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Sha
July 14, 2017 at 1:30 pm
Hi Amor!
I was dating a guy (a very long distance) for 7 months, we spent a month living together at his place and were discussing the possibility to move together to close up the distance. But some weeks after I left instead of coming to visit me as it was planned he sent me a weird letter announcing 1we’d better be in casual relationship for now rather then be in serious committed relationship when we only see each other because of the distance 2 I opened him up for a potential of love he thought might not exist 3 he loves me in every way a person can love another 4hope we will continue talking seeing each other and sharing ideas.
I took it as a break up for sure even I was confused by the mix of feeling in it I thought he’s trying to be nice. Still I’m not sure you normally end break-up letters saying ”with love”.
I didn’t accept casual relationship of course since he told me before he was serious about me (but also confessed me his insecurities) and for me we were in love and going to something big and beautiful. Literally that was me who told him good bye and wishing him good luck (but I felt forced to).
I admit it was going too fast for a very ‘young’ relationship to want to move together after 6 months of dating. Crazy enough to want to slow down, but to go casual…that didn’t make sense for me. I thought he didn’t love me and was just cruel telling me he did and not wanting more than FwB…
I did a kind of nc but little one (10 days) and since we are texting each other for two months now. He often says he misses me but never suggests more (like a Skype date or something). Recently he started to call me all nice nicknames (he did it for a while) we used to use and then try to sex talk to me. I told him for me it was not casual and that I needed him to be my friend. First he agreed, acted nicely for a few days, then sent me a ‘friend style letter’ to inform me about his traveling plans and asking for my news, didn’t answer to my reply and basically started to withdraw himself.
I’m again devastated since I thought we were in our way to rebuild the connection.
What should I do? Saying it’s not casual for me sounded like an ultimatum for him? Was it a strategic mistake from my part?
Can you also say, please, is his way of bringing casual relationship is common in the US (since I’m not anglophone and have a limited experience in the american way of thinking)? Is it just normal (I had doubt since there were not only an email but quite a long process of him ignoring me then sending heartbreaking texts, existential talks and so on)? It all looked like he was teared apart but in the other hand he just ruined it all himself.
Thanks in advance for your advice!
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 14, 2017 at 7:27 pm
It looks like he friendzoned you and then he tried to be fwb.10 days is too short.. Do at least 30 days
XZ
July 13, 2017 at 8:17 am
My long distance boyfriend just decided that he doesn’t want to continue the relationship. We were together physically for 3 months and 10 months of LDR. My tourist visa to America was rejected, till then our relationship is a little unstable because he’s been stressing about what and where do he see himself in the future. I’ve been asking him if he is coming to see me instead and planning to close the distance but he said he has to be stable first in order to bring someone into his life forever, so he is trying to think about things.
However, he has decided to end things today. He said I frustrate him (probably by pressuring him) and this distance tears him apart and that he is not the type of person to be stressed about things and when it comes to us he is always stressed.
I’ve been trying to give him more space but he said It’s not working. He does not want this pain and stress anymore, it’s not a single thing and it not something that can be simply fixed.
I’m in despair now. I believe he still cares for me as we still talk and keep in touch with each other’s life daily before breaking up. What should I do? Will the no contact rule works?
XZ
July 20, 2017 at 4:58 am
Do you think I have a chance to reconcile or he is moving on and treating me as a friend by liking my photos?
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 25, 2017 at 8:16 am
It’s a good sign that he’s liking your posts.. You’re giving him more reasin to miss you, therefore increasing your chances
XZ
July 15, 2017 at 3:31 pm
We have no contact since the break up. I posted a selfie of my new hair cut on Instagram few hours after our break up, he liked the photo. Two days later I posted another picture of myself, he liked it too.
It’s making me feel sad because I’m not sure if he is doing it as a “friend” or he still has feelings for me. It’s giving me hope and it hurts.
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 14, 2017 at 4:14 pm
It’s not a guarantee that it will but it’s better than begging and chasing
Sasa
July 13, 2017 at 7:37 am
Hi,
I need help pls. I met a guy on his holidays to Asia and we hit it off. Ten I decided to visit him. He was so attentive and lovely yguy. He introduced me to his best friends. And we spent times together with his work buddy’s family. He was really happy to have me with him. I asked him how he felt about visiting him. And he said he felt great to have with me. We talked after I left and still seemed things are okay. After almost one month back my home country, he become cold and not responsive to my texts. Started not following through what he said he would call me. He blamed on time difference and got stressed with work. I gave him space. I checked him on two weeks later nc and he responded so slow and just say sorry, I wrote him a letter to admit how I feel about him and ask him to make it clear. He ignored and I didn’t nag him at all. Then next two weeks, I texted him about receiving my gift for his bd or not. He replied me with hey, princess….. then I waited for three days to reply him and made it so short. Just welcome…
He went for not text or call again for two weeks and I reached out to him by saying he should have called me to say he lost interested or seeing someone new. Then he said he is sorry and he has not felt what he thought he would feel when I left him. And he didn’t have any idea to tell me that. I accepted the truth and wished him all the best .and I said I m moving on with my life although I still miss him sometimes. It has been almost two weeks .Now I feel like I wanna text him again. Don’t know what to say. Pls help me. π I feel so depressed
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 14, 2017 at 2:52 pm
Hi Sasa,
Try the nc for at least 30 days and be active in improving yourself and in postinf and then slowly rebuild rapport after
Tessa
July 11, 2017 at 4:59 am
He wanted a pause since we’re far away but I knew it was bc he met a new girl and were dating.
The same day he blocked me and our mutual friends on social media, so that’s it, I never begged/tried to reach out
I completed the NC for more than half a year now. Recent months, he reached out to couple of my friends asking how I am, he also dm me once, of course I never replied. Looks like he comes from a friendly way idk
First time he contacted my friend, I thought he was bored bc he ended his rebound..
