, but just give us the gist.

Lauren:
So the gist was… He just reiterated everything. He’s like, I’m so stressed out. I’m so burnt out. I don’t know who I am anymore. I still love you, but it feels different. Just a really, really long way of saying it’s not, you it’s me.

Chris Seiter:
To me, it sounds a lot like the avoidant tendencies. Typically, speaking with avoidance, anytime they feel like their independence is getting threatened, they tend to like blow things up or go away.

Lauren:
Yeah.

Chris Seiter:
And I’m wondering where you… I’m getting off topic here, so you’ll have to pop us back on. But I’m wondering at the time, right around this breakup, were you really pushing…. Because I think in your mind, you’re like, hey, let’s work together. We can fix this together. We’re a team. Let’s get our own apartment together. Were you kind of pushing that route a lot?

Lauren:
Yeah.

Chris Seiter:
Okay.

Lauren:
I was communicating with them him like, Hey, I really want to… I know you want to buy the house, so let’s do that. I was wanting to redecorate and stuff.

Chris Seiter:
You didn’t do anything wrong, I’m just trying to look at it from his perspective of why he all of a sudden… It kind of does seem a little out of the blue. I mean, not technically, but you seem you’re hitting all the right notes as a girlfriend, so what the heck is up?

Lauren:
I know.

Chris Seiter:
I think it’s because he started to feel like that independence is getting taken away from him.

Lauren:
Yeah.

Chris Seiter:
Obviously you break up, right? There’s a break-up text that goes down. What’s your first reaction?

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

Take the quiz

Lauren:
My first reaction… I remembered the program, like as this was happening.

Chris Seiter:
So you didn’t try to call and beg for him back or anything like that?

Lauren:
No, I was really understanding.

Chris Seiter:
That’s amazing.

Lauren:
Yeah. I didn’t get mad anything, or beg.

Chris Seiter:
That’s amazing. That’s really good. That’s a great starting point. So you remember the program. You said before we had started recording that you had used this program a couple of years ago for someone else. Like four years ago or something like that, and you kind of get back into it and you realize things have changed a little bit in how we operate since then.

Lauren:
Yeah.

Chris Seiter:
Did you buy the program? Like the new version?

Lauren:
Yeah. I bought the new version of it.

Chris Seiter:
And then you get into the Facebook group and then eventually… Well, I don’t want to skip ahead because I know you got in with coach Anna, but you started a no contact rule… At least in your write-up in the Facebook group, your success story write-up, you said it was a 45 day, no contact rule. What was the thinking behind doing the 45 day rule?

Lauren:
Well, I took the assessment and since there was kind of like a mental health issue there, I chose 45 days.

Chris Seiter:
Yeah. So what’s interesting, just between you and me, Lauren, I’ve noticed a lot more people who have longer periods of no contact are ending up in these success stories. So I kind of think that’s an important thing, when you just start reiterating more. But most people don’t want to hear that because no contact is hard to get through. Did you fail no contact at all when you tried it?

Lauren:
Yes. I failed it three days in.

Chris Seiter:
Okay. That’s pretty common. That’s very common. What happened to make that occur?

Lauren:
Well, I was pretty emotional, so I deleted all of our pictures on Instagram and then I noticed that he unfollowed me. So I was like, Oh no, what have I done? So I texted him. I was like, I’m so sorry for deleting all of our pictures.

Chris Seiter:
That’s great.

Lauren:
I don’t resent you or anything.

Chris Seiter:
Did he respond to that? Or was it just kind of nothing?

Lauren:
Yeah, he responded immediately and he was like, Oh yeah, don’t worry. I’m fine. Stuff like that.

Chris Seiter:
So you’ve got a long trek ahead of you, 45 days. How did you spend that time?

Lauren:
Well, I immediately went into therapy because-

Chris Seiter:
Okay. That’s a great decision.

Lauren:
…I didn’t want to deal with the breakup by myself, and I felt like I needed somebody to talk to, especially a professional. So yeah, therapy. I started working out and doing yoga.

