How To Get A Long Distance Relationship Ex Boyfriend Back

5,236 thoughts on “The Complete Guide To Getting An Ex Boyfriend Back In A Long Distance Relationship”

Renee

April 8, 2017 at 2:39 pm

My ex and I broke up 3 months ago, LDR never met in person. I was supposed to see him in march for spring break but decided not to go. He told me then that meeting in person wouldn’t change his mind about getting back together, then he thought about it and said “we’ll see what happens”. Well I decided not to go, he was very understanding and now have been planning to see each other next month. Well about a month ago he told me he doesn’t want a relationship at all now. And I haven’t heard from him in 2 weeks, he hasn’t reached out to me and I haven’t reached out to him. I’ve been contacting his mom and she said she talked to him and he told her he still plans on seeing me but doesn’t want a relationship, she asked him if seeing me would change anything and he said no and for her not to get involved. Should I still meet him next month? And is there a possibility his mind will change, we’ve never met in person so how does he know how he will feel when he sees me?

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 10, 2017 at 4:09 pm

nope..stop talking to his mom too.. just start the nc rule.. take this as a restart..

Olivia

April 8, 2017 at 1:03 pm

Thank u for the reply Amor!

So he contacted me a day ago. And said how sorry he was and he was not trying to fix things but just want to show me how sorry he was. I told him that something has to change if there was going to be a shot at us getting back together – first he needs to realise his mistake. I should have also added now that i think of it that i would like him to have better control of his emotions but throughout the conversation he has not once blown up. So he said that he will show me how sorry he is through his actions. The conversation went well, and he was sweet to me.

But the next day I found out that he was still talking to the girl that he cheated on me with. So I called him to ask him about it and he said yes. I told him I’m not comfortable with it, and that he had to make a choice – he said he did not want to and to give him time but I told him I could not live with the uncertainty and he should make the choice now. He said that he did not want to lose anyone anymore because the girl and the group he hangs out with have been there for him during the break up. He said before this he used to have me every day to talk to and it was his source of happiness and now he has only them – and i’m only coming back in august so he said he does not know how he would survive if not for them for the next four months. I said then that he has made his choice. He sounded sad, but he agreed and said that he’s sorry. I said the choice should not be that hard, if u know what u want, but i understand, friends stay for a lifetime. He said that OK he hopes we can remain friends too, i said yea of course but there won’t be much to say to each other anymore. He said if u really want to move on then, then we should cut contact – u can block me. I said that won’t be necessary. He said he has to cut contact if he wants to move on – i said ok but if u block me, i won’t have anything to do with u ever. He did not block me and he said that in august when i come back home, if we both still want to talk, we can meet.

That was the end of our call.

So tomorrow begins day 1 of no contact. What should i do? Should i do contact 30 days or go all the way till august when i come home? Thank you for taking time to read this 🙂

Also, he recently called yesterday, day 1 of no contact, but probably not a reaction to no contact. I did not pick up however. I know I shouldn’t but I’m so tempted to call back. How should I rationalise not calling back when I feel like I should? :/ Since then I’m day 2 into no contact and he has not contacted me.

Olivia

April 10, 2017 at 11:00 pm

Thanks for the advice Amor.

I know that our relationship is over alr and there is no point fretting over lost of things when it’s already gone, but I can’t help fearing that he will move on very easily. I try to stay positive and remember that it wasn’t easy for him too to let go of it, but can’t help wondering how he could in the first place :/ he said even after I had blocked him and then we agreed to talk that i was an amazing girl and that he wanted to say i love you but he knows he can’t now. He seemed sincere about wanting to make things right, but if he was, he wouldn’t find it that hard to not talk to the girl would he? (he said that it was easy if it was cutting off the girl, but they were in a group and it would have been awkward for him).

But at the same time, the reason why we broke up (the first time) was because i was not being a good girlfriend – not showing much appreciation, getting upset easily and angry – but now i realise that i should not have been like that especially since we were in a long distance relationship. I’m just afraid that he will remember more of the bad things than the good 🙁
Olivia

April 9, 2017 at 4:26 pm

Also he’s not following me anymore on instagram and no longer my friend on snapchat and he does not use facebook, all we have is whatsapp, he follows my friends though on insta. in this case, what do i do?
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 10, 2017 at 7:54 pm

just continue posting so that it’s there for him to see later on when he gets curious or for mutual friends to see and maybe ask him about you, about what they see..
Olivia

April 9, 2017 at 4:24 pm

OK thanks for the advice Amor 🙂

Unfortunately I have exams at the moment… and super busy studying for it, but i will try to be as active as possible! Is there a reason why you recommend 30 days instead of 45 days?