Then me… and my other friend like asking if I met someone…
1) I’m confused now, maybe he’s just bored?
2) Or that actually meant something?
3) Does he still have feelings for me?
I’d done so much to improve a better version of myself. After we separated, I travelled a few times for work and with friends. We used to love travelling together, so I have an idea, in my next trip I’ll send out a post card with a short message for first contact instead of a text,
4) is that a good idea?
5) Or should I reply to his last text?
Please give me some ideas, thank you so much
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 14, 2017 at 11:59 am
The text is better because it’s more casual.. You wont know what his real intentions are if you don’t talk to him.. Talk to him and observe, instead of making assumptions
Anna
July 8, 2017 at 2:56 am
I came to know that my bf is still hurt because of his ex who cheated on him because of which they broke up
We are in a LDR . I don’t how to respond to this so I asked him for a break for sometime till I get done with exams . Did I make the right decision of giving him his space ?
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 9, 2017 at 7:06 pm
Hi Anna,
When did they break up?
Nina
June 23, 2017 at 8:26 am
Hey,
I’ve been dating my boyfriend now for 2 years we werent really in (ldr) relationship but my parents arent okay with the idea of dating so i had to be careful that my parents not to know about it , but we were meeting every month or 2 weeks and sometimes we meet every 2 days and the longest time takes 2 months .. but now im moving on to other country so i can complete my study , we’ve talked about it and we were okay with that he said that he will try to visit when he can and the same way with me , and we planned to have vedio calls and face time more often.
2 days ago he suddenly said that we’re not for each other and we have to break up , my parents and my family are different that his family they’re more open-minded , he said the he is afraid to hurt me so he broke up with me .. and i cant believe what actually happened i missed him so much and im really suffering for what is happening to me now and when we first broke up he gave so much love he said that he cried for the first time in his life , and he will never find someone like me and he made me to promise him that I won’t harm myself such as not completing my studies or have drugs ..etc. .. i talk to him too much and we text but im the one who text first , i tell him my feelings im so broken , but he’s so rude with me now and harsh .. he says that he’s now regretting for making me so attached to him , and i have to move on and get used to it , i really dont understand him and what he really feels he never told what he really feels im so lost i don’t want to move on , i want him back im so lost and broken without him we used to talk 24/7 now maybe 10 minutes, i don’t know if he stopped loving me or anything he seems like he doesn’t care about me and I started feel kinda sticky , but I can’t stop texting him i missed him so much this 2 days broke me like no one can imagine .. im so lost i need help. I need him back
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 23, 2017 at 9:36 pm
Hi Nina,
maybe he got afraid because of the impending ldr.. are you going to try the advice above?
Gabrielle
June 19, 2017 at 6:27 pm
Hi Amber,
I don’t know why but I think my comment didn’t show up there, so i’ll just post it again: I just broke up with my 3 years boyfriend a week ago. We were on Long Distance Relationship for 2 years, but suddenly last week he said he didn’t love me anymore, then he started talking with this girl on Instagram. He also said that I was too busy with my life, and I didn’t have time with him anymore. I am so broken even until now. He blocked me on his Whatsapp, Wechat, and Instagram. The first day after we broke up, I begged him a lot but I now I already started the no-contact rule with him.
I was actually planning to see him in July, I already bought the ticket as well. He told me that he will meet me for 1 hour only because he doesn’t want to see me anymore. I am afraid he will change his mind and I have to beg him again to meet me later. What should I do? I really want to get back with him. π
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 22, 2017 at 2:59 pm
Dont beg..and check this:
The Grass is Greener Syndrome For Ex Boyfriends
Ann
June 18, 2017 at 6:40 pm
Me and my ex were together for 6 month when I was in the UK, and he insist that we can’t be together when I move back to Taiwan. since we are going to have long distant relationship. I thought he would just disappear because he just uses this as an excuse. But he told me he misses me and called me saying he just want to have a nice talk with me when I trying to reply his messages with less enthusiast and take longer than before. I am now going to move to Dublin which still going to be long distant but at least is closer. He knows it but he didnβt say anything about wanting me back just keep asking about my plan to Ireland. I really would want this to work but I am not sure if he just care about me as friend or want my attention because he is not finding anyone yet, and I know long distant is hard, but I am still hoping this would work out, so what should I so ?
Ann
August 9, 2017 at 9:42 am
Hello
I have clear the situation between me and my ex. I didn’t stick to what I should do on this website because wondering what is actually going on and unable to feel secure and certain is just too much energy and time. So in the end when I tell him this flirting and he still talk like we were together is just confusing (it wasn’t even me trying to treat him like a boyfriend), he just simply said, What do you want me to say? There is nothing I can do. For me, it was so irresponsible and made me think of all the insecure and bad feeling that his immature behavior brings out. Like he would constantly eye wondering or even turn his head to see the girl’s face that he didn’t get to see…..So maybe it is better to move on than waste time on this, cuz with all that I wouldn’t be able to trust him. Most of all he didn’t even say he loves me. Thank you for all the tips and advice you gave me. Hopefully, I will learn to know better and love myself more to be the ungettable girl and find a lovely guy who wouldn’t need me to put these efforts and unable to be myself in order to keep him. Thank you.
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 9, 2017 at 4:22 pm
You’re welcome Ann! We sincerely hope the best for you!
Anna
August 4, 2017 at 9:42 pm
Hello
Thank you for letting me know the situation and the advice. I start to notice that He would talk to me a lot on his day off, and always online, so probably like his social time on the phone when he doesn’t need to work. We would have ok conversation on the day, but if he goes back to work he would just send me emoji without saying anything or just say “sleepy” when he woke up. I know I should take it slow, but just send an emoji and expect me to respond is like I am just checking you if you are there with no effort really annoys me. I tried to ignore him by not respond to it when he does that, but I still wondering what can I do to make him want to have a quality conversation or at least something more than a lazy emoji or what are you gonna do today? …… doesn’t feel good to always get brushed off. Thank you!