Chris Seiter:
So mostly you’re working kind of the therapy angle, you’re working the physical angle. What about… Because I’m kind of hinting at the Trinity concept.

Lauren:
Yeah.

Chris Seiter:
What about work-wise? Because if correct me if I’m wrong, this breakup occurred in December, 2020, right?

Lauren:
Yes.

Chris Seiter:
So this is going on during the height of the pandemic or… I mean, I guess we’re still in the height of the pandemic technically. How was your career type prospects at this time? Did you make any headway on that during the no-contact period?

Lauren:
Well, right as the breakup happened, it was the off season.

Chris Seiter:
Okay.

Lauren:
I work in a country club, so the golf season had just ended. So I wasn’t working.

Chris Seiter:
So you get extra time to kind of sit and stew in your thoughts essentially.

Lauren:
Yes.

Chris Seiter:
But you seem to handle it really well. So the most pressing question I guess I would ask is you eventually… You said towards the end of no contact, you ended up booking a session with Anna and you started working on preparing exactly how you’re going to be talking to your ex.

Lauren:
Yes.

Chris Seiter:
What were some of the big insights you got from that session?

Lauren:
Well, I really blamed myself for the breakup. I thought it was my fault, but, Anna really helped me… Like talked me through it and made me realize that it wasn’t my fault. One of the things that she told me was he didn’t have to break up with you. He broke up with you because he was sad. You did nothing wrong.

Chris Seiter:
Well, I mean, basically when you were explaining it to me, it sounded like you were being a pretty good girlfriend. You were supportive, you were willing to forego your own happiness or comfortability to try to get into an… I don’t know what your financial situation is, but it seemed like you were willing to put your whole heart into the thing and he just kind of ran away. I mean, it’s funny. So by the end of no contact, had you gotten over that belief that the breakup was your fault?

Lauren:
Mm-hmm (affirmative). Yeah. My therapist really helped with that too.

Chris Seiter:
So you’re talking… And I think this is a really good indicator for people who are struggling. Sometimes it is good to talk to a professional, because there’s a lot of self-doubt and blame that goes on after a breakup, even when it’s not your fault. So let’s get to the fun stuff. How did you get him back after the no contact rule? What was your approach?

Lauren:
Okay, so I ended the no contact and I sent my first texts out and it was about his interests. He likes video games and music and stuff like that. So the texting phase was basically about that and I got really positive results. He texted back immediately.

Chris Seiter:
So you basically kept it based on his interests.

Lauren:
Yeah.

Chris Seiter:
Which are video games.

Lauren:
Video games, yeah.

Chris Seiter:
Did you know anything about video games when you texted him then?

Lauren:
Mm-hmm (affirmative). Yeah, I did.

Chris Seiter:
So did you like play video games with him?

Lauren:
No. We never got around to that because we’re both very busy.

Chris Seiter:
Can you give us an example of a video text that you used? I mean, it doesn’t have to be exactly but…

Lauren:
Okay.

Chris Seiter:
Just give people kind of a frame of reference.

Lauren:
Yeah. So at the breakup, it was right before Christmas, so we exchanged Christmas gifts and he got me a video game controller.

Chris Seiter:
Well, you can’t leave me hanging. For what system?

Lauren:
PS4 but I hooked it up to my PC.

Chris Seiter:
Okay. So you played… You kind of found a way to hook it up to your computer.

Lauren:
Yeah. So my text was… I said, “Guess what I just did.” and he was like, what did you do? So I sent him a picture-

Chris Seiter:
Nice. That’s great.

Lauren:
…of the controller and I was like, I just set up your Christmas present for me. And yeah, we just went from there.

Chris Seiter:
So did a full blown conversation occur or was it just kind of like a quick back and forth, and then the conversation ended after you sent that text?

Lauren:
Yeah, it was a quick back and forth. I asked him what video games should I play over Steam, and he gave me his Steam password.

Chris Seiter:
So you get them for free.

Lauren:
Yeah, yeah. So I had access to all the games that he was playing.

