Mistakes You Make When Trying To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back

135 thoughts on “The 5 Biggest Mistakes Women Make When Trying To Get An Ex Boyfriend Back (Video)”

Nina

March 31, 2016 at 9:52 pm

Hi. I have a huge dilemma. My ex and I started a friendship and it ended up in a serious relationship. But, I had baggage and eventually did get rid of it. I straightened myself up in every way. He also brought baggage. He is going through a divorce and he gets confused and has gone back to her for a week and decided it was me he wanted. He told me he was 100% in and loved me. Over the weekend we spent it together but we both felt tension between us and couldn’t figure out why. We still made love and told each other we loved each other. We talked and text but Sunday night he got mad and went to bed early. Monday we fought a little bit and then around 5 PM he stopped texting me. I called him and he ignored it. He never text me again and it is now Thursday. He text me and told me he wanted to get my house key back to me. He dropped it off in my office. I have no idea what happened or if he went back to her? I am so lost and hurt right now. I didn’t respond to his text about the key. He looked either mad or upset when he dropped it off. Our entire relationship has been up and down but we love one another. Today in the cafeteria he stared at me the entire time and smiled at me. I don’t know what to think. He did admit that he was confused and didn’t know what to do. I don’t want a relationship where I can’t trust him. He lives in the same town as her which is a half hour from where I live. I don’t spy on him or want to be that type of person. But, wondering what he is up to and why I am getting the silent treatment is beyond me. Please help.

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 3, 2016 at 12:04 pm

That’s right.. if he really wants you back, let him earn your trust first..don’t give in to the smiles and stares

Olivia

March 29, 2016 at 6:01 pm

Hello! I am debating on purchasing the package but wanted to get a bit of pre-advice first. My boyfriend’s name is David. We have been together 3 years, and have been living together for a little over a year. We have three dogs together (1 is mine and 2 are his). We got into an explosive fight 3 days ago. I started the fight, I pushed him to the edge, and I recognize it was my fault and apologized profusely. However, now he says he just doesn’t want a girlfriend anymore. He “doesnt want to do it anymore”. Obviously I blew up his phone the first few days but now I am following the no contact rule. I feel like he just needs time away as we live together and I am home literally all of the time. Maybe he was feeling smothered. The thing that scares me is that he has never reacted like this before. We have gotten in maybe 5 of these huge fights over the past three years (all due to me, circling around my period, I have PMDD) and each time we are okay the next day. We live together but I am staying with my parents (I am 21, he is 24) for the time being. Each time I text him he does respond, nothing mean. He just says “I’m sorry” “I dont know what to say” etc. Just to give you an idea. He is NOT a guy who thinks about his feelings, he is very stubborn and hides feelings easily. Any thoughts? Any advice to give? Have you seen good outcomes from a guy like this before? We generally have a fantastic relationship, get along great, spend tons of time together, etc. He also said that if it wasn’t for the fight that he wouldn’t not have broken up with me. So maybe just time will heal the wound. Just wanted to get an outside opinion.

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 3, 2016 at 6:19 am

HI Olivia,

has he cooled off and have you tried to have a calm convo now?

Nora RoY

March 28, 2016 at 8:48 am

Hi Chris,

My ex boyfriend broke up with me coz of long distance relationship. He wanted to move on but after our break up we are still in touch and sometimes he goes like he still likes me and sometimes he says he don’t and want to move on. He never calls me or text me, I am the one who always texts him or call him 1st. Now there is this girl at his work place and he is interested in that girl. He said he wants to move on and to do that he have to start dating again. Now what should I do, I think If i use No contact rule on him then he will think i have moved on and he will continue dating that girl from his office.

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 3, 2016 at 4:30 am

HI Nora,

The question is, if you continue talking, do you think you have a greater chance?

Carrie

March 27, 2016 at 10:56 am

Hello EBR team
I had been in a relationship with this guy for 2 months (I no not not very long) however, we had known of eachothwr for years but had both been in relationships etc. So we finally went on a date in December and hit it off immediately, it was amazing, everything I had ever wanted and he wanted it just as much. So we became inseparable, then he went away for a weekend & for some reasons some insecurities I had from a previous relationship crept in and I thought he had been up to stuff I really had no reason to think, anyway I tried to find out some stuff he found out and broke up with me. That was around a month ago no. He was and is understandably angry as he says he cannot trust I will not be sneaky again and I lied to him etc, obviously I can understand these but I have been sincere in my 1000s of apologys so I don’t see what more I can do. So he was ignoring me for a while then he started making contact telling me he missed me and I did the same, then suddenly he would just stop messaging, so I asked if we could meet to talk but he refused, I tried to keep cool as I didn’t want to push him but my usual women crazy ways crept in and I kept pushing for an answer if we could work things out, he kept saying he didn’t no but that wasn’t good enough for me, I had to keep going, sending loads of messages basically everything I shouldn’t have been doing for the last month. I kept asking him to block me so I couldn’t contact him and he kept saying no, Then finally yesterday he said he was done forever coz he couldn’t handle what I was doing and he didn’t want to speak to me, I sent some messages and he ignored me. Now my question is based on all of the above, is there any point in implementing the NC rule now as he has said he never wants to sort this all out or do I still have a shot? I feel like I have pushed him so much no amount of silence is going to erase those bad memories of this past month and make him miss me? Any advice would be great xx