Thanks very much 🙂
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 9, 2017 at 3:44 pm

just do 45 days but be very active.. Make him feel that it’s his loss not yours through your activities and posts

E

April 6, 2017 at 1:18 pm

Hi,
My boyfriend broke up with me about two weeks ago because we kept having the same fight (will we or won’t we break up, I think it was a grass is greener thing on his part but he passed it off as a “I need to find myself” thing) A few days after he left back to long distance he called and told me that it was just going to be a break and we’d see each other when he’s back in early May, he had questioned whether or not he was in this for the right reasons (finding himself) and he wasn’t going to be with anyone else until he was over me. He then asked me if I wanted to talk through it and I said I didn’t know, and now he hasn’t tried to contact me since (it’s been a bit over a week) Should I just trust him on this while keeping up no contact? I had a moment of weakness on friday where I asked him to call me and he did and was very nice about it, but now the ball is back in his court and he hasn’t tried to get in touch. I’m having a lot of conflicting emotions, I’m angry and sad and disappointed every day he doesn’t try to get in touch. What should I do? Wait, try to move on, and realize that I have more value than just waiting here with open arms? I told him it would take a grand gesture in order to get me back and he said “that’ll happen but not yet” but I’m worried I diminished my stance on that by asking him to call me on Friday and telling him I miss him. I think the entirety of the issues in our relationship arose from our being so caught up in not losing each other that we forgot why we were with each other in the first place, and I made myself so available to him he forgot that I was someone worth chasing. Any advice?

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 8, 2017 at 5:24 pm

it sounds like he broke up with you, he’s just not man enough to say it straight

Penny

April 6, 2017 at 1:20 am

Hi Amor,

I know my chances are really low compared to others. Here’s my story.

I talked to this guy from tinder for about 6 months before getting to meet in person (different continents). Before we met, I told him i like him. He said he only see me as a friend. I asked him for one thing: just don’t build a wall and think that it’s impossible when we meet. He told me right at the start he doesn’t want LDR.

We met. He said it was more than friends. I came home.

For the first month I was whiny and shit. 2nd month improved a little. 2 weeks ago i pre-empt him about going to visit. The next day, he brought up travelling together.

The following day we talked about how happy we were when we were together. I brought up the trip… And he said if we do the trip he would be really sad when t ends and he would go into depression. He wants to feel, but not like this. So it went from he will think about the trip, to 99% no trip, to “i think we should move on”. He said he would still want me to be his friend because he still want me in his life. He agreed to go day by day, but still say we should move on. I think he already did.

I will be there in a year as I plan to do further studies. What should I do? I know that if we meet, he would feel. Problem now is he doesn’t want to meet. He doesn’t want me to fly just to see him.

I have been initiating messages almost daily since then and it’s been about a month and a few days now. (4th march was when he said we should move on). Last week conversation went well, we had long conversations, he did sort of initiate messages. This week it’s downhill. We have barely talked, just one snap from me to continue the streak. I am ok if we are “friends” and meet in a year… But a year is a long time. I don’t know how long more can he be single

Am I too late to do NC? would NC allow him to move on completely? It feels to me that everyday he is moving on further. And then he’ll be back to talking a lot. This pattern is due to his work schedule. When he work, he has more time to talk to me because he has to get up early. When he doesn’t, he will have his friends/brothers visiting him, playing games and stuff.

I’m sorry for such a long post. I am well aware that my chances are much lower than others… But I really do want him in my life and back to talking. Do I start nc immediately?

Penny

April 10, 2017 at 6:34 am

Hi amor,

If sticking around isn’t going to help, would NC help?
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 10, 2017 at 8:37 pm

if you focus in healing and improving yourself massively during and after nc and posting in social media, yes, nc would help increase your chances.
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 7, 2017 at 6:48 pm

keeping on talking to him now is not going to help you too.. So, start nc immediately..

AZ

April 5, 2017 at 4:44 am

Hi,

Was just wondering what is your take on my situation.

Was with ex for 9 months. we had quarrels now and then. Had a big blow up in mid February as i wanted him to spend more time with me. He asked for a few days of space as he claimed it has left him mentally drained. I gave him a few days and initiated contact. He replied and we chatted normally, though the number of texts decreased dramatically. He told me he needs time to consider how we can move forward as he is still undecided.

Anyway, we texted daily after that for 1.5 months (he limits the numbers of text a day to 3-4 texts). But he never made any decision. I brought it up sometimes but he just kept telling me he is still considering. Anyway, about 10 days ago, i decided it was going nowhere and i did not want to be in this no man’s land. I did not reply to his last text and decided to go NC instead for my own sanity and mental-being. It is my 9th days now and he has yet to reach out to me at all.

After the big fight, i did not chase him. I would reply his text if he replied mine, i never went crazy on texting him. what i said to him was i am still open for discussion and maybe see where we can take this relationship forward but he kinda refuse to even have a discussion with me. So i am not really sure if we have even broken up at all or his refusal to even discuss this is sort of a soft rejection in itself.

He is very stubborn and prideful so i am guessing even if i am successful in completing my 30 days NC, he probably will not reach out to me. I never told him that i needed space or something, i just did not reply to his last text too. I am not sure how he will take that too. I am not sure either if he knows about NC rule.