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 6, 2017 at 6:51 pm
Then some days when he is not working, dont text him.. Be out, and then post.. And when you do, use topics that he’s interested in or topics he would be curios about. Dont text at work times if that’s a busy time for him
ANNA
August 1, 2017 at 8:52 am
Hello
So after seeing your reply, I started, I rested for almost a week, he showed up almost every day so and I only reply when I woke up and go to bed with an indifferent attitude. However, on Sunday morning he sent me a picture and saying he hurts his leg don’t know if he should go to the hospital. Obviously, he is still texting so he is fine, so I wait until the end of the day to reply (was suppose to end the rest on Tuesday) since I was in a psychology class. After we talked a little bit about his leg, he suggested talking on skype and I instinctively said yes (I am not sure if it can consider as the transition to phone call), we talked quite long which I am not sure is entirely right. but at least we were better than last week. and we keep talking next day. I am just wondering should I consider this as progress? and if it is what should I do to get it closer for him to think to get back together in and give long distance relationship another try (he had a three-year relationship and one of the years were long distance. they both cheated during that year and end badly because too many unrepaired feelings so he doesn’t trust himself that he can manage it with me and it is not fair for him as well , that’s what he said at least). Thank you!
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 1, 2017 at 5:12 pm
Yeah it’s a progress..juat keep in to not rush things… It’s really longer with ldr situations..just keep building rapport while having your owm life.
Ain
July 24, 2017 at 7:35 am
Hello, I took your advice, trying to stop talking to him for a few days, and he texted. However was in short texts again and again, and then I think I make a mistake by asking why he brushes me off after two days texting like that. He explained that he didn’t and we texted more, and feel ok until some point he start to freak out again when I ask his day. He was like I “is not like if i am busy then i am talking to girls” and I panic said to him “yeah, I am so nervous is she again, she is asking things from me.” ……………I think I made a really big mistake here. Even though after that he still say flirting things about why I go to a party in a bikini, but when I say compliment things or flirty things he wouldn’t respond to that. He still text me daily, and like my photos on social media, But I am not sure anymore. I have lost my faith completely and haven’t be really craft what I text him… think I not only won’t be able to get him to talk to me on the phone because he doesn’t call even when we were together, and maybe I even blow up the good vibe I finally build up! What should I do now? Think I need serious help, Thank you!
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 25, 2017 at 5:50 pm
Yeah, that was a mistake.. You need to avoid doing that because it will push him away.. rest again for at least a week.. If he initiates, reply and mirror his texts.. and be indifferent. If you’re trying to convey you’ve moved on and just being friend, you can’t be emotionally demanding from him. I know it hurts and it’s hard but think of it as you two being strangers. You’re just starting to make him interested in you. So, no negativity.
anna
July 18, 2017 at 7:14 pm
Hello!
ohhhhh, nooo, he asked! and no we haven’t process to phone call yet, he tried to call a long time ago but reception was really bad so we had to end without even chat. but I guess we can actually call with skype or sth. Now we talk quite a lot, and we flirt, but some how he started to ignore my messages a lot and answer with like one word. Feel like he talks to me but he is not in the mood or tries to pull off with a cold attitude, and if I ignore his message cuz I am not liking the vibe, he would just send me an emoji or random stuff which I find it insincere. Also, most of the time, when he text me is and have proper conversation always leads to a sexual topic. I am sort of ignore his random text at the moment, but I am not sure how to build up rapport anymore….
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 18, 2017 at 10:17 pm
That means you need to rest for a few days for now.. and then transition the next text to call
ania
July 15, 2017 at 5:12 am
Thank you for answering my questions! we chat a lot these days now, but I can sense he has been talking to other people as well, which makes me super insecure. and he said to me that I am such a good soul and good person after tried to ask nudes , also left comments on my instagram account and when he knows I am going night out he said he doesn’t want me to get hit on. I am worry that he trying to friend zone me? or is he feel bad about step over the line? or he is just saying nice things so I don’t feel bad, and he might start seeing someone else? You can tell I am confused by his acts and word. I nee help! Thank you!
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 18, 2017 at 2:23 pm
you asked him for nude pictures? have you progressed to calls?
amya
July 2, 2017 at 11:23 am
I know I have left another message for my question, but I have more question, sorry. so after that dick pick, I was scared to let him think he can use me emotionally and be fwb, after that he text me about he eaten too much and can’t sleep and I leave it until next day and initiate another interesting topic then he answered. I left it for a day agin, he left a message on my Instagram. But when I answer his message today, he answers short and left me on read…… what should I do ?
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 4, 2017 at 8:41 pm
Yeah you can extend the full moon a little and.. If he didn’t respond just rest for a day or two
aNNA
July 1, 2017 at 1:59 pm
I see, thank you, as I guessed. Never thought long distance can also be fwb, haha! So should I keep going create rapport or should I create more “full moon” time so he will take our conversation seriously again. Because before I always answer short and polite message, and he would answer long sentences, more like a proper conversation. But now he would just send random messages like what is he doing, or feels sick and can’t sleep…. but I think it is more like he needs attention from whoever he can get from… apparently I need more advice, since I thought things are going up heel but maybe is not… that you!
another annnie
June 29, 2017 at 3:48 pm
Hello
Sorry for some reason my laptop didn’t show that the comment was posted, so I post twice.
I got another interesting situation today. He initiates the conversation most of the time, and this week he been talking about stuff that to do with us, and even ask if something remind me of him, blablbal. After that I had a proper chat with him, and when he was talking about his week, he sent me his dick picture, not in a show off way, but telling me things about “it”. I reply calmly without getting engaged with the conversation by bringing something up and end the conversation with an excuse that i have to go. However, this behaviour makes me confused again. Can you give me some advice about why he did that, and talk things about us. Also, what should I do when text him in the future?