Carrie

April 4, 2016 at 2:57 am

Hi

I have started it today, I attempted last week but failed miserably which makes me think once again I have ruined it! There was silence for around 5 days then I see some of his family had done the dreaded delete and block from Facebook, so I asked him why as I hadn’t practically did anything nasty to him since the break etc, he said to not take it personally etc, we then started speaking about us and as usuaky he closed off and started ignoring me again. I just have no idea what this means!
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 4, 2016 at 2:17 pm

well, it’s not healthy to talk to him now, so just continue no contact
Carrie

March 28, 2016 at 9:01 am

Can I also add that if we were only together 2 months and have been split for a month obviously with this contact everyday, does that month apart fall into the 66 day break a habit? Or does there have to be complete silence for the habit to break?
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 3, 2016 at 3:45 am

HI Carrie,

it has to be complete silence. It’s the only better next move. Are you doing it?

Riri

March 26, 2016 at 11:33 pm

Hi! I’ve been on this website so many times and even though my boyfriend and I are still together i feel like he takes advantage of me because I’m always so nice to him even when he’s a bit cold and indifferent to things I say or do and I’m not sure what to do or how to make him change that and I was wondering if the no contact rule for a couple of days could help even though he’s still my boyfriend. A lot of people have always told me that guys always want what the can’t have so I have to make myself distant and seem like I don’t care about what he does but it’s very hard and I often forget to be like that especially when he’s being sweet. I would really appreciate some help on this! Thank you!

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 3, 2016 at 2:51 am

Hi Riri,

Sorry for the late reply. I went on Holy week break so, just starting to catch up.. The other recent comments probably has previous comments too, so when filtered their latest comments were answered as well..
anyways, that means you have to have your own life. To have balance. If he’s being cold or indifferent it depends on the situation. Maybe you’re just used to him being around and you have nothing else to be busy with so, you notice when it’s an off day for him and you get easily affected. But if you’re really busy and he’s still like that, don’t beg, observe and then talk about it. If he does not change, then either continue doing your own thing or just decide to move on. We can’t force somebody to change, if they change because of us, that is still their decision. So, have standards, so you know when enough is enough and others won’t take advantage of you and the right people will stay.

Marie

March 24, 2016 at 6:22 pm

Hi Chris, or Amor.

I’ve goofed up multiple times before finding this website. My ex and I broke up at the beginning of February. We were together about eight months, extremely compatible, rarely fought but that may have been because he and I both don’t handle negative confrontation. He said at first it was a lot of issues that in my opinion could have been worked on, then eventually said he didn’t feel romantically towards me anymore. He was the one who wanted this relationship so badly that he would fight with me and cry about it before we started being officially together. The first half was him being in love with me more than I was with him. We were best friends before the relationship and are very compatible. We share the same interests, mannerisms and we get along great aside from when we do things the other doesn’t like. He has a hard time talking about his feelings.

A few days after he broke up with me, we talked and he wasn’t sure if he was willing to give it another shot. We ended up spending time together a few times, and to him it was “trying to work it out”, and I had no idea. Things got bad one night and we got in a big fight, and a few days after he came over and broke things off with me again. We had sex once before that and went on a date. (This was right before I found EBR. I’m saving up for the book.) I didn’t talk to him for a week, and was posting on snapchat the things I was doing with my friends as well as our mutual friends. He blocked me on snapchat, and had texted me saying he missed me, but I ignored it. We ended up going to dinner about a week after, because we had planned to go with our mutual friends (without directly talking to each other), but they all ditched and it ended up being just us.

After this happened, we were hanging out sort of regularly, seeing plays, going out to eat and stuff, and things were okay, except for when we would drink and he would text me things like “I wish you were here in bed with me, I miss cuddling you. I wanted to kiss you and hold you tonight” etc. I told him he was saying those things because he was drunk, and I cut the conversation off to go to sleep. Whenever we would text between us first hanging out again, I would end the conversation at the high points.

A week ago, we got into a massive fight when I wasn’t handling my alcohol well and I started to yell at him about the things he said about me romantically, and how it contradicted what he had said about not having any romantic feelings about me when we broke up. I said some mean things, and went home, and the next day asked him over so I could apologize for the night before and my behavior, and also to say I didn’t want to see or talk to him for a while. When he came over, he brought it up first and I said I had intended to say it as well, but then he started trying to explain to me why he thought we should have space. When he left, he held me close and tight, and kissed my cheek. He did this when we “broke up” the second time and when we first talked things out. I know space is good because we both agreed we can’t grow when we’re both hurt about everything. He said he’s sad and confused, but didn’t elaborate. I’m still working on myself and trying to grow out my hair (from a pixie cut), plan on joining a gym again and continuing on my portfolio for myself (one thing he loved about me is my art).