Chris Seiter:
That’s a big deal that he gave you the Steam password though.

Lauren:
Mm-hmm (affirmative). Yeah.

Chris Seiter:
Because it kind of like connects him further in, but I noticed in your write-up you said you were texting him for like two and a half months building that value up. Can you take us a little bit through your experience or at least how you approached it for anyone… Because I think the texting in that building value phases is maybe harder than no contact in and of itself.

Lauren:
Yeah, it was…

Chris Seiter:
Yeah, yeah. So go ahead.

Lauren:
It was really hard. It was really nerve-racking too. Looking back, I don’t know why it was so nerve-racking. I guess I didn’t feel worthy of getting him back for some reason, but you know, I was working on that with my therapist. So when it got too much for me, I would take like a mini no contact of like two weeks just to get emotional control again and like hop right back into it.

Chris Seiter:
So for you, you think the key was getting that emotional control and having it throughout the entire… But as far as the actual conversations go, was it… Did you ever have any trouble getting into conversations with him? Was there ever a time where you would text and he wouldn’t respond or situations like that?

Lauren:
No, he would always respond immediately. I would use hooks very early on, but then after my session with coach Anna, she said, “If you are 95% positive he’s going to respond, you don’t have to use a hook.” So I would just text him and be like, Hey, what’s up? How are you doing?

Chris Seiter:
Yeah. I mean, it sounds like you actually had someone who was very engaged. The fact that they’re willing to just sort of like get into conversations. What were the types of conversations that you were having with him?

Lauren:
I would always bring up a topic of interest first. He’s a musician, so he has a couple of music projects that he’s working on. So I would be like, Hey, how is the album coming? Or something like that.

Chris Seiter:
And would he always be super engaged after-

Lauren:
Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Chris Seiter:
Okay. Was there ever a time that he took the initiative and asked you about something that he wasn’t interested in, but you were interested in?

Lauren:
There was a few times that he actually reached out to me first. Like, for example, he told me like, Hey, here’s a place that you can get your COVID vaccine.

Chris Seiter:
Okay. Right. So okay, that’s kind of important. I guess that’s technically not something that you’re like, gung-ho… Like if you’re like, a ballet person. But hey, it shows that he cares which in and of itself is probably the point. At what point do you start moving or building up enough… You’re feeling like you’ve got enough value built up with him that you advanced to kind of that meetup phase?

Lauren:
Let’s see. Right at the end of the two and a half months of the texting phase, I was like, I don’t want to do this anymore.

Chris Seiter:
Had he ever suggested a meetup before, or were you the one that had to suggest the meetup?

Lauren:
I suggested a while back. I had actually got a puppy. I adopted a new puppy.

Chris Seiter:
So that’s like an instant like, come see the puppy type thing.

Lauren:
Yeah. I was like, look at my new puppy. You should come meet her sometime. And he was like, Okay, I’d love to do that, but it never-

Chris Seiter:
Materialized.

Lauren:
…went from there.

Chris Seiter:
Right. Well, I guess you’re scared to push him on it and he’s kind of thinking like, Well, I’m uncertain about how I feel.

Lauren:
Oh yeah. He was pretty uncertain too.

Chris Seiter:
So tell me exactly when that uncertainty becomes certainty for him? Did you press the meetup with the puppy again? Was that like your big thing?

Lauren:
No, I kind of reached a point where I was like, I’m okay if I don’t get him back. So I just kind of wanted to… I came to a fork in the road. I was like, I either want to move on or I want to ask him because during the breakup, one of the last things he told me was, maybe I just need some time.

Chris Seiter:
Okay. So that’s kind of like… You’re constantly thinking about that statement playing in your head. I guess if you’re in this state where you’re like, I don’t really care if I get them back or not, but I want to try to see just so I don’t live with regrets. That’s kind of your mindset.