Thank you!
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 30, 2017 at 3:48 pm
I think he’s trying to be fwb..just dont initiate those kinds of topics and you did the right thing about not engaging in those convo
another annnie
June 26, 2017 at 2:27 am
Hello, I have finish NC and sent out the first message. The response I got from him was positive I would say. However, due to our time difference, our conversation always end up dragging for four days with one text to each other every day. and normally it is him who initiate conversation, I would just answer and when I stop talking he would just send out text with things that tell me about his life. Like he is having his day off not doing anything, I think is just he is bored and fancy a chat. But that leads to me that, I am not sure if I should keep building rapport with him or not. Because he did tell me that he have a tendency to keep in touch with exes and he did had flirty miss signal conversation with his previous ex until we start dating and they were supposed to meet for the meet up that was supposed to lead to sex. but had to cancel because we started date properly. I am just not sure why he would want to keep in touch so much and tell me about his life. Any advise that I should take it slow with building rapport or change the pattern of how we text or attitude of how i answering? because I am still keeping my reply in a polite way with not too much emotion. Thank you.
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 29, 2017 at 6:12 am
If you want to get him back yes you should keep building rapport and use interesting topics
Annnn
June 25, 2017 at 6:23 pm
Hello, yes I have tried no contact and succeed it and sent the first message with a pretty good reaction from him.
However, because of the time difference and his work, it is really hard to keep the conversation flows and end the conversation properly. Also when we were together, we hardly say goodnight or finish the conversation properly, he would just go to sleep or be busy with our things and left the text hanging, and I notice that and did the same. The only thing I know is that I know his working time pretty well, so I know for certain time he would check his phone for sure like when he woke up and after work. Since our first text after no contact, he has been telling me he is having day off and not doing things, tell me he really wants the breakfast we always have together, feels tired. Also if I ignore his message sometimes he would send another one. I am not sure if I should hold it and not show that much interest or I should see this as a positive thing and just follow the texting rules see if it will get better and better. I am really scared he trying to be close to me just because he is not seeing someone at the moment and just use me as emotional rebound. Because he told me that he did that to his ex and she was in the same situation as me, he was talking to her when he first starts talking to me and even had the plan to meet when she visits the country. He told me he planned to have sex with her back then, but he started to date me so had to cancel their meet up and she got really pissed. Obviously, because of the distance, he won’t be able to booty call me and we never had the flirting conversation after we separated. I just don’t see why would he want to send me messages that often and keep asking about my life? Since he never been like this when we were together and I am afraid he just try to keep me hanging on which I know he is good at it according to all the stories he told me about his exes. This makes me not sure how to respond his message, I am confused ….
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 21, 2017 at 3:49 pm
Why not try the advice above?
Fel
June 15, 2017 at 2:26 pm
So Iβve been together with my ex for 7 years (LDR). He is a nice guy, he donβt drugs or anything. We date since Feb 2010 and I went to US in August 2010. In 2012 we broke up (I said it) and we got back together in 2014. Even though we broke up, we still in contact. We broke up because our time different and bad communication so I was mad a lot of time. Moreover, his mom really like me so I asked her help when I want to get back. But, it was okay, after that we were so great together. We already thought about marriage, kids, and future together.
So in Feb until March we did not FaceTime that often because I was busy and also I only reply his chat short because I donβt feel like it. So in late March we broke up again. I said the word βletβs break upβ because he pushed me to go back home soon while I want to work here in the US (I am still thinking). 6 days after, he asked me to get back together. I said, βThis is not our first time. I donβt know. But, let me thinkβ. So 3 days after that, I finally said, lets get back. He said, βWhy I am not happy and excited when you want to get back. Let me think.β After that I started to tell my self, ok this is over. However, each week I really miss him to death so I texted him even though I decided not go get back. The truth is I am not okay, I just pretend to be okay. I thought he might feel bored.
In May 19th, I decided I want him back (kind of). I asked him, βAre you sure you want to break up?” He said, “Yes. We have too many differences. There is no way we get back together. It’s enough. 7 years is enough for us.”. So then I said okay and asked him to not contact me ever again.
Until I saw some website that said No Contact. So I started NC for 3 weeks to think and make the ill feeling gone. I finish I NC around June 9th which is several days ago. At the same day, I heard from his friend, he knew this one girl through his parents and started to keep in contact with her for a week. They never meet, only texting (chatting). Several days ago, I heard my ex said to his friend that this girl and him are pretty suitable for each other. So I donβt know what to do and asked his mother if my ex really like this girl and asked her to help me (yes I am desperate). After I finish taking with her, apparently she called my ex and asked him to clear our problem.
So then he said again: “I already told you. We are only friend. There is no way we gonna back together. I don’t love you anymore. I think it’s enough. We broke up before too. This is not our first time (yes he used my line), It is your fault you are too easy to say the word break up. I want to know her more. etc.” It makes me really sad. I mean I was fine for the past 2 months and here I am again, in the darkness. However, when we broke up before in 2012, he said almost the same things that makes me confuse if this is real or not.
After he said that, I told him I’ll be waiting and he kept telling me NO, he need to move on and want me to move on too. After several hours I said okay we are friend. After that incident I kept texted him. Asked his day, and yes just like normal chat without talk about it again. His response was good. He chat me a long text, like he is enjoying our conversation. However on June 13th, I texted him ‘good morning’ and he said βmorning. If you chat me everyday, how you gonna move on?”. I was so shock. I thought it was fine yesterday but why now.
I donβt know what I should do. I am in a LDR and this girl is only 30 mins away from him and I think he might attracted to her. I think because his parents introduces them. Everybody said I should move on, but should I really? I still want him. I don’t believe our 7 years will be gone in just a minute.Β
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Fel
August 21, 2017 at 6:39 pm
I heard he is dating this new girl now. I did not contact him. When we met during our friend’s wedding, i completely ignore him and he was just being nice try to say hi to me. What’s next? Move on?