I’m on day 5 of NC with him on a mutual agreement. It would have been six days, but I was at his home for my friend’s birthday last weekend, and he spoke to me a little, used his last bit of film on taking photos of me that he had sitting around for MONTHS on an old fancy camera, and tried to make sure I was getting home okay and watched me leave. I feel like I have the upper hand in that aspect because I shut him down a bit and was short with him and ignored him unless he spoke to me first. He also went out of town with a female mutual friend of ours, but I don’t think it’s romantic because she’s like a sister to all of the males in our friend group.

I don’t know where to go from here, or what you guys might read from this whole long spiel. I feel like I have a lower hand on this, but I want to get better and be the UG. Do you think if I keep up what I’m doing to work on myself, that he will show interest again or grow to want to be with me again after the multiple negative encounters and fights? We agreed we have a strong bond and are afraid to grow apart, but always want to have each other in our lives. It’s been almost two months now.

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 2, 2016 at 11:31 am

Hi Marie,

Being the ungettable girl means having your own life and walking away even if it hurts when you know you’re not being treated right. It doesn’t mean it won’t hurt, it just means you will fight when you know it’s right but you won’t beg. If you grow apart that means you either have no time or you’re interests are a total mismatch

Completely confused

March 24, 2016 at 11:50 am

Hi,
When he and I met he was with someone else, we didn’t cheat, but and he ended up leaving this woman to be with me. However, they were together for over 8 years prior to him meeting me so as you can imagine it all got pretty messy. He ended up telling me that it was all too much and I needed to move on.

By this point I hadn’t found your website yet and as you can imagine, like most heartbroken women, I was devastated. So, I picked myself up, and went on a date with the first guy that asked me, and kissed him. Nothing else happened with the guy and I told him I wasn’t interested a few days later.

Moving forward a month and my ex messaged me saying he was ready to be something… BUT unfortunately for me he finds out about my kiss. Now, I know I did nothing wrong, he ended it, he told me I should move on and I had no ties to anyone. But then arguments happen, lots of “I hate you.. I’ll never trust you” things thrown in my direction and he left it there. By this point I’m still devastated but just so exhausted. The whole process from meeting to now has been almost 8 months and a massive rollercoaster, so I left it there.

Two weeks later he contacted me apologising and asked if we could start as friends. Luckily for me, I had found your website. I followed all the rules up to the first date, and it was all going so so well! I was visiting my sister who lives in the same city as him, 2 hours away from my home. We went for lunch last week and he paid, he told me over and over how much he missed me, held my hand, he kissed me and asked if he could see me again before I went home. I left thinking, wow this is working! He text me a cute good morning text the next day and everything.. I was amazed how well it went.

After that I started really following the texting articles, and managed to do the tide theory, and that brings me to the other day…He had been messaging me first every day since we met up. Yesterday the tide theory properly worked when we spoke on and off throughout the whole day. Then suddenly… that evening we are texting about what great of a time we had the week before and he suddenly tells me “that’s because there’s no pressure on us to be together anymore” so I asked him when he meant and he goes “I just don’t want those things… Us being together, i don’t want it anymore… I want to be alone… It’s always me left with nothing at the end”. Obviously I’m a little confused considering how everything had been moving forward, but I try and stay neutral. He gets rude and talks about how I can’t have expected one day together to fix everything between us and asked me what I expected and what I wanted from him. So, I replied “I wanted us to get to know each other as two unattached people, with no expectations of it going either into a relationship or not, then see what happened over time”. (So, I basically described dating without saying the word “dating”). He then suddenly does a full turn around and asks if we can do that.. I say that I thought we were which is why I was so confused, and he says “ok”. I don’t respond.

I’m sorry for this long message. Honestly, everything was going amazing but now i’m confused! Maybe I rushed the whole process? I know it could be down to loads of things. He might be scared; we moved too fast, he may not actually want anything with me etc. I am finding it strange just because of how great it’s been over the last week. So, where do I go from here?

Sorry again for the long message, I hope you can help : )

Still confused

March 31, 2016 at 12:27 pm

Since this he became really rude. He called and we got into an argument, I told him I’m not just here for him to pick up and drop whenever he feels, he said he doesn’t trust me, he can never see us together, even though he wants it more than anything, he will never trust me. He said he cares so much about me but asked me to be just “friends” and so I said no. I’m not sure if it was a mistake to say no, but I felt like he expects me to be there for him despite him giving me complete mixed signals. One day he wants this, the next he hates me etc etc etc.

He has now blocked me on everything.. I’ve been cut out. He contacted me 4 times (all on different messaging things), because someone I know followed him on social media (nothing to do with me at all- complete coincidence) telling me that after what I had said to him I had to stop this.. I didn’t reply.

I’m doing no contact (again), mainly for myself because I need to get my head straight. But after, I’m not sure what to do.. Did I make a mistake saying no to friendship? He doesn’t trust me, and said that he wants to be with me but because of the lack of trust he never will. But his actions when we spend time together (LDR) say otherwise. I am considering trying to buy your ebook but money is really tight and I can’t really justify it with everything else going on.