Lauren:
Yeah. It was either move on or actually figure out if he actually meant that. So I made a bold move and I texted him, because I think I had built up enough rapport at that point. I texted him and I asked him, “Hey, did you really mean that? Did you really just need some time?” And he responded, and he was like, “Yeah, I really did mean that, and I think about you every day, I miss you.” That’s when he suggested like, “Hey, I still need to meet your new puppy. Why don’t we meet up and see how things feel?”

Chris Seiter:
Well, it seems like such a mature sort of approach from a breakup perspective. Hardly ever do you see that. I guess the one thing that fascinates me the most about your situation is your perfectly in line with what I’ve seen a lot of the other success stories that I’ve interviewed mention, which is, I got to this place emotionally where I just was like, You know what? If I don’t get them back, I’m okay. Did you feel, looking back on your situation… And I know technically you guys are still… You’re like a couple of weeks… You just got back together a couple of weeks ago, but with whatever little perspective you have looking back on your entire experience, do you think getting to that place emotionally was the key for you?

Lauren:
Yeah. Yeah. I think that helped immensely.

Chris Seiter:
Was there any other things that you look back on and say this… Can you point to just a few things other than that mentality that you felt like were so critical for you achieving this success?

Lauren:
I think working on my trinity was really helpful. Right up there with being okay with not getting him back.

Chris Seiter:
Right. Was there anything else? Because obviously that no contact rule was a bit extended, more than normal. Like usually the average one’s like 30 days, obviously you had a particular circumstance when you went through the assessment that called for a longer period of no contact. Do you feel like that helped a lot? Because I mean, technically that’s right in line with what he said, which is he needs more time. So that’s getting more time technically, right?

Lauren:
Yeah, definitely.

Chris Seiter:
We’re kind of skipping a little bit. Let’s go back because you guaranteed this date with this puppy and the date actually occurs. Did you have to go on multiple dates to get the commitment again? Or was it just like one thing and he was like, No, let’s get back together.

Lauren:
So we did the first meetup and at the end of the first meetup, it went really well. We were talking, it wasn’t awkward. You know, it felt just like old times.

Chris Seiter:
Did you make a post in the Facebook group after that saying, “I haven’t gotten him back yet, but I feel like I’m about to.”?

Lauren:
He was kind of dancing around the subject, but yeah, I could definitely tell it was going to happen.

Chris Seiter:
It was like a few weeks ago that you made this post, right?

Lauren:
Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Chris Seiter:
Okay. What’s funny is Anna and I were talking about you last week.

Lauren:
Really?

Chris Seiter:
Yeah. Yeah. This is awesome because I think both of us saw the post and we were both just like, we can’t count her as a success story yet. And actually Anna is just texting me. She canceled on me. How dare she?

Lauren:
Oh, no.

Chris Seiter:
No, no, no. That’s all right. That’s all right. I’ve interviewed… I could use a break today. So yeah, this is probably fun for you. So Lauren, I’m not even kidding you. I think it was either last week or the week prior, you leave that post and you’re just like, yeah… Unless I’m mistaking you with someone else, you’re kind of like, yeah, I’ve basically got him back, but there’s been no commitment talk. Right? And you always get the people chiming in on the Facebook group and everything, but Anna and I were talking about it before we recorded our podcast episode a couple of weeks ago, we were just like, yeah, she’s going to get him back.

Lauren:
Yes!

Chris Seiter:
It’s going to happen, and it did.

Lauren:
That’s awesome.

Chris Seiter:
So we do talk about our clients sometimes. Anyway, sorry to interrupt. Let’s get to the fun stuff.

Lauren:
Right at the end of the meetup, he was talking about like, yeah, I don’t know what I’m going to tell my dad now. So I was like, Oh, so I was thinking like we’re going to-

Chris Seiter:
Oh wow, it’s May now isn’t it? Isn’t that deadline happening?

Lauren:
No, it actually got-

Chris Seiter:
Pushed?

Lauren:
…extended.

Chris Seiter:
Oh, that helps.