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 22, 2017 at 9:54 pm
You last post was June, since then you’re still in nc now? If yes, how much did you improve yourself and how active were you in posting? Check this one:
What To Do After The No Contact Period
Fel
June 29, 2017 at 7:18 am
So I should start NC for 30 days even though we will be in the same country? I will be home only for 2 months though. Do you think he gonna get closer to that girl if I start NC again? π Thank you so much I really appreciate your help.
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 30, 2017 at 12:36 pm
Yup you should start nc.. Even of dont do nc, he will get close to her if he wants to
Fel
June 26, 2017 at 10:39 am
I am afraid if I don’t contact him, he will become more and more closer to that girl π
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 28, 2017 at 5:35 pm
Right now, you just look like you’re chasing him.. He’s making it clear that he just wants to be friends because he can see you’re trying to get him back.. Restart nc at least 30 days and then follow the advice on this one:
EBR 015: How To Get A Long Distance Boyfriend Back If He Has A New Girlfriend
Fel
June 26, 2017 at 9:23 am
How long I should not contact him? All my friends told me to contact him around a week after my arrival. I only will be in my home country for 2 months. I have limited time. Looking forward for your reply. Thanks!
Fel
June 24, 2017 at 3:43 pm
I sometimes think that he thinks I came to him because I knew he has this 3rd party. However it is my plan that doing NC and then contact him again. He knew this girl during NC is unexpected for me, and when I pursue him again he thinks I came to him because he has this girl. He said to me that he feels connected to this girl a week after he knew her. Do you think this is rebound or real?
Fel
June 24, 2017 at 3:25 pm
I kinnda active in posting.. he also knew where I go from my friend posting if I didn’t post it.. So what should I do now? Start a NC again (if yes, how long?) or just keep in contact? When he said that I always said “Im okay, I just text you as a friend, no more”. And I never start to talk about it, he is always the one who talk about it first. He asked me to find someone better, smarter and more successful one, and I said that those things doesn’t matter to me. But he said, we are now only friend. I confuse why he started the conversation like that at the first place, did he only want to tell me again we are friend or what? I’m not sure if I hurt his pride or something that makes him like this. I knew him for 7 years and he is like a totally different person now. Please guide me what to do now. Thanks.
Fel
June 23, 2017 at 5:01 pm
Yes, I felt so much better after the NC. I don’t get angry easily now. I exercise more, read more, etc. However, when I knew he meet this one girl I am scared. When I contact him again, his first response was positive and then getting bad. His reply took longer and always said “if we chat you can not move on” thing. I didn’t contact him for several days but he still takes forever to reply me. I am moving too fast? It has been 2 weeks after NC and his response getting bad, not better. Should I just not contact him and wait? IDK what to do.
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 23, 2017 at 9:50 pm
yeah, you’re rushing it but it looks like you weren’t active in posting, because he still thinks you’re not moving on. What did you say when he said that? And nope, don’t invite a meet up when you get there.
Fel
June 23, 2017 at 4:51 pm
Yes, I felt so much better after the NC. I exercise more, read more, etc. However, when I knew he meet this one girl I am scared. When I contact him again, his first response was positive and then getting bad. His reply took longer and always said “if we chat you can not move on” thing. I didn’t contact him for several days but he still takes forever to reply me. I am moving too fast? It has been 2 weeks after NC and his response getting bad not better. I am going back to my country next week and should I ask him to meet? Or just ignore him? Honestly I don’t know what to do now. Thanks.
Fel
June 21, 2017 at 9:27 pm
Hi Amor,
Thanks for getting back to me. I haven’t see your reply in a while. So after that we keep in contact by chatting. After a while, he asked me again that if we keep in contact, it will be hard for me to move on. He also talked about our past while I am not and showed that we have different opinion. He started to takes longer to reply my text after that and I did not reply his last text now. What should I do? It looks like our communication became better and then decrease, not like the advice.
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 23, 2017 at 12:58 pm
But have you done the no contact rule, improved yourself massively and were active in posting?
Fel
June 20, 2017 at 3:53 am
I did the ‘remember good times text’ but his response was ‘yea but now you do it with someone else, you can’t do it with me’. So this means really bad, right? What should I do?
Fel
June 20, 2017 at 3:30 am
After he said he wanted to reduce out text so I can move on (evening), I texted him at midnight, he did not reply my text until today π
Fel
June 20, 2017 at 3:26 am
Hi Amor,
Thanks for getting back to me. So I keep texted him. Later on he started to replied longer than usual and he finally (yesterday) said that he wanted to reduce out text. He said he is afraid I can not move on if we keep in contact. He also kept telling me to find a good guy, bla bla bla. What should I do now? I am going back to my country in 2 weeks, but seems like he doesn’t want to meet.
Fel
June 20, 2017 at 12:18 am
Hi Amor,
Thanks for getting back to me. So I keep texted him. It has been around 2 weeks. At first his replies are good, but later on he started to replied longer than usual and he finally (yesterday) said that he wanted to reduce out text. He said he is afraid I can not move on if we keep in contact. He also kept telling me to fins a good guy, bla bla bla. What should I do now? I am going back to my country in 2 weeks, but seems like he doesn’t want to meet.
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 16, 2017 at 8:31 pm
Hi Fel,
are you going to do the advice above?
Karen
June 14, 2017 at 10:14 pm
Here is my situational breakdown.
My ex is choosing Florida over me.