Hope you can help me on here : )
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 2, 2016 at 8:45 am

Hi,

Sorry for the late reply.. you did the right thing of saying no.. I think he thinks like that because that’s how he is with his ex.. just cintnue with no contact since you’re also blocked

Lost

March 21, 2016 at 5:19 pm

Hello,

I am really interested in purchasing this package to help me. Unfortunately i am in a very hard situation and i want to make sure that i can salvage something or if i should just move on? Basically i have been dating a guy who is older than i am and he has a lot going on in his life ( he lost his job, parents are recently divorced and it took a toll on him, he has not much savings because he used them to py off all his debts) and i think he is going through a depression. He is a very private person and not very emotional and these past couple months we have been fighting a lot. To the point he decided he wanted to stay alone. And we broke up. Hes been very cold with me, i didnt take the breakup very well since i invested so much into us and it hurt me. He wanted to be alone and i couldnt do so. I would text him and call him and cry and basically do all the acts of desperation possible he started ignoring me and blocking my numbers. Telling me such horrible things and that we would never get back together. The longest we have gone without actually seeing each other is maybe a month and a half and speaking is 2 weeks then he would come back and contact me. At first i was ok with him occasionally contacting me but then as he started taking me out for movie dates and i would stay overnight and he admitted he still had feelings for me, he disappeared for a few days again. And i blew it i became emotional trying to beg him back and calling and texting all over again. He then told me i fucked up all my chances and at the moment he wants nothing to do with me and that the ship has sailed and we both should move on. He got angry at me again saying horrible things, telling me he doesnt want to hear from me ever again, that he wants no one around him and that if and when he wants to come back he will, but he finishes by saying the ship has sailed and he hates me, i bring out the worst in him. Yet here i am heartbroken hanging on to the fact that 2 weeks ago he said he still has feelings for me, that when we were hanging out he wasn’t acting like he wasn’t interested in getting back together… And now because I couldn’t help it anymore about being abandoned every 3 days i was feddup and now i lost him for good. He usually always comes back, i would give him 1 day, then 2 then 3 then the longest was 2 weeks. He always says he never wants to hear from me again and then contacts me… But this time i fear it is the last time and i really want to call him again to convince him to open his eyes to remember the good times he keeps telling me to grow up and that i never learn that hes tired of all this and that i bring out the worst in him, but when we are together we laugh and smile and you can tell were good together his expression on his face cannot lie… Because when we were good we were great.. He is the love of my life, i cannot get over him, i have tried and i know at his age the next girl will be his future wife. I cannot bare think that because we were talking about it a while ago…. I know in order to have any remote chance i have to let him go… But i am scared by doing so this time is the last… That he won’t come back…. Do i have any shot left by buying the package?? I CANT LOSE HIM I HAVE DONE LEGITIMATELY EVERYTHING POSSIBLE TO GAIN HIM BACK HELP ME

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 22, 2016 at 5:19 pm

Hi Lost,

We don’t guarantee that no contact or any of our products will guarantee you to get him back and frankly I don’t think you should get him back.

A healthy relationship is something that you can survive when you lose it. You don’t want it and it will hurt of course but it won’t leave you crippled. It looks like yours have become toxic too. Whether he has his own problems or both of you has, you should work on it together. It’s ok to fight, it’s actually healthy but to blame and then ignore each other for longer and longer later on just means the relationship is not growing.

If he really loves you, he should treat you with respect and you should raise your standards too because you deserve someone like that.

Sandra

March 18, 2016 at 10:54 am

Hi Amor
My husband of 10 years left me with no warning. We were making plans for the future etc and this has come out of the blue for me. He says he has no love for me and that this has been the case for about a year now, however, he never indicated or showed me that anything was wrong, if there were any signs I would totally understand what has happened. He changed from a loving husband to someone I don’t know overnight, he has a habit of pushing people away when the going gets tough but I just never thought he would do this to me. We have two children together so I have to see and communicate with him regarding them. He sees the children once a week at our house and takes them one day at the weekend. After 6 weeks of me trying to find answers etc from him I have only now just implemented the NC rule (I have purchased and downloaded the ex-recovery plan and found this very useful). Can you advise if this is to little to late or is there anything else I should be doing just now. Thanks and look forward to hearing from you.

Sandra

March 29, 2016 at 11:35 am

Hi Amor,
Thanks for your response. If something had happened I’d be able to understand this whole situation or maybe even deal with it a bit better There was absolutely no indication of anything wrong at all, far from it, he was telling me only a matter of weeks before that I was everything to him, he couldn’t explain how much I meant to him and that he would always be in my life as long as I wanted him!! Very confusing! I honestly do not think the NC is going to work to get him back, but it may be something I have to do for my own sanity. It is also very difficult to do NC when we have the children to communicate about, almost daily at the moment.
Again thanks for any advice.
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 3, 2016 at 5:54 am

HI Sandra,

sorry for the late rep.. Did you proceed to nc?
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 19, 2016 at 2:26 pm

Hi Sandra,

No, it’s not too late..Can you remember if something happened before or during that made him decide like that qyickly?