What do you think though?

AZ

April 6, 2017 at 2:47 am

Yes. i am actively trying to improve myself. and in a way, I am doing this NC for myself so i can let go too.

Not gonna lie but there is little tiny bit of hope that he might contact me too hahaha

3 days into NC, i noticed he deleted his dating profile (where we initially knew each other) and he has not logged in into it for the last 6 months.
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 5, 2017 at 5:50 pm

Hi AZ,

you have to be active in improving yourself and in posting because in that way he will see that you’re moving on and not just being stubborn on him too.

Cait

April 5, 2017 at 2:09 am

What is your view on using tinder to create jealousy in the NC period? Would him coming across me on there backfire? Also, he leaves in a few weeks to go home overseas, for good. How do I handle this? What should I do if he asks to see me before he leaves? Do I let him go without speaking to him or do I break NC just before he leaves?

Cait

April 6, 2017 at 7:21 am

We broke up just over a week ago. We were together almost 5 months but we spent 3 and a half months together everyday. I broke up with him because we had been having problems, mainly influenced by living in a high stress environment which wouldn’t have lasted forever. I regretted my decision as it was made in haste and anger and contacted him the next day offering to have a proper discussion about the problems and how to fix them and move forward. He said he doesn’t want to talk about the problems or get back together and to not contact him.
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 7, 2017 at 7:25 pm

it’s ok to use tinder.. just dont post any direct post that you’re kissing or about to kiss a guy.. keep it mysterious
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 5, 2017 at 5:33 pm

Hi Cait,

when and why did you break up and how long was the relationship?

Khloe

April 4, 2017 at 8:16 am

I broke up with my ex boyfriend as he’s not willing to fork out the money to see me and then proceeded to tell me the relationship is not working. Throughout our entire relationship, I have been the one compromising most of the time while he is selfish. It’s been a week of no contact and I have blocked him off Facebook. Even though I was the one who initiated the break up, I still love him deeply and wish that deep down he would put in more effort into the relationship. What do I do?

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 4, 2017 at 5:47 pm

Hi Khloe,

You can still use the advice above.. but it can’t change another person.. check this one:
Do You Have The Same Values As Your Ex? (With Chase Kosterlitz)

Olivia

April 2, 2017 at 1:33 pm

My boyfriend and I of 1 and a half years broke up a month ago but we had been trying to work things. During this time, he cheated on me while he was out with a group of friends and got drunk and did not treat me as nicely anymore, so i wanted to end things for good even when i still have feelings for him. He was upset and said a lot of horrible things during our final phone call, “I never loved you” and said a lot of horrible things along those lines, and said he would continue to that friend of his that he kissed. After that i blocked him on every social media and deleted him off my phone and social media. His last message to me was 30 minutes after the awful phone call saying how sorry he was and not to think that he never loved me for a second, and that i was his world from day 1 and he messed up. I do miss him and still love him, but the person he is now is not the person I can be with, maybe a few months down the road, but not now. What should i do? We are in long distance.

Olivia

April 7, 2017 at 11:26 pm

Thank u for the reply Amor!

So he contacted me a day ago. And said how sorry he was and he was not trying to fix things but just want to show me how sorry he was. I told him that something has to change if there was going to be a shot at us getting back together – first he needs to realise his mistake. I should have also added now that i think of it that i would like him to have better control of his emotions but throughout the conversation he has not once blown up. So he said that he will show me how sorry he is through his actions. The conversation went well, and he was sweet to me.

But the next day I found out that he was still talking to the girl that he cheated on me with. So I called him to ask him about it and he said yes. I told him I’m not comfortable with it, and that he had to make a choice – he said he did not want to and to give him time but I told him I could not live with the uncertainty and he should make the choice now. He said that he did not want to lose anyone anymore because the girl and the group he hangs out with have been there for him during the break up. He said before this he used to have me every day to talk to and it was his source of happiness and now he has only them – and i’m only coming back in august so he said he does not know how he would survive if not for them for the next four months. I said then that he has made his choice. He sounded sad, but he agreed and said that he’s sorry. I said the choice should not be that hard, if u know what u want, but i understand, friends stay for a lifetime. He said that OK he hopes we can remain friends too, i said yea of course but there won’t be much to say to each other anymore. He said if u really want to move on then, then we should cut contact – u can block me. I said that won’t be necessary. He said he has to cut contact if he wants to move on – i said ok but if u block me, i won’t have anything to do with u ever. He did not block me and he said that in august when i come back home, if we both still want to talk, we can meet.

That was the end of our call.

So tomorrow begins day 1 of no contact. What should i do? Should i do no contact 30 days or go all the way till august when i come home? Thank you for taking time to read this 🙂
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 9, 2017 at 3:44 pm

just do 45 days but be very active.. Make him feel that it’s his loss not yours through your activities and posts
Olivia

April 7, 2017 at 2:55 am

*no contact of 30 days i mean
Olivia

April 7, 2017 at 2:53 am

Thank u for the reply Amor!