Iβve watched your videos and I agree that if my ex still loved me he would do anything to still be with me.– though he says he still does love me itβs just according to him βour lives are going in separate directionsβ. Iβve been watching a few Matthew Hussey videos, and he explained something that hit home to me, he explained that men can meet the woman they love and should be with, but they think itβs at the wrong time of their life because it would mean they couldnβt do all the things they thought they were supposed to get to do before they met the love of their life (i.e traveling, making money, meeting other people, or moving to f$&*cking Florida).
I am very late to the relationship game. I am-28-years-old, and he was my first boyfriendβin fact he was my first everything, yup thatβs right, everything. So emotions run pretty deep for me. Before he and I met, I was very involved in my studies, ending up pursuing a masterβs degree, and love fell to the waysideβit didnβt help that my standards are quite high. My ex and I met eleven months ago. It was through a dating app, but we ended up having a meet cute situation where we shared a mutual friend. So our lives started to intermingle, and before long we were boyfriend and girlfriend.
He and I stumbled upon each other when I was in a bad place, and he really brought me out of it. I invested a lot in him, especially since he is my first love, and I thought he felt deeply for meβor at least at one point he must have because two months ago I was offered a very prestigious position, but it required me to move four and half hours away, yet we continued seeing each other long distance. I tried to break up with him before moving, feeling like he wouldnβt be interested enough in investing enough into the relationship to make it work-but we both werenβt ready to give each other up so after two days of being βbroke upβ we were back together. During that break up, I did a lot of No Noβsβtexting angrily, posting sad things, checking his social mediaβ¦ so Iβm determined to do this right this time around to get him to realize he does love me, and he is going to regret his decision.
A week ago he called me late at night to say his father and stepmom have decided to move to Florida, and he thinks this is the perfect opportunity to move because now he will have family support and life will be rainbows and streets lined with gold there. Two months ago he wanted to try long distance, and now he is calling it quits.
To further the pain, he called a day before he was supposed to come with me to my sisterβs wedding. He said it just would have been too hard to face everyone who would be wondering when he would ask me to marry him. Itβs not the first time he has said he isnβt close to marriage (he is 26-years-old, not old but not a spring chicken). But again it rings solid that if he truly wanted me, it would be something he wanted with me someday, and that moving to Florida would be a harder decision than he made it out to be. During our first break up, he said things like he knew he might be making the wrong decision, and he knew what he would be losing if he left, and that I was the best partner he could ever hope for– but obviously that couldnβt be true or he couldnβt imagine not having me in his life.
I committed to staying in this town for at least 5 years, but then would have the opportunity to apply to other markets in other statesβbut apparently seeing that through was going to be too much for him, even though we could see each other just as much as we do now. My current job even does all-inclusive trips several times a year with plus ones, and he was getting to go with me to Hawaii, but breaking up and moving to Florida is better than that and me apparently.
Continuing our long distance wasnβt something I brought up to him the night he broke up with me, because I was too shocked and angry at being dumped right before my sisterβs wedding. A time that I was counting on the support I would need to get through the jealousy of seeing a younger sibling be promised to someone who loved her. And I wasnβt willing to let myself be the beggar, when he should want to stay with me. So I said mean things as he choked up and said he βjust didnβt know what to doβ, and he βdidnβt want it to hurt worse if we continuedβ (which was my argument when I broke up with him two months ago— and the night he broke up with me he had the audacity to try and say I wouldnβt let him go the first time around even though it was a mutual decision to try again) so I hung up.
To keep myself from doing as much damage post breakup as I did the last time, I havenβt had any contact with him, and plan on continuing through the 30 days. I didnβt see your video about unfriending on Facebook until I already had, so I donβt know how to rectify that mistake. Two days after the breakup he sent me a text saying βHey, I just want to sincerely apologize for what youβre going through. I can relate. I know itβs not fair, and itβs beyond rattling. I just hope that someday you can forgive me. Take careβ. I did not reply.
His family and I grew very close while we were dating, and they were truly hoping Iβd be the one for him-saying that they could all tell how much he loved me, and what an influence Iβve had on his life and making him a better man-so his decision is so confusing. His sister-in-law texted me, to let me know she wanted to stay friends and how stupid she thought he was, and even though I really felt like chiming in, I just laughed it off and scheduled time to see when I go visit so I could feed the right information about how βgreatβ my life is post break up down the pipeline to make it to him.
Iβm hurt, and I just didnβt see it coming, but I do still love him despite his extremely insensitive actions-and I have a sneaking suspicion he does love me, but has the stubborn mentality that he isnβt ready to be with me because he needs to experience all these others things in life. But I want him to feel the love he seems to have buried, and be made to realize that something like what we have canβt be found again with someone else, that fate and what is meant to be is a load of Bullsh%&t and we wonβt magically find our way back to each other, and it will be something he will deeply regret someday.
Iβm second best to Florida, Please help,
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 16, 2017 at 8:47 pm
just make your posts public and you can follow the advice above, since you have to approach like an ldr relationship from now on
Lily
June 1, 2017 at 5:44 pm
Hey Chris!
My ex and I dated for a year and a half and broke up 10 months back. Initially after the break up we’d still talk.. But I cut contact with him for 3-4 months (just a few texts here and there). Recently we started texting again and have been texting quite a bit. He finally called me today and we spoke for a few hours on the phone… How do I go about it from here? I won’t meet him in person till a few more months, and feel that it’s too soon to bring up the whole getting back together conversation.
How should I make myself absolutely irresistible and indispensable, and get him back given my current situation?
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 2, 2017 at 6:38 pm
are you active in your life and in posting in social media? how much are you improving yourself?