Michelle

March 16, 2016 at 7:28 pm

Hi Chris, its been a long time since i last wrote u a comment.. i bet u dont remember me but yah i was the annoying one haha. Anyways i have completed a 2 month NC as i think things were quite bad and i was way too clingy. I started contacting him by passing him a piece of info thts helpful to him n will remind him of my good. It went ok. We texted back n forth for abt a week but mainly we were just talking abt work and I was chill n always wait for a bit to respond. The last day he finally started ti talk abt sth else n i didnt do very well in respondinf. Yes i texted too much and sound stupid again.. he is all indifferent again. I waited for a few days now and i texted him again last night, but he’s still not giving very positive response. Will u say I have failed or what? What u suggest for my next step? Oh beside, the actively end the conversation strategy works really well! He wud initiate convo, although still work related, afterward. Oh oh and by the way, I have ur ebr pro book and I now want to buy the texting Bible alone but I see that u r only selling it in a bundle? Sorry to flood u with so many questions at once but I look forward to ur reply! And I am happy to see the expand of ur team!

Michelle

March 31, 2016 at 7:12 pm

Hi Amor, so glad to see ur reply!! He actually did reply yesterday, two days after i texted.. his reply was a couple lines but not replying to the dessert request. Seems like hes trying to waive off the topic. I haven’t replied.. is it rude? For me not replying? Or can i just leave it. Its been a whole day now.
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 3, 2016 at 11:56 am

Nope it’s not.. tre to build more rapport in texts first..if you can transition to calls before asking him again
Michelle

March 30, 2016 at 6:11 pm

Hi Amor….
So after the good convo he was cold again.. abt a couple days later i sent him a link thats work related..and he didnt reply till one day after, and i explained to him how to use it wih some long textss, and joke abt him shud treat me dessert, and he didnt reply at all.. please give me some advice…..
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 31, 2016 at 10:40 am

HI Michelle,
sorry for the late reply.. Maybe he’s busy. Rest for 3 days and then time to send the text on the usual times he replies.
Michelle

March 22, 2016 at 5:53 pm

Hi Amor, i tried to make funn it worked! Although he was cold again bht at least thars sth right? His frd got a new gf, shud i be worried that this may make him want even more to get a girl? Beside the NC was on n off for a while and then eventually dead silence for 2 months.
Michelle

March 21, 2016 at 3:53 pm

Well yah of course he is not intersted in getting back together at the moment lol, otherwise thing will go a lot smoother and i probably dont need to come for help lol. I just dont know what i can do to bring his interest n all that, thats why i need some professional opinion from u n chris haha. Please tell me what else i can do.
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 22, 2016 at 12:11 pm

hahahaha! I meant the nc wasn’t effective in him.. Either it was short and not enough to establish that you’re not clingy anymore or there wasn’t enough attraction ..

and because you’ve done almkst everything to keep the convo interesting but he’s still not engaging, that means you have to stop because you’ll appear to be chasing again
Michelle

March 21, 2016 at 4:37 am

Hi Amor, thank you for your advice, i think they are really good. However I think i m facing a stubborn piece of stone here. I did try to tell him abt really good job opportunities he wud like to transfer to, but he was not intersted, i tried to talk sports, but he went cold again, i tried to be funny, but what topic can wait foe 12 hrs n still be funny? I mean the main issue is that he always leave my msg hanging for hours n hours. Well it is not that hes busy, cuz hes very active in othet social media during the wait time. And all those one or two word responses? I just dont feel i have any control at all. Not even to end the convo.
As for going into nc again and make myself busy n make him wonder? It didnt work. I posted so many activities and all that, and i am sure that he wud be interested and he wud see, but i heard absolutely nth from him. At all.

So help me, Amor, what shud i do, to get gim reply fast, to keep topic still refreshing even its hours after.. i means i told a joke, leaving an open ending question like “guess whar happened after, u wont believe it!!”, and he didnt answer till days after, and say “lol seems like u had a good time. ” i mean,how r u suppose to carry on? And the wait time is really long.
I am just thinking, this is his way, polite way, to tell me to back off, u think? How do i approach?
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 21, 2016 at 11:22 am

If you already did everything, it looks loke it is his way of saying that he doesn’t want to be back together.. you can only do so much and you have..
Michelle

March 19, 2016 at 4:18 pm

And he stopped replying yesterday…. our topics r very boring i admit, theres really nth i can talk tk hjm abt.. i just dont know how i shud proceed.. i feel like j may have screwed the effectof nc….
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 20, 2016 at 4:19 am

But you tried right? He just leads it back to work.. but later on, yeah it may have become boring…That’s the main thin you have to solve first..topics to talk about that.. either you talk about the interesting things you’re doing, what’s current that could be interesting for him.. jobs that he would want to transfer to, or anything that could help him in job..