Lauren:
Yeah. That definitely helped. He was talking about like… Just dancing around it, but kind of insinuating, like, yeah, I want to get back together with you. After the meetup, he was texting me and he’s like, “I don’t know where to start again, but we’ll get back to where we were.” And he’s like, “I promise that we’ll get there” and saying all these nice things. We had a second meetup, he called it a date. So we went on a date.

Chris Seiter:
Where’d you go on the date? Because to me, that’s what determines if it’s a date or not, the location.

Lauren:
We actually made dinner at his house.

Chris Seiter:
That’s pretty romantic. Plus you’re in his… You made dinner and I’m assuming that’s where he pops the question, weirdly enough. Like the girlfriend question.

Lauren:
I had to ask him. I was like, “So, are we official?”

Chris Seiter:
What are we? Yeah. That’s all good. That’s all good. My very first girlfriend ever had to do the same thing with me. It’s kind of general knowledge for women that all men are cowards when it comes to these kind of questions. So you got him to say basically like, yeah, we’re official.

Lauren:
Yeah. Just the way he was talking, he was like, Oh, we’re going to do this, this and this. I want to do this, this and this. I want to go on this vacation. So I was like, Oh, okay. So we’re back together.

Chris Seiter:
That’s the perfect time to ask him, too. That’s great. That’s great. So you get him back and how long ago was that exactly? Like a couple of weeks ago?

Lauren:
I would say two weeks ago.

Chris Seiter:
Yeah. Two weeks ago. So how’s things been since then?

Lauren:
Really good. Yeah. Yeah. We’ve been…

Chris Seiter:
Do you guys have like a plan with regards to the housing situation?

Lauren:
Not quite yet, but we are talking about getting an apartment together.

Chris Seiter:
To me that sounds like a plan. At least a small one, you know? No pressure.

Lauren:
Yep. Baby steps.

Chris Seiter:
So looking back on everything, what would you say, if you could do it all over again, any like mistakes that you made, what would you say were your mistakes?

Lauren:
I did have a problem with cyber-stalking.

Chris Seiter:
Okay. So you spent a little too much, like focusing on what he’s posting on his Instagram stories or Snapchat or Facebook or whatever.

Lauren:
Yeah.

Chris Seiter:
I don’t know if you guys are into TikTok, I’m still resistant towards the TikTok movement, but if it’s big enough, I’ll learn it. So basically, you had a really hard time not looking at what he’s doing.

Lauren:
Yeah.

Chris Seiter:
I’m kind of curious, when you got him back, did you kind of quiz him on what his experience was like during the breakup? Did he stalk you on social media? Was there anything interesting that you can tell anyone listening about like the man’s side of the breakup?

Lauren:
Well, he told me about the breakup. He told me, “Yeah, I blew everything out of proportion when I broke up with you. I shouldn’t have broke up with you.” You know, stuff like that.

Chris Seiter:
Well, I actually feel like you should be extremely proud of yourself because I think you handled the breakup really, really well. It could have went the exact opposite way because most women, I think when they get broken up with, and they don’t want the breakup, they tend to do those anxious type behaviors, you know? And it seems like, even though I think you had some, like the cyber-stalking and things like that, you sort of had enough emotional control to kind of play poker so that he’s not seeing the weak moments. It kind of makes him… Makes you a little bit more intriguing in his eyes. I think you should be incredibly proud of yourself. You’re as close to as textbook of a success story as I think I’ve ever interviewed. So you should give yourself a pat on the back. You did an amazing job, Lauren.

Lauren:
Thank you.

Chris Seiter:
Is there any sort of other insights that you can give anyone listening here who is going through a breakup and they’re in the middle of a no-contact rule or they’re struggling during the texting phase or any kind of piece of advice that you would give them?

Lauren:
I would say, really focus on working on your trinity, because that’s really what my boyfriend said drew him back to me.

Chris Seiter:
You heard it here. Holy Trinity. Focus on that trinity. You’re like the 50th person that has said that. And people don’t do it. I don’t get like… The proof is in the pudding, but anyways. I just wanted to say thank you for doing this. Thanks so much.

Lauren:
Thank you.