Prats
May 30, 2017 at 6:03 am
I and my ex were in relation from last 2 and half years from which 1 year is of long distance. We had our parents involved and were in talks to get married. Though our parents were not in favour of us getting married, we were determined to take our relationship to the next level. We were in process of convincing our respective parents to get us married. His parents somehow agreed for us, my parents didn’t but we still wanted to get married only after convincing both sides. There were ups and downs in our relationship as well but none of us cheated on each other. We were steady going trying to settle in our careers and at the same time convince our parents to get married. My ex had been quite frustrated with things at his office, trying to get a new job and our long distance relationship. We were not getting much time for each other from last 2 months. Only last month, suddenly he had a fight with his father and he started behaving differently. His frustration increased all the more. He told me he would switch off his phone for weekend and not want to talk to anyone. Be by himself in peace. I gave him that space. Monday morning, I was expecting his call and he called only to say that he has decided something. I asked what and he told he would tell me when he meets me, but I insisted on knowing that, that very moment. And he told me that he has decided to end the relationship. He has realised that he doesn’t feel the same for me. He has realised that he would never be able to be in relationship with anyone and even get married. He realised that he is not made for marriage. He won’t be able to be in a relationship forcefully. I tried explaining things, how time would make things better but he didn’t budge. He was persistent on his decision. I went on to meet him and explain him against his wish to meet. It was not fruitful. I then googled about getting the ex back and I came across this site and many other like this too. I have this belief he still loves me and I’m sure about it. I just don’t know how to make things work out. I need help on this. I am currently on no contact period from last 23 days and have not contacted him since last meeting him. Please help how do I go ahead next.
Prats
June 24, 2017 at 2:42 pm
The pregnancy thing happened in the month of March and my ex only had told me this at that time when we were still together and joining dots of his version of story he was being with that girl for the emotional support for what she was going through and he developed feelings for her. Also his version states that she got it aborted then and he believes they are better as a couple. Is he out of the me and never come back or atleast realize who is worth? Does this happen to just go away for ever in just a few days with no justifiable reason?
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 29, 2017 at 5:21 am
You need to let him go.. If you want him to regret doing this focus in yourself
Prats
June 23, 2017 at 12:31 am
2 days back I came to know that he cheated on me and started dating another girl at his current workplace and he conveniently broke up with me giving this reason that he doesn’t feel the same for me and proposed that other girl at the same time. He concealed the facts from his family and presented the story as I left him and got engaged to someone due to family pressure. I only came to know that he did this after talking to his brother. He confessed this to me when I blackmailed him that I would go to his father and tell him the truth. And out of fear he accepted the fact that he had crush on that other girl while he was with me. And so he decided to break up assuming we may not be successful in the relationship. He is now saying he would be happy with her and getting married in few months now.
PS. This other girl already had a fling with one of his friend just before he had crush on that other girl and she landed up getting pregnant out of breach of protection.
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 23, 2017 at 5:18 pm
the other is pregnant now with another man’s child? If he’s really set on getting married now, let him go. But if all those are just rumors, then when you’re feeling more rational, start to build rapport slowly.
Prats
June 21, 2017 at 1:34 pm
I just came to know that he cheated on me and started dating another girl at his current workplace and he conveniently dated me for some 2 to 3 months and had a crush on that other girl at the same time. He then broke up with me giving this reason that he doesn’t feel the same for me and started dating that other girl in the month of April. He said they are going to get married in few months. Do you think he would ever come back to me? He just left me shattered. What do I Do? Should I even expect him back or not?
Prats
June 16, 2017 at 9:45 am
I will do that but how would it make a difference in the process of getting him back? It’s been almost two months and I’m still waiting for him. About how long would he take to contact me again.
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 17, 2017 at 7:53 pm
dont wait..you can initiate.. but be active in improving yourself and in posting..so that when he gets curious, he can see you’re moving on and not going to chase..
check this:
How To Properly Start A Conversation With Your Ex After No Contact
Prats
June 12, 2017 at 4:45 pm
Ever since I read about developing self interests and being happy, I am constantly trying. And he being not present on any social networking apps, I didn’t make many posts except a few. I have not tried to contact him since the day I last met. Neither has he.
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 14, 2017 at 11:19 am
You have to be active in posting..so do that first..even if he is not active in social media
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 30, 2017 at 7:30 pm
how much did you improve yourself and how active were you in posting?
Jess
May 28, 2017 at 11:33 pm
Thank you for your advice.
I started the NC period last week but right before it he told me he really missed me after a discussion we had. So I got a bit confused because I don’t know if he misses my friendship or what, because he told me he loves me as he loves a friend. Is there any chance that this NC period just put him away or make him forget about me and move on since he leaves in another country and the fact that the major reason of why we broke up was because our relationship had cooled off ?
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 30, 2017 at 3:42 pm
if he moved on, that’s because he has long started to.. if you’re friendzoned, that means he has.. that’s why you need to get out of it by doing nc, and to have a chance of a restart.
Lily
May 22, 2017 at 2:57 am
I know its long but please respond. Hello i honestly need some advice I’m kind of going crazy right now . I’ve been reading your articles and they’ve been helpful but I need some specific advice for my specific situation. My name is Lily and my ex boyfriend name is Brian. We were friends for a year and he was kinda my rebound I was kinda his this was when we were friedns. this is long distance we have NEVER met . We are both high school students and he is graduating this may. so we developed love for each other. We finally got together in October and everything was good but it was hard for me to adjust from bestfriend to being in a relationship. We had a rough time and I feel like I was happy but I nagged him ALOT . throughout the relationship i have treated him poorly not TOO poorly but im very clingy and controlling and after a while he broke up with me and it was hard but we started talking a week after. eventually we got back together and things were kinda shaky we began arguing for those 2 months we were together and I had hoped things would look up. I tried my hardest but he tried then hed stop. He claims he just isn’t ready. So so we ended up breaking up a week ago he broke up with me saying he doesn’t love me as much and that he is not willing to try because he’s barely been able to keep me happy. He says it’s not something I did and that he wants to be friends . I begged him not to go telling him I love him and all that. in the end all he said was I love you but I don’t want to he said I was forcing him to stay. He thinks I’m super clingy which I may be. He ended up waiting till I fell asleep and promised he would call. me. the next day he didn’t call and hasn’t called since. Is this the end for us? He he said he’s honestly really done and I just asked why but he only sais because he doesn’t want the relationship. idk if I should let go or what but I REALLY really need the advice. Will he come back and be committed or should I not waste my time?
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 24, 2017 at 1:28 pm
did you have plans of meeting up? do you want to try the advice above?
Jess
May 20, 2017 at 11:30 pm
Hello,
I have been in a relationship for 5 years. 2 years together and 3 in a LDR. We kinda lost contact over time and we didn’t talk so often anymore. We decided to broke up because I was not giving him attention enough and I was hurting his feelings and I really needed him by my side. We kept in touch and after a month I tryied to get him back, but he didn’t want to no matter what I said. He told me that he is better now and that he suffered to much with our relationship because I have hurt him so bad. But he still want to be friends with me.
I am not sure of what I should do now. Should I proceed to NC rule? Will he forget about me or move along with his life because he is better now?
Please help me.
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 22, 2017 at 6:51 pm
HI Jess,
heβs trying to friendzone you, yes proceed with nc and try the advice above.
Jess
May 20, 2017 at 11:25 pm
Hello,
I have been in a relationship for 5 years. 2 years together and 3 in a LDR. We kinda lost contact over time and we didn’t talk so often anymore. We decided to broke up because I was not giving him attention enough and I was hurting his feelings and I really needed him by my side. We kept in touch and after a month I tryied to get him back, but he didn’t want to no matter what I said. He told me that he is better now and that he suffered to much with our relationship because I have hurt him so bad. But he still want to be friends with me.
I am not sure of what I should do now. Should I proceed to NC rule? Will he forget about me or move along with his life because he is better now?
Please help me.
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 22, 2017 at 6:50 pm
HI Jess,
he’s trying to friendzone you, yes proceed with nc and try the advice above.
J
May 19, 2017 at 5:57 pm
ahhh i already said happy bday before checking this site for your response π what now all he said was thank you
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 19, 2017 at 11:06 pm
owkie, just continue on in nc.. and don’t do it again..
Hninsimarn
May 17, 2017 at 6:57 am
Hi
I am hninsimarn and 22 years and i live in myanmar.my ex boyfriend is 33 years and he live in france .we met online and we were so close mind and we were so friendly and he came in myanmar and then we were lover
We really so deep love each other &kindly and tenderness each other and many promise for marriage and baby born.we was so happy by talking online and everytime connect and really deep love each other and sex share by phone and he so gave me kindness and safe feeling and always connect whatever he go. So care me . Next 6 months ..i heard one news
He has chinese woman in appartement and i felt so depress and broken heart and he deep cry and he appologize me so much and they are already separate and next two years they will divorce .now cann’t because of they have to sale their appartement .and then we ok and more closer and more share many talking about life and we was happy but i have doubt upon him in holidays often and i asked by negative way .he always explain and confidence give me .but last march 28 .i asked and he said me for comfirm for separate and he cried and i also cried.he said me..my love we have to .becuse of we are suffering about LD RS and this complicate situation .and he came in myanmar 2.apirl .and we deep love each other and kiss and sex many andmany tenderness and 4 .apirl he go alone our trip.he told me.he must surrender pressure .he need alome and need forget everything .he has risk for lose his job and stomatch also pain because of pressure and i also begged and followed him and he was so angry but we was sex and kiss and then he cancel my call and blocked me but he always talk with my sister and request her for care me and i also was sucide and hospital.he came to me and gave me flowers and then he come back to france and he contact me everyday and then 2 days once contact for 10 minutes and slowly slowly he far to me and more strange and he said my sis .i have to get forget him by day by day and slowly slowly.
Please help me by details advice and what should i do?
Thanks
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 19, 2017 at 7:21 pm
Hi Hninsimarn,
Are you going to do the no contact rule? did you mean for the next two years he will be living with his ex?
J
May 16, 2017 at 4:20 pm
its ok to say happy birthday and such in a few days correct? then go back to 1 year NC? even if he prob wont message back saying thank you but i do want to wish him a good bday etc
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 18, 2017 at 6:15 pm
you shouldn’t..that’s an opportunity to show that you don’t think about him because you’re moving on and not chasing anymore
Sloan
May 15, 2017 at 9:33 am
Hi,
Me and my boyfriend met online and dated for about a year but our relationship got a bit sour cause he had money problems and I got bored of not doing anything. Then it came to a sudden end when he did something bad for some quick money. We met up after A week and spoke about everything. Thing is we’re quite different people in terms of and views and beliefs etc but we always pushed those things to the side because of how much we loved each other. When we met up we realised they’re quite big things but we also realised there are some things we have in common. Anyway I told him I wanted to try again but he said he doesn’t feel like he can give me everything I need because he’s not in Avery good place right now and needs to get himself together and work on himself before being there for me. Which he’s 100% right about. That he ‘thinks’ it’s the right thing to do and it’s a heart vs head thing because he does actually want to be with me. He said he’ll most likely spend the next few weeks questioning that decision. So we kinda left the door ajar in terms of relationship but definitely open in terms of friendship in the future after some time though. – NC Time.
However, I am going to uni in a few months for 4 years (3 years but one year working abroad) and he’s starting business in Asia so he will be to and fro England and there. So that has always been something hanging over us. But he’s not sure how long that will last or if he’ll even enjoy it.
But I do want him back in the future but not sure what to do? What do you think in this situation? We both said that our love was something we’re never felt before. Our chemistry and passion and happiness we brought each other was more than either of us had ever felt in life. We kissed before we left and it was great. And we agreed that we’d never forget each other and that to be honest we don’t think we’ll ever find someone that can make us as happy as we made each other…
please help
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 15, 2017 at 4:35 pm
have you laid out a plan on how you’re going to do the advice above?