But I think if you just go do your own thing, and he sees it and finds it interesting, he’ll be the one to ask about it.. So, that’s means you’re going to do nc again before trying, if you still want to..
Make it busy again, and continue to do that when you start texting
Michelle

March 19, 2016 at 7:38 am

I think he is the polite type, he respond to all msgs no matter what it is about. He replies me 12 hrs later, always. And it was all lol, yeah, ok, nope, that kinda responses. I can feel his inner voice: omg shes so annoying!! But i have to reply otherwise i wud ne the bad guy!!
But anyways, i also read abt the stopping at climaxes post, but since hes only replying after 12 hrs or so, theres really no climaxes at all. How shud i deal with this situation Amor?
Michelle

March 17, 2016 at 6:45 pm

Hi Amor,
no it was just becuz i was doing a similar project and mine is getting good results. And i initiated a more personal subject and hes just lol, yeah, nope, haha.
Do u think he hates me? What shud i do? I tried to stop for a couple days n re initiate sth else but hes just not giving good response. I wud say he is pretty insecuted n stubborn, but he also like to hunt around. And i feel like hes either having someone of interest, or he just hate me.
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 19, 2016 at 7:12 am

if he’s talking to you, I don’t think he hates you… but why do you think he hates you?
Michelle

March 17, 2016 at 7:36 am

Hi Amor,
Wow thank u for u timely response!! I think u are quite right about the boring part. But actually i did try to talk abt sth else but he will either switch back to work, or just simply reply: yeah, okay, haha, etc. . What do i do?
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 17, 2016 at 1:55 pm

hahaha, what’s with his work? Is it suoer stressful and he’s venting out?
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 17, 2016 at 1:34 am

Hi Michelle,

I hope you don’t me answering but I can ask him if you want.. I think it just got boring because you only had one topic, work. Although I understabd that he’s the one initiating that. Next time, you can try to change the topic right after he had gotten his work related stuff out of his system, maybe that’s after 2 texts from him..

Research of a current event on the day that you would text that is interesting for him so it would look like a more natural start off topic..

Unsure

March 15, 2016 at 4:41 pm

I had completed a 45 day NCR that ended by mid February, and my ex actually started responding (before he wouldn’t reply no matter what) but his response doesn’t seem positive or enthusiastic.
Now it’s pretty much that he responds with just single words no matter what I say..sometimes he just reads my messages and doesn’t say anything.
I’ve sent the kind of messages as advised by Chris, but I’m not getting anywhere. The maximum I get from him is “okay.” Or “yeah.”
This one time he actually called me, because I had messaged a mutual friend saying that I really wanted someone to talk to..so when my ex called me about that, he asked me not to talk like that to his friends because it makes him look bad. I was so taken aback that I started crying on the phone..and I didn’t want him to hear me cry(first time he called in about 3 months) so I told him that I couldn’t talk and I cut the call..he called once more after that and I didn’t pick up. Next day he messages me saying that “I just wanted to talk to you. And what did you do? You cut the call. This is why you and I will never get back together.”
I tried explaining myself, but it only made him angrier and he asked me to stop making excuses.. I’m scared to say anything anymore, but I still want him back..
Do I go ahead and try NCR for another 45 days?

Unsure

March 16, 2016 at 2:46 pm

Yes, I guess you’re right. But is there a chance that If I take too long to heal, that he’ll move on or start dating someone? What then?
(Sorry by mistake I I started a new thread instead of replying to this)
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 16, 2016 at 11:57 pm

it’s okay! 🙂 In a way that’s good because that means you have to start over with a clean slate.. if he was talkig to you even though things aren’t well, what more if both of you are happy?
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 16, 2016 at 1:19 pm

HI Unsure,

I think it’s best if the next step for you is to heal. Forget about him for now. I’m not saying you can’t try later on but for now heal. Don’t try to reconnect until there’s the feeling of needing him. Build your own life first and happiness.

Grace

March 14, 2016 at 10:53 pm

Hi Chris, my fiance and I broke up recently, before that Ive been depressed and acting unlike myself, ive said some hurtful things to him over the course of the past 3 months (since being unwell) and acted a bit off the rails and self destructive. This is because he cheated on me when I was pregnant with our son and Ive never gotten over it, he also acted hot and cold most of the first part of our relationship, then soon as our baby was born, he seemed to calm down and had been making an effort to fix things (like proposing/ not hanging out with negative social people). We had a trial seperation about a month ago but were still in contact, aiming to make things work, its since fizzled out as I need time to heal and access therapy. Last week we called it quits (he gave up). Before then he was literally begging for my forgiveness. He is now back on facebook, going out with friends and adding loads of girls on social media. I started no contact yesterday. Ive posted a picture to facebook of myself and some guys liked and commented. Today he attempted to log onto my facebook, and immediately blocked me soon after, and unfollowed me on Instagram and blocked me on whatsapp. Im a bit confused to say the least and trying not to obsess over what he is thinking about me now. What is the best course of action for me now? And what can I expect? I really want an amazing future with this man and I am willing to go through whatever it may take NOW to have that THEN. Thankyou so much for your advice, this site is great 🙂

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 15, 2016 at 1:45 pm

Hi Grace,

He’s being stubborn and I think he didn’t expect you to post that pic and get hurt by likes of other men. So now he blocked you to not see more of it.. Just continue on being silent post your activities but don’t post things that he can use against you like jealousy posts. Just casual activities of being happy, or your activities with your son, coz even if you’re blocked he may still be checking that through a friend. So, let him cool off while you’re making the nc time for yourself.

Violet

March 14, 2016 at 3:59 am

Hi EBR team

I’m on day 5 of texting and I’m ending the conversations after the suggested amount of texts. But if I’m always the one starting the conversation every day, does it look like I’m desperate or trying too hard? What do I do if he never initiates the text conversation? Do I continue as planned?