So he contacted me a day ago. And said how sorry he was and he was not trying to fix things but just want to show me how sorry he was. I told him that something has to change if there was going to be a shot at us getting back together – first he needs to realise his mistake. I should have also added now that i think of it that i would like him to have better control of his emotions but throughout the conversation he has not once blown up. So he said that he will show me how sorry he is through his actions. The conversation went well, and he was sweet to me.

But the next day I found out that he was still talking to the girl that he cheated on me with. So I called him to ask him about it and he said yes. I told him I’m not comfortable with it, and that he had to make a choice – he said he did not want to and to give him time but I told him I could not live with the uncertainty and he should make the choice now. He said that he did not want to lose anyone anymore because the girl and the group he hangs out with have been there for him during the break up. He said before this he used to have me every day to talk to and it was his source of happiness and now he has only them – and i’m only coming back in august so he said he does not know how he would survive if not for them for the next four months. I said then that he has made his choice. He sounded sad, but he agreed and said that he’s sorry. I said the choice should not be that hard, if u know what u want, but i understand, friends stay for a lifetime. He said that OK he hopes we can remain friends too, i said yea of course but there won’t be much to say to each other anymore. He said if u really want to move on then, then we should cut contact – u can block me. I said that won’t be necessary. He said he has to cut contact if he wants to move on – i said ok but if u block me, i won’t have anything to do with u ever. He did not block me and he said that in august when i come back home, if we both still want to talk, we can meet.

That was the end of our call.

So tomorrow begins day 1 of no contact. What should i do? Should i do contact 30 days or go all the way till august when i come home? Thank you for taking time to read this 🙂
Olivia

April 6, 2017 at 10:35 pm

Thank u for the reply Amor!

So he contacted me a day ago. And said how sorry he was and he was not trying to fix things but just want to show me how sorry he was. I told him that something has to change if there was going to be a shot at us getting back together – first he needs to realise his mistake. I should have also added now that i think of it that i would like him to have better control of his emotions but throughout the conversation he has not once blown up. So he said that he will show me how sorry he is through his actions. The conversation went well, and he was sweet to me.

But the next day I found out that he was still talking to the girl that he cheated on me with. So I called him to ask him about it and he said yes. I told him I’m not comfortable with it, and that he had to make a choice – he said he did not want to and to give him time but I told him I could not live with the uncertainty and he should make the choice now. He said that he did not want to lose anyone anymore because the girl and the group he hangs out with have been there for him during the break up. He said before this he used to have me every day to talk to and it was his source of happiness and now he has only them – and i’m only coming back in august so he said he does not know how he would survive if not for them for the next four months. I said then that he has made his choice. He sounded sad, but he agreed and said that he’s sorry. I said the choice should not be that hard, if u know what u want, but i understand, friends stay for a lifetime. He said that OK he hopes we can remain friends too, i said yea of course but there won’t be much to say to each other anymore. He said if u really want to move on then, then we should cut contact – u can block me. I said that won’t be necessary. He said he has to cut contact if he wants to move on – i said ok but if u block me, i won’t have anything to do with u ever. He did not block me and he said that in august when i come back home, if we both still want to talk, we can meet.

That was the end of our call.

So tomorrow begins day 1 of no contact. What should i do? Should i do contact 30 days or go all the way till august when i come home? Thank you for taking time to read this 🙂
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 9, 2017 at 3:44 pm

just do 45 days but be very active.. Make him feel that it’s his loss not yours through your activities and posts
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 3, 2017 at 4:33 pm

Hi Olivia,

did you tell him what you wanted to change?

Sheryl

March 30, 2017 at 6:49 am

Hi Amor its me again! Going to start a new comment, hope you don’t mind? So basically Im into almost 4th week of NC.

27 March 2017: (as per my request previously when I tried to be friends with him but failed) He updated me about his life and his lessons on teaching english as a foreign language on the penpal website that we met. Also, as immediately after the break, I sent a lot of messages there which were quite heartbreaking and asking for answers and that sort of thing. He basically addressed 2 issues, saying theres no other girl and that it was not a game to him and he hoped that after some time to think through it clearly as well? However, he said that he didn’t want this (I assume writing there) to be a habit as he doesn’t have internet at the moment and going on to the website on his PC takes a huge load of his data, but he updated me since I told him to. He asked be briefly about my life and also the parcel he sent me as well in a sentence. As well as ended off with a friendly comment.

29 March 2017: So I only read the message he sent 2 days ago only recently and he was online on the website a few hours after. Basically, he also updated his profile on 26 March before replying me only one day later.

Question now is: Do I pretend to be over him? And say I am doing good, been on a few dates but they don’t seem right? Or do I not reply him at all, as it seems that he isn’t truly interested in knowing whats happening and that he’s extremely fixated on his decision not to get back? And if I do reply, do I reply on the website or on text (as I have his number) and am not blocked…?

Thing is if I follow contact after NC rule as above, it didn’t really mention about replying messages so I’m not sure if I should proceed with replying or starting a new conversation:) Thank you:)

Sheryl

April 3, 2017 at 3:04 am

Hi Amor,
I didn’t send that message to tell him to update during the NC period. But…

Sadly I broke the NC a few days short of 30 days. So basically I replied him on text instead of the Website.. Updating him about my life eg family members admitted into hospital, meeting new friends but it didn’t seem right, doing some dance classes and volunteering, basically like an update to my life. But he superficially replied to me in 30min, didn’t show much deep interest and also updated me that he is quite busy with assignments and exams. And he ended the conversation abruptly (although I read Chris’s guide that I should be the one ending the convo abruptly). That was Thursday 29 March.. I replied him on 30March, tried to continue the conversation and ask about his assignments, keeping a light tone. But till now, he has not replied.

I’ve been occasionally updating my Facebook (but I’m still blocked by him). I did not update my website much that we are still friends on though as I’m not active there.

It may mean he’s busy, but it might also mean that he does not want to even communicate. What should I do? Be in NC again? 🙁 thanks
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 4, 2017 at 11:25 am

I think you need to do a two week nc, and then start it slowly like how Chris advised.
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 30, 2017 at 5:40 pm

Hi Sheryl,

you’re in nc yet, so don’t reply. You didn’t send the previous message during right? did you improve yourself and were you active in posting?

Carey

March 27, 2017 at 6:39 pm

I am attempting no-contact and have made it 11 days so far. My situation isn’t really an ex boyfriend recovery and I am not certain the NC applies.

I am in love with my best friend and have been for a year and a half. we flirted very seriously for roughly 6 months and then he got cold feet and said I had changed. A lot of other things are going on in his life, so I am not certain if it was me or his insecurities playing a role. He never gave me details as to how I changed, even though I asked for clarification.

Long story short, the last time I had any real conversation with him, I told him that I loved him and wasn’t interested in being just his best friend anymore. We both came from emotionally abusive marriages and have been there for each other through ending those. However, I realized I was in love with my best friend.

He is very much aware of it and has said that he would rather have me in his life in 20 years than to screw up our friendship by having a relationship at the wrong time. He also said that he was scared of risking our friendship by starting a relationship. I told him that we already took that risk when we both admitted to having strong feelings for one another. He then said my confession made him feel “like shit” because I was so open and honest about it and his life is a mess. He then stated he felt he needed to re-establish his relationship with God and that he wasn’t interested in me.

Now, the conversation also centered on our previous stall. He said at the time he changed his mind that I was free to date other people and he encouraged it. In that time, I DID date several men, but none amounted to anything because I couldn’t get my best friend out of my mind. My best friend openly admitted to being angered and upset that I actually dated other men. What gives?

The conversation ended nicely and I left it up to him to contact me after that. He texted a few times over the next few days and I always responded. However, I have refused to initiate texting because I am doing NC and will succeed this time. We have taken spells apart before, but we always discussed it. This time, I barely responded to his attempts at conversation. He hurt me and I am working on that aspect as well as improving my life (grad school and job searching out of state).

He has made no attempt at contact since March 16 when he sent me a Leprechaun Name meme. I suppose I just need advice on whether the NC works on a man who you never really dated, but spoke to every day, and attempted a LDR with. Is the possibility there to make him see how perfect we would be even if we never dated by using the NC?

Carey

April 5, 2017 at 8:14 pm

Okay. I am just confused because we are not friends on social media. We were years ago, but he has since ended his FB account. He has Instagram and SnapChat because of his daughters, but I do not follow him and he does not follow me. Should I request to follow him or should I leave it until after the 30 days (day 20 today)?
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 7, 2017 at 6:31 pm

leave i..follow or send an invite when you’ve already built rapport..
Carey

April 3, 2017 at 4:44 pm

I started a SnapChat account. Now, I am on day 18 of NC. Do I add him on Snap or do I wait until the 30 days is up?
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 4, 2017 at 3:17 pm

I’m not active in snapchat.. but the purpose of the posts is for him to have something to see when he gets curious. So, it would be better if you post in instagram or Facebook and then make your posts public.. because in snapchat, the posts are gone after 24 hours.
Carey

March 31, 2017 at 2:20 pm

What if he doesn’t have social media or we are not connected on the platforms he uses? He has SnapChat, but I do not. I have Facebook, but he does not.

I have started the improvement process and also been out with friends, but don’t have pictures to prove that since we were too much into having fun to snap a pic.
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 31, 2017 at 10:18 pm

have a snap chat and post in your Facebook account.. he’ll get curious now or when you’re starting to build rapport.. so, you need to be active
Carey

March 29, 2017 at 3:34 pm

Yes, we have done very brief periods of no contact. Probably a total of twice in the past year. Before I would tell him that I needed space. He would wait a week to 10 days and contact me. I would respond and right away he would go back to treating me more like a girlfriend than a best friend. I have made no attempt to contact him (Day 13 of NC) and he has made no attempt either.
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 30, 2017 at 3:21 pm

ok this time stick to at least 30 days. If he messages you how are yous, dont reply. If you didn’t start improving yourself and being active in posting in social media in the past days, restart the count
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 28, 2017 at 5:32 pm

Hi Carey,

there’s no guarantee that it will.. have you done nc before? how many times?

Katie

March 27, 2017 at 4:15 pm

So I have been NC with my LD ex bf for about 8 days now and he has reached out to me a few times. Some to ask me if I have moved on and also to ask me multiple times for his stuff back. I sent him his stuff and I havent had any other contact since then. He posted a picture on social media about how he will be back in town in 5 days for work and at the same time, deleted all the captions off the pictures he posted of us. The pictures are all still up, but the sweet notes underneath them, all gone. I have been active posting on snapchat when going out and I know he’s seen that. I’m wondering why he waited a week to delete the captions? Does he want a rise out of me? Does he want me to text him? or has he moved on to another girl? There is one that i feel like he moved on to but I have no idea why he would delete the caption and not the pictures. To me, thats just evil. What do you think his reasoning may be? and what should i do?

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 28, 2017 at 5:24 pm

Hi Katie,

when did you break up? ignore it, that’s just to see if you would react..

Katie Greenleaf

March 27, 2017 at 4:10 pm

So I have been NC with my LD ex bf for about 8 days now and he has reached out to me a few times. Some to ask me if I have moved on and also to ask me multiple times for his stuff back. I sent him his stuff and I havent had any other contact since then. He posted a picture on social media about how he will be back in town in 5 days for work and at the same time, deleted all the captions off the pictures he posted of us. The pictures are all still up, but the sweet notes underneath them, all gone. I have been active posting on snapchat when going out and I know he’s seen that. I’m wondering why he waited a week to delete the captions? Does he want a rise out of me? Does he want me to text him? or has he moved on to another girl? There is one that i feel like he moved on to but I have no idea why he would delete the caption and not the pictures. To me, thats just evil. What do you think his reasoning may be? and what should i do?

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 28, 2017 at 5:24 pm

Hi Katie,

when did you break up? ignore it, that’s just to see if you would react..

J

March 26, 2017 at 10:58 pm

yup i messed everything up………idk why he became so coldhearted
J

March 24, 2017 at 2:59 pm

why DO I KEEP DOING THIS??? Its like I know i cant keep chasing, but i cant stop. Its like my mind keeps saying keep asking him if he can give a second chance and why he wont??? So ive asked him alrady these past 2 days non stop….and he kept saying have fun with ur life i dont want to be with u ever. do you think he means it????? i need to stop chasing him i know. which i will do. but i just feel like i lost someone i loved so much. and now every girl is after him when hes back that i lost him even more WHAT CAN I DO. i have a year to fix this before he gets back…..do you think this will work at all? if i didnt talk to him for a year

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 26, 2017 at 7:29 am

if you’re still going to chase him like that, and you dont improve, it wont work

J

March 23, 2017 at 3:26 pm

All he does is keep saying i dont want to ever be with you again and how he just doesnt wanna give me another chance. Like he wont give me a real reason WHY.

I have a year to decide to just stop contact all together before he gets back from military. I dont know if 1 year is enough time because he said hes 100% sure he never wants me back so it def is in his mind to def never make it happen again
Erika

March 22, 2017 at 1:49 pm

Hey!

Can you please help me? I just need an advice… I’ve been stubborn, I suppose, and now, I think that having my ex bf to come back is getting harder every time…

I’ve been with my ex for 3 years. We met in Asia, he’s from Europe. We went to the same college together (he was an exchange student & he graduated on 2015); we weren’t classmates. We met through a common friend – at a bar – I didn’t really like him that time. Typically, he did all the chasing and guy stuff – then I fell for him.

Fast-forward, we had a great time together. He was the best guy I ever had and I knew he was the one I wanted (I was his first serious girlfriend). He extended his stay (although the term was over) to a year, for me (I didn’t know it that time, but when he told me this I knew I’ll love him too much). We were in a LDR for a lot of times. But during, he made it a point to visit me (as I am still studying; I still have a year to finish), moreover, he even stayed back in Asia and found a work to be able to be with me (it lasted for a year)…

I think we had an on and off kind of a relationship. He first officially broke up with me (and I know it’s my fault as I am too jealous and not trusting. I assumed a lot, too.) on June 2015, during our (2nd) LDR, after his graduation – I was holding on him too tightly,I was so controlling and all — I was afraid of losing him. So I ended up doing all the wrong things a woman could’ve possibly done. I thought I had no chance, so I started moving on, of course I wanted him back, but I knew it was impossible at the moment because I was still studying… During this time he didn’t have a lot of friends; I’m thinking maybe that’s why he only came back because he’s bored in Europe.

I don’t remember if I was able to do the whole 1 month NC without slip ups. But after 2 months, he told me that he couldn’t make a decision about studying that time and something (because he still wants to study baking; he wants to have his own bakeshop)… During this time we were already texting, and I was on my way to moving on so I didn’t really know what he was talking about (though I was kind of hoping ). Then after a few weeks, he said that he bought a ticket and he’s going back to Asia. I didn’t believe it, but I was shocked, excited and happy… I told him prove it. And he did went back… During our break that time, he was asking his bestfriend, our common friend, about me; so yeah, he’s been telling my ex about the stuff I do since I hanged with him and everyone in the group all the time after the break up.

Moving on, things were okay until I went crazy again. That’s for half a year. He said nothing has changed… And then he broke up with me again.

You see, he’s someone with a low confidence, he was so innocent, he’s very shy. And I like those in him, and I ty to help him build himself up (which I now know he’s actually doing okay with it). But I think that’s why he always lie to me; he doesn’t want to make me mad as he had always spoiled me. I told him to be just honest with me and I’ll take it instead of lying about even the tiniest of stuff. I hate it too much, that whenever I caught him lying, I would go investigate and then fight him about it. But I swear, all topic are only about girls… It’s because I’m insecure about it. I wasn’t before though… A lot are after him. But he’s been very loyal, and every time there’ll be girls/others around him, he’ll make it a point to show them that he’s with me… But yes, i was too afraid to lose him so I gripped on him tightly… 🙁

So that 2nd break up lasted for 2-3 months. He was still in Asia. During this breakup he went on Tinder and even dated. He even kissed a girl in front of me — he said it’s for me to move on. I then tried to understand why he did it even though I wanted to kill him. So you see? It’s hard for me to trust him with girls… I know other things added to it too, as he wasn’t happy with his job (he only took it for me). Another is that his brother was getting married on August 2016, so he had to go back to Europe. He bought a ticket in April after we broke up. But then I didn’t lose hope. I knew he was going back… He did and we were together again until his last months of staying in Asia, and during our LDR. That’s for 7 months.

Out last break up was in December 2016, on our anniversary. A total jerk. But I don’t know, I still can’t get myself mad at him as I understand him, and I know that it’s my, again, behavior (this time it’s a different one; about social media and those I asked about him (so not cool!) – but then it’s about the girls again). Because of me he didn’t have much girl friends and he stopped talking to the old ones because of me. He doesn’t talk to other girls, too during our LDR and I believe that. I realized that it wasn’t fair for him, nor right. So during our last breakup, he added those old friends and some new ones from his work there. He said he wasn’t talking to them… I think it was just for show. Until one day in January 2017, we weren’t talking much… He then he saw my IG, me following my old guy friends – i admit to being immature as I did what he did. He was so mad but what made him even more pissed was because of me asking the two girls from his work… He said I never changed. I’m stubborn… but I just want to know the truth… so we stopped talking again. And again, the same thing happened in February (he messaged me first because of my birthday); things we okay for a week, then the same thing. Only this time he told me that the new friend was “cool” and that he would want to get to know her. I suppose he only said that to make me stop bugging him and those girls and that he was jealous because another European guy added and talked to me on FB (and I know he was jealous), because two days prior to that, he told me that he misses and loves me… For he first time again. But then I was too stubborn.

Now, March, we last texted about 2-3 days ago.
He said that I always assume (this time I don’t ask the new girls and I don’t want to anymore)…

The thing I don’t get is when he would always make up an excuse like he’s busy (when he really isn’t not; I know because he only works, surf and play video games at home. Maybe now he has new friends). And this excuse only comes up when there’s a new girl he just met (I’ll know this because a new girl always follows him on IG – I always check. It doesn’t do me any good, so I decided to stop once and for all)…

Now, we stopped talking again. He said he’s busy. All of the sudden again, after one week, again. And that he already ended things between us, blabla. I don’t get how he’s sweet to me and all, but then after he’s being cold and distant (and I’ll find out there’s a new girl – which I think are only new friends, I don’t know). So then I assume! He even told me last month that he wouldn’t be texting me if there’s a new girl. During our last text, he said that there wasn’t any new girl in the picture.

I’m so confused on what I’ll do know because obvious I messed up during those last ones, but this recent one, he just went cold and distant again. He said I was assuming.

So what should I do now? I’m thinking about NC, but I don’t know for how long because it’s already been 3 months since our breakup… I’m afraid I’ll lose him for good now — since he’s started talking to girls now, too.

I want to show him that I can change, once and for all… but would NC help me with it?

Pls help. Thanks!

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 24, 2017 at 10:02 pm

Hi Erika,

if you can manage to really stop assuming while improving yourself and buulding rapport, do it. If not, do at least 45 day nc..

D

March 22, 2017 at 1:49 am

Hi. Me and my BF have been in ldr for about 1,5 yrs. Last december i went to visit him and we had a great time together until he found out that i cheated on him, i go out several times with other guy in my town. He’s very disappointed, i tried to be honest to him, but he just can’t believe it. He even says “why should i have a relationship with a lady with no class?”
I know i’ve made a mistake, that’s why I tried to swallow his rude words because i feel I deserve it. I said sorry hundred times when he got mad at me bcs he’s overthinking that i might cheat on him again. But i swear I won’t do that anymore. I’ve bought a ticket to visit him on july, but he just can’t wait until July i guess. He keeps push me away, saying rude things to me. I’ve been called and texted him for a few days but he won’t answer and just read my messages. What should i do to gain his trus back? I’m really sorry for hurting him, and I really want to be serious this time. I already blocked the guy that went out with me last year too. It’s just my BF can’t believe me anymore 🙁
What should i do?

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 25, 2017 at 1:15 pm

Hi D,

follow the advice on this one:
Fix Your Relationship If You Cheated On Your Ex Boyfriend Before Its Too Late (Video)

crystal

March 22, 2017 at 12:20 am

So I reached out to my ex on valentine’s asking how he was doing.. no response… 5 days after that I reached out asking for my stuff back, all he said was “I got it”… a month later after no contact… I asked him how he was doing then I sent him this response as well “I’m curious on how you are and I hope things are going well for you and that you’re not too stressed from school. I understand why things couldn’t work out for us and I hope by now there’s no hostility/bitterness on either ends, but instead mutual respect”. I still did not get a response. Where do I go from here? Do I still have a chance? We broke up in Nov 30, 2016 and we’ve been long distance… he said the breakup was due to school and that we aren’t compatible and that he just doesn’t have the time that our relationship needs. In January, after not talking for about 3 weeks, I caught up with him and it was really nice, until a day after he went crazy on me and said he was still confused about us.. Thats why i tried not to reach out but gave in on valentines then a couple days after that. I gave in again recently (as above noted) and I texted that on March 20. Should I just move on (just as I have been trying to?)

crystal

March 27, 2017 at 2:14 pm

How would I go about doing that? I’ve been trying to do that through social media but he’s not active as much anymore and he doesn’t check my snap chat or instagram. Also, at this point, I don’t know what to say anymore without him thinking that I want him back…
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 28, 2017 at 5:06 pm

just keep posting your activities, especially the ones you’re having fun.. he’ll eventually get curious during nc or while building rapport
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 25, 2017 at 1:01 pm

Hi Crystal,

the texts were conveying that you may still want him back because it was just how are yous but I like the last text, though if you really want a chance, you have to convey through your posts and better kind of texts that you have moved on.. after the last text, I think you should lay low for two weeks before trying for one last text and be very active, try jealousy moves too

Crystal

March 21, 2017 at 2:07 pm

So I reached out to my ex on valentine’s asking how he was doing.. no response… 5 days after that I reached out asking for my stuff back, all he said was “I got it”… a month later after no contact… I asked him how he was doing then I sent him this response as well “I’m curious on how you are and I hope things are going well for you and that you’re not too stressed from school. I understand why things couldn’t work out for us and I hope by now there’s no hostility/bitterness on either ends, but instead mutual respect”. I still did not get a response. Where do I go from here? Do I still have a chance? We broke up in Nov 30, 2016 and we’ve been long distance… he said the breakup was due to school and that we aren’t compatible and that he just doesn’t have the time that our relationship needs. In January, after not talking for about 3 weeks, I caught up with him and it was really nice, until a day after he went crazy on me and said he was still confused about us.. Thats why i tried not to reach out but gave in on valentines then a couple days after that. I gave in again recently (as above noted) and I texted that on March 20. Should I just move on (just as I have been trying to?)

Crystal

March 28, 2017 at 2:20 pm

What do I say at this point ? I feel like now anything I say will make him think I’m trying to get him back..
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 29, 2017 at 10:43 am

you have to start changing that first. Because if you think that way, your messages will convey that. Observe what’s current on that time, that is interesting for him. And then talk like you’re talking to a friend. If he still gave a negative reply, then it would be better to move on.
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 25, 2017 at 5:53 am

Hi Crystal,

the texts were conveying that you may still want him back because it was just how are yous but I like the last text, though if you really want a chance, you have to convey through your posts and better kind of texts that you have moved on.. after the last text, I think you should lay low for two weeks before trying for one last text and be very active, try jealousy moves too

J

March 21, 2017 at 12:24 am

do you think making small talk will work at all? hes been liking so many other girls pics recently and ik its just a like but he never did that when we were together, maybe becasuse i aways got mad

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 21, 2017 at 3:48 pm

you’re rushing it and the change is not genuine..it’s not about forgetting him totally. It’s reaching the point of knowing you can live without him even if there is some feelings because you value your self respect more than a guy

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