Violet

March 14, 2016 at 11:11 pm

Another day of little response from him. Do I stop messaging him? How long for?
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 15, 2016 at 11:33 am

Sorry for the late reply Violet. It’s okay that you’re starting, it depends more on how the convo went and how it ended. If he’s not reply or giving neutral replies you have to give it a week apart before texting again, if he still doesn’t reply positively, you can go for two weeks and do a like a little nc.. but if he still doesn’t reply positively at that time, that means either you do a month of no contact or don’t contact him the circumstance is perfect(like his birthday) or until he initiates.
Violet

March 14, 2016 at 7:08 am

Damn. Today I’m meant to get 4 texts from him but I only got one. The funny texts are challenging for me to continue the conversation. Is it a bad sign that he didn’t reply? He’s never not replied before.

KR

March 14, 2016 at 3:38 am

Hi Chris and Amor,

My boyfriend and I broke up last September. I completed NC and started to contact him, I got varying degrees of positive responses and no responses. It took about 3 months but we eventually got back on speaking terms. Then he asked me to hang out. We started hanging out about once a week and talking regularly. He also told me he was diagnosed with cancer in December and I have been there for him through surgery and treatment. The last month I have seen him 3 or 4 days a week and he has really relied on me for support. I felt like we were starting to get on track towards reconciliation. But then he decided for the rest of his cancer treatment he is going to move back home about two hours away from the city we both currently live in. I cried when he told me wabout his possibility, I couldn’t hold back tears but I did tell him I think he should what’s best for him. He told me about three days ago that it’s a official, he’s moving back home for at least a year. He wants to be near family and life long friends and I can’t blame him. I just don’t want to lose him in my life. I haven’t talked to him since he told me who’s moving at the end of this month and I’m worried he’s not going to reach out again because goodbyes are hard. I still want him back and I still want to be a part of his life even though he’s going to live a couple hours away. I don’t know what to do at this point. I know he needs to focus on his health right now and that’s what I want for him too. But I want to be there for him through this like I have the last two months and I still hope for the chance that maybe we can reconcile one day. Maybe I’m too much of a dreamer. What can I do at this point? How can I tell him I still want us to talk and visit each other after he moves? I just really don’t want to lose him, he truly means a lot to me.

KR

March 16, 2016 at 9:49 pm

What do I do for he keeps intimidating conversations and then disappearing on them shortly after they start (text convos)? He asked me about my day last night and then disappeared when I started asking about his. He’s been disappearing every day for the last 3 days. I don’t know what to do.. I literally asked him a question last night and he has yet to reply. I don’t want to become a gnat but something is up. He initiates and ghosts. Advice?
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 17, 2016 at 1:46 am

although he’s ghosting, it’s good that he’s initiating Next time he initiates, react and then in the same text ask him, I want to share something I experienced recently, wanna hear it?
KR

March 15, 2016 at 8:29 pm

That’s a good idea. Talk to him more about how I like spending time with him in general. I just hope he doesn’t shut me out when he moves away in a few weeks. This long distance support is going to be hard to navigate. Even if it is only two hours.
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 15, 2016 at 11:28 am

HI Kr,

Why not show up? Even just as a friend. If I were in your position, I would because he would need support and if he asks just tell him you like being with him and no pressure.. Just doing what makes you happy. That way, he doesn’t feel pitied.

May

March 13, 2016 at 8:31 pm

Hello Ms. Amor,

I’m the highschooler who’s been trying to get her ex boyfriend back for a while now.
(He broke up with me in November)
I’ve already completed no contact, and also started texting him, and we’ve been texting on and off for a couple weeks now.
I managed to hang out with him once in February with in a small group of friends (there were two other people)
I think I’ve made progress: escaping the awkward exgirlfriend label, and managed to become at least a friend. I hope.
Our conversations have always been positive so that’s good as well.
He texted me first once: on Thursday morning, and I think that’s a big accomplishment as well.

Here is my next problem:
I’ve managed to get on good terms with him.
However, our text conversations never seem to go on with no effort. (They seem boring)
It’s hard to make the convo just flow.

Do you have any advice on how to make our conversations more interesting and worthwhile?
I’ve tried talking about his hobbies and it worked great. However, our conversation got really boring and he only answered with “lol” and eventually ended up leaving my text unanswered on Friday night.
Should I conduct a short no contact, and try again?

Thankyou.

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 15, 2016 at 6:30 am

Hi May,

that’s good! at least he’s on speaking terms again… either, you’re not ending it in high point, the topic is’nt really interesting for him even though it’s about him, maybe there’s nothing new about that topic? or he still thinks you’re trying to win him back and he friendzoned you..

So, it’s either you stop for two weeks and continue beung the ungettable girl whilr being present in his sight or do no contact and focus more on yourself

Relentless

March 11, 2016 at 7:37 pm

I want to share my progress with you. I am over my ex boyfriend, have been for over 6 weeks. He never contacted me during NC but I did get a private number calling me before Valentine’s Day, maybe it was him? I didn’t pick up so I never found out. Anyway for the last 6 weeks I have been dating another guy. He is Kurdish and very sweet, sometimes there is a language barrier though. Overall his English is very good and he’s been here over 3 years. I can be insecure, for a new relationship he’s handled this very well and puts my mind at ease. The issue is he has two phones, he has never tried to hide this fact. He has said twice now when I’ve asked that he uses the second phone because it is cheaper to call his mother overseas, he might have mentioned more but I forgot if he did. However my insecurity is getting the better of me, cos I’ve read about cheaters who use two phones. I know it’s early days but does his reasons and the fact he doesn’t hide it seem plausible enough?

Please Chris, I know this is not very relevant but I figured it would be helpful to get another males opinion.

Cheers

Relentless

March 13, 2016 at 9:32 pm

Thanks Amor, that’s okay your opinion is just as good. Thankyou :)!
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 12, 2016 at 12:49 pm

Hi relentless,
I can forward to Chris your comment if you’d like but in my opinion his reason is plausible..Just observe him more but don’t accuse him..

Heartbroken

March 10, 2016 at 9:34 pm

What makes an ex want to back after a while of NC? I’ve been doing NC and I’ve actually been feeling like I don’t need him anymore. What makes you so sure that he won’t be feeling the same way? I think my feelings are sort of “hidden” until I see him. I broke NC and spent the night with him and all the love came back again. He told me he still cared about me but he doesn’t have any love feelings for me left. I kinda don’t believe because he didn’t treat me like he didn’t love me at all. But, if that’s what he believes, what makes it change after a while of NC? I did tell him that I’m never messaging/visiting him again and he didn’t seem to believe that I was capable of that. So that’s good. I can “surprise him” like you said but how are you so sure that’s even enough to make him come back?

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 11, 2016 at 1:26 am

Hi Heartbroken,

we can’t guaranter that he will after nc.. but afyer nc you should build up rapport and attraction firat..nc should be like a reset..that’s why there should be no talk at all cost.. to make him think you’re moving on and miss you and br rebuilding mode after nc

Violet

March 10, 2016 at 8:22 am

I don’t think my first contact message went very well. I mentioned a fun time we had. He replied with “yeah that’s a good memory to have”. I didn’t reply.

Is he being dismissive? Do I send a text tomorrow or do I wait?

Violet

March 10, 2016 at 10:06 am

Update: while I was brainstorming better first contact messages he sent another text. Asked me how I’ve been. He seems cautious but friendly. I’m going to say I’m awesome etc and then use a conversation ending.

Do you think he’s being cautious or is this how guys friendzone a girl?
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 10, 2016 at 11:49 pm

Hi Violet,

it’s too early to say he’ s friendzoning you.. even though he took time at least he initiated a convo right?
Violet

March 10, 2016 at 9:47 am

Okay I re-read parts of the books (I bought all 3) and I realise that I used the wrong kind of message for first contact. I referred to a date we went on. But I’m struggling to think up first contact message ideas because we were only together for 3 months. I’m not sure what kind of references to make that don’t mention the relationship.

Lorna

March 8, 2016 at 10:55 pm

Hi Chris!
I’m so glad I’ve found your website. My boyfriend dumped me – we had only been together for three months and the relationship was not very intense (we were seeing each other usually once a week and we had our own separate lives) but it was really important for me and it had a huge impact on me. He broke up with me because he had figured out that he feels the best when he’s on his own and although he is attracted to me, he doesn’t love me and he believes that we cannot fulfill each other’s emotional needs, that we cannot be partners in life and that we will always feel lonely in a relationship. He has never had a relationship longer than ours so maybe that’s just how his inner insecurity works. What’s important, he truly wanted to remain friends with me because we share an intellectual and spiritual bond and I agreed to this. The breakup was pretty quiet and civil – no shouting, no harsh words, no begging, i didn’t even cry in front of him. Is it possible for me to get him back? And should I go through no contact for a month, even though we agreed on being friends?

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 9, 2016 at 6:37 pm

Hi Lorna,

I think so.. because you were the longest and he was honest with his feelings..how do you bond? how do you date? I think you can try to build the relationship instead.. I mean instead of pushing to get back.. be interesting by being the ungettable girl and presenting value

I'll be okay

March 8, 2016 at 4:04 pm

Hey Chris! I just wanted to say, thank you. I did not get my ex lover back, but after taking time to improve myself, i realized that i didnt need him. He was emotionally abusive and he led me on and treated me terribly. But this second rejection doesnt hurt nearly as bad. Im now in the best shape of my life, i have a strong group of friends that love me and want the best for me, and I talk to a counseler regularly. The world doesnt seem like its crumbling in fact it feels so very much brighter. I deserve only the best and he was no good for me, we both could admit to that. I wanted to say, the advice in your books and emails truly did work, and had i executed them better, perhaps he wouldve fell for me. I dont know. But now i no longer care. Because the recovery process was more for me than for him. I just wanna say, thanks again.

Chris Seiter

March 8, 2016 at 5:25 pm

I am so glad that you were able to come to this conclusion.

That’s kind of why I recommend self improvement during NC. Because no matter what happens with him you always have the strength of yourself to fall back on.

You are so welcome and if you need anything else please don’t hesitate to ask